#ch sherlock holmes
Sherlock: I still can’t believe that officer pulled you over just to tell you that you were driving perfectly.
Molly: Why not? I was.
Sherlock: so an octopus can change its colour to mimic its surroundings. when octopi do this it’s called-
Eurus: an octo-lie
Sherlock: …metachrosis
Eurus:
Sherlock:
Eurus: mocktopus.
Sherlock: it’s like all Scotland Yard share one brain cell
Greg: i’d come up with a comeback but it’s not my turn to use it
John: Uh… Should I be concerned?
Sherlock (dragging a body bag up the stairs): Nope.
Eurus: I wonder if I’m immortal.
Sherlock: That’s a terrible thing to test, what the hell?!
Eurus: *pouring a glass of bleach* You’re not my dad.
Sherlock: If we want answers from Moriarty, the soft approach won’t work. We have to bust him open like a piñata!
Eurus:We tried that at Sherrinford. The goo that comes out doesn’t taste as good as candy.
Sherlock:No. Metaphorically.
Eurus:Oh.
Sherlock and Eurus standing in front of the burning kitchen, John enters.
John, resigned: What happened?
Eurus:We wanted to make waffles.
John, sighing:And?
Eurus:It’s not exactly rocket science.
John, signing again: Yes, I know. And?
Sherlock:That was the problem. If it had been rocket science this would be a lot more spectacular.
Moriarty: Well, if it isn’t Little Sherlock Sunshine.
Sherlock: Little Sherlock Sunshine died. I’m Little Sherlock Go Fuck Yourself.
John: What are you doing?
Sherlock sitting on the table: This is my house, I can sit wherever I want. I don’t see why—
John:Where is the spider?
Sherlock:Under the table, please get it for me! please
Sherlock: Eurus, I need to have a word with you
Eurus:Oh, are you gonna arrest me?
Sherlock:quite the opposite
Eurus: I’m gonna arrest you?
Sherlock: Eurus, why do you have three mini fridges plugged into the same outlet?
Eurus: three mini fridges are cheaper than a regular one
Sherlock:whoops!
Moriarty: WHOOPS?!? we are far past whoops. WHOOPS is a distant speck in the rear view window!!
Moriarty: We are solidly in the OH FUCK territory AND I EXPECT YOU TO ACT LIKE IT
Greg:I asume you realise that this kind of idiocy will not be tolerated in Scotland Yard
Sherlock: Is there another type of idiocy that you would be more confortable with?
John:I am SO mad
Sherlock:I know, the criminal was a total asshole
John:NOOO
Sherlock:what?!
John: I stepped in a puddle and now my foot is wet! THE AUDACITY! my foot is frozen. Who left water on the floor for me to step in?!?!?! They are the real criminal!!!
Rosie: OH MY GOD, THE STOVE IS ON FIRE! What do we do?!
Sherlock: Okay, no worries, we just need an adult
Rosie: But YOU are the adult
Sherlock: WE NEED AN ADULTER ADULT!!! WHERE IS JOHN???!?!
John:When we go out I expect you to be on your best behaviour
Sherlock: That’s right, Rosie
John: I was talking to you
Mary: Okay, I’ve called you all to this meeting because some of us don’t seem to get along
Sherlock: Mycroft and I are literally the only ones you called here
Eurus: Did I ever tell you how much I respect you?
Sherlock: What?
Eurus: Don’t get me wrong, I never liked you, you’re sort of prissy, but in this moment, when you stood toe-to-toe with me and won, I gotta say you had balls, kid.
Sherlock: Oh, great, so she gets an A- and I get a broken eye and a black nose
John: I think you meant–
Sherlock: I know what I meant.
Molly: My dog has a black nose. It’s so cute, like a baby meatball!
Sherlock: Meatballs are brown.
Molly: YOU’RE SO MEAN TO ME!
Eurus: I accidentally poisoned someone’s drink but I forgot which
Mycroft:What?
John: The fuck?
Sherlock:With the way dinner’s going I hope is mine
