Um hi, so was anyone going to tell me that Viago originally had a mullet in Interviews With Some Vampires, the 2005 short film and precursor to What We Do In The Shadows, or was I supposed just find out on my own…
I love how Kayvan somehow manages to frame Nandor and Guillermo’s relationship as a romance in whatever interview he is in, regardless if that was the question or not.
Or how he just unloads Nandor’s emotional baggage, like “he doesn’t want to turn Guillermo because then Guillermo might leave him and he can’t lose him because he needs him and loves him but isn’t ready to accept that, and anyway what was the question?”
it’s jokes on here but rly truly genuinely the thing u like abt taika’s core affect has always been his māori-ness. what ur perceiving in his comedy and writing and emotional beats and exploration of masculinity and general clown shit is peak pasifika. not that islanders have the monopoly on his tone but. since 2 cars 1 night, eagle vs shark, flight of the conchords, boy, hunt for the wilderpeople, what we do in the shadows, our flag means death etc. he has never not been a māori eccentric making distinctly happy-sad dramedies born out of māori boyhood and the cadence of nz aoteoroa village kid humor like. that is an islander doing bits at ur aunty’s funeral if i ever saw one
Okay I’m gonna make this it’s own post cause it’s important.
Good Omens, WWDITS, and OFMD are all queer rep. But I really do think the main reason why ofmd feels the most ‘real’ for some people is it scratches a particular itch a lot of people on Tumblr have been trying to get for years.
Good Omens has two characters who appear to be men. Both characters spend thousands of years pining after each other and falling in love, but it’s not 'explicitly states’ not is there a kiss. There is rep for nonbinary folks, AroAce folks, but it’s not 'gay.’ The rep is purely 'queer.’
What We Do in the Shadows has a romance between two men. Both, while confirmed to be gay/bi, have not kissed or hugged or been 'romantic’ on screen. They’ve been intimate and have had arcs to show care, jealously, and whatnot but nothing very romantic. At least, not from a classic standpoint. The creators are pushing a 'will they/won’t they’ arc. This is normal in many TV shows, but for many queers who are used to queerbaiting, the expectation is to be let down. Even if all the signs point to 'they will’ it still hits that traumatic 'queerbaiting’ tone for many.
Our Flag Means Death has a romance between not only two men, but a side romance between two men that has a kiss scene. The two main leads are romantic towards each other. But not only that, the creator has made it explicitly clear this is a romance. He has pushed again and again that this will happen, it’s just a slow burn. There is explicit 'gay’ rep on screen and promised future 'gay’ rep.
The reason ofmd resonates is because of what other posts have pointed out. Supernatural, Merlin, Sherlock; over and over two men have been shipped together with such fervor, it feels like a betrayal when it’s ignored. Or teased and then ignored. We don’t want to be traumatized again.
But also, they all represent one type of rep. Romantic, gay rep of two cishet men finding love. Even though in the case of Destiel, Cas is rarely viewed as anything but a cis man (even though that’s very not true). The expectation that those previous failures are being redeemed by this one show can make the queer rep in other shows seem less desirable.
Good Omens, WWDITS, and OFMD are three different types of queer rep, but ofmd has a specific trauma reaction being healed tied to it. And it’s okay to recognize that, but also, it needs to be recognized that does not take the queerness away from other shows.
None of these shows are queerbaiting. Acknowledge your trauma and enjoy them all for what they are, not what you want them to be.
nadja and guillermo take london! and they’re doing so well after their respective break ups you would not even BELIEVE (twitter) [ID in alt] (full size a/b)
I really DO NOT understand ppl that insist on making guillermo this sweet innocent little scrimblo baby or whatever. why would you even want that when the canon version of him is so much more fun and objectively better. guillermo is fundamentally deranged and fucked in the head and he is the best character on television because of it
guillermo de la cruz changed the world forever when he licked an unknown substance off the pavement in new york city and immediately identified it as vampire piss
canonically, he’s been luring victims to the vampire residence for ten years. a decade. he’s a serial killer of human people.
Deacon’s trying on a jacket right in front of me, with an unconvincing and definetely unconfident look on his face.
“Oh shut up, it suits you! And didn’t that girl at the Boogie tell you she liked military jackets? Maybe you’ll meet her again tonight, who knows.”
“Yes, but I wanted the other one!”
“You look good with this one, too! Vladislav, tell him”
“Yeah, you look good in this” Vlad says, putting on his vest “the other one made you look fatter.”
Deacon stops before turning to Vladislav a murderous look.
“What do you mean with…‘fatter’?”
“No, no…Deacon, he’s just messing with you!” I try to intervene while his eyes become flaming “Remember, that girl came to talk to you last time. Not to him. He’s just jealous…” I add quietly and winking.
He seems to calm down a bit, dampening the flames that were about to come out of his ears and taking a deeper breath.
“You’re lucky your human pet has this ability to calm me down…otherwise your head would already be hanging from that dusty chandelier.”
“It’s dusty 'cause you never clean it!”
“Wait, wait…excuse me? What’d you just call me?” I ask again interrupting their bickering one more time.
Deacon gets even closer to me looking at him with eyes wide open, he lifts my chin a bit with his index and then attach his blue eyes inside mine, trying to give me his best bewitching look.
"…but a very sexy pet.“
I slap his hand off my face, trying to hold back the anger and frustration that I’d like to vent right now.
"You’re obnoxious.”
The sweetness of Viago’s eyes manages to appease my anger, approaching me as he puts on his brown coat.
“You sure you’re not coming?”
Last time we had a really good time together but tonight, despite their invitation to go with them, I kindly declined the offer preferring to stay home to relax, maybe reading a book. Petyr has now forcibly accepted my presence in his house and, although I’m aware that the risk is never zero, I think he has now given up the idea of eating me…or at least I hope.
It’s the second time this week they’re going downtown. I know that Wellington is a pro-vampire city and that their presence has been accepted by now, but…I don’t know, I just don’t want them to exaggerate with this nightlife and I’m a little worried. As a human I know well that there’s still a good chunk of the city’s people who see them as a plague to be eradicated, as monsters to cast out.
“Yes Viago, I’m sure. Have fun…and be careful!” I say it out loud, waving as I watch them walking down the driveway. If I don’t stop thinking about the fact that I’m saying bye-bye to three vampires who are going to find someone to eat, well…it would all seem pretty normal. I close the door making sure it’s really locked and find myself alone in this large hall, looking again into the eyes of that stuffed ibex that every time seems to wonder what I’m doing here. I wouldn’t have an answer, actually.
I really feel like to lie down and read a good book, have a glass of wine and begin to feel this house…a little bit more mine. I want to try to relax and not think about this involuntary unease that I feel inside of me. Is that really jealousy I’m feeling? Towards some poor, unaware girl who’s gonna be a vampire dandy dinner tonight? Damn, I feel so stupid.
I’m about to go up the stairs when suddenly someone knocks on the door, startling me and getting my heart pounded down my throat. Strange things happen in this house, I never know what to expect.
“Who is it?” I ask, wary.
“It’s Viago!”
Viago? I thought he was on the bus downtown by now. I open the door and he’s right in front of me, smiling in a clumsy attempt to hide his fangs.
“Viago, what…did you forget something?”
He seems to get a little nervous, like he was looking for the right words.
“I was thinking, maybe…I could stay here with you and keep you some company, tonight”
The shy sentence ends with a subtle questioning tone and his big dark eyes look at me before they lower, waiting for an answer.
“Sure, I’d love to.”
I open the door even more and step aside, letting him in. Viago remains silent watching me close the door again, when I look at him his mouth stretches out again in a shy smile.
“So, what were your plans for the evening?”
“Oh, I didn’t have any” I reply “I thought I’d just relax reading a book, listening to some music…”
“Cool!” he says with his usual enthusiasm. “We could stay in my room and read some of the poetry books I showed you last time, if you want. I even fixed my gramophone!”
“That sounds nice.”
With a gesture of the hand Viago invites me to follow him and we take the long corridor. He looks tense, turns nervously a few times to see if I’m still behind him and then stops at the door of his room, opening it in a long creaking.
“Just wait here a second, okay?”
Viago moves in the pitch dark without any problem, as if the room were brightly lit. I can barely see him approaching the fireplace and light the numerous candles scattered above it, carefully moving the match in his hand. When he turns on the others on the bedside table and at the foot of his coffin, he happily smiles at me again.
“Please, come in!”
With a certain timidity I pass the threshold and enter his room, looking around with curiosity. I’d never entered Viago’s room and no other’s except mine, they have always been forbidden and off limits to me. Inside Viago’s the first thing I notice is the mahogany coffin, dark and with some beautiful carvings along the lid, made of a nice sturdy wood. It looks somehow comfortable between these walls adorned by many painted white flowers. He quickly passes over it a flap of his shirt sleeve, rubbing it a bit before inviting me to sit.
“Sorry, I’m not used to having guests…”
The light of the candles makes the atmosphere around us so relaxing and intimate, my fingers tighten the edge of the wood near my thighs while watching Viago tinker with his gramophone, turning to me from time to time to give me a reassuring smile.
“Do you like classical music?” he asks me continuing to turn the handweel on the side of that thingy. I nod.
“Here we go…”
The music begins to spread inside the room and Viago comes up sitting next to me on the coffin.
“I don’t see any papers or towels around here so I guess you’re not gonna eat me tonight” I tell him sarcastically looking around as he smiles timidly and looks down.
“Could I ask you something?”
I nod.
“Vladislav told me that you want to be a vampire, and…I was just wondering…”
“You’re wondering why.”
“Well…that’s quite unusual.”
I take a deeper breath, in silence. What should I answer? Should I give him an honest answer or should I tell him what I think he wants to hear?
“Have you ever felt like…in the wrong place? As if you were in the wrong time, in a place where you just don’t belong?”
Viago looks at me with his big dark eyes but remains silent.
“I’ve never been able to adapt to this kind of life. To this life, to…life. And just as I thought that death might give me relief, Vladislav offered me eternal life. I figured it was a sign.”
Did I really just tell him I thought about killing myself? Gee.
“…plus I’ve seen 'Interview With The Vampire’ at least ten times, not to brag.” I add quickly in a pathetic attempt to play down and focus the conversation on something else. If there’s one thing I really don’t want to do it’s be heavy and petulant with my dark thoughts.
“Ten times?”
I proudly nod, puffing myself up.
“You know, somewhere I must have a book you might like.”
Viago gets up and approaches his library, looking for that mysterious book he was telling me about. I observe his movements in silence, so graceful and delicate in everything he does. His finger runs along the many backs of his books bound in leather as if it were a breath of wind and his white skin stands out in the darkness of the room. I suddenly feel something in my stomach. Trying to distract myself I look away down on the small wooden table next to the coffin. Just right by the alarm clock I see a necklace with a pendant in what appears to be silver, so beautiful and shiny even in this darkness.
“What is it?” I ask taking it in hand and Viago turns to me, freezing.
“Can you please…just…”
He gets close to me so fast I didn’t even notice, but not so fast as to stop me before opening it. Inside there’s a photograph in black and white, the portrait of a beautiful girl with short and dark hair. Next to it the portrait of Viago, so serious and proud in his gaze towards the horizon, depicted in a beautiful photograph that looks like that of a nobleman. For a moment I feel my heart skipping a beat and then picking it up right away: so he’s in love.
He gracefully takes the pendant from my hands and observes its contents for a second, without saying anything while from his fingers begin to come out a stream of smoke.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” I say feeling a little guilty about my cheek, I shouldn’t have pried in his things like a nosey kid. Sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong is always dangerous, you can find out things you don’t want to know and that’s just what happened tonight. I definetely did not need to know that.
Viago sighs and then smiles at me gently.
“Don’t worry, it’s no big deal. I’m just a little touchy about this.”
“Is that your girlfriend?”
He puts it on the table again.
“No, not anymore.”
“What happened?”
He sighs.
“I came to this country for love. I fell in love with that girl, a human girl…and…I was smitten, totally into her”
The pit in my stomach tightens even more, I continue to listen in silence and with attention as he sits again next to me.
“Her family emigrated to New Zealand and I decided to chased her, wanted to tell her how I felt. So I told my servant Phillip 'Send me to New Zealand’…but he put the wrong postage on my coffin so the whole journey took about eighteen months. When I got here she had found someone else. She had fallen in love and she was married.”
His eyes remain low and I can hear a little melancholy in his tone of voice.
“I’m sorry, Viago. Must have been tough.”
“Yeah…” he sighs “well, it was a long time ago.”
I look at the profile of his face and can’t help but wonder where his facial features come from. They seem someway exotic, framed by two beautiful dark sideburns. I can’t tell if it’s because of his delicious German accent, or because of his hands adorned with those lace sleeves peeking out from under his jacket…or 'cause of the cute curve of his nose or that black tuft of hair that falls on his forehead…but my heart’s pounding in my chest and I speak without thinking, coming out with the first thing I have in mind.
“So you fell in love with a human.”
Viago seems to get tense but nods quietly. He moves a few inches closer to me, slipping on the shiny wood of his coffin.
“If I might ask, does your heart belong to anyone or…?” he asks me gently with a barely trembling voice, fearing he’d crossed the line.
I smile embarrassed, looking down to my feet and feeling my cheeks coloring a bit.
“Well…”
When I look up again for a moment I’m out of breath. His big dark eyes look at me curious and waiting for my words, tenderly and patiently. For a while I lose myself admiring their special cut that so many times have caught my attention, so sweet inside mine.
“…it’s a hard question to answer.”
What a liar.
Viago, as if he had read something inside my eyes, smiles shyly and then lowers his in turn. Without even realizing it I moved my hand just a few millimetres to his, touching his fingers with the tip of mine. He looks over my hand without saying a word, only by gently reaching out even more and leaning his slender fingers on mine. A shiver runs through my body from head to toe, I slightly open my lips in search of the oxygen that seems to be missing when I realize that for a second I just forgot to breathe. Time seems to stand still and it’s like everything’s in slow motion while the tip of his fingers begin to softly touch my burning skin, hesitant and soft as velvet.
“So…” but his sentence is abruptly interrupted by the door of the room opening wide, making Vladislav appear on the threshold without any warning.
“Hey, what are…”
He remains motionless, staring at us as Viago withdraws his hand in a shutter and I quickly do the same, nonchalant.
“Vlad…! Back so soon?”
His gaze get tougher and he keep looking at us, frowning and trying to figure out what was going on.
“Yes.” His voice is firm, deep, authoritative. “Viago, can I talk to you for a minute?”
I stand still while Vladislav’s eyes judge me by the edge of that door, I can feel them, they’re yelling at me as if I were the little girl who deserves to be grounded.
“I better get back to my room now. Thanks for the company, Viago.” and without looking back I walk out of his room, barely touching with my shoulder the massive body of Vlad, motionless as a rock. When I reach my room I close the door behind me, sitting on the bed and thinking that it’s better not to be around during their discussions, whatever they are.
I lie down and hug the pillow, with the look lost outside the window that gives me the view of a beautiful full moon, bright and lonely just like me.
Can love, which makes you feel so alive, make you even more wish to join someone in death?
It wasn’t easy getting used to being here. I remember not having slept at all the first night, with my eyes wide open and listening to every sound, every step, every whisper. The walls seemed to be made of paper and full of eyes pointed at me. I found myself locked in this damp, moldy room with marsh green walls, wondering if I should find a way to escape or just stay to see what would happen, if my life would really change someway. If it really would’ve stopped, I’d say.
Jesus, boredom can make really stupid choices for you. But despite my hopes I’m still here in all my humanity, with warm blood and a beating heart, waiting for something that’s probably never gonna happen. Obviously Vladislav has not kept his promise yet, claiming that I’m not ready to become one of them…but the truth is he loves keeping me on a leash and having a free maid, fomenting my desire day after day. Making me covet it, showing me and telling me the beauty and the ugliness of eternal life. I do their laundry, iron their clothes, I dust, do their dishes and get them food every night. Having a human do all these things for you is less suspicious and makes everything seem less murky to people. A nice convenience, isn’t it? I don’t like to think they’re taking advantage of me but…that’s exactly what it is. So why am I still here, quietly accepting all this, waiting for someone to think I’m worthy enough to finally become part of a new world? The answer is that they’re the closest thing to a family I’ve ever had. I like being with them. As the days passed they learned to accept my human presence and I got to know them better, spending some time together and studying each other a bit. I taught them the wonders of technology, showing how to use the laptop to watch videos, send emails…and in return they told me many interesting anecdotes about their lives that are hundreds in one, with so many things to share and tell. Deacon once told me about when he was almost killed after World War II, captured as a Nazi vampire and sentenced to death by firing squad. The way he managed to get away with it was very improbable, typical of a guy like him. Vladislav instead told me that once, but many years ago, he had extraordinary powers and was able to hypnotize masses of people at a time, creating armies and shaping their minds. He also taught me the importance of choosing the right chains while showing me his torture chamber. He’s very proud of it. With Viago I spent some pleasant time listening to him playing his lute, over time he collected many books of poetry and has a real passion for the processing of clay: at his wheel he enjoys creating small jars and bowls, even if they do not come very well but a little crooked. With Petyr, well…I didn’t spend much time with Petyr. He’s not very talkative and I have to say that he creeps me out. But even though he doesn’t look upon favorably to the presence of a human in his house, I appreciate his effort not to suck all the blood out of my body before leaving me rot in the basement.
They’re good guys despite their killer instincts.
The bed I sleep on is…well, at least is a real bed. Small but comfortable enough, surely better than a coffin. I didn’t ask myself too many questions about cleanliness of the sheets and the mattress: I think there are things that are better not to know. How many hundred years has been here? Who knows where it came from, who slept on it, who died on it? I’d find bloodstains raising the sheet? Probably. But I’m aware that I’m not a five-star hotel guest, so…I think I should just be okay with it. My room is right above Viago’s and at six o'clock at night I always hear his alarm clock ring, waking me up. Although I’m quite used to sleeping during the day I struggled a lot to adapt to their pace of life, completely distorting the normal way has led me to have strong headaches and a bit of fatigue…but I’m getting used to this, too.
During the day here life stops. Literally. The daylight doesn’t filter through the thick curtains that cover all the windows of the house and it always seems late at night. At first my body rebelled against this change but in the end I found myself forced to accept it: what would be the point of staying awake during the day? There’s no one to talk to, there’s no one at all, actually. I don’t have any friends in town and a job anymore, but as preposterous as it is these four vampires are now all I have.
“What are you guys doing?” I ask going down the stairs, looking at the many drawings scattered on the floor depicting themselves sketched by some colored pencils.
“Tonight we’re going out into Wellington central and we want to look good”
Vladislav’s voice sounds excited as he’s putting on a vest of a beautiful purple fabric.
“Oh, really?” I ask by picking up one of the drawings from the floor, portraying Deacon with a straw hat and a fur coat “…and what are these?”
“One of the unfortunate things about not having a reflection is that you don’t know exactly what you look like” says Viago, buttoning his white shirt.
“Well, this is very…creative.”
“We want to attract some victims, you know…possibly some girls” Vladislav turns to me with a small smug smile and following those words of his I suddenly remember one night of the last week. It must have been two, three in the morning. I was walking down the hall when I heard a flirtatious female laugh coming from one of the rooms, caughting my attention. The door was half open and so I peeked in, being very careful not to be seen from the inside. I immediately saw a girl with long brown hair sitting on the couch, she had a glass of red wine in her hand and a pair of colourful red cheeks. Next to her there was a beautiful red rose standing in a crystal vase and some classical music playing in the background, the lights were dim in a very romantic atmosphere and she laughed, seemed relaxed, happy to be there in that moment. Then I saw two hands leaning gently on her naked shoulders, starting to move slowly on her rosy skin while she closed her eyes with a satisfied smile. I immediately recognized those hands, Viago’s, from the ring on his left index finger. I knew it was him even before I saw his face leaning over and whispering something in her ear, making her shyly laugh a bit. While his fingers moved her hair to one side, touching and exposing her neck, I felt terribly uncomfortable. Suddenly felt like I was spying on two lovers about to make love and at the same time on the lion tear the gazelle to pieces. I felt something in my stomach, don’t know if it was the fear of being caught or watching his hands touching her skin…all I know is I went back upstairs without wanting to know what would happen, pretending it wasn’t happening at all.
A few hours later, in that same room, there was nothing but a pool of blood.
“I brought towels and papers, it was an accident! I hit the main artery and didn’t know how to stop it” I heard Viago justify himself to Vladislav and Deacon the night after.
That night something inside me changed.
But I didn’t know what it was yet.
“So you want me to help you with your clothes?”
“Exactly, look” says Deacon putting on a leather jacket, “…how about this?”
I look at him from head to toe, twisting my nose a little.
“Mh…I like the jacket but I’d change the pants. That orange is really too much”
“And Y/N, I can’t decide if I should wear this shirt. I thought I’d match it to this blue jacket but…”
I look at Viago, at his white shirt with a nice jabot and at his blue velvet jacket he’s fixing on to look his best and I instinctively smile.
“You look good!”
His satisfied smile makes me feel kinda happy.
“We want to reach the look I called ‘dead but delicious’ ” Vlad says putting the top hat on his head “we’re gonna have some fun tonight!”
Vlad turns to me as I continue to smile seeing their enthusiasm for this night in town.
“Do you want to come with us?”
He took me by surprise.
“I’d love to. Just give me time to put on something nice.”
* * *
The sun’s gonna come up in a couple of hours and we’re walking home down a little road through a park. I’m not drunk but high enough to finally feeling lighthead and carefree after this fun and enjoyable night. I must admit I had some great time watching their attempts to seduce the young girls of Wellington on that dancefloor.
“She smelled so good!”
“Well, if you hadn’t tried to bite her while she was going to the bathroom, maybe…”
“Guys, shh.” suddenly says Deacon, blocking and spreading his arms to stop us too. “I can smell werewolves.”
We see in the distance a small group of guys coming in our direction, illuminated by the light of the lampposts above our heads. The moon is high in the sky and peeps from behind some passing cloud, making us the kindness of not being full but just a small wedge.
“Shit…the last thing I wanted tonight was to smell the stink of these fleabag dogs…make sure you don’t catch fleas, guys!”
“Keep walking, keep walking…” says Vladislav in his teeth, he knows perfectly well that Deacon’s temperament could get us in a bind.
“Oh, look what we have here! Vamps! What brought you out of your moldy graves?”
They get close to us and Deacon’s bold walk takes us to them.
“Why don’t you go back to your holes and smell your own crotches?”
“This is our turf, you stupid bloodsucker. And…oh, are you bringing home breakfast?” says this guy pointing his eyes at me before bursts to laugh with his friends.
“We don’t want any trouble” Vladislav tries to keep calm between the two sides, starting to get the feeling that this might take a turn for the worse.
“You’d have more fun with us, honey” he keeps saying to me “With these three leeches by tomorrow morning you’ll be cold as a popsicle”
Viago, who is beside me, without the slightest expression takes off one of his gloves and slaps him in the face with it before wearing it again. The usual way to challenge someone to a duel, very popular around…1700s, I think.
“What the…what was that?”
“Look, I got a ball!” says Deacon mimicking the gesture of throwing it away “Take it! Come on, Lessie! Good boy!”
The tension is really high and two of them start to lose control, grunting and roaring as their friends try to calm them down to prevent them from turning. It’s as if they were assailed by frenzy and instinct and we don’t know what could happen, their roars are getting louder and louder as their bodies tremble. My heart beats fast as Viago unexpectedly takes my hand, making me approach and hide behind him. His body acts as a barrier between me and them and for a second I forget what’s happening, tightening his cold hand.
“C'mon guys, do the breathing, do the breathing! Stay human, c'mon”
With a great self-control the three licans manage to calm down, avoiding to transform and to turn this beautiful night in a bloodbath as the three vampires stand still. I can feel the tension, they’re ready for a fight in case things go down.
“We have no quarrel, fellas. We don’t want any trouble, we’re going now” says the leader of the pack, slowly starting to move back.
Viago continues to hold my hand, hissing and back slightly.
“Yes, leave!” Deacon goes on with his bluster tone, watching them go away in the darkness accelerating pace and without looking back.
“Shit, that was close…”
“Are you ok, Y/N?” Viago asks me leaving my hand and walking by my side. I nod.
“Better get home now.” says Vladislav making sure they got away, fixing the hat on his head. As I walk silently behind them my mind keeps coming back to a few moments ago. To Viago’s hand grabbing mine. I can’t tell if the thrill I felt was due to his cold skin or…
“Y/N, hurry up!”
Deacon’s voice brings me back to reality, lost in my thoughts I didn’t even realize I was left behind. I pick up the pace reaching them, looking at the silver moon above us and just thinking that tonight was really a great night.
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