#lifestyle

Alone But Not Lonely 

It was a Wednesday night, I think when I had a conversation with a friend of mine that really got me thinking. We were discussing the news, workout routines, when our next papers were due, and then we got on the topic of relationships – platonic and non-platonic alike. We talked about what we look for in people, what makes a great friend, the do’s and don’t’s of choosing flatmates. Everything.

In terms of romantic relationships, there are a million and one pieces of advice we could have given each other. All would have been correct. My piece of advice was this: if you ever want to give yourself over fully to someone, you have to be comfortable with yourself first. You have to be content with being alone – in finding comfort in the silence of your own mind.

“Learn to like being alone without feeling lonely.” I said, as I tapped my fingers on my desk. It’s a lesson that took me years to learn but, by God, I’m happy I did. I’m just sorry it took me as long as it did.

My friend turned to me after I had spoken and asked why I personally thought that was such an important lesson. To explain to him what made me so sure that it was crucial for self-development. I thought for a moment, really thought, and came up with an answer as honestly as I could.

As a child, I was bullied. Not as heavily as some but I had things said to me and done to me that stuck with me for years. It drove me insane. I believed my self-worth was dependent on others’ opinions of me, of the words they chose to say about me to their friends. It was, and never will be, a healthy mindset for any child, adult, or individual to have about themselves.

Growing up, I had harsh things said to me, about me, and in front of me constantly. People judged me on my height (I was tall for my age), my weight (I was a heavy child), my eating habits (I ate too many snacks apparently), everything. And so, when it came time for me to have more genuine relationships in high school and university, it terrified me. I always thought that they must have some sort of ulterior motive in wanting to be friends with me. I figured that any romantic gesture was done as a joke and that no one would be silly enough to like me in that way.

Recently, I’ve learned that this isn’t, in fact, the case.

So when my friend asked me why I thought that learning to enjoy your own company was important, I gave him the honest answer. I had perceived myself to be alone for so long, despite having a great group of friends, that I wound up hurting myself more than the harsh words said to me as a child ever did. I fell into a very dark place that took nearly a decade to get out of. Subsequently, I developed such a broken self-image that I never believed anyone would ever romantically care about me.

I told my friend this. So many people believe that their self-worth is only justified through dating or how many friends they have on Facebook. By being able to say ‘well this person likes me’. But we are all so much more than that. We are more than the relationships we have or the things people say about us.

Self-worth starts inside. At least at the beginning, it does. Once you realize how independent you can be, how much fun you can have alone in a museum or at home on a Friday night, the more you understand that it’s okay to not have a significant other. That what you label a relationship does not define your self-worth. It took me a very long time to understand that I was okay with being alone. Sure, I’d love to have someone but I’m not craving another’s company all the time to justify myself like I used to.

I spent so long always wanting to be around people just to prove I had friends in my life who put up with me that I didn’t realize the negative impact it had on my mental state. We all go through hard times and that’s okay, just don’t feel like you’re obliged to stay in it. Being alone sometimes can be a liberating experience. You can explore your own interests or find a new hobby. Leave your comfort zone for a little while and you’ll be amazed at what you can discover.

We’d learn so much about ourselves if only we gave ourselves even half the attention we give other people.

Words by Sarah Sutherland // Photography by Grecia Villa.

© 2017 Reef Magazine

Just Write It All Down

I had the opportunity to create my own personal mission statement for one of my classes in college. It is pretty simple: write about you, your values and what you want to achieve. I’m going to leave mine here to serve as an example. I hope you enjoy.

All I want, all I really want is to cry when I need to. Love with all my heart. Sleep when I’m tired. Eat when I’m hungry but stop when I’m full. Listen more. Create, innovate, discover. Realize that something new is not always something better. Realize that some friends are forever and others are meant to let go. Realize how truly lucky I am. Realize that some days are just better than others. Realize that it is always possible to better myself. Live in the present moment and cherish every day. All I want is to say I love you to my parents more often and call my grandparents more because you never know what could happen. Take care of my body. Listen to my body. Love my body. Appreciate. Treat people the way I want to be treated. Let go of the little things that bother me but remember to acknowledge them. Remember that life is short. Remember that change can disappoint but it could also result in unexpected blissful moments. Remember that what once hurt me made me stronger. Always keep my head up. Let my mind wander. See everything as an opportunity to grow and learn. Laugh until my body hurts. Be genuine. Take time for myself. Keep it simple. Chill, relax, breathe. Have fun. Start to trust that my mom is most probably right. Travel. Surprise myself. Do more of what makes me happy. Spend more time with my family. Voice my opinion so it could be heard. Be assertive but know that it is ok to be wrong. Hunt happiness. Take it day by day. Slow down sometimes. Dream. Have more ambition. Write more. Be open minded. Work hard. Put myself first sometimes but put others first when it’s necessary. Be patient. Take risks. Enjoy. All I want, all I really want is to live and forever be grateful.

So to that I say, just write it all down. Your aspirations, your goals, what you want to improve because it makes you discover the person you want to become. It enables you to set objectives for yourself that will forever remain in the back of your mind. There is always a way to better oneself and a personal mission statement can help us to do that. I really hope you enjoy doing this as much as I did.

Much love xo

Annabelle

© 2016 Reef Magazine

July Favorites 

July was filled with journaling and sunkissed days. Music festivals flooded the streets. Too many strawberries were eaten. Road trips with friends were enjoyed watching endless sunsets. As we are approaching August and soon Fall (which we are eagerly waiting for), let us enjoy the last few months of sweet summer.

                                                       Tunes

Record Shopping:

You Can Have It All // Yo La Tengo

You Are the Right One // Sports

Birds Don’t Sing // TV Girl

Radiovoice // Good Morning

Above Us // Hibou

Disco // Windigo

Tangible, Intangible // Fly Golden Eagle

After The Moment // Craft Spells

Freaking Out // Sticky Fingers

I Am The Lion King // PAPA

Starry Eyes // Cigarettes After Sex

Cooking Up Something Good // Mac Demarco

                                     Must Sees: Films + Series

Stranger Things – Something about this series intrigued me right away. For starters the soundtrack is everything. With the perfect 80’s vibe all the way from wardrobe to music, you instantly fall in love with the characters. Every scene from beginning to end is captivating. If you’re a science fiction fanatic you will not be disappointed. Watch the trailer here.

Tallulah – I honestly didn’t know what to expect of this movie at first. All I knew was that Ellen Page was starring, so I knew I had to watch. Although I was mainly watching because of her, the actors’ performance captivated me as well. Set in New York, with Tallulah (Ellen Page) living in her groovy van with her boyfriend, I quickly perceived this movie as a light romantic film. However, that was not the case. This movie was intense but in a good way. Although I was watching it at 2AM, I couldn’t keep my eyes from the screen. Watch the trailer here.

Palm Trees in The Snow – This romantic Spanish film is set in the 50’s and present time. When a woman finds a letter having to do with her family’s heritage and history, she sets out to the mysterious land to find out what it is. Throughout the movie, there are flashbacks that unravel those secrets. Watch the trailer here.

Vale – This Spanish short film is light and fun. The cinematography is lovely. The script was simple but it tied the film together. Starring Dakota Johnson and Quim Gutiérrez, their on-screen chemistry is beautiful. Watch the short film here.

Frida – This film is a classic you don’t want to miss. Warning: You will fall in love with Frida Kahlo and all that she represents. The film covers every chapter of her life beautifully. Watch the trailerhere.

                                         Books + Youtube

Every Day // David Levithan – This was the kind of book that I read in one sitting. Waking up in a different body every day was a new concept that I was intrigued by. I liked that it hadn’t been done before. This was a light read that made reflect on what it means to be human.

Yes Please // Amy Poehler – “I want to be around people that do things. I don’t want to be around people anymore that judge or talk about what people do. I want to be around people that dream and support and do things.”  What I love about Amy Poehler is that she is so genuine and real. This book was funny and relatable and everything I expected.

French Style Secrets: Inside The Wardrobe of Camille Rowe – Watching this video made me want to work whole-heartedly on my closet. It is so important to develop a personal style that you love and are comfortable with. Camille Rowe’s closet is full of classic, bohemian, 70’s style statement pieces that you will instantly fall in love with. Watch it here.

10 Ways To Be Parisian with Caroline De Maigret – Witty and funny Caroline De Maigre perfectly represents the essence of a french woman. Watch it here.

                                               Food + Drinks

Tea –  I used to never understand the people who chose tea over coffee. I believe the most tea I had drank in my lifetime was a Lipton green tea when I was around 14. I didn’t like it and never gave myself the chance to try it again. However one day I found myself ordering a cup of tea when my local coffee shop didn’t have my favorite order of coffee. This time, my experience was completely different. I finally saw the light. Now that I drink tea more frequently, I have noticed  the effects tea has on me. I feel better when I drink tea over coffee. I encourage you not to disregard a product too quickly. Most of the time there are many options to the product you are trying that you might like another one. My recommendation: Ginger Peach Tea with two packets of turbinado cane sugar.

Black Bean Burgers – Since my hometown isn’t very vegan-friendly I find myself cooking at home a lot of the time. Last week I tried Buzzfeed’s black bean burger recipe and it was incredibly easy and delicious. You can find the recipe here.

Oatmeal for Breakfast – I don’t what it is about oatmeal but I keep finding myself making this for breakfast. It is quick to make and super filling. I simply add almond milk and top it off with strawberries, blueberries, and bananas. For more flavor, I sprinkle some cinnamon.

Ben & Jerry’s Coffee Caramel Fudge Non-Dairy Ice Cream – I might be a little late on this bandwagon but WHAATTT??? I was surprised to find this in the ice cream aisle. I’m used to making my own homemade ice cream but this was a sweet and delicious surprise. Definitely recommend even if you’re not vegan!

Fast Food (Vegan Options) – This month I visited two fast food chains in search for vegan options. My first stop was Taco Bell. I had heard a lot about the “vegan” menu so I decided to try it out for myself. Here are my favorite vegan combinations:

7 layer burrito includes beans, latin rice, lettuce, guacamole, tomatoes, sour cream, & cheese. Take out the cheese and sour cream and add potatoes for .50 cents. Price: $2.79

Black Bean Burrito includes black beans, latin rice, cheese & red sauce. Simply take out the cheese. Price: $2.19

Spicy Tostada includes beans, cheese, lettuce, red sauce, tomatoes, & chipotle sauce. Take out the chipotle sauce and cheese. Add guac for .30 cents. Price: $1.00

Crunchy Taco includes beef, lettuce, & cheese. Substitute the beef for beans and take out the cheese. Price: $1.19

Crunchwrap Supreme includes beef, lettuce, tomatoes, sour cream, & cheese sauce. Substitute the beef for beans and take out the sour cream and cheese sauce. Add potatoes for .50 cents. Price: $3.19

You can always go for an easy option and simply ask for black beans & rice bowl. Add lettuce, guacamole, or any other vegan addition you enjoy. Price: $1.49

Dessert: Cinnamon twists. (Accidentally vegan, but delicious) Price: $1.00

You can customize every order by adding these vegan options to your order: onions, guacamole, pico de gallo, potatoes, rice, black beans, lettuce, red sauce, beans, & pizza sauce.

My second stop was Jack in The Box. There were fewer vegan options but it was still delicious. Now, these aren’t the healthiest of options but will do for a once or twice in a month occasion when you’re on the go.

Teriyaki Bowl includes white rice, veggies, & chicken. Simply take out the chicken and add extra veggies if you’d like.

Potato wedges and curly fries are all vegan.

Taco – opt for no beef and substitute it for beans. Ask for no cheese.

                                                        Other

Journaling with a friend – Sometimes the best moments are spent not talking at all.  Call a friend, bring your journals, and go to your favorite coffee shop. Schedule a day for it, trust me you will lose track of time. Let your thoughts run wild and relax.

Supporting local shops – I love it when a new business opens in my city. When you walk into a local business you feel the connection. You get to know and engage with the owners. You know your dollar is supporting your city. Next time, skip Starbucks and support your local coffee shop :’)

Grocery Shopping – This is one of the things that reminds me that I’m an adult. Make a list of all the things you need ahead of time. The most important tip to remember when grocery shopping is to look at the store’s offers in your mail. There are heaps of offers each week. Circle your favorites and save up! My sister and I love trying new vegan products. Plus nothing is better than a full fridge and pantry am I right?

Vegan Amino App – I don’t even know where to begin with this app. It is by far my most used app this month. You can share your favorite vegan recipes, join chat groups, and meet other lovely vegans. The app is fun and positive and creates a beautiful vegan community. Get the app here.

Words & Photography by Grecia Villa.

© 2016 Reef Magazine

16 Lessons for 2016

Words by Sarah Sutherland // Photography by Ashley Sharma.

1. You are allowed to outgrow things, ideas, fashion, and most importantly, you’re allowed to outgrow people. Who you were in 2015 might not be who you choose to be in 2016. It’s okay change.

2. Be more sentimental. Crying it not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. It’s a way of cleaning your inner self from the demons you’ve fought and overcome. It’s a sign of moving forward, that your life isn’t grounded in the past.

3. Money comes and goes like boys in the summer. Realize it’s okay to spend some on yourself every once in a while. You worked for your money.

4. Fresh fruit is always a worthwhile purchase. So are fresh flowers, tea, and candles.

5. Call your family. Call that friend you haven’t spoken to since high school graduation. Check in on your best friend from home. Make an effort to see the people who you don’t see every day. Long-distance relationships, be it with a significant other or with a friend, can be hard but they’re worth it.

6. Don’t go out if you don’t want to. Don’t drink if you don’t feel like. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do. Drinking doesn’t make you any cooler than the girl who doesn’t.

7. You’re more than a number. You create your own value.

8. Make time for your pet(s). They might be a small part of your day but to them, you are their entire world.

9. You are more than what you post online. Social media is great to an extent but it doesn’t validate your existence. Human interactions are a lot more fun than text on a screen.

10. Don’t take things too personally. Not everyone you are going to meet is going to like you. Not everyone is going to care as much as you do.

11. Wear what you want. This goes for clothes and make-up alike. If you love wearing dark lipstick and winged eyeliner, do it. If you like wearing heels even though you’re already 5’9 and your mother told you ‘Boys don’t like tall girls’, wear them anyway. It’s your body, not theirs.

12. There is a difference between people who take you outside your comfort zone and those who make you uncomfortable. Know the difference.

13. Keep an open mind. Not everything will go as planned. You might not fall for the right person at first. The right person might not fall for you. Sometimes the best stories are the ones that started out spontaneously.

14. Put yourself first for once. You deserve it.

15. Some days will be unexceptional but that doesn’t mean that you are.

16. You are not responsible for someone else’s feelings. If they don’t like you, that’s their problem. Don’t try to change for someone else’s sake.

© 2015 Reef Magazine

Albania.

New DIY, this time its tawashi !

New comic about beewrap

I’m not sure about the composition and storyline but it was fun to make.

Morals draped in gold

Really?!

If your attention is everywhere, your focus is nowhere.

Business meetings done right.