#epic fail

It’s been a while since we had a fan submisision that can make it through the tumblr bots, but hopefully this one qualifies - what fine penmanship on this embarrassed boy!

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Never Pass Out Drunk At A Rival College’s Frat Party‼️

When my friend at the bar says they don’t sing karaoke:

This makes me so uncomfortable how accurate this is…

I know blind people are happy to see this

Though it has been on the market since 1987, the popular hair dye product Just for Men® has recently come under legal scrutiny due to reports of severe side effects.  

The product’s manufacturer, Combe Brands is currently facing class-action suits from various personal injury firms including Wright & Schulte LLC, The Schmidt Firm PLLC, and Wilson, Kehoe, Wilingham LLC.

The initial legal action against Just for Men® was based on roughly 400 reports of serious chemical burns on the product review website ConsumerAffairs.com. 

Just for Men® Customer Reviews:

“After using this product, that evening, I noticed that my face was blotchy, so I shaved the beard off. To my surprise, my whole chin was a lighter shade than the rest of my face!”

Timothy of Dayton, Ohio

“I use Just For Men as instructed no longer than 5 minutes and believe me the results even now 17 days later no one can tell me. No chemicals should be this powerful to rip a facial apart, hairline Scout headaches, hard to breathe. This is pain, suffer, a complete embarrassment. This product has done me so much harm. I am too embarrassed to be seen in the public at all even around my whole family. In a motel because this is too much to bear. I cry from embarrassment or so much pain. I cannot sleep on my face. Can I sleep on my head. It is even hard to shower. To let anyone touch my face. Even the wind hurts. I tried to get in touch with Just For Men and I got no response.”

Paul of Houston, Texas

“I ended up getting Vitiligo after using this product for 6+ months. I was trying to figure out what was causing these (at the time) subtle white spots, which then grew and got more and more white. I am so unhappy and depressed with having the condition now after seeing my dermatologist. I had to spend $245 for the visit and $487 for photo optic ointment after insurance. No cure, but there could be improvement. The chemicals in this product are toxic.”

Chris of San Francisco, California

“I have been using the Just For Men beard coloring since last Oct and in May 2015 it burned my face and I can’t get it to go away. Please help me get some relief. Apparently someone mixed the product wrong and people like me are suffering with a chemical burn.”

Dave of Chesnee, South Carolina

“I did the skin test and waited 48 hrs. before I tried this product. I applied JFM beard and mustache dye to my skin on the night of Apr 23 @ about 8 pm, by 2 am of the 24th I was at the hospital because I had itching, swelling, oozing and a lot of heat generating from the area that I had applied the product. Today is my wife’s birthday, I wanted to look my best when I took her out, now I can’t even leave my house. Thanks JFM!!!”

Billy of Greensboro, North Carolina

Interesting Note: Just for Men® parent company Combe Brands also manufactures the female hygiene product Vagisil®.  

So in true ‘me’ style, blogging was a phase (a very short one at that) which passed in the blink of an eye. Not because I didn’t have the material to write about, I mean let’s be honest it’s just my inner ramblings anyway, but allocating a set time to sit and think and write was just nigh on impossible.

So as I lay here tucked up in bed at 0045, cosy but struggling to sleep, I figured this was a good a time as any to rekindle this uncommitted hobby.

Let me tell you about the last time I tried to get a tan. It was just last weekend actually, Friday. I was going out in the evening and could have done with being 1 Pantone shade darker. So, naturally, off I headed to the beach. We all know I hate the beach anyway (well kind of, I’ve just reaffirmed this since I moved to Dubai). It’s not really the beach I hate, it’s the sand. Omg the sand drives me mad! Therefore, by default so does the beach.

So after my housemate had emergency friend issues elsewhere and could no longer join me, and everyone else was busy so last minute, I decided to go alone. Some well needed R&R. I plucked up the courage to strip down to the bikini, baring the excess pounds which just won’t shift and lacquered on the tanning oil (it’s factor 20 don’t worry), opting for a factor 50 for the face. Not sure why as the face is the bit that needed the tan the most but regardless, it was new and I hadn’t used it before. So whilst lying there, attempting to read a book through shit sunglasses and a piercing sun, my eyes slowly started to tingle. I didn’t think much of it, assumed it was the heat and a bit of sweat, rubbed my eyes and carried on reading. After a few moments I went for a chunky dunk (but clothed, obviously, it is Dubai!) and returned to the 'this will be blissful’ state of sweaty books, prickly heat and blowing sand (sidetrack slightly, no joke, they actually use the term 'blowing sand’ on the weather report… What kind of terminology is that?). Anyway, I decided to mould the sand under my towel to make a pillow and then re lathered my SPF as I couldn’t afford to burn. This time my eyes really started to burn and it became incredibly uncomfortable so I decided to rub it off. The stinging subsided but didn’t go away but I assumed it would settle like last time. So I waited, not so patiently.

As my core temperature rocketed to an unbearable heat I decided to take another dip. This time, I waded out to waist height, taking my time and meandering around little bits of seaweed and then BOOM! The sea had been a little rough with gentle waves breaking at the shore all day but suddenly out of nowhere came this tremendous wave which crashed down on top of me. It dived into my sunglasses, flooding my eyes and mixing the sun cream in with my already irritated eyeballs, simultaneously wiping out a poor kid not to far from me. He emerged squealing with joy (note to self: steal goggles off kids next to me next time a wave the size of the Burj approaches and stand there, victoriously waiting!).

Meanwhile, I was blinded. No, I mean literally blinded. I couldn’t open my eyes as it felt like someone had poured hot steaming venom on my face. The more I rubbed the worse it got. The more I didn’t, well, the worse it got. So I stumbled back to my towel, opening my raw eyes for 1 second at a time to check I was headed in the right direction and not at risk of falling into a freshly created abyss in the sand, or toppling over some poor unsuspecting woman trying to sleep.

After what felt like an age I found my towel (now covered in 'blowing sand’) and sat there, discreetly rocking back and forth cradling my face. After 5 minutes I threw in the towel, literally, packing up my shit with my eyes closed and determinedly stumbled my way back across the beach weaving in and out of bodies to hail a taxi and go home. Of course, this would be the one time I got a driver who truly wanted to save me time and money by suggesting I cross the road and get a taxi that didn’t have to wait in traffic.

So I very politely (well almost in the circs) retorted that I was blind and he should shut up and drive, simultaneously picturing the scene that would ultimately lead to my death if I were to venture forth, arms outstretched to feel for oncoming traffic.

Anyway, I arrived home to a further 3 hours of rinsing my face continuously and lying there in bed on one of my few bearable days of heat left, willing my eyes to stop aching so I could enjoy the pleasure of mere sight again!

Fail.

All in all, it was a positively unproductive day. I set out to gain a tan and instead returned having temporarily lost eyesight through inability to open my eyelids. Rest assured, I won’t be using that face cream again!

Lesson learnt. Fake bake is, only sometimes, the right choice to make.