“Understanding the difference between “niceness” & kindness”♡
How do I fix my “performative “niceness”
Think about “performative niceness” as a bit of a self soothing habit. It always used to feel validated in the fact that we are nice people. Decent people. Almost like feeding your ego but I believe that performative niceness is in most instances stems from people pleasing.
“What is people pleaser?”
A people pleaser is something that’s defined by Merriam-Webster as “a person who has an emotional need to please others often at the expense of his or her own desires”
This habit can stem from parenting or anything that in a sense lowers someone self-esteem. A lack of self confidence will send someone to look outside of themselves for validation.
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“Performative niceness” may also push you to limit your response to things you don’t like or don’t find generally agreeable.Remember to ask yourself if not speaking up or using your clear communication skills and establishing clear boundaries is honoring yourself and respecting yourself or further digging yourself into a hole.
Determine if exuding “niceness” rather than “kindness” is really what you should be doing. Niceness is a sense empty. It doesn’t stem out of anything truly genuine. Someone who is genuinely a horrible person or lacks morals can easily be “nice” to someone they come across in the grocery store but moving out of their way, or letting them cut them in line.
For example, because I know this is something you can all relate to or understand. Is that “nice” guy you know really a genuinely nice guy or he just portrays to others that he is nice to achieve something or not be held accountable for his lack of respect and human decency towards the women in his life or that he chases after? Exactly.
If you’re subconsciously asking yourself or wondering if others think your “kindness” is enough, it’s probably not true kindness. Kindness stems from sitting with yourself and honestly and truly deciding to do what’s best for others because you truly care.
I do not have to be “nice” if I don’t want to. But I am kind because I have others best interest in mind and dedicate my life and my time to helping people overcome the things that they are struggling with. Not because I need that validation but because I simply want to and want the world to be a better place.
Hope this was a helpful piece. Follow my aesthetic page @cooki3face on Instagram for coquette black girl aesthetics and more. <3
Love you so much, good morning, good evening, or good night. Hope you’re doing well.
