#im so drained

This is a poem I wrote a few months ago for my creative writing class. I’m working on my mental health and I’m trying to better it. It’s hard though.

Anyways tell me what you guys think :/

——————————————————————

LONE

Inspired by the song, Snow by XXXTentacion

The world is in black and white

My own brain is against me in a fight

I think too much and it ruins me

I’m looking for any chance to flee

What’s the point in living if you’re already dead

I couldn’t wait to grow up but now I feel so misled

I’m scared to face the problem so I run away

Weight on my shoulders while my heart decays

The only friend I have is the reaper himself

My life is deteriorating along with my mental health

The thought of happiness scares me, beyond and above

I use people with the intention of feeling loved

It never works, I end it, I tell them they did nothing wrong

I feel so sorry that I stringed them along

They become hurt and angry, I know it’s my fault

I always make sure that I’m locked in a vault

I surround myself with strong walls

Walking through life while I stumble and fall

I will always be alone and that will never change

For I am a lone wolf, venturing the cold mountain range.

——————————————————————

Final exam didn’t go too well at all but I’m alive and I made it.

My dog died 2 days ago and I’m still heartbroken.

Honestly, it feels so surreal knowing that I’m never going to see her again. 

I’ll never hear her barking at the birds whenever they’re hanging out on the lawn or at whatever neighbor’s cat that’s strolling along our fence.

When I step inside my house, I’m never going to see her rushing over to greet me. 

I’m never going to be able to take her on walks again.

Or pet her.

Or see her lie down by my feet in my room, while I’m watching tv or playing video games or doing homework.

I’m never going to be able to take her hiking like I had always wanted to, but never found the time to (now I’m really wish I had…)

It probably seems silly to some people to be feeling so emotional over a dog, but she wasn’t just a dog. She was basically family. She joined my family when when she was just a few weeks old. We basically raised her and I had some milestone years with her as well. To top it all off, she was going to turn 11 years old this month…

I know bigger dogs don’t live as long as smaller dogs, but I was really hoping I had at least a couple more years with her. With me moving back to my family home, since I graduate soon, I was looking forward to being home more often. Instead of having to go back and forth between two cities because of work and school.

I feel so bad because I feel like I didn’t have enough time with her. Like I said, the past few years, I was not consistently with her because of work and school. 

Now she’s gone and I’m never going to get that lost time back.