#dont leave me

it’s taking a trip from this current URL to this one: https://rainbowfirebanana.tumblr.com/

soon, I will be transferring the content of this blog to another blog I already have. Since this one is still rather young I am able to transfer all of the previously posted one by one, so nothing gets lost.

if u can fall asleep when things are bad between us then it shows me u dont care what could happen when u wake up

sometimes i wonder how many times you thought about giving up on me

probably more than i could ever bear to hear

please don’t fall out of love with me

You deserve someone that won’t leave even when it’s hard to breathe.

Yep, panic attack in the bathroom. Perfect.

Feeling pretty empty right now but I’m gonna act like I’m aiight

To anyone that has ever called anyone “too loud” or told someone to “use their inside voice” or said “you just dont know how to turn it down a couple of notches, huh?”

I would like you to, just for a moment, come home with me. I live alone. So for over 12 hours a day I hardly ever open my mouth. Unless I’m going to work where ‘apparantly’ I’m more boisterous then the average person. I’m sorry? I dont have a chance to talk to anyone for 90% of my day so I get everything that I can out while I can before falling back into silence.

I know I’m loud, please stop reminding me. I know I talk a lot, please stop reminding me. I know I constantly crack jokes, please stop reminding me.

I get it. I know.

You constantly saying how loud I am or pointing it out, whether in a joking manner or serious, takes a toll on me mentally. Believe me I would love to be a soft spoken person, but much to my dismay and clearly yours aswell, I’m not. So please

Just stop.

I love the emo genre music because it has a message. It not about being the hottest bitch at the club or stealing someone boyfriend cause you can. It has emotions and its relatable. It makes you sit back and think about everything that you’ve been through, why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling and it makes you feel for the artist. They didnt just right that because they think it’ll make them popular. They wrote it because they’re in pain or they’re angry or whatever they’re feeling at that time.

And for someone to say “I like so-and-so’s music but it all sounds the same, just some emo girl/guy whining about life.” Make it crystal clear that you not only dont understand what the artist is saying but you don’t sympathize with it at all. So please don’t patronize the music by calling it “whining”.

Ik this was really random but it came from a personal conversation and it just floored me that someone could say that.

I had the biggest panic attack of my life last night. It came out nowhere and lasted for at least 2-3 hours. I felt like I was drown and on the edge of death the entire time. Time ticked by so slowly I felt like I was floating in a pitch black ocean. Lights were blinding, noises were somehow unbearably loud but muffled. Nothing was helping. I contemplated calling my parents, my brother and then even 911 because I couldn’t catch my breath, I couldn’t calm down. My entire house was spinning, my chest was tight and my stomach wouldnt stop flipping. I screamed, I cried. My brain pounded against my skull like a prisoner. I smacked my self hard in the face as a way to bring myself back up to the surface for air, if only just for a moment. When I finally fell asleep, I blacked out.

This is what happens when you are missing you medication. When you fall, you fall hard.

if you loved me, why did you leave me?

Why is it always this way? Why cant I make the most important person to me happy? Why cant I make everything better? Why do I feel like its all my fault.. Am I a bad boyfriend? Am I a burden? I make everything worse and worse dont I? No matter how hard I try Ill never be good enough,, Why cant I even make You smile, why cant I make You happy to be here.. It always goes like this.. Am I being selfish? Am I not doing enough? I can do more.. You know I can do more.. Just tell me what and Ill do it.. Please dont leave me.. I cant be left alone.. Do You want me to cut my arms? Will that make it better again? Please tell me how to make it better.. Why didnt You tell me sooner.. I dont want to be a bad boyfriend.. Please let me help.. Please.. How can I make it all better? So that You wont feel this way..? Youre my everything.. Dont take it away from me..

Without You Im nobody.. Without You I dont want to live.. Youre my only purpose in life.. I cant live with the thought that You dont want me anymore, with the thought that I hurt You like others did.. Please.. Please I want to make it better again..

I cant lose you.. If I see him around you ever again. I am going to change my career path and become a snuff film producer just to make a special 5+ hour special with that gross maggot. Ill make sure to get my message across to whoever would try to get close to you just like he tried.

didn’t think you could leave so easily