[masterlist in bio]
30 january 2020
a/n: i felt good about woo’s so pls at least read his,,,also members under the cut since this is so long oops

warning: implications of sex, vulgar language

s e o n g h w a ♡

• he finds it funny, really
• the fact that he’d spent so much time focusing on you and you only, had given up so much for you and you just took advantage of him like it was nothing
• it’s hilarious to him to look back on how fucking stupid he’d been to ignore the feeling in his gut and try to wait it out in hopes of his suspicions being false
• but of course, like everything else, it was too good to be true
• he’s been waiting for you to come home for a good few hours now
• you haven’t been answering your phone at all and god knows where you are at this hour
• and this isn’t the first time either. but seonghwa doesn’t like being by himself, so he always goes back to the dorms during these situations. and you know that
• but you don’t know this time he’s decided to wait, to see what’s really going on, if it’s really worth staying and trusting you
• when he finally hears the lock of the door clicking, he’s up against the counter in the kitchen with his arms folded over his chest that’s moving heavily up and down
• and it only gets worse when he hears not only you giggling, but also another voice he doesn’t recognize
• he harshly knocks down a chair on his way into the living room, storming all the way to the man whose neck you’ve attached your lips to, grabbing him by the collar and swinging his fist into his jaw as hard as he can
• kicking him a couple more times as he falls to the ground
• you’re terrified of what seonghwa’s going to do to him or what he’s going to do to you
• but there’s no point. he’s too much of a gentleman to ever lay a hand on you
• so all he does is scream and shout at you about how he shouldn’t have stayed, how dumb he was to believe your lies, how he should have been able to see right through you the whole time
• and he hopes you’re fucking happy with the douchebag bleeding on the floor and if you want to be with him so much take him and leave, your stuff will be outside in the morning
• after you’re gone, it’s hard for him to think. maybe it’s because he’s tired
• or he’s completely hopeless from losing the one thing that kept him sane
• but is now causing the worst pain he never thought he’d feel

h o n g j o o n g ♡

• he’s been too busy with work to notice how distant you’ve become the past few weeks
• and maybe it’s his own fault this happened since he hasn’t made time for you
• but he’s still hurt and heartbroken and it’s still not a good enough excuse to throw away everything he’s done for you
• hongjoong told you he’d be home before you go to bed, but he finds himself caught up in work again, losing track of time
• he curses at himself under his breath, haphazardly grabbing his things to get to you as quickly as possible
• he wants to make it up to you, he really does
• but the idea’s completely thrown out the window as he opens the door to find you on the couch with another man
• he stumbles in shock, not sure what to do or say
• all you do is give him a small look and stand up slowly, calmly beginning to speak as if you’ve been expecting this to happen
• it’s not that hongjoong doesn’t want to hear your explanation, just that he physically can’t
• his breathing and heartbeat are too fast to consider safe. his vision begins to blur, but he doesn’t know if it’s from tears or because he’s beginning to feel lightheaded
• heloved you. he gave you everything he could for you and you didn’t care
• he told you in the beginning time management would be difficult and if it was going to be a problem to talk to him
• you stepped on his heart and spit on it like he means nothing to you
• he doesn’t realize he’s been screaming or crying until his fist comes in contact with the wall. he also notices you haven’t said anything or tried to justify yourself at all
• he shakily turns his head in your direction but your eyes are somewhere else, arms folded over your chest and an almost-guilty look on your face
• and he looks at the boy he assumes is the one you’ve been with. he’s practically in the same stance as you, trying not to get caught up in everything
• the room feels hot. too hot for hongjoong to stay
• so he walks past you and begins to grab some things, thanking himself for never leaving too much at your place
• he leaves without another word. he wanted to tell you how much he fucking hates you, but then he’d be lying through his teeth
• you don’t deserve to be hated anyway, and he silently wishes you the best because all he’s every wanted is for you to be happy
• and if he can’t give it to you, he’s more than satisfied to let you find something else to take his place

y u n h o ♡

• maybe he should have listened to the guys all the times they’d told him they’d had a bad feeling about you from the beginning
• or maybe he should have just put in a little bit more effort, giving you more than you’d ever wanted
• but there’s no point in thinking about that now. it’s too late.
• he’ll never be able to describe the feeling of walking in on the love of his life with their legs wrapped around another man’s waist
• the man you said was nothing more than a coworker. the constant meet-ups for “work purposes” were clearly just quick fucks behind yunho’s back
• he’s angry, sure. that’s a given
• but he’s more confused and insecure and broken-down than anything
• what did he do wrong? what does this man give you that he doesn’t? did you ever really love him?
• tears are already streaming down his cheeks as he screams for the man to get the fuck out of his house
• but as soon as he’s gone, yunho goes quiet except for the sobs that escape his throat
• he wants to talk. to know what happened when. and he’s willing to give you another chance
• he knows he shouldn’t. he doesn’t want to think about what the guys would say about this
• but he loves you way too much to ever let you go like this
• his feelings for you could rival that of someone who was genuinely obsessed. a stalker, if you were willing to go that far
• he’s willing to do anything to keep you by his side. you two can move on together
• but when you tell him there’s no moving on, there’s nothing the world has to offer the two of you anymore
• he falls to the ground in pieces
• he’s crying so hard he barely makes any noise
• he can’t breathe. he’s shaking. he wants everything to stop
• he begs and begs and begs for you to stay. he can’t live without you
• yunho can barely hear your apology as you step around him and walk out in the direction of your new lover, leaving him on the floor alone with his demons
• he’d spend the next nights wondering what he did wrong
• what he could have done differently to have made you stay
• his body is completely drained of energy. every night he limps to the bed, alone, to cry himself to sleep
• ever so slightly hoping he doesn’t wake up

y e o s a n g ♡

• yeosang is a very attentive man. he should have been able to pick up on all the little things that would have led to this situation
• but you’re a very secretive person. good enough to keep it from him for however long this shit has been going on.
• it hurts that he found out through a friend. he doesn’t know if it would have been better for him to see it directly, but he’s still glad he didn’t.
• wooyoung had pulled him aside a few weeks ago to tell him that he’d seen you kissing someone he didn’t recognize. but yeosang didn’t want to believe it
• so he waited it out and paid close attention to your actions. he can’t really tell what’s different, but it doesn’t add up nonetheless
• and yeosang is not a confrontational person in the slightest
• so when he comes to you with a simultaneously angry and terrified look on his face, you already know you’re in shit
• he’s direct and straight to the point. not that you’d expect anything else from him
• “are you seeing someone else?”
  
• it doesn’t take a psychologist to recognize the way you tear your gaze away from him and try to hide the pure guilt on your face
• you don’t answer. so he repeats his question, but harsher and louder and more aggressive.
• “are you fucking cheating on me? fucking answer me, y/n!”
  
• he’s already zoned you out by the time you start spitting apologies from your lips
• he doesn’t understand what he did wrong
• he took care of you
• he dropped everything for you the second you called
• he put you before everything
• he’s been through absolute hell for you
• but you really took that for granted
• and the fact that you’ve had the audacity to tell him you love him? you’re a fucking liar
• yeosang doesn’t hate many things, but liars definitely top the list
• but he’s never really encountered liars like you. nobody’s ever gone that far to rip his heart out and stomp on it
• so he doesn’t know what else to do other than run out of the apartment and let his legs carry him as far as they can take him
• he doesn’t know where he’s going
• he can’t tell if he’s crying or if the cold wind is making his eyes water
• but as long as he can get as far away from you as he possibly can, it doesn’t really matter at the moment.

s a n ♡

• though san is one of the members to fall the hardest, he’s attentive and mature enough to know when things aren’t going as well as they used to be
  
• he’s noticed you’ve been a bit more distant lately
• you’ve been on your phone a lot and have been staying out later
• and more often you have excuses to not spend time with him, so of course he already has his suspicions
• but he’s been terrified of saying or doing something in fear of being wrong and damaging your trust
• until now, a little past two-thirty in the morning when you get a text from a name he’s noticed on your phone before
• and you must have not been smart enough to change your passcode, he thinks as he opens the message to find pictures of you he’s never seen even though he’s the only one who should have
• his blood begins to boil, but not as much as it would have had he not already figured you’ve been doing things behind his back
• he quietly slips out of bed so as not to wake you up, but the action is completely pointless once he picks up your phone and hurls it at the farthest wall as hard as he possibly can, a loud grunt escaping his throat
• your body shoots up, confused as to what san is making such noise for
• but it clicks when you flick the light on and see san’s stance
• his hands are balled into fists so tight his knuckles are white, his face red and scrunched up in anger
• there are darkness and betrayal clear in his eyes, almost making you scared of what he’s going to do
• there’s a lot of things he wants to do, but all he can is yell and let his emotions out
• how he shouldn’t have let this played out so long
• how he believed you when you told him you loved him and no one else
• he screams for you to get out, but the only direction you move in is towards him in an attempt to convince him to let you stay
• all you did was make it worse. you don’t deserve to stay
• he picks up the framed picture of the two of you and throws it the same way he did your phone, finally causing you to leave
• he doesn’t care if you don’t have your stuff or if he’s sending you on your own in the middle of the night. you don’t matter to him now
• you could get hit by a car for all he cares, and he’d think you deserved it
• all that matters is that he’s finally gotten everything taken care of and never has to see you again

m i n g i ♡

• unless there’s been a fight between the two of you, it’s rare that mingi’s in a bad mood when you’re around him, even if he’s had the literal shittiest day in all of human history
• you’re the first person he goes to when he needs someone to lean on or listen to him rant about everything on his mind
• you don’t even have to do anything to make him feel better. just the thought of you makes his heart beat faster with pure love and gratefulness that he found you
• so it’s really unexpected when you, the sole person he’s willing to give up his life for, do the exact opposite of what you normally do
• today wasn’t a particularly stressful one, but he’s still dying to lie in your arms and listen to the soft thumping of your heart right now
• he goes to make his way to your shared bedroom, already walking a bit slowly from being so worn out from practice
• but all of his movements cease–including his breathing and probably his heartbeat, too–when he takes his first steps into the hallway
• there you are, pinned up against the wall by somebody he recognizes to be “just a friend” from a while back
• he notices how you scramble away from your partner when you realize he’s standing there, so you do know that what you’re doing is wrong
• so why are you still doing it?
• he has so many emotions right now he doesn’t even know how he’s feeling
• but it absolutely tears him up inside
• did you ever really love him? was he just a toy to you?
  
• he’s useless. of course it was too good to be true. nobody could ever love him. he was stupid to think that you shared the same feelings he had for you
• the other man’s already left the house by now. i’ll stop by later, he said. it just made the situation worse.
  
• he’s rambling and he’s crying and he’s bumping into things trying to back away from you
• don’t fucking touch him. he wants to say it. he tries, but the words get caught between sobs in his throat
• it feels almost as if he’s dreaming. it’s what he wants to believe, anyway. so he doesn’t bother stopping you when you wrap your arms around his body and pull his head into your chest, dropping to your knees on the floor where he sits now
• he lets you cradle him even though he knows you shouldn’t. he’s so, so confused.
• it’s a hard debate in his head, whether or not to leave
• he loves you way too much to ever even think of letting you go
• maybe, he thinks, there’s a solution. everyone deserves a second chance, right…?

w o o y o u n g ♡

• wooyoung is someone who falls in love easily. and when he does, the feelings are extremely strong to where it takes a lot to let go
  
• he forgives and forgives because he loves you so much and he’s given you his entire soul to take care of
• but never has he expected you’d crush it just like that
• a few hours ago, he texted you to let you know he’s coming home early
• he didn’t get a reply, so he assumed you were busy or simply taking a nap
• god, how he wishes that were the case
• he gently closes the door and sets his bags down before padding to the bedroom, trying to be quiet just in case you’re asleep
• it’s only now that he hears sounds that definitely don’t sound like snores
• sounds that definitely aren’t coming from you
• the feeling of his heartbeat pounding against his ribcage is almost terrifying when met with his hands shaking without rhythm
• he prays you’re just watching a video and you’re by yourself and he can just walk in and take care of you
• but when he opens the door, he’s greeted with the sight of you on your knees with hands that aren’t his in your hair
• he’s flooded with so many emotions—anger, fear, heartbreak—that he doesn’t even notice your partner scrambling to pull his pants up or you walking closer with your hands out, struggling to find an explanation
• tears completely blur his vision as he tries to back away from you, not yet knowing what to say or do
• but his mind takes over and his voice gets loud, slamming his fist against the doorframe, screaming for the two of you to get out and never come back
• he screams and punches his fist against the wall, not caring if you can hear from outside and not stopping until blood is visibly dripping from his knuckles down his forearm
• he’s angry at himself for not being so naïve, angry at you for taking advantage of him, angry at god for allowing something so terrible to happen to him
• and the anger fizzles into sorrow, and the sorrow fizzes into hopelessness
• and all he can do from here is curl against the wall and cry until his head pounds at the tempo of his broken heart

j o n g h o ♡

• it all began when you started calling someone’s name in your sleep. a name that wasn’t jongho’s.
• he didn’t know who he assumed it to be, but he tried not to think too much of it
• he should have, though
• the last time he hears you call that name, you’re not asleep
• you’re lying on the couch, yes, but you’re just as awake as he is
• his first reaction is shocked. this was not what he expected to come home to. hell, he didn’t even know you were gonna be here, let alone cheat on him
• his second reaction is angry. he’s fucking pissed at the person whose was sitting between your legs moments ago, a place jongho thought was reserved for him and him only. who is he to think he has the same rights?
• then he’s pissed at you. who the fuck do you think you are, letting some stranger go down on you on the same couch you sat with your boyfriend just last night, telling him you loved him?
• then he’s pissed at himself. he should have known better. he didn’t see any signs, but he should have picked up on them. they had to have been there
• the way his brows furrow and his nose scrunches puts a terrifying expression on his face. you’ve never seen him like this, and it was probably for the best
• he tells the man simply to get the fuck out. when he doesn’t do it quick enough, jongho grabs him up by the collar and knocks his fist square into his jaw before practically throwing him out the door and slamming it shut hard enough for a nearby picture to fall off of the wall
• his third reaction is denial. he’s shaking when he turns back around to you. he begs you to tell him it’s all a dream. tell him it’s just some sick prank and none of this ever really happened and everything can go back to how it was yesterday
• it breaks your heart to see the rivers already streaming endlessly down his cheeks
• his last sliver of hope disappears, however, when you only respond with apologies. you can’t even think of an excuse to give him. he would find that funny if he weren’t in this current situation
• his final reaction his heartbreak. there’s no going back. how long has this been going on? he wonders. but he doesn’t bother to ask
• he turns just enough to be able to punch the wall hard enough to leave a hole before plodding past you to the bedroom, not even sparing a glance at you
• “i want all your shit out of here by the time i wake up.” it’s not a suggestion, even with the lack of authority in his voice. he sounds so drained, so helpless, so broken inside.
  
• he doesn’t know why he’s lying in bed. he’s not tired. he can’t sleep
• all it does is remind him of you. but it’s a good place to cry, he supposes. locked out from the world. just him, himself, and he. nobody else.
• especially not you

Work In Progress List

My previous work in progress link isn’t working (?) so here is a new updated one.

Current Voyages

Back Stage Drama - jealous!serim, Allen'sBestfriend!reader

Exhausted - jeongwoo

Newly Discovered Galaxies

Previously Discovered Anomalys

☄️

In Progress

These are all of the works that I am currently working in, asks are put in the order that they are received so if your ask isn’t on this list I just might not have started working on it yet. If you have any questions or concerns about your ask you are always free to message me or ask me anonymously. The summaries and titles are not always the official titles, they may change

Requests

Seventeen

Cravity

→Jealous!Serim (ip)

NCT

→Bad Mouth : gym rat readerxshota (scripting)

Treasure

Enhypen

For Fun

Sneak Peak

I have been writing still I didn’t just post my fluff stuff and disappear. My next work is a smut one shot with Haechan based off of a daydream I had while at work. Hope you enjoy the first two sentences and I’ll be posting it hopefully sometime this weekend.

“I’m sorry.” Hands came to cup your cheeks, gently wiping the tears that fell. Eyes staring at you, guilt shining through knowing their actions were the cause. His actions were the reason you were crying. Pressing a kiss to your cheek, more following as he trails down your jaw before finally catching your lips.

All this because he got caught slandering you. A video clip that your interviewers maliciously showed you, waiting for you to burst into tears as you listened to the audio. Words that you can still hear perfectly.

Confess (it’s easy)

Idol: Kim Taeyoung

Genre: Fluff, (Small) Angst, Confessions

Word Count: 3k+

Synopsis: Love is supposed to be easy right? It’s not.

This is the story of Taeyoung falling in love.

Warnings: Fuck is used.

Meeting Taeyoung was purely by chance, on an afternoon where rain was imminent. A stormy gray sky above that threatened to open at any moment.

You were antsy, warily glancing up every few steps. Know that your  important documents were being sheltered in the thin weathered backpack that you’ve owned for years, one that surely wouldn’t withstand more than a couple drops of water. Taeyoung - who was walking the next street over - wasn’t worried at all, opting to keep his chin tilted to the sky. Seongmin’s word nothing more than a faint droning in his ears.

“You’re not even listening to me.” Indignant whining pulled Taeyoung from his thoughts, finally making him turn his attention towards the younger boy, who was now pouting angrily. “What could possibly be more important than our fanmeet?” Shrugging his shoulders Taeyoung sent back an apologetic smile, before turning his face once more to the sky.

“It’s gonna rain.” This statement caused Seongmin to rant about the importance of their fans, a rant that Taeyoung had heard so many times that he no longer bothered by it. He couldn’t explain the feeling he had, like something was going to happen. “Seongmin I’m sorry, but can’t you feel it?” A weird look was all he got in return.

“Hyung, are you alright? We can head back to the dorms if you’d like, Serim wouldn’t make you practice if you aren’t well.” Sighing, Taeyoung reluctantly shook his head before stopping.

“It’s not that. It feels like something’s going to happen. You’re telling me you don’t feel it at all?”

“You’re acting weird. I’m going to the studio, I’ll just tell Serim you’re not feeling well.” With a salute Seongmin turned on his heel, hurrying down the street to not be late, leaving Taeyoung standing in the middle of the sidewalk. Taeyoung couldn’t shake this feeling. Maybe he should head back to the dorm?

Glancing at the sky a drop of rain hit his cheek, causing him to blink incredulously. Perfect.

Around the corner you held out your hand, worrying your bottom lip between your teeth, watching as another drop of rain hit your palm. Fuck.

On cue with your revelation the sky opened above, soft drops of rain becoming a torrent in a matter of minutes. Breaking into a sprint you prayed that your papers would be safe. You were so close to your apartment, relief flooding you as your street’s sign.

Short lived relief as you turned the corner and ran into somebody. Reflexively your eyes shut, waiting to make contact with the hard concrete. Shocked was an understatement when you felt yourself make contact with someone’s chest, an arm wrapped around your waist keeping you pressed firmly against them. Slowly opening your eyes you were met with the sight of soaked hair and warm brown eyes, accompanied by the sweetest smile you’d ever seen. “You okay?”

“I’m fine, thank you.” His boyish grin only grew at your response, and you felt captivated. The feeling was mutual as he looked down at you, the street light doing little to mask your beauty, and he felt himself pulling you imperceptibly closer. That broke you from his spell, realizing that both of you were standing in the middle of a storm. Grabbing his arm you pulled him into your building’s lobby.

It wasn’t until you reached your apartment that you realized you’d practically kidnapped this stranger, who in his defense was just along for the ride. Turning around on your heels, you started sputtering out an excuse, a bunch of ‘i’m sorrys’ and ‘didn’t mean to just kidnap you’. “I don’t even know your name and I’ve practically snatched you from the street.”

“Taeyoung.”

“Excuse me.” That same boyish grin came back and you felt heat rise to your cheeks.

“My name is Taeyoung.”

A chance encounter that led to love at first sight. At least, on Taeyoung’s behalf.

That was over a year ago and now you were inseparable. Taeyoung doesn’t know how he survived without you in his life. You’ve become a crucial part in his life, intertwined so tightly it’s like you’ve always been there. The tiger stuffed animal resting at the head of his bed, one of many birthday gifts you’ve given him, your hoodies hanging in his closet, pictures from your first time visiting the photo booth stuck to his mirror while a drawing is taped to his walls. Every part of him has been touched by you, and his room is only a mirror of that.

Taeyoung can only hope it’s the same as you, that the hoodies he’s snuck into your closet remind you of him whenever he’s busy. Hope that you smile everytime you look at the purple bunny placed carefully on your dresser, remembering just how hard he worked to win it for you. Only hope that he affects you the same way.

Hope that you love him the same way he loves you.

Even now, he should be thinking about the cake you’re getting ready to bake, but all he can do is watch in awe as you walk around the kitchen, humming a song - Sunrise, your favorite song from his group - gathering the ingredients and placing them on the island. Mesmerized as you brush stray hair off of your forehead, a focused look on your face as your eyebrows furrowed, counting all of the ingredients and fidgeting with your necklace. A lock necklace, matching the key chain that Taeyoung had tucked underneath of his shirt.

“I think that’s everything? Are you ready?” Pushing himself away from the counter, Taeyoung walked closer, looking over the ingredients. “I’m so happy I finally convinced you to bake with me.”

Wonder if you knew how dangerous your smile was, especially aimed at Taeyoung like that.

“Yea, yea. I’m gonna be the one baking anyway. Last time you tried, you set the fire alarm off at 1 am.” Truthfully, Taeyoung liked you begging for his attention, it made him feel wanted. Made him feel like you might return his feelings. A pout formed on your lips as you grabbed the flour, carefully measuring it.

“Not like you’re any better. You forgot the water in your microwavable noodles.” Taeyoung’s face heated, before he mumbled something along the lines of ‘it was an accident’. Both of you worked in relative silence, despite Taeyoung’s hassling you worked in perfect unison, handing Taeyoung the eggs to crack into the dry ingredients, overcompensating for the extreme amount of vanilla that Taeyoung added, handing the mixing bowl to Taeyoung after the batter became too thick for you to continue mixing easily. It took two pans and a lot of paper towels before both of your cakes were safely in the oven, settled on the middle rack. It took thirty minutes for the cakes to finish baking, cracked only a little on the top, placed on top of the oven to cool enough for you to decorate them.

It took only thirty seconds for Taeyoung to think of something to do while you waited, and another five for Taeyoung to reach into the bag of flour before grabbing your face, leaving two almost perfect hand prints on each cheek. Giggling, Taeyoung backed up, a cheeky smile on his face as he admired his work. Grabbing some flour, you threw it at Taeyoung, laughing as it settled on his hair, making him look as if snow had been sprinkled on him. Both of you couldn’t help but continue to toss flour at each other, under the guise of defending yourself, the sounds of your laughter filling the kitchen while your hair and clothes became coated with flour.

“Let’s call a truce.” Raising both hands, you looked around the kitchen. The floor was absolutely covered with flour, along with the kitchen island that you’d been using as a shield. “We need to clean up before we ice the cakes.”

“Truce.” Cleaning turned out to be futile, the icing ended up everywhere as a result of you mindlessly placing your spatula on the counter instead of the cutting board, or touching the other ingredients without realizing that the sticky purple icing was covering your hands.  Taeyoung was no help either, continuously eating the icing in between coating the top of his cake with sprinkles and candies, causing his lips and somehow also his cheek to be covered with light yellow.

“How are you such a messy eater? You have icing everywhere.” Wetting a paper towel you grabbed Taeyoung’s chin, turning his face down towards you.

“Why should I be neat? I know you’ll always clean it up for me.” Rolling your eyes, you chose to ignore his taunting, opting to wipe his cheeks. Once you were positive the icing was gone off of both cheeks, you turned his head back, carefully wiping the dark purple icing from around his lips, absentmindedly brushing your thumb over his bottom lip. Glancing up at him, you saw his eyes were wide and a blush was spreading over his cheeks. Realizing just how close you were, you glanced down, realizing that you were still holding his chin, keeping him in place and keeping his lips only a few inches away from yours.

You wouldn’t even have to properly lean forward, Taeyoung would just have to lean down. Which is exactly what he did, placing his hand on the back of your neck and pulling you towards him.

You were never one for cliches, but that’s the only way to describe how you felt. Eyes fluttering shut when your lips pressed together, grabbing his hoodie and keeping him pressed against you. Everything about this kiss felt right, the way your lips fit together perfectly as if you were molded just to be Taeyoung’s other half, the way he kissed you the exact same way he treated you, gently as his hand moved to cup your jaw, keeping you in place, but with a determination behind it as he licked over your bottom lip, and you separated them happily. Once the need for air became too hard to ignore you pulled with a sigh.

Opening your eyes you were met with the Taeyoung’s shocked expression, releasing you as if you burned him, putting space between the both of you. The pout that formed on your lips as Taeyoung pulled away tempted him to apologize, mutter endless sorry’s before pulling you back towards him and kissing it away, but that’s what got him into this mess. Kissing you.

“I gotta go.” Rushing out of the kitchen, Taeyoung grabbed his shoes and slipped out of your apartment. Leaving you rooted to your spot, flour and icing covering your kitchen counter, two half decorated cakes sitting on the counter, along with the ray of sprinkles and candies. Filled with emotions that you can’t comprehend except for two.

Confusion and heartbreak.

★

Four weeks passed and you’ve yet to hear from Taeyoung. The first few days you waited for him to text you, keeping your phone close and reacting quickly every time your phone pinged. That hope you felt at every notification, praying that it was Taeyoung, died down as days bled into weeks. It hit  you, somewhere along the second week that Taeyoung wasn’t going to contact you. This realization caused your already frayed emotions to go haywire, causing you to climb into your bed, wrap your coziest blanket around yourself and cry, trying to ignore the way your heart clenched painfully everytime you thought about Taeyoung.

Minhee was the one who realized something happened - seeing Taeyoung’s red rimmed eyes at practice he easily put two and two together - and spontaneously popped up at your apartment with Jungmo, who held a tub of your favorite icecream - Taeyoung had told them specifically which one to buy - along with takeout. Every day Minhee came back, accompanied by Jungmo or Woobin, sitting in your desk chair for hours, listening patiently as you vented. Minhee was truly the one who helped you realize your feelings.

“I think I like him? When he kissed me it felt like everything fell into place,” falling back against the bed with a sigh you held the stuffed bunny closer to your chest, feeling melancholy at your nth venting session this week. “Every time I think of him my chest hurts, and my stomach makes me feel as if I’m going to vomit. It hurts so badly, and I just wish I knew for sure.”

Running his fingers through his hair, Jungmo shared a look with Minhee, one that you were oblivious to. Downturned eyebrows as they talk without using words. Minhee was the one who opened his mouth, “You’re in love with Taeyoung, you have been for months. You’re heartbroken because you love him.”

“I love him?” Those three words had a lightbulb going off, along with glancing over at Minhee and seeing the expression on his face, one full of pity that you knew he was serious. “Oh my god, I love Taeyoung.”

Your admittance had you sitting up in your bed, plushie falling to the floor. It explained so much. How you couldn’t help but steal glances whenever you were alone, all of the candid photos that you took under the guise of taking them for fans, looking at them long after Taeyoung had left your side. How your heart continuously skipped whenever he grabbed your hand or cuddled up close to you, staring at you with his sweet smile. Everytime you fight the temptation to lean in, opting to ruffle his hair or tease him to get him to stop looking at you. Scared that he’d notice how you’d stared at him as if he hung the moon and the stars. Scared that he’d see just how deep your emotions ran.

That he’d realize you loved him and leave. Exactly like he’d done.

★

Taeyoung regrets what he did, his stupid fucking decisions ruined your friendship. He knows he can’t take back the kiss - there’s no in hell he would either, it was a dream come true - but he wishes he could take back his reaction. The confusion on your face that melted into a pout when he turned to run from the kitchen haunts him. He wishes he would’ve just pulled you into his arms, kissed the pout right off of your lips and confessed. Admit that he’s been in love with you, but he panicked. Resulting in him making the worst possible decision, and now? He’s scared. How he could resist you, especially when you were so close, looking at him as if you wanted him to. Pressing his face further into the pillow Taeyoung wondered what would happen if you truly just left him, curling into himself further at that thought. Serim and Allen were merely there, Allen sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing Taeyoung’s back, while Serim continued to dispute all your negative claims and offer advice.

That he refused to take.

“You need to just talk to her. Don’t you want to apologize at least?” Solid piece of advice that Taeyoung had already attempted. No text he wrote sounded good enough.

“I’ve tried, but they deserve better than a simple text.” Shaking his head, Taeyoung fought the urge to scream. His hyungs meant well, but all of their advice were basic things he’d already thought of. Text her as if nothing happened? That just makes him look like a jerk that doesn’t care. Apologize? No text apology is good enough for what he did, and it looks like he made no effort to contact you after running out. “I ruined our friendship and then ghosted them for a month. How could I possibly even start to apologize for that?”

“How’d you ruin your friendship? Are we missing something?” With a deep groan Taeyoung looked up from his pillow, staring at his headboard, catching a glimpse of his chain wrapped around the corner, the key hanging mockingly knowing that you have the matching lock.

“I kissed them. I forced them to kiss me.” Covering his face, Taeyoung swallowed the lump in his throat that was progressively growing the longer he thought about it. Another exasperated look shared between the two. They’ve heard enough about this, Taeyoung holding your neck and jaw, ‘forcing’ you to kiss him. Allen decided to chime in, hoping he could finally get through as the voice of reason.

“I’ve met them only a couple times, but aren’t they the ones with great boundaries? Like, refusing to hug you if they don’t want to, and only cuddling up to you when they feel like it. And you allow them to do this. Why?”

“I care about them, why wouldn’t I? I don’t ever want to disrespect them.”

“Why would they allow you to kiss them?” Allen watched as the realization finally hit Taeyoung who turned around, staring at them shocked. Why would you let him? He’d never gotten away with pushing your boundaries, even when you were mere strangers. You wanted to kiss him? Thinking back to that day Taeyoung recognizes you weren’t confused because of the kiss, you were confused he backed away from you. When his eyes first opened you were smiling, lips upturned at the corner before your eyes opened,  crinkling at the corner to match.

“They wanted to kiss me.” He took no time to process his hyung’s expressions, both filled with gratitude at him getting it, and frustration due to the long process. “I gotta go.” Standing up, Taeyoung rushed out of his room. Both listened as the dorm door shut shortly afterwards.

“We should be getting paid for this.”

★

While Taeyoung ran to your apartment, in too much of a rush to wait for a manager or Uber to drive him, Minhee comforted you. Holding you as you cried and spoke your fears of Taeyoung leaving because he realized you love him, that you lost your best-friend due to one simple mistake.

If Minhee didn’t know Taeyoung was already suffering and more concerned with comforting you he would’ve left your apartment, giving Taeyoung a piece of his mind before dragging him back, forcing him to apologize. Taeyoung was his groupmate, and he loved him like a brother, but you didn’t deserve this. In the middle of your venting the doorbell rang. Wiping your face Minhee left, prepared to brush off whoever was there. His shock when Taeyoung was the one standing there was astounding.

“What are you doing here?” Taeyoung beat Minhee to the punch. Walking into the hallway Minhee flicked Taeyoung, unable to control himself and feeling satisfied when the younger grabbed his forehead.

“Exactly what I wanna ask you. Whatever you’re doing, you need to know that you hurt them. Badly. I’m here having to act as a makeshift best-friend because you disappeared on them. You need to make this better.” Taeyoung at least had the nerve to look guilty, being scolded by Minhee was something that he hadn’t expected, but he deserved it.

“That’s what I’m here for. Can I talk to them?” Sighing Minhee opened the door, waving him in. Before Taeyoung walked inside Minhee grabbed his shoulder, squeezing it uncomfortably tight.

“Make it better.” A simple nod and Minhee was releasing him, letting him go, watching as he rushed into your apartment. Taeyoung felt jealousy bubble inside him hearing you call out Minhee’s name but once you turned the corner he felt like he was punched in the gut. Tears stained your cheeks, eyes red and puffy as you turned to look at him. Eyes that went wide at the sight of him, lower lip beginning to wobble. Rushing over to you, Taeyoung cupped your cheeks, wiping your tears away and muttering apologies.

“I’m sorry, I can’t say it enough. I didn’t mean to leave you, I panicked. I should’ve just told you that I love you cause I do, I think I’ve been in love with you since I met you. I was scared that I ruined our friendship, and overstepped your boundaries that I ran. Fear kept me away from you, and no apology that I tried to write was good enough for you. I’m in love with you, and I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t in my life.” Fresh tears running down your cheeks silenced him, his blood running cold at the thought of you rejecting him, especially now that his heart is on the line.

“Shut up.” Taeyoung’s eyes widened as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him down enough so that you could easily kiss him. If the first kiss felt cliche, this one felt like coming home after a long day of work, comforting in the best way as his arms dropped to your waist, holding you close. It only lasted a few seconds, but it was enough as both of you pulled away, love sick smiles on your face as you grabbed his arm, pulling him towards the living room and collapsing on the couch, curling yourself up on top of him, laying your head on his chest.

Looking up towards him you pressed one last kiss to his lips, muttering “I love you too” against his lips.

Maybe loving was easier than breathing. Something that helped you wake up in the morning before a busy day, continuously giving him a reason to fight, dance harder and perform a little better. It was encouraging texts when you were too busy to see each other, the code to your apartment that he had memorized, sliding into your bed after a long day and being able to wrap an arm around your waist, pulling you close to him.

It was the same thing that made him stop and smile whenever he looked at you, eyes revealing the love he held for you. What made it hard for him to fight the urge, leaning in and pressing a kiss to your cheek while you continued to happily point at the animals at the zoo, ignoring the sound of cameras flashing and the lecture he was sure to get when articles were released about the public display of affection.

It was worth it though, as long as he was allowed to love you.

♥︎

Hey Everybody,

I was completely overwhelmed with the number of requests and type of requests that I was getting so as of now I have deleted all of my previously received requests. However, not every request is completely gone, I have a request for Niki, Treasure’s Doyoung, and Yuta that I am not giving up on just yet, I just haven’t been able to properly brainstorm for those. Requests will be different.

1. Requests are open for every group but I will only be accepting a certain number of requests for each group. If you want a request for a group that is not on my master list check out my bias list, those are groups/soloists that I am comfortable with writing about.

2. Smut requests will not be accepted if they are anon. With this, I will not be posting the ask as to keep whoever sent it private, this is so if any part of the ask is confusing or conflicting I can easily just message you and check with you about it.

3. Asks need to have a member, and a slight plan. Requests such as ‘Yuta having sex with ex’ will be deleted. I love that you trust me to give you something good with such little information but less information that I have for the request the harder it is for me to write.

4. My usual request rules still go, and if you have any questions or concerns about what I will or will not write check out my Kink and Angst link as those have my hard stops and what I am okay with them.

Thank you for being patient with me guys, so sorry for the wait and my hiatus I just needed to get my thoughts together and this is the next step for my page. Thanks for sticking with me

Goddess! Yoohyeon - My Universe

A/N: Hi guys, girls, and non-binary pearls! I wish you all the best for whatever you chose to do today. (Also, this fic is Attempt No. 2 of trying to break @kingmaker-a after he tormented my heart with one of his fics. :] Does it pale in comparison? Definitely. But I’m gonna hit a nerve eventually.)

If you like fics like this (or if you’re looking for some fluffier content after crying), please consider checking out my Masterlist!

TW: Angst (of course), implied abandonment and/or break-up (?), car crash, more angst, hospitals, near-death experience, Yoohyeon is the literal embodiment of death, did I mention angst?

I’d trade every star and constellation in the sky for another chance with you.

The night sky burns brightly with its glamorous display of stars in the sky. You can’t help but stare at the dazzling spectacle that has appeared before your eyes.

Every star shines brightly in the sky, but the shining star of your life is nowhere to be seen.

Why did you leave me alone? You’re all I can think about every day and night. 

Every time you leave your house, the wind whispers the name of a woman who left you for the universe. Every passing figure takes her divine shape, and her voice rings into your ear when you look at the moon.

I loved you more than I’ve ever loved before. Why can’t you just stay with me for one more night?

You bite your lip as a familiar tear rolls down your cheek. You sniffle as the tears flow freely.

You saved the universe, but you couldn’t stay in my universe.

~

Yoohyeon stares at you from her golden throne in the sky. She observes your every breath as she eagerly waits for you to join her.

You’ll be with me soon, my dear. Just be patient and enjoy your life.

Days feel like mere minutes in Yoohyeon’s life. She’s been watching you ever since she had to leave your side.

It hurts her to think that she has to be the one to cut your life short. Being the Goddess of Death could reap some fortunes, but all Yoohyeon wanted to do was cradle you in her arms.

The day has come, and she watches and waits.

I’ll be there, Y/N, right when you need memost.

~

It all happened so fast. Is this really the end for me?

You remember blinding lights, an immense pain in your head, and someone calling your name. 

All of that has passed as numbness washes over you. You can only sit and stare as your family and friends cry over your mortal body as you lifelessly sleep in a hospital bed.

They don’t know that I won’t wake up again, do they?

“Y/N!” A voice calls out from above you.

“Yoohyeon?” You question as her familiar form comes into view.

“Yeah, it’s me. How have you been?” She asks as a warm smile spreads across her face.

“I don’t know, Yoohyeon, I just died.” You sigh as your gaze refocuses on your body.

I can’t leave them alone. My family and friends deserve more time with me.

Yoohyeon offers you her hand. “It’s time to go, Y/N.” 

“No.” You shake your head at her. “I want to stay.”

“Y/N, don’t make me-”

“You don’t scare me anymore. Your threats are empty, just like your love.” You hiss at her while fighting back tears.

“Baby, I’m sorry.” Yoohyeon mumbles with a guilty look on her face.

“I would’ve accepted your apology if I was crying over you like I was years ago. Things change, Yoohyeon. I want to stay.” You insist.

Yoohyeon quietly looks at the floor before speaking,

“Fine.” Yoohyeon waves her hand as you disappear from her sight. “Don’t say that I never did anything for you.”

You wake up in the arms of your loved ones as Yoohyeon disappears from your sight.

‘Til we meet again, Yooh.

Take Me Away (TMA): JiU’s Shattered Ending - Repent Your Sins

A/N: Hope everyone’s having a great week! I know I am, and I hope that my good vibes can become your good vibes too.

If you’re looking for a good place to start or get caught up, then you should check out the Series Masterlist!

TW: Religion, religious themes, jail, running away

You take the garnet necklace into your hands before placing it around your neck.

JiU’s warmth and kindness has stayed in my head from the moment I left her. She did make a mistake, but it was a mistake that anyone would’ve made at that moment. I can’t wait to see her again. Even though it’s been a few days, it feels like it’s been ages since I saw her last.

You climb into bed as you recall more… interestingmemories of you and JiU to occupy your mind as you fall asleep.

~

You wake up as a familiar chill runs over your body. The darkness that surrounds you makes it impossible for you to identify your surroundings. You try to get up, but you’re chained to the ground.

Am I in the jail cell? Is this the day before my execution?

You simply sit in the darkness as you try to form a plan of sorts.

Is there anything I can cut these chains with? That’s a stupid question; of course there isn’t!

You can hear soft footsteps approach the jail cell, and you’re quiet as you see a bit of light enter the hallway.

Who’s coming this way?

You can identify a woman’s shadow in the light, but you aren’t able to make out the figure until she comes into your line of sight.

JiU!

“JiU!” You whisper yell as her head whips towards you.

“Y/N!”

JiU nearly drops the large candle in her hand while fishing something out of her pocket. She triumphantly holds the key in her hand before unlocking your jail cell.

“I missed you.” You say as she sets the candle down next to you.

JiU grabs the chain before using the same key to free you.

“I know.” 

You give her a big hug before JiU grabs her candle from the floor.

“Let’s go. We don’t have much time.” 

JiU gestures for you to follow her as she navigates through the dark hallway.

“Where are we going, exactly?” You ask.

“I’m not sure, but it’ll be someplace where you and I can live happily without fear.” JiU confidently states as you reach the door.

Freedom!

“That doesn’t sound like an awful plan.” You mumble as you both exit the jailhouse.

JiU blows out the candle before setting it on the ground. She looks into the forest ahead before offering you her hand.

“Are you ready to start a new story?”

You laugh before taking her hand.

“You bet!”

Take Me Away (TMA): Yoohyeon’s Shattered Ending - Shooting Stars Fade Fast

A/N: Ah, the angst train continues with another Shattered Ending! I hope you all are enjoying all of these different endings. (Also, DC got their first win today and I’m literally so proud of them and all of the hard work Insomnias have done to support them. It’s been a long time coming. )

If you’re looking for a place to start reading Take Me Away, or if you need to get caught up on a chapter or two, then you should check out my Series Masterlist!

TW: Angst ending, arguments, failures

You admire the sapphire brooch before snatching it from the box.

I think that Yoohyeon deserves a second chance. We all make mistakes; that’s what makes us human. I think that we could get over this and try again. I may still need time to heal but I need to do so in that world.

You snuggle into your bed as a calm sleep begins to fall over you.

~

You wake in a familiar home as you begin to prepare yourself to film more scenes of the movie. You’re barely able to get dressed before someone knocks on your door.

“Hey, you’ve got to make a TV appearance soon! After that colossal failure of a film, we need to get you back on track.” Your agent says before you hear them leave.

Did the film not do well? I thought that it would do well due to mine and Yoohyeon’s chemistry.

You shrug before getting ready for the interview.

I wonder what Yoohyeon is doing now. Is she alive and well? She must be, otherwise the movie would’ve halted production.

You quickly exit your room before your agent can yell at you again.

~

After a successful TV interview, you’re able to convince your limo driver to take you to Yoohyeon’s place.

“I wouldn’t recommend going there. She’s still torn up because of how the movie was received.” The driver sighs before shaking their head. “I know that you won’t let me take you home, so I’ll take you to Yoohyeon. No snitching, alright? I’ll say we went for food.”

You give them a warm smile.

“That sounds good to me!”

~

When you arrive at Yoohyeon’s home, you’re cautiously optimistic as you knock on her door.

What do I even say to her when I see her? Shall I be comforting, or should I be direct?

The door opens, and you see a miserable version of the girl you once knew and loved. Her clothes are wrinkly, her hair is a mess, and her eyes are filled with tears.

“Please leave me alone. I don’t want to talk to you.” 

Yoohyeon tries to shut the door, but you’re able to stop it with your foot.

“Why not?”

“Why not? Y/N, we just made ourselves national embassaments instead of national treasures! How are our careers going to recover after this? I knew that signing up for that movie was a mistake.” 

You feel a lump in your throat as your brain dissects every word she says.

“Everything about that movie was a mistake, huh?” You ask as you try to force the tears and sadness down deep inside you.

Yoohyeon gives you a confused look.

“Isn’t that what I just said?”

You look directly in her eyes with an unmistakable amount of pain in yours.

“Was I a mistake? Were ‘we’ a mistake?” 

You take a step back from her front door as you take a deep breath. Yoohyeon pauses for a moment, and you shake your head at her.

“You know what? I don’t even want to know. Keep your secrets and lies, Yoohyeon, and keep me out of them.” You turn away from her as you briskly begin to walk back to the limo.

“Y/N, wait!”

“I don’t want to hear it, Yoohyeon!” You yell at her before climbing into your car.

The driver looks at you with concern as you let the tears fall from your eyes.

“Are you alrigh-”

“Just drive the goddamn car.” You direct. “Drive for as long as you want for what I care. I just want to be nowhere near that woman.”

“As you request.” The driver nods before starting the car.

You regretfully stare out the window as Yoohyeon re-enters her home.

I wish we could’ve worked out, but two stars only cross paths for a small amount of time before leaving each other in the dust.

Take Me Away (TMA): Gahyeon’s Shattered Ending - Sea of Misery

A/N: Hello my lovely guys, girls, and non-binary pearls! I wish I was back with another fluffy chapter, but we’ve got to work through the rough parts in order to get back to the fluff. I hope you enjoy this anyways, even if you don’t get that gooey, happy feeling in your stomach after you read it.

If you’re looking for a good place to start reading Take Me Away, or if you need to catch up on a chapter, then you should start by looking through the Series Masterlist!

TW: Bad ending, fire, smoke, characters suffer from starvation, a fish dies, mentions of food, homelessness(?), hopelessness

You pull the rose quartz anklet from the box, and you waste no time slipping it onto your foot.

Gahyeon… her smile and personality doesn’t fail to make me smile when I think of her. She’s my absolute bliss, and a life without her is a life without love.

You slip into the covers as complete silence overtakes your mind, and you eventually fall asleep.

~

You wake up in the small home that you and Gahyeon lived in, but a strong, unmistakable scent hits your nose instead of the salty ocean breeze that you were expecting.

Smoke… Is there a fire somewhere?!?!

You open your hand to see the shattered stone before softly cursing.

As smoke fills the room, you run out of your room to the safety of the outdoors.

“Y/N!” Gahyeon yells before giving you a hug. “We’ve got to get out of here.”

Gahyeon! She’s alive… but there’s got to be a bad twist somewhere in here.

“What do you mean?” You tilt your head at her.

“Someone tried to kill both of us. I think one or more of the villagers might know my secret.” Gahyeon’s eyes grow sad as she looks at the ground.

“We’ve got to go, then. I have to keep you safe.” You usher her out of the village as the two of you make a daring escape into the night.

~

It’s been so long since I had a proper meal. Gahyeon doesn’t look to be holding up well either…

After that night, the two of you ran to a small cave that would shelter the both of you until you figured out a new plan.

Your eyes drift to Gahyeon as she peacefully sleeps. Her soft features shine in the sunlight as you admire her.

This might suck, but I’m doing this for her and her alone.

You take your makeshift fishing rod with you as you go to catch something to eat.

~

“Gahyeon! Look what I caught!” You excitedly race back to the cave while holding your prized catch.

This fish is big, so we’ll be able to eat a nice meal.

Gahyeon smiles happily as she takes the fish from your hands.

“God, I’m starving.”

You set the fishing rod aside before nodding in agreement.

“I told you we could make it by ourselves.” You softly say as Gahyeon stares at the small fire in front of her.

“Will we ever be able to return to the village?” Gahyeon hopefully asks. “I know that’s a stupid question, but I miss sleeping in a home instead of a cave.”

“I understand where you’re coming from, but we can do this ourselves.” You confidently say as Gahyeon’s smile grows wider.

Only if I believed what I was saying to her….

“Oh, Y/N, I’m glad that I’m stuck with you.” Gahyeon takes your hand in hers as she prepares to cook the fish.

You gaze at the fire before squeezing her hand.

“Me too, Gahyeon, me too.”

jake sim. | 3:58.

summary. “jake knew he could be the most horrible being on earth and your too-big, too-empathetic eyes could still look at him adoringly. like he still held the moons and stars in his palms and you would cherish him for it.”

pairing.y/n x enhypen’s jake 

genre. broken relationship!au

word count.2k.

warnings. gender neutral!reader, swearing, weed, mention of drugs and drinking, they don’t know how to communicate… lol

inspo.savior complex by phoebe bridgers.

|—————|

FROM THE OPEN bathroom door and its faint amber light, the fuzzy silhouette clears sharper as he approaches it adjacent to the bed you lie in, palms touching and tucked under your cheek. 

Your eyes should burn from the long workday you’ve had, from the amount of TV you watched, lukewarm microwave dinner leaving marks of steam on the thrifted coffee table. But your eyelids stress to stay creased as you hear the clack of those heavy black boots exit the bathroom to finally reach the bed frame. 

Jake knows that you’re awake so he doesn’t try to avoid making sounds or hide the fact he brought a blunt in. Knows that you stay awake for him to come home and that he barely made it before four A.M. today. Almost made you tug the thin sheets back off your body to call to Jay, see whether he had gotten wasted and crashed at his house or had finally gotten hauled to the county jail cell. 

It’s exactly 3:58 and you know because you’ve been counting in your head. You’ve gotten good at it after all these months. 

Sensing the ruffle of tough fabric as him shrugging his jacket off, it lands with a loud clunk against the metal stand of the lamp in the corner. You can smell the weed and tequila as he sits on his side of the bed, a few feet away from you. 

The desire to nag, to get Jake to shower, brush his teeth, and tell him to come home earlier next time has died on your tongue recently. You wish you could wrangle the strength to fight again but it’s too tiring. More tiring than staying up and waiting for the familiar struggle of his dented keys scratching marks on the apartment lock.

His upper body flies back to hit the stiff mattress, head hitting the soles of your feet crammed under the blankets in a fetal position. He wiggles his head so that it tucks between your heels and your ass, a makeshift pillow for the blasting headache you know Jake always gets when he crossfades. 

A calloused hand blindly pats up to your space, fingertips finally landing on your hair and tangling in the mess for the sensation. A rush of smoke enters your peripheral from a puff he takes deeply and you finally twist your head. 

“Jake. Finish it outside and come to bed.” 

A sigh is the answer you get. 

He waits for you to shift, to start repeating yourself and slowly build to that anger you’ve got buried within this crumbling foundation you two have been nestling for a year but… it doesn’t come. It hasn’t come all week for some reason. 

But he can still hear it now. 

“Jake, go. Go, I hate the smell. Go. Shower and come back to me. Come back to us.” 

He’s exaggerating with the last sentence. Maybe it’s what he hopes he would hear. To know that you don’t just tolerate his broken self, that you want to go back to the ways things were before everything went wrong. 

Jake’s ears catch the pillow sink and for your hair to pull away from his loose grasp as you turn from him again. His heart pumps louder, threatening to spill out of his chest. He can hear it pound on his eardrums, the thrumming from the ceiling fan in the center of the one-room apartment reaching his consciousness somehow and making the nerves along his forearms itch. 

With a heave getting up, he snuffs out the short blunt and tosses it on the ashtray by his bedside table. Dusting off the ashes from his fingers, blunt nails scrape on his hairline and then he hops in his seat to pull the blankets from under his weight and the coldly patted space. 

Jake runs a hand down your curled side as another attempt. Somewhere within the haze of his mind, his sober self is very much panicked at the sight he’s been dreading for a while. It looks like the time has finally come where you’ve pulled away from him. 

He could wake up tomorrow, find your side empty for the last time. Not because you left for work early, or to get aspirin and a Gatorade for his hangover soon, or get him breakfast before you headed to your 9 to 5. 

No… you’d be gone from his life forever. 

And usually, you’d sink into his frame. Try to treasure the small amount of intimacy he used to so freely provide, no matter whether or not your boyfriend was inebriated. But you don’t move back at all. 

He puts so much effort to silence the noises of the yells on the street level outside, the howling of the sharp winds this starry night, that creaking faucet in the bathroom, and that stupid fucking fan. 

Just to hear your breathing and see if it’s evened out. It is. 

And Jake can’t force himself to sink back into your hold either. 

|—————|

The whimpers behind your back wake you. 

You would’ve figured that Jake had moved to the living room if he was going to have his nightmares but he’s laid beside you by dawn when your eyes crack open. The weight of his arm warms your side and you wonder when he slinked over to you, finally tempted to breach the unspoken boundary between you two since last Sunday.

Sitting up, you note the beads of sweat on Jake’s forehead, the strands of hair darkened and matted to his wet face. 

You shake him lightly, a tone of worry laced in your groggy voice. “Jake? Jake?” 

Getting more panicked at his mumbles, lips downturned and nose slope scrunched in the agony of his usual night terrors, you tug the blankets off his body. Cupping his face and slapping lightly does nothing to snap him out. His legs start kicking and you climb over his chest. 

“Baby, wake up. Baby. Baby, wake up, please.”

Swearing under your breath when you tug the sheets off him, the neck of his white tee is drenched clear. Your hand places a palm to his forehead and it feels like nearing a hot stove. Looking around quickly, you handle a three-day-old water bottle, twist the cap open, and pour it over his face. 

Jake gasps, eyes wide open in shock and nearly uplifting your entire body off his figure as he bolts into an upright position. Grasping onto his shoulders and desperately trying to peer into his eyes, your trials to calm him down don’t connect in his mind. 

Jumping off the bed and struggling to tug your heavy boyfriend out, you expend massive amounts of energy to drag him to the bathroom, fumbling with knobs until the shower runs on and you push Jake off the edge of the tub into cooling water. 

Time moves in slow motion for him, eyelids clenched shut as he plunges backward into the icy droplets. They drench him, sucking the air out of his tight lungs and forcing a puff of alcoholic breath and fog in his mind to burst like a bubble. 

The blurriness in his irises fades and when Jake looks up at you, a shot of anxiety snaps in your throat, seizing it for no air to come sucking into your chest. Those wide eyes, so familiar from the beginning of your relationship, stare back at you. Crouching on the floor, your own irises and tough swallow are taken in by Jake’s overbearing gaze. 

“Are you alright?” 

It takes several seconds before Jake reaches over to push the knob off, slouching in the tub, legs hanging out and heavy lashes blinking sluggishly once more. 

“What did you take tonight?” 

Irrational fury flashes in the brown eyes you had seen soften earlier at the sight of you. Watching it die out for him to lash out makes your heart sink. 

He’s defensive. “Nothing. Nothing different.”

“Then why…?” Your confused and mellow voice further infuriates him. 

He had fallen asleep with the thoughts of waking up without you in his life anymore, pushing the pain away with slumber but here you were. 

So loyal and loving and caring like you always were with him. Jake knew he could be the most horrible being on Earth and your too-big, too-empathetic eyes could still look at him adoringly. Like he still held the moons and stars in his palms and you would cherish him for it. 

“Go to bed.” Jake’s hands slip as he clutches the edge of the tub, yanking himself up with a stumble. 

You stand with him, nimble hands out to clutch the hem of his soaked tee, “Wait until your temperature goes down, I’ll get a change of clothes—”

“No,” He interrupts, cold glare serious and closed off, “Go to bed.” 

Swallowing the rejection, you can only be still like a statue as Jake uses the sink counter to steady before his wet feet slap to the bed and then the drawers scrape against wood. 

As you slowly approach the mattress again, you eye the pillowed space you two share. A lighter sits on Jake’s case. It forces your throat to tighten, then you look at the pile on the ashtray. 

The sick smell sticks to your clothes, even if you do everything to get rid of it. Do everything to stop it from infiltrating this apartment and infiltrating Jake’s head. Infiltrate and replace you as a way to release his stress. 

Whatever had messed with him so bad in the first place has torn what used to be your home apart. 

You’re so tired. 

Jake stills at the sound of a sniffle. And when he looks over to your corner, you’re turned around and wiping at your cheeks. Guilt and exasperation mix to bring forth his exasperated voice. 

“Y/N,whatare you crying about?” 

Your voice warbles and you despise it for doing so. 

“Nothing.” Climbing back under the sheets, you face away from him again. Jake can’t stand it.

Placing a knee on the bed, he bends over you to clutch your shoulder. 

“Y/N, don’t lie to me, come on. Why are you crying? I didn’t fucking take anything other than weed tonight. I promised you that before—”

Your shrug to get him off causes his fingers to limp on your figure. “Jake, change. Just change.” 

He wants to fight. Wants to see you react with something other than dismalness so Jake continues. 

“I did. I did, I changed my shirt—”

“No,everything,” You turn, now fully pushing his hand away from your body, “I can’t stand the smell—”

“It’sweed, Y/N! Surely you’ve fucking gotten used to it by now—”

“I don’t care, Jake, pleasejust listen to me and change—”

“I’vechanged!I’ve fucking changed—!”

You stand, unable to lay and take it anymore. Unplugging your phone from its charger, you pocket it and grab your bag as well. Jake follows, lips twisted at your sudden movement. 

“Where are you going?” 

Shrugging on your jacket from the coat rack and dipping to slip on your sneakers, he swallows roughly in your space, crowding with panic and confusion in his tone while he calls your name repeatedly. 

“I can’t. I can’t tonight, I can’t do it.”

It’s all you can say to excuse yourself, the wet trails on your cheeks continuing to flow as Jake gets louder and louder. He attempts to close the front door and stop you but you wait patiently and don’t fight him, only able to shut your eyelids tight and pray for him to get the clue. 

You couldn’t muster the energy to scream or protest or anything else you would usually do. 

Was this the last straw? 

The flurry of noise in your ears fades when Jake digs his nails into your forearms, firmly grasping them and uprooting your feet to bring you close to his big frame. At the tenseness and uneasiness in your expression, he cracks.

“Y/N, don’t leave. Don’tleave alright? Don’t leave, please, please don’t. Don’t.” 

He lets go after several seconds of scrutinizing the tears he’s caused to leak from your eyes. Watching your tight swallow and attempt to seem collected, his heart clenches. 

“I’ll crash at Eunha’s.” 

“Don’t. Stay. I’ll sleep on the couch.” 

“Ican’tbe in the same room right now, Jake!” Your sudden desperation makes him jerk back. 

He takes several seconds to pull a meek, “Okay,” from his cracked lips. 

You’re too exhausted to feel bad about the harshness of your words. Sighing, Jake pushes his back against the wall to get out the way of the front door and you twist the knob, leaving. 

Jake feels his headache return tenfold. The fan keeps going and at the registering of the fucking annoying noise in his head, he stumbles to the middle of your shared one-room apartment, yanking on the thin metal chain for the fan to stop whirling. 

All things came to a halt. The apartment sits frozen except for the frustrated breath that escapes Jake’s lips as he hears your feet walk farther and farther away from him.