[Image Description: A photo of a black calligraphy pen laying on a folded aromantic flag. Overlaid on the picture are the words “AUREA- Call for Submissions - May Carnival of Aros”]
Just found out that green is associated with aros because it’s the opposite of red which is considered the “romance color” :0 that’s so cool, did y’all know that?
Lmaooo my dad just told me my aromanticism is a phase and i just haven’t met the right person AND that I’m too young to know aromantic bingo is filling up
is it just me or is it super hard to accept and come to terms with aromanticism? like im aware that im aro, but there’s so many doubts and it was way easier for me to accept im ace
happy aromatic awareness week everyone!! this community is my favorite ever <33
valentines day was rough this year, my best friend, who i happen to love queerplatonically, left my school and now i won’t see him as much and i was just so alone and sad on feb 14, but then i had a bit of an aro reawakening (im aroflux) and im just so grateful for you all for making me feel like i have somewhere where i belong. hope everyone has a great week!!
One of the privileges of being aromantic: you can laugh at people’s love problems, because it doesn’t make sense to you anyway. Side effects: may cause people to think you’re a psychopath
[Yasmin Benoit: You barely see asexual people as it is, let alone a black asexual person.
I am a model and an asexuality activist, and I am an aromantic asexual.
There was never really a time where I didn’t think I was asexual. I noticed when I was about eight and I was in primary school like everyone’s hormones seemed to kick in and all of a sudden the boys and girls didn’t want to just play with each other; they were going out with each other and they fancied each other and I was like, “Alright, what’s this?”
The default is straight so when people would ask me I’d be like “Well I guess I’m straight but I don’t like boys.” And they were like: “Well then you’re probably not straight.” They said: “Well do you like girls?” and I was like “No, I don’t really like anybody.” And they were like: “Well maybe you’re asexual or something?” And I was like “Alright, that sounds good.” So I Googled that and I was like “Yeah, sounds about right.” So when I was about 14, I just started using that word.
I find that most of the time, in my personal life, people just kind of re-interpret it their own way. So I’ll say: “Hey, I’m asexual” and they’ll be like: “Oh ok, so you’re well behaved.” They’ll just switch it. I’ll be like “I’m asexual” and they’ll be like: “Oh, you’ll find the right person, don’t worry” and I’ll be like “That’s not what I said.”
It has nothing to do with being a prude, it has nothing to do with being insecure, and antisocial, and introverted. It has nothing to do with how you look—that’s something I get a lot—people are like: “Oh but you’re good looking, you don’t need to be asexual,” which usually tells me that A) people think that there is an asexual look and that it isn’t a good one, and 2) that asexuality is a choice that people take when they can’t get dates or that they can’t get laid, which is really strange.
One of the benefits of being asexual is definitely that you don’t have to worry about–if you’re aromantic—you really don’t worry about relationship stuff. I know some asexual people do worry about that but I don’t have that problem.
I think that representation is definitely very important because I think the LGBTQIA+ community in general is pretty whitewashed in its representation. That is not only ironic for the community that’s supposed to be so inclusive and diverse if it doesn’t look like that, it’s also counterproductive for minorities that are part of it because it’s kind of seen as being a white thing, which definitely doesn’t help when you are trying to come out and people don’t take it seriously in your community because it’s seen as being this white kid thing.
Even in the LGBTQIA community, I find that people tend to cut out the A or think that the A stands for allies. I notice a lot of the time in organisations or in the media, people only care about the LGBT part and even though they put the plus, they don’t actually acknowledge the plus. But last time I checked the community is about, you know, people that aren’t heteronormative and they don’t fit that and it’s supposed to be inclusive of that. I think that LGBTQIA+ platforms should do a better job of acknowledging what’s in the plus and not just the LGB and the T.]
“Love is not just Romance” This week is #AromanticAwarenessWeek! So I decided to paint a little something for my aro peeps! You are loved, you are whole, you are valid. (P. S. Yes, I realize it looks like one of those “Don’t Dead Open Inside” memes. I didn’t realize it until I’d already done it, please forgive me!) * * * #aromantic #aromanticism #artist #artlife #artistoninstagram #artistsofinstagram #artistsupport #youarevalid #paintersofinstagram #painting #acrylicpainting #aromanticpride #aromanticawareness #aromanticawarenessweek2022 https://www.instagram.com/p/CaSrzKCpL5z/?utm_medium=tumblr
The term ‘amatonormativity’ enables aromantic people to discuss the unique ways in which their identities are disadvantaged in a romantic-centric society. It does not mean that all forms or romantic love are equally valued, or that all forms of romantic love are privileged over aromanticism.
Amatonormativity is a piece of heteronormativity, and it’s norms are based off of ideals given to bonds that are heteroromantic heterosexual, especially among cisgendermale/femalepairs. The concept does not deny the unique way non-aromantics are disadvantaged re: romantic love.
The term is also used in academic contexts. It is not an invention of bloggers on social media. This would not necessarily invalidate the term, either, but it is important to acknowledge that this has an academic precedence, with multiple applications in research communities.
I think it’s important to note here that ‘amatonormativity’ is also used to discuss the norm ofmonogamy. Elizabeth Brake, who coined the term, was very explicit about how amatonormativity includes the enforcement of monogamy and that this norm has a high level of impact on polyamorous people in particular. The idea that ‘amatonormativity’ is just a word aro bloggers made up takes the term out of its original context and pushes aside any poly community discussions about amatonormativity in the process.
Also Elizabeth Brake actually talks about the distinction and overlap between heteronormativity, amatonormativity, and compulsory heterosexuality here on her website, so maybe people can listen to the actual academic who created the term before jumping to conclusions.
Yep, the term is useful to aromantic people for obvious reasons. However, people assume the term is an attempt on the part of aromantic people to position themselves as oppressed by people whose romantic experiences are also marginalized.
The term is relevant to multiple communities, and it addresses how heteronormativity impacts all individuals from the angle of relationship norms and the prioritization of romantic love within these norms, which disadvantages others.
I’ve seen posts expressing sentiments like “the aromantic community is tricking you into thinking amatonormativity is real!” but it does not even originate in our community and the term is useful to most marginalized communities.
The emphasis on marriage between monogamous pairs is an especially important part we can’t ignore re: amatonormativity. A lot of people tend to think polyamorous and aromantic issues are so far from each other, but they’re really not.
The term ‘amatonormativity’ enables aromantic people to discuss the unique ways in which their identities are disadvantaged in a romantic-centric society. It does not mean that all forms or romantic love are equally valued, or that all forms of romantic love are privileged over aromanticism.
Amatonormativity is a piece of heteronormativity, and it’s norms are based off of ideals given to bonds that are heteroromantic heterosexual, especially among cisgendermale/femalepairs. The concept does not deny the unique way non-aromantics are disadvantaged re: romantic love.
The term is also used in academic contexts. It is not an invention of bloggers on social media. This would not necessarily invalidate the term, either, but it is important to acknowledge that this has an academic precedence, with multiple applications in research communities.
As much as we talk about how sex / sexual intimacy should not be a reward for being nice / friendly to someone, I don’t think we discuss enough that the same applies to romance.
A lot of the time sex and romance are intertwined in these discussions, but in a way that positions sex as more crude and implies romance to be less of a problem when it comes to entitled attitudes.
But.
Being sexually intimate with another person does not mean that you are entitled to romantic affection from that person, as well as being nice / friendly to someone doesn’t entitle you to that either.
There is a tendency I have noticed, even among those that are vocal against sexual entitlement, to view lack of romance especially in the context of sex as cruel or toxic or abusive. Why?
…because romance is a more ‘tender’ experience and an unwillingness to participate in it will do real harm to another person’s “heart”? Like it is our responsibility not to hurt your feelings?
Sex requires consent, not romantic love. Friendship amongst other non-romantic relationships, do not naturally “blossom” into romantic love the more effort you put into it.
Effort doesn’t entitle you to that.
I don’t know. I grew up being told not to break any one’s heart moreso than I was ever told that it’s only fair to reward a dedicated relationship with sex. I think this message is fairly prevalent.
I “broke a lot of hearts” as they say, but I don’t feel bad about it. I don’t think I should. I don’t think that makes me cruel or toxic or abusive. How can that be when I’m just being… me?
Those people just assumed they would be rewarded for being friendly / nice to me with my romantic affection. It’s not my fault society tricked them into thinking that. That’s what’s toxic.
I don’t know if this is making sense but my point is that in any kind of non-romantic relationship, no one is entitled or guaranteed romantic affection as a reward for effort.
Hey everyone, it’s me, The Girl Who Created Voidpunk™, and I have some really important things I need to say that I’ve… Honestly been thinking about for a long time now. This may touch on some nerves, but I ask that if you participate in voidpunk in any way, you please, please put your feelings aside for a moment and read this. Especially if you’re aro.
Voidpunk, as I’m sure most of you are aware, came about as an expression of my aromantic experience (although it’s open to anyone who faces dehumanization for one reason or another, regardless of orientation). What some of you may not know is that voidpunk very much arose not only from my experiences as an aromantic, but as anallosexualaromantic. I felt very broken, alone, and inhuman for… Pretty much all of my teenage years, really, because I didn’t know that there could be people like me. That what I was was ok. I knew that aromanticism was a thing, but because I only ever heard it talked about as being a type of asexuality, I believed that I couldn’t be aro, and was simply messed up in the head.
As you can see, this notion- that aromanticism is just a type of asexuality, that asexuality is the default for aros- Is really, really harmful to allosexual aros and non-SAM aros. And that’s something we’ve been trying to call attention to recently, but there’s been… Some backlash, to say the least. While it’s understandable to be upset if someone makes blatantly aphobic comments, it seems that it’s no longer possible for allo aros to talk at all about the ways the ace community hurts us without being told that we’re being unfair to aroaces, or worse, that we owethe ace community for our existence due to the shared history between the two communities. A lot of us feel, frankly, silenced. I myself recently left Arocalypse (on Discord, at least) for this very reason, and I feel like I can no longer even trust many of my aroace friends, because they don’t seem to care about how I feel.
Voidpunk is open to anyone who relates to it, by all means, but my personal voidpunk- and the original creation of voidpunk- Is inseparably tied to my allosexual aromanticism. And allthough Voidpunk is fun, its origin is not. Voidpunk was created as a way of coping with the extreme feelings of inhumanization and isolation that I’ve suffered from since childhood, and… Like it or not, voidpunk came due to suffering that was in part caused by the asexual community, even if it wasn’t intentional, nor the conscious responsibility of any particular individuals. That’s why it hurts so much to see other voidpunks turn their back on us.
If you participate in voidpunk, you have a responsibility to respectfully listen to the concerns of allosexual aros, to not invalidate or silence us, and to do your part to help right the wrongs that are done to us. It’s not fair that you should get to hurt me, and then turn around and use my coping mechanism as your new cutesy aesthetic.
