summary: y/n, the bassist of the band ‘paradís’, finds herself in middle of a 'publicity stunt’ with none other than a rival band’s drummer. porco, the mentioned member of 'marley’, doesn’t care about her at all. but they can only ignore each other for so long.
summary: y/n, the bassist of the band ‘paradís’, finds herself in middle of a 'publicity stunt’ with none other than a rival band’s drummer. porco, the mentioned member of 'marley’, doesn’t care about her at all. but they can only ignore each other for so long.
summary: y/n, the bassist of the band ‘paradís’, finds herself in middle of a 'publicity stunt’ with none other than a rival band’s drummer. porco, the mentioned member of 'marley’, doesn’t care about her at all. but they can only ignore each other for so long.
summary: y/n, the bassist of the band ‘paradís’, finds herself in middle of a 'publicity stunt’ with none other than a rival band’s drummer. porco, the mentioned member of 'marley’, doesn’t care about her at all. but they can only ignore each other for so long.
summary: y/n, the bassist of the band ‘paradís’, finds herself in middle of a 'publicity stunt’ with none other than a rival band’s drummer. porco, the mentioned member of 'marley’, doesn’t care about her at all. but they can only ignore each other for so long.
summary: y/n, the bassist of the band ‘paradís’, finds herself in middle of a 'publicity stunt’ with none other than a rival band’s drummer. porco, the mentioned member of 'marley’, doesn’t care about her at all. but they can only ignore each other for so long.
“Okay Armin, I think you’ve had enough.” Y/N says, a small smile on her lips as she pulls his freshly open beer bottle out of his hands. He was more of a wine guy, but Eren said that he had to try something new for the new year. Dumb idea, but Armin fell for it. Y/N hands the bottle to Jean, who happily accepts. “Do you even know where we are?”
The blonde nods his head, leaning towards Y/N beside him pointing at her lazily. “We… are at a party. And you, heh, tried making out with Eren’s brother…!” He sang, a laugh going along with it.
Eren throws a chocolate wrapper at Y/N. Mikasa shrugs her shoulders as she drinks from her glass. “I mean, he isn’t wrong. You’ve clearly got a thing for older men.” She says, making Eren and Jean nod in agreement.
She rolls her eyes and puts Armin back into his chair. “Whatever, you guys can babysit him. I’m gonna’ go get some fresh air.” She states, standing up with Armin trying to follow after.
“Don’t be gone too long, countdown is starting soon.” Jean warns her, taking another drink. Y/N throws him a thumbs up.
As Eren takes hold of his best friend, he calls out, “If I see you talking to Zeke—”
She flips him off.
Ymir and Historia were a well-known couple. Historia featured in countless movies and Ymir’s worked as her manager. For their fame, there was always a loud and huge party to accomodate. Y/N kept in contact with Historia and Ymir, having gone to the same high school like the rest of them. She’d seen Sasha, who was now the owner of a highly-acclaimed restaurant. Annie worked as a fight choreographer and taught self-defense on the side. Hell, she’d even seen her upperclassman Bertholdt around here, and he worked with animals.
It was very nice to see everyone in the same place again.
Y/N was guilty though, she was in fact seeking out Zeke. Part of it was because she’d never met another band member who played bass. In her two years of playing music, she had only encountered an instrumental band tonight. Others were purely singers. It was nice to have someone to relate to on a work level. The other part of her was looking for Zeke because Eren getting angry is pretty funny.
Y/N checked her watch. It was 11:56 now. Midnight would strike soon. Her plan was to just say a quick ‘happy new year’ and go back to celebrate with her friends. She wanted to be polite, and also return the pick he was showing to her that she didn’t manage to return.
Mikasa said they should probably leave after the countdown, so she didn’t have any other time to return the object.
So she heads towards the glass door to the balcony, where she thinks he is.
11:58, she bumps into someone else.
“Oh, I’m sorry—You’re Y/N!” A woman with dark hair says, stepping away from colliding with her shoulder again, “My name is Pieck, I’m the singer from Marley. You’ve met our bassist, Zeke, right? Do you think he’s attractive?”
Y/N blinks at her before forming a gentle smile. “Zeke? Oh, um, I suppose. I’m Y/N, it’s nice to meet you.” She says, shaking her hand quickly, “You look amazing tonight, I should say.”
Pieck grins back, placing a friendly hand on Y/N’s arm. “You’re too sweet. You’re looking beautiful, as you always do.” She compliments, “The band sees Paradís’ live performances on YouTube a lot, Zeke likes to keep up with his brother’s news.”
She can feel her face heating up. Pieck was so nice to her, she didn’t know what to expect. She could sit and talk to her for hours, but Y/N finds herself rejecting the idea. “That reminds me, do you know where Zeke is? I have something of his that I need to return.” She states, showing the distinct pick in her palm.
“Oh, he’s just out that way. The other balcony.” Pieck responds, pointing to the left.
11:59 already, closing to 12, she thanks Pieck and makes her way through the crowd forming in the room.
10!
It’s decently filled, all for the countdown that had begun for the minute to pass.
9!
People are pairing up and Y/N is keeping her eyes on the pick in her hand.
8!
She hears Historia cheering loudly and some flashes go off. People are filming and taking photos.
7!
Over some shoulders, she sees that the TV is streaming the city fireworks show.
6!
She looks up for a second as her shoulder collides with someone, making the pick fall from her hand.
5!
A small noise leaves the person’s mouth as they see the pick fall as well. They catch it quickly.
4!
“Why do you have this?” He mumbles out, furrowed brows as he inspects the familiar object.
3!
“I was just returning it.” She replies, looking back to the person she had bumped into, “Can I have it back?”
2!
He raises his brow at her before slowly placing the pick back into her palm.
1!
“Thanks—”
“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” Cheers right out across the room.
Someone accidentally knocks Y/N’s back and she’s nudged forward, resulting in Porco steadying her out with a hand holding hers with the pick, and the other gently on her upper arm.
“Jesus.” He grunts, looking around to see people kissing and cheering for the new year, “It’s like they can’t see anything.”
She retorts, shrugging her shoulder, “Everyone is drunk off their ass.” Then, she gets a good look at the man in front of her. “Oh, you’re Porco.”
“Mhm.” He huns half-heartedly. Y/N raises a brow at him before ignoring it. Maybe he was just pissed off that he missed the countdown. Everyone else seemed to be enjoying themselves.
Y/N looks around as well, standing up straight and clearing her throat, “Sorry again.”
He huffs back, peeling his hands from her, “Yeah, whatever.” And walks off.
’That was rude,’ She tells herself, squinting at him, ’I guess Jean has good instincts about people. Porco’s kind of mean.’
“Did I miss the countdown?” Zeke questions, standing beside her. He smelt like smoke, invading the area.
Y/N responds, “Yeah, sadly. Just met your drummer, he seems to be in a bad mood.”
Zeke waves his hand dismissively, fixing his glasses. “Oh, you get used to it. Porco always got something to whine about.” He recalls, making her grin.
“Right, uh, here.” She says, dropping the pick in his hand, “I forgot to return it, and we’re leaving soon. It’s was great meeting you, Zeke.”
He nods his head, watching her walk off. “Tell Eren I said 'hi’, we should catch up.” He says to her.
Y/N chuckles, “Will do!”
When she makes it back to her friends, Jean tosses her jacket over her shoulders. “There you are, idiot. Come on, we told Ymir that we’re going since Armin is dead-ass drunk.” He says, nudging her to the exit.
She watches as Mikasa and Eren holding Armin up by his shoulders, apologising to other party guests around them.
“That poor guy.” Y/N says, slipping her jacket on, “He’s gonna’ have such a big headache later.”
“The fucker stole Eren’s drink when he left to grab some water. I swear to God, I’ve never seen a guy down a beer so quick.” Jean states, shaking his head, “Happy New Year, by the way.”
Y/N smiles. “Happy New Year, Jean.” She says back, giving him a gentle side-hug.
The car ride is pretty funny, considering how drunk Armin is. It’s been nearly half an hour of this entertainment. Their private driver has had to shut the window between him and the passengers because Armin keeps trying to distract him. Eren pulls out his friend’s phone, going on some game and handing it back to him.
With Armin distracted, the others can rest. Y/N is asleep on Mikasa’s shoulder, out like a light. She’d spent so much time catching up with other people, she exhausted herself out. Mikasa was also tired, but awake, Eren trying to keep her warm as Jean watches Armin’s Twitter Feed.
Something catches him eye, making him pull out his own phone to check for himself.
“What the fuck…?” He murmurs.
“What is it, horseface?” Eren questions, earning a kick from the drummer. But he sees anyway, the newest tweet from one of the country’s biggest news pages. “Are you kidding me?”
Mikasa’s turn to read. She squints her eyes for a bit before sighing out, “That’s so stupid.”
“There’s gonna’ be so much talk today.” Jean sinks into his seat.
The three of them hear Armin giggling in his spot. And a few seconds later, they check their phones to see a tweet from Armin wishing everyone a happy new year.
summary:y/n, the bassist of the band 'paradís’, finds herself in middle of a 'publicity stunt’ with none other than a rival band’s drummer. porco, the mentioned member of 'marley’, doesn’t care about her at all. but they can only ignore each other for so long.
summary: y/n, the bassist of the band ‘paradís’, finds herself in middle of a 'publicity stunt’ with none other than a rival band’s drummer. porco, the mentioned member of 'marley’, doesn’t care about her at all. but they can only ignore each other for so long.
summary: y/n, the bassist of the band ‘paradís’, finds herself in middle of a 'publicity stunt’ with none other than a rival band’s drummer. porco, the mentioned member of 'marley’, doesn’t care about her at all. but they can only ignore each other for so long.
summary: y/n, the bassist of the band ‘paradís’, finds herself in middle of a 'publicity stunt’ with none other than a rival band’s drummer. porco, the mentioned member of 'marley’, doesn’t care about her at all. but they can only ignore each other for so long.
summary: y/n, the bassist of the band ‘paradís’, finds herself in middle of a 'publicity stunt’ with none other than a rival band’s drummer. porco, the mentioned member of 'marley’, doesn’t care about her at all. but they can only ignore each other for so long.
summary: y/n, the bassist of the band ‘paradís’, finds herself in middle of a 'publicity stunt’ with none other than a rival band’s drummer. porco, the mentioned member of 'marley’, doesn’t care about her at all. but they can only ignore each other for so long.
summary:y/n, the bassist of the band ‘paradís’, finds herself in middle of a 'publicity stunt’ with none other than a rival band’s drummer. porco, the mentioned member of 'marley’, doesn’t care about her at all. but they can only ignore each other for so long.
I have this PokoPiku backstory idea that is basically a massive headcanon dump. I have some 3,000 words written but something is not working so it probably won’t see the light of day. Here are some scenes the corresponding excerpts owo/
[1]
Porco undid the hair clip and put his hair back up neatly. It was time for a visit to the barber. His undercut was completely gone.
Calm days like this, when his only concern was his signature hairstyle, were a sorrowful bliss. He knew his time was numbered. He counted it with every laughter he got from Pieck. In this sieged world with no future, eight years sounded close enough to forever. They would die in one of those expeditions if they were lucky. Otherwise, someone else could have her after he expired. Worst case scenario, he could fix her up with Reiner. That tacky hunk was a try-hard but he was a capable try-hard.
Like hell he was. If Reiner was capable, Marcel would not have died.
Who was Marcel?
Who was Pieck?
Porco froze in confusion.
[2]
“Where are we?” Porco asked.
“Must be one of the Warrior confinement traps,” Marcel sighed, “let’s see when Commander Magath will let us out.”
Porco had heard of those traps for immuring misbehaving Warriors. You could not beat someone into subservience when they turned into a man-eating monster with the smallest open wound. On the other hand, they lasted longer than a normal person without food and water. The constant state of hunger and complete isolation in such cramped space could drive one crazy faster than any beating. It was one of the most haunting memories of the past Carts Pieck had shared with him.
[3]
“Porco, are you with me? Do you hear me?”
Porco just stared in silence, still stunned from the scene in his mind.
He didn’t. She asked him to follow her voice but he didn’t even hear her.
Porco forced himself to focus, then blink slowly. Pieck sighed in relief and returned a weak smile. If that simple blink was enough of a sign that he was conscious, Porco could not imagine how he looked a moment ago.
“See? He’s fine. Please relax, War Chief.” Pieck turned around to the direction of the troop on standby.
“Good,” Zeke said, releasing his grip on the blade. A string of steam escaped his palm as it healed. “Let go, Galliard.”
That was when Porco realized he was looking at Pieck on her Titan’s nape because the Cart’s entire head was in his mouth. Her armour was completely distorted, baring her nape. His teeth impaled the iron mask and sank into her skull. It was Pieck’s blood he was tasting.
[4]
He still had a bunk bed. Only the lower bunk had beddings.
Pieck shot him a knowing smile, and sat on the bed.
Porco walked over and rested his head on the bed frame. They would get rid of it soon. No one was going to sleep in the top bunk anymore. When they bought this new bed two years after Marcel’s departure because Porco had outgrown the old one, he was the one who demanded a bunk bed. He joked that Marcel would get mad if they didn’t even save him a place to sleep after such a prolonged mission.
He could feel Pieck’s gaze but Porco avoided her eyes. They did not need to talk about this now. He was not ready to talk about this now.
“Sit down, Pock,” Pieck said. Porco groaned at the nickname, which prompted a chuckle from her. He was grateful that it kind of eased the tension. Proco thought for a moment, then decided to pull the chair over and sat across from Pieck.
A/N- it’s a good chapter, I’m proud of it ;) let me know what you thought! Since this is also a cherry au, I’ll say this, this story will not affect Cherry whatsoever!
Warning- Swearing, angst, mentions of alcohol use, LONG CHAPTER! SLOWBURN, talks of death, ptsd and slight mentions of domestic violence
Pairing- Jean Kirstein x reader
(Let me know if you want to me be tagged)
————
September Thirtieth. Time: eight twenty-one am. Battery percent fifty-one.
You: I’m sorry about yesterday. Things happened and I couldn’t make it, I wanted to let you know but my phone was dead all day. Can we make it up today?
Jean probably won’t answer anytime soon, or at all, but he needed to know you are genuinely sorry.
He might not believe you. You know you wouldn’t believe it, but from the bottom of your heart you were remorseful. And you truly did plan on making it to tutor him, but things did truly end up happening and you couldn’t go home until the next day.
Hopefully he understands. Even if you aren’t giving him a good reason, the true reason why you weren’t able to go like you agreed.
A/N- it’s a good chapter, I’m proud of it ;) let me know what you thought! Since this is also a cherry au, I’ll say this, this story will not affect Cherry whatsoever!
Warning- Swearing, angst, mentions of alcohol use, LONG CHAPTER! SLOWBURN, talks of death, ptsd and slight mentions of domestic violence
Pairing- Jean Kirstein x reader
(Let me know if you want to me be tagged)
————
September Thirtieth. Time: eight twenty-one am. Battery percent fifty-one.
You: I’m sorry about yesterday. Things happened and I couldn’t make it, I wanted to let you know but my phone was dead all day. Can we make it up today?
Jean probably won’t answer anytime soon, or at all, but he needed to know you are genuinely sorry.
He might not believe you. You know you wouldn’t believe it, but from the bottom of your heart you were remorseful. And you truly did plan on making it to tutor him, but things did truly end up happening and you couldn’t go home until the next day.
Hopefully he understands. Even if you aren’t giving him a good reason, the true reason why you weren’t able to go like you agreed.
You probably seem like such a bitch, damn.
Fuck.
You exhale quivers and you stop outside some black gates to glance at your phone screen to see if Jean had answered.
But no, only Eren and Furlan messaged you about a hundred times this morning—you’ll answer them after…you visit Marco.
With that thought out, you put your phone away and hesitate a few minutes outside the black metal gates to contemplate walking in. You’ve only visited him once after the accident, exactly a year after because your therapist said you were ready to face the reality of the outcome. You stayed in front of his grave for about five minutes and just stared at it the whole time before leaving. You haven’t returned ever since, it’s been two years since then. And it’s been three years since he died.
Why exactly did you find yourself at the cemetery right now? Well ever since you were in that trippy place, the memories of him have plagued your mind. Walking to the cemetery early in the morning on your way home is the only time you knew you would be able to force yourself to come.
Completely walking in seems harder than it should be though. Albeit you are able to at least walk past the black gates; but the way to his grave seemed like hundreds miles away, like it was out of reach. Like it was at the end of a dark tunnel that didn’t seem to have an end.
Your heart kept insisting you to move, but your mind…the guilt you carried held you back again. No matter how many sessions you’ve had in therapy, no matter how many times people have told you that you weren’t at fault for his death, you haven’t been able to feel anything else but guilt and grief. Three years has not been enough time to process his death or the accident that caused his unfortunate doom. If you’re honest with yourself, it’s felt like you’ve been stuck these past three years. Life has been a dark recurring endless loop, same thing day after day.
You want to break out of that loop that’s kept you trapped, recently you have felt cracks that let light shine through, but you’re still stuck.
Maybe you do need to talk to your therapist again.
Anyhow, you’re already here, standing on the gravel path. You have a bouquet of flowers in your hand, you don’t need to stay for hours, just put the flowers down and maybe talk for a few minutes and then return home. No biggie.
“I can move my legs and walk there,” you say to yourself, “I can do it.” You glance at the white lilies in your hands and then glance at your path ahead. You continue to contemplate for a few more seconds, but you end that hesitation by drawing in a deep breath and slowly releasing it out of your lungs. “I can,” you say one last time before walking towards Marco’s grave in a confidence that slowly began to dwindle the closer you got.
By the time you were facing his grave that confidence was nonexistent, but you got to where you wanted so all you needed right now was courage to speak and take a step closer.
Yet fear paralyzed you. Only your eyes moved to read Marco’s name on the grey stone over and over again, as if you were trying to understand what you were reading. Everything else around you was blurred, letting you just focus on the sight in front of you, but it wasn’t enough. You could barely breathe normally, your legs cramped, they felt like when an arm or a foot fell asleep; and it began to panic you out of fear that you’d relapse and wouldn’t be able to walk again. You wanted to turn back more than anything, but you kept strong and stayed.
You force yourself to relax, and drop that tension from your shoulders and legs to slowly step forward and crouch down to put the bouquet of flowers in a small vase.
Being in front of his grave wasn’t easy whatsoever but you’re trying. However you couldn’t start with what you truly wanted to say, so you just began with something else instead.
“It’s been a while I know.” You sigh and tuck your hands in your coat pockets. “It’s also early, but well, Eric left before I woke up, like it was some one night stand.” You click your tongue and drop your eyes to the green grass and keep quiet for a few minutes before continuing. “I began talking to this guy. Or, well I began tutoring this guy, his name is Jean Kirstein….he’s uh…cute…very,”
You smile and sit down, finding it easy to talk to him only because you were pushing away what was trapped inside your heart.
“He’s a little bit of an ass, but it’s tolerable. I’ve only talked to him for a bit, but he’s….he’s nice. Sweet. I can tell, you know I’m a good judge of character.” You scoff and pull your hands out to drop them on the grass that was a bit wet due to the morning dew that was still on the ground. “But I think I screwed that up. Eric kept me with him yesterday, he….well we spent time together, so I left Jean deserted. I don’t think he’ll talk to me again. I don’t deserve it.” You stop and your eyes flicker to the stone. “I’ll apologize in person tomorrow when I go to school.”
You sigh and frown as you begin to tear the grass blades off the ground. “I know what you’re going to say…I thought you were going to break up with Eric…I was…I think about it everyday. But…” you pause and clear your throat. “Well…maybe I deserve to be with him. It’s not like he makes me feel any less lonely. Honestly I feel more alone when I’m with him, but maybe I deserve that tough love for what….happened…” You pause again and swallow back that thick lump in your throat that began to grow.
Yet it kept coming back up and it made it hard to continue talking. You didn’t have any water with you so you kept swallowing thickly until you couldn’t anymore, you tried to clear your throat, but it wouldn’t work, you couldn’t make yourself speak another word. No matter how much you strained yourself.
Tears are all that manage to form instead of words. Instead of talking you just punch the ground out of frustration. You stand to your feet and step back from the grave, you keep looking at it in hopes you could keep talking but it was too hard, you were getting too choked up, your chest was too tight and your legs shook too much.
So instead you walk away, with each step seeing your eyesight blur more and more with the tears that cloud your eyes. You feel your throat tighten and your chest only get tighter to the point you were having a hard time breathing. You rushed out the cemetery in hopes you’d feel better, but no matter how far you were getting, or how fast you were walking, you felt the same.
Which is why you thought of calling the first person that came to mind, the person that could bring you some peace of mind, but Eren wouldn’t pick up the phone. You kept calling and holding back the tears that just clouded your eyes, but he wouldn’t pick up the phone. You were alone, walking down the street with tears that you held back finally breaking out and streaming down your cheeks, and silent whispers of words finally traveling out of your lips as well. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault.”
You clench a fist and cover your mouth to silent the sob so those few people you passed wouldn’t question you. Your chest felt a little better, letting you breathe a bit better, but overall you felt terrible.
And getting home wasn’t a relief.
“Y/N?” You hear Levi calling you from the living room.
However, you ignore him and put your hood on and quicken your pace to reach your room without having him see you. “Hey, come here we need to talk.”
You keep quiet and hear him following after you at a quick pace.
“Y/N.”
“Leave me alone,” you retort in hopes he’d listen.
Just as you’re about to reach your door, Levi grabs your arm to turn you around and force this talk on you, but you didn’t want him to see that you were crying so you did the best thing you could so he’d leave you alone for sure.
“I said leave me the hell alone!” You exclaim and yank your arm away to open your door and storm inside to then slam the door shut.
When you were inside behind the locked door, you stayed in front of the door to watch his shadow leave so you could walk to the farthest end of your room and just fall on the floor to ball yourself up by hugging your knees against your chest and crying on the ground.
While you’re on the floor, you reach for the necklace you keep insisting you had, but once again it was missing so you just pressed your forehead against your knees and cry until your phone vibrated.
Thinking it was Eren, you grab it to check, but you see Jean’s contact name instead—J: Dont worry about it. I got your priorities. Consider our thing done I don’t tolerate that shit.
You stop crying, but begin to panic again.
You: No Jean, please. I’m sorry—you send him the message right away, and he takes no time to message you back.
J: I can tell you’re not serious about this so I’ll find someone else. It was nice knowing you y/n.
You jump to your feet and feel anger rise and begin to slowly push away the sadness—you: I REALLY AM SORRY, I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS—you answer right away.
You: I got caught up and I know that’s a shitty excuse but please believe that I am sorry. I really am. It won’t happen again, so please give me one more chance. Just one more chance. I really want to help you.
A few minutes pass and you impatiently wait by staying on the message page as you pace back and forth. You then drop your ass on the seat in front of your window, letting your orange cat jump onto your lap and snuggle up against you.
When the three little typing dots finally appear on the screen, your heart skips a beat and your stomach twists. You abruptly stand from your seat, causing your cat to fall off—“oops I’m so sorry Mr. Darcy.” You apologize to the orange cat who just walks off to lay on your bed.
Finally Jean’s message arrives and your heart skips again—J: One more but if it happens again I’m dropping you for good.
You grin and squeal, forgetting to take your time and answering him right away—good thing he can’t see me.
You: Thank you!
J: I’m busy after school today, and the rest week so we’ll work on my schedule from now on.
You: That’s good! Thank you!
J: Monday same time.
You mindlessly turn around and walk towards your window as you answer him—You: That’s fine. And I’m sorry again. Have a good day. Xoxo.
You shut your phone off and throw it on the seat to fist pump the air out of pure relief and happiness, in that moment hitting your knuckles on the wood and ending that joy with pain and more frustration. “Oh motherfucking shitting wall. Bitch.”
——
*JEAN’s P.O.V*
You: That’s fine. And I’m sorry again. Have a good day. Xoxo.
“Xoxo? What the hell?” Jean mumbles to himself before he begins to think of what to respond with. Not because he found it hard to think of something to tell you, but he didn’t want to look eager or like what you did was okay. Yet he was curious about your whereabouts and the reason you left him stranded and looking stupid in that booth. It had to be good. For your sake.
But again he didn’t want to seem like he was eager, so instead he just swiped away from the message app and sat on his stool as he began to procrastinate. Finding himself on your Instagram page and seeing you had just posted a picture of the glowing theatre sign, in attempts to be aesthetic.
Is that where you were?! Is that why you left him stranded? You’ve got to be kidding.
Jean stands up and runs his hands through his hair while he swipes back to the message page to complain about your reasons, but as he was going to type a lengthy rant, he stopped himself. If he sent you something complaining about the picture you’d know he was stalking you, so that wasn’t smart. So he left the page and returned to instagram, making sure he was careful not to like the picture and just scroll through his feed until he got bored and turned off his phone to look back at his painting he’s been working on for his upcoming exhibit.
He wasn’t close to done, this painting has taken longer than he expected simply because he’s lacked motivation and imagination. He only chose to paint a certain scenery at school because he found it peaceful and easy. Now though, even if he liked the red he accidently mixed on the canvas, Jean can’t seem to truly be content with his painting.
Painting nature was something simple and serene that most people found beauty in, but how can he be the best with something so simple.
That’s why he stood back and stared at his painting for a long time to try and think of something to do about it. He stared and stared hoping something would come to mind, but nothing hit him but anger out of his own failure.
That anger was quick to rise and it almost made him impulsively tear that canvas. However, right as he was going to stab the paper, a memory hit him that created an idea.
He set the painting back on the easel and backed away with his hands in his hair and his eyes on the painting with a cocky smirk on his face. Now all he felt was motivation and eagerness to work, and those feelings were so overwhelming that he didn’t think twice about the fact that you had brought him that motivation. He was so quick to rework his painting to fit the image in his mind, that the realization that he was creating your eyes out of the nature he had already painted, hit him when he was mixing colors to match your eye color that he remembered vividly. As if he was looking right at it even if all he was basing his reference off of was his memory of you.
He stopped then and turned all red. The idea to stop and just trash the painting was insistent, but what Marco told him once before was more persistent.
“Your motivation is what will keep you going. I say go with it, and who knows maybe something big will be born out of it.”
*YOU. LATER THAT DAY*
Eric: I’m sorry I left so early. I’ll talk with you later.
It’s seven pm now. You left his house at eight in the morning….
“…Y/N…”
At least he remembered to message you.
“Hey….”
Tsk.
“Y/N!”
Something small suddenly hits your head that pulls you out of your thoughts, making you rub your head and complain whilst looking up where it came from. “Ow.”
“It didn’t hurt,” Porco remarks from the top of the ladder. “Pass me that tack.”
You drop your hand and grab a tack from the plastic canister to hand him one before complaining some more. “Why didn’t you just say my name instead of making a mess.” You look up at him pinning on the Frankenstein mask on the styrofoam head, and catch his side eye.
“I did. Three times. You didn’t listen. Move.”
You step back and grab another mask from the box to have it ready for him.
“Besides, it’s not that big of a mess,” he continues to argue.
You groan and lean back on the counter since it was pretty slow at the teashop tonight. “Easy for you to say, you’re not on cleaning duty today.”
Porco rolls his eyes and grabs the last mask off the box even if you had one waiting in your hand.
“Well that’s your own fault for pissing off Levi.” He points out, making your eyebrows scrunch, but not causing you to argue against him.
Rather you pass him a tack after he moves the ladders and climbs them to pin the last mask on the last styrofoam head hanging on the wall. You’re about to comment on the mask in your hand, but you get an idea in mind and walk over to hide behind the bar to put on the mask and call him hiding your caller ID.
Porco picks up quickly out of curiosity to the ‘unknown number’ labeled on the screen, and you stifle your laughter to mock Ghostface’s voice since that’s the mask you’re wearing. “What’s your favorite scary movie?”
There’s silence from Porco so you continue. “You know it’s hazardous picking up the phone—”
He sighs through the phone and hangs up. You chuckle and walk over to him as he’s climbing down.
“Get it?” You ask him whilst you lift your mask over your face to show off your smug grin. “It’s what he says in—”
“Hilarious,” he grumbles with his usual, nonchalant straight face that only makes you laugh more.
“We should watch the movies,” you mention while you turn to close the tack canister. “Maybe you can come over with Marcel and we can have a marathon?”
Porco folds the ladder and carries it back where it belonged.
“Yeah. Sounds cool.” He says once he returns, glancing out the window at the front of the shop and pointing to Eren passing the front doors. “Ten dollars says you’ll scare him.”
You smirk, and lower your mask to run out the side door in the kitchen to beat Eren to your building’s main hall. You then rush to hide in front of the garage door since it was dimly lit and wait for him to walk in.
Once you hear the front door open you jump out without saying anything and scare Eren so much that he screams and yells out a bunch of swears before he throws his phone at you. “FUCKING. BITCH. WHAT THE HELL!”
You catch his phone and catch him running to the stairs out of fear, leaving behind Mikasa at the front door.
“So much for being a hero,” you tease him before breaking into an evil laugh as you lift your mask off your face.
“Nice,” Mikasa compliments you, completely unaffected by your jump scare.
She was even smiling.
Eren steps down the stairs and walks to you to snatch his phone from your hands and look at you with a fuming and annoyed glare. “Aren’t you supposed to be working?” He retorts as he tries to hide how hard he’s breathing.
“I am,” you answer happily. “We decided to put up Halloween decorations early, and well I wanted to have some fun with you.”
Eren huffs and rolls his eyes before walking back to the stairs and throwing you a comment over his shoulder. “You’re annoying.”
Mikasa walks past you and looks back to offer you one last smile.
“I’ll see ya later,” you snap back at him. “Bye Mikasa.” You return to the shop and throw the mask under the register to then high five Porco as he walks by to prepare a tea for a customer. He didn’t need you to tell him that his plan worked, he could read it off your face, and well he heard Eren scream.
The excitement died down after that though. Since it was a slow day there wasn’t much to do but pretend to be busy when a customer would walk in. Overall all you did was wait, make small conversation and watch the clock to wait for closing time.
“Are you going to Reiner’s game tomorrow?” You ask Porco while you wipe the counter.
“Nah,” he says. “I don’t want to. You?”
You shrug. “I’m thinking about it. There’s a party after so I’m thinking of going.”
“Ask Marcel to go with you,” Porco comments as he throws some trash away.
You quickly look over at him to bring up a question that’s been in your mind since Tuesday. “By the way, what did your brother do on Tuesday? I mean it’s rare for him to cancel plans.”
Porco doesn’t face you and walks to the bar without answering. He stays quiet when he returns to the register and makes sure not to face you when he answers. “Who knows.”
You narrow your eyes on him and begin to pick on his strange behavior, but he swiftly changes the subject. “Shops closed, we should clean up and close as soon as we can.”
You hesitate to answer and stay glued to your spot for a few minutes, yet you don’t end up pressing him, you just do as he says and leave that weird tension he seemed to have alone.
——
“And I’m saying come with me.” You press Eren from the kitchen. “You don’t work today, and I’m sure Mikasa would come if you asked!” You drop the pancake on the plate and turn off the stove. “The party will be fun and we won’t have to stay long.”
Eren groans as he walks to the cabinet beside you to grab a plate. “No,” he says bluntly. “Why don’t you ask Marcel? Or Porco?”
You put a pancake on your plate and grab the stack to walk over to the table to sit across Eren’s seat. “I asked Marcel, he’s busy. Again.” You sigh. “Porco doesn’t want to go. Please.” You turn and watch him sit in his seat and set a cup of orange juice beside his plate.
Eren grabs three pancakes and throws them on his plate to then drizzle on syrup before looking up at you and cutting his food all in the meanwhile. “Why would I go to some lame party? Rather stay home. Get high and drunk here with my girl.”
You cut your pancake and begin chewing the piece with anger. “Fine,” you grumble after you swallow the food. “I’ll just go with my other friends.”
Eren scoffs and smirks before pointing at you with his fork. “Which friends?”
You shrug and look down at your food to eat quietly.
“I mean beside me?” He keeps asking. “Or the Galliard brothers?”
You begin to play with your food and think of an answer, but not a single name comes to mind. No matter how hard you think, you didn’t have a genuine friend to mention. How sad was that.
“Historia,” you mumble and shove food in your mouth.
Eren laughs and harshly cuts the food on his plate before answering. “Sure. You know—”
“I know what you’re going to say,” you cut him off. “So why don’t you just choke on your food.”
She’s not really a friend. She’s only an attention seeker. She’s just using you for attention. Blah, blah.
Eren huffs and instead hides his smile behind his hand so as to not further piss you off. You on the other hand just pick up your phone and think of inviting Jean just because he’s the only person you thought of that wasn’t like Historia in Eren’s eyes, but he most likely wouldn’t even answer back after what you did, so that’s a no. Instead you click on Porco’s contact to message him, hoping he’d answer.
You: No to the football game but how about just the party?
You wait for him to answer and eat your food without talking to Eren. You blatantly ignore him and serve yourself another pancake, smiling sweetly at Furlan who joined you for breakfast.
Furlan notices the tension but he knows not to question it, he just eats his breakfast in silence until you direct him a question. “How’s work been?”
“Can’t complain, it’s been okay,” he answers. “How’s school?”
You shrug. “I’m passing by.”
Furlan looks over at Eren and asks him the same question, but you tune out his answer as Porco answers back—Porco: Fine. Let me know when to pick you up.
*LATER*
“You know I’m owed something for coming to Braun’s party.” Porco tells you as he gets out of the car.
You open the car door and while you’re getting out, you can’t help but admire the nice house by the beach he lives in. It wasn’t big, but it was newly built and designed in a modern way with huge windows and white exteriors.
“Did he even win his game?”
“Yeah,” you say whilst you shut the car door and run to join Porco’s side on the grass. “Imagine if he didn’t and he had people over?” You grin and he smirks at the thought whilst you both walk to the front door.
“Some lame pity party is what would happen I imagine. Who makes a party before knowing you’ll win?”
You giggle. “He does.”
Porco grins and pushes your arm. “I bet you’re the first person he invited. What did he say?”
“Oh, yeah,” you laugh and pull out your phone to show him the screenshot. “Look.”
Porco leans towards you and can’t help but let out a teasing chuckle at Reiner’s invitation. “I’d be happy if you came, y/n. You’d make the night better. Winky face.” He laughs harder and throws his head back as you open the front door, letting the music playing inside escape out the door and instantly overwhelm your hearing. Yet all you could do was laugh with Porco as you both walked inside Reiner’s house.
Albeit just as you’re making your way inside, Reiner comes to greet you both with a wide grin. “Y/N. Porco, you guys came!”
Porco clears his throat and nods all seriously, but you see the corner of his lips twitching as he tries not to laugh. You have to bite your cheek since seeing Reiner, and then seeing Porco wanting to laugh made you want to burst out laughing.
“Yeah,” you tell Reiner with a wobbly smile. “Couldn’t miss it. Congratulations by the way, on the win. I’m sorry I couldn’t go.”
“I saved our team last minute with a touchdown,” he shows off with pride. “You should’ve seen me. I was fast.” He smirks at you and Porco has to look away so as to not laugh in his face.
“I’ll catch a reel from someone.” You assure him with a smile that spreads to a grin. “We should go get some drinks now while you…greet your guests.”
“Right!” Reiner shouts. “Right! Again,” he says without looking away from you. “I’m glad you came. I’ll talk to you later.” He begins to walk past you, but stops and turns on his heels to say one last thing. “There’s some drinks that I bought especially for you. Lemonade. Soda. Water. Those little juices that come in pouches? Again, I’m glad you came.”
You grin at him and right when you’re going to answer, Porco says a witty comment. “I mean how can someone so special miss…this? Right? It’d ruin the night. Don’t you think?”
Cluelessly Reiner agrees with Porco in an attempt to flirt with you. “It’d ruin my night.” Without anything else to add, Reiner walks off and leaves you and Porco looking at each other all serious and quiet before you both break into a hearty laugh.
However, as Porco and you made your way to grab drinks in the kitchen laughing your asses off, you missed Jean walking to the living room.
He noticed you the moment you walked in though. You were hard to miss after all. In that tight black dress that you mostly covered with a red sweater that had fur around the low neckline and the end of the sleeves. Now he couldn’t say he was waiting for you, he didn’t know if you’d actually come, but he had looked at the door the exact moment you walked in with that guy. Now he seemed to feel curious over you being here.
He wanted to go to you and demand an answer for your whereabouts yesterday, but he didn’t want to look ridiculous in front of the guy you’re with. So he just let you be and walked to the living room with his friends instead.
“Oh,” you suck in air, “that’s strong, smell it.” You push the cup of some red drink to Porco’s nose and he pulls back in disgust to the strong smell. “What is this?”
“Poison. Don’t drink it.” He remarks and instead grabs himself a beer and hands you a red cup with lemonade. “Let’s go out back where this music isn’t hurting my damn ears.”
Going to the backyard was a tactic to get away from the music and crowd gathering around the drinks, but it was a mistake in the way that your friends were out there. Of course you knew you’d see them, but the moment they saw you, they began to flock around you with some giddy and loud greetings. Historia failed to greet you like the rest, but she didn’t fail to hug you and smile at you. Ymir on the other hand, hung back and just waved lazily at you.
“Where’s your twin brother Porco?” Ymir begins to tease Porco.
Said man scoffs at her reference to Marcel and answers with disdain. “Not here.” He takes a drink from his cup and makes sure to look away from her to throw her a remark. “He’s not my twin. I won’t remind you again.”
You smirk at his response but hide your reaction by looking away and drinking your lemonade.
In that exact moment you did is when you caught Jean Kirstein walking out of the house. He didn’t look over to where you were standing with your group of friends, he seemed busy drinking and talking to two people you’ve seen at school; the brunette girl was even in one of your classes, Sasha you think her name is.
Now you should’ve looked away the moment you caught him, but you let your eyes linger on him, on his black leather jacket he layered over a burgundy turtle neck shirt sweater, you focused on his hair styled back, on his smile—Damn he has a nice smile….
Your heart began to race, but you ignored that feeling and just watched him walk to the bonfire by the beach until Historia began talking to you.
The conversation wasn’t that interesting though, but you still paid attention. The party also wasn’t as entertaining, the music did play loudly from inside the house, the backyard was decorated nicely with hanging lights and torches, Reiner had some good food, but the crowd was pretty bored. No one danced, they just talked amongst themselves inside the house and the backyard. It was until the Dj arrived that the crowd seemed to wake up, but you can’t say they were that hyped over the music so soon, at least not until everyone was drunk or high enough to let loose.
You wished to be part of the crowd dancing along to the music, but Porco said he couldn’t look ridiculous amongst the crowd, no matter how many people were dancing, so you had to watch them have their fun instead. But that got boring too.
“I’m going to get a refill of my drink,” you tell Porco but don’t wait for him to answer and walk off to the kitchen to get more limonade. After you close the back door, the music that played outside didn’t penetrate inside the house whatsoever, it let the music playing inside sound freely and without getting mixed up.
And honestly the music playing inside was better. Once you refilled your cup that same music tempted you towards the living room where it played and where more people danced along to it. Unbeknownst to you whilst you walked towards the archway that led to the living room, Jean passed by behind you; the moment he caught you walking away he changed directions and quietly began following behind you like a lurking shadow.
He wanted to talk to you now that you weren’t being followed, but the moment you stopped to watch those dancing, he caught the man you came with heading towards you. Instead Jean passed beside you, catching your attention and making you stand up straight to watch him walk away instead. Now you were the one that wanted to follow him to apologize, but Porco found you inside before you could.
“You were gone too long, I couldn’t stand them alone.” He complained, causing your eyes to shift away from Jean’s retreating figure and focus on Porco standing beside you.
“It happens,” you say with a teasing smile before turning your body completely to face him with a grin. “Let’s dance.”
Porco shakes his head and looks away from you. “Nope. I’m not Marcel. Go find someone else.”
You set your cup down on a nearby counter and rush to grab Porco’s arm to keep insisting for at least one song. “Come on! Just one song and then we can, I don’t know, leave or go play that cup game they’re playing in the other living room!”
Porco’s stubborn though. “No.”
You sigh, but smirk rather quickly when you think of a way to get him to comply. “Just one dance. Or what, do you not know how?”
Porco’s eyes slide to look at you and he huffs. “I do.”
“It doesn’t seem like you do since you’re here standing all stiffly. You know if it’s skill you lack I can teach you, or Marcel can. But I did always think that twins all know the same thing since you know they’re like connected.”
“Shut up.” He hissed. “Marcel sucks at dancing. And we’re not twins!” He sets his beer down and without saying anything he grabs your hand and pulls you towards the living room where the others danced along to the music.
He stops near the edge of the crowd so he wouldn’t be squished, he grabs both of your hands to start leading you to the beat of the music that’s playing. He kept looking down at his feet the entire time to make sure he wouldn’t step on you though. And that gesture made you giggle.
On contrary to his statement he didn’t know how to dance along to the music, but you didn’t care, you were going with the moment, you were happy he danced with you after saying he wouldn’t because you knew he’d stick to his word if he really, truly wanted to. Yet he got out of his way to dance with you.
However, when the song changed to a more upbeat one that made you dance apart, he stopped and mouthed “let’s go,” since he really didn’t know. But you grabbed his hand as he was walking away and pulled him back.
Porco stayed standing stiffly and just watched as you let go of his hands and began showing him a move. At first he wasn’t going to try, but he groans and copies you.
Seeing him trying made you beam at him, and upon seeing that you began to dance a little faster and step forward expecting him to move back, Porco stumbled towards you instead.
Porco instantly felt apologetic and embarrassed but you laughed it off. He then wanted to walk away, but you grabbed his arm to hook yours with him and swiftly turn him around. He seemed hesitant and lost, but you did it again and rather than walking off he did the same move a bit faster and more repeatedly, completely making you laugh and forget the others around you and every other problem that loomed in your head.
Porco seemed to notice the tension off your shoulders and pulled away to continue dancing with you a bit more freely and a bit more “ridiculously”; you both spun together and apart. He began to let go of that bashfulness he held onto and began to enjoy himself with you. After some time you both began to do your own thing as you laughed together and just had fun dancing; he grabbed your hands and pulled you towards him to dance that way, he pulled away and you just enjoyed each other’s company.
Ultimately you both did stop though, but you had your fun so you didn’t mind anymore.
“We can leave now,” you tell him in between pants. “If you want.”
Porco chugs water and sets the empty bottle down to lock his eyes with yours and show you his disapproval before he speaks it. “No. We’re doing the cup game before. I danced with you, you’re doing that with me.”
“I don’t drink,” you remind him.
He scoffs and shrugs in a cocky manner. “We’ll do the shot at the end. Whoever loses takes a shot, you can fill your cups with cranberry juice or something sour, I don’t care. We’re playing.”
“Only if I can take a shot of something that’s not alcohol,” you keep insisting. “Or else I won’t play.”
Porco nods. “I know that. We’ll play by your rules.”
You smile and without anything else to discuss you both walk over to the other living room where the game was being played, and see Historia and the host were done losing. He noticed the two of you and made sure to loudly point you out. “Porco, y/n! Wanna play!”
“Yes!” You exclaim for Porco. “But—”
“No buts y/n, rules are rules,” Historia cut you off with a sly smile on her lips that made you smile slowly. “Four shots if the losing team doesn’t flip the cups in time.”
She knew of your no drinking rule, and played as if she didn’t know all too deviously. Which is why she suggested that version of the game instead.
“Fine,” you say confidently even if you didn’t like the ideas and wanted to back out, but couldn’t since she’d start shit.
Historia’s smile widens, but you know it’s fake and out of discontent she didn’t want to show. That’s why she bats her eyelashes and sighs as she walks around Reiner to be closer to you.
“Porco,” you say and begin walking to the other side of the table to be across from her. “Let’s win.”
“No,” Historia protests, “he’ll be with me. You can team up with…” she pauses and glances around the people gathered around and lands her eyes on someone behind you. “You. You wanted to play right?” She asks as she props her hands on the table and leans towards the person walking to your side. “Let’s play.” Her eyes shift to you and she smirks a mischievous smirk. “You’ll be a team player right, y/n?”
You sigh and hold her gaze to nod with a smirk of your own. “Let’s play.”
Historia leans back and looks to Ymir so she can place new cups and fill them with sour non-alcoholic drinks, and fill the shot glasses with some cheap tequila. You were too busy passing looks with Porco that you didn’t notice who your partner was until Porco was moved away.
And it’s when you turn your head away from Historia that you notice that she had picked Jean Kirstein to be your partner. Now you got all nervous all too quickly.
You didn’t show it though, you smiled at him and broke your silence. “Hey, Kirstein.”
“Y/N,” he says bluntly.
You smirk and fold your arms over your chest. “We’re not losing, you know that right.”
Jean holds your gaze with this serious look that makes you feel a bit flustered—“No,” he agrees. “We’re not.”
Neither of you look away and you ease your feelings with a smug smile. After that Historia breaks the interaction to begin playing.
Jean started for your team, and Porco started for his. At first Jean was having trouble flipping the cups over on the edge of the table after he would chug his drink. As soon as he got to the last cup, Porco had already finished his drink; he was only trying to flip the cup over to let Historia start her part as the cups got instantly refilled for the next player to go.
“Come on Jean. Come on,” you whisper as you hover too close beside him; to the point your chest was inches from his arm. “HURRY AND DRINK IT!” You shout out of crippling anxiety.
Jean whips his head towards you and points to his filled cheeks and mumbles something with his mouth all full, before setting the cup down to try and flip it over. You press your chest against his arm to watch him struggle, the stress over the game making your nails puncture small crescent shaped cuts in your palms.
However, Jean managed to flip his cup over first by just two seconds. But it was enough for you to run to the other end of the table to start your turn.
Now is when the atmosphere changed to a more eager and excited energy amongst the crowd around the table since Historia and you were facing off now. It made your palms begin to sweat since you felt pressured, and the feeling of Jean watching you, and the sound of him encouraging you to drink your first cup faster made your heart pound since you didn’t want to make him lose because you sucked.
“Come on! Come on!” He yelled before speaking quieter, “you can do it!”
You flip the first cup over successfully and rush to chug the second one. The drink burns your throat, but you surpass it and chug as Historia catches up—and it continues to be a close game even to the last cup.
Now the crowd got louder and you only got more nervous. You chugged the last drink and stole glances at Historia as you both drank the drink until the last drop. She however finished first and set her cup down before you could. She began to try and flip her cup over and you finished the drink on her second failed attempt.
Jean’s breath kept brushing the back of your neck as he watched you quietly and nervously from behind. It made goosebumps grow on your arms, and made it harder for you to try and flip your cup over since he stood so close.
It was hard concentrating mostly because you wanted to well….turn to tell him to step back so his cologne didn’t keep wafting up your nose and completely hypnotize you.
“You can do it. You can do it,” he whispered louder.
“Jean!” You remarked, earning a quiet sorry.
You fix your cup after your third failed attempt, and hold your breath to flip it over. This time the cup landed correctly before Historia could do it.
You didn’t register your win until Reiner announced it. “Y/N, and Jean won!”
A grin slowly spreads on your lips and without thinking you jump up and down happily before squealing and turning to embrace Jean.
He doesn’t think of what was going on so he hugs you back and you both jump together to celebrate your win.
“We won! We won!” You continue with excitement.
As if an instinct, or as if you’ve done it hundreds of times you pull away to face one another, and begin circling one another to share a moment of compliments.
“It’s all because of you!” You say with a grin. “You won us this!”
“No,” Jean rebuttals with a smile and points to you. “It was all you y/n. You did good. You were the one that didn’t hold in your drinks like me.”
You laugh and shrug. “What can I say?”
Jean scoffs lightheartedly and then smirks. “Team effort,”
“We work great together,” you finish for him.
Just as Jean is going to say something else, Historia clears her throat and stops your circling so Jean and you could face her and Porco. “Rematch?”
“No,” Porco protests without letting you speak. “I can’t drink anymore. Two was enough.”
“Aww come on,” Historia says in a sweet voice. “We’ll switch partners and I’ll work with Jean.” She makes sure to look at you when she says his name.
“No,” you breathe out with a fake smile. “It’s okay. We should go anyway.” You look at Jean and offer him a genuine smile. “Good game Kirstein.”
Historia doesn’t fight that and lets you both go with a goodnight.
Once you’re far from the crowd you pat Porco’s shoulder and ask about his current state. “How are you feeling? Want to wait in your car for the alcohol to pass?”
Porco smirks and shakes his head. “Nah, Reiner made sure not to pour any alcohol in my shots. Historia might be stumbling though.”
There’s silence for a moment before you both laugh at the thought as you walk towards his car.
The rest of the car ride was just as lighthearted. None of the problems that filled your head made themselves known for the entire car ride. It was nice. Not worrying over what you held onto, and over Eric.
If only for the night. It made you happy, especially since you had someone else so present in your mind.
*TWO DAYS LATER*
Usually, on the weekends the time you had was for working all day in the teashop, and what was left of the rest of the day was for yourself to catch up on homework.
Eric didn’t like the idea of you working all day on the weekends, but you liked working from opening and to close to keep yourself busy and keep him at a distance. He usually didn’t like coming in because of Levi. On the rare occasions Eric did come to visit you he avoided Levi at all costs and made his visit short.
Today, thankfully, he didn’t pay you a visit, he sent you text throughout the day miraculously, but he chose to see you on Monday instead. He did take forever to respond so it was hard to talk when you could sneak your phone out, or catch a break.
However, whilst on your last minutes of your ten minute break, instead of getting a late answer from Eric, you received a message from Jean.—J: hey
You smile and crouch further down to a horrible posture to answer back—you: what?
Jean doesn’t take long, but it also seems he doesn’t want to answer right away. Even if you could see he read it immediately.
J: For tomorrow do you wanna go somewhere else?
You: If that’s what you want. I don’t mind.
You grab an apple slice and begin to munch on it as he answers back—J: Fine we’ll go somewhere else. Where do you want to go?
You lower your phone and think hard of a place, but nothing comes to mind except for a one lame one.
You: we can go to my parents place, they’re gone for the month so the house is alone. If you want, of course.
Jean answers right away with for reassurance—J: are you sure that’s okay. I don’t want to get you in any trouble with your folks.
You: they won’t mind. They encourage me to visit home anyway, so.
You: But could I ask if you can give me a ride there?
J: No problem
You grin at your phone whilst you take a peek at your watch around your wrist, and stand up when you notice you have to go back—you: Thank you :)
You wait a few seconds for him to reply, but he ends up taking too long and you have to go back so you shut your phone off to shove the phone in your aprons pocket. Albeit, right when you were going to throw it in, suddenly you’re snapped back to that weird place you were at the beginning of the week.
It’s the same sand hills that laid out for miles upon miles. As you looked up out of panic, the same twinkling stars shone over your head, and when you looked behind the same white tree stood in the center of the beautiful yet scary abyss. And also like last time, you were alone.
This time instead of walking towards the tree that had wanted to suck you in last time though, you stayed put in your spot and just panicked from where you stood frozen.
Now, it was easier to note the fact that you couldn’t feel cold, or hot, the temperature was oddly just alright. As silent as it was, it wasn’t a deafening silence that let you hear everything inside your body, or the watch around your wrist. The silence was peaceful, comforting.
The only reason you were fearful was because you didn’t know why you kept being put here when it seemed no one else went through the same thing. It was just you alone in this strange place.
It could be a very relaxing place if it wasn’t for the fear that you were going crazy, and….for the fact that the streaks in the night sky began to glow brightly. The lighting seemed to ripple too and it moved forward towards the tree, making the white hue glow brighter.
The sight was captivating until you began to hear whispers. They were quiet, not distinguishable, but they seemed to come from the tree.
Alas you began to step towards it as if entranced by the voices you heard, but suddenly you were thrown back to reality. Despite that though, when you caught the time in your watch, the hands were pointing to the same time as before. No time passed. The second hand just continued to tick this time.
How fucking weird.
“Y/N,” Levi calls from the front of the break room, breaking you from your trance. “Ten minutes are up….and Uri called me.”
You put your phone away and turn to face him without giving away the fear of what just happened. You just huffed at his comment and responded with a grumble as you walked towards him. “Did he now? He didn’t bother to call me.”
“You wouldn’t answer, that’s why he called me.” Levi grumbles back and follows behind you. “So please stop letting me be your messenger and talk to your father.”
You roll your eyes and sigh, “fine I’ll answer his texts. Sorry about that.”
Before you could return to the counter, Levi stops you to add something not on topic. “I was hoping we could talk too. I don’t work tomorrow. How about we grab something to eat and talk after you’re done tutoring that guy? If that’s something you’re still doing.”
Your eyes flicker to the ground and you begin fiddling with your fingers. You answer with honesty even if you sounded like you dreaded this conversation. “I still do, he gave me a last chance…but I’m going to hang out with Eric…” you cut yourself off there and keep your back facing him, hearing his feet shift and knowing that he was upset over the news.
“It’s okay,” he assures you softly, hiding the sadness in his voice so you couldn’t hear it, but you did and it made you regret bringing up Eric—“we can try some other time. Right?”
You look at him over your shoulder and offer him a sweet smile that’s accompanied with an agreeing nod, and words. “Of course.” You can’t look at him any longer without feeling your heart crack so you turn and return to work.
Unlike Uri and Kenny, Levi held a special place in your heart. When they weren’t with you, he was, every single time, and you’ve been shit to him.
Unlike your fathers, you never wanted to lose your relationship with Levi, you fought so hard to keep him from hating you, even if he was disappointed in you, even if you fought, even if you’ve tried to please Eric by turning your back on Levi, you haven’t once attempted to lose your relationship with him. No matter how rocky your relationship was with Levi. So it hurt having to choose Eric over him, you hated that Eric put you in this position, you hated him.
But you couldn’t bring yourself to leave him either.
Not even if it feels like you’re losing Levi because of Eric. Losing him to the point of no return.
And if you lost Levi….
——
‘1 New Message from J. Delivered 7 hours ago.’
“…No, I haven’t gone home. But I’m going to go there to tutor a friend, is that okay?” You ask Uri over the phone as you throw yourself on the bed after you finish showering and taking an hour to relax.
“You’re tutoring someone?” He asks almost in excitement. “That’s nice. You didn’t say.”
You scoff, “well yeah. You announced you were going on a month-long business trip that same day I got assigned. I got distracted by your lack of acknowledgement, dad.”
“No need to be so hostile over your daddy, y/n!” You hear Kenny tell you in the background, causing you to scrunch your nose and stick your tongue out in disgust over his choice of word. “We were gonna tell you. We got distracted and you got all cold-shouldered like usual.”
“I am sorry about that, little girl,” Uri continues to add on to Kenny’s statement. “We should’ve mentioned it before. But don’t worry it is a business trip. We will be back on the first.”
Your brown cat lies on your chest and you have to push her to your stomach so you could breathe properly, and make sure to reply with resentment. “That’s what you said last time….and you left for five years,” you whisper and pull your phone away from your ear to put him on speaker and answer back to Jean.
“I am sorry,” Uri repeats himself.
J: so what are you up to today?
You smile and reply to him whilst also talking to your father—You: I was working sorry.
“So how is it going?”
Uri sighs and answers right away. It makes you imagine his smile over your simple question. “Boring. But your father is helping cure that boredom with his spontaneous attitude.”
You snicker and smile faintly at the phone. “I bet he is. Just please don’t let him bring home some child. I’m fine being an only child.”
“You’re enough of a headache,” Kenny remarks with a teasing chuckle. “Can’t handle anymore.”
You roll your eyes and Uri laughs, whilst your phone buzzes as Jean’s message comes in—J: oh sorry I didn’t know.
You: but that’s what I’ve been up to. Working.
Jean answers right away—J: Can’t imagine you in a apron and a tray in hand. Truly a sight to see
You laugh and Uri and Kenny think it’s because of them.
“Maybe next time you can tag along!” Kenny shouts, causing Uri to snap back with only his name and a whisper you didn’t catch.
“Kenny….”
Not like you minded, you were busy responding to Jean—You: Well you’ll have to come on Thursday so you can see for yourself ;) I look good in my apron.
“Well sweetheart, we have to leave you. Goodbye, we’ll talk soon.” Uri says and you mindlessly answer back.
“‘Kay bye, I love you.” You hang up the phone and read Jean’s message without thinking of what you said.
J: Only if it’s on the house and you serve me :)
You scoff but smile.
You: come and we’ll see.
J: I will. You have my word, I want to see you
J: see you working
J: I mean see you work because you’re rich you know
Uhh no.
Before you can reply he calls you instead.
“I mean I want to see if it’s true that you work and you just don’t sit there and look pretty all day.”
Pretty? Hmm. I’ll take it.
“Oh.” You smirk and sit up. “I see. So you want to see me look pretty all day?”
There’s silence for a second before he scoffs and just plays it off cool. “You know what I meant.
“Yeah,” you laugh. “I did. So what have you—” you cut yourself off when suddnely you hear Eren’s door slam shut. It makes some things in your room rattle and shake after impact, and it gets you a bit startled but you weren’t brave enough to be curious over his anger.
You’ve learned just to let him steam off when that happens, so you continue to talk to Jean. “….sorry about that, something scared me. Anyway! What have you been up to?”
“I didn’t work today so just working on school work and trying to learn off your notes.” He mentions. “Overall besides that I’ve been just relaxing when I can. How was work?”
Your heart races, and butterflies flutter in your stomach at that question. The simplicity of the question however also leaves you so baffled that you take a moment to answer back. “Uh, it was work. I don’t really mind working, besides my friend works with me today, so it was fun. That’s not including the gross old men that like to ogle and flirt with me.”
Jean huffs and understands your anger. “Spit in their drinks. That’s what they get for being creepy.”
You chuckle and shake your head. “I’m sure it’s something they’d like so maybe cat fur is a nice add on. Or something gross, so they can stop coming.”
“Snot. Cat fur will only get free meals.”
There’s silence before you completely let out your laugh over his comment. “…yeah…” you say between laughs. “That’d be gross enough. And easy enough to hide. I’ll try it, thanks for the idea.”
Jean softly laughs with you and when you’re both quiet he doesn’t hesitate to continue speaking. Only, it’s to end a nice call. “Well y/n, I’ll let you relax. I’m sure you want that. I have to finish some homework and I can’t concentrate when I’m talking with you. We’ll talk tomorrow okay?”
You sigh and nod as if he can see it. “Yeah. Good night Jean.”
“Goodnight y/n.”
——
The next day passed quickly. Before you knew it you found yourself walking to the place Jean and you agreed to meet up in the morning, alongside Eren who was walking in the same direction.
Albeit no words were passed, he was even quiet all morning. It was something everyone noted at breakfast.
“Eren,” you say, “are you okay? You’ve been quiet.” You would’ve mentioned yesterday, but that would only bother him so you leave that out and wait for an answer.
Which he doesn’t give until you’re out of the courtyard and heading towards the parking area.
“Yep.” He deadpans whilst he pulls his hair back to a low sloppy bun. “You’ll be home later?”
You blink and drift your eyes away from him to check the spot where you needed to go, seeing Jean already there. “I won’t get home until later. I’m tutoring Jean at my parents place, and then I’m going to hang out with Eric. Why?”
“Just wondering. You never say where you’ll be, what if something happens,” he argues bitterly, making you stop in your step and forcing him to come to a slow stop to turn back and continue talking. “Don’t you ever consider other people’s feelings? You’re always just up in your head thinking over your abusive ass boyfriend, you never know what’s happening around you.”
You instantly drop your curiosity and begin to worry over his current state, and you’re quick to get angry over what he said. “Look if you’re pissed Eren, you don’t take it out with me.” You spat and point to him as you take a step towards him. “I don’t know what’s up your ass, but you do not talk to me like that.” You look up at him up and down and see that he barely even tried to look presentable. He just threw on the first thing he saw and ran with it. That always meant something.
Or nothing at all. You couldn’t really tell with him like Mikasa can—maybe it’s her. Maybe they’re fighting. He always gets so upset when they’re at odds.
Still, you can’t imagine why he’d be this upset.
“So why don’t you go steam off and talk to me when you’re cool,” you continue and drop your hand whilst you step away. “Why don’t you just take the day off work and go home.”
Eren rolls his eyes and throws his hood over his head to then walk off without a word. You watch him retreat to his car for a minute until his figure gets lost in between cars. You’re hesitant to let him leave with your conversation left as it was, but you also know if he’s still angry, nothing would be solved, there would just be more anger. So instead you walk off to meet up with Jean who instantly had something to say over the conversation he witnessed.
“You okay?” He asks as his eyes seem to go to the sea of cars where Eren had walked off to.
You sigh and nod. “Yeah. It’s just…Eren being a pain in my ass.”
“You know him?” Jean continues to ask while he walks you towards his vehicle.
“Hmm,” you hum. “Very well.”
Jean peers back at you after not catching the sarcasm in your voice. “Oh.”
“Anyway,” you yawn, “you got the address I sent right?”
“Hmm.”
Without adding anything else, you get to his car and that ride was quiet too. It seemed everyone just didn’t feel like talking so much today. Right when you felt alright about the day; Eric was being responsive, none of your friends said anything to annoy you. Your parents didn’t call like they said they would, but over all things were looking out today. Eren’s attitude almost ruined it, but you ignored what he said and just kept trying to let today be an okay day.
“Damn! This is much bigger up close,” Jean muses while he slowly makes his way towards the front door behind you.
Of course you don’t have anything to comment over his impression, so you wait for him inside when you open the door, and insert the security passcode.
“I think…” Jean whispers when he finally steps inside the cold house that began to light up as you continued to walk towards the library. “I’d get lost in here….”
You scoff and smile. “Yeah. I did a few times when I was young.” To avoid having him get anymore distracted, you just avoid giving him a tour of the house and keep him in the library.
“Hey,” Jean finally talks to you instead of just thinking out loud. “So do you have a theater room in this house?”
You look over at him and catch his faint smirk playing on his lips while his eyes seem to glow from his excitement over the house—“no,” you disappoint him. “My dad Kenny says that tv rots your brain so he doesn’t have tvs in the house beside my room, and the living room for when guests come over. He does have cool arcade games though.”
Jean raises a brow over what you said but smiles nonetheless. “Cool. Cool.” He takes his leather jacket off and places it over his seat before continuing with a small smirk. “So you aren’t going to give me a tour of this place?”
You huff, but can’t keep your smile away as you take off your own coat and sit in your own seat to pull out your stuff. “Depends on how you do. If you promise you’ll do good, I just might.”
Jean flashes you a sly grin, but doesn’t respond with anything on what you said, he just sits down and copies what you do to start the tutoring session. And it seems that he really wants that tour, or he just wants to really learn what he needs because he was focused for most of the session, there were times where he began to annoy you and vice versa, but he seemed to be calm this time unlike last time. It was nice.
“You did good,” you compliment him as you shut your computer and look over to him doing the same. “You catch things quickly.”
Jean smirks and answers a bit smugly. “Yeah well, what can I say? I’m smart. I mean I got into the school didn’t I?”
“Yeah,” agree quietly and finish putting away the rest of your stuff to finally bring up something you’ve been meaning to mention. “Jean. I want to apologize for Wednesday.” You exhale slowly and avert your gaze whilst you try to hold yourself from fiddling with your hands. “Uh, I was a complete asshole for flaking on you the way I did.” You swallow thickly and completely drop your gaze even if you could feel his on you. “I didn’t want to, but…uh, things came up, my phone died and I couldn’t make it or let you know. I’m sorry.” You scoot forward in your seat and slowly drift your eyes up to look at him. “Also thank you for giving me a second chance. I do really want to help you.”
Jean scoffs and nods. You think it’s because he’s going to laugh in your face and pick up that you’re lying, but he doesn’t. “Stop saying thank you. You said it hundreds of times already. Once was enough, and uh…” now he averts his gaze, but stays with his body on the edge of his seat. “Even if I can’t say I’m okay with what you did, I do accept your apology. So you can quit apologizing, and let’s just move on, okay?”
You smile and nod with genuine relief and joy. “Thank—okay.”
or where i discuss why certain songs were included in the playlist of this series!
Being So Normal - Peach Pit
“Sometimes I can still see you
Just like I used to”
I think this song was perfect for the intro!! Even the title, it’s “normal” for porco and reader to dislike each other. Later in the story when you get to see why they dislike each other, this lyric resonates because the reader still sees porco as the dick from orientation.
2. When I Come Around - Green Day
“So uptight you been thinking about ditching me
No time to search the world around
’Cause you know where I’ll be found
When I come around
Well, I heard it all before, so don’t knock down my door
I’m a loser and a user so I don’t need no accuser
To try and slag me down because I know you’re right”
I think this one is pretty obvious. y/n dislikes whenever porco comes around, and porco likes to provoke her bc he knows she doesn’t.
3. Hot Girl Bummer - blackbear
“Fuck you, and you, and you
I hate your friends and they hate me too”
Reader doesn’t necessarily hate Porco’s friends, but she sure does hate Porco.
4. I Hate Everything About You - three days grace
I feel like even just the title is explanatory lol?? But of course as their relationship progresses, reader thinks as the chorus says, “why do i love you?”
5. Dontmakemefallinlove - cuco
The entirety of this song is perfect for what porco feels. Why can’t he stop thinking about you? Why does he care about your wellbeing so much? But this lyric resonates deeply :
“Girl, don’t make me fall in love with you
I don’t think I’m right for you”
6. Mr. Brightside - the killers
Of course i had to add the heartbreak anthem here. Um if you read the fic i think you can kind of infer where this is going. Reiner is of course the otherguy and porco is the one singing, IM COMING OUT OF MY CAGE AND IVE BEEN DOING JUST FINE (feel free to animate that pls)
7. Void- the neighbourhood
Ok this one might not be so obvious but if you have fellow english major syndrome like me (as in i read too deeply between the lines- i’m not even an english major) this one has some subtle lyrics that i think definitely point to how porco feels in y/n’s absence.
“Started with a little bit
Now I don’t know how to quit
Always feel inadequate”
At first porco was like haha no worries, it’s just a lil driving lessons here and there.. And then boom now you’re a void in his life. Now he needs you to fill the void ✋
8. Sports- beachbunny
I LOVE BEACHBUNNY (i say this like i wasnt the one who made this playlist) anywhooo
“Why are we so complicated?
Maybe love is overrated
I’m tired of waitin’, I was never good at sports
Save the games for the girls on the tennis court”
This is perfect for y/n, as she sucks at sports, and hitch who is the complete opposite. Very deep intellectual stuff. Hehe but i feel like there IS a deeper meaning behind these lyrics and its that porco and yn’s dates are so goddamn different they cant help but notice.
9. Quit- ariana grande
“And you say that I’m the devil you know and I don’t disagree
No, I don’t see the harm
They say, "You crazy, just leave him, he’ll suffocate you”
But I wanna be in your arms”
Okay so when i first heard this song i heard it from porco’s pov, but now i see it from y/n’s pov. Porco quite literally sees her as the devil (and vice versa) but for some reason they want each other. Silly little beings.
10. Scary love - the neighbourhood
Drivin’ through the city with me
Just watchin’ you glow
I’m in the passenger seat, you’re in control
(It’s on you now) Mhm
You look better every day, I swear
Really, it’s a little unfair
Baby, I’m star-struck by you
Didn’t know we’d get so far
And it’s only the start
Baby, you got me worried”
PORCOS POV for sure! It’s quite literally y/n, and he’s scared for what he’s starting tof eel for her.
11. First Date - blink 182
“In the car, I just can’t wait
To pick you up on our very first date
Is it cool if I hold your hand?
Is it wrong if I think it’s lame to dance?
Do you like my stupid hair?
Would you guess that I didn’t know what to wear?
I’m just scared of what you think
You make me nervous so I really can’t eat
Let’s go
Don’t wait
This night’s almost over
Honest, let’s make
This night last forever
Forever and ever”
This song makes pop punk emo me ugly cry. I love it sm, and it’s the perfect blend of sarcastic and affectionate for our two idiots.
honorable mentions :
high horse - kacey musgraves
“Yeah, everyone knows someone who knows someone Who thinks they’re cooler than everybody elseAnd I think we’ve seen enough, seen enough To know that you ain’t ever gonna come down So why don’t you giddy up, giddy up And ride straight out of this town”
imagine y/n listening to this and thinking about porco. it’s canon.
why - dominic fike
“Do you ever wonder why everyone is out to get you every day? Or do you question anything?”
need i explain any more?
the way i loved you - taylor swift
“He is sensible and so incredible And all my single friends are jealous He says everything I need to hear And it’s like I couldn’t ask for anything better He opens up my door and I get into his car And he says, "You look beautiful tonight” And I feel perfectly fineBut I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain And it’s 2:00 a.m. and I’m cursing your name So in love that you act insane And that’s the way I loved you"
okay, obviously reiner and y/n didn’t get too involved to begin with. but when y/n first meets him, she thinks he’s everything she wanted. but yet, her mind keeps going back to porco, who isn’t like reiner at all( (for the better)
okay, that’s it for today!! i hope you guys enjoyed my analysis, i talk entirely too much and thank you for sticking through it to the end <3
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