#home depot

Lipstick:

Firecracker:

Mikey; did ya get my last text?

Luke; the spotify link to the home depot…?

Mikey; yea, i feel like i committed a war crime

Luke; you did

Mikey; it was on a playlist called inappropriate songs to play at a funeral

Luke; that feels like a grey area

Mikey; you’d be like ‘i don’t wanna be at work rn’

midrashic:

terulakimban:

fromchaostocosmos:

swindle94:

katy-l-wood:

chequerootlurks:

ailithnight:

dreaming-shark:

hotcommunist:

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

*releases pack of dads into home depot* go……be free

invasive species encroach on lesbian territory

This is a common misconception because they’re such similar environments, but you should be aware that dads are native to Home Depot, while lesbians are actually native to Lowe’s. At this point, however, both dads and lesbians have made themselves at home in both Home Depot and Lowe’s to the point that trying to separate them back into their original ranges would probably do more harm than good to the delicate ecosystem of large chain hardware stores.

A properly raised and socialized Dad will be perfectly comfortable cohabiting with Lesbians. Its not really “encroaching on another’s territory”. You wouldn’t say that about foxes in a forest that also homes bobcats, would you? No. It’s just two different species that have both evolved to live in similar/the same environment. As long as they recognize each other as equals, Dads and Lesbians are more than capable of cohabitation.

Now, if you were to release a pack of Lumberjacks into a Lowes or Home Depot, that’s where chaos will reign. Being adapted to a far harsher and more demanding environment, the Lumberjacks would simply push Dads and Lesbians both out and also consume far more than a sustainable amount of resources. It would be like releasing bears at a country club.

As a former timber-harvester… I feel this is potentially accurate in theory. But highly improbable in actuality.

Lumberjacks, like most megafauna species generally require more space than the average hardware store, even a big box store could provide. The misconception is that Lumberjacks are a social species because of how they often work and live together.

This is a matter of necessity, not preference, and a survival technique for thriving under the LogBoss.

A “pack” of Lumberjacks, if not under the environmental pressure of a LogBoss will naturally disperse until they each have a wide territory.

Lumberjacks rarely fight for territory.

One on one, a Lumberjack could drive out a Dad or Lesbian, however the latter tend to travel in social packs.

Lumberjacks will passively retreat on the presence of large numbers of people. Kind of like Sasquatch.

Getting a “pack” of Lumberjacks assembled would be hard enough unless they were forced into a Hardware Store by a LogBoss. In that case, they would already be in a heightened and potentially agitated state far above their natural behavior. This artificial scenario can be likened to a circus animal running amok. If it had been in the wild, the incident would not have occurred.

Free-roaming Lumberjacks are the cryptids of the Hardware ecosystem. They are surprisingly quiet and unobtrusive.

Please stop labeling Lumberjacks as dangerous roving social predators. They are intermediate level omnivores and remarkably peaceful unless threatened.

As a hardware store worker I can say that this is all 100% accurate.

now how in the FUCK am i supposed to leave tumblr when a god tier post like THIS is just is just waiting for me daily?!?!?!

question where does the “art student” or “DIYer” “crafter” or “soap maker” or “miniaturist“ etc. who has ventured into the store for supplies fall into the ecosystem/what is their impact of said ecosystem?

Most of the above are native to craft and hobby stores (art students, historically, are native to museums, but having been introduced to hobby stores, have found a niche for themselves and thrived), but all can be seen in hardware stores on occasion due to territorial overlap. They are generally low-impact, as they tend to stick to specific small areas and primarily utilize different resources. While a large group of any of them can be disruptive (art students, in particular, are known to travel in packs), in general, they are more likely to have territorial disputes with one another than with the local fauna. 

A point of clarity -“crafter” is a bit misleading; while it conjures a specific image, much like ‘fish’ or ‘reptile’ it actually covers a broad array of wildly disparate species, and in general, more descriptive nomenclature is preferred. Fiber artists in particular are a genus to watch out for, particularly in groups. Beware a roving pack of domesticated quilters. They fear nothing, will go anywhere, and due to their social nature, will often seek interaction from other species that thrive best in solitude. They are quite friendly, and will happily adopt members of other species; the concern is that their adoptees do not always wish to be adopted. 

#in search of taxonomic precision and peaceful coexistence(viawelkinalauda)

paper-backstab:

kuboe:

paper-backstab:

paper-backstab:

the smell of Home Depot is cathartic

fairies live in the lights & chandeliers section, gnomes live in the outdoor gardening department

Stop romanticizing home depot

pixies live in the paint aisle. fuck you

I met a guy while shopping at Home Depot with friends, and I bonded with him while looking at pots and sparkly things, and he ended up being my classmate’s brother! My classmate doesn’t have a brother.

Anyone need a new ship?

chargescenicunicorn:

wimblytunes:

backstageleft:

chargescenicunicorn:

unexpectedtexture:

chargescenicunicorn:

backstageleft:

chargescenicunicorn:

A new card for Techblr Against Humanity: 

Accidentally touching the layer of snot-like mold in a year old paint can

NNNNOOOOOO OH GOD

LET ME RECOUNT WITH TODAY’S TALE

We’re doing all our end of the year shop cleaning, as well as striking all the paint from the show we just finished. 

Some of these containers of paint that we have stashed under the paint table are ancient.

Today, I stuck my arm into a bucket that I thought was mostly water with some pigment in the bottom. Like I went in up to my elbow.

And then I realized it wasn’t water. 

It was mold. 

AAAAAAAGH! I’m so sorry that happened to you, that is the WOOORRRRRSSSTTT!

We had a can of Rosco Fire Red like that (because when the heck did we ever need fire red when we had bright red and orange) and the smells that would waft out of that thing when some poor unsuspecting new practicum student removed the lid would have personally offended a skunk.

Also leftover boiled drop starch. You think you might use more of the batch for a flat a couple days down the road or something. You won’t. It will sit there. Waiting. Fermenting. You will fear it. You know the stench that resides within. Eternal. Do not be like me. Pour that sucker OUT.  

My personal favorite is being made to open up old, dented, rusted cans that have their tops bulging juuuuuust a bit

Oh! another card!

The gut-wrenching terror that comes when a paint can hisses as you open it.

Man in college they made us use some of the old horrible paint to paint our projects with. We all had the worst smelling canvases ever. I somehow forgot about mine in a closet after I was done and when I was cleaning it out I almost threw up at the smell. 

For me it’s always the Flat Plastic Varnish. GODDAMN it’s swamp ass incarnate. When you have watered down sealers scattered to the wind and you open a sprayer that someone left behind and take a whiff expecting it to be water or maybe Ben Moore Low Lustre, and instead get knocked on your ass from the unadulterated ogre buttgas that you’ve unleashed.

On the other hand, I’ve also opened a can of Rosco Ultramarine that smelled, I shit you not, like Reese’s Puff Cereal. We all just sat there huffing it and getting breakfast cravings.

Aw man, PV is one of the worst offenders, and we use it with our super sats so almost everything has it in the mix somewhere. 

It’s always a pleasant surprise when the mold smells kinda okay. There was one I opened today that smelled like mint and another that was sort of like artificial strawberry

As a Home Depot paint associate who normally works with fresh paint, it’s really funny to read these stories from people who are seeing this stuff on the back end. 

However.

I’ve had my fair share of encounters with rotten paint, especially from customers who are trying to get me to match the old paint color (gosh, the stories I could tell about those dang dirty color matches). I swear that it’s always the big 5-gallon buckets that are the stinkers. Those old hardened plastic lids are super tough to pry off, and when you finally manage to wrench it open, the stink hits the whole paint pit so fast. I once had a line of customers behind this old guy waiting to order, and we opened it up to check the paint, and they all scattered – some of my co-workers among them! I guess they decided to come back later…

hey did you know purple shadows and the home depot theme have the same BPM and are in the same key

now you do :)