Dearest Cecilia, the story can resume. The one I had been planning on that evening walk. I can become again the man who once crossed the surrey park at dusk, in my best suit, swaggering on the promise of life. The man who, with the clarity of passion, made love to you in the library. The story can resume. I will return. Find you, love you, marry you and live without shame.
JAMESMCAVOYasRobbie TurnerinATONEMENT (2007) dir. Joe Wright
A/N: There will be a lot of flashbacks in this story.
The next couple days were hectic around the house. Everyone coming by to make sure the kids and I were okay. Bringing us food so I didn’t have to cook and some even offering to come back and clean the house. I hadn’t left at all. Jessica and Amber coming to collect Lucas for school, while Lena and I stayed home. Lucas started kindergarten this year and Lena was only three.
The girls tried to get me out of the house. Even if it was to go outside or to dinner, but I couldn’t do it. What if he called and I wasn’t here? What if he came home? I couldn’t take the thought of that. So, I stayed here, waiting for the time when I’d hear his voice, or that they can’t find him, or he was dead.
I heard the door open and Lucas ran in, Jessica walking in behind him, holding up a picture that he drew of our family. Both kids standing between Sy and me and the kids holding our hands. I tried not to break down again.
“That’s so lovely, honey.” I told him. “I know exactly where we can put this.” I got up and pulled a magnet down. Hanging the picture on the fridge and seeing him beaming at me.
“Ally. Why don’t I take the kids for a little while? Let you get some rest and some quite time?”
“But it’s my turn with the kids. Don’t you have stuff to do?”
“Nothing I can’t handle. I’ll have Jeffery and Tina help with them, it’s no trouble at all. You’d do the same for me.” Before I could even answer, she had the kids and was walking out the door.
The quite hit me like a ton of bricks. I looked around at the house, just standing there, lost without him. Who knew on the day I met him, I would love him so desperately.
“I’m Sy.” I rolled my eyes and walked away carrying the tray of drinks to another table. I felt his eyes on me and sure enough, when I looked back, he was watching me. I walked back by the table he was at and he held up his empty beer bottle and smiled at me. He did have a nice smile, I thought to myself as I went to get him another. I set the bottle on the table in front of him, lingering for a moment longer then I should have, but god he smelled good. He turned his head and smirked at me. “Can you join me?”
“I’m working right now.” I started to walk away but he turned suddenly and blocked my path.
“What about after?” I studied him for a minute. It couldn’t hurt, right? My parents had the kids for the night. It had been so long since a man looked at me the way he was.
I’m off in an hour.” I told him before pushing him away and walking back behind the bar. I tried to ignore him, but every time I would look up, he was there, moving closer, watching me. Before I knew it, he was sitting at the bar, his friends long forgotten.
“What’s your name?” Brian the other bartender looked at me and laughed before walking away.
“Ally.”
“Is that short for something?”
“Alexandra.” I grabbed him another beer and he grabbed my hand, looking at me and rubbing his thumb across my palm.
“That’s a beautiful name, darlin’.”
I smiled at him before moving away and started cleaning some of the tables. Brian walked up to me, leaning close. “Watch out for that one. He’s military, won’t be around for very much longer and he’s got quite the reputation with the ladies, if you know what I mean.”
“I can take care of myself, Brian. But thanks for the heads up.”
I went into the office, grabbing my bag and walked back out. Was this something I really wanted to do? I mean sure he’s gorgeous and he seems nice enough, what the hell, I thought as I made my way towards him. “Sy. I’m off.” He smiled, turning he grabbed his beer, swallowing the remainder of it and got up. I felt his hand on the small of my back as we walked out, my back suddenly on fire from his touch.
“Look, I know what that guy said to ya in there. I am military and I am leaving to go to Georgia in a couple days. I have been with a lot of woman here. I’m not looking for an easy lay tonight, Ally. I just wanted the company of a beautiful woman, and ya are, very beautiful. I thought we could just walk around and talk, maybe get some ice cream. Whatever you want.”
I stopped and turned to look at him. I studied him closely. I mean it could have been a line. Some men will say anything. Looking into his eyes though, I saw an honesty that I couldn’t deny. “I’d really like that. It’s been a while since I’ve been out.” We started walking again. “Why are you going to Georgia?”
“Got new orders. I have to leave here in three days to report for duties. Fort Benning will be home for a while until they ship me somewhere else. How long have you been working here?”
“A couple months. I just went back to work after being home for a couple years. I like it for the most part, but my feet kill me by the end of the night.”
“And here I am making you walk around town.” We both laughed as we continued walking. We talked, he wasn’t like anyone I had ever met before. We talked like we have known each other for all our lives. He made it easy to talk to him, to be myself, and not worry what he would think. I’ve never had that before. Not even with my ex. I suddenly wished he wasn’t leaving so soon.
We made it to ice cream shoppe and he ordered us a sundae to share, we sat down and he handed me a spoon. “So, I take it you have no one waiting for you at home?”
“No, that’s been over for a long time. He’s navy actually and he decided that I wasn’t enough anymore, that the life we had wasn’t enough. I found out he was sleeping with another woman, someone on his crew. It made since after I found that out. Still it doesn’t make it any easier. Especially with the kids.”
He stopped eating and stared at me, not moving at all. “You have kids?”
“Yeah. A boy and a girl.” He nodded and looked around at the door. I felt my heart drop. Of course, who would want a woman with two kids, even for a night or a couple days. I tried to stay focused and decided maybe it was time to go, suddenly feeling like I had over stayed my welcome. “I get it.” He looked back at me and frowned. “It’s fine, really. You’re not the first man that’s been turned off because I have kids and I’m sure you won’t be the last. I’m going to go. Thanks for the walk and the talk. It was nice talking to someone other than a 3 year old and a 6 month old.” When he didn’t say anything, I stood up, ready to leave.
“Ally. Please stay. I’m sorry, ok? That was just the last I was expecting for ya to say. I’m enjoyin talkin to you. Come on,” he said when I didn’t move. “Sit down.” And I did. What did it matter anyway. It’s not like I would ever see him again after tonight. “How long ago did he leave you and the kids?”
“While I was pregnant with Lena, the youngest. He said I should have never got pregnant again, Lucas was all he wanted, as if it was all my fault. He’s never even seen her.” I saw Sy clench his jaw, his eyes darkening.
“What a jackass! To leave you like that, with two kids. Why hasn’t he seen the baby?”
“He says it’s hard enough not seeing Lucas, that he doesn’t want to get attached to another child. Can you believe that? He acts like their dogs not children.” I took the last bite of the sundae and looked at him.
“He’s not a man at all. Not a real man anyway. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. It must be hard, raisin two kids on your own.” He stood up and reached for my hand. I took it as I stood next to him, his hand tightened on mine and he started for the door.
“I’m not completely alone. I mean my parents help a lot with them so I can work. I’m still trying to save for a better place for them.”
“Does he help at all?” We stopped at the corner and waited for the light to change.
“No. I could go to his commanding officer, but I figure it’s for the best. I don’t want to force him to be in their life and I don’t want anything from him.” He nodded as we started walking back towards the bar.
“I get where you don’t want his help, but they are his responsibility too. You should consider it.” He walked me to my car, taking my keys and unlocking the door. “I enjoyed our walk, talk, and ice cream.” I giggled and stood there. I didn’t want to leave but I had no idea what to say to him. “Anyway can I see you again? I know I’m leaving soon, but there’s just something about ya.” He moved closer and leaned his head closer to mine. “Tell me if ya don’t want me to kiss ya.”
I didn’t say anything as his gaze flickered between my eyes and lips as he leaned in closer. I sighed as his lips gently meant mine. Once, twice, three times before he pulled away.
“I would love to see you again. I’m off tomorrow, but I’ll have the kids.”
“Bring em. I’ll figure out something we all can do. Give me your phone.” I fished out my phone, unlocked it and handed it to him. He typed in his number and then called his phone. “I’ll call you in the morning. Text me when you get home, just so I know ya made it.”
“I will.” I took a chance, lifting my lips to his for a longer kiss. I pulled away and smiled at him. “See you tomorrow, Sy.”
“Logan. The names Logan. See you tomorrow, Ally.”
I wrapped my arms around my waist as I felt the tears fill my eyes. What if I never saw him again?
