lady-of-the-spirit:

Wanting to help abused men does not mean wanting to help abused women less.

mockingmolly:

mentallystill:

mayflowers07:

humunanunga:

fags4cowboys:

We also need to tell queer teens shit. Here’s a list. I’m tired

-you don’t need to lose ur virginity at whatever age

-you don’t need to date the only other queer kid in ur school

-queer people can b problematic. And abusive.

- people who are queer in one way can still be queerphobic in another way (ex: wlw TERFs)

- it’s not cishets’ place to decide the right way to express your queerness

- it’s especially no one’s place to decide what’s too masculine or feminine for you

- gender presentation does not equal gender identity. You can look however you want even if it doesn’t “match” your gender

- there will always be an asshole gatekeeping and telling you you’re not queer enough. They are an asshole and should be ignored

- pedophiles still exist in the queer community

- the only person who decides when/if you come out to your friends and family is you

- people can be queer and still be queerphobic in THAT way. You internalize shit and that’s gotta be worked on.

- “Phases” are absolutely ok and are actually a natural part of exploring your identity. Don’t feel ashamed for changing and growing as you discover yourself, and don’t shame others for it either. 

- There’s nothing wrong with ID’ing as Ace or Aro as a teen. The possibility of you being a “late bloomer” doesn’t invalidate how you feel right now, and please don’t feel like you need to push yourself outside of your comfort zone just to fit in or earn others’ approval.

- There’s no shame in staying in the closet if the closet is keeping you safe. 

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but please, please,pleasedo not use the term “gaslighting” in political debates or discussion. It doesn’t belong there, and using it in that context is doing real harm to abuse survivors. 

Gaslighting is when an abuser attempts to make their victim question their own sense of reality through denial or fabrication. A parent telling their child, “No, I never sat you down and yelled at you for an hour because you didn’t take out the trash. Why would you even accuse me of something like that?” That’s gaslighting. One partner using emotional manipulation and vague claims to convince another that having a single beer after dinner is evidence of a drinking problem? That’s gaslighting. Someone countering your political opinions? A politician saying something you disagree with? Not gaslighting. 

I get that things are contentious right now. I understand a lot of people are angry about a lot of things. But the word “gaslighting” is important to abuse survivors. It’s a powerful term, and the only one that adequately describes the mental agony of having someone try and rewrite your reality, of having them attack your own sense of self to try and make you depend on them to define what you remember and what you don’t, of wondering if the horrible things you remember even happened. When you take the word “gaslighting” and fling it around your political arguments, you cheapen it. You water it down. You turn it into just another buzzword used to shut people down on Twitter, to win a debate that is utterly meaningless by any estimation. (Hate to break it to you, but it’s true. Social media debates don’t change anyone’s mind and, according to most counts, have only ever succeeded in making everyone angry.) 

When survivors, still in that fragile questioning phase where they don’t know if they deserve to use the word abusejust yet, see gaslighting used so casually, they’ll assume that what happened to them was no more horrific than one person disagreeing with another on social media. What’s worse, their abusers can now accuse them of gaslighting for something as simple as challenging their false version of events. 

I won’t be hearing arguments on this. No “but it IS gaslighting because….” No “but when my parents argue with me, it feels like gaslighting.” Your feelings do not define a word. That word does not belong to you. Leave it alone. 

gruntledbananafish:

thundergrace:

Will Smith Barred From Attending Any Academy Events for 10 Years

Welp, so much for the prediction that he and Chris could host within a few years as the ultimate Oscars gimmick.

Two genuine apologies and he resigned from the academy. But it’s just not enough for these people.

All his projects are on hold. Deals are on hold. Now he can’t attend the Oscars for ten years.

I’ve never witnessed anyone in Hollywood actually be punished by Hollywood until now.

Just so we’re clear: Jim Carey forcibly kissed a teenage Alicia Silverstone without her consent at an awards show. Was not punished. Adrien Brody forcibly kissed Halle Berry at an award show without her consent. Also was not punished. John Wayne had to be physically held back from attacking Sacheen Littlefeather at the Oscars. Was not punished. Roman Polanski was given an Oscar in abstention because if he came to collect the award in person, he would have been arrested due to his conviction for statutory rape. Was not removed from the academy until 2018. Casey Affleck was given an Oscar shortly after he was accused to sexual harassment. Woody Allen has been nominated and awarded several times by the academy despite allegations of molestation being public since the 1990s.

@ boys who have lived through abuse and/or csa:

You are not dirty, broken, or at fault. You are not the abuse you endured.

Abuse doesn’t make you broken. You are not unworthy of love because of how you were treated in the past. It was not your fault then and it’s not your fault now. You are deserving of respect.

helperhoopoe:

hey everyone! i know it’s been a while, but i need some help for a friend of mine to get out of an abusive home until my country’s borders open back up and they can immigrate to live with me.

ifanyone in the uk, especially near plymouth, is able to accept a roommate, please IM me on @everyone-needs-a-hoopoe.

if you don’t know anyone who can help, please spread this around. we’re exhausting our options and getting desperate.

thanks so much.

thanks to everyone who signal boosted! we’ve found something that works, so no need to spread this any more.

hey everyone! i know it’s been a while, but i need some help for a friend of mine to get out of an abusive home until my country’s borders open back up and they can immigrate to live with me.

ifanyone in the uk, especially near plymouth, is able to accept a roommate, please IM me on @everyone-needs-a-hoopoe.

if you don’t know anyone who can help, please spread this around. we’re exhausting our options and getting desperate.

thanks so much.

thatfreyja:

counsellorsuggestion:

rottentrauma:

counsellorsuggestion:

stop insulting yourself. it doesn’t help.

But what if it’s true

it still doesn’t help. you can call yourself as many names as you want, but it won’t make you a better, happier, healthier or kinder person.

punishment doesn’t work. only positive reinforcement does. be kind to yourself and get better.

but when i do that someone comes and tears me down and makes me feel like i never should have told myself that in the first place. and i dont want to keep telling myself lies, cause it never got me anywhere those times i tried it before

that’s terrible. i’m so sorry the people around you have been so cruel to you. you didn’t deserve to be convinced that basic decency to yourself is a lie.

i promise: no matter what those people say, belittling yourself isn’t any better for you. be kind to yourself because someone needs to; you don’t need to add to their cruelty.

dolls-revenge:

Crazy this even needs to be said but with the recent upsurge of BPD demonisation fuelled by the Depp v Heard case and that dumbass twitter furry artist i have to say:

This is a safe space for people with BPD, i have BPD myself this will always bea safe space and our experiences. We arenot inherently abusive.

btw if you crack jokes and memes ab the depp vs heard trial you are telling domestic abuse victims who follow you that their trauma is a joke to you

team-mom-wannabe:

Prince Bolkonsky is honestly such a funny antagonist in how hard it is to explain how his assholery manifests… Like “in his scene of most heinous and abusive behavior this despicable man expresses the belief women can learn maths too and should choose their husbands independently” “the callous bitch really ruins everyone’s life with his stance that his 30 year old son shouldn’t marry a teenage girl”

well… he emotionally abuses marya, constantly calls her stupid and ugly and belittles her, so if you’re wondering about how his assholery manifests, there ya go!

Little reminder I still feel incredibly bad for Mizuchi. That’s all.

Sometimes I Wonder..

Sometimes I wonder,
if you ever feel remorse
or understand the gravity
of the pain your actions caused.

I don’t think you do
or you wouldn’t continue,
to put me through the daily abuse.

Sometimes I wonder,
if you could go back
would you do it all over again?
If you knew now what you didn’t back then?

justacetmblrthings:

triggered by gay pda only and specifically?? so brave

triggered by black people literally just existing?? don’t let anyone tell you you aren’t valid

I can’t believe a white person is trying to call me out for racism because I misunderstood something and tried to defend people who are triggered by people resembling their abusers

i was gonna write and post a long wall of text about the situation but honestly I dont have that kind of energy to deal w it anymore and it’s just tiring. I’ll just say that the shit with Depp V Heard is fucked and i’m glad that we’re able to get more clarity on the situation since these things matter, but I explicitly support people with PDs such as ASPD, BP, NPD, and HPD and it disappoints me that once again completely unrelated innocent people are going to continue to get thrown under the bus because neurotypicals cannot comprehend why or how someone would hurt and abuse someone else unless it had to do with a “scary” mental illness.

The thing about the Nightcloud/Crowfeather/Breezepelt dynamic is that all of it is told from other characters’ perspectives, which means we really can’t get an accurate read on each characters’ true emotions.

Which is really a shame because the whole thing really IS difficult to interpret.

But let’s try to analyze the scenes that we do get and try to come to a reasonable conclusion, shall we?

Breezepelt Thinks: That Crowfeather hates him.

This idea is backed up in universe by:

• The three repeatedly noting that Crowfeather seems to dislike him - These scenes are in the book to serve as an ironic foreshadowing to Crowfeather being their father, and while they do show that he’s an /emotionally unavailable/ father, the worst thing he does in these scenes is scold Breezepelt when he misbehaves and not compliment his catch. That is hardly abusive.
• The Dark Forest Cats literally lying to actively Manipulate Breezepelt, and then Breezepelt parroting back the words that they fed him - These scenes are unreliable because these are DARK FOREST CATS and they are LYING and Breezepelt is BUYING THE LIE. These things didn’t HAPPEN, and Brokenstar of all cats should NOT be the paragon by which we judge anyone’s parenting skills.
• And a collection of other scenes where Breezepelt is scolded for misbehaving by Crowfeather - Which are in the book to establish Breezepelt as a Problem. Also, scolding your child does not mean you hate them or that you are abusive

Nightcloud Thinks: That Crowfeather doesn’t love either of them

• It is, explicitly, true that Crowfeather doesn’t love her. There’s no arguments there. And while that sucks, and Crowfeather is in the wrong for taking her as a mate, he also doesn’t owe it to her to love her. You can’t owe romantic feelings to anyone.
• But there’s really nothing to back up the idea that Crowfeather doesn’t love Breezepelt in Nightcloud’s eyes. The only scene I can think of is one where Breeze(paw) runs around to check the borders, and when he gets back Crowfeather double checks to make sure he checked the entire perimeter, at which point Nightcloud severely overreacts and accuses him of not trusting Breeze(paw). To my eyes this speaks more to Nightcloud’s extreme protectiveness than to Crowfeather’s abuse - literally all he did was double check that his son completed a task at a time of great importance.

Crowfeather Things: That Nightcloud is overprotective and that she is encouraging his son to hate him

This idea is backed up in universe by:

• Several scenes of Nightcloud separating him from Breezepelt - Including the aforementioned border checking, and the Daylight Gathering incident, where he actively tries to help carry and tend to his injured son, and is not allowed to do so by Nightcloud. This scene serves no other purpose than to show Crowfeather’s care for his son and Nightcloud’s refusal to let him.
• Nightcloud’s repeatedly demonstrated jealousy for Leafpool which - while justified on paper - literally leads to her clawing and Crowfeather and yelling at him in front of clanmates the moment he so much as glances as her. ~Which actually IS abuse~ ! Physical and Emotional ! And while these scenes are there to show that Leafpool and Crowfeather are still in love (which is awful for Nightcloud but does NOT justify her being abusive in turn), Nightcloud’s reaction is only there to show her character.

Breezepelt’s view is manipulated by the Dark Forest Cats.

Nightcloud’s view is clouded by her jealousy, which (again, justified on paper) leads her to literally abusing Crowfeather.

Crowfeather’s view is the only one which is backed up by scenes not serving an alternate purpose and is not clouded by an external motivation.

So the dynamic is:

• Breezepelt hates his dad because his mother didn’t let them bond, because he scolds him when he misbehaves, and because literal cats from hell told him to
• Nightcloud hates Crowfeather because he doesn’t love her (fair), so she resolves to set Breezepelt against him and physically and emotionally abuse him (unfair)
• Crowfeather doesn’t love Nightcloud (which sucks), but he does at least try to be a parent to Breezepelt (he isn’t especially good at it) only to have every attempt thwarted by either Nightcloud or Breezepelt, only for the latter to turn around and tell him he was never trying because of the hell cats mentioned above

There is really no reason for us to believe that Crowfeather was abusive and didn’t love his son. What he /was/ is strict and snappy - which is and has always been his personality. What he /was/ is emotionally distant - which is awful, sure, but it isn’t abuse. He wasn’t a good father, but there’s nothing to suggest that he was an abusive father either.

What we can believe is that Breezepelt’s hatred of Crowfeather wasn’t justified (HIS IDEAS CAME FROM CAT HELL) and that Nightcloud was overprotective of Breezepelt and abusive towards Crowfeather.

Simple as.

iceicefetus:

infjwriter:

underachieved-witch:

2srooky:

thegoodlion:

soulsoaker:

turing-tested:

hey so protip if you have abusive parents and need to get around the house as quietly as possible, stay close to furniture and other heavy stuff because the floor is settled there and it’s less likely to creak

• socks are quieter than bare feet on tile/wood and for the love of god don’t wear slippers/shoes if you can help it
  
• climbing ON the furniture will disrupt the pattern of your footsteps and make it harder to hear where you are in the house
• crawling will do the same and if you get caught crawling you can pretend you fell 
• the floor near the wall can be really loud if the floorboards/carpet is old and not completely flush to the wall
• do NOT attempt to use a rolling chair to travel without footsteps. they are extremely loud and hard to steer

Also. Breath with your mouth and not your nose. Your nose will whistle. Trust me.
If you need to get into your fridge, jab your finger into the rubber part that seals the door closed and create a tiny airway. This will prevent the suction noise when you open the door.
When drinking liquids (juice mostly), pour out your glass (or chug from the jug) and replace what you drank with water. If it was full enough in the beginning, no one will notice. DO NOT STEAL ALCOHOL. THEY WILL NOTICE IF IT’S WATERED DOWN.
Bring a pillowcase for dried foods like cereal and granola. It helps to muffle the sound it makes when it pours.

If your house has snack packs (like gummy bears or crackers or chips), count them every day until you know the rhythm that they get consumed. (This took me a week and a half with my twin brother and sister). Then join the rhythm when you make your nightly visits. It will be that much harder to figure out it was you.

KEEP A TRASH BAG UNDER YOUR BED FOR WRAPPERS AND STUFF BUT DONT FORGET TO THROW IT OUT WHENEVER YOU CAN. BUGS YKNOW.
Hope this helped.

I might have some useful info to add.

-a jar of peanut butter is long lasting and easy to hide under a bed or in a dresser drawer. I lived off of jars of peanut butter and boxes of saltine crackers I would buy on grocery trips with my mom.

-two words: Slipper Socks. These are the socks that have rubber designs on the bottom for grip. They make no noise, and also keep you steady on slicker surfaces like tile and wood. You can find them cheap at Walmart. They also keep your feet more protected if you’re outside.

-if you’re secure enough in your room to have a small food stash, make sure you’re not too obvious about it (duh) but also move its location every few days. I kept mine in a shoebox under my bed, then switched it to a backpack in my closet, then wedged between my bookshelf and wall, and I would cycle locations until i moved it permanently to a false-bottomed drawer I installed in my dresser when my father was gone for a weekend. I would NEVER put food directly into my stash after taking it. I would keep it in pockets of my clothes and between books until everyone went to sleep, then I’d stock and stow my stash for the next few days.

-get a water bottle with a filter in it. I used to be able to reach my bathroom from my bedroom door down the hall using a huge step or minor jump/leap. If I was afraid of being caught at night, I’d fill up the humidifier tank we kept under our sink while I took a short shower, and would refill my water that way. It might not be the best option, but I kept a small stockade of water under my bed for emergencies.

-if you can, smuggle your garbage out in your backpack or purse. Dispose of it at work/school. I got caught twice by carelessly throwing away packaging.

-if someone knows the situation you’re going through (close friend/partner/etc) see if there’s a way for them to get food or other supplies to you at school or work or what private time you may get. A hidden first aid kit literally saved parts of my body before and I owe it to a close friend.

-try learning the building’s natural rhythm. The house I grew up in would creak and settle heavily every night for 3-5 minutes. That was my shot, and I had to be QUICK. I still got caught a few times, but learning the patterns in our floors and walls, when they creaked, WHERE they creaked, kept me going. Eventually I was sprinting in slipper socks to the kitchen and back in less than 90 seconds.

-if you have stairs, or live upstairs. Sit as you go down them one at a time, or climb up them like an animal. It keeps you low/out of lots of motion sight, and also can reduce noise and creaking by distributing weight over more than 1-2 steps.

-You can use common hand sanitizer to remove the stains certain snack foods leave behind (coughs cheeto fingers) and a dry toothbrush can help scrub the color off your tongue. If you can get powdered toothpaste or toothpaste tabs to keep on hand, it makes a huge difference in sneakiness.

-I don’t recommend going for dried foods like granola or cereal unless you can sneak it to a secure place to get it. It’s too loud, it’s a gamble every time for something with less caloric intake than it’s worth if you get caught. Of course, there are times when that’s the only option!!

-if you’re taking milk, add water, but be SURE to shake/agitate the bottle to distribute the dairy fat with the water. I got into the habit of shaking milk jugs when I started sneaking it, and explained the habit as something I read in an old comic strip my father showed me. (Back when whole milk had a lot more cream fats and they’d separate, so shaking it would redistribute the cream.) I still shake milk jugs to this day.

-if your windows open or don’t have screens, eat leaning out an open window. Any food mess will be lost in the dirt. I was lucky I had bushes and birds outside that would catch my granola bar crumbs before anyone could notice.

-canned goods are tempting, but not worth it. It requires too many tools (can opener/strained sometimes/utensils/some need heat) stick to thinks like various nut butters (sunflower/peanut/almond), crackers, dried fruit, and easy to conceal food bars (nature valley/nutrigrain/etc.) dried ramen packets are good uncooked if you can stand the texture. Apple sauce and pudding cups are also easier to sneak and stash than one might think, and can be eaten with your fingers. The only canned foods I recommend are condensed soups and precooked pasta (spaghetti-o’s). You can easily mix them with a little bit of hot water from the tap and get something more sustaining than a handful of captain Crunch. The cans are cheap, sometimes recyclable, and drinking soup takes way less time than chewing solid food.

-if you menstruate, attempt to stash pads/tampons in a safe location. Sometimes shit happens. Pads can work as bandages in emergency situations. Sometimes shark week comes unexpectedly. If you can sneak a roll of toilet paper or paper towels, these are also life savers.

-plastic utensils from takeout containers can be hidden inside socks and will be worth their weight in gold when you least expect it. I bought myself a tiny plastic bowl from the dollar store and kept cheap trinkets in it on my desk so it didn’t seem like a bowl I was eating out of. You could try this with something like a mason jar, which is also useful for drinking out of or storing water.

-if you’re eating a crunchy or solid food, try soaking it in water. Mushy food can be repulsive in texture, but I could clock the sound of someone eating a nature valley oat bar from like 6 miles away. Dunking it in water (or using a secret bowl+water) can reduce noise, and also eating time since you don’t have to chew as much.

-keep a laundry bar or tide pen on you. Laundry bars are super useful, a little hard to find though. I washed a lot of stains out of my clothes with laundry bars in my bathroom sink as a kid. Not proud if it, but it kept me flying under the radar at school.

-clear rubber bands, plain twine or string, paper clips, and thumb tacks. Indescribably useful. I once rigged a system to open tricky cabinets and get objects from inside using two paper clips and a foot of plain string like a mock lasso system.

-if you’re pulling objects from tall cabinets, use your chest or stomach to cushion them. Let them fall into your torso and then into your hands cradled underneath. Not as loud, not as much grabbing, if someone sees it they can mistake it for it falling on you by the body language.

-get a bandana. Or four. Napkins, bandages, tool, and accessory all in one.

-get a tiny sewing kit. I’m talking 3 needles and a spool of thread tiny. Scissors if you can sneak it. See things into your clothes. Make hidden pockets or compartments. Threadbanger on YouTube did a video a few years ago about sneaking things into music festivals using tiny clothing mods, but they may be useful in sneaking money or medicine.

-on the topic of sneaking money. don’t take bills, take change. If your abusers don’t meticulously count their nickels and pennies, they’re an easy(ish) way to build up a tiny savings pool. I found nickels the least noticed coin I took, even more than pennies, and taking two every few nights from where they’d be tossed on our countertop soon built up to a semi-reliable fund I passed off to someone to get me food for my stash without having to sneak it from the kitchen. As soon as I became “independent” in my food storage, I was subjected to much less scrutiny. I managed to build up a solid 1-2 week ration supply after hoarding change.

-you can tape SD cards to the inside of book dust covers(the part that folds inside the actual cover of the book), if you have a sewing kit or zipper on it inside the stuffing of your pillow (trim a corner, stuff it inside, stitch it closed) or (this is final resort) VERY CAREFULLY remove the covering from your outlet and tape it to the wall stud before replacing the casing. I kept mine inside part of my wooden bed frame that I hollowed out using, you guessed it, take out silverware knives and 4 nights without sleep.

-THE FLOOR IS LAVA WAS KEY TRAINING FOR ME AS A CHILD. I learned to take pillows with me, climb on furniture to disrupt my flow of movement, toss a pillow down, and use that to cushion any rattle our living room could give off as I crept to the kitchen from the side entrance so my mom’s dog wouldn’t bark or alert anyone. I highly suggest crawling around on all fours like some sort of beast to stay out of sight.

-can you run your house blindfolded?? If you can’t. Maybe you should try to learn. I suffered some heavy eye traumas growing up and had a collective 3-4 months just IN THE DARK. Eyes bandaged, left alone. It was terrible, but damn if I couldn’t navigate the whole place silently, without any visual cues. This helps a lot with the whole moving around in the dark thing, too. Listening is obviously key.

-if your parents start getting suspicious, or you’re suspicious they’re getting suspicious, watch out for traps. String on the ground that gets shifted when you walk on it. Baby powder or flour left to track footprints or doors opening/closing. My dad was partial to wrapping a bungee cord around my doorknob and attaching it to the closet across the hallway. I wouldn’t be able to open my door enough to get out, or if I did, I risked ruining the structural integrity of the wrappings he did, and he would notice.

-learn to tie some knots. Strong ones. They’ll come in handy at one point or another.

-remember that you’re not totally alone. There’s people out there for you. Wanting to make everything better. You don’t deserve what’s happening, it isn’t normal, and you will eventually find help. But staying safe is important, and you are important.

It upsets me that people might need to know these but I know it could really help someone by reblogging

ALWAYS REBLOG

don’t like this, that won’t help spread it.

this once again makes me realise how insanely lucky i am to grow up in a loving environment… i wish nobody needed these but i hope they’re helping people

queen-breha-organa:

Okay I’m seeing a lot of bad takes and I just wanna make one thing clear-

Yes, I miss Rebecca Jackson Mendoza as Breha. I love her Breha and I love her.

But. I saw this recast coming.

A simple Google will tell you that Rebecca doesn’t act anymore. She was hardly acting when Revenge of the Sith came out.

She had a stroke in 1999 after she was assaulted by her partner and she’s been very very closed off since. She’s done stage roles but nothing major. That’s her choice.

She doesn’t owe anyone a Star Wars role.

There is no reason to claim that Simone Kessell “stole” the role from Rebecca. There is no reason to hate on Simone for playing Breha.

Don’t joke about how Rebecca went “missing” and Lucasfilm couldn’t find her so they just replaced her. Don’t joke about how Simone isn’t as good or how Rebecca got replaced.

Rebecca doesn’t owe anyone her personal time or acting roles.

Simone Kessell did a phenomenal job and I’m sure she’ll be incredible as this role progresses.

Stop being insensitive.

blackromcomgf-deactivated202111:

ok im kind of a sm*ll account and itd be a miracle if anyone sees this, but im a black bi woman who ran away from a physically abusive home situation last summer, and ive been living in various temporary accomodations since then. ive been working on and off while studying this year, as the majority of my focus has been on getting good enough grades to transfer to a better school (long story but the abuse is the reason i didn’t get into a good school in the first place.) so i havent worked this year as regularly as i did throughout my teenage years, supporting myself constantly because abusive parents don’t believe in providing for sixteen year olds lol.

now that i have managed to get into a better school, my focus has shifted to finding permanent housing where i feel safe and i can start to settle and move on with my life. ive found a place with a bw roommate but i don’t have the funds for a deposit and first months rent, its £1900 in total. ive been working on it in other ways, like selling things and doing odd jobs, but now i have a week left and i thought it couldnt hurt to also drop my info here.

if anyone could help youd be literally saving my life, even just a reblog would help. and i can provide proof of my situation, if youd like to inbox me. in advance thankyouuu

paypal: [email protected]

cashapp: £smensah93