#but thats okay

Today is one of those days where I just can’t seem to get moving. I’m just…tired.

Tired of being so stressed out. Tired because I get so anxious every year leading up to my birthday. Tired of not being able to sleep, or sleeping way to much. Tired of binging followed by days of not eating anything. Tired of feeling so inexplicably irritated by every inconvenience because of how many have stacked up over the course of years. Tired of the nightmares and the negative thoughts and the endless struggle to find the energy to do what needs done.

~

On days like this, it’s important for me to step back from my own life. Sometimes I stop being able to see everything while standing in the middle of the storm. When I move away from it— maybe I take some time to listen to lofi and chill out, or do some journaling or house chores while mom isn’t home and I can think, or go take a long walk by myself— I have a chance to look at the world for what it is.

Yes, things are tough right now. Yeah, I wasn’t dealt the best hand in life leading up to this point. I’m covered in scars both inside and out and don’t get how to act or respond to most situations.

But I’m still so young!I’ve got so much more living to do. Things to see. Stuff to experience! I’m nowhere near the end of my journey. Hell, I’ve barely just begun.

I am insignificant in the grand scheme of things. A tiny bolt holding other gears in place. Sometimes that frustrates me and makes me flustered, thinking I can’t ever reach my goals due to my setbacks. And yet, if I, that little bolt holding things together were to disappear, so many other things far beyond me would fall apart.

Yeah, I’m humble in my existence because I am not a driving force of this world. But I am still a part of everything here. Connected to it, moving with its time, and woven into so many crossroads that affect everything else.

Every person I meet, I step into their lives, if only by briefly passing by them on the street. Every choice I make, I affect something else, even if only to influence my next move. Every experience I have, whether good or bad, spills ink onto the painting that is my life and draws another line in the image until my world is full of color and an infinite amount of intersecting stories.

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This world is not just built by those with power. It’s not just influenced by people how’ve made a major, mainstream difference. Everyone, including you and me, are a part of this world. The massive web of fate, weaving through the tales of our lives isn’t made to lock us in place, but to remind us that we are a part of it. We have a place in it, and no matter which role we choose to play, this place is still our home.

It’s okay for me to have bad days, to get angry and lose my cool for a while. It’s okay for me to take the bad with the good and learn from that. It’s okay for me to struggle and break and heal and grow. It’s okay for me to exist and dream of something more for myself and others.

Because even if I don’t accomplish those dreams, I dreamt them. Even if I don’t complete what I start building, I introduced it to the world. Even if I don’t convince everyone, I inspired someone who will inspire someone else.

And when I remember that, I don’t feel so tired anymore.

Some days absolutely everything goes wrong bit by teeny tiny little bit.

Well… at least the weather outside looks beautiful and spring might finally be on its way.

Telaari fronds are a rather nondescript plant that grow near water in central-eastern Nagrand [Item: Greatmother’s List of Herbs].

Hapless adventurers were once tricked by Greatmother Geyah into believing that telaari fronds were a key ingredient in an elixir that would allow them to see and commune with the spirits of the dead [Quest: Material Components]. As it turns out, however, the potion was merely a test of the adventurers’ dedication and actually had no real effects whatsoever [Quest: To Meet Mother Kashur].

@taylorswift CAN’T BELIEVE MORE PEOPLE AREN’T TALKING ABOUT BENJAMIN’S LITTLE PAW ON TAYLOR’S ARM

malinwoman:

it is alarming to hear about how expensive some breeds are getting, if a malinois breeder charged 3 grand rn i would immediately assume they were shitty and taking advantage of noobs. logan haus (prestigious commercial mal kennel) recently raised their prices from 2k to 2.5k (high for mals) and made an announcement taking the time to explain it was simply the result of rising costs within their business. note again that that is a COMMERCIAL kennel, not a hobby breeder - they want to turn a profit. they sell to a crap ton of gov bodies (the list goes on and on) on top of sport homes. they have a state-of-the-art facility and put a huge amount of work into their puppies, their program is above and beyond. i guess you could argue as a commercial kennel they can absorb the costs of breeding more easily and i’m sure to an extent that’s true, but the fact remains they aren’t just trying to break even or whatever, as many breeders are.

i sympathize with the breeders who are raising costs to try to recuperate some of the vast amount of time money resources knowledge they invest into their litters, but at the same time it really does create a giant barrier for entry. what irks me the most is dog people who point to the price tag as a means of ensuring buyers are “dedicated.” yello… a bitch can be dedicated and broke… lol… and just because someone can afford to ship a 5k bouvier/poodle from across the country on a whim (something a customer who came in a while ago legit did), does not mean they are going to be any more dedicated lol…

i dont have a solution for this either but pushing it to the conversation alone is important imo! finances are a huge entry barrier to dogs and dog sport - i am extremely fortunate and well situated with regards to dog stuff in many ways, yet my shitty job and emaciated bank account have precluded me from an amount of opportunities i don’t like to think about bc it’s depressing. i have had to turn down so.. many.. bc of my circumstances. its all very well and good to talk about how dog hobbyists are dwindling and to brainstorm how to attract new blood, but the fact is one of the largest discouragements to new ppl is the financial aspect.

i appreciate the dog ppl ik who actively work to recruit and provide opportunities to new ppl, and imo a collective focus on that kind of work is going to be what revives our community. active effort in this vein is also imperative to spreading the kind of dog culture we WISH was in broad existence (acceptance of dog enthusiast practices, better responsibility and better care). esp for sports that can be incomprehensible and even a little alarming to the public, like mushing or bitework. this obviously still doesn’t address the issue of the price tag of these dogs, but it’s a start. i am not in a place rn to do much except answer interested peoples questions online and try to point them where i can, but that’s largely why i answer the same messages again and again online, bc i am passionate about dogs and i remember being set ablaze by my first glimpse at a malinois and yet having no idea at all where to BEGIN. and honestly if my first exposure to dog sports had been, like, most fb groups, i may very well have been soured on pursuing them, bc fb groups tend to crystallize all the worst parts of dog culture to handily display in one or two comment threads. i get annoyed when ppl approach me and happy at the park, but i always try to be nice and answer their questions bc i remember being the person who didn’t know the etiquette and was intrigued but with no earthly clue to go on x website or read y book. what we scoff and say should be obvious, “just google it” etc often is NOT something discernible to those outside our niche! and that kind of reaction creates a culture that discourages newcomers from asking questions for fear they will violate some etiquette they didn’t know existed. i don’t know what to do about rising costs, but this is a very real thing we can do to strengthen our community and make it more accessible.

huskyhuddle:

I haven’t bought a puppy in over 6 years. I haven’t bought a puppy at full price in over 8.

I’m looking at comments in an fb group right and people are paying 3, 4, 5k for a puppy (domestically/homegrown and no added transport costs) and it seems very run of the mill.

Now whether that’s because of the demand for every health cert and dna test under the sun, increases in care costs or an intentional way of pricing certain types of people outta the running idk.

Just thinking about how “dog people” rake others over the fiery hot coals for going to BYBs or getting “pet quality” dogs (and the breeders who breed them a hard time too) or doodles or some other designer pet creation.

The way things r going I can’t afford to spend upwards of 4K on a puppy, do vaccinations, training, transportation etc ‍♀️

I don’t breed and I’m never going to argue with someone over their price bc that’s rude af but I’m wondering how badly are we gonna price normal people out of dependable temperaments and healthy little puppy bodies? I just see the price continuing to rise and the outrage at normal folks getting whatever dog they can afford increasing.

Yes pets are a privlege but they aren’t just for the most privledged. Idk if I’m out of touch or what :/

honestly i would never pay $3k+ for a puppy. you can “roll the genetic die” in your favor as much as possible (health testing, titling/temperament testing, working, pairing to improve weaknesses, etc.), but there’s only so much you can do. $2.5k is my absolute max personally ($800-$2k preferred depending on breed).

but also, i think dog snob/elitist attitude and judgement (not just for pets, but also in sports/work/show toward newbies) and innaccessibilities (financial w/ trial fees, etc. but also travel time/location for practice, finding trainers, clubs, etc.) is only part of it. i think an even larger part is:

1. misunderstanding (need more education) on purebreds

2. both a) judgement of “just pet” dogs/breeds and b) judgement/lack of support/etc. for breed splits and new breeds

just take a look at designer dogs like doodles, pomskies, etc. many of these get popular (fad and unethical breeders aside) and people are willing to pay high price for them (3k+). i strongly believe the reason is 1. misunderstanding on purebred pedigrees/lineage. people think purebred = inbred = host of health issues. really, i think, the only way to combat that is via education of health testing, what/how linebreeding is used, etc. and that will simply just take a lot of time, patience, etc.

but i think the biggest reason is dog snob/elitist attitude toward these things.  yes doodles, pomskies, etc. are bred as fads. people like them cause they like they look of them, they’re popular, etc. what i see a lot of are dog savvy people judging that and going “why not just get a poodle”, or in some cases like shiloh shepherds, miniature american shepherds (”mini aussies”), etc., “every sport/work/show litter has some pet quality dogs”

but like… there is not enough pet quality dogs in responsible litters to ever fulfill what general pet people want. and im sorry i dont care how much you toot “this german shepherd litter from two igp3 parents will produce some pet quality dogs”, that doesn’t mean shit. one person’s idea of “pet quality” (or low/high energy or drive, etc.) is not the same as another. and lets face it. even a “pet quality” dog from a working litter is still going to be more than a byb wash out dog that had lazy couch potatoes for 5+ generations.

and honestly, there is a HUGE niche for medium sized companion-purpose dogs. everyone hears that and goes “there are a bunch of low energy/drive dogs like [insert 90% of toy breeds or 40% of giant breeds]” a lot of people don’t care for a tiny 10lb dog (esp when everyone wants to point their fingers at “little yappy biters” whenever someone even brings up “aggressive breeds” like gsds, rotties, pit bulls, etc.) or a 130lb wolfhound or mastiff or what-have-you (my god, that food bill, the space, the health, the weight [can’t pick that dog up in an emergency…]…).

so maybe if people were more accepting of breed splits (face it, someone breeding pet line german shepherds isn’t going to affect your working line or show line dogs) or new companion breeds (like shiloh shepherds) and encouraged/educated people on finding good breeders within them instead of “they’re all mutts/they don’t come in merle/etc.”, maybe we’d have more people getting involved in things, people less likely to surrender their dog because it’s ill-fit for their family, etc. because honestly those people don’t give a flying fuck if you say frenchies arent merle, and why should they care if all they’re gonna do is love their dog that you wanna hate on?

end of day, those types of people are never going to go away anyway. if someone wants a border collie look-alike but not the energy/drive/etc., by god, they’ll get it no matter where the hell it comes from. and instead of shaming, judging, and turning a blind eye to something that won’t work out, maybe we should start looking at where they’re buying, encouraging those people to do better, and encouraging buyers to the good ones, we’d have less issues.

and if you dont wanna do that, then fine. but, really, the only one’s listening to you at that point are the people who already agreed with you to begin with

Also, on a completely unrelated note, the LEGO Batman Movie interpretation is the most accurate and correct interpretation of Batman/Bruce Wayne and anyone who says otherwise can fight me  (ง •̀_•́)ง  (ง •̀_•́)ง  (ง •̀_•́)ง

do u ever just wake up from a nap not knowing what day it is

spacecampgirlfriend:

another reminder that i am 1,000 x’s more active on Twitter and Instagram these days, especially for all things voice over :’)

https://twitter.com/spacecampgf

https://www.instagram.com/spacecampgf/

If you’re wondering what I’m up to, as a human person separate from this blog!

I am now a professional voice actress for video games, animation, and commercial work. :) You can follow my game/project announcements on my Twitter/Instagram!

https://twitter.com/spacecampgf

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To infinity and..

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