#lesbian relationship

happy pride month to every closeted wlw. for whatever reason, you are so valid. you belong in this community just as much as anyone else. i hope one day you are in place where you can safely and openly be who you are. here’s to you.

i want to lounge on the beach and hold hands while chasing waves, i want to kiss the most beautiful girl in the world as the sun sets 

on earth day, she takes you on her favorite hike. you lie on a checkered picnic blanket, enjoying your homemade lunch, and watch scattered clouds race by. you reach over to kiss her cheek and she blushes. there is absolutely nowhere you’d rather be. you walk back in the gathering dusk, distant city lights just starting to glow.

i get to take my beautiful girlfriend to sf pride in two months and show her my city!!

my girlfriend is studying outside on her college campus and keeps sending me pictures of the trees, sunbathing turtles, and dogs walking by. apparently she wants to take a nap here and use my boobs as a pillow (i’ve never loved her more) 

girls loving girls? pure. girls walking down the street holding hands? amazing. girls kissing at the beach? perfect. girls running into each others arms at airports? The Dream.

It’s been a few years since I posted so I thought today would be a good day to reconnect… I started my tumblr to get in touch with my LGBT+ community and to come to terms with my self. However, it’s been a very hard and long struggle for me. I started to come out as two years ago but something inside me wasn’t ready and I completely ran back into my comfort zone and stopped being true to myself. I haven’t been truly happy since then. I am now 19 years old and so ready to show the world the real Emily. She’s beautiful and perfect in her own way… i’m ready to be myself no matter what society has to say about it. If anyone is reading this please reach out to me! I would love to connect and have a conversation :)

Date a sweetheart that makes your heart melt and keeps your hormones high.

This will be my final post about her.

Words aren’t enough to describe the pain and the agony that comes with breaking up with the one you love. Especially if the person is Your One True Love, your Greatest Love, She Who Will Forever Hold Your Heart.

You cry over your past and your supposed future together. You blindly hope against hope that your supposed immense love for each other can fix all the damages of your ruined relationship. You hold on tightly for as long you can, as hard as you can, no matter how much it makes you bleed and die little by little as days go by.

Until you realize that you just have to let go.

I believe that when you love someone, you fight for them. You lay down everything on the line. You refuse to let it go down the drain.

But you can only hope and hold on for so much. Especially if the other person cannot take it upon herself to fight along with you. She will say that she loves you, say that she can’t lose you, cry because it hurts her, too. But she won’t grab all the shards that stab your heart with bare hands and keep you. When it’s time for you to leave, she will kiss you. Then she will just watch you go.

And that is how you know. That is how you know that you have to go.

Some people say that love should be able to conquer all. It should be enough. But then you question how a love so great still can’t be enough, because it isn’t.

You deserve peace, assurance, fidelity, happiness, and security. Love should be able to give you that. So if it can’t, then maybe it’s not the right love for you. No matter how much you push for it to be.

Maybe it’s not the right time or the right season. Maybe it’s not ready. But for whatever reason, if the person can’t love you wholly, then you should accept that this love isn’t yours for the taking.

And it’s hard. Trying to untangle yourself from your dreams, wishes, and hopes with this person. Your mind will come up with all rational explanations to justify the idiocy of your heart. Because it really is so hard to let go.

But then one day you will just realize that you can’t keep on fooling yourself and that you have to open your eyes to every single painful truth and accept that holding on will just consume you until there is nothing left.

And so you let go.

Love, and not time, heals all wounds. And it won’t be the same love which wounded you in the first place.

Loving yourself will heal you. Allowing and accepting another love will heal you. Because that love you so desperately want won’t. It can, but it won’t.

Perhaps I will always be in love with that girl. Perhaps I will never experience the same level of greatness of love that I shared with her with someone else. But I know that I can no longer hold on to what does not want to stay.

So I am telling that girl:
I love you. I had since 2006. We were separated for five years but come 2013 and I still love you. I will always love you. But I am done fighting. Maybe in another five years, we will see each other again, maybe we won’t, but this love will always stay, even when I no longer can.

Always.

———–
I am sending this as a submission because I will no longer run this blog and I no longer have access to it. This has chronicled my longest relationships and I no longer want to be haunted by its demise.

Please follow my new Tumblr – http://ruth-leinor.tumblr com. I will create a new girl’s love blog soon.

Thank you for supporting this blog since 2011.

mylinks

so happy 2 b yours @candicescurves

A flower plucked too soon [can you plant her again, for me?]

Hange x reader //gn!reader

a/n: I’ve spent like 5 days editing this, please like it

Taken too soon, your lily is gone. Hange blames themselves.

Warnings: character death, canon typical violence, neither hange or reader die, just readers bestfriend, angst, Lora is an oc.

Main Masterlist

Dead, everyone. Nearly your entire squad- minus a few lucky souls, could you even call it luck?

It wasn’t supposed to end like this, but the titans had come out of nowhere. You could still hear your squadmates scream- the people you practically grew up, the ones you spent every waking minute training with, gone. 

And Lora, god, you couldn’t even think her name without tears slipping. She was almost out, so close to her horse when she was plucked like a lily from a dead garden, screaming and crying for help- your help. If you had been five seconds earlier, she would be here mourning with you.

It took Jean dragging you away, wrapping his limbs around your flailing ones, to get you away from the titans.

You’d kill them all, you promised him, even if it was the last thing you did.

In the end, you got what you came for: a live titan, something Hange wanted so they could study their behaviors- hopefully learn something important.

It was late when a knock on your door startled you, giving you just enough time to hastily wipe your tears as the door creaked open, “(y/n)…” 

You didn’t bother to look up from the wall, a simple nod gave them all the confirmation they needed to walk in and sit beside you. 

It was Hange, you could tell the minute their hand hit against the wood of the door. You could tell them from sound alone; they had a unique way of doing things.

“When..“ they paused, clearing their throat in a futile attempt to hide the anguish in their voice. "when I heard about what happened, I begged whatever god there may be that you were alive.”

Silence bloomed between the two of you, the faint sounds of rain hitting angrily against the window serving as background noise. 

You wished the world would swallow you; the endless void of a titans mouth didn’t seem so bad.

“I was so scared I sent you on a suicide mission,” Hange admitted, hands tangled in their hair. “This wasn’t supposed to be the result- Armin’s plan seemed so perfect.”

And it had, that was the worst part. Armin’s plan seemed foolproof: get in it and get out with little to no casualties. He was so confident, would he ever recover from a tragedy like this?

They rambled on, a habit they developed when nervous or in this case, scared.“-and when I heard about Lora..” Hange’s eyes glossed over, tears threatening to spill for the millionth time. “Is an apology even enough?”

Time passed as their words filtered through your mind, taking much longer to form an adequate response. It was too easy to say the wrong thing, now was not the time for wrong things. 

“My name,” you finally spoke, voice horse. “My name was the one she was screaming as it’s teeth tore into her flesh.”

Hange couldn’t control it, tears forcefully spilled out, knowing Lora had met her end with a titan on the mission they sent her on. "This is all my fault.”

Your eyes were dull, red and sore from the endless crying, a far away look within them as you stared blankly at the wall.  “Everyone, nearly my entire squad is gone,“ their screams would haunt your nightmares. "how do I heal from this?” 

Turning to Hange, seeing their face- you knew you wouldn’t. You could build a new squad, erase the memory with alcohol, but a piece of your heart will remain on that battlefield. 

Hange knew your pain; they had been in your shoes twice before. “You learn to grow around the grief,” they spoke, gentle and affirming. “And I know it’s not enough, but I’m here.” Their left arm wrapped around you, setting their head on top of yours.

The storm had calmed significantly, the rain hitting the window allowed a calm pitter patter to envelop the room. 

Lora’s bed sat across from you, unmade and messy. She had never been good at keeping her side of the room clean.

“It sucks,” you mumbled, a quiet laugh following. Using the back of your hand, you tried to wipe the tears- though it was useless as they kept falling. “Because I want to hate you, to put the blame on you and Armin.” 

The tips of your fingers brushed against their hand as you met eyes, part of you still fought to do just that- but you knew better. “But I know it wasn’t you or Armin, it was those stupid fucking titans that took my bestfriend.” 

The words clawed their way out of your throat before you had time to think, but a weight came off your shoulders. “I love you, Hange. I just need time.”