Give me Bruce Wayne with a truly impressive lack of self-preservation, much to the absolute bewilderment of the rest of Gotham
Bruce has spent the past 20 years being a reclusive, socially awkward shut-in, and his public presence really isn’t that much different once he starts getting involved in charities and public works. Hunched posture, barely audible mumbling, little to no eye contact- Gotham’s Prince is well known and well loved for how socially uncomfortable he is. He’s trying, bless his heart, and he really is making a difference, and that’s what matters. Everyone just accepts that anxiety and discomfort are part and parcel of who Bruce Wayne is.
Except it becomes very clear very quickly that Bruce Wayne is apparently anxiety ridden to the point of paradoxical fearlessness.
On the few occasions he has to interact with Gotham’s more dangerous (but powerful) individuals, Bruce shows zero extra fear. He interacts with Oswald Cobblepot with the same level of anxiety he has when interacting with a particularly chatty barista. Any time he’s informed of a threat that’s been made against him, he just responds with an awkward half shrug and a mumbled “okay” and then goes about his business like normal. Someone tried to shoot him in a crowd once but the gun misfired, and Bruce just shuffled away with the same urgency he has when leaving a long meeting. He got kidnapped once and spent the entire hostage video just looking tired.
To Bruce, these are expected things that he’s used to facing as Batman, so why would he be afraid of them? To everyone else, Bruce Wayne has such bad anxiety about EVERYTHING that he treats all interactions as equally threatening. It’s equal parts concerning and endearing. The memes about it are endless. Bruce’s cryptid status grows exponentially each time and all of Gotham is living for it
“Just string it together in any order, the more random it is the more complex it’ll sound" improvising music on the fly was one of Mozart’s party tricks
Not saying this guy is Mozart but he’s smart and clever and talented and way, way underappreciating himself
Bimbo qualities
babe wake up new flavor of imposter syndrome dropped
The only thing that’d be more potentially embarrassing than my internet history would be my calculator history, a chronicle of all the painfully simple math I couldn’t manage to do in my head.
finally saw batman. during the scene in the iceberg lounge my dad leaned over to me and said “club penguin” and then didnt look at me for the rest of the film
Battinson meeting Superman, because if anyone needs a sunshine alien it’s him.
—
Bruce, in full Batman mode, tracks Superman down and eventually finds him on a rooftop in Metropolis. He grapples up, perches himself on an A/C unit, and stares.
Clark, new to the Superman thing, just trying to enjoy a burger and fries after helping with a house fire: Um. Hi?
Bruce:
Clark: I’ve noticed you following me? You’re from Gotham. The Batman.
Bruce: *shines a flashlight at Clark’s food*
Clark: Yeah. It’s a cheeseburger and curly fries. Did you want some or…? Do you need help? Seems like you maybe need some help.
Bruce: *shines the light in Clark’s eyes*
Clark: Do you want to, um, talk or something?
Bruce:what are you
Clark: I’m Superman! :)
Bruce:alien?
Clark: How did you—
Bruce:I am a bat.
Clark: O-kay. So do you want to be friends or…?
Bruce:…
Clark: :)
Bruce: *launches himself off the side of the building*
—
Alfred: Good morning Bruce, how was patrol?
Bruce, rewatching the conversation with Clark on his computer:i think i made a friend today Alfred
*my henchmen wheel a large glass tank containing a tiny stingray into the room*
captive hero: aww!
me: QUIET! this is the deadliest ray known to man. one milli milli milligram of poison from its sting is enough to stop a grown man’s heart in under a minute! and he answers only to me! behold your DOOM!
stingray: *nudges my hand*
me, getting down on my knees in front of the tank so i can look him in the eyes: Mortimer, please. i’m trying to be intimidating here.
It’s five am. I can’t send this to every coworker I’ve ever had right now, so you get it instead
[image description: a Venn diagram. The two circles are labeled “Excel” as in the spreadsheet program, and “incel” as in involuntary celibate. In the middle where they overlap it reads “incorrectly assuming something is a date.” /end image description]
