A legönzetlenebb szerelem az az, amikor hagyod, hogy a szerelmed szerelmes legyen valaki másba.

Mikor itt vagy tőlem 10 centire, a torkomban dobog a szívem.

Doubt

I doubt my head

But my paintbrush doesnt.

My paintbrush rejoices every time it parades across the page

My paintbrush loves what I create with him

.

I dont feel creative

But my guitar doesnt know this

My guitar only knows the smiles it has brought to people

My guitar only knows the feeling of my fingers dancing across its fretboard

My guitar loves the sounds I create

.

I hate my past

But my lover doesnt

She doesnt see the scars the way I do

And where I would hate the scars I left in myself she presses her lips agaisnt them

Where I would see pain and mistakes she sees the hand of God shapping me to who I am

My love doesnt see my past, only my future

.

I doubt myself at the best of times

But what I create, those who love me

It has always been enough

For they dont see my doubt

They only see me

Poltergeist Love

You cant see me

You cant see the painstaking effort I put into moiving your life forward.

The hours spend holding back the roof about to break,

Or pushing a box a tissues near you when you do.

You cant see the amount of hours I work to keep you feed,

Or the amount of meals I give up so you wont have too.

You cant see the scars I gained holding the world back from hurting you,

Or how none of them hurt as much as the first time I had to watch in horror as you experienced the reality of this life for the first time

I have given you my poltergeist love

Unseen but experienced in every little bit of your daily life

Knowing that as long as your happy and safe

That I have done enough

Even if you cant see me.

M.E.

You are either a hundred miles away

Or just within my arms

You’re either music on the radio,

Or my playlist in my headphones.

You’re either the laugh I have been needing all day,

Or holding me when i have nothing i could possibly say.

You’re not two things though,

You’re just home, and thats all I want you to be.

A thought

I think

That I know

That my thoughts

Are in my control

Till I think

Then my thoughts

Are scattered and silently

Loud, all at the same time

What a place it is

Inside this mind

My heart has cracks and scars around the center from where knifes were once plunged

I grip my pillow like friend to keep myself from coming undone

I watch memorys like movies still laughing at the funny bits

Still crying at the hard times, that made it so I knew how not to quit.

I found meaning in book pages and quotes by Phill Ochs

“Every bad thing has also happened to better men” I would remind myself between the rocks

Thrown at me by unknown assailants, some of them later became my friends

Some of them would haunt my mind the nights I would burn the candle at both ends.

I gotta keep on moving, so I write poetry just for me

Then I share it with everyone in case it helps them through honesty

So I will keep moving foreword, untill the man in the mirror

Is a man ruled by his heart. And never by his fear

Push up

Aimed at the ground,

I fall with out putting in any effort to stop myself.

Push up.

I dont see a reason to get out of bed today,

The noise of the world is just far to loud.

Push up.

I cant seem to catch my breath between the pouring confessions to a friend,

That I havent been alright for weeks.

Push up.

Today im going to try again though,

Today im going to force myself out of bed with all the strength I have.

Today I am going to make it an okay day instead of waiting for one to find me.

No matter how hard life knocks me to the ground today,

I will push up.

Good poetry is like good music

It doesn’t demand your attention

Instead it brings attention to your soul

Everyone wants to be

A shade of gold and silver

While I would rather have

A heart that is opaque

I want when you look at me

To see the faint outline of what is inside

So your brain has to decode

The fuzzy image that lays behind

I’ll show you if you ask,

But first I want you to see

That there is more on the inside

Then what is clear to see

Read me

Inside and outside.

Know my thesis as well as you know my cover.

To those who dont know me describe my font like only you know it;

To those who do, decypher the odd bits that they dont even understand.

Read me inbetween my stanzas,

Between the lines where even though im not saying anything directly.

You still understand me.

Let me be your author.

Read me.

5, 4, 3…

It was five, five before you would find your time had long run out at the end of the line, and with a rushed goodbye be wisked away with both of us wishing that you could stay.

Four, on the floor, as I searched once more, all my studio apartment, for your charging chord. To be the hero one last time; to see that awestruck look in your eyes, and make one last worry dissapear in time

Three, had to be, you and me and he, not allowed to get to close, but still wanting nothing but each others company. Sneaking hand holding in the back of the car, as we shot across distances, however far.

Two, me and you, black and blue, torn up from a day that hell had surely grew, but both of us knowing what yesterday knew. Just how to get through this, when it was just me and you

One. Second to none. A number infinately more than zero, but only by a small sum. The amount of days left together. We will spend it on the run. Or we’ll spend it in the sun. Thinking up all the things we should have done.

Zero, back to five, I wish you didnt have to go. But you’ll miss work and school, I know, I know… But I’ll still be tracing the outline of your silhouette, and I close my eyes as it grows quiet in my head. And I’ll dream of you, come on you stupid sheep. Five four three two one… Sleep.

Pause

A soft wind blows through the grass,

As soft as her fingers through my hair,

It rattles the chains of the nearby swingset,

Accompaniment to the quiet sounds of trafic on an empty street.

Her smile is cool and gentle,

I see its outline while squinting up at her,

The blue sky halos her head like a crown,

My head is resting on her lap.

I kiss her hands as she smooths my stubbly face,

The whole world erases itself, save this park on the side of the road

It’s a good afternoon….

(A)maze

I dont think I’m alone

I’m just alone in my thoughts

Behind these eyes

Is a maze in which I am lost

But behind your eyes

I see only you

So I’m clawing my way out

To get lost in you

Melted

Our past was as clear as footprints in the snow,

But summer came and they are long past melted.

The memories we have are like castles in the sand,

Till waves came in to reclaim what we built with.

What we had was a log cabin of dreams,

But damn if you didnt love playing with matches.

Our heads were in the clouds and the breeze took us away,

And now were left too seperate to fix this.

Dorky love poem 6/19/18

Most important meal of the day,

Last we share before I see you again

Every day with you felt unreal,

Like tea with cinimon

Come back soon my love

Let me hold you in my arms again

And tell you dorky poems

That will fill my heart within

Bite my tongue

Should of bit my tongue

Held back those words vile,

no matter how badly I wished to say them

Tastes like raw meat

Fulfilling in a sense and sickening

Flesh that fills the mouth animalisticaly

Just to be spit out and rot, no sustenance

Only salmonella

Infecting the ears of the target,

Que instinct as we bite and gnash one ‘gainst the other

Words cleverly crafted,

Employed to bite, to tear

What good was this waisted remark

If all our love for another goes to the dogs from it

Bite my tongue

How can you spend all day

Throwing your life to poems and proses

How can you waist your stay?

In a lovely location with your head writing lyrics

Well honestly I can tell you today

I didn’t waist it writing, oh don’t be mistook

To quote what Douglas Adams would say,

It takes much longer, to not write a book

Die from 9 - 5 in the sun

Every sip of water tastes like salt from the sweat that coats my lips

But I can’t rest yet.

Have to eat, eat or I will be sick, and they don’t let sick people work

And I need to work, at least for another day,

Two Tuesdays, plus a Monday in-between

Enough to make rent, just gotta make rent

My skin is burnt, I have aloe at home, gotta stay in the sun for just a hour more, one hour then I can eat.

My stomach is already against the idea of eating,

I gotta rest, but I can’t rest now, if I rest now I can’t work,

If I can’t work I can’t eat, can’t eat can’t work, can’t work can’t have a place to sleep, cant sleep now gotta work, work so I can eat

Can’t eat yet though, gotta work

I gotta get out of this rut,

But to do that I gotta work,

I gotta get out of this work,

I gotta do alot of things

I gotta eat…

Cant eat now.

Have to numb the will to live

To live outside of work

Can’t afford to live, to expensive I’d never eat,

Can’t eat can’t live,

Can’t eat can’t work,

Can’t work can’t sleep

Can’t sleep cant live

Can’t live…

Can’t..

Live…

Can’t…

Work…

Live…

Sleep…

Eat…

Do you know that time when you read Wattpad stories at 3 a.m. and suddenly u have to silent scream?

Yeah me too