Untitled and Unfinished (Literally)

Falling in love with Remus Lupin has been by far the scariest, yet the easiest thing Sirius Black has done in his entire years of existence.

It is both expected and unexpected, crystal clear and dark tinted.

James was the first to bring it up, late at night when it’s just him and Sirius in the common room. Remus and Peter had just come up to bed, when James casts a muffliato,even though there was no one else around.

“Everything alright, Prongs?” Sirius’ eyes find James’ as he registers the situation. James had never casted a muffliato since fifth year when Sirius had cried in his bed that first night back in Hogwarts after the summer.

“You know you can always talk to me about anything, right?” James starts. “I’m saying there’s nothing you could ever tell me that would ever change us, unless maybe if you sneak around with Evans behind my back.” Sirius laughs at that

“I know,” Sirius snorts and tilts his head to the side in confusion, the light from the fireplace casting a warm glow on his features. “But I have no idea what you’re on to right now.”

Sirius is lying.

He knows exactly what James is about, of course James would pick up on it by now. James had been a constant presence in Sirius’ life, it was about time that James sees Sirius’ feelings showing through, but for merlin’s sake, Sirius wished he had more time.

But, he supposes, it would be a relief to talk about this to someone. Sirius thinks he’d explode any day now if he has to keep walking around with a carefully wrapped package inside his brain, complete with a bow and a tag that says feelings for moony.

“Six years, Padfoot.” James laughs, “I’ve spent almost every waking moment with you for that long. Think I wouldn’t be able to tell when you’re lying?”

McGonagall: Mr. Black, if your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump as well?

Sirius: I-

Remus: He’d be the one that jumps first, Professor

James: We’d jump as well though

pairing: james potter x reader

warnings: hurt/comfort, so a bit angsty

word count: 1412

summary:requested by anon — prompt #3 (thanks. for what? for caring about me, i think.) from this list. james finally breaks down over being rejected by lily evans and seeks you for comfort.

a/n: i haven’t written anything in so long, so i hope this is good! i swear i’ll get back around to posting at a semi-constant level, but irl stuff has literally drained all my motivation to exist. anyhow, i hope you enjoy this! :)

-

Loving James Potter was a disease.

You knew this from the day you realized your feelings for him went beyond a crush, yet you still couldn’t stop your heart from beating erratically when you thought about him. It was a terrible, no good disease that occupied every second of your life. Even in your dreams, you were thinking about him.

James, James, James.

Your mind constantly replayed every shared touch, every lingering stare, and every flirtatious banter you’d experienced with him like it was a mantra. It was a painful sickness that occupied every cell in your body, making you feel warm in places you shouldn’t be when you’re thinking about your best friend and everything he did made you worship him just a little more.

And loving him was an incurable disease that settled into your heart and promptly broke it when he met Lily Evans.

You couldn’t help the pounding of your heart when you thought about him, no matter how many times you’ve told yourself that he’s in love with another and that he’d never have a place in his Lily loving heart for you. And of course, it wasn’t as if he didn’t care, because he really did. James cared in a way that you treasured. He cared with gentle hugs, by remembering your favorite snack and getting them for you, and by never hesitating to come over to your house when you were sad and bringing you your favorite movies and carrying another big hoodie for you to eventually steal.

He cared so much, that it hurt. It hurt you to be impossibly in love with him, to have him be the only possible cure for this disease, and to watch him pine over a girl so amazing, so perfect — a girl who wasn’t you. And it wasn’t that you haven’t tried getting over your feelings. You’d been on countless dates and buried into your search history was, “how to get over your feelings for someone” and “how to fall out of love with your best friend”. 

And now, you were seeing him in a way that you’d never had before.

It was a bit pitiful, honestly. James was curled up into a ball, his head in your lap. Your back was against his bed frame, and your hands were running through his untamable hair. Occasionally, he’d hiccup, the exhaustion of sobbing for so long finally catching up to him. And you wished you could do more for him, the way that he did so much for you.

“James, honey, do you want to talk about it?” You asked softly, peering down at him.

“I dunno…” James hiccupped again, “Have I not been trying hard enough, (N/N)?”

You continued to run your hands through his hair, “Of course you’ve been trying hard enough, darling. You charmed flowers into making them sing for Lily, James. That’s impressive magic, and you did even more than that. Afterward, you went up to her and…”

“And embarrassed Merlin’s pants off of myself. I asked her out, gave her an expensive locket, and she told me straight-up that even though we’re friends now, she didn’t see me in the same way. I thought I was making progress, but she told me she wasn’t interested. At all. And she wouldn’t be. What about me isn’t good enough for her?”

You sighed, “James… There’s nothing wrong with you. And I can tell you that over and over. You’ve grown so much since first year. And I can’t say that you weren’t an asshole at some point, because you were,” You chuckled, and as you looked down at him, you noticed the slightest of smiles on his face, “But you’ve grown. You’re head boy, for Merlin’s sake. You’re intelligent, kind, and you have such a strong sense of morals. You stand up for what’s right, and you’re more determined than anyone I know. And an excellent quidditch player.”

And he was everything to you. You wanted to tell him just how much he meant to you. You wanted to tell him about how you could see the world in his eyes. His beautiful, hazel eyes, that were so genuine. You wanted to tell him how you could drown in them. You wanted to tell him how you thought he was stunning, thought his personality was so attractive. That you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. Loving him, caring for him, even pranking with him.

James whimpered a tiny bit, and you sighed softly. “Do you want me to make you some soup? You can come down to the kitchen with me while I prepare it.”

James took a minute to consider until he finally nodded. You smiled, waiting for him to get up so you could get up yourself. It was a good thing you were seen around James almost constantly, or otherwise, people might’ve found it weird that you were coming out of the boys’ dorm room. Grabbing onto his hand, you led him towards the kitchens, nodding at people you recognized. 

“Prongs, (Y/L/N)!” A distant voice yelled, and the two of you stopped. Sirius took that moment to throw his arms around your shoulders, cheerfully asking, “Where are you guys going? No invite for old Padfoot?”

“To the kitchens,” you said as James said, “nowhere”. You raised an eyebrow at him, but he didn’t look at you.

“Aw, am I interrupting your alone time?” Sirius joked, and you shook your head no at him. ‘Not the time,’ you mouthed.

“Shove off, Padfoot. C’mon, (Y/N), let’s go.” 

You furrowed your eyebrows for a moment as you watch James walk off, and taking a moment, you quickly whispered to Sirius. “Lily happened. He’ll be okay, I’m making him soup.” You pat Sirius’ arm and scampered to follow James. 

Half of you wished that James was annoyed because he wanted to spend time with you alone. You felt selfish for thinking like this, especially when he was feeling upset, but you couldn’t shut down those thoughts. You knew that James hated being so vulnerable around others, especially since he was generally an upbeat person.

“You alright?” You asked after a minute of walking beside him.

“Yeah…” James sighed, turning around to face you, “I just don’t want to talk to anyone right now. Anyone who isn’t you, at least. You’re the only one I feel okay with being vulnerable with.”

You could feel your heart racing faster as you stared into his eyes. He was being completely honest, and once again, you were reminded of just how much you utterly adored James. Everything about him was so genuine. 

“And… thanks.” James said suddenly, causing you to snap out of your thoughts.

“For what?” You raised an eyebrow, silently noting how close you and James were standing.

“For caring about me, I think. You’re… so amazing. No one can match up to you.” James took a step closer, and you could hear your heart pounding. “Thank you for being here. I know I’m mopey when it comes to Lily, and I know that I’m overwhelming to deal with sometimes. But you’ve always been here. Thank you for being my constant.”

Your eyes softened as you took a small step forward. You told yourself that he was just being platonic — he needs someone to comfort him, not to kiss. Not when it was so soon after Lily, and even if he did realize he liked you romantically, you couldn’t. It was early and entirely possible that he just viewed you as a rebound and when the relationship ends, it’d be awkward.

“I’ll always be here for you, James. You know that.”

James nodded, opening his mouth to speak again, “(Y/N)… I think I’ve realized som…”

You shook your head at him. “Don’t say it, James. I think I know what you’re going to say, and I don’t want to be a rebound. I’ve been in love with you for ages, and I refuse to be the girl who you date after you got your heartbroken because I was here. When you’re over Lily, we can talk about it again, if you still feel the same. But for now, put your mind off romance. Let’s just be James and (Y/N).”

You could see a flicker of sadness going through his eyes, but he nodded, reaching out for your hand. “Are you at least still making me soup?”

toujoursincorrect:

Sirius, clearly drunk: I love Moony!

Sirius: He has the most incredible eyes and he’s so wonderful.

Remus: blushes* aw that’s-

Sirius: Shhh! Don’t tell him!

Remus, smiling softly:Okay.