Yang: Soooo, I’m guessing you wanna hear all about our thrilling heroics, eh Jaune?
Jaune:*Dazedly looking into the distance* Huh? Oh, that. No, I’m good.
Nora:*Dramatic gasp* Ren! Something’s wrong with Jaune! Take his temperature!
Ren:*Ignores*
Ruby:Shedoeshave a point, Ren. Jaune was really disappointed after all.
Weiss:*Playfully*Well he isbasically a glorified babysitter.
Yang:It was pretty exciting. Me and Blake were awesome! *Clutches bicep*
Marrow:I was there. It’s true.
Yang:Sound less enthused, why don’t you? *Glares at Marrow*
Blake:*Trying to be the voice of reason* Come on guys, be fair. After dealing with a bunch of small children all day, y’know, when he’s not just directing traffic, Jaune’s probably just tired.
Nora:*Extremely loud and annoying gasp* It is sothe haircut!
Yang:Henh?
*Nora zips over to Jaune, grabs his collar*
Nora:*Cackling* No wonder you’re tired, fearlessleader!
Weiss:*Hand goes over mouth* Oh my.
Ruby: That’s, ahehehehe *breaks off into giggling*
Marrow:Oh what!? How did-who would-how could he *growls* Viiine, why him!?
Vine:*Calmly sitting next to a bemused Harriet* Do I know him any better than you, Marrow?
Marrow:*Whines*
Jaune:Nora! No!
Blake:Or maybe he’s tired because he’s been hooking up with Cassie.
Jaune:Hernameis–
Yang: Pfft, who needs names! You’ve been getting freaky with a MILF on your shift!
Oscar:*To Ren* It’s like this a lot, isn’t it?
Ren:*Suffering* Yes.
*Jaune has a very obvious, very dark hickey*
Yang:So, what was she like?
Ruby:*Stops giggling, appalled and blushing* Yang!
Nora:Ooh, did she ask you to add some sausage to her casserole!?
Weiss:*Embarrassed and blushing a bit, but mostly disgusted* Nora, that’s vile!
Marrow: I need you to teach me your ways, wise and venerated one!
Qrow:*Sighs*I need a drink. *Remembers he quit drinking*Dammit.
Blake:Is she really that good that she’s leaving you so tapped out? *Ignores Ruby’s sputtering*
Jaune:*Completely overwhelmed and embarrassed* G-guys, ch-chill! And I’m not answering any of your questions, they’re all–
Jaune:*Realizes his error*
*Dead fucking silence*
Nora:*Proud and sniffling*You dog.
Yang:Wait,allof them!? That’s like *remembers what Nora told her* six women! And you’re a virgin!
Jaune:*Weakly*Was. I was a virgin. A few weeks ago.
Weiss:*Loses the battle and blushes, both hands cover her mouth now* Oh my.
Ruby:*To herself* I’m an adult, I can handle adult things, including a friend getting intimate with six older women, noIcan’tnowI’mimagingthingsaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!
Marrow:*In total respect and awe, to Harriet and Vine* I know him. He’s my friend.
Blake:I-I. There are no words.
Yang:*Still can’t believe it* Six! How!?
Jaune:I’m a teenager. Looking at linoleum makes me want to have sex. They’re also really, really fucking hot. And just when I think I’m empty all of a sudden I learn new things. *Eyes glaze over* If anyone ever tells you that six mouths working together isn’t all it’s cracked up to be then clearly they’ve never been sucked or licked by six fucking mouths.
*Silence reigns once more*
Jaune:Welp. That did it. *Opens scroll, puts it to his ear and then winces* Y-yeah, you told me alright. Yes, you win. Yes that means I’ll do the thing. I promise. I-I’m an Arc! It’s embarrassing and kind of weird, but I did give you my word. So, uh, *blushes brightly* yeah, okay, figures. I’ll be over in five.
*Hangs up*
Jaune:Well, gotta go. *Goes quickly*
Marrow:*Into the shocked silence*I’ve never wanted to be somebody else more than I do right now.
