#to write is to heal

Why do you deny me?

You know I am here, waiting, wondering if you’ll ever realize the energetic exchange we had/ve is unlike most.

Why are you denying yourself?

I see you.

I see the things you

I know you have been watching from afar.

No need to sit in the dark.

Just reach out, we can move forward. I have grown, you have grown, every second passes is a second we don’t get back. There is no future, there is only now so why do you deny yourself the pleasure of knowing me?

There is nothing to be scared of, you can come out and play, you can embrace the world and be beautiful and sexy and truly full of joy.

I trust you, that never has changed.

I trust myself, that is what has changed.

I am no longer on my knees. Embrace me, feel my energy.

So please just reach out and say hello. I have been patient.

I will be the one who reaches down and lifts you when you fall. As you did for me so many times.

I have learned so many lessons and I believe that together we will be magical.

We are all Trees, rooted in cement.

Broken down and tired; of living life on a marry-go-round.

But with time, patience and Love we can grow into magnificent creatures, tall, in power, stronger than ever, rooted in who we are, what we are, our purpose and clear in our mission.

We need sun to shine.

We need water to cleanse & drink from.

We need air to breathe.

And our roots will grow, we will rise.

All we need is LOVE.

I know thyself.

I heal thyself.

I love thyself.

Therefore I am gold. I can and will continue to fill the cracks of my broken shell. Creating a magnificent piece of art once again. Stronger than ever.

And I am rising to the occasion.

I am a tree full of life.

I am a rising star.

I no longer submit to you.

I no longer submit to two.

I surrender my will to God & my Goddess self.

Lovingly Devoted to my healing, my growth, my unconditional love, because I speak my truth. I listen to the words coming out of my own mouth, I hear what others who speak to me say, I process and eliminate what is for me and what is their own words they need to hear for themselves. I know my shadows but instead I turn them into shade. I see all the signs because I open my eyes and no longer turn a blind eye. I am the work. I am progressing in my mental, soul, physical, spiritual growth. I am consciously aware. Self-Empowering. Guiding my own self. A beacon of light. Stunning, intuitive and Loved, A Gem. A beloved daughter of the earth. A Hopeful Soul. A Goddess. Emanating my divine feminine essence. A Pioneer orchestrating my path of mastery.

Seek within you and you shall find. Get to the root of the problem. Ask yourself what patterns are you repeating. Am I choosing myself or am I listening to Linda or Larry. Do they know you better than you know yourself.

Mend. Rest. Let Go. Heal.

Breathe in and push it out of your body a breathe that sounds like a wave, blowing out all the inner hate, the anger, the fear, the doubt, distractions, avoidance, sabotage, abandonment, and the darkness. Breathe in light, clarity and feel your way through the darkness. Exhale the darkness, the chaos and confusion. And release the burden of the weight of the world, you only have two hands, one body, one heart and one mind and they are beautiful and you are alive. Breathe in life! Grow beloved. Feel, Heal that inner child. Imagine who you are and see your beauty.

Love Heals. Period.

XO

10112021 VIII

THE DYNAMIC

The dynamic is as old as time. It began with Adam & Eve.

Do not mistake Dominance & Submission for some sexual kink act. You will be sorely disappointed. I am sure many will appease your temptress ways, if you think your kinky desires will sustain you are mistaken. Without understanding and accepting of your true calling as a woman, your relationship will not withstand the storm of life. True submission is to accept who you are, what you were created for, your purpose and where you are going. The when and why and how are the mystery.

I am a woman, created to submit to my God in the universe and my Master, a man on earth. We are equals. I know my role in my life and in his. He gave me his rib upon creation and I let him feed upon my apple. Together we can create life, love and true happiness. As a spiritual divine union.

We have one need. LOVE. That is the only need in life, for to truly Love yourself, you are healthy mind, body, soul and spirit. And if you love yourself, only then can you love another, trusting that he will be there by your side as long as it is Gods will. And once you surrender to God’s will, the unknown of universe, the lack of control, the mystery of the unknown won’t be scary. To live in fear is to dance with the Devil. To give your devoted faith to two, is the most beautiful thing a woman can do and through that beauty, life will be balanced, calm and she will find peace.

I often wonder if I should remove some of the chaos below. The glimpse into my insanity. He drove me crazy, literally and figuratively.

I may remove it someday. His hold over me is still there but weaker. There is a part of me that wishes it was gone. Do all dominate men know the hold they can have over you? That’s a dangerous thought.

I compare all my encounters to you all, the men that changed my life since I have embraced who I am.

I Am submissive in a sea of sharks.

Not Wolves, Not silver bearded Bears, Not beacons of light, No teachers from afar, surely not the dabblers, but sharks. And although I am a starfish in this vast ocean, a mermaid, a gypsy, a student still learning, healing, I feel like a minnow compared to most.

But maybe I am a baby shark and will get my jaws on someone worthy of my love. But knowing my luck in love, I’ll pick a hammerhead. *Giggling*

Well time to enjoy the beautiful waters of where my father grew up. In a city with a large Marina and I accept that I am ignoring one of my No’s of this month but I also realize the one I have entrusted to my healing, does not understand me because she has not accepted her submission and although No means No, I have been alone my entire life and my writing is all I have, and the man who once gave me a firm hand, is being laid to rest.

Tomorrow I reunite my parents, a divine union, twin flames, that never had a chance. I fulfill my life purpose to mend their marriage and on Friday, the day of my 46th birthday, I will reunite my father with his children who drowned before they could become magnificent sea creatures. And then I trust I will be set free in this ocean to swim with the dolphins and run wild like the mustangs.

And how I wish you were here to guild me, reassure me, place your hand on the small of my back and reassure me that I will love again. That he isn’t the only shark in the sea. The only wolf in the forest or bear in the woods.

But know I miss you Sir.

You know who you are. And I am still holding a space for you. When you are ready I hope I am here. And if not, see you next life as we did not learn our lesson and our flame still burns bright.

Until tomorrow…

XO

Hydra

Love of mine

Hydra calls you home

With every word and every line

We never really own

You’re the guide

The parts that make the sum

No constellation ever shined

Like Hydra now you’re gone

These boats, will carry us

‘til these waves, deliver us

To bodies, we once knew

Now we’re almost older

Take me back to Hydra

Give me back my youth

Take me back to Hydra

To bring me home to you

Crystallised

Footprints at the door

Still leave a sound I recognise

Of a friend I knew before

These boats, will carry us

’til these waves, deliver us

To bodies, we once knew

Now we’re almost older

Take me back to Hydra

Give me back my youth

Take me back to Hydra

To bring me home to you