Seriously if you need fanfiction to teach you what healthy and normal relationships are like, you don’t need fanfiction you need resources geared towards teaching you what healthy and non-abusive relationships are like.
Please go to scarleteen. Please watch MamaDoctorJones’ episode about consent. Please go to people who are actively, explicitly, and specifically trying to teach you about healthy relationships and consent, and crucially, people who have the qualifications to teach you these topics. A fanfic writer might be: secretly a thirteen year old, someone who’s just gotten out of or is still in an abusive relationship and has internalized hurtful messages about relationships because of their abuse, someone who’s bad at writing, someone from an abstinence-only sex education background, someone who has no relationship experience, someone who has different boundaries around sex than their reader, or someone who assumes their readers are all adults who understand what abuse is and the fact that it’s bad and you shouldn’t do it in real life. None of these hypothetical writers deserve to be banned from writing. None of these hypothetical writers deserve to receive abuse for what they’ve written. None of these hypothetical writers should be taken as educational resources about important topics like consent, sexuality, sexual health, or sex education.
There ARE resources out there that are created with the express aim of teaching people, especially young people, what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like. For the most part, though, random fanfiction writers aren’t those people, and that’s okay! They shouldn’t have to be. Fanfiction is entertainment, and it doesn’t have to beat the reader over the head with a moralistic message. Fanfiction writers assume, and should be able to assume, that their readers understand the purpose of fiction and aren’t using fiction as a replacement for actual educational material about sexual health and domestic violence.
In fact, it’s actually fucked up and mega super dangerous to actual real people, particularly children, to act like fanfiction is a replacement for education about domestic violence and sexual abuse. Real sexual health and domestic violence support groups and organizations spend lots of time and money trying to get the public educated about consent and healthy relationships, and we should listen to those people instead of acting like consent is a topic that should or can be learned from osmosis through reading fanfiction or watching media.
Especially considering, you know, how much our culture plays fast and loose with the concept of consent, blames victims of abuse, and generally portrays myths around sex, abuse, and relationships.
Normalize regularly reading and rereading nonfiction guides to healthy relationships. Normalize regularly practicing nonsexual consent, checking in with people if they seem uncomfortable or before starting a conversation about heavy topics, taking “no” for an answer, respecting boundaries (yours and other peoples’) without demanding in-depth explanations of why they exist, making others feel safe setting boundaries around you, etc. Normalize reading multiple sources, examining sources, and asking yourself “Who wrote this? Why did they write it? What credibility do they have? Should I listen to them?” instead of just taking absolutely everything you read at face value.
Fanfiction can’t and shouldn’t be used as an exclusive resource to teach you the things the above sites can teach you.
It would be cool if people realized that and stopped expecting random fanfic writers to start every fictional work they write with the express purpose of teaching their audience how sex and relationships are supposed to work. Instead of abusing fanfic writers who explore taboo topics, read and share resources that can actually help people learn about consent and healthy relationships. Because as someone who used to exclusively read fluff, a lot of fluffy fic writers don’t know SHIT about consent and teaching kids and teens that they should look to random strangers as examples of healthy relationships is fucked up.
Omg somebody f***ing put it into words!!
Thank you!! Fanfiction is not a substitute for relationship, abuse, sex and consent education!!
There are actual professional people who are trained to teach this sh*t. Don’t rely on fiction!!
baby boomers when they hear you say “child abuse” and they’re waiting to talk about how their parents used to beat them unconscious when they were five and that’s a good thing somehow
implying boomers wait and don’t just interrupt
Not a boomer. Theres nothing wrong with corporal punishment.
You would say that, tumblr user bondage king twelve
What does their name have anything to do with it? You offer no logical reason for them to be wrong, and clearly you dont understand what bondage is, and likely dont know anything about their preferences.
Try offering a logical reason that their statement is wrong.
Whatever you say tumblr user guns and cuffs twelve
the issue isn’t that some people think abuse is good but that many people don’t recognize abuse at all
It would help if we had more practical conversations about what constitutes abuse from an early age. It would also be fuckin super if it weren’t romanticized by the media
I mean, true. But most media that romanticizes abuse is able to do so because it doesn’t call it abuse, so I think a wider understanding of what abuse is - and, hell, why it sometimes makes a good story while still being a bad thing - would be really helpful.
For both Pride and my birth month I’d really like to be fully independent from my abuser because I still have to drive weekly to wash my clothes at her house because my apartment does not have laundry services, and the local laundromat near my apartment only has so many machines that work so they’re always occupied anyway. I found a portable washer on amazon for under 200 dollars that includes both a washing part, and a spinner part to wring water out so I can hang them to dry. (Because no other family member will help me because of my abuser’s influence, and also because I really don’t want to have to rely on anyone else anyway weekly to wash clothes - the washer will solve all these problems).
I already have some lovely people helping me with food, and we found a local food pantry that will hand me a bag once a month so I am okay on food right now so I am now focusing on the other issue that has also tied me to my abuser. I am not expecting anyone to buy the washer itself as it is almost 200 dollars (with prime giving a discount right now for 185), but I am listing it so that I can show what I’m planning on getting along with a steamer and hanging rack. If you have anything to spare towards the goal to get me a washer that would be so wonderful, and I have mutuals who have previously offered to give back for those who help me since I cannot financially provide anything back, and I haven’t drawn for so long I really don’t want to try offering art when I am super rusty and too depressed to draw right now anyway.
I am really striving to become independent from my abuser, and this would save me a lot of gas money and emotional distress to not have to deal with her anymore. Anything helps! If you are not able to donate and want to help still in some way please reblog this! It will help me tremendously just to have it seen by others!
This is a remake of my old post because it keeps stagnating. I became homeless again and had to move in with my aunt. My mom, who abused me, is around almost every single day. She is angry I went no contact with her and she’s been antagonizing me, which is exhausting and triggering. I’m sleeping poorly and I constantly feel on edge. I haven’t felt this unsafe or unhappy in years. Despite having a college degree, I’m having a hard time finding work in my rural hometown. Most of of the better paying jobs are in cities farther away. My aunt doesn’t have wifi and I can’t afford to pay for it, so working remotely isn’t an option right now. I really need help saving money for a reliable used car to find better paying work and get some time away from my abuser. It would give me some temporary relief and empower me to save money for a move. The target (calculated from the difference of my past donations and my new goal) is $7565 because I am in a lot of debt and I don’t think I can handle another bill right now. I want to own the car that I buy. My sister will put me on her car insurance and help me with taxes/gas. Please, I am really desperate. Anything helps. If I can find a car for less than my goal I will get it. I feel trapped.
I’m also moominhandsoncshapp/vnmo and I have a Ko-FiandCoffee account (I’ve been hoping people will tip me for this post.) I’ve made about $830/7565 as of 29 April 2022.
