My heart has cracks and scars around the center from where knifes were once plunged

I grip my pillow like friend to keep myself from coming undone

I watch memorys like movies still laughing at the funny bits

Still crying at the hard times, that made it so I knew how not to quit.

I found meaning in book pages and quotes by Phill Ochs

“Every bad thing has also happened to better men” I would remind myself between the rocks

Thrown at me by unknown assailants, some of them later became my friends

Some of them would haunt my mind the nights I would burn the candle at both ends.

I gotta keep on moving, so I write poetry just for me

Then I share it with everyone in case it helps them through honesty

So I will keep moving foreword, untill the man in the mirror

Is a man ruled by his heart. And never by his fear

5, 4, 3…

It was five, five before you would find your time had long run out at the end of the line, and with a rushed goodbye be wisked away with both of us wishing that you could stay.

Four, on the floor, as I searched once more, all my studio apartment, for your charging chord. To be the hero one last time; to see that awestruck look in your eyes, and make one last worry dissapear in time

Three, had to be, you and me and he, not allowed to get to close, but still wanting nothing but each others company. Sneaking hand holding in the back of the car, as we shot across distances, however far.

Two, me and you, black and blue, torn up from a day that hell had surely grew, but both of us knowing what yesterday knew. Just how to get through this, when it was just me and you

One. Second to none. A number infinately more than zero, but only by a small sum. The amount of days left together. We will spend it on the run. Or we’ll spend it in the sun. Thinking up all the things we should have done.

Zero, back to five, I wish you didnt have to go. But you’ll miss work and school, I know, I know… But I’ll still be tracing the outline of your silhouette, and I close my eyes as it grows quiet in my head. And I’ll dream of you, come on you stupid sheep. Five four three two one… Sleep.

Suddenly

Suddenly its one a.m.

I wake up in your arms again

The whole room is silent except the fan

And i know now,

I never want to leave again.