#whats crack-a-lackin

Nala Arc:*Jaune’s sixteen year old daughter with thick blonde hair pulled back in a low pony, blonde cat ears atop her head with her grandfather Ghira’s yellow eyes* –Yes Daddy.

Jaune:*Very seriously* And you’ve got your scroll.

Nala:*Shows it off*Yup.

Jaune: Your purse?

Nala:*Rolls eyes*Duh.

Jaune:And your pepper spray, mace, rape whistle and extra ammo?

Nala:*Sighs* Yes, yes, of course and even if I tried to leave the dust out you’d find a way to smuggle it in anyways, Daddy.

Jaune: *Ignores the sass* Okay, good. Good.  And you have–

Nala:*Growing impatient*–Yes,Dad,I have Pride. *Shows off twin automatic pistols in black and gold, connected by a thin gold chain and shifts it into weighted chain form before reshifting and holstering it*

Jaune:Okay, Dormiens Leo?

Nala:*Stomps foot* Dad, c’mon! I’m not taking my freaking sword on my first date!

Jaune:*Hands up, backtracking* Right, yeah, of course sweetpea! *Pauses*

Nala:*Stares at her father cautiously*

Jaune:Are you sure you don’t wanna wear the belt I bought you?

Nala:*Explodes* No! It looks nice, it looks normal, it’s super flippin’ cute but I know you had it custom made, I know it’s a high tech chastity belt that locks as soon as you put it on and only you have the code to it! Besides, I’m not even t-thinking about having that, about having s-sex with Dutch! *Blushing*

Jaune:*Gapes* W-who told you–

Nala:*Grumbling, not looking him in the eye*Mom.

Blake:*Entering the room, wiping her hands with a towel and tossing it on the table* And I’d do it again. Because, Jaune, youare overreacting.

Jaune:B-but she’s going on a date! With a boy!

Blake:*Cocks eyebrow* Mmm. So if it was a girl then it’d be okay?

Jaune:What? No! Boy or girl, doesn’t matter! *Hugs an irritated Nala fiercely* She’s my baby girl! She’s d-d– *whispers* dating, Blake!

Blake:*Smiling*Uh-huh. And she’ll continue to date. One day - when she’s ready - she’ll even have sex. *Jaune whines and Nala turns into a tomato* But right now, you big baby, our little girl is going on her first date. She is being verysafe, especially when you take into consideration that our daughter is highly trained, has two weapons and her King’s Flare semblance makes every fire semblance we’ve ever come across look like matchsticks. *Peels Jaune off of Nala*

Nala:*Embarrassed*Mooom!

Blake:*Fixes her daughters top, smoothes out her hair* She has her guns, she has common sense and honestly honey, she has my brains.

Jaune: *Long pause* I kinda think that last one mighta been an insult, but I do have to agree with you there.

Blake: Besides, Dutch is an athlete, not a Huntsman. No aura. You need to calm down.

*Jaune mutters mutinously, crossing his arms and Nala sighs and hugs her mother*

Nala: Thanks Mom. *Stands in front of Jaune, fidgets*Daddy?

Jaune:*Dramatic sigh* Ugghhh, I hate it when your mom makes sense. *Hugs Nala who squeezes him and puts her head on his shoulder* Just…have fun, okay? Don’t stay out too late, don’t do anything you don’t want to and you’re, uh…

Nala:*Rolls her eyes* It’s that neo-Valean restaurant near Auntie Nora and Uncle Lie’s neighborhood. If Dutch turns out to be a jerk, Auntie Nora will probably wind up leveling the place.

Jaune:*To Blake* Maybe we should give Ren the heads up instead of miss ‘Goddess of Boom’.

Blake:*To Jaune* Already called him. He has Nora busy with the twins tonight. *Smiles as Jaune kisses her cheek*

*The parents watch their daughter fuss over her hair, reapply lip gloss and fidget with her top, her ears twitching all the while and the door opens to an athletic young man with brown hair and dark green eyes*

Nala:*A few minutes later* –good that you all met, but we’re gonna miss the movie if we don’t go to dinner now. *Smiles brightly* C’mon, Dutch!

Dutch:*Grins, blushing a bit* Right, Nala. *To Blake* Bye Mrs. Arc. *To Jaune, winces* M-Mr. Arc. It was really nice to meet you. *Jaune just nods with a smile* I’llhaveherbackbytenbye!

Blake:

Jaune:

Blake:You just had to pull the whole ‘I am Paladin, Slayer of Salem’ thing, didn’t you.

Jaune:*Crosses arms petulantly* I have no idea what you mean, Blake.

Blake:*Rolls her eyes* Oh sure. Because you’re usually stern, terrifying and pushing your aura out to create killing intent.

Jaune:*Annoyed*If I was it must’ve just been instinct since he was checking of my sweet little girls behind.

Blake:*Snorts*

Jaune:*Whining*Blaaake! It’s not funny! She doesn’t even have your ass–

Blake: Oh she does. Just not my hips. Plus she’s more petite like your sister, Celeste.

Jaune: Nope, stop. But even still, that little fucker–

Blake:Is a teenage boy who thought he was being subtle. Who probably hasn’t asked out a future Huntress before, let alone the daughter of two veterans, even less two of the most talented swordspeople alive. *Takes Jaune’s hand and rubs a circle into his palm with her thumb* I know Nala growing up like this is making you a little crazy because of all your sisters and the fact that you were once a teenage boy, but have a little faith in our daughter.

Jaune:*Rubs face with free hand* Yeah, yeah, I know. I don’t like it though.

Blake:*Flippantly*And neither do I, Jaune, but it’s a part of being parents. We’re lucky Nala’s so even tempered and just skipped right over the teenage rebellion phase and isn’t just embarrassed by us. She’s a good girl. *Pauses, starts leading Jaune into the house* Or would you rather her be more Neptune and Dew’s girl?

Jaune:*Winces*No!*Grouchily* I just never thought letting her grow up would be so…

Blake:*Squeezes his hand* I know. But you got your licks in. And when Dutch brings our baby home, it’ll be his turn to worry about me. *Cuts off Jaune’s dumb grin* But until then…

Jaune:*Slumps* Blake, I don’t wannado yard work. *Blinks as Blake sits on his lap* Oh. Ohhhhh. No, I’m definitely up for this task, ma’am. *Squeezes Blake’s ass*

Blake:*Smirking, leans in for a kiss* I figured.

—————————————————————————–

I figured that if anybody would be both the cool parent and the responsible, easy to reason with but still every bit as protective one, it’d be Blake. And Knightshade’s a fun couple to explore although I like reading it better than writing it. Since other people do it better.

But I did have fun coming up with Nala Arc as a character. Named after the female lion from The Lion King that has a fair bit of meaning behind said name in the first place (I believe it’s Swahili for ‘Gift’). A weighted chain/pair of automatic pistols called Pride, plus a Nimcha sword named ‘Sleeping Lion’ in Latin (the name of the Lion King Keyblade from Kingdom Hearts II) and a semblance named after the Link Summon for Simba from Kingdom Hearts III (which works the same way: Nala becomes engulfed in fire, exudes fire and can cause loads of damage while active).

Jaune:*Nervously* Do you think she’ll notice?

Nora:*Stares at the rolling head of Pyrrha’s brass statue*Naaaaah.

Ren: Jaune, I say this with no ill will, but yes, I do think Pyrrha’s mother will notice.

Jaune: Dammit! I knew I should’ve waited until I got back to Saphron’s to tie my shoe!

Ren:What.

Yang:*Pacing, biting nail* Where is he!? He stood me up, didn’t he? That ass!

Weiss:*Sighs*It’s only 9:01, Yang.

Ruby:Yeah! He knows our movie just ended and ever since Marvelous comics started putting movies out, he sits through the credits!

Weiss:Ugh.

Ruby:*Spins immediately, finger touching a shocked Weiss’ nose* They’re important to the story and if you skip them you are an agent of chaos!

Blake:*Very hungry* Last week you ate every single one of the chocolate-chocolate chip cookies and so nobody would notice you put the oatmeal raisin in their place.

Ruby:*Resolutely*I have no memory of such an incident.

Blake:You’re still serving detention.

Weiss:*Moves Ruby’s finger* And Professor Goodwitch is seriously considering paying for a dietician out of her own pocket after she discovered that you really ate every single last one of them.

Ruby:*Nervous but determined* You will not frighten me with your words, Weiss!

Weiss:*Rolls eyes and gives up*

Yang:*Adjusting jacket, looking at her new tank top* So…

Ruby:*Realizes*Oh, right! You’re you, Yang! No way is Jaune standing you up! Just you wait!

~~20 minutes later~~

Jaune:*Runs up dressed in a nice shirt and jeans, panting* S-Sorr…sorry I’m late, Yang.

Yang:*Irritated and a bit hurt* Finally! We nearly missed our reservation, what the hell took you so long? *Pauses*You dick.

*RWB starts to move, ready to leave the two although Weiss rolls her eyes, mutters something and then yelps when Ruby elbows her in the ribs*

Jaune:*Taking deep breaths* I got lost.

Weiss:*Can’t help herself* What!? How!? The directions she gave you were so simple a child could’ve managed!

Yang:Yeah, lover boy, what gives? East Mar and Mallo street! What’s the friggin’ complication?

Jaune:*Stands, but blinks in confusion* Wha–east?I thought you said weast!

Weiss:

Ruby:*Facepalm*

*Blake is halfway to the restaurant at this point*

Yang:*Astonished, takes a deep and cleansing breath after a moment and then grins brightly, squishing his arm between hers and her boob* Jaune, you have no idea how lucky you are to be so damn handsome.

Jaune:*Very confused but also flattered*

Jaune:*Coming out of bedroom completely naked* Well the good news is I think I got the last of the cum out of your lingerie, Weiss. *Holding delicate, tiny, one piece lingerie while holding it between two fingers*

Weiss:*Chokes*

Jaune: Oh come on, it’s not that… *Looks up and sees Weiss, her team, her sister, her mother, Nora and her child, Coco and Velvet and Elm all staring at him, dressed up and sitting around eating a fancy brunch*

Nora:*Covering little Freya’s eyes* No pumpkin, don’t look at Uncle Jaune’s peepee. *Glaring at Jaune*

Ruby:Oh boy, don’t look at  your male besties dick, Ruby Rose.

Willow:*Wide eyed but refusing to look at anything but her non-alcoholic coffee* Oh my.

Winter:*Bright red* A-a-ah, u-um, sister!?

Yang:*Whistles*How the hell does he fit that inside lil’ ol’ Weiss?

Blake:*Trying to cover Yang’s eyes as Yang holds her away one handedly* No, don’t look at his dick, Yang, we’re married!

Yang:*Blows raspberry, laughing*

Coco:*Puts down finger sandwich while sighing sadly*

Velvet:*Gaping*

Elm:*To Weiss* Damn girl. *Puts fist up*Respect.

Weiss:*Crimson, ignoring everybody* Jaune Schnee-Arc, what do you think you’re–coveryourselfthisinstant!

Jaune:*Still standing, staring, lingerie between two fingers*

Weiss:*Finally notices everybody else staring, blushes harder and clenches fist while shaking* You dunce! T-this isn’t what it looks like, ladies!

Yang:*Grinning smugly, eyes covered by a panting and exhausted Blake* Mhmm. We get you, Weiss. Bow-chika-wow-wow!

Weiss:*Wants the earth to swallow her whole as she now notices her mother sneaking peaks*

Jaune:*Looks from everybody, back to the bedroom he was in and speaks, genuinely baffled* How long was I in there!?

Juniper Arc: *Lying on Coco’s stomach, looking up at her* You know, they say when you lay like this on your girlfriend, you can hear the ocean.

Coco:*Puzzled, running hands through Juniper’s hair*

Juniper:*Picks her head up, lies back down on Coco’s stomach but is facing her groin* But if you lay like this, you can smell the ocean.

~~Outside Team CFVY’s Room~~

Juniper:*Through the door* Aaaahhhh, I give, I give! Anything but the Boston Crab! I’m tapping, I’m tapping!

Coco:*Through the door* Cheeky little shit, aren’t you!?

Velvet:*Staring at Fox and Yatsuhashi*

Fox and Yatsuhashi:*Staring at Velvet*

Velvet:So, you guys up for barbecue tonight? *Walks away*

Fox: Yes please.

Yatsuhashi:*Nodding* It is the trait of a wise leader to know when to retreat, Velvet.

Coco:*Through the door* Who’s laughing now!?

Juniper:*Through the door* Why do I never leeeaaarrrnnn!!!???

——————————————————————————   

I’ve never really liked the Joan/Jeanne naming convention for genderbent Jaune. Jaune is already meant to sound like both, so it just seems odd. So my genderbent Jaune Arc goes by Juniper. Not much more creative, but Team JNPR does become Team ANVL (Arc,Nikos,Valkyrie,Lie as opposed to Jaune,Nora,Pyrrha,Ren).

Also, TikTok made me do it.

Pyrrha:*Lying on stomach doing homework*

Ruby:*Breathlessly shows up in JNPR’s open door* Pyrrha, it’s Jaune! He’s asking that Cinder girl out!

Pyrrha:*Panic* Oh no he is not! *Preparing to charge halfway across the school* Quickly, before she falls to the cute boy energy!

Jaune:*Running and screaming down the hallway, on fire*

Ruby:*Staring*Huh.*Pumps fist* Crisis averted! We forgot! If he’s not being cute, he’s being Jaune!

Pyrrha:*Realizes* Oh my gods, Jaune’s on fire! *Charges out door* Grab the fire extinguisher!

Ruby:*Panics*Right! *Zips off to her dorm*

Weiss:*Getting bodied over Ruby’s shoulder* Unhand me this instant, Ruby Rose!

Jaune:*Stunned by Pyrrha kissing him*

Pyrrha:*About to shove Jaune in the rocket locker*

Jaune:*Feels Pyrrha’s hands on his chest, misinterprets and shoves his tongue down Pyrrha’s throat*

Pyrrha:*Eyes open in shock*MMMMPPPHHH!!!!!*Flustered by her naughtiest dreams coming true*

Jaune:*Enjoying the kiss, grabs and squeezes Pyrrha’s asscheeks*

Pyrrha:*Squeals, tries to push Jaune off*

Jaune:*Thinking Pyrrha’s about to push him into the locker and run off to die, panics*

Pyrrha:*Pyrrha’s brain shuts down as Jaune’s thigh rubs against her core, loses the ability to stand upright*

Jaune:*Spins, pushes a dazed Pyrrha in the locker and sets it off*

Pyrrha:*Already three hundred feet from Jaune* W-what, no! No! NOOOO!!! *Incredibly angry* Gosh flipping darnit girl, you l-let him get you all riled up and now he’s going to get himself killed!

—————– 

Jaune:*In an elevator* This is officially the stupidest idea you’ve ever had! Even worse than the stuff with Cardin, worse than the Deathstalker, worse than the time you took the blame for Coral breaking the window and somehow, someway, worse than the time you let Saphron put you in a dress, do your makeup and practice kissing a ‘girl’!

Elevator:*Shakes ominously*

Jaune:*Pale* I mean you just had your first realkiss with a girl, you felt her ass up and holy gods does Pyrrha have a nice, tight, big one, you’re still hard as diamonds and instead of running from the school that literally had a holeburnt through it by some kind of fucking firebreathing Grimm abomination, you go in! *Elevator goes into freefall*

Elevator:*Jaune’s screams replace screeching metal, crashes*

Jaune:*Climbs out, unharmed but aura has shattered* There’s got to be a limit, Jaune! Sure I turned Pyrrha to putty in my hands but that should not translate into running headfirst into certain death! Stupid Dad and his stupid advice! *Is hit in the head by a cane* Fucking ow! What the shit!?

*Witnesses Ozpin firing a gout of emerald fire that clashes with two huge streams of fire from the hot Haven girls hands*

Jaune:Oh what the fuck.And here I thought walking the walk was gonna be cool. Stupid Pyrrha. *Ducks underneath a scintillating jade orb thrown by Ozpin which vaporizes the elevator leaving nothing behind, in a falsetto* ‘Oh I’ll just kiss him and he’ll be so surprised and then I’ll shove him in a locker and go do something that’ll probably get myself killed. Teehee!’ *Breathes out* Not that I’m doing any better. The hot but apparently crazy Haven chick can fucking fly and - is that a tornado, ohhhh I’m gonna die - and Ozpin’s…

*Sees Amber*

Jaune: Is going to go to prison because this is a sex dungeon. Okay, Okay, you’re cool. Sure it was unanimously decided Pyrrha was going into the singles portion of the tournament and you nearly broke your neck twice getting down here, but something tells me sad Pyrrha has something to do with this. *Pauses*Which makes me wanna punch Ozpin, but question the pedo headmaster after you help!

*Sees Ozpin get a glass spear through the left lung*

Jaune:*Quickly* Or not. Okay, she’s monologuing, that’s good. Sneak, sneak, sneak-sneak-sneak. Blah, blah, magic? Really lady? Add delusional on top of crazy. Just get in closer, give her a nice kick to the ass and Ozpin will use his weird green themed semblance to obliterate her. *Hears Pyrrha mentioned* Ignore the urge to kick the dying sicko in the nuts, just focus on hurting the crazy chick who was apparently gonna kill my sorta-kinda-maybe girlfriend. Just nice, slowly, easily, quietleee– *trips over his shoelace* –EEEEEEYYYOOOOPPPP!!!

Cinder:*Coughs wetly, stares at the sword sticking through her chest* H-how…?

*Cinder falls on top of Ozpin, her body crushed between the Headmasters and the shellshocked Jaune’s*

Ozpin:*Confused and dying* Mr. Arc?

Jaune:*High pitched* IswearIonlymeanttokickherintheasssoyoucouldfinishhereoff!

Ozpin:*Coughs*I believe you. Unfortunately it was not to be. You pierced her straight through the heart.

Jaune: I didn’t mean to?

Ozpin:And in doing so you’ve saved miss Nikos from a terribly cruel fate.

Jaune:Oh. That’s good. I’m pretty sure that if she hadn’t tried to shove me in that stupid rocket locker there’s at least a 50% chance Pyrrha would’ve jumped my bones, Grimm invasion or not.

Ozpin:*Groans in dismay* Only to quite possibly doom yourselfto one.

Jaune:*Suddenly at full attention* You say what now?

Ozpin:You’ve stabbed me as well. *Sees Jaune about to speak* You’ve stabbed my other lung, young man.

Jaune:I-I’m sorry?

Ozpin: Not yet you aren’t. Usually when I reincarnate it’s some unlucky, random bastard. But you’ve imprinted on me.

Jaune:What.

Ozpin: I’m an immortal wizard who, when he dies, his soul and consciousness along with all his memories are transferred into a new man’s preexisting body.

Jaune:*Panicking* I don’t want you in my head, headmaster! On the off chance you’re not just a nasty pedophile, I really don’t want you in my head! I don’t think you wanna be there either! *Ozpin doesn’t respond* Professor?*Still nothing*Headmaster!*Ozpin is dead, Jaune* Ozpin you old fuck, don’t you dare, I don’t wanna hear your voice when I’m deep dicking my hot redheaded partner!

Ozpin:*Body explodes into green motes of light which Jaune inhales*

Jaune:AAAHHH, I DON’T CONSET, I DON’T CONSENT!

—————– 

Pyrrha:*Bringing dat ass back, clapping his groin* Oh Jaune, oh gods yes I love it, I love your cock so-s-s-somuch!*Twists and twirls her booty on his cock* Oh f-fuck, I’m gonna cum agaaaaaiiinn!!

Jaune:*Going hard, closing in*

Pyrrha:Oh yes, please, harder, I’m gonna cum all over that delicious Arc meat again and o-o-oh shit, fuck yes Jaune, fill your slutty Nikos bitch up with your hot jizz!

Ozpin:*Mentally*She’d be cumming harder if you did what I suggested.

Jaune:*Mentally, trying to focus on Pyrrha’s voice and the image of her* Shut up. This is me time you parasite and I don’t care how long you’ve lived, I don’t need advice from the guy who’s ex is out to end the world.

Ozpin:*Mentally*I’m just saying, miss Nikos is a natural born sub. Placing your foot on her head and giving her what I’m telling you she absolutelywants by degrading her, lambasting her the way she does herself and I guarantee you the rewards will be worth it. I know you’ve been eying her anus for quite some time now, give her what she wants–

Jaune:*Mentally, pushes in deeper which makes Pyrrha wail* I knew I couldn’t trust you to shut up! ‘Oh no, the time you spend with miss Nikos will be your own, I’m just an old soul here to help you fight my batshit crazy ex’ and now you’re trying to live vicariously through me! *Eyes widen as Pyrrha spreads her cheeks, lying facefirst on the bed and moaning*

Ozpin:*Mentally, smugly*Oh of course. You certainly don’t want advice from a man who has slept with literally thousands of women. She’s cumming, by the way.

Pyrrha:Ooooohhhh gods, yesyesyesyesyesyesyesI’m fucking cummiiiiiinnnngggg!!!!!!!!! Fuck, fuck, fuuuu~uuuck you’re so fucking gooooood!!!!!

Jaune:*Cumming his brains out*

Ozpin:*Mentally*Good to see you plan on following my advice next round, Jaune. If you feel like paying me back, you could always just tell Pyrrha that you’ve gone through my memories and developed a taste for hardcore, mistress of pain BDSM.

Jaune:*Mentally, lying on Pyrrha’s pronebone body, still inside as they both recover* This is all Dad’s fault. No amount of badass magic is worth this.

—————————————————————————— 

I wanted one of these to have the advice backfire while still working and while I thought about it being an eventual Raven Jaune’s Father, I realized Pyrrha offered the best opportunity ever in the form of Ozpin, the unwanted and overly friendly brain ghost.

Hopefully any hardcore Arkos fans reading this don’t mind this one being the lewder, screwier one.

Jaune:*Thinking Cinder is super intense in addition to super hot*

Jaune:*Wondering what the big deal is about proving yourself the strongest*

Jaune:*Hips don’t lie, especially Cinder’s in her cargos*

Jaune:*She’s really hot but never shuts up*

Jaune:*Wants to ask her out but now she’s talking about how she thinks the Huntsmen of today are too passive*

Jaune:*Really has had enough of this; engaging Daddy Arc advice*

Cinder:–To the point where if it were to be challenged, if it were to be pushed with just the right amount of force and subterf–ggrrkk!! *Jaune puts just enough force in his chokehold to silence her*

Cinder:*Wide eyed in disbelief*

Jaune:*Serious face*

Emerald:*Blushing furiously, deeply offended* Hey, what the fuck do you think you’re doing!?

Mercury:*In awe* What I’ve wanted to do during every one of her speeches.

Emerald:*Furious but speechless* C-Cinder, do you want me too–

Jaune:*Very seriously, making eye contact* Cinder. I like that you’re so opinionated and passionate about things, but when I said ‘what’s up’ I was kinda aiming more in the direction of small talk. *Adjusts chokehold, leans closer* So. Me. You. Dinner?

Cinder:*Dumbfounded, but really really turned on,shakes her head*

Emerald: You see!? Take your hand off of her right now!

Jaune:*Disappointed, confidence gone* O-oh, okay. Uh, really sorry. *Chokehold starts to loosen*

Cinder:*Strangled, weakly* Don’t you dare. *Grabs Jaune by the collar, opens Team CMENs dorm and yanks him in, slightly muffled* Now when I say ‘choke me harder, Daddy’ you best hope I can’t breathe or I promise you your first cumshot will be on the sheets instead of inside all of this!

Emerald:*Shocked beyond belief*C-C-Cinder!?

Mercury:*Snorts, grabs Emerald by the back of her collar* I knew it. Come on Em, I definitely don’t wanna hear this.

Emerald:*Distressed and whining, thrashing*

—————– 

Jaune Arc: And that’s how I met your mother!

Cinder Arc: *Face is red, neck is red, ears are red, eyes are wide and in disbelief*

Ashley “Ash” Arc: *The blonde haired, amber eyed girl is horrified and a little green, shrieks* Dad!

Brand Arc:*Realizes something, goes pale* W-wait a second, that was 22 years ago.

Jaune:*Puts arm around Cinder, who’s facepalmed to hide her humiliation before her children* Yup! 22 long and beautiful years of romance, fire, passion, your Mom betraying Salem like a boss, unexpected declarations of love born from really kinky sex, fire and an unhinged yandere!

Brand:*Slowly*22 years, Dad. *Growing anger* Is that how I was conceived!? You choking out Mom while doing…well, that!? *Visibly disgusted*

Ash:*Immediately gags, puts hair behind her back*

Jaune:*A bit slowly* Uh, yeah? I mean accidentally knocking her up wasn’t really the reason she betrayed the Queen of the Grimm, but it led to it!

Brand:*Gapes, explodes* Gah! I can’t believe you! *Stomps out the house, slams the door*

Ash:*Stands, a bit weakly* I-I…I think I’m gonna go lie down and beat it into my brain to never ask you any personal questions ever again. *Walks off, swaying slightly*

Jaune:*Blinks*What? They asked!

Cinder:*From behind her palm* And you didn’t think to make something up, Jaune Gaius Arc?

Jaune:Pffft. What, and lie to them? Nope. That’s not something this guy does.

Cinder:*Finally looks up, stares deadpan at her husband* You were conceived because as much as your mother loves anal, at the time she had no interest in your father cumming inside her asshole and at the last second, pulled him out and shoved him right into her pussy.

Jaune:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA–

~~15 minutes later~~

Cinder:So now you understand whymy baby boy and girl didn’t want to hear anything but something fake, and romantic?

Jaune:*Suffering from PTSD* Y-yeah. I uh, just thought they’d…everybody knows your story and I didn’t wanna lie.

Cinder:Mhmm. And what are you going to do when Brand comes home and your teenage daughter feels brave enough to come out of her room?

Jaune:*Resolutely*Wing it again and hope that taking them to their favorite restaurant takes their mind off of their parents being kinky mofos!

Cinder:*Opens her mouth to protest, but sighs and shrugs* Good enough. Oh and Jaune?

Jaune:*Winces at the tone of her voice* Yes sweetheart?

Cinder:*Eyes staring directly at him, face crumples* Please don’t embarrass me like that ever again! It’s bad enough I have to put up with Yang “I’m still in the prime of my life, bay-bee!” Xiao Long still making jokes at my expense but I really want my children to respect me at the end of the day!

Jaune:*Laughs awkwardly, pats her on the back gently* H-heh, sure thing Cinder. *Struck with inspiration* Hey, we could make out and they could walk in on youchoking out me!

Cinder:*Begins beating Jaune to death with a throw pillow as her face burns in embarrassment*

Ruby:*Giving Jaune the gluk-gluk 3000*

Jaune: Fuck princess, that is so good. *Gluk intensifies* Now for some of what every good princess needs, a little pea–

~~Three Weeks Later~~

Jaune: And that’s why I haven’t gotten my dick sucked in nearly a month.

Sun: You played with fire my friend and unfortunately, you weren’t just burned but outright incinerated.

Mercury: And for what? ‘Peashooter’? What are you, fucking stupid? Sleep deprived?

Yang: *Begging, thoroughly traumatized by the intimate knowledge of Ruby’s suckgame* Fuck, can we just play cards!?

——————————————————————————   

This started out much cuter with a princess carry but it’s 5:01 AM and I can’t sleep despite really wanting to. At least this Jaune’s Father thing is fun to write.

Yang:*Chatting amicably with Blake before Combat class*

Jaune:*Walks hurriedly up to RWBY*

Weiss:*Focused on her scroll* Whatever it is, Arc, I’m not interested.

Jaune: *Frantically taps Yang’s shoulder*

Yang:*Turns* Yeah, whaddaya need vomit boy?

Jaune:*Pulls out Yang’s top and stares into her cleavage*

Yang:

Weiss:

Blake:

Ruby:

Yang:*Finally is able to speak* Okay, what in THE ACTUAL FUCK–

Jaune:*Still staring* Sorry, just checking to see if I have erectile dysfunction. *Lets Yang’s top snap back into place* Good news, I don’t! *Smiles winningly and walks away*

Yang:*Mouth hanging open* Holy shit why was that so fucking smooth?

Fiona:*Standing on the edge of Atlas, in Jaune’s arms and enjoying the breeze and leaning back into his shoulder* Never let me go, Jaune.

Jaune:Why the fuck would you even say that? If I let you go you’d fall hundreds of feet to your immediate and bloody death. *Shakes head* Gods you’re a moron. You’re lucky I’m already in love with you.

Yang: Soooo, I’m guessing you wanna hear all about our thrilling heroics, eh Jaune?

Jaune:*Dazedly looking into the distance* Huh? Oh, that. No, I’m good.

Nora:*Dramatic gasp* Ren! Something’s wrong with Jaune! Take his temperature!

Ren:*Ignores*

Ruby:Shedoeshave a point, Ren. Jaune was really disappointed after all.

Weiss:*Playfully*Well he isbasically a glorified babysitter.

Yang:It was pretty exciting. Me and Blake were awesome! *Clutches bicep*

Marrow:I was there. It’s true.

Yang:Sound less enthused, why don’t you? *Glares at Marrow*

Blake:*Trying to be the voice of reason* Come on guys, be fair. After dealing with a bunch of small children all day, y’know, when he’s not just directing traffic, Jaune’s probably just tired.

Jaune:*Cuts off Yang* Y-yeah, that’s it! I’m tired. *Scratches neck* Really tired actually.

Nora:*Extremely loud and annoying gasp* It is sothe haircut!

Yang:Henh?

*Nora zips over to Jaune, grabs his collar*

Nora:*Cackling* No wonder you’re tired, fearlessleader!

Weiss:*Hand goes over mouth* Oh my.

Ruby: That’s, ahehehehe *breaks off into giggling*

Marrow:Oh what!? How did-who would-how could he *growls* Viiine, why him!?

Vine:*Calmly sitting next to a bemused Harriet* Do I know him any better than you, Marrow?

Marrow:*Whines*

Jaune:Nora! No!

Blake:Or maybe he’s tired because he’s been hooking up with Cassie.

Jaune:Hernameis–

Yang: Pfft, who needs names! You’ve been getting freaky with a MILF on your shift!

Oscar:*To Ren* It’s like this a lot, isn’t it?

Ren:*Suffering* Yes.

*Jaune has a very obvious, very dark hickey*

Yang:So, what was she like?

Ruby:*Stops giggling, appalled and blushing* Yang!

Nora:Ooh, did she ask you to add some sausage to her casserole!?

Weiss:*Embarrassed and blushing a bit, but mostly disgusted* Nora, that’s vile!

Marrow: I need you to teach me your ways, wise and venerated one!

Qrow:*Sighs*I need a drink. *Remembers he quit drinking*Dammit.

Blake:Is she really that good that she’s leaving you so tapped out? *Ignores Ruby’s sputtering*

Jaune:*Completely overwhelmed and embarrassed* G-guys, ch-chill! And I’m not answering any of your questions, they’re all–

Jaune:*Realizes his error*

*Dead fucking silence*

Nora:*Proud and sniffling*You dog.

Yang:Wait,allof them!? That’s like *remembers what Nora told her* six women! And you’re a virgin!

Jaune:*Weakly*Was. I was a virgin. A few weeks ago.

Weiss:*Loses the battle and blushes, both hands cover her mouth now* Oh my.

Ruby:*To herself* I’m an adult, I can handle adult things, including a friend getting intimate with six older women, noIcan’tnowI’mimagingthingsaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!

Marrow:*In total respect and awe, to Harriet and Vine* I know him. He’s my friend.

Blake:I-I. There are no words.

Yang:*Still can’t believe it* Six! How!?

Jaune:I’m a teenager. Looking at linoleum makes me want to have sex. They’re also really, really fucking hot. And just when I think I’m empty all of a sudden I learn new things. *Eyes glaze over* If anyone ever tells you that six mouths working together isn’t all it’s cracked up to be then clearly they’ve never been sucked or licked by six fucking mouths.

*Silence reigns once more*

Jaune:Welp. That did it. *Opens scroll, puts it to his ear and then winces* Y-yeah, you told me alright. Yes, you win. Yes that means I’ll do the thing. I promise. I-I’m an Arc! It’s embarrassing and kind of weird, but I did give you my word. So, uh, *blushes brightly* yeah, okay, figures. I’ll be over in five.

*Hangs up*

Jaune:Well, gotta go. *Goes quickly*

Marrow:*Into the shocked silence*I’ve never wanted to be somebody else more than I do right now.

Velvet:*Chasing Jaune* GET BACK HERE YOU FUCKWIT!

Jaune:*Running away in mortal terror* AAAAAAHHHHH!!!! I’M SORRY I DIDN’T KNOW FORGIVE ME PLEASE I DON’T KNOW THE WAYS OF YOUR PEOPLE!

Ruby:*Nervously* Nnnnot that it’s any of my business, but what’s all that about?

Coco:*Watching with her chin in her palm, smirking* Casanova there bought a carrot.

Weiss:*Not wanting to be racist* Carrots are bigoted?

Fox:*Sighs*

Coco:Well from what I’ve pieced together everybody’s favorite wholesome twosome had a talk, at the end of that talk they wanted to try out some toys but the fashion disaster got detention, Vel told him to stop buy the store for a *laughs evilly in delight* ‘temporary’ toy and he bought a carrot.

Jaune: STOP, NO, YOU LOVE ME!

Velvet: IT’S IN OUR NATURE TO HURT THE ONES WE LOVE, GET BACK HERE YOU COWARD!

Coco: *Smiles at the sight which unnerves Ruby and makes Weiss uncomfortable* Apparently that was the wrong move.

Jaune:STAY AWAY FROM MY BUTTHOLE!

Velvet:OH BUT I’MSUPPOSED TO LOVE IT!?

Ruby:*Disturbed*Sometimes I regret listening to Yang and making new friends.

Jaune:*Don’t stare at her thighs, don’t stare at her thighs, don’t stare at her thighs*

Winter:*Steps forward to lead them into Atlas Academy*

Jaune:*Defeated* Shit, you looked at her thighs.

*Dead silence*

Jaune: Oscar, buddy, I said that out loud, didn’t I?

Oscar:*Embarrassed* Ah, yeah. You did.

Weiss:*Jaw clenched, staring at Jaune unblinkingly*

Winter:*Mouth briefly drops open before closing* This way.

—————–   

Weiss:*Extremely irritated* Has he no decency!?

Yang:I don’t know how to answer that question without making you mad.

Weiss:*Is done with these degenerates*

—————–

Winter:F-furthermore, I’ll have you at least give my sister the barest modicum of respect! It’s o-o-only fair!

Jaune:*Happy, muffled noises*

Winter:*Gasps*Oh, good boy. Now don’t stop licking until you see the whites of my eyes! O-nly theennnnnnnn! O-only then may you enter my mouth. *Tries to be stern as her thighs quake, looking down at Jaune* If I wake up to anything less than feeling as if I’m to choke, y-you will be sorr-eeeeeee!!!!

—————–

Blake:I think you’re blowing this a little out of proportion, Weiss.

Weiss:*Fidgets*Perhaps.*Sighs*Yes, you’re right. Amongst other things, my sister is first and foremost a soldier and thena high class lady in her own right. *Laughs guiltily* Sorry. Hmm. I should probably apologize to Winter too, for doubting the strength of her character!

——————————————————————————– 

Regardless of whatever issues you might have with RWBY proper (my list goes: anything that isn’t related to the characters themselves, their interactions, the music and the fights), you have to admit that Rooster Teeth knew exactlywhat they were doing with Winter and her new design, specifically those pants.

She ain’t no Harriet or Elm, but goddamn.

*Just after being captured by the Ace-Ops, before they leave*

Jaune:*Struggles* Oh no.

Clover:Is there a problem, citizen?

Jaune: Not really. Just a realization that I’ve had this exact dream before. *Beat* Although usually I’m less clothed and it’s professor Goodwitch as the one doing the capturing.

Clover:*Jaw drops slightly as he briefly loses his composure*

Weiss: Jaune, now is not the time. Also, TMI.

Jaune:It’s the perfect time! We did good, we got arrested and now we’re all bondage bait.

Yang: He does have a point.

Nora: Agreed. Jaune! The professor - is she wearing a leather leotard or the same old?

Jaune: Oh, definitely her usual. Just with a lot more cleavage.

Nora:*Disappointed*Awww.

Yang:Okay,nice.No, wait, dammit, Weiss is right! Now’s not the time!

Jaune:*Ignores her, looks at the disturbed Clover and the equally off put Ace-Ops* So…any chance of making that dream come true?

Clover:*To Vine* Exactly how much trouble would we be in if we just cut them loose?

Vine:You’re asking me?

Clover:*Sigh* I thought so. Alright you, no more talking.

Weiss:Believe me, you’d have better luck gagging him.

Jaune:Don’t give them ideas!

~~Two minutes later~~

Jaune:*Gagged* MMMRRRMM!! GGRRRFFFUHHH! *Glares at Weiss* UURRRRRR!*Jaune stares wide eyed at a smirking Elm, who’d given his butt a squeeze*

Elm:*Winks*

*Doors slam*

Jaune:*Nods to Weiss thankfully*Rrrr-urrfffuur rrr uff fuhmmm muh, brurv uh!

Weiss:I don’t want to know.

Qrow:*Sighs*Dammit, now I’m curious. Whatever. Can’t be that important.

*Smug Jaune is smug*

Jaune:*Storming in* Okay, it was kinda funny when you started hiding my scissors, Yang, but you gotta stop.

Yang:*Who had been eating her lunch, talking with Blake* Okay, what?

Jaune: My razors, Yang. Stop stealing them already.

Yang:*Genuinely baffled* Don’t know what’s crawled up your ass, Jaune, but I haven’t touched your razors. Or your scissors.

Jaune: Oh sure and I just happenedto wanna grow my hair out.

*Sure enough Jaune’s blonde hair now reaches past his shoulders in a half up, half down style*

Blake:*Swirling a glass of water, eying Jaune* I think it looks nice.

Jaune:*High pitched* i tHinK iT loOkS nICe.

Yang: Hey, watch it. She’s being serious. It’s a good look–

Jaune:Fine, whatever, but the beard!? C’mon, stop playing games.

*Jaune also has a pale, almost metallic blonde beard that’s gotten pretty long - to the point where he needs a beard comb*

Yang:And I’m telling you *blows a raspberry, covers her mouth*

Jaune:*Opens mouth, closes it* Okay, not gonna lie. That kind of dismissal actually stings, Yang.

Blake:*Smiling behind her glass*Jaune.*Nods to the wall behind him*

Ruby:*Blushing*

Weiss:*Wide eyed*

Jaune:*Gears slowly start working*

Jaune:*Realization dawns, gasp overdramatically* IT WAS YOU TWO!

Yang:*Bursts out laughing*

Blake:*Giggles*

Jaune:*Gazing brokenly into the distance* Betrayed by my own girlfriends. Oh, I can totally understand why every singer ever has written about heartbreak now.

Weiss:*Eyes are still fidgeting, not looking  at him directly and her cheeks have pinked* Oh stop. I-it’s just…*awkward pause* well it was Ruby’s idea so she should explain it!

Ruby:*Blushes harder and ignores Yang’s cackling* What!? Weiss you traitor! *Weiss refuses to look at her, clasping her hands* Well, uh, Jaune, i-it’s…ah, I know! How about me, you and Weiss go to the bedroom and I’ll fuck Weiss’ face on your dick while you eat me out!

Weiss:*Immediately goes bright crimson, shrieks* RUBY ROSE!

Blake:*Silently shaking from laughter*

Yang:*Freezes, lurches forward a bit* Oh. Well this is a new kind of pain.

*Weiss is slapping at a squealing Ruby, face burning and trying to get past the taller girls defenses*

Ruby:*Defending herself and peeking at Jaune from between her arms* H-howza ‘bout it!? Ow, Weiss, I’m sorry! Ow!

Jaune:*Crosses arms, gives disappointed stare*

Ruby:ACK! Not that look! OW WEISS, MY EYE! *To Jaune, hand over her eye* I only like that look when it’s cause I couldn’t hold my breath long enough or cause I came before Weiss *mutters*again.*Weiss slaps her on the top of the head* Ow, my soft spot!

Weiss:*Her neck is now red too as she finally, grumpily, crosses her own arms* Your entire head’s a soft spot.

Blake:*Has her face on the table to hide her tearful eyes, her body shaking*

Yang:*Clutches her heart* What happened to my sweet little baby sister who wanted me to braid her hair and brought me cookies and her stuffie when I was sad?

Ruby:*Defeated*Fine. I hope you know just what you were turning down–

Yang:*Crisis intensifies*

Ruby:–but if you haveto know, it’s c-cause, well, *quickly*you look super hot with long hair.

Yang:*Distressed*She can shatter my entire world without blinking an eye but that’swhat’s got her bashful!?

Jaune:*Blinks* Uh, thanks?

Ruby:*Blushing, looks away bashfully* Really hot. *Nudges Weiss*

Weiss:*Won’t look him in the eye* No matter how you wear it. Right now? You kinda look like a viking and i-it’s…yummy. *Ruby nods agreeing*Ponytail?

Ruby:Somewhere between starving, sexy artist and casual Jaune, which is just as sexy if not more.

Weiss:And g-gods help either one of us if you let it down because I don’t think you understand how good you look with a breeze running through your hair, just l-looking over the horizon.

Ruby:Even if you’re just thinking about what you’re gonna eat later. Trust me. It works. *Eyes glaze over* It’s like someone took hot guy and heroic knight and wrapped them all into one and *whistles and Yang flinches at it*

Weiss:T-the point is it looks good. Very good.

Jaune:*Shocked, very flattered and blushing* Oh. I had no idea. And my beard?

Weiss:*Face wobbles and she squeals, putting her hands over her face*

Ruby:Uh, that’s Weiss for she likes the way it feels. *Carefully puts an arm up, eying her girlfriend cautiously* Especially when you’re going down on her or she parks it right on you.

Weiss:*Screams into her hands, kicks Ruby in the shin and turns away* R-Ruuuubyyyy!!!!!! These things are supposed to be private! B-between lovers!

Yang:*Looking harrowed* Finally someone speaking sense in this broken, twisted world.

Ruby:Please, Yang knows I do stuff. She’s fine.

Yang:*Gapes, swallows* I think I understand how Dad felt when I started dating now.

Ruby:*Shrugs at Jaune* And I kinda love that too. Plus, just…mmmm.

Jaune: *Rubs his neck, looking away* ‘Mmm’?

Weiss:*Muffled*Yes. Beards suit you. Y-you’re handsome no matter what, but the p-pervert’s not wrong to suggest that this new look is very attractive.

Jaune:*Genuinely bashful* Oh. Then I guess it’s not so bad. But why didn’t you just say something– *Looks at Weiss hiding while Ruby won’t stop cutely fidgeting* –aaannnddd nevermind. Got it.

*They all awkwardly stand there for a few minutes before Jaune nods, looks to Yang*

Jaune:Sorry for accusing you guys, I just figured this had practical joke written all over it.

Yang:*Weakly* N-no problem, Jaune.

Ruby:*Nods in the background* Okay, you got us both all worked up again - OW! My butt! I’m gonna make you kiss it better, Wei-OW-OW-OW! I’m sorry! *Focuses on Jaune, rubbing her recently slapped bottom* Jaune. Bedroom.

Jaune:*Immediately distracted* Well I guess if I’m having that much of an effect *trails off before smirking* but I think I know two girls who are in clear need of spankings. Faces down and asses up, you naughtygirls.

Ruby:*Whispers*Oh gods we gave him confidence. *Shivers, salutes* Yes sir! *Scampers off*

Weiss:*Staring wide eyed, blush acting back up and she swallows, speaks quietly* You’re not the boss of me.

Jaune:*Smirks, walking forward* Oh?*Chases after Weiss who shrieks, spins and runs after Ruby, following her with his head held surprisingly high*

Blake:*Breathing heavily, hiccuping while wiping away mirthful tears* Oh my goodness. Those three are something else.

Yang:*Thousand yard stare* I want to die and never see the light of day again.

Blake: Oh please.

Yang: My poor, innocent baby sister! *Trying not to cry as Blake rolls her eyes, grabbing Yang’s arm to lead her outside and away from the house*

Glynda:*Impatient*And where might Mr. Arc be then, students? Does he think he’s exempt from my classes?

Pyrrha:*Panicked*No!

Weiss:*Also panicked but mostly because she doesn’t want to be lumped in with Jaune* Of course not! That dunce is–

Nora:*Stands, slams her fists into her desk* Obviously he’s doing extra credit and wants to make sure it’s up to par!

Ren:*Squints at Nora from the corner of his eyes, very quietly* And where’s that kind of quick thinking when we were being run out of another village?

Glynda:*Unimpressed* Miss Valkyrie, I haven’t assignedany extra credit.

Nora:*Stubbornly* Then that’s on you!

Glynda:*From unimpressed to baffled in 0.3 seconds* Wha– How!?

Nora:*Speaking as if explaining to a toddler* Obviously Jaune thought there was extra credit! If you were more clear and concise with your explanations we wouldn’t be having this problem!

Weiss:*Moaning into her hands, seeing a mark on her permanent record*

Ruby:*Terrified of the outcome*

Yang:*Impressed*

Blake:*Looks to Ren who seems bored and a shocked Pyrrha*

Glynda:*Collects herself* Enough. If Jaune Arc isn’t here– *Goes silent as the rest of the previously entranced class start giggling*

Jaune: Hey, sorry I’m late! *Weiss gasps*

Jaune:*Wearing a carbon copy of Glynda’s outfit*

Glynda:*Rapidly goes red* W-what in the world–

Jaune:*Nods resolutely* Pyrrha told me I should follow my Dad’s advice this morning with a problem I was having, but Dad also never gave me too much advice when it comes to girls! *Spreads arms* So I wore this to apologize about that whole thing the other night!

Glynda:*Red, horrified*Wha-no-ssshhh!! *Ignores murmuring* You-no-this isn’t… *Sees students staring, comes up with the perfect lie* What advice is that, Mr. Arc? What could t-this possibly do to make up for the fact that you broke the strap off my purse when serving detention?

Jaune:*Proudly* ‘You are what you eat!’ *Grins charmingly*

Pyrrha: *Broken inside and out* What.

*Weiss slumps into her seat in soul crushing defeat, Blake is blushing up a storm, Ruby’s thinking hard, Nora cackles and proceeds to thump her chest before giving Jaune a peace sign, Ren tries not to stare*

Yang:*Respectful awe* Holy shit vomit boy, nice!

Glynda:*Surrounded by purple aura, floor shatters as her semblance activates and she charges at Jaune, blushing and enraged*

Jaune:*Runs away screaming*

Jaune:*From down the hallway* How could you betray me like this, father!?

Ruby:*Realizes what Jaune meant,blushes and hides her face in her cloak* OH!

Qrow:*Enters the room drinking from his flask*

Jaune:*Taps scroll*

Fuzzy Osbourne: ~Wine is fine but whiskey’s quicker, suicide is slow with liquor~

Qrow:*Chokes on whiskey and breaks down into a coughing fit* You little shit.

Nora:*Explaining to the entire table* Everybody was kung fu fighting–

Ren:Actually, it was sambo.

Nora: –and those motherfuckers were fast as lightning!

Ren: By ‘motherfuckers’ she means the elderly and they were actually quite slow, even for their advanced age.

Nora:*Gives Ren a glare but continues on* It was actually kinda frightening–

Ren:*Nonchalantly eating his salad* She laughed.

Nora:*Growing irritated* –because they fought with expert timing! *Dares Ren to do it with her eyes*

Ren:Their reaction time was actually awful and one of them reacted to the pain almost twenty seconds later.

Nora:*Outraged* Alright mister, whose story is it!? *Ren raises an eyebrow* Nope, you know what, that’s it!I’ve had it with you! You’re no longer invited to my birthday! *Ren shrugs and Nora storms off, stomping and Ren goes to toss his tray*

Blake:*Blinking* I’m more curious how Ren seems to know the exact content of Nora’s dreams.

Pyrrha:*Blowing on tea* Some questions are best left unanswered.

~~4 days later~~

Nora:*Hanging off of Ren’s back, sobbing* I take it baaaa-aaaack! You’re invited to my party Ren, you’re invited!

Ren:*Walking unabated, dragging Nora along and says nothing*

Nora:*Wails*I didn’t meeeaaan ii-hii-iit!!!

Weiss:*Genuinely curious* How do you two put up with that? There’s times where even my famed patience *Ruby gives a strained smile, Yang snorts which Weiss ignores* can’t quite handle all of Ruby and Ruby’s about a solid four in comparison to Nora’s eleven.

Pyrrha:*Calmly* Meditation and exercise.

Jaune:*Shrugs* You get used to it.

Nora:*Sobbing and whining obnoxiously* Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!

Jaune:*Irritated* So, I’ve had this song stuck in my head.

Yang:*Not really paying attention* Hate it when that happens.

Jaune: But I can’t remember the name, so–

Ruby: Ooh, that’s the worst! How does it go?

Jaune:*Grins* Bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bah! Dah-dah-dah! Bah-bah-bah–

*RBY gape at Jaune in disbelief*

Ren:*Sighs*

Nora:*Seriously concentrating*

Jaune:–baah-baaah-bah-BAH!

Blake:I think I speak for everybody here when I say we have no–

Weiss:*Uncertain*Isn’t that ‘A Thousand Miles’?

Jaune:*Snaps his fingers* Yes! That’s it! Thanks hun! *Kisses Weiss’ cheek*

Weiss:*Pleased wife, drinks sparkling water in victory*

Jaune:*Singing as he leaves the room* ~and I need you! And I want to! Fuck you iiiiinnn yooouurrr asshole!~

Weiss:*Spittake, chasing after Jaune* Jaune Arc, those are not the lyrics!