OCD has you doing the weirdest things. I have this contamination obsession with certain words. There are certain ordinary, everyday words that are Bad and Unclean and I cannot say, write, or even think them. One of those words is a synonym for scent, so my friend was asking me what my favorite scent was but she used the Unclean word. I wasn’t confident that I could dance my way around the word while still keeping the conversation going so I just… lied to her and said my nose didn’t work properly. I had to live in this lie for a while where I had to keep pretending that I didn’t have that sense. It came up more often than you’d think. Just a really weird thing to do, like what even was that? And I still have that obsession so I’m more than willing to do that again if necessary.

Can I ask someone who’s been to residential a question?

I’m being admitted to residential tommorow morning and I want to know more about the admission process, what’s it like? Is there a strip search? How closely do they check your bags?

Hi, my name is still OCD 

If anyone knows any wholesome OCD jokes or memes send them my way and I’ll make a queue. 

ocd makes shit like having an internship or a job such a nightmare. im making sure to be professional, nice, engaged, etc, and my brain is just like “imagine.. imagine if you just fucking threw a rock at this person. imagine if they had a heart attack and died. imagine if you said this absolutely horrible insult.” and.. bruh

hello!!@igoteyelinerinmyeye is doing a documentary project to educate people on OCD, and they need people from california/los angeles with OCD who are willing to be interviewed or to send in a video of them showing what their life is like with OCD. it can be done anonymously too.

other notes from them:

Must either have/had OCD or know/known someone with OCD.

In person interviews (ONLY IF YOU ARE IN LOS ANGELES OR ANYWHERE ELSE IN CALIFORNIA).

Other ways you can share your experience without being personally interviewed because you can’t or don’t want to:

•submitting a voice recording sharing your experience

•writing down your experience

If you are comfortable with showing your identity but can’t be interviewed for whatever reason like location, disability, etc. You can submit a recording of yourself sharing what your experience with having or knowing someone with OCD has been like.

THE PURPOSE OF THESE INTERVIEWS IS TO BETTER EDUCATE THE PUBLIC OF WHAT OCD IS REALLY LIKE.

contact them if you would like to do this!

my therapist: you have disorders:

me: disorder? i barely know her! by “her” i mean me. who is she? i don’t really know myself haha! i know that was a weird segue but there is an inextricable bond between my mental illnesses and my struggle to form and understand my identity. how much of my identity is informed by my mental illnesses? is it healthy to use my astrological chart as a way to keep track of my character traits because i have trouble actually identifying things about myself? how much of the way my mental illnesses work against me is a result of societal influence? have you read the communist manifesto by chance?

my therapist:

Date a cluster c who is constantly bored

Date a cluster c who has PCOS

Date a cluster c who has low self esteem

Date a cluster c who wears leggings as real pants

Date a cluster c who has curly hair

Date a cluster c who has low to no executive function

how to not feel like you have to prove yourself over every little thing you say 

I don’t flinch anymore and panic when I have horrible thoughts about harming myself and drinking blood and on one hand that’s great but on the other hand i can’t feel anything???? ever???????? if this doesn’t bother me enough than doesn’t that make me a bad person??????????

How to stop obsessing over your best friend from 4 years ago and to stop crying while looking at every drawing he ever made for you wishing so badly you never had that falling out

how to stop counting the number of times your textbook says “the” on one page and being incredibly uncomfortable if it’s not an even number

Is this thing actually dirty or am I just calming my obsession

how to convince myself that I am not responsible for every Terrible Thing™ that happens around me and therefore do not need to punish myself for it

how to stop my tics being comorbid with my ocd so not only do I have to tense or twitch certain muscles but I have to do it until it feels right/a certain number of times

how to think about what someone is truly saying without thinking about horrible things that could happen to them

How to hug your parents without believing you’ll fall ill and die immediately

How to stop freaking out when I step on sidewalk cracks

How do stop rubbing your hands, on both sides of course, until they get red and puffy

Why will I flunk out of school/kill a family member/face a disaster if I don’t sit in THAT spot, go through THAT door, or take THAT road