#mildred ratched
Lana Winters vs Mildred Ratched
MILDRED RATCHED
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I kissed a girl and I liked it… ;)
(Mildred&Gwendolyn)
Mildred & Gwendolyn
Ratched
Ig=> wetfarmiga
Mildred can hardly divert her gaze from your figure as both of you are seated at the coffee table, enjoying the early afternoon’s peace. The atmosphere is rather cozy and so is the interior of the cafeteria, made of finest wood. The stroll, close to your chair, is left empty as you’re holding the baby in your lap. An arm is secured around the child’s small body, while the other rests on the counter and plays with the handle of the cup of tea. You lean closer to the hot drink, blowing on it softly to cool it down.
Mildred looks at you with deep tenderness, but also admiration for the woman you’ve become. Unlike you, she can’t focus on her tea just yet. There are so many things, little details about you and Diana, that she can’t stop admiring. She can’t allow herself to miss another instant of you. You look radiant, yet she noticed the small dark circles under your eyes, sign of your sleepless nights.
She still can’t quite believe that you became mother. Yet she can’t help but feel proud of you. Proud of the person that got up on her feet, after being pushed down so many times. Proud of the little girl that became a woman in every sense of the word.
Despite the slight pain of knowing that someone else had the privilege to lie down with you, to sleep with you, Mildred was happy you could fulfil the dream to have your own child. And frankly, the role of mother suited you. She tried to imagine you carrying a baby. You had to be the most beautiful woman on earth. She’s have done anything to go back in time and see you with a baby bump.
“It’s amazing, isn’t it? You…”, Mildred clears her throat, as she speaks. She’s smiling, but her eyes are glistered with small tears. She’s indeed happy for you, but she can’t lie to herself and pretend to be indifferent to the fact that you slept with someone else.
You notice her distress and reach out to touch her wrist. She smiles fondly at you as you do that. She continues, “You have a daughter”, a small watery chuckle escapes from her mouth. Her eyes linger on the baby, who’s adorably sucking your thumb to keep herself busy. You frown, tempted to get up right there to wipe those tears away. “I can’t believe it”
“Oh trust me, sometimes, me neither”, an amused grin crosses your lips. You bow your head to place a soft kiss on the top of Diana’s and Mildred’s heart quickens at the sight before her eyes. She can’t help the fond smile that graces her features and the sudden tickle in her stomach that makes it difficult to hold up a neutral face.
“I’ve always wanted kids, but she wasn’t really planned, uhm… but you see…things happened and-”, you start rambling and a sense of sudden discomfort resurfaces at the memory of how things went for you some months ago.
Mildred hushes you gently, lightly shaking her head. “Hey, breathe. It’s alright”, she rubs your skin in soothing circles, smiling softly as she does so.
You take a shaky breath, before nodding quietly. Mildred was right to think you weren’t the same person than a year ago. You matured for sure, but the time and the experiences you went through didn’t make you stronger, nor happier, unlike what could seem.
You’re just good at pretending.
You try to apologize, since the last thing you want is to make a fool of yourself, but Mildred precedes you.
“It’s been a year since the last time I spoke to you, I wasn’t expecting you to be cloistered or anything of the sort”, she tries to sound playful, but you don’t feel like laughing.
“It’s not how it looks like, Mildred”, you say quietly, diverting your gaze from hers.
Mildred’s brow raises slightly at your words. “And how does it look like?”, her voice comes out thin, slightly fearful.
You rub your forehead, before speaking, “You think I fell into the arms of dozen of men during the past months, don’t you?”, a bitter chuckle escapes from your mouth.
The nurse’s eyes go wide and her face loses some of her natural colour. “No”, she promptly shakes her head. She lets go of her cup of tea, now long forgotten, and takes your hand in both of hers. “Absolutely not”, she continues both firmly and softly, and you look up at her. She raises your fingers to her lips. “I could never think such a thing of you”, she places a soft kiss on your knuckles and you let out a whimper.
“Mildred…”, your eyes flutter close for a moment. Butterflies flutter in your stomach driving you crazy.
The redhead’s thumb grazes over your fingers. Her warm breath tickles your skin softly.
“Still, I had a baby”, you point out. “You’re certainly trying to figure how it happened”, you rumble, cheeks turning in a bright hue of red.
“It’s none of my business, y/n”, her answer amazes you, and you scoff a little bit, withdrawing your hand from her grasp. “Right”, you mouth to her before moving the mug closer to your face.
Mildred closes her eyes for a moment and her lips purse in a grimace. She mentally curses herself for having said something so insensitive. She sighs and takes a sip of her tea as well, now too cold for her liking.
Diana starts whining when she can’t reach the mug, probably with the intention to dip her fingers inside.
It makes both you and Mildred giggle softly at her adorable attempt.
“Ah, ah, you can’t do that”, you say sweetly, pecking her cheek. You understand she’s probably hungry, when she keeps whining and making adorable little noises.
“Something the matter?”, Mildred asks, concern fills her voice as she eyes the baby.
You promptly shake your head. “She’s just hungry”, you take a quick look around the cafeteria, debating if it’s a good idea to do something about it right there and now. There aren’t many people anyway, since it’s still early, so you decide to give it a try. “Tell me if someone is watching”, you inform Mildred in a soft whisper. An amused grin crosses your lips, when you notice how her lips part in confusion. She doesn’t even have the time to ask you what you meant, that you start unbuttoning your turquoise shirt, that little enough for you to expose your breast. Mildred chuckles nervously and her cheeks flush rose hue. “Oh, that’s what you meant”, she takes another sip of her tea, trying to focus on something else than her rentless heartbeat. Meanwhile Diana understands what’s going on and turns in the direction of your exposed breast, mouth half open and wide eyes. You lead her movements, holding Diana in the most comfortable way possible for her. In a matter of seconds she relaxes and stop whining. Your eyes glimmer with emotion, when she starts drinking your milk.
“It’s incredible, isn’t it?”, you mutter, eyeing Mildred.
“It really is”, she nods promptly. “She’s so beautiful, y/n”, the way you stroke your baby’s cheek while you feed her unleashes a whirlwind of emotions that were waiting for you to come back into her life to resurface. “Both of you are”
You smile. “Thank you”
“Anyway, I don’t want you to think I’m judging you”, the redhead starts again, after a moment of silence. “I have no right to, not after-”
“Pushing me away. Yeah”, you continue for her, chuckling a little bit. Mildred lowers her head, feeling deeply ashamed. She bites her inner cheek, since she can’t deny the truth. You frown a little bit as she failed to notice the sarcasm in your tone. You weren’t mad at her. Not anymore at least. And you hoped she could see your state of mind by focusing a little more on your eyes. “Hey, it’s alright”, you tilt your head to the side, hoping she would lift hers in your direction.
Despite everything, you’re amazed to feel so at ease around her. You can tell she’s changed. She isn’t ashamed of you nor herself. Yet you wonder if she is still into women.
“I just don’t want you to think I became that kind of person”
“I don’t think that. I swear”, she is quick to reply. So quick the cup of tea tremble in her hands and you chuckle. Mildred takes a deep breathe, trying to compose herself. She shakes her head and can’t help the small grin that crosses her velvet lips. “What I’m trying to say is, I know you. You guard the heart of an angel inside of you”, she mutters softly and it’s your turn to blush profoundly at her words.
“A fallen angel, maybe”, you playfully roll your eyes.
“Hey, no. Don’t say that”, Mildred tries to sound annoyed, but the sparkle in her eyes betrays her. She could never resist your childish ways, and she is so delight that those haven’t changed one bit. She gives you the look, the one that doesn’t allow more objections and you bite your bottom lip, trying to suppress another fit of giggles. “You should stop thinking so little of yourself”
You shrug. “Old habits die hard”, you remark.
Mildred clicks her tongue. Her lips curve upwards right after. “You’re just the same stubborn girl you always were”
“Guilty, ma'am!”, your playful tone makes her hope, that maybe, just maybe, you two can start over.
“I don’t know if you want to hear this, but I truly missed you”, Mildred hands you a handkerchief once you finish feeding your baby, so that you can wipe the area. “Talking to you… it feels like home”, you smile at her sweet words, but as you wipe Diana’s mouth carefully you fail to notice how for a matter of seconds, Mildred’s gaze drops on your ample bosom.
“I was never able to forget you either”, you continue, lifting your gaze. You grin, when you notice how flushed Mildred’s cheeks are.
“Did you hate me during this time?”, she asks timidly. “Do you… still hate me?”
You scoff a little bit, genuinely surprised she might think something of the sort. “Hate you?”, you shake your head and reach out to grab her hand. “No, Mildred. I was mad at you, disappointed in you, but I could never hate you”
She whispers, “Was?”
You nod quietly. “I’d lie if I said it wasn’t a shock meeting you again at the supermarket earlier. Lots of memories resurfaced. But all in all, the good memories stand out the most”
“Is that a way to tell me you missed me too?”
“Don’t push your luck, Ratched”, you teasingly add, rolling your eyes.
A content grin crosses Mildred’s lips. Her hands clutch at your blouse and her fingers start playing with the buttons. “I wouldn’t dare”, her voice comes out playful.
You lightly shake your head, giggling at her tone. You two fall in a moment of silence, basking each other beauty. “I did, though”, you admit after, your voice quieter than you intended it to be.
And she frowns. “Come again?”
Your eyes flutter close for a moment. “I missed you. I never stopped thinking about you”, at this time, you start weeping softly. A sharp pain fills your chest and you find it hard to breathe properly. “I wish I did”, you chuckle, unamused.
Mildred gets up from the chair and approaches you. She kneels before you and reaches out to stroke your cheek, before cupping your face in her hands. “Hey, shush, I know. I’m sorry”, she keeps repeating, in the hope to calm you down. “So sorry”, tears begin to fall as she speak.
You divert your gaze from her, madly wiping under your eyes. “I wished that a part of me was strong enough to let you go, but I was never able to do so”, at this point you let out a short chuckle, and Mildred’s lips crack in a fond smile.
She slides her fingertips through your hair. “Me neither, sweet thing”, she takes a quick glance to Diana, noticing how her curious big brown eyes are staring at her, feeling her heart burst with love. “I’m so sorry for pushing you away. My intention wasn’t to hurt you. I loved you so much, too much”, she bites her bottom lip, and your eyes open wide. “I still do”
“Oh, Millie…”, you gasp, your voice thick with tears. “For real?”
She nods promptly, before asking, “You called me Millie?”, she tenderly brushes your knee.
You hum, a fond smile gracing your lips while doing so. “You’ll always be Millie to me”, you admit, your words hold a deeper meaning, that the woman in front of you is ready to catch.
Her gaze lowers to your lips and you see her swallow thickly. Your heart races in your chest, when her nose grazes yours. You try to say something, fearing her reaction if people inside the cafeteria had seen you. “Let them see”, she hushes you gently, her eyes still glistered with tears, but she doesn’t look scared anymore.
“I love you, y/n”, she gently leans in for a kiss. It’s chaste, yet so needy. Her hands run over your waist and hips, making you shiver.
You moan quietly in her mouth as she keeps touching you. “I love you too, Millie”
You feel the tip of her tongue pushing against your upper lip, in the timid request to be let in. And you do. A bright smile crosses your features as you do. Your skin heats up, but then you remember where you are and how your daughter is kept hostage between you too, so you slightly pull away. “Let’s get out of here”, you suggest, breathlessly.
She chuckles. “Come home with me. Both of you”, she pecks the baby’s cheek, before getting up.
“What do you say, Diana?”, you tease, and Mildred scoffs playfully at you. “Shall we go?”
Her dark orbs stay locked to yours and you find yourself unable to divert your gaze. You lightly shake your head and wet your lips. She reaches out to hold your hand to help you up and you take it.
“So? What have you decided, you two?”, she grins “Are you coming?”
You nod quietly. The baby squeals when you move closer to Mildred once more, hovering your lips over hers. “We are coming”
Take me back to the night we met
“After taking different paths for almost a year, you and Mildred meet again at the supermarket and a set of feelings resurface.”
You’re walking through the corridors of the supermarket, searching for fruity baby food, making sure to read all the ingredients written on the labels, before making a choice. You have been pretty meticulous since your baby’s birth. Yes, a baby. Yours. It always makes you emotional when you think about it, your heart melts and your stomach drops, making you feel the luckiest woman on earth, when you look at her. Once you put everything in the chart, you lean over the crib and stretch out your arm to graze that blonde head with your thumb, so soft so delicate. The baby doesn’t flitch one bit so you linger extra seconds to stroke her cheek. You can’t help, but still feel incredulous to have given birth to a daughter. You were a mom now. A single, a young, inexperienced mom, yet you were one.
She had noticed you from afar. Her mouth slightly agape. Her heart going crazy at the sight of you. She lifts a hand to her chest, in the hope of quieting down her crazy heartbeat, but she fails at keeping her emotions at bay. You were beautiful, gorgeous, luminous. A year had passed but you looked exactly the same, slightly matured maybe, in a good way. Your loose hair, pushed behind your ears, revealed those precious features of yours. Those that not even for a moment, Mildred had forgotten. It had grown and was now slightly touching your mid back, ending with soft caramel curls.
She approaches closer, both slowly but firmly. Curiously as she had lost sight of you for quite some time now. She notices the crib, and a small smile creeps on her lips. She’s almost sure that’s a baby you’re babysitting, since your love for children was never a secret to her.
A part of her wants to talk to you, see how have you been, but did she really have the right to do so after pushing you away so insistently? Mildred knows her faults; she knows how badly she had pushed your buttons and not a day passed smoothly for her, since that sense of guilt never really left her. She shakes her head and a groan escapes from her mouth. “Fuck”, she mutters to herself, as she slides her fingertips through her hair. She needed to apologize, she wanted to make it up to you, but how? “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”, she leans on the shelf in front of her in order to collect some steady breaths.
She firmly closes her eyes for a moment, feeling them burning already. A single tear slips down her cheek, touching her upper lip. She madly wipes it with the back of her hand and takes another shaky breath. She can’t lie to herself, she had missed you. She regretted the choice to push you away, the exact moment she did so. The ache in her chest, the one that has never really left her, was coming back more painful, sharper even.
She lets her hands drop to the hips in a gesture of pure frustration, but while doing so a pack of pasta falls from the shelf. “Shit”, Mildred turns pale as she quickly grabs the item that has fallen on the floor to replace it in its spot.
Startled by the sudden noise, you lift your gaze to her direction. Once you recognize the figure standing in front of you, your mouth parts open to say something, but no word comes out. Those beautiful dark orbs you fell in love with months ago were there. You look so lost, your brows meet in a confused frown, partly scared too, and Mildred sees that. The woman lets out a soft whimper as the familiar feeling of warmth invades her low abdomen. Her heart feels like exploding and her throat tightens, making her feel like someone is trying to suffocate her. “Hi”, she mouths to you, her eyes glistering with tears.
You lightly shake your head and your fingers turn pale as they tighten around the stroller. Mildred notices the discomfort of your posture; the way your arms are shaking. All she wants is to wrap her arms around your smaller figure and suck away all the pain she had caused to you. Make it hers. You want to turn around and leave, but something stops you. Mildred sees the intention through your eyes that has never lied to her, so she approaches closer.
How dare she, after pushing you away, coming towards you like that?
“Y/n”, her voice comes to your ears so softly, you think you’ve just imagined it. And you hated to admit to yourself how much you had missed hearing it. How much you had missed her calling you by your name. Mildred swallows hard, as she keeps walking. Her eyes sparkle with emotion and her lip quivers, despite keeping it trapped among her teeth.
You divert your gaze from hers and tiredly shake your head, as to beg her not to hurt you all over again. You still loved her. You never stopped having feelings for her. But you couldn’t go through all that surrow anew. “What-”, your voice comes out as thin as melting ice. You feel on the verge of tears and Mildred hushes you softly. She reaches out to touch your arm so lightly, you barley feel it. “It’s okay, it’s okay…”, her voice is like velvet to your ears. And you feel like an angel just came down from the sky to lighten the weight on your shoulders. You could let yourself sink into that melody of hers. Something, though, stops you. It’s the same voice of hers, telling you she’s not like you. Screaming at you for making absurd assumptions about her sexuality. Throwing things at you for having assumed she would have wanted to kiss someone as abnormal as you.
“Miss Ratched, I-”, you keep your gaze to your daughter while you pronounce her name. Your voice comes out firm, but Mildred knows you enough to realize how hard it is for you to mask your pain. How hard it is for a person as deeply sensitive as you, to raise a wall around yourself and never let anybody in. “You shouldn’t be so close to me. People may get the wrong impression”, you say coldly.
Mildred’s lips curve upwards just a little. She knows you mean to hurt her, but she also knows that trying to hurt her, hurts you the most. You’re not like her, you’ve never been. She’s not offended by your words; actually a part of her had hoped you could take out everything you had kept inside all along. Because you never did anything. You were the quiet girl, and she was the storm. You were the light sky and she was the pitch black.
“I don’t care about what people may think”, she firmly admits, yet her voice is soft as a caress. She reaches out to cup your cheek, gently stroking it with her fingertips.
You scoff, unamused by her words. You pull away slightly. “Miss Ratched, we have nothing to discuss, so if you’ll excuse I have other matters to take care of”
Mildred promptly shakes her head. “Y/n, please. I know you’re mad at me. I know I did unspeakable things to you, and I’m sorry, I’m truly sorry, I was wrong-”, her voice cracks at the end of the sentence and you flutter your eyes closed as in a way to cope her pain. “I was wrong about all of it”, her soft, smooth hand reaches out to cup your cheek once again and at the contact, you let out a slight whimper. This time, you don’t pull away and she lets out a watery smile, as she had missed touching your skin so dearly. You start crying, as memories fill your head like a piece of rebar. So does she. You don’t understand how despite everything that has happened between the two of you, you can still feel so deeply connected to her. “It’s me”, she continues softly. “It’s Millie”, she says, hope in her tone. Her heart aches at the sight of your tormented soul. The nickname causes you to let out a low, watery chuckle, that makes the nurse’s heart fill up with joy. “Do you remember?”, she timidly asks while her eyes fill up with more tears, when you frown and nod wearily. She brushes a lock of your hair behind your ear, and you look up at her. Her heart sinks when she meets your gaze so closely.
“I searched for you, I couldn’t find you… Y/n, you have to believe me, I-”, Mildred stops to take a long shaky breath, as she cannot still believe you’re there. She feels the urge to touch you, and you see that by the way her fingers are trembling from the temptation to hold you close. A grimace appears on your lips, and you let out a sight before replying. “I only came back recently. I’m staying at my brother’s house”, you inform her, biting your lip nervousily.
Mildred seems relieved by the answer. Still she can’t put aside the thought that you didn’t exactly look like you were doing okay. She was determined to find out why. “I made a huge mistake back then, Y/n. And I-”, Mildred is interrupted once more when the baby in the crib starts making cute little noise, as to announce her presence. You sniffle a little and wet your lips before hushing the baby, gently stroking her chest with your palm, as she likes it. “It’s okay, bee. I’m here”, you say softly, offering the baby a small, yet sincere smile. The baby looks into yours eyes and reaches out to you, as to ask to be picked up. And you giggle softly, before muttering, “Alright, little princess”
Mildred’s heart melts with tenderness when she notices how you take the small child in your arms, being extra careful about placing her head on your chest. Once in your arms, Mildred see the precious baby gurgling away and she is tempted to approach, to give a better look at her, but she isn’t sure you want her to, so she bites her bottom lip, staying a couple of steps back from both of you.
Your gaze softens when you see her hesitation, and you mentally curse yourself, because you seem unable to deny something to her, especially something as simple as show her your baby. You turn around to the side, to reveal her features to her. A small smile creeps on your lips when you offer the baby your thumb that she immediately put in her mouth. That wasn’t neither the time nor the right place to breastfeed her.
“You’ve always been so natural with babies”, Mildred softly comments. You nod, placing a tender kiss on the top of the baby’s head. “What’s her name?”, she continues, bowing down a little bit to meet those big eyes and that surprisingly remind her of you.
“Diana”, you say with a tiny sparkle in your eyes. “She’s a real angel”, a gentle smile gazes your features and your head tilt to the side so that your cheek meets the baby’s head. It was quite hilarious how things had turned out for you.
“Is she your brother’s daughter?”, she casually questions you.
“Oh no, Mildred”, you divert your gaze from hers, when you see her frown a little. “Actually, I-”, you stammer, trying to contain the quiver in your voice.
“You?”, but she quickly pauses again, seeking to understand to whom the child could belong. “So you’re babysitting someone else’s baby?”, she chuckles nervously.
You shake your head firmly this time. “She’s mine. I gave birth three months ago”
The redhead’s mouth is slightly ajar at this point. She lets out a gasp of pure surprise, and her eyes water once again. You know though those aren’t exactly happy tears. “I’m happy for you, y/n”, she rasps out, her voice sounding even more insecure than before. And you notice that. “I really am”, she continues, after clearing her throat. You sigh softly, unable to find the right words to explain the way things actually were. “Your husband must be the luckiest man in the world”, she madly wipes her tears.
You promptly shake your head, laughing softly while doing so. That response confuses Mildred even more. “There’s no husband. And there is no father. It’s just me and her”, the baby girl is slowly dozing off as she keeps sucking your finger adorably.
Mildred doesn’t ask further questions, but you can tell by the look into her eyes that she is concerned about you. Maybe about the baby too. She gives you an emphatic smile, deciding to respect your silence for now. It’s not hard to figure that whatever hides behind the birth of Diana is nothing less than a big deal. “Listen, do… do you want to get a cup of tea?”, the nurse reaches out to stroke the baby’s head so gently, you feel yourself smiling. Her dark orbs are piercing right through your soul and you feel naked before her eyes.
You mouth parts open to speak, but you’re unsure of what to say.
Mildred’s hand slide over your wrist and her thumb strokes your skin in soothing circles. “Please”, she whispers gently. “Just a cup of tea”,
“Sure, Mildred”, you finally indulge, offering her a shy smile. Mildred’s eyes glimmer with emotions as she reaches out to gently stroke your hair, just like she used to. “Thank you”, she whispers.
You lock with her again and a little smirk crosses your lips while doing so. “I think it’s better to put the frozen food back though”, you say with a sigh. “I don’t want a pool in the hood of my car”
Mildred chuckles at that. “Let me help you”, she takes the initiative and pulls out the frozen food from the cart, but before placing it back in the freezer, she pauses to look at one of the pouches.
“I thought you hated beans?”, she comments, arching a brow while doing so.
You nod and chuckle, since she is right. “So you remember”, you tease, amusement written all over your features. “Apparently my brother adores those”
A hint of pink colours the redhead’s cheeks. She had missed this side of you, the playful and joyful way more than she’d have liked to admit. “I remember everything”, she says, her voice comes out quieter than before, yet full of love.
You flatten your lips, before replying, “I do too, Mildred”, your voice comes out bitter and sad. You can’t remember the good times without bringing to light the bad ones.
•
Possible part two? Anyone?
Masterlist:
One shots:
Broken - Wilhemina Venable - hurt/comfort
A day in the life - Sally Mckenna - pure fluff
Take me back to the night we met (part 1)(part 2) - Mildred Ratched - light angst/ fluff
An inappropriate joke - Wilhemina Venable - soft humorous
Tell me you love me - Sally Mckenna - fluff/Sally being clingy to be short
Somebody to die for (part 1)(part 2) - Cordelia Goode - angst
Them
Ratched (2020)
