#natural living
Today is one of those days where I just can’t seem to get moving. I’m just…tired.
Tired of being so stressed out. Tired because I get so anxious every year leading up to my birthday. Tired of not being able to sleep, or sleeping way to much. Tired of binging followed by days of not eating anything. Tired of feeling so inexplicably irritated by every inconvenience because of how many have stacked up over the course of years. Tired of the nightmares and the negative thoughts and the endless struggle to find the energy to do what needs done.
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On days like this, it’s important for me to step back from my own life. Sometimes I stop being able to see everything while standing in the middle of the storm. When I move away from it— maybe I take some time to listen to lofi and chill out, or do some journaling or house chores while mom isn’t home and I can think, or go take a long walk by myself— I have a chance to look at the world for what it is.
Yes, things are tough right now. Yeah, I wasn’t dealt the best hand in life leading up to this point. I’m covered in scars both inside and out and don’t get how to act or respond to most situations.
But I’m still so young!I’ve got so much more living to do. Things to see. Stuff to experience! I’m nowhere near the end of my journey. Hell, I’ve barely just begun.
I am insignificant in the grand scheme of things. A tiny bolt holding other gears in place. Sometimes that frustrates me and makes me flustered, thinking I can’t ever reach my goals due to my setbacks. And yet, if I, that little bolt holding things together were to disappear, so many other things far beyond me would fall apart.
Yeah, I’m humble in my existence because I am not a driving force of this world. But I am still a part of everything here. Connected to it, moving with its time, and woven into so many crossroads that affect everything else.
Every person I meet, I step into their lives, if only by briefly passing by them on the street. Every choice I make, I affect something else, even if only to influence my next move. Every experience I have, whether good or bad, spills ink onto the painting that is my life and draws another line in the image until my world is full of color and an infinite amount of intersecting stories.
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This world is not just built by those with power. It’s not just influenced by people how’ve made a major, mainstream difference. Everyone, including you and me, are a part of this world. The massive web of fate, weaving through the tales of our lives isn’t made to lock us in place, but to remind us that we are a part of it. We have a place in it, and no matter which role we choose to play, this place is still our home.
It’s okay for me to have bad days, to get angry and lose my cool for a while. It’s okay for me to take the bad with the good and learn from that. It’s okay for me to struggle and break and heal and grow. It’s okay for me to exist and dream of something more for myself and others.
Because even if I don’t accomplish those dreams, I dreamt them. Even if I don’t complete what I start building, I introduced it to the world. Even if I don’t convince everyone, I inspired someone who will inspire someone else.
And when I remember that, I don’t feel so tired anymore.
Waking up to the crows cawing is the best way to start the day!
It snowed again today; big, fluffy snowflakes. They fell for hours and are still falling now. But earlier, when the grass was still peeking through the white blanket accumulating on the ground, my mom and I went for a walk to get some fresh air.
As we were walking, we began chatting pleasantly about how easy it is to take each season for granted. Personally, I used to be very uneasy and displeased whenever summer approached, and for my mother that season was always winter. And honestly? I this past year has made me realize just how much I missed in life while thinking like that.
Because of the way I was thinking and the mindset I had chosen for myself, I was only seeing things how I wanted them to be and instead of for what they were. And when you look at anything through a lens of, “I wish things were this way,” you get stuck in an infinite loop of disappointment because obviously said thing isn’t going to fit in the perfect little box you’ve created in your mind.
This realization was why I’ve spent the last year being patient and observing things for what they are instead of what I want them to be. And what I found is that I became a lot more positive in response.
I wasn’t disappointed because I held no expectations to begin with. I wasn’t shocked and in distress when things suddenly changed because I wasn’t expecting anything to go as plan in the first place. I found myself more open, loving, and flexible than ever, and the only thing I actually changed about my life was that I changed one tiny aspect of my mindset.
It was a really cool experience to go through and was super beneficial in helping with a lot of the anxiety, depression, and other mental issues I’ve been dealing with for years.
If anyone would like me to make another post on exactly what steps I used to go about changing my mindset (because it’s not usually an easy-to-figure-out or immediate process), let me know!
For now, I love you all and wish you the best in each of your individual journeys and want to remind you that it is possible to heal from any wound. It just takes time, patience, and a little understanding. So be kind to yourselves, okay?
Blessed be, everyone!
Today is a vibing-to-music-and-researching-the-best-way-to-cultivate-very-specific-plants kind of day. Next year’s food source isn’t gonna plan itself!
Every time winter rolls around I start getting super sleepy…but the second the snow comes then I almost immediately drop into full-feral-solarpunk-activist mode and begin mass scheming for the coming spring and following growing season. There’s just something about everything outside looking like a big empty canvas that throws my brain into “must fill this expanse with life and positivity even if it kills me” ya know?
If anyone is interested in making a super simple wood/hard surface cleaner check the recipe below.
I used this to dust/wipe the frame of my bed, my wooden desk, my armoir, and my windowsills.
Just mix some 1part olive oil and 1 part lemon juice for the perfect cleaner/dusting liquid. No need to buy expensive sprays or use harmful chemicals this stuff seriously works and was really easy to make.
Just be sure to buff the oil in so there is none left behind.
