Tbh as someone who has been in fandom for most of my life, i have noticed that a lot of fandoms start heavily shipping based and with time that becomes more of a background thing for familial relationships and actual friendships…also people in the shipping based fandoms don’t know how to reblog anything that isn’t ship related and THAT…..THAT stresses me out
everyone else: batman is built like a brick shit house, he’s huge, he’s menacing, I once saw him walk off a broken femur, a femur!! the largest and most painful bone you can break in the body. one time he crashed the batmoblie into a pole, went flying out the windshield, turned that into a somersault, did a back hand spring and kicked bane in the jaw, he terrifies me
superman: my little meow meow?? my blorbo??? my bwucie ???? he’s got hollow bird bones and bruises like a peach in the Kansas sun, he’s my baby my funny bunny, I want to put him inside my pocket, if I could I’d place him on my shoulder and carry him around all day. one time he used the emergency jl line just to make me kill a spider in his bedroom because alfred was on vacation. he needs someone to start his apples for him. he incites a cuteness aggression in me not unlike what someone might feel towards a sad looking puppy like sometimes I wanna smother him I think he’s so cute
this is probably a bit of a weird take, but… i wanna see robert pattinson’s bruce wayne and christopher reeve’s clark kent interacting. think about it. both of them are poor little meow meow material, just in different directions. like a wet cat and a nervous puppy.
and just imagine the conversations between the two. you’ve got reeve’s clark gushing about how much he admires battinson during an interview, stumbling over his words and fidgeting with his hands (which is weirdly adorable when you’re built like a linebacker) and there’s just this eyeshadow wearing wisp of a man trying to keep a straight face while his inner monologue is going, “he’s such a fucking dork what the fuck. i wanna kiss him.”
legit confused with how battinson would hold up with his soon to be extended family. in the dc comics we see his kids constantly clown on him cause they know he can take it. jason constantly waving his death certificate over bruce’s face? no biggie, he signed that himself. dick getting into an argument with him and calling him every scalding name in the book? bruce cursed like a sailor and probably taught him those. cass retreating into a blanket fort and refusing to speak with him? he’ll wait outside until she cools down to apologize.
but battinson? the man is one minor inconvenience away from a total breakdown all the time. his self esteem is in the dirt, he can’t look anyone in the eye, he doesn’t even know what he’s doing. so imagine his kids trying to assure him he’s doing a great job and him just curled up on the ground.
jason: b, it’s okay. sure i died but now i’m even beefier than you and the government won’t try to make me pay taxes :D
bruce: u have ptsd
jason: so does literally everyone else in this family
steph: wow u know i love your hair how is it holding its shape so well
bruce: i haven’t showered in 8 days
damian: father someone at the gala was looking at your behind and making lewd comments so i removed their eyes for you
bruce:
damian: because i care about you
dick: u know dami maybe some things are better left unsaid
damian: you are absolutely right grayson, how dare i voice my affection verbally. i’m getting soft. father, take these eyeballs and get out of my sight
Listen, we know Bruce was traumatized by his parents’ death but I hold that even before they were killed Bruce Wayne was a little weirdo. Like his paranoia and difficulty with emotion and attachment are from that terrible night. But I imagine 8 year old Brucie was OCD as hell and painstakingly arranging and rearranging his things to his satisfaction. He was meticulous, even as a child, very detail oriented. Highly intelligent, showing a boundless curiosity and determination to understand everything from a young age. I bet he was hell to enforce bedtimes on, always to do much to do and too little hours in the day.
Bruce was that kid who dragged bugs in the house for study, pulled down all the books on one shelf so could arrange them in height order, skittered around the house’s many passages like a little rat. He was the kid who was happy and cheerful but a bit awkward from growing up a Wayne, he would much rather squirrel away somewhere with a book considered too old for him than talk with people he didn’t know. He loved the macabre in the way weird little kids too, he wanted to see Zorro for the action and the violent fight scenes. Thomas and Martha Wayne had to listen to their precocious son ask them time and again how they thought they would die and listen to his speculations.
I want the Justice League to have to go back in time for whatever reason and they expect Bruce to be a delightful, happy, normal child. Instead, they find a kid with a lovingly worn Sherlock Holmes omnibus under one arm, an entire bag of raisins in the other, dark circles under his eyes from late nights reading and he’s covered in dust and debris from getting stuck behind the drywall again.
“You’re not mom and dad’s friends,” he’d say in a petulant voice with a familiar set of his mouth. “I’m gonna call my butler and he’s going to kick your butt.” And the whole League loses their mind because Bruce really has always been Bruce.
Things that Jason Todd has pretended to be for the sake of the media (since he’s legally dead)
The family’s bodyguard
Paparazzi
Damian’s nanny
That’s his favorite cover because it infuriates Damian
Duke’s twin brother
Jason: ‘It’s fraternal I swear’
Duke:
The press:
Duke: ‘…yep’
Their live-in gardener
To keep up appearances he goes out into the garden with huge trimmers and Alfred hauls his ass back inside before he decapitates a bush
Bruce’s long lost child from an affair
The press eats this up
Damian immediately takes to Twitter to subdue the rumors because he doesn’t want anyone thinking that he’s biologically related to Jason
‘Tason Jodd’
An escapee from Arkham asylum
This backfires when everyone freaks out and calls batman and Bruce has to leave, come back in the suit, pretend to subdue Jason and then release him once they’re out of sight
‘I mean I did technically do a stint in Arkham so I wasn’t lying’
Steph calls him bae ONE TIME and all of a sudden everyone thinks they’re dating
They stamp out the rumors when Jason posts a photo of him and Roy kissing on his Instagram @undeadjasontodd
He frequently flat out says that he’s Jason Todd but nobody believes him
