Party Prints

Stale soda

Cigarette ash and candle wax

Lingering scents of sweet drinks

and burnt food

The last reminants of strangers

composing themselves as they leave

Scattered confetti

Stained napkins and scattered sharpies

I still have the number you gave me

Cell phones left in the two or threes

Filled with texts and calls

To say they will return to retrieve them

Red cups

Laid like fingerprints across the lawn

Of a wonderful night

Now long gone

Die from 9 - 5 in the sun

Every sip of water tastes like salt from the sweat that coats my lips

But I can’t rest yet.

Have to eat, eat or I will be sick, and they don’t let sick people work

And I need to work, at least for another day,

Two Tuesdays, plus a Monday in-between

Enough to make rent, just gotta make rent

My skin is burnt, I have aloe at home, gotta stay in the sun for just a hour more, one hour then I can eat.

My stomach is already against the idea of eating,

I gotta rest, but I can’t rest now, if I rest now I can’t work,

If I can’t work I can’t eat, can’t eat can’t work, can’t work can’t have a place to sleep, cant sleep now gotta work, work so I can eat

Can’t eat yet though, gotta work

I gotta get out of this rut,

But to do that I gotta work,

I gotta get out of this work,

I gotta do alot of things

I gotta eat…

Cant eat now.

Have to numb the will to live

To live outside of work

Can’t afford to live, to expensive I’d never eat,

Can’t eat can’t live,

Can’t eat can’t work,

Can’t work can’t sleep

Can’t sleep cant live

Can’t live…

Can’t..

Live…

Can’t…

Work…

Live…

Sleep…

Eat…

Suddenly

Suddenly its one a.m.

I wake up in your arms again

The whole room is silent except the fan

And i know now,

I never want to leave again.

War[rant]

Of all the times I’ve known better,

The pang of conscious in the rain.

I knew as long as we had eachother,

These moments wouldnt feel the same.

Now i am staring at my own reflection,

Ripping out my stiches time to time;

I cant stand what the outside isnt becoming.

I hope its different inside.

the water that douses the flame

you posted her. a girl, i don’t even know. you posted her on your story so i made up one. i recorded your story and when you asked me about it, i proceeded to lie and say it was an accident. an accident. a mistake. just like it was a mistake to fall so hard for you. you know i’m in love with you and yet you still can’t even fathom it. you can’t fathom how deeply i love you, how if i were to lose you i would cry for days until there was nothing left. i would cry and cry. but i won’t. i will not lose you. because losing you would mean the end of the world, because you are my world. you consume my thoughts day after day, week after week, minute after minute! i walk to class, my mind filled with thoughts of you, not paying attention to where my feet are going, but to the thoughts of you in my head. i sit in a lecture and find myself thinking of you. i make conversation with my teacher and classmates but i don’t remember what happens. i answer the questions correctly but i can’t retain the information. i close my eyes and i see you.

when you post a girl on your story who is beautiful and you say she is your heart, a tiny fire of jealousy starts in my chest, it grows and grows the more air i breathe and the only way to put it out is by talking to you, the water that douses the flame.

broken words

9-6-20

excerpt from a poem i wrote

3-5-20

excerpt from a poem i wrote

23-5-20

25-8-19

28-2-20

26-4-19

a life in quarantine

30-4-20

26-5-19

thoughts by me

28-2-20

Loop

I wish I could go back and tell myself to turn around. That someone extraordinary was sitting behind her. And to also tell her of the heartbreak to come. the reward after is still what I am searching for so maybe I should just let her go and find out herself. That maybe I could with to go back and… -some0nereally

Goodbyes

They say you never know when the dead visit if they stay or go all we know is that you are gone and hope you go. -some0nereally

Guidance

I hope that no matter how far apart we are the wind will carry my words to you and within the roar of the wind you will hear my voice and feel the winds gently hold you close to it then you will turn around and think of me but for now I can only hope. -some0nereally

Rehab

Hello my name is Emma and I am here today because I am addicted to a blue eyed boy’s smile. I was told of the consequences before I looked but it was to late. I was already drowning. My friends told me I needed help when I couldn’t stop comparing the sky to your eyes. I didn’t want to go to class because you were not there and so I skipped 3rd hour. I was laying down in a open field looking at your eyes I mean the sky. Yea it was the sky -Some0nereally

Cold

I used to love the coldness of winter but now all I can think of is how much you hate it. -Some0nereally

Just in case

If one day for some reason you find my tumblr… I can explain… Just please let me say what I’ve been wanting to say to you for so long now… -Some0nereally

Chaos

One day, when the world falls to chaos we will be standing there side by side looking at what was and what could have been. -Some0nereally

Crush

When I think of you I get butterflies and a red face. -Some0nereally

Final bow

Tonight i will give my final bow. Goodbye to my time on stage. My final highschool bow.-some0nereally

Enough

Some days I want to travel the world. Other days being with you is enough. -Some0nereally

Small things

You think I didn’t notice when you looked at me when I wasn’t looking. You thought the reason why I smiled wider was because of what we were watching. Little do you know I was smiling at you. -Some0nereally

I turned around to follow you but your footprints were covered by snow. Even mother nature was telling me not to go.-some0nereally

Versions

One day the world will see me as myself and not this patched up version of me. -Some0nereally

Acting

One day I’ll be able to tell that I am off the stage and have been for a while. I haven’t been able to see me in the mirror since you walked in. One day I’ll take my final bow and then it will all be over. Maybe then you will walk away when the curtain closes.-some0nereally

Soon my rainbow sky will turn dark but right now I live in it with you. -Some0nereally

Catch me spilling stars

Across floorboards

Like glitter specks,

They dash around

Impossible to kill

You have to wait

For them to dry up

And become black holes

Fuck them anyways,

Useless ornaments

Writers love them too much

They’re wishes,

They’re tears,

They’re hopes,

They’re nothing to me—

I swear it upon my soul

I speak of them

With exasperation

Stars sicken me

Them and their likenesses

Are etched too deep

—They ruin my dreams,

And stop my sleep

Endless escapades and

earnest midnight dreams

Haunt the world after dark,

beneath a sad moon’s gleam

A breath taken,

But not a second passes by

—You could bike to the stars

The once taut rope

Loosened and stretched far

There are spirits that come

To fill souls and liquor cups

Gold and flashing dresses

Solid to the touch

What wonders exist

In the corners of night

Oil lamps, candlelight,

Dewed eyes sparkling bright

They all conjure such rise,

These late hours

Swathed in shadow—

Amidst fantastical lies

Measure my dreams in grains of sand

A thousand nothing more than

The worth of a single pebble—

In the belly of a ravenous koi

I can’t sleep—

Last time I allowed

Whales to dance

Through my brain

But I cannot sleep

My thoughts are running

Like moving water

Where fish dance—

Sparkling river

Leading them

Downstream

Reel all my thoughts

Impale them on sticks

Roasting over flame

Let tomorrow

Burn them all away

Warmth emanates from

the singular chimney

Housed within the heart

Of a drafty mansion

It’s where the deer go

To lie upon rickety floorboard

As sparrows acquaint themselves

With the abandoned rocking chair

Preening their worries away

Serenity melded with serendipity

The course of the universe

Ivy stretching over bricks

Decomposition of matter

And the soul