Thanks for the ask, anon, this was something i would like to talk about before so i am glad you did :)).

There are things that definitely should’ve changed/never happenned in Fruits Basket. Also there are things that could’ve been better and the things i personally would like to change so here we go.

I think we should’ve seen more insight of Tohru. After all, she is the main character. I wish she take the control of her own story and become the narative of it, instead of hearing everything from other characters. We also should explore the side of her that she saw dirty, that she would do anything to feel secure because i think showing characters capable of being dark makes them more real and human. It should’ve happenned with Tohru too. This side of her should’ve been more explored.

Tohru should’ve treated more realistic, not everyone realize her pain and kindness and they shouldnt keep narrate her as if she is angel, its unrealistic. Because not everyone can love everyone, no matter how good you act, most people wont realize it and its okay. So basically that ‘main character’ and ‘shoujo’ power shouldnt happen. She is just a normal girl and she should’ve been treated that way. Tohru’s unhealthy behaours such as toxic positivity and people pleasure should’ve been adressed and she should learn to deal with her feelings better. That she stop smilling always and let her feelings be free.

And i think her parallels with Akito should be one of the biggest focus in story than romance.

Before continue, i would like to erase or at least adress every toxic and exist ideas in story. Just imagine that they all gone. Its a story about invidual’s importance than sacrificing their happiness for everyone, that its both important. Just imagine that they all adressed one by one and characters find the right ways. Because being ‘good’ person doesnt make you less toxic or justifiable. Its about challenging yourself every day so characters also should face consequences of their actions, not just one character.

Tohru’s besties Hana and Uo are still protective of her cause she make them worry but they are not overprotective or at least, later they should realize that they made Tohru more fragile by constantly trying to protect her.

The rivalry between Kyo and Yuki was more dramatic and brutal than comedy relief. Because the tension between them would be more than just comedy and simple fight.

I think Momiji is really cute little boy (kinda reminds me of Misha from Vnc). Foolish traveler story doesnt exist, he just mentions that Tohru’s kindness is not her being stupid to others and he wants them to realize her because in this story, not everyone realize her. He relates Tohru about this cause others dont realize him either in a way.

He is very fond of her and projects her mother issues on her, thats why he feels jeolous of Kyo, he doesnt want to loose his mother figure. He never view her as romantic interest. + Momiji doesnt really change when he become teenager like that.

Kana didnt loose her mind cause of what Akito said because thats ridicilous. Who would care random teenager’s words and loose their minds? Some maids blame on Kana for it, all the pressure around Kana made her give up and lead her to blame herself. Which is the side of story not many zodiac members know about.

Akito didnt try to kill Rin twice, the reason is its simply unnecessary. One time was enough for the plot. And it didnt happen with pushing from the window. (and its also pointless to get Rin hurt pyshically so its unnecessary). When Akito learnt Rin was going out with Haru, she put her to cat house and cut her hair. She put her there as punishment, later she let her go by thinking she understood her lesson. Its obviously traumatized Rin. Later, we met Rin with short hair at the first time. Later in story, we find out why her hair become like that even though it was shown as long in Haru and other zodiac members’s memories.

Kyo rejects Kagura and talk about how much uncomfortable he felt around her, that he doesnt love her cause she never give him a break, that she doesnt respect him as person, calling her out for her abuse. + Arisa never beats Kyo but just tease him as joke.

Ritsu was shown with his boy clothes when he was introcuded. He was seen as shy boy and at the end of story, he was shown in girl clothes as growth cause thats what who he really wants to be, that its okay to be himself, that he can enjoy with what he likes.

Haru had a love triangle type of relationship betwen Yuki and Rin and it actually adressed, instead of treating it as joke.

Rin and Haru never slept but they just kissed each others when they started going out. And actually they were more than just lovers, they were besties who supported each others. Also Rin never saw her body as something she can offer to others.

Ayame had a thing for Hatori and he is just besties with Mine.

Not every zodiac members like each others and they dont do that banquet meeting anymore cause they dont need it, they are free. Story also should’ve adressed other character’s flaws too, not just certain ones. And it shouldnt been treated as comedy relief.

Rin also gets friends outside of Tohru at school and after Tohru and Kyo talk, Rin and Kagura understand each others more and gets closed, like sisters.

And when Haru learnt that what Akito did, thats when he got mad. Also other zodiac members learn it later and feeling bad for not realizing sooner. Not just them, it even make Tohru uncomfortable so her lack of empathy towards Akito increase too.

Kureno always saw Akito as cute younger sister or even like his own daughter so naturally, he never had romantic or sexual desire for her. He witnessed her suffering and he decided that he had to protect her, even it means ignoring other people’s suffering. Because to him, his younger sister’s happiness was more important than anything. He also felt responsible for her.

And Kureno and Uo didnt have some kind of love story. Arisa had one sided crush/interest cause he was looking like male version of Tohru but Kureno never see her that way. Tohru wanted to see him cause she thought he needed to be saved too. The reason why Kureno decided to talk with Tohru because he saw her positive effect on zodiac members and decide to talk about his and Akito’s side of story. At the end, Kureno had a last talk with Akito at hospital. They talked about their feelings and suffering. And Kureno decided to leave for a while. They both wished happiness for each others.

Shigure, just like Kureno never really had romantic or sexual feelings for Akito but he was obsessive with her. At first, it was shown as he was obsessed with Akito, this is why he got jeolous of his secretive relationship with Kureno. He didnt sleep with Ren but he helped her in some authority cases, this is why Akito told him to leave from here. Then Shigure to decide to use zodiacs for his goal and after some time pass in story, we learn that what he was truly obsessive about was the connection between god and zodiac members.

Because of his neglective family and his position as zodiac in Sohma Place made him search a reason to live. He thought that he could achieve it by being the ‘special one’ for god so he used everyone for the sake of it. He is still the same jerk. But at the end, after the curse, he felt empty. At the end, he realized that what truly gave meaning to his life was his connection with zodiac members, not the ‘bond’ but it was too late because he used them as tool and in the end, most of them left him too. After all, actions have consequences. He also gets punched.

Katsuya was a few years older than Kyoko, they were in same high school. Katsuya’s father realized that Kyoko needed help so he let her live in their house to become family which lead Katsuya and Kyoko’s falling in love with each others. Then years later, they get married and have Tohru.

Akito never really fall in love with anyone, she was just really confused with her relationship with parents, maids and zodiac. She was acting flirty unconciously cause of Ren. She unciously imitate her mother’s seductive behavours sometimes.

Hana never had any interest on Kyo’s father even as joke but she casually tease him about Tohru. But when she randomly saw Akito at school, she found her hot without knowing who she is.

Kyo never witness Kyoko’s death. We dont need two death story to make it tragic. Its also cliche. Kyo met with Kyoko when he ws young but he never saw her death. When he found out that Tohru was her daughter and she id dead, she felt regret without ever telling her to goodbye.

(Honestly, maybe it would’ve been better if Tohru didnt end up with Kyo, instead they are just very close friends/they just became like that in the end).

I also think there should be another character besides Tohru who can be actually parental figure for zodiac members. Tohru’s taking mother role at young age is unhealthy and it would be very limited so there should be one more character besides her to help them. Maybe Kazuma can be one or another person who can fulfill that role.

Rin should’ve meet with Akito after Akito’s change and Rin lash out and scream about her pain and how she will not forgive Akito. I think they both need this talking at least. Akito also cries too by hearing, it lead her to understand the suffering her actions caused to others. Akito’s crying made Rin surprised. She doesnt forgive her there but now, she understands her change and why others are open minded about Akito. And they both just leave.

Story was longer than it actually was. We saw about the Sohma place people more and Tohru met with them and it actualy broke her, even lead her to act angry sometimes. And actually seeing parents like that made her feel so sad and frustrated.

Also story focus on more actual villains of story, abusive parents and how much it hurts their children. This part of story should’ve been adressed more. And their children should realize this too, that they also dont have to forgive them and they can have life without them too.

We should get more side of Akito. Since she was a character who will eventualy get redemption and the real curse is not just zodiac’s, its also her side, it is important. We get backstory of how she was groomed since her young age, as the lead of that place, as god, as ‘special one’ and how maids take advantage of her. Even after her encounter with Tohru, we get see her struggling and suffering more. Story doesnt end there.

After reaching out to Akito, Tohru request Akito to end the curse and Akito says she doesnt know how. Eventually they all become free, when they let go including Akito herself. It happens later.

At the hospital scene, when Akito asks ‘Why they they help me? Why are they kind to me? Why are you kind to me?’ to Momiji and he answers with ‘Well, you needed help so….isnt it only natural?’ with a smile on his face.

We see how sohma people start blaming on Akito for not being ‘proper’ leader. Even Ren tried to kill her. Which eventually made zodiac members realized that curse wasnt just on them, it also hers too as ‘god’. Because of Ren attempting to kill Akito, they realize that Akito cant stay here cause she cant even protect herself cause of guilt. She stays in mental hospital, gets help and Tohru and Hanajima often visits her. Later, Akito having a normal life with her friends at outside.

Since Tohru meets with Akito a lot, Kyo and Akito see each others a lot, they even become actually friends. Sometimes Kyo tease her by calling her god and her change. It also kinda make Akito embrass about it and smile. After all, cat and god was supposed to be close but Akito and Kyo only become friends after they stopped being cat and god so it was funny too.

Tohru and we audience learn more about the old zodiacs and how much brutal it was even in past. Past gods were even more cruel since it was old times. Tohru doesnt just stay in house and coincidently meeting with zodiacs, she also takes action to look for them and learn more about the curse and of course, she is really curious of them too.

Everyone eventually get to learn actual curse of story.

And maybe this is just me but i would like this story to happenned in fantasy world, idk i think it would be more interesting. With a little more magic, more drama and action, it would be really amazing, i think.

Well, i could write more and more but you get the point. This is my version of it. Its a lot more fun. I imagine something like this, its a lot better, i think. There might be things i forgot to say but for now thats it.

kiraraboshi:

it kills me how many magical girl shows with interesting premises were ruined in my eyes bc the authors decided to focus more on the bland romances rather than the plot.

Agreed. I think thats not jut with magical girl shows, its just one of the general problems of shoujo mangas. I used to love shoujo as child but i wouldnt understand that much but when i grow up, i come to hate it more but also those days, i am thinking that actually some shoujos has really interesting plot and characters that could’had amazing potential. But all those toxic traditional belifes (mostly gender role based by society), messed-up relationships (whether its really toxic or child x teen/ teen x adult type of relationships), focusing romance instead of plot, good-bad victim mentality and especially the ‘special girl’ trope (using one girl/basically main characters to make her look somehow she is better than other girls, instead of showing ‘every girl is special in their own way) etc etc and many problems like this, all those things really ruin the series.

I try to ignore those parts by enjoying the series but imagine the potential, if those things didnt happen but instead, we get more focus on plot, imagine those toxic and messed up things doesnt exist or adressed by narrative, imagine characters and plot is more detailed and well written, i mean imagine the potential. That many shoujos with good plot and characters rewritten in modern perspective and knowledge without romanticizing toxicity and messed up things. Even thinking about it makes me excited.

I still enjoyed sugar sugar rune and honestly, my main focus was Vanilla and her relationship with MC (i love to see female friendships) and the plot of people’s hearts, it was just interesting and fun and it could be better :’)))) but wel, whatever, i fixed it all in my own way.

[image descriptions in alt text]

I took it as a challenge. Its my special interest and I say when we’re done, mam.

(yes she really said this)

Hey there! I was hoping if anybody would give me constructive criticism and feedback for the first chapter of the novel I’m finally writing and satisfied with writing?

The first chapter is 3000ish words, with a bolded line at 2000 words since this was a creative writing assignment. 

Please feel free to comment on the doc itself, or on this post, and please be as brutal as possible! You won’t hurt my feelings, and brutal honesty is necessary to get better at writing! It can be about anything at all: the dialogue, the characters, the flow, whether it bored you or not, etc! 

rainstorminsilver:

Tips for Taking Critiques when you are Rejection Sensitive™

Heyo, I just did another ADHD writer tips post and I realize that I also really want to address doing critiques as someone who deals with RSD from that ADHD. It feels like something people don’t talk about enough because frankly critique is h a r d.

Alright, so as a forewarning, dealing with critiques tends to be all about emotional literacy and frankly a lot readjusting your perspective. So if this post isn’t as much about “here’s a quick trick that can make it easier!” then that’s why. I would make it simpler if I could, trust me.

So. Let’s get into it!

#1: Something in your writing sucking (according to someone) is normal and doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

I want to put this right up front because it is absolutely the one thing that can just Solve The Problem. The issue, as you’re probably already thinking, is that it’s difficult as hell to internalize. The way everyone acts teaches us not to believe it, and it’s SO hard to just go from being terrified of being wrong to being totally chill with it. But the feeling that messing up=badbadbad is at the root of rejection sensitivity in critiques, and if you can get to the root you can solve the problem altogether. 

…so I’m leery about the way the whole rest of this post is going to go, because a lot of the coping skills I developed assume that critique is supposed to be harsh and it’s normal and understandable to be hurt by it. And it /is/ normal, but leaning into coping skills that assume criticism is bad reinforces the idea its self. 

And yet it’s so much better to have the coping skills than not, so here we go.

#2: Identify times you’re trying to perform emotions for your critique partners/an audience and reduce them as much as possible.

There’s this idea that you have to act grateful when people give you criticism or you’re not “taking criticism.” The problem is if you’re rejection sensitive, trying to act grateful when you’re feeling hurt is way too much of a burden. You do not owe anyone an emotional reaction. The line is drawn when you verbally abuse your critique partners, not when you lock down and forget to say “thank you.”

#3: If you can’t stop performing and it’s taking up brain space, develop a personal code of conduct so you don’t have to worry abt how to act.

Because again, your brain needs to focus on processing the critiques, not trying to make your face look attentive or your “thank you” read natural. I have a code of conduct that I tend to use during the first few rounds of critiques, before I’m comfy with my partners. I’m allowed to say “yes, no, could you repeat that? Could you expand on that?” and “thank you.” 

If I’m doing in person I always have my head down and I’m constantly taking notes, because that conveys that I’m giving weight to what is being said, even if I’m making a stink face. 

Again, you only need a code of conduct if the energy you put into being quiet is less than the energy you put into “acting right.”

#4: Take steps against compound embarrassment. 

It’s hard enough when you get a response you didn’t want to hear, but what’s really going to keep you ruminating on an exchange is if you respond emotionally and say something you regret. A lot of writers manage this by limiting the amount they’re allowed to respond and living by their code of conduct. 

That approach can feel like you’re punishing yourself, though. And per point #6, you do lose out. You could instead use any number of prepared goal-oriented responses, or maybe do a post-critique debrief. Personally, I like to focus on just staying on-task as much as possible, because it’s possibly I only act out when my brain has too much space to make me overthink. What matters is that you can go into critiques feeling confident that you won’t say anything you’d regret later.

#5: Calculate for emotional wounding (and remember there is nothing wrong with you as a person because it happens.)

Sometimes when you get negative feedback on something you were invested in, the emotional response feels and acts like a bodily injury. I find it’s easier to compartmentalize it like it is an actual injury, because for me that automatically takes the subconscious stigma out. It also informs how I nurse it.

I find the most important way to prepare for it is by making sure that I don’t have a deadline too close. It’s to give the wound time to heal up before I’m forced to face the critiques for real. And for sure, take off all pressure to assess or respond to the critiques when you first get them. Keep your mind off it for a bit, do some self-soothing, and try to make sure you’re in a comfortable setting where you don’t have to perform when you do return to it.

#6: Don’t approach a critique by “being open,” approach it with the active goal of improving.

When you’re “open,” you’re vulnerable. You’re just passively waiting for the brick to drop and you’re intentionally not guarding yourself. Don’t do that. Instead, say “I am trying to improve this, can I use this person’s criticism to do that?” 

Bear with me because I love metaphors too much, but be a spider about this. Your critique partners give you insects to nourish your story, and you don’t respond by letting the insects sting you. It’s fine to emotionally guard yourself! Some critiques have stingers, and you have to be in control before you can really assess them. Your job is to dissect the insect, see if it’s nutritious for your story, then include it or don’t. It’s not your job to take body blows.

#7: It’s not you vs critique partners, it’s you and critique partners working together to build a better story. 

Sometimes you’ll notice that your critique partners don’t approach it this way, and that’s a serious problem. Most critiquers I’ve know have had no problem viewing their job as offering help to you. If they take the attitude that their job is to tear you down and that will make you tougher, they’re never going to work for you and they probably don’t understand RSD. Get them gone ASAP.  

And if you’re trapped in a classroom setting with them, step 1: ask them to kindly cut that shit out and be constructive for once. Step 2: if they don’t stop, ask the professor/teacher if you could stop getting critiques from this person. It will probably hurt their grade but your mental health comes first and hey it builds character right?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#8: Keep asking clarifying questions.

It can frankly be as simple as repeating their critique back to them, especially if you’re doing in-person. I’ve literally said exact statements back to people and had them go “well I mean not exactly.”

Most critique partners have tons of stuff going on in their heads, and they’re trying their best to choose the Right Thing To Say, which often means saying less. If you had a negative response to something they said, chances are you can ask them if they thought it was irredeemably bad, or if they like something about it or what, and they’ll give you something more workable.

#9: Keep communicating on a meta-level and ask for accommodations when you need them.

Actually, it totally is expected that you should have a preference about how you get your critique and that you need to make changes to the structure of those critiques regularly. 

Like, I almost always start out by asking for less compliments. Especially if someone always gives critiques in a compliment sandwich, I have to ask for that to not happen. If I sense a critique is disingenuous, I stop believing any compliments. But it still happens that I want to workshop a piece that just isn’t popular with my critiquers, and sometimes I find that I don’t want to struggle through pounds and pounds of depressing feedback. It was reasonable to ask for no compliments and just as reasonable to ask for more compliments down the road.

If you need someone to change how they act towards you, you need to let them know and they need to respect it.

Okay, that’s all I got.

Go forth and remember that getting bad critiques does not mean your writing is actually bad. Good luck and take care of yourself!