lilacevans:

send me asks about ur fave c.e character, lemme know ur little daydreams <3

Haven’t been on here in the hottest of minutes. How is everyone?

How have things been in the fandom of late? I’ve been living peacefully only seeing Harry on Instagram lol

if you loved me, why did you leave me?

Well, over the past few months that I haven’t like, realllly been on here, I spent nearly all of june on three different trips with three different groups of friends, rode in a helicopter for the first time, saw the live production of Wicked, made more friends on another trip, went camping for the first time ever with sone friends, got kinda decent at drawing realistic portraits, turned nine-fucking-teen, AND YA BOI GOT ANOTHER JOB!!

Still don’t have a boyfriend though… so that position is still open…. just sayin…

So, as season 3 is revealed to be Polin season and as there is more and more conversation surrounding Colin being inexperienced in more carnal affairs (from only being with a few people to being a virgin (which is what I’m personally rooting for)), I wanted to talk about how we could see some really good queer rep from our fav Bridgerton Boi: Colin

1. When I read RMB, I took a step back and thought to myself ‘Wow, I think he could be demisexual’. There were SO many plot points and bits of dialogue that had me hmming. Now, do I think JQ was out here doing this on purpose? NO. But do I, as a queer person who spent 2 decades looking for queer representation and only finding in subtext, dig deep into the story regardless? YES. I think Colin can very readily be read as being on the asexual spectrum!

2. Colin only falls for Penelope after he truly knows her. More than falling for Penelope, however, he experiences sexual attraction to her after he knows her and has a bond with her. The first kiss is initiated by Penelope, but he describes it as being like he’d never experienced before. Many demi people have the experience of kissing others, but realizing that their attraction is different once they kiss someone they’re truly emotionally bonded with! That’s one experience demi people have. Now, Show Colin and Book Colin are already different, so while I see that as something that is important in the book, the show can change it and relate to a different demi experience by…

3. Having Colin not want to kiss ANYONE until he realizes he has a bond with Penelope and then finally wanting to kiss her. Book Colin had never been in love, but Show Colin can expand that to him never being in lust. In the show, we have no on-screen kiss or explicit sexual anything with Colin. In fact, when he was alone with Marina, it was a perfect set up for a kiss, but he doesn’t go for it. Why? Because even if he feels he loves Marina (which he may have!!! ace doesn’t mean aro. or he may not have! that’s not actually all that important to this particular convo), he doesn’t KNOW her. Thus, he likely doesn’t WANT to kiss her. Contrast this with…

4. him kissing Penelope, someone he knows and understands, and it being his very first on-screen kiss. And then it progressing beyond kissing once she feels confident enough to be vulnerable and slip off the mask so he can truly KNOW her. He knows her to some degree, yeah, the mask is cracking (their conversation about purpose, realizing that she’s special to him, their jokes and friendship), but they are BOTH wearing masks and holding each other at arms length. When the masks come off, when they are fully vulnerable, when they lay it on the table (Pen being more honest, revealing she’s LW, Colin expressing his dissatisfaction with his life, having constant deep conversations) so do the breaches. So to speak lol

5. Speaking of that conversation about purpose, Colin is a character who often feels aimless, unsure, and in many ways, he reminds me of having imposter syndrome. He’s faking it until he makes it. And what an incredible opportunity for the show to write Colin as feeling ostracized by his male friends and having to pretend around them as feeding into that ‘fake it til you make it’ mentality! That he doesn’t feel desire or attraction the way THEY do but he’s putting on the show, wearing the mask, so as not to be left out. This is such an incredibly queer experience, I know I’ve definitely felt it, and what a wonderful opening for the show to write a soft ending for it: you can feel alone, you can feel left out, you can be different and love others differently, but he can still have love, deep, meaningful love, if you are genuine to yourself. And he can be! He can have that love with Penelope, can really learn and explore her as a person, and feel attraction differently but just as amazingly

6. Colin being Demi gives a tender, endearing understanding to some lines he’s had that others feel very negatively about. Let’s start with the ‘You are my friend, you do not count’ line that soooo many people hated. (I was fine with it, personally) Demisexual people typically don’t experience sexual attraction to someone who they don’t know. In Colin revealing that Pen is special to him, that she is different, that she is his FRIEND, he IS progressing the romantic relationship with her!!! He is revealing that he sees her in a way he doesn’t see others and since his sexual attraction is different as a demi person, this is a GOOD thing!!!

7. Even the line of never dreaming of courting Penelope. It could be framed as him not dreaming of courting anyone (something I’ve seen popping up), but also that…though they’re close and they’re friends, they don’t KNOW each other fully. He’s wearing a mask and she’s wearing a mask. And after his experience with Marina, in which he may or may not have romantically been interested in her but went for the courting because ‘maybe’, this time he wants to be sure. And he only BECOMES sure after really seeing the depth of Penelope and the bond they have, later. Or he’s posturing for his ‘friends’ because he wants to fit in with them because he already knows he’s different. He still has to apologize for this line, and we all know he’s going to eat his words, but, at least for me, it softens the blow

Listen, as a queer woman, I relate a lot to Colin because I saw a lot of how my romantic interests in women often play out through how Polin’s storyline went. Often, we’re friends, have a hard time parsing out our feelings, don’t know if it’s JUST friendship or if it’s something more, and then a catalyst comes and there’s a realization. Also, in seeing Colin as being demi and on the ace spectrum, I feel kinship with him as a member of the queer/LGBTIAP+ community. 

I think the show could do with better queer rep, in general, and Colin being demi could be a massive show of representation. I mean, a lead in a historical romance identifying as asexual? And having a love story and Happily Ever After? THAT’S AMAZING. Maybe he doesn’t have the language (and I don’t need nor WANT him to say ‘I’m demisexual’), but he can have the experience and connect with so many people, and it can be such a good start. 

In fact, my greatest hope is that he’s a virgin and that he spells it out that, yeah, he hid behind his ‘I’m a gentleman’ in S1 and his ‘I’ve sworn off women’ in S2, but in S3, he reveals that he wanted to be in love. Real love. He wanted to wait until he knew someone and someone knew him. He wanted to bond with another person and he didn’t WANT to have sex until he had that experience. That he didn’t even FEEL sexual attraction or wanting like that until he has his emotional bond with Penelope. After knowing her, after connecting with her, he’s ready and he wants to have sex.

Just imagine how healing that could be. 

Now manifest with me.

I’m here to listen!

Dear people of tumblr,

Here’s the thing: I’m a bit lonely and want to talk to someone without you know… going out, cause introvert and all that. So I thought I might make myself useful in the process.

My offer: if you have a secret weighting on your mind, a confession to make, a deep love for a show/movie/whatever that you just HAVE to tell someone, a crush, regrets, or literally just anything under these categories and others —> come talk

If you want advice I can try and give you some, if you simply need to vent I can listen, if you need to fangirl/boy sure let’s go I’ll get on board.

My point is COME TALK AOUT ANYTHING, I promise no judgement, an open mind and no ulterior motive except maybe helping someone in need, someone who would like to talk to a perfect stranger about things they can’t tell their family/friends etc.

This is a SAFE SPACE!

My inbox is open, my fingers are ready to type, my ears are listening, my heart is open. Consider me you secret keeper, your own little psychologist, or stranger to whom you can vent because you’re breaking down.

I’m waiting! :)