Pairing: Jean Kirstein x Dom Female Reader Characters: Jean Kirstein, Levi Ackerman, Sasha Braus, Connie Springer Rating:NSFW Content:Overstimulation, dacryphilia, marking, edging, brat-taming, forced submission, worship, orgasm denial
This is another request! AHHH! Thank you so much @Sayakarii for your support, I hope you enjoy it ^v^ Writing this was a blast! We stan horse boy up in here. <3
This is set in season 4 when Jean is 19-years-old :) There are NO SPOILERS for season 4 of Attack on Titan but there may be a few for the first 3 seasons. Please be wary. This is also not accurate to season 4, I’m just making shit up.
“Y/N! Watch out!” Your head snaps toward a blurred object flying towards your face. You narrowly dodge it with a quick adjustment to your in-air height. You glance back at Sasha who gave you the warning. “Thank you!” You shout back. You knew that going into battle was going to be a challenge, but never had you imagined it to be this degree. One wrong move or strayed attention and you’ll be dead in seconds. While, of course, you’re terrified – There’s also that rush of danger that seems to make you smile all the while facing almost certain death.
“Y/N I swear if you cheat death one more fucking time–” You hear a voice call out from the distance to your right. You look over to see Jean flying through the air with his brows furrowed. “Sir yes sir!” You holler before swiftly avoiding the debris flying through the air from collapsing buildings. You had always been known on the squad as the one who just barely misses death.
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“I’m tellin’ ya Y/N, this luck of yours is insane.” Connie huffs, throwing off his ODM gear. You follow suit, feeling the weight lift off of your waist. “It’s more of a curse at this point.” You joke. Feeling a strain on your neck, you rotate your head to stretch it out. “Get rest tonight.” The striking voice of your captain Levi echoes through the room. “From here on out there won’t be any breaks.” You groan quietly at his remark while you refill the tanks to your gear.
Your eyes dart up to Jean on the other side of the room. He appears grumpier than usual. In fact, it reminds you of your old training days with him as a teenager. You slide off the wooden boxes and trot over to him. “What’s with the sour look?” You ask, bending over so your eyes are level. Jean shakes his head as he continues to refill his tanks. "What? You ignoring me or something?“ You ask as you stand upright, throwing your hands on your hips. Yet still. Silence. Anger slowly bubbles inside your chest, growing impatient at his childish behaviour. "That’s it.” You grab him by the scruff of his neck and pull him towards you. “You’re coming with me.” With no further comment, he follows obediently.
Once you reach your personal quarters, you push him inside and lock the door. “Wanna tell me what that shit was about?” You ask, crossing your arms and raising an eyebrow. Jean clenches his jaw. Clearing avoiding eye contact with you. “You really don’t care. Do you?” His words catch you by surprise. “Pardon? Care about what?” “Yourself!” He yells, stepping closer toward you. “You have no fear for your own life. You go out into battle like it doesn’t matter if you return or not.” He pauses. Now frowning and heaving to himself. “Fuck you.” You look to the floorboards, trying to hide your smile as your tongue grazes over your lips. “And what does it matter to you?” You ask, looking back up at him with a cocky look plastered on your face. “Go fuck yourself.” He huffs whilst looking at you through his downturned eyebrows. “I think you should be a little nicer, Jean.” You warn, adding a vindictive emphasis on his name. “Or what?” He tests, getting in your face. Just a few mere inches away. “What can you do. Huh?” It was the one thing about him that never failed to tick you off, the headspace that he was always the one in charge no matter who he was facing. Aside from Levi of course.
You flash him a fake smile before grabbing a fistful of his hair and throwing him to his knees. Jean grips your wrist of the hand that’s tangled in his hair, trying to release the pressure on his skull. “Let’s try that again hm?” You grin, forcing him to look up at you. Jean scoffs at you and squints his eyes. “You really think you can dominate me?” His condescension just pisses you off that tiny bit more. “Yes.” You pull him in closer to you, tightening your grip which makes him wince. “I do.” He raises an eyebrow, obviously in denial that you could make him submit to you. “I’d like to see you try.” He titters. “Careful what you wish for.” You nudge the tip of your boot-covered foot against his crotch, taking note of the tent in his pants from being completely erect. “If I were mistaken, I’d say you’re enjoying this.” You tease, slighting rubbing him through his pants. “Tell me, what part made you hard? Was it when I pulled your hair? Or is it when I forced you onto your knees?” You shift in tone sent chills down his spine. Jean’s cheeks flush to a bright red, eyes slightly glazing over. You can tell he needs one more nudge to throw him into subspace. You graze your thumb over his bottom lip, now noticing him urging forward in desperation for a kiss.
You straighten yourself and walk away from Jean who remained on his knees, watching you intensely as you sit on the edge of the bed. “Come.” You command, throwing one leg over the other. Jean vigorously shakes his head as if to snap himself out of the state. “You really think I’m gonna–” “Jean.” Your tone now far more forceful. You lean forward and stare at him, eyes of ice and filled with intimidation. “I said come.” He says nothing. Strictly obeying your command, he attempts to stand. You click your tongue with displeasure. “No. Crawl to me.” Jean body visibly trembles under your command. He slowly but surely crawls on all fours and sits by your legs. “Good boy.” You lift his chin with your foot, making sure that he’s looking up at you. With no further words, you rest your leg over his shoulder. He makes no hesitation to kiss you through your clothes all the way from your ankle to your inner thigh. Worshipping your body as if you were his new God. You run your fingertips up his neck, his head tilting up with the movement. You lean further in to him, lips just inches away. Jean’s eyes begin to flutter shut, awaiting your contact. You barely sweep his lips with your own, far too light to be a kiss. “Hm. I don’t think you deserve it yet.” You whisper. His mouth gapes open yet he says nothing. A frown paints his face. You smile at his obvious frustration.
“Please…” His body jerks as your hands slowly explore his upper half. Every touch that you lay on his body just makes it all the more obvious that he’s in subspace. His sensitivity now at its max. “Please what?” You taunt. Knowing exactly what it is that he wants. He bites his bottom lip, trying to work up the nerve. “Help me…” His eyes full of desperation as he motions to his crotch. “Hurts.” You look down, considering giving him what he desires. A wicked plan brews in your mind. “Okay. Come sit up here.” You say, patting the spot beside you. Jean practically jumps to his feet and crawls over. You straddle his legs, leaving enough room to touch him.
You tie his wrists together with your belt and pull down his zipper at an almost agonisingly slow pace. Unsurprisingly, his cock springs free at the release from its previously cramped space. Jean exhales at the feeling. Even if you hadn’t known how horny he was before, it was oh so obvious now. Rock hard and already leaking precum. You smirk to yourself, taking it as a compliment. You slide your hand down his cock, coating it in his own precum. You set yourself for a rhythmic pace, not too fast for him to come yet not too slow to be dull. Jean dips his head back, engulfed in the pleasure. His mouth agape and letting out shallow breaths. You quicken your pace. His legs jolt at the sudden speed. Jean covers his mouth with his hand, knowing that anyone who walks past could hear through the door with cracks in the wood. He groans lowly, signalling that he’s close. As his voice begins to break, you let go. Taking away his stimulation and denying his orgasm. Jean whines and stares at you with a frustrated look. His flushed cheeks and heaving chest is a sight you find rather cute.
Purely out of spite from his behaviour earlier, you repeat this process. Over and over until Jean begs with tears streaming down his cheeks. You teased him until he because so sensitive that all it could take is one singular touch and he’d immediately come. “P-please! Please let me come. Please I need it so bad.” He cries out, not caring who hears. His eyes stained red from crying, the view of it all stirs an animalistic desire within you. You wrap your hand around his neck and lean in to his ear. “You wanna come so bad? Fine.” Your words send goosebumps over his body. He watches intensely as you slide your pants down just enough to expose yourself without having to remove your harnesses.
Jean inhales sharply as you hover yourself over his throbbing cock. With a devious grin, you quickly sink down. His entire length stretches your insides causing you to gasp. You had forgotten just how big he actually was. That one action is all it takes for him to reach his climax, shooting his cum deep inside of you. Jean’s body trembles from the release that he had been chasing for what felt like hours. His head rests against your shoulder where he attempts to catch his breath all the while choking back on his tears. You ignore his exhaustion and continue to bounce on him. Jean’s head springs up to look at you. “W-wha–” “You really thought I’d stop there? Oh no baby.” Your hips slam against his thighs. Jean shrieks at the overstimulation, still too sensitive from his orgasm. “Please!” He cries. “I can’t! I can’t come again! Hurts!” You remain ignorant, now picking up your pace. More tears fall from his eyes. In a moment of softness, you give in to a kiss. He hungrily kisses back, whining against your lips. “Good boy, just a little longer.” You pant, knowing that your own orgasm is vastly approaching.
As you approach the final build-up, your lips connect with his neck. Sucking deep hickies into his skin. Jean yelps at the overwhelming sensations. With your climax in close proximity, you bite down onto his shoulder. Sinking your teeth so deep into his skin that blood trickles from it. It seems as though not even Jean could compose himself as he comes for a second time, filling you completely with his semen. You ride out the high of euphoria, panting against Jean’s almost crumbling body. “If you… get off now… it’s gonna go everywhere.” He says between breaths. You laugh to yourself. “And whose fault is that mr you-can’t-dom-me.” Jean rolls his eyes and kisses your temple. “Definitely noted to listen to you next time.” You wipe his face of the now drying tears. “Levi said we should get rest tonight.” He watches as you free his hands from the belt-bind, the tightness leaving faint bruises. “Maybe don’t tell him about this…”
__________________________________________________________________ I’M BACK BITCHES I stayed up like all night writing this cos sudden inspiration. Also- Y’ALL I LEGIT MISS SUBSPACE SO MUCH WTF You know when you just like lose all concept of reality and it’s just ‘obey’ UGH Haven’t had any action in yonks heartbeenbrokesomanytimes :,)
A/N: Ahhh!! Last chapter before season 4, enjoy the fluff!
Warning- Sweet, heart melting FLUFF!!, light swearing, LONG CHAPTER! NSFW, dirty talk SMUT (it’s just a part. Not too long so for those of you who don’t like reading that stuff don’t worry, it’s towards the end, and regardless, I’llcolor the first word from where it starts, and then ends!)
Pairing- Jean Kirstein x reader
(Let me know if you want to be tagged)
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*YEAR 853*
A deep breath of air unfurls from your lungs and slowly and calmly escapes past your lips. The sand beneath your feet picks up, creating a thin sand cloud that drags back with a swift shift of your foot.
The air surrounding you is thick with anticipation, over exaggerated fear and excitement. The beating of your heart is fueled with adrenaline with no hint of fear lacing through your veins. That was a dangerous thing.
Sun beams reflect off your blade, bouncing off the metal with each twirl. When the spinning stops, on one side the ocean waves are mirrored on the shiny metal, whilst the other side captures every curve of your body as you slowly lift it, stopping the moment it’s just your cocky smirk captured on the tip of the blade.
As you take a second to register your surroundings, you capture Jean with his breath held over the use of real blades, Sasha and Connie with amused grins on their features, and Armin watching through the gaps between his fingers. Until finally you take in your cousin Mikasa shifting her fighting stance before you.
“You know,” Mikasa quips with her hand gripping her metal blade. “I like how confident you’ve become in yourself.” The corner of her lips twitch. “I think you might even beat me. For the first time.”
The air at the sea now had a distinguishable smell. Whereas when you first arrived the smell was unknown and foreign. Now you came to recognize that it was the smell of salt from the blue body of water.
Each time the breeze blew, one could taste the salt in the breeze. It was welcoming, different and appealing. After returning to Trost for a short week, you were suddenly aware of the difference between the thick, polluted city smell and the light fresh smell of the sea. After returning to the camp, you also recognized that missing the city was ridiculous. Especially after how the painted night sky looked from the sand you sat on.
The sky was littered with more stars than you could ever imagine existed, their light shone brighter than that compared to the drowned out starlight that shone over the city. From the grainy sand you could see a string of thousands of stars lined down the night sky almost daily. It looked like someone had used a paintbrush and painted a singular thick stroke of milky white stars across the dark sky. Yet none of it compared to how each phase of the moon, and each twinkling star looked mirrored on the water’s surface.
The first time you witnessed the view, you were utterly breath taken by the beauty. You actually reached for the water to feel if in some possible way the stars floated down to dance on the water’s surface. But no. When your fingers met the water, the ripple disrupted the view. Regardless though, now you made it part of your nightly routine to admire the reflection from the cold sand when the stars did shine. Albeit it was easy getting entranced by the moment. Making you unaware of anything that could go on around you. Like now.
“Why did you leave the bonfire?” Jean’s voice broke the silence, his sudden presence startling you out of your stupor.
My first AoT fic for the love of my life <3 Will there be more? Likely–but almost exclusively of him!
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Jean Kirschtein x female Reader
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Modern AU, Jean and Reader live in a cliff beachside town, childhood best friends to lovers, fluff, pining, confession, first kiss
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Reader and Jean are early college, aged roughly 18-20
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It’s 3 a.m. and you’re nowhere close to sleeping when your best friend texts you.
Are you awake?
Your eyes focus on his name headlining the top of your screen. You supposed you should have his contact saved under a nickname, or with emojis, or something indicative of your friendship. But not even his last name appears; it’s just Jean, in standard silver letters, but some part of that makes it more romantic, you think, a wonderful familiarity lost in the simplicity. No need to put on airs with him, no need to pretend your relationship is supposed to be quirky or perfect. Pretentious never suited him.
Of course I am, you type back. Your fingers felt like they might bleed with the weight. I always am when I think of you.
But you back off; you delete the words before your foolish, lovesick heart can get too carried away. If he saw your typing bubble, he doesn’t indicate; his own bubble pops up, sending a caring message within a few seconds.
Because if you’re not, don’t worry about it. Go back to sleep.
A string tugs around your heart and pulls it into your stomach.
modern! headcanons my brain requested while trying to fall asleep w/ little college major details i wanted to include hehe, also all these boys are extreme simps so, lol
includes: armin, connie, eren, jean, levi, and reiner
(a/n): pls don’t clown me on connie’s manga panel, could not find a good one for the life of me (◡﹏◡✿)
Armin would definitely be a man of culture, he’d most likely be an anthropology major with some kind of STEM minor! I can totally see him just loving the idea of language development and social issues like gentrification. He just loves educate and involve himself with anything surrounding human behavior and culture.
After some weeks in the same sociology lecture you two share, he would ask you out on a date and for sure be super nervous.
“Hey (Y/N)! Wait up!” he’d say while trying to collect his items, and himself to be honest. “I was thinking, maybe, we could go on a coffee date? Maybe enjoy some evening music this weekend? Only if you want to, obviously!”
“Now why wouldn’t I want to go on a date with you Armin?”
After his shocked expression he invites you to meet up with him at a local coffee shop near the university you two attend. The small shop would be super cozy, fairy lights dangling from one side to the other with dim lighting. There’s plenty of filled bookshelves along with loud sounds of expresso machines but it just has good vibes.
“I usually come here to read and people-watch, I’ve never brought anyone here before,” he’d confess while sitting you down near a window to look at the city street.
“How come?”
“Like to keep this place a secret,” and you can’t help but swoon that he lets you in his little secret.
After the coffee is done with and the macaroons on the table are non-existent, he takes you to a jazz lounge nearby. You two sit near the bar at a small table that was far enough for you two to chatter but close enough to watch the band play. He recounts the time he stumbled in one day because he thought he was at the bar his friends were at but to his surprise, he was greeted with a sly saxophone. He tells you how ever since that day, he has been in love with jazz music.
When the bread pudding is gone along with some white wine, you two decide it’s late. He’s gathering his things and slings his jacket over his shoulder as you two are heading out but the band starts playing their own rendition of ‘These Foolish Things (Remind Me of You)’ and he just has to stop and watch the woman on stage sing.
You can feel yourself have a butterfly brawl in your stomach at just watching how beautiful he looked in the red mood lighting as he sways slowly. He would turn to you and wrap his arm around you.
“This was the song that made me come back the next weekend,” he confesses.
And the mood just feels right! So he leans down to give you a nice kiss, and you two just walk out as soon as the singer finishes her song, hand-in-hand.
A/N- it’s a good chapter, I’m proud of it ;) let me know what you thought! Since this is also a cherry au, I’ll say this, this story will not affect Cherry whatsoever!
Warning- Swearing, angst, mentions of alcohol use, LONG CHAPTER! SLOWBURN, talks of death, ptsd and slight mentions of domestic violence
Pairing- Jean Kirstein x reader
(Let me know if you want to me be tagged)
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September Thirtieth. Time: eight twenty-one am. Battery percent fifty-one.
You: I’m sorry about yesterday. Things happened and I couldn’t make it, I wanted to let you know but my phone was dead all day. Can we make it up today?
Jean probably won’t answer anytime soon, or at all, but he needed to know you are genuinely sorry.
He might not believe you. You know you wouldn’t believe it, but from the bottom of your heart you were remorseful. And you truly did plan on making it to tutor him, but things did truly end up happening and you couldn’t go home until the next day.
Hopefully he understands. Even if you aren’t giving him a good reason, the true reason why you weren’t able to go like you agreed.
You probably seem like such a bitch, damn.
Fuck.
You exhale quivers and you stop outside some black gates to glance at your phone screen to see if Jean had answered.
But no, only Eren and Furlan messaged you about a hundred times this morning—you’ll answer them after…you visit Marco.
With that thought out, you put your phone away and hesitate a few minutes outside the black metal gates to contemplate walking in. You’ve only visited him once after the accident, exactly a year after because your therapist said you were ready to face the reality of the outcome. You stayed in front of his grave for about five minutes and just stared at it the whole time before leaving. You haven’t returned ever since, it’s been two years since then. And it’s been three years since he died.
Why exactly did you find yourself at the cemetery right now? Well ever since you were in that trippy place, the memories of him have plagued your mind. Walking to the cemetery early in the morning on your way home is the only time you knew you would be able to force yourself to come.
Completely walking in seems harder than it should be though. Albeit you are able to at least walk past the black gates; but the way to his grave seemed like hundreds miles away, like it was out of reach. Like it was at the end of a dark tunnel that didn’t seem to have an end.
Your heart kept insisting you to move, but your mind…the guilt you carried held you back again. No matter how many sessions you’ve had in therapy, no matter how many times people have told you that you weren’t at fault for his death, you haven’t been able to feel anything else but guilt and grief. Three years has not been enough time to process his death or the accident that caused his unfortunate doom. If you’re honest with yourself, it’s felt like you’ve been stuck these past three years. Life has been a dark recurring endless loop, same thing day after day.
You want to break out of that loop that’s kept you trapped, recently you have felt cracks that let light shine through, but you’re still stuck.
Maybe you do need to talk to your therapist again.
Anyhow, you’re already here, standing on the gravel path. You have a bouquet of flowers in your hand, you don’t need to stay for hours, just put the flowers down and maybe talk for a few minutes and then return home. No biggie.
“I can move my legs and walk there,” you say to yourself, “I can do it.” You glance at the white lilies in your hands and then glance at your path ahead. You continue to contemplate for a few more seconds, but you end that hesitation by drawing in a deep breath and slowly releasing it out of your lungs. “I can,” you say one last time before walking towards Marco’s grave in a confidence that slowly began to dwindle the closer you got.
By the time you were facing his grave that confidence was nonexistent, but you got to where you wanted so all you needed right now was courage to speak and take a step closer.
Yet fear paralyzed you. Only your eyes moved to read Marco’s name on the grey stone over and over again, as if you were trying to understand what you were reading. Everything else around you was blurred, letting you just focus on the sight in front of you, but it wasn’t enough. You could barely breathe normally, your legs cramped, they felt like when an arm or a foot fell asleep; and it began to panic you out of fear that you’d relapse and wouldn’t be able to walk again. You wanted to turn back more than anything, but you kept strong and stayed.
You force yourself to relax, and drop that tension from your shoulders and legs to slowly step forward and crouch down to put the bouquet of flowers in a small vase.
Being in front of his grave wasn’t easy whatsoever but you’re trying. However you couldn’t start with what you truly wanted to say, so you just began with something else instead.
“It’s been a while I know.” You sigh and tuck your hands in your coat pockets. “It’s also early, but well, Eric left before I woke up, like it was some one night stand.” You click your tongue and drop your eyes to the green grass and keep quiet for a few minutes before continuing. “I began talking to this guy. Or, well I began tutoring this guy, his name is Jean Kirstein….he’s uh…cute…very,”
You smile and sit down, finding it easy to talk to him only because you were pushing away what was trapped inside your heart.
“He’s a little bit of an ass, but it’s tolerable. I’ve only talked to him for a bit, but he’s….he’s nice. Sweet. I can tell, you know I’m a good judge of character.” You scoff and pull your hands out to drop them on the grass that was a bit wet due to the morning dew that was still on the ground. “But I think I screwed that up. Eric kept me with him yesterday, he….well we spent time together, so I left Jean deserted. I don’t think he’ll talk to me again. I don’t deserve it.” You stop and your eyes flicker to the stone. “I’ll apologize in person tomorrow when I go to school.”
You sigh and frown as you begin to tear the grass blades off the ground. “I know what you’re going to say…I thought you were going to break up with Eric…I was…I think about it everyday. But…” you pause and clear your throat. “Well…maybe I deserve to be with him. It’s not like he makes me feel any less lonely. Honestly I feel more alone when I’m with him, but maybe I deserve that tough love for what….happened…” You pause again and swallow back that thick lump in your throat that began to grow.
Yet it kept coming back up and it made it hard to continue talking. You didn’t have any water with you so you kept swallowing thickly until you couldn’t anymore, you tried to clear your throat, but it wouldn’t work, you couldn’t make yourself speak another word. No matter how much you strained yourself.
Tears are all that manage to form instead of words. Instead of talking you just punch the ground out of frustration. You stand to your feet and step back from the grave, you keep looking at it in hopes you could keep talking but it was too hard, you were getting too choked up, your chest was too tight and your legs shook too much.
So instead you walk away, with each step seeing your eyesight blur more and more with the tears that cloud your eyes. You feel your throat tighten and your chest only get tighter to the point you were having a hard time breathing. You rushed out the cemetery in hopes you’d feel better, but no matter how far you were getting, or how fast you were walking, you felt the same.
Which is why you thought of calling the first person that came to mind, the person that could bring you some peace of mind, but Eren wouldn’t pick up the phone. You kept calling and holding back the tears that just clouded your eyes, but he wouldn’t pick up the phone. You were alone, walking down the street with tears that you held back finally breaking out and streaming down your cheeks, and silent whispers of words finally traveling out of your lips as well. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault.”
You clench a fist and cover your mouth to silent the sob so those few people you passed wouldn’t question you. Your chest felt a little better, letting you breathe a bit better, but overall you felt terrible.
And getting home wasn’t a relief.
“Y/N?” You hear Levi calling you from the living room.
However, you ignore him and put your hood on and quicken your pace to reach your room without having him see you. “Hey, come here we need to talk.”
You keep quiet and hear him following after you at a quick pace.
“Y/N.”
“Leave me alone,” you retort in hopes he’d listen.
Just as you’re about to reach your door, Levi grabs your arm to turn you around and force this talk on you, but you didn’t want him to see that you were crying so you did the best thing you could so he’d leave you alone for sure.
“I said leave me the hell alone!” You exclaim and yank your arm away to open your door and storm inside to then slam the door shut.
When you were inside behind the locked door, you stayed in front of the door to watch his shadow leave so you could walk to the farthest end of your room and just fall on the floor to ball yourself up by hugging your knees against your chest and crying on the ground.
While you’re on the floor, you reach for the necklace you keep insisting you had, but once again it was missing so you just pressed your forehead against your knees and cry until your phone vibrated.
Thinking it was Eren, you grab it to check, but you see Jean’s contact name instead—J: Dont worry about it. I got your priorities. Consider our thing done I don’t tolerate that shit.
You stop crying, but begin to panic again.
You: No Jean, please. I’m sorry—you send him the message right away, and he takes no time to message you back.
J: I can tell you’re not serious about this so I’ll find someone else. It was nice knowing you y/n.
You jump to your feet and feel anger rise and begin to slowly push away the sadness—you: I REALLY AM SORRY, I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS—you answer right away.
You: I got caught up and I know that’s a shitty excuse but please believe that I am sorry. I really am. It won’t happen again, so please give me one more chance. Just one more chance. I really want to help you.
A few minutes pass and you impatiently wait by staying on the message page as you pace back and forth. You then drop your ass on the seat in front of your window, letting your orange cat jump onto your lap and snuggle up against you.
When the three little typing dots finally appear on the screen, your heart skips a beat and your stomach twists. You abruptly stand from your seat, causing your cat to fall off—“oops I’m so sorry Mr. Darcy.” You apologize to the orange cat who just walks off to lay on your bed.
Finally Jean’s message arrives and your heart skips again—J: One more but if it happens again I’m dropping you for good.
You grin and squeal, forgetting to take your time and answering him right away—good thing he can’t see me.
You: Thank you!
J: I’m busy after school today, and the rest week so we’ll work on my schedule from now on.
You: That’s good! Thank you!
J: Monday same time.
You mindlessly turn around and walk towards your window as you answer him—You: That’s fine. And I’m sorry again. Have a good day. Xoxo.
You shut your phone off and throw it on the seat to fist pump the air out of pure relief and happiness, in that moment hitting your knuckles on the wood and ending that joy with pain and more frustration. “Oh motherfucking shitting wall. Bitch.”
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*JEAN’s P.O.V*
You: That’s fine. And I’m sorry again. Have a good day. Xoxo.
“Xoxo? What the hell?” Jean mumbles to himself before he begins to think of what to respond with. Not because he found it hard to think of something to tell you, but he didn’t want to look eager or like what you did was okay. Yet he was curious about your whereabouts and the reason you left him stranded and looking stupid in that booth. It had to be good. For your sake.
But again he didn’t want to seem like he was eager, so instead he just swiped away from the message app and sat on his stool as he began to procrastinate. Finding himself on your Instagram page and seeing you had just posted a picture of the glowing theatre sign, in attempts to be aesthetic.
Is that where you were?! Is that why you left him stranded? You’ve got to be kidding.
Jean stands up and runs his hands through his hair while he swipes back to the message page to complain about your reasons, but as he was going to type a lengthy rant, he stopped himself. If he sent you something complaining about the picture you’d know he was stalking you, so that wasn’t smart. So he left the page and returned to instagram, making sure he was careful not to like the picture and just scroll through his feed until he got bored and turned off his phone to look back at his painting he’s been working on for his upcoming exhibit.
He wasn’t close to done, this painting has taken longer than he expected simply because he’s lacked motivation and imagination. He only chose to paint a certain scenery at school because he found it peaceful and easy. Now though, even if he liked the red he accidently mixed on the canvas, Jean can’t seem to truly be content with his painting.
Painting nature was something simple and serene that most people found beauty in, but how can he be the best with something so simple.
That’s why he stood back and stared at his painting for a long time to try and think of something to do about it. He stared and stared hoping something would come to mind, but nothing hit him but anger out of his own failure.
That anger was quick to rise and it almost made him impulsively tear that canvas. However, right as he was going to stab the paper, a memory hit him that created an idea.
He set the painting back on the easel and backed away with his hands in his hair and his eyes on the painting with a cocky smirk on his face. Now all he felt was motivation and eagerness to work, and those feelings were so overwhelming that he didn’t think twice about the fact that you had brought him that motivation. He was so quick to rework his painting to fit the image in his mind, that the realization that he was creating your eyes out of the nature he had already painted, hit him when he was mixing colors to match your eye color that he remembered vividly. As if he was looking right at it even if all he was basing his reference off of was his memory of you.
He stopped then and turned all red. The idea to stop and just trash the painting was insistent, but what Marco told him once before was more persistent.
“Your motivation is what will keep you going. I say go with it, and who knows maybe something big will be born out of it.”
*YOU. LATER THAT DAY*
Eric: I’m sorry I left so early. I’ll talk with you later.
It’s seven pm now. You left his house at eight in the morning….
“…Y/N…”
At least he remembered to message you.
“Hey….”
Tsk.
“Y/N!”
Something small suddenly hits your head that pulls you out of your thoughts, making you rub your head and complain whilst looking up where it came from. “Ow.”
“It didn’t hurt,” Porco remarks from the top of the ladder. “Pass me that tack.”
You drop your hand and grab a tack from the plastic canister to hand him one before complaining some more. “Why didn’t you just say my name instead of making a mess.” You look up at him pinning on the Frankenstein mask on the styrofoam head, and catch his side eye.
“I did. Three times. You didn’t listen. Move.”
You step back and grab another mask from the box to have it ready for him.
“Besides, it’s not that big of a mess,” he continues to argue.
You groan and lean back on the counter since it was pretty slow at the teashop tonight. “Easy for you to say, you’re not on cleaning duty today.”
Porco rolls his eyes and grabs the last mask off the box even if you had one waiting in your hand.
“Well that’s your own fault for pissing off Levi.” He points out, making your eyebrows scrunch, but not causing you to argue against him.
Rather you pass him a tack after he moves the ladders and climbs them to pin the last mask on the last styrofoam head hanging on the wall. You’re about to comment on the mask in your hand, but you get an idea in mind and walk over to hide behind the bar to put on the mask and call him hiding your caller ID.
Porco picks up quickly out of curiosity to the ‘unknown number’ labeled on the screen, and you stifle your laughter to mock Ghostface’s voice since that’s the mask you’re wearing. “What’s your favorite scary movie?”
There’s silence from Porco so you continue. “You know it’s hazardous picking up the phone—”
He sighs through the phone and hangs up. You chuckle and walk over to him as he’s climbing down.
“Get it?” You ask him whilst you lift your mask over your face to show off your smug grin. “It’s what he says in—”
“Hilarious,” he grumbles with his usual, nonchalant straight face that only makes you laugh more.
“We should watch the movies,” you mention while you turn to close the tack canister. “Maybe you can come over with Marcel and we can have a marathon?”
Porco folds the ladder and carries it back where it belonged.
“Yeah. Sounds cool.” He says once he returns, glancing out the window at the front of the shop and pointing to Eren passing the front doors. “Ten dollars says you’ll scare him.”
You smirk, and lower your mask to run out the side door in the kitchen to beat Eren to your building’s main hall. You then rush to hide in front of the garage door since it was dimly lit and wait for him to walk in.
Once you hear the front door open you jump out without saying anything and scare Eren so much that he screams and yells out a bunch of swears before he throws his phone at you. “FUCKING. BITCH. WHAT THE HELL!”
You catch his phone and catch him running to the stairs out of fear, leaving behind Mikasa at the front door.
“So much for being a hero,” you tease him before breaking into an evil laugh as you lift your mask off your face.
“Nice,” Mikasa compliments you, completely unaffected by your jump scare.
She was even smiling.
Eren steps down the stairs and walks to you to snatch his phone from your hands and look at you with a fuming and annoyed glare. “Aren’t you supposed to be working?” He retorts as he tries to hide how hard he’s breathing.
“I am,” you answer happily. “We decided to put up Halloween decorations early, and well I wanted to have some fun with you.”
Eren huffs and rolls his eyes before walking back to the stairs and throwing you a comment over his shoulder. “You’re annoying.”
Mikasa walks past you and looks back to offer you one last smile.
“I’ll see ya later,” you snap back at him. “Bye Mikasa.” You return to the shop and throw the mask under the register to then high five Porco as he walks by to prepare a tea for a customer. He didn’t need you to tell him that his plan worked, he could read it off your face, and well he heard Eren scream.
The excitement died down after that though. Since it was a slow day there wasn’t much to do but pretend to be busy when a customer would walk in. Overall all you did was wait, make small conversation and watch the clock to wait for closing time.
“Are you going to Reiner’s game tomorrow?” You ask Porco while you wipe the counter.
“Nah,” he says. “I don’t want to. You?”
You shrug. “I’m thinking about it. There’s a party after so I’m thinking of going.”
“Ask Marcel to go with you,” Porco comments as he throws some trash away.
You quickly look over at him to bring up a question that’s been in your mind since Tuesday. “By the way, what did your brother do on Tuesday? I mean it’s rare for him to cancel plans.”
Porco doesn’t face you and walks to the bar without answering. He stays quiet when he returns to the register and makes sure not to face you when he answers. “Who knows.”
You narrow your eyes on him and begin to pick on his strange behavior, but he swiftly changes the subject. “Shops closed, we should clean up and close as soon as we can.”
You hesitate to answer and stay glued to your spot for a few minutes, yet you don’t end up pressing him, you just do as he says and leave that weird tension he seemed to have alone.
——
“And I’m saying come with me.” You press Eren from the kitchen. “You don’t work today, and I’m sure Mikasa would come if you asked!” You drop the pancake on the plate and turn off the stove. “The party will be fun and we won’t have to stay long.”
Eren groans as he walks to the cabinet beside you to grab a plate. “No,” he says bluntly. “Why don’t you ask Marcel? Or Porco?”
You put a pancake on your plate and grab the stack to walk over to the table to sit across Eren’s seat. “I asked Marcel, he’s busy. Again.” You sigh. “Porco doesn’t want to go. Please.” You turn and watch him sit in his seat and set a cup of orange juice beside his plate.
Eren grabs three pancakes and throws them on his plate to then drizzle on syrup before looking up at you and cutting his food all in the meanwhile. “Why would I go to some lame party? Rather stay home. Get high and drunk here with my girl.”
You cut your pancake and begin chewing the piece with anger. “Fine,” you grumble after you swallow the food. “I’ll just go with my other friends.”
Eren scoffs and smirks before pointing at you with his fork. “Which friends?”
You shrug and look down at your food to eat quietly.
“I mean beside me?” He keeps asking. “Or the Galliard brothers?”
You begin to play with your food and think of an answer, but not a single name comes to mind. No matter how hard you think, you didn’t have a genuine friend to mention. How sad was that.
“Historia,” you mumble and shove food in your mouth.
Eren laughs and harshly cuts the food on his plate before answering. “Sure. You know—”
“I know what you’re going to say,” you cut him off. “So why don’t you just choke on your food.”
She’s not really a friend. She’s only an attention seeker. She’s just using you for attention. Blah, blah.
Eren huffs and instead hides his smile behind his hand so as to not further piss you off. You on the other hand just pick up your phone and think of inviting Jean just because he’s the only person you thought of that wasn’t like Historia in Eren’s eyes, but he most likely wouldn’t even answer back after what you did, so that’s a no. Instead you click on Porco’s contact to message him, hoping he’d answer.
You: No to the football game but how about just the party?
You wait for him to answer and eat your food without talking to Eren. You blatantly ignore him and serve yourself another pancake, smiling sweetly at Furlan who joined you for breakfast.
Furlan notices the tension but he knows not to question it, he just eats his breakfast in silence until you direct him a question. “How’s work been?”
“Can’t complain, it’s been okay,” he answers. “How’s school?”
You shrug. “I’m passing by.”
Furlan looks over at Eren and asks him the same question, but you tune out his answer as Porco answers back—Porco: Fine. Let me know when to pick you up.
*LATER*
“You know I’m owed something for coming to Braun’s party.” Porco tells you as he gets out of the car.
You open the car door and while you’re getting out, you can’t help but admire the nice house by the beach he lives in. It wasn’t big, but it was newly built and designed in a modern way with huge windows and white exteriors.
“Did he even win his game?”
“Yeah,” you say whilst you shut the car door and run to join Porco’s side on the grass. “Imagine if he didn’t and he had people over?” You grin and he smirks at the thought whilst you both walk to the front door.
“Some lame pity party is what would happen I imagine. Who makes a party before knowing you’ll win?”
You giggle. “He does.”
Porco grins and pushes your arm. “I bet you’re the first person he invited. What did he say?”
“Oh, yeah,” you laugh and pull out your phone to show him the screenshot. “Look.”
Porco leans towards you and can’t help but let out a teasing chuckle at Reiner’s invitation. “I’d be happy if you came, y/n. You’d make the night better. Winky face.” He laughs harder and throws his head back as you open the front door, letting the music playing inside escape out the door and instantly overwhelm your hearing. Yet all you could do was laugh with Porco as you both walked inside Reiner’s house.
Albeit just as you’re making your way inside, Reiner comes to greet you both with a wide grin. “Y/N. Porco, you guys came!”
Porco clears his throat and nods all seriously, but you see the corner of his lips twitching as he tries not to laugh. You have to bite your cheek since seeing Reiner, and then seeing Porco wanting to laugh made you want to burst out laughing.
“Yeah,” you tell Reiner with a wobbly smile. “Couldn’t miss it. Congratulations by the way, on the win. I’m sorry I couldn’t go.”
“I saved our team last minute with a touchdown,” he shows off with pride. “You should’ve seen me. I was fast.” He smirks at you and Porco has to look away so as to not laugh in his face.
“I’ll catch a reel from someone.” You assure him with a smile that spreads to a grin. “We should go get some drinks now while you…greet your guests.”
“Right!” Reiner shouts. “Right! Again,” he says without looking away from you. “I’m glad you came. I’ll talk to you later.” He begins to walk past you, but stops and turns on his heels to say one last thing. “There’s some drinks that I bought especially for you. Lemonade. Soda. Water. Those little juices that come in pouches? Again, I’m glad you came.”
You grin at him and right when you’re going to answer, Porco says a witty comment. “I mean how can someone so special miss…this? Right? It’d ruin the night. Don’t you think?”
Cluelessly Reiner agrees with Porco in an attempt to flirt with you. “It’d ruin my night.” Without anything else to add, Reiner walks off and leaves you and Porco looking at each other all serious and quiet before you both break into a hearty laugh.
However, as Porco and you made your way to grab drinks in the kitchen laughing your asses off, you missed Jean walking to the living room.
He noticed you the moment you walked in though. You were hard to miss after all. In that tight black dress that you mostly covered with a red sweater that had fur around the low neckline and the end of the sleeves. Now he couldn’t say he was waiting for you, he didn’t know if you’d actually come, but he had looked at the door the exact moment you walked in with that guy. Now he seemed to feel curious over you being here.
He wanted to go to you and demand an answer for your whereabouts yesterday, but he didn’t want to look ridiculous in front of the guy you’re with. So he just let you be and walked to the living room with his friends instead.
“Oh,” you suck in air, “that’s strong, smell it.” You push the cup of some red drink to Porco’s nose and he pulls back in disgust to the strong smell. “What is this?”
“Poison. Don’t drink it.” He remarks and instead grabs himself a beer and hands you a red cup with lemonade. “Let’s go out back where this music isn’t hurting my damn ears.”
Going to the backyard was a tactic to get away from the music and crowd gathering around the drinks, but it was a mistake in the way that your friends were out there. Of course you knew you’d see them, but the moment they saw you, they began to flock around you with some giddy and loud greetings. Historia failed to greet you like the rest, but she didn’t fail to hug you and smile at you. Ymir on the other hand, hung back and just waved lazily at you.
“Where’s your twin brother Porco?” Ymir begins to tease Porco.
Said man scoffs at her reference to Marcel and answers with disdain. “Not here.” He takes a drink from his cup and makes sure to look away from her to throw her a remark. “He’s not my twin. I won’t remind you again.”
You smirk at his response but hide your reaction by looking away and drinking your lemonade.
In that exact moment you did is when you caught Jean Kirstein walking out of the house. He didn’t look over to where you were standing with your group of friends, he seemed busy drinking and talking to two people you’ve seen at school; the brunette girl was even in one of your classes, Sasha you think her name is.
Now you should’ve looked away the moment you caught him, but you let your eyes linger on him, on his black leather jacket he layered over a burgundy turtle neck shirt sweater, you focused on his hair styled back, on his smile—Damn he has a nice smile….
Your heart began to race, but you ignored that feeling and just watched him walk to the bonfire by the beach until Historia began talking to you.
The conversation wasn’t that interesting though, but you still paid attention. The party also wasn’t as entertaining, the music did play loudly from inside the house, the backyard was decorated nicely with hanging lights and torches, Reiner had some good food, but the crowd was pretty bored. No one danced, they just talked amongst themselves inside the house and the backyard. It was until the Dj arrived that the crowd seemed to wake up, but you can’t say they were that hyped over the music so soon, at least not until everyone was drunk or high enough to let loose.
You wished to be part of the crowd dancing along to the music, but Porco said he couldn’t look ridiculous amongst the crowd, no matter how many people were dancing, so you had to watch them have their fun instead. But that got boring too.
“I’m going to get a refill of my drink,” you tell Porco but don’t wait for him to answer and walk off to the kitchen to get more limonade. After you close the back door, the music that played outside didn’t penetrate inside the house whatsoever, it let the music playing inside sound freely and without getting mixed up.
And honestly the music playing inside was better. Once you refilled your cup that same music tempted you towards the living room where it played and where more people danced along to it. Unbeknownst to you whilst you walked towards the archway that led to the living room, Jean passed by behind you; the moment he caught you walking away he changed directions and quietly began following behind you like a lurking shadow.
He wanted to talk to you now that you weren’t being followed, but the moment you stopped to watch those dancing, he caught the man you came with heading towards you. Instead Jean passed beside you, catching your attention and making you stand up straight to watch him walk away instead. Now you were the one that wanted to follow him to apologize, but Porco found you inside before you could.
“You were gone too long, I couldn’t stand them alone.” He complained, causing your eyes to shift away from Jean’s retreating figure and focus on Porco standing beside you.
“It happens,” you say with a teasing smile before turning your body completely to face him with a grin. “Let’s dance.”
Porco shakes his head and looks away from you. “Nope. I’m not Marcel. Go find someone else.”
You set your cup down on a nearby counter and rush to grab Porco’s arm to keep insisting for at least one song. “Come on! Just one song and then we can, I don’t know, leave or go play that cup game they’re playing in the other living room!”
Porco’s stubborn though. “No.”
You sigh, but smirk rather quickly when you think of a way to get him to comply. “Just one dance. Or what, do you not know how?”
Porco’s eyes slide to look at you and he huffs. “I do.”
“It doesn’t seem like you do since you’re here standing all stiffly. You know if it’s skill you lack I can teach you, or Marcel can. But I did always think that twins all know the same thing since you know they’re like connected.”
“Shut up.” He hissed. “Marcel sucks at dancing. And we’re not twins!” He sets his beer down and without saying anything he grabs your hand and pulls you towards the living room where the others danced along to the music.
He stops near the edge of the crowd so he wouldn’t be squished, he grabs both of your hands to start leading you to the beat of the music that’s playing. He kept looking down at his feet the entire time to make sure he wouldn’t step on you though. And that gesture made you giggle.
On contrary to his statement he didn’t know how to dance along to the music, but you didn’t care, you were going with the moment, you were happy he danced with you after saying he wouldn’t because you knew he’d stick to his word if he really, truly wanted to. Yet he got out of his way to dance with you.
However, when the song changed to a more upbeat one that made you dance apart, he stopped and mouthed “let’s go,” since he really didn’t know. But you grabbed his hand as he was walking away and pulled him back.
Porco stayed standing stiffly and just watched as you let go of his hands and began showing him a move. At first he wasn’t going to try, but he groans and copies you.
Seeing him trying made you beam at him, and upon seeing that you began to dance a little faster and step forward expecting him to move back, Porco stumbled towards you instead.
Porco instantly felt apologetic and embarrassed but you laughed it off. He then wanted to walk away, but you grabbed his arm to hook yours with him and swiftly turn him around. He seemed hesitant and lost, but you did it again and rather than walking off he did the same move a bit faster and more repeatedly, completely making you laugh and forget the others around you and every other problem that loomed in your head.
Porco seemed to notice the tension off your shoulders and pulled away to continue dancing with you a bit more freely and a bit more “ridiculously”; you both spun together and apart. He began to let go of that bashfulness he held onto and began to enjoy himself with you. After some time you both began to do your own thing as you laughed together and just had fun dancing; he grabbed your hands and pulled you towards him to dance that way, he pulled away and you just enjoyed each other’s company.
Ultimately you both did stop though, but you had your fun so you didn’t mind anymore.
“We can leave now,” you tell him in between pants. “If you want.”
Porco chugs water and sets the empty bottle down to lock his eyes with yours and show you his disapproval before he speaks it. “No. We’re doing the cup game before. I danced with you, you’re doing that with me.”
“I don’t drink,” you remind him.
He scoffs and shrugs in a cocky manner. “We’ll do the shot at the end. Whoever loses takes a shot, you can fill your cups with cranberry juice or something sour, I don’t care. We’re playing.”
“Only if I can take a shot of something that’s not alcohol,” you keep insisting. “Or else I won’t play.”
Porco nods. “I know that. We’ll play by your rules.”
You smile and without anything else to discuss you both walk over to the other living room where the game was being played, and see Historia and the host were done losing. He noticed the two of you and made sure to loudly point you out. “Porco, y/n! Wanna play!”
“Yes!” You exclaim for Porco. “But—”
“No buts y/n, rules are rules,” Historia cut you off with a sly smile on her lips that made you smile slowly. “Four shots if the losing team doesn’t flip the cups in time.”
She knew of your no drinking rule, and played as if she didn’t know all too deviously. Which is why she suggested that version of the game instead.
“Fine,” you say confidently even if you didn’t like the ideas and wanted to back out, but couldn’t since she’d start shit.
Historia’s smile widens, but you know it’s fake and out of discontent she didn’t want to show. That’s why she bats her eyelashes and sighs as she walks around Reiner to be closer to you.
“Porco,” you say and begin walking to the other side of the table to be across from her. “Let’s win.”
“No,” Historia protests, “he’ll be with me. You can team up with…” she pauses and glances around the people gathered around and lands her eyes on someone behind you. “You. You wanted to play right?” She asks as she props her hands on the table and leans towards the person walking to your side. “Let’s play.” Her eyes shift to you and she smirks a mischievous smirk. “You’ll be a team player right, y/n?”
You sigh and hold her gaze to nod with a smirk of your own. “Let’s play.”
Historia leans back and looks to Ymir so she can place new cups and fill them with sour non-alcoholic drinks, and fill the shot glasses with some cheap tequila. You were too busy passing looks with Porco that you didn’t notice who your partner was until Porco was moved away.
And it’s when you turn your head away from Historia that you notice that she had picked Jean Kirstein to be your partner. Now you got all nervous all too quickly.
You didn’t show it though, you smiled at him and broke your silence. “Hey, Kirstein.”
“Y/N,” he says bluntly.
You smirk and fold your arms over your chest. “We’re not losing, you know that right.”
Jean holds your gaze with this serious look that makes you feel a bit flustered—“No,” he agrees. “We’re not.”
Neither of you look away and you ease your feelings with a smug smile. After that Historia breaks the interaction to begin playing.
Jean started for your team, and Porco started for his. At first Jean was having trouble flipping the cups over on the edge of the table after he would chug his drink. As soon as he got to the last cup, Porco had already finished his drink; he was only trying to flip the cup over to let Historia start her part as the cups got instantly refilled for the next player to go.
“Come on Jean. Come on,” you whisper as you hover too close beside him; to the point your chest was inches from his arm. “HURRY AND DRINK IT!” You shout out of crippling anxiety.
Jean whips his head towards you and points to his filled cheeks and mumbles something with his mouth all full, before setting the cup down to try and flip it over. You press your chest against his arm to watch him struggle, the stress over the game making your nails puncture small crescent shaped cuts in your palms.
However, Jean managed to flip his cup over first by just two seconds. But it was enough for you to run to the other end of the table to start your turn.
Now is when the atmosphere changed to a more eager and excited energy amongst the crowd around the table since Historia and you were facing off now. It made your palms begin to sweat since you felt pressured, and the feeling of Jean watching you, and the sound of him encouraging you to drink your first cup faster made your heart pound since you didn’t want to make him lose because you sucked.
“Come on! Come on!” He yelled before speaking quieter, “you can do it!”
You flip the first cup over successfully and rush to chug the second one. The drink burns your throat, but you surpass it and chug as Historia catches up—and it continues to be a close game even to the last cup.
Now the crowd got louder and you only got more nervous. You chugged the last drink and stole glances at Historia as you both drank the drink until the last drop. She however finished first and set her cup down before you could. She began to try and flip her cup over and you finished the drink on her second failed attempt.
Jean’s breath kept brushing the back of your neck as he watched you quietly and nervously from behind. It made goosebumps grow on your arms, and made it harder for you to try and flip your cup over since he stood so close.
It was hard concentrating mostly because you wanted to well….turn to tell him to step back so his cologne didn’t keep wafting up your nose and completely hypnotize you.
“You can do it. You can do it,” he whispered louder.
“Jean!” You remarked, earning a quiet sorry.
You fix your cup after your third failed attempt, and hold your breath to flip it over. This time the cup landed correctly before Historia could do it.
You didn’t register your win until Reiner announced it. “Y/N, and Jean won!”
A grin slowly spreads on your lips and without thinking you jump up and down happily before squealing and turning to embrace Jean.
He doesn’t think of what was going on so he hugs you back and you both jump together to celebrate your win.
“We won! We won!” You continue with excitement.
As if an instinct, or as if you’ve done it hundreds of times you pull away to face one another, and begin circling one another to share a moment of compliments.
“It’s all because of you!” You say with a grin. “You won us this!”
“No,” Jean rebuttals with a smile and points to you. “It was all you y/n. You did good. You were the one that didn’t hold in your drinks like me.”
You laugh and shrug. “What can I say?”
Jean scoffs lightheartedly and then smirks. “Team effort,”
“We work great together,” you finish for him.
Just as Jean is going to say something else, Historia clears her throat and stops your circling so Jean and you could face her and Porco. “Rematch?”
“No,” Porco protests without letting you speak. “I can’t drink anymore. Two was enough.”
“Aww come on,” Historia says in a sweet voice. “We’ll switch partners and I’ll work with Jean.” She makes sure to look at you when she says his name.
“No,” you breathe out with a fake smile. “It’s okay. We should go anyway.” You look at Jean and offer him a genuine smile. “Good game Kirstein.”
Historia doesn’t fight that and lets you both go with a goodnight.
Once you’re far from the crowd you pat Porco’s shoulder and ask about his current state. “How are you feeling? Want to wait in your car for the alcohol to pass?”
Porco smirks and shakes his head. “Nah, Reiner made sure not to pour any alcohol in my shots. Historia might be stumbling though.”
There’s silence for a moment before you both laugh at the thought as you walk towards his car.
The rest of the car ride was just as lighthearted. None of the problems that filled your head made themselves known for the entire car ride. It was nice. Not worrying over what you held onto, and over Eric.
If only for the night. It made you happy, especially since you had someone else so present in your mind.
*TWO DAYS LATER*
Usually, on the weekends the time you had was for working all day in the teashop, and what was left of the rest of the day was for yourself to catch up on homework.
Eric didn’t like the idea of you working all day on the weekends, but you liked working from opening and to close to keep yourself busy and keep him at a distance. He usually didn’t like coming in because of Levi. On the rare occasions Eric did come to visit you he avoided Levi at all costs and made his visit short.
Today, thankfully, he didn’t pay you a visit, he sent you text throughout the day miraculously, but he chose to see you on Monday instead. He did take forever to respond so it was hard to talk when you could sneak your phone out, or catch a break.
However, whilst on your last minutes of your ten minute break, instead of getting a late answer from Eric, you received a message from Jean.—J: hey
You smile and crouch further down to a horrible posture to answer back—you: what?
Jean doesn’t take long, but it also seems he doesn’t want to answer right away. Even if you could see he read it immediately.
J: For tomorrow do you wanna go somewhere else?
You: If that’s what you want. I don’t mind.
You grab an apple slice and begin to munch on it as he answers back—J: Fine we’ll go somewhere else. Where do you want to go?
You lower your phone and think hard of a place, but nothing comes to mind except for a one lame one.
You: we can go to my parents place, they’re gone for the month so the house is alone. If you want, of course.
Jean answers right away with for reassurance—J: are you sure that’s okay. I don’t want to get you in any trouble with your folks.
You: they won’t mind. They encourage me to visit home anyway, so.
You: But could I ask if you can give me a ride there?
J: No problem
You grin at your phone whilst you take a peek at your watch around your wrist, and stand up when you notice you have to go back—you: Thank you :)
You wait a few seconds for him to reply, but he ends up taking too long and you have to go back so you shut your phone off to shove the phone in your aprons pocket. Albeit, right when you were going to throw it in, suddenly you’re snapped back to that weird place you were at the beginning of the week.
It’s the same sand hills that laid out for miles upon miles. As you looked up out of panic, the same twinkling stars shone over your head, and when you looked behind the same white tree stood in the center of the beautiful yet scary abyss. And also like last time, you were alone.
This time instead of walking towards the tree that had wanted to suck you in last time though, you stayed put in your spot and just panicked from where you stood frozen.
Now, it was easier to note the fact that you couldn’t feel cold, or hot, the temperature was oddly just alright. As silent as it was, it wasn’t a deafening silence that let you hear everything inside your body, or the watch around your wrist. The silence was peaceful, comforting.
The only reason you were fearful was because you didn’t know why you kept being put here when it seemed no one else went through the same thing. It was just you alone in this strange place.
It could be a very relaxing place if it wasn’t for the fear that you were going crazy, and….for the fact that the streaks in the night sky began to glow brightly. The lighting seemed to ripple too and it moved forward towards the tree, making the white hue glow brighter.
The sight was captivating until you began to hear whispers. They were quiet, not distinguishable, but they seemed to come from the tree.
Alas you began to step towards it as if entranced by the voices you heard, but suddenly you were thrown back to reality. Despite that though, when you caught the time in your watch, the hands were pointing to the same time as before. No time passed. The second hand just continued to tick this time.
How fucking weird.
“Y/N,” Levi calls from the front of the break room, breaking you from your trance. “Ten minutes are up….and Uri called me.”
You put your phone away and turn to face him without giving away the fear of what just happened. You just huffed at his comment and responded with a grumble as you walked towards him. “Did he now? He didn’t bother to call me.”
“You wouldn’t answer, that’s why he called me.” Levi grumbles back and follows behind you. “So please stop letting me be your messenger and talk to your father.”
You roll your eyes and sigh, “fine I’ll answer his texts. Sorry about that.”
Before you could return to the counter, Levi stops you to add something not on topic. “I was hoping we could talk too. I don’t work tomorrow. How about we grab something to eat and talk after you’re done tutoring that guy? If that’s something you’re still doing.”
Your eyes flicker to the ground and you begin fiddling with your fingers. You answer with honesty even if you sounded like you dreaded this conversation. “I still do, he gave me a last chance…but I’m going to hang out with Eric…” you cut yourself off there and keep your back facing him, hearing his feet shift and knowing that he was upset over the news.
“It’s okay,” he assures you softly, hiding the sadness in his voice so you couldn’t hear it, but you did and it made you regret bringing up Eric—“we can try some other time. Right?”
You look at him over your shoulder and offer him a sweet smile that’s accompanied with an agreeing nod, and words. “Of course.” You can’t look at him any longer without feeling your heart crack so you turn and return to work.
Unlike Uri and Kenny, Levi held a special place in your heart. When they weren’t with you, he was, every single time, and you’ve been shit to him.
Unlike your fathers, you never wanted to lose your relationship with Levi, you fought so hard to keep him from hating you, even if he was disappointed in you, even if you fought, even if you’ve tried to please Eric by turning your back on Levi, you haven’t once attempted to lose your relationship with him. No matter how rocky your relationship was with Levi. So it hurt having to choose Eric over him, you hated that Eric put you in this position, you hated him.
But you couldn’t bring yourself to leave him either.
Not even if it feels like you’re losing Levi because of Eric. Losing him to the point of no return.
And if you lost Levi….
——
‘1 New Message from J. Delivered 7 hours ago.’
“…No, I haven’t gone home. But I’m going to go there to tutor a friend, is that okay?” You ask Uri over the phone as you throw yourself on the bed after you finish showering and taking an hour to relax.
“You’re tutoring someone?” He asks almost in excitement. “That’s nice. You didn’t say.”
You scoff, “well yeah. You announced you were going on a month-long business trip that same day I got assigned. I got distracted by your lack of acknowledgement, dad.”
“No need to be so hostile over your daddy, y/n!” You hear Kenny tell you in the background, causing you to scrunch your nose and stick your tongue out in disgust over his choice of word. “We were gonna tell you. We got distracted and you got all cold-shouldered like usual.”
“I am sorry about that, little girl,” Uri continues to add on to Kenny’s statement. “We should’ve mentioned it before. But don’t worry it is a business trip. We will be back on the first.”
Your brown cat lies on your chest and you have to push her to your stomach so you could breathe properly, and make sure to reply with resentment. “That’s what you said last time….and you left for five years,” you whisper and pull your phone away from your ear to put him on speaker and answer back to Jean.
“I am sorry,” Uri repeats himself.
J: so what are you up to today?
You smile and reply to him whilst also talking to your father—You: I was working sorry.
“So how is it going?”
Uri sighs and answers right away. It makes you imagine his smile over your simple question. “Boring. But your father is helping cure that boredom with his spontaneous attitude.”
You snicker and smile faintly at the phone. “I bet he is. Just please don’t let him bring home some child. I’m fine being an only child.”
“You’re enough of a headache,” Kenny remarks with a teasing chuckle. “Can’t handle anymore.”
You roll your eyes and Uri laughs, whilst your phone buzzes as Jean’s message comes in—J: oh sorry I didn’t know.
You: but that’s what I’ve been up to. Working.
Jean answers right away—J: Can’t imagine you in a apron and a tray in hand. Truly a sight to see
You laugh and Uri and Kenny think it’s because of them.
“Maybe next time you can tag along!” Kenny shouts, causing Uri to snap back with only his name and a whisper you didn’t catch.
“Kenny….”
Not like you minded, you were busy responding to Jean—You: Well you’ll have to come on Thursday so you can see for yourself ;) I look good in my apron.
“Well sweetheart, we have to leave you. Goodbye, we’ll talk soon.” Uri says and you mindlessly answer back.
“‘Kay bye, I love you.” You hang up the phone and read Jean’s message without thinking of what you said.
J: Only if it’s on the house and you serve me :)
You scoff but smile.
You: come and we’ll see.
J: I will. You have my word, I want to see you
J: see you working
J: I mean see you work because you’re rich you know
Uhh no.
Before you can reply he calls you instead.
“I mean I want to see if it’s true that you work and you just don’t sit there and look pretty all day.”
Pretty? Hmm. I’ll take it.
“Oh.” You smirk and sit up. “I see. So you want to see me look pretty all day?”
There’s silence for a second before he scoffs and just plays it off cool. “You know what I meant.
“Yeah,” you laugh. “I did. So what have you—” you cut yourself off when suddnely you hear Eren’s door slam shut. It makes some things in your room rattle and shake after impact, and it gets you a bit startled but you weren’t brave enough to be curious over his anger.
You’ve learned just to let him steam off when that happens, so you continue to talk to Jean. “….sorry about that, something scared me. Anyway! What have you been up to?”
“I didn’t work today so just working on school work and trying to learn off your notes.” He mentions. “Overall besides that I’ve been just relaxing when I can. How was work?”
Your heart races, and butterflies flutter in your stomach at that question. The simplicity of the question however also leaves you so baffled that you take a moment to answer back. “Uh, it was work. I don’t really mind working, besides my friend works with me today, so it was fun. That’s not including the gross old men that like to ogle and flirt with me.”
Jean huffs and understands your anger. “Spit in their drinks. That’s what they get for being creepy.”
You chuckle and shake your head. “I’m sure it’s something they’d like so maybe cat fur is a nice add on. Or something gross, so they can stop coming.”
“Snot. Cat fur will only get free meals.”
There’s silence before you completely let out your laugh over his comment. “…yeah…” you say between laughs. “That’d be gross enough. And easy enough to hide. I’ll try it, thanks for the idea.”
Jean softly laughs with you and when you’re both quiet he doesn’t hesitate to continue speaking. Only, it’s to end a nice call. “Well y/n, I’ll let you relax. I’m sure you want that. I have to finish some homework and I can’t concentrate when I’m talking with you. We’ll talk tomorrow okay?”
You sigh and nod as if he can see it. “Yeah. Good night Jean.”
“Goodnight y/n.”
——
The next day passed quickly. Before you knew it you found yourself walking to the place Jean and you agreed to meet up in the morning, alongside Eren who was walking in the same direction.
Albeit no words were passed, he was even quiet all morning. It was something everyone noted at breakfast.
“Eren,” you say, “are you okay? You’ve been quiet.” You would’ve mentioned yesterday, but that would only bother him so you leave that out and wait for an answer.
Which he doesn’t give until you’re out of the courtyard and heading towards the parking area.
“Yep.” He deadpans whilst he pulls his hair back to a low sloppy bun. “You’ll be home later?”
You blink and drift your eyes away from him to check the spot where you needed to go, seeing Jean already there. “I won’t get home until later. I’m tutoring Jean at my parents place, and then I’m going to hang out with Eric. Why?”
“Just wondering. You never say where you’ll be, what if something happens,” he argues bitterly, making you stop in your step and forcing him to come to a slow stop to turn back and continue talking. “Don’t you ever consider other people’s feelings? You’re always just up in your head thinking over your abusive ass boyfriend, you never know what’s happening around you.”
You instantly drop your curiosity and begin to worry over his current state, and you’re quick to get angry over what he said. “Look if you’re pissed Eren, you don’t take it out with me.” You spat and point to him as you take a step towards him. “I don’t know what’s up your ass, but you do not talk to me like that.” You look up at him up and down and see that he barely even tried to look presentable. He just threw on the first thing he saw and ran with it. That always meant something.
Or nothing at all. You couldn’t really tell with him like Mikasa can—maybe it’s her. Maybe they’re fighting. He always gets so upset when they’re at odds.
Still, you can’t imagine why he’d be this upset.
“So why don’t you go steam off and talk to me when you’re cool,” you continue and drop your hand whilst you step away. “Why don’t you just take the day off work and go home.”
Eren rolls his eyes and throws his hood over his head to then walk off without a word. You watch him retreat to his car for a minute until his figure gets lost in between cars. You’re hesitant to let him leave with your conversation left as it was, but you also know if he’s still angry, nothing would be solved, there would just be more anger. So instead you walk off to meet up with Jean who instantly had something to say over the conversation he witnessed.
“You okay?” He asks as his eyes seem to go to the sea of cars where Eren had walked off to.
You sigh and nod. “Yeah. It’s just…Eren being a pain in my ass.”
“You know him?” Jean continues to ask while he walks you towards his vehicle.
“Hmm,” you hum. “Very well.”
Jean peers back at you after not catching the sarcasm in your voice. “Oh.”
“Anyway,” you yawn, “you got the address I sent right?”
“Hmm.”
Without adding anything else, you get to his car and that ride was quiet too. It seemed everyone just didn’t feel like talking so much today. Right when you felt alright about the day; Eric was being responsive, none of your friends said anything to annoy you. Your parents didn’t call like they said they would, but over all things were looking out today. Eren’s attitude almost ruined it, but you ignored what he said and just kept trying to let today be an okay day.
“Damn! This is much bigger up close,” Jean muses while he slowly makes his way towards the front door behind you.
Of course you don’t have anything to comment over his impression, so you wait for him inside when you open the door, and insert the security passcode.
“I think…” Jean whispers when he finally steps inside the cold house that began to light up as you continued to walk towards the library. “I’d get lost in here….”
You scoff and smile. “Yeah. I did a few times when I was young.” To avoid having him get anymore distracted, you just avoid giving him a tour of the house and keep him in the library.
“Hey,” Jean finally talks to you instead of just thinking out loud. “So do you have a theater room in this house?”
You look over at him and catch his faint smirk playing on his lips while his eyes seem to glow from his excitement over the house—“no,” you disappoint him. “My dad Kenny says that tv rots your brain so he doesn’t have tvs in the house beside my room, and the living room for when guests come over. He does have cool arcade games though.”
Jean raises a brow over what you said but smiles nonetheless. “Cool. Cool.” He takes his leather jacket off and places it over his seat before continuing with a small smirk. “So you aren’t going to give me a tour of this place?”
You huff, but can’t keep your smile away as you take off your own coat and sit in your own seat to pull out your stuff. “Depends on how you do. If you promise you’ll do good, I just might.”
Jean flashes you a sly grin, but doesn’t respond with anything on what you said, he just sits down and copies what you do to start the tutoring session. And it seems that he really wants that tour, or he just wants to really learn what he needs because he was focused for most of the session, there were times where he began to annoy you and vice versa, but he seemed to be calm this time unlike last time. It was nice.
“You did good,” you compliment him as you shut your computer and look over to him doing the same. “You catch things quickly.”
Jean smirks and answers a bit smugly. “Yeah well, what can I say? I’m smart. I mean I got into the school didn’t I?”
“Yeah,” agree quietly and finish putting away the rest of your stuff to finally bring up something you’ve been meaning to mention. “Jean. I want to apologize for Wednesday.” You exhale slowly and avert your gaze whilst you try to hold yourself from fiddling with your hands. “Uh, I was a complete asshole for flaking on you the way I did.” You swallow thickly and completely drop your gaze even if you could feel his on you. “I didn’t want to, but…uh, things came up, my phone died and I couldn’t make it or let you know. I’m sorry.” You scoot forward in your seat and slowly drift your eyes up to look at him. “Also thank you for giving me a second chance. I do really want to help you.”
Jean scoffs and nods. You think it’s because he’s going to laugh in your face and pick up that you’re lying, but he doesn’t. “Stop saying thank you. You said it hundreds of times already. Once was enough, and uh…” now he averts his gaze, but stays with his body on the edge of his seat. “Even if I can’t say I’m okay with what you did, I do accept your apology. So you can quit apologizing, and let’s just move on, okay?”
You smile and nod with genuine relief and joy. “Thank—okay.”
A/N- I hope you guys like this chapter! Thank you for all the love in the first chapter!!
Warning- SLOWBURN, Angst, fluff, long chapter.
Pairing- Jean Kirstein x reader, Reiner Braun x reader
Episode- 1x04 (so this does include only minimal spoilers!)
(Let me know if you want to be tagged)
————
Your knock echoes inside the room once and you remain still and quiet to wait for a response. Once you don’t get one you decide to lift your fist again to knock once more, but before you could urge to be let in, the door swings open and you see Levi walking back to his desk.
“I don’t know why you insist on waiting for me to open the door. Just come in after one knock.” He complains to you while he keeps his eyes on his paperwork and sits back on his chair.
“Well,” you shrug whilst you step inside and shut the door gently behind you. “I don’t know what you could be doing in here. I’m just being respectful.”
A/N- :) Since this is also a cherry au, I’ll say this, this story will not affect Cherry whatsoever!
Warning- Swearing, angst, THERE IS A SCENE THAT HAS DOMESTIC ABUSE! Please be careful before reading! mentions of alcohol use and drug use, SLOWBURN.
Pairing- Jean Kirstein x reader
(Let me know if you want to me be tagged)
————
“Eric,” you call from the end of the street.
Said man instantly lifts his head and right away that angry look lit furiously in his grey eyes makes your heart begin to race, it makes you slow down your pace so as to not reach him so fast, it makes you tense and go unaware if Jean had actually left.
He didn’t. He stayed in his car that was hidden under the shadow of a tree. He was watching out of curiosity since you looked so frightened all of the sudden.
“Y/N,” Eric says with a huff. “Where the hell have you been?” He walks around his car to meet you at the edge of the sidewalk. “I’ve been waiting for you for hours! It’s fucking cold out here.”
Yeah because that really matters.
You swallow thickly and ignore your disbelief over his stupid question. “I was waiting for you at my parents house. Like we agreed.”
Eric feigns a laugh as he drops his head and nods before stepping towards you when you reach his side of the sidewalk in front of the Teashop. “Do you really think I’m going to believe that?” He lifts his head and his eyes land on you with a serious upset frown on his face. “I told you I was going to pick you up here! And you wouldn’t come out!”
You scoff and pull your head back in disbelief. “You never called! And you never texted me! We agreed yesterday that we would meet up over there because I was going to be there. You left me there. I had to walk back home.” You lied on that last part and hoped that he wouldn’t catch it for Jean’s sake. “I tried calling, I tried texting and you never answered me.”
Eric scoffs and takes another intimidating step towards you. “Well, you must’ve been busy with whoever you were with today because I did send you a message in the afternoon about my change of plans.”
Your eyebrows furrow and the anger that had swept in and mixed with the fear was now also seeming to be mixed with disbelief over how he sounded, because you never received such a message; you would’ve known if he did. And! Why is it his first instinct to accuse you of being with someone else…
You were this time, but it still made no sense how insecure he was.
“If you sent me a message Eric please let me see it,” you stand your ground even if it cost you every ounce of confidence within you. “Because I never received a thing from you.”
Eric throws his hands out and leans his face towards you, causing you to step back. “Are you calling me a liar?” He remarks, throwing drops of spit on your face all in the meanwhile. “Huh? Y/N? Tell me. Why don’t you show me yours to prove that I did send you something.”
You nod and pull out your phone to show him exactly what he wanted to see, but there was nothing but messages he left on seen. “See,” you snap. “Nothing. There’s nothing. Why didn’t you just call me?”
Eric narrows his eyes and stays quiet. He follows by licking his lips and furrowing his eyebrows deeper as his eyes lifted up to pierce into you to counter you. “You must’ve fucking deleted it because I did send you a message. Are you trying to make me look stupid?”
You scoff from the disbelief but you don’t argue, instead you ignore his stupid comment and walk past him to head home with only a dissmisve comment thrown back. “Goodnight Eric. We’ll talk when you’re calm.”
Albeit before you could even walk past the Teashops front window, Eric grabs your wrist and forcefully turns you around to continue arguing. “You’re always trying to fucking leave when we’re talking. We’re not done.”
“I am,” you rebuttal. “You won’t even try to be reasonable so talk to me when you’ve cooled down.” You try to pull your arm away from his grip but he only tightens it and pulls you towards him, making you stumble. Yet he made sure you wouldn’t fall so you’d continue meeting his eyes. “Let go Eric!”
Said man leans his face towards you and continues in a much more threatening voice. “Tell me who kept you so distracted that you’re avoiding my messages huh?” He squints his eyes and grabs your wrists harder now to the point it was hurting. “Was it Porco? Or his brother? Or was it both?”
“What?” You queried softly. “Eric, I wasn’t with them. I just went to do homework at my parents house alone.”
A scowl grows on his features and he keeps pressing that accusation. “You fucking whore. I can’t believe you think I won’t catch you in a lie. You were with them! That’s why you’re lying to me!”
The anger and the disbelief you felt completely disappears and now all that stood was the fear—“No I—”
Before you could finish assuring him that you were being honest, the feeling of his fist hitting you across the face cuts you off right away. It leaves you in disbelief again. It leaves you cold, it leaves you feeling a sharp sting on your face, and it leaves you feeling only the warmth of the blood that ran down your nose whilst your fear heightened.
“Come on lie to me again.” He seethed while he held onto your wrists.
You try to look away and step back, but he just held onto your other wrist and shoved you against the brick wall to keep instigating you. “I don’t want to hit you but you’re always lying to me. Be nice.”
Tears run down your cheeks and you drop your head, but he lets go of one wrist and uses his knuckle to push your chin up so you’d face him against your own desires.
“Oh fucking hell stop fucking crying.” He groaned, “it wasn’t even that hard you little crybaby—”
Right before he could finish the rest of his complaint Eric is suddenly yanked away from you and thrown to the ground. Your eyes instantly follow his flying figure and find the reason why he was so abruptly pulled back. It was Jean, he was now on top of Eric and began punching him as he yelled at him.
“You think you’re so fucking tough hitting your girlfriend you ass!”
You couldn’t even yell at him to stop, nor could you wipe the blood and tears that ran down your face as you stood in shock over what you were witnessing. Who should you even try to help?
Eric hit you, but he was still your boyfriend and Jean kept punching him with no remorse.
But on the other hand, Jean was defending you over what Eric did. He was being nice. You didn’t want him to get hurt.
However, Eric snapped back and shoved Jean off him to reitlate. It took him a second to really land a punch since he stumbled, but Eric swung on Jean and landed a hit. All while you stood unable to do anything but watch with your eyes wide and your mouth agape with words unable to come out.
“Why don’t you mind your own damn business asshole!” Eric bellowed and tried to hit Jean again, but Jean dodged and managed to hit Eric again. But even when he got hit again, Eric didn’t stop, he kept fighting back and landed another strong blow that caused you to finally yell out.
“Eric, leave him alone! You’re hurting him!” You want to walk over to him to stop him by force, but he snaps his head to glare at you and counter in a voice laced with venom.
“Stay out of it bitch, we’ll talk later!”
You freeze in your steps and all you’re able to do is watch almost dumbfounded. In that instant though, because of what Eric just said to you, Jean lunged at Eric and pinned him to the ground again. He kept hitting him, and Eric hit and kicked back, but he didn’t overpower Jean.
Jean was stronger, he seemed more driven as if fueled by his own rage. And it scared you, only because you feared the outcome because Eric wouldn’t give up easily.
That reason alone made you pull your phone to call Eren. And thankfully he picked up quick. “What?”
“Eren,” you cried, “are you home?”
“Y/N?” Eren said in a different tone of voice now that he noticed you were crying. “What’s wrong?”
“Please answer me!”
“I’m home! What’s wrong?!” He bellowed through the phone.
“It’s Eric! He and Jean are fighting outside the shop, please come down. I can’t stop them!”
The call ended right away and all you could do was wait. If you tried to stop either man, you’d end up getting hit so going to them wasn’t the best idea. And well, Eren didn’t take long either, he was quick to come out the building and run towards Jean to pull him off Eric.
“Jean, that’s enough!” Eren shouted, but Jean was quick to protest.
“And let him think it’s fine to hit y/n?!”
Eren’s eyes flickered over to you when he heard the comment.
You quickly avert your gaze however and tilt your head away so he wouldn’t see the blood or the red mark on your face.
“Well he’s learned his lesson, hit him anymore and you’ll kill him idiot,” Eren retorted. “Y/N, get inside.”
You ignore his demand and walk over to Eric who pushed himself to his knees, but right as you were crouching down to help him, he smacked your hand away and spit the blood from his mouth in front of your feet before he remarked your actions.
“Get away from me. I don’t want you to touch me.” He turned his head and made sure you were looking at him as he continued. “Now I know who you were with you fucking liar—”
“No Eric, it’s not like that—”
“Shut up and save your lies, you…” he pauses and looks away whilst he stands up to his feet. “We’re done. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”
You quickly stand up to your feet at the sound of what he said and try to make him take it back, you try to make him listen to reason. “No, Eric, he’s just a friend. I was just tutoring him, please don’t do this,” you plead and begin to walk after him as he heads to his car.
Albeit he spun back and in that moment you flinched, thinking he was going to hit you. Only, he didn’t hit you, he did much worse. “Enough! Never talk to me again. You can be with your fucking man I don’t care anymore! I don’t want you!”
You stay where you are and feel more tears roll down your cheeks, you feel your heart break even more then it was already. Actually it felt like your whole world was falling apart. And he didn’t care or show a sign of remorse. He was just as cold as before. As always actually.
“Eric,” you whimper.
He only ignores you though and shuts his car door after he gets in. He starts his car and just drives off, leaving you on the sidewalk with just tears, pain and heartbreak. Rather than thanking Jean and Eren, you just turn and storm home.
When you walked into the hall before you reached the stairs though, Levi stood there when he caught you rushing in. You locked eyes and you saw him reach his hand out and part his lips to speak, but all you could see was the disappointment on his face even if it wasn’t there, so you just rush past him to run up the stairs to reach the house and then head directly towards your room without saying anything to Furlan, and Isabel standing in the living room.
Once you’re inside your room you shut the door, throw your backpack aside, and throw your shoes off your feet. You wish you could go to bed without having to get out of your uniform and having to wipe off the makeup that was ruined by your tears and the blood, but you knew you’d regret it all the next day, so you got out of your clothes first to change into something comfy to wear to bed. Next you proceed to sit on your vanity and wipe off your makeup with a makeup remover.
The one problem you did have was the blood on your face, you needed water but you didn’t have some in your room to use. And you didn’t want to walk out and risk being bombarded with questions, nor could you look at Levi in the eye or have him help you. You could ask Eren for help, but he’s helped enough.
So instead, you use the same makeup remover and wipe the blood off your face with a new cotton pad, whilst tears streamed down your cheeks and clouded your vision.
You couldn’t even look at your reflection in the mirror clearly due to the tears. Not like you wanted to look at yourself look….absolutely broken. All because you loved the wrong man.
Even if you wanted to break up with him, it really did hurt having him break up with you. He’s been cruel to you, he’s hurt you but it hurt you so deeply that all that you felt was empty. You should feel happy that you didn’t have to endure anymore of what he put you through, but it felt like there was a gap in your chest where he once was.
He ended your eight year relationship with no remorse, he didn’t even think about it, he just blurted it out as if he’s been wanting to do that for months, and left you with nothing.
Part of you hoped he’d regret his decision and call you, but your phone was silent and stayed that way when you finally turned off your light and climbed in bed.
Maybe he’d call in the morning? Once his anger has completely passed.
But morning couldn’t come quicker. Not because it seemed time was moving dreadfully slowly, but because you couldn’t sleep. You stayed under your blankets unable to find the right piece of mind to get at least some sleep.
To others though, it seemed like you were sleeping since you had your back facing the door and you lay still in hopes you could sleep.
“How’s she doing?” You could hear Eren ask the person who had opened the door.
“I don’t know.”
Levi.
“I caught her sleeping so I couldn’t talk to her.” Levi continued to tell Eren.
Yet he didn’t truly know the answer to Eren’s question because he was hesitant to walk in and actually talk to you. He had seen your light on but he walked off and when he came back he watched it go off. Which is why he knew you weren’t asleep like you pretended to be
“I’ll talk to her in the morning then,” Eren said, and Levi agreed, hating the fact that it was so easy for Eren and you to speak. He wished it could be as easy for you two to speak, he wished he could be there for you, but it seemed you were only bothered by his presence so he gave you space.
He’ll give you as much space as you need even if he didn’t know you ached to heal your relationship.
*THE NEXT DAY. JEAN’S P.O.V*
No. Just turn back, she won’t want to talk to me. Just go back home
Jean turns on his heels and marches back to his car, but as he catches a glimpse of his reflection on his window, he’s hit with more guilt than what he already carried. Besides, how could he be such a great person if he failed to check up on you after what he witnessed yesterday—even if you wouldn’t answer his messages.
So he draws in a deep breath and looks up at the shop with his decision made.
Yet, as he breathed out and began to head inside the shop, he did wonder why he was going to check up on you. You did tutor him, but it’s not like he actually thought of you as some friend, especially after what happened on Wednesday last week. Sure, he wanted to kiss you yesterday, he painted you; ON ACCIDENT! but he couldn’t say you were friends, no matter how crazy you drove him when you were close.
It was pity! That’s what it was! He felt pity for you! That’s why he was now inside the shop about to ask the tiny man where you lived so he could give you the bouquet of flowers in his hand.
“Hello, I came here to ask about y/n. I want to talk to her, but I don’t know where she lives.”
The tiny man looked away from the screen in front of him and met Jean’s gaze with such a serious glare that it gave Jean goosebumps.
“It’s not three yet is it?” The tiny man asked Jean.
Jean shook his head and rose the flowers to show him a glimpse as to why he was here.
“Oh,” Levi breathed out and then pointed to the ceiling. “She’s home. Just exit the shop and the building door will be on your left. Take the stairs and you’ll find our house.”
Jean gave his thanks and made a quick exit out of the shop to do as he was instructed, but that’s where the problem was, he couldn’t knock right away, he hesitated.
He should just go back, you wouldn’t want to see him after all. You just got broken up with because of the fight he started, and yes that guy deserved it, but he can’t imagine it’s easy hearing those words.
So with that in mind he did attempt to turn back, but then the door opened and Eren stood there in front of the doorway.
“Jean?” He inquired.
Said man furrowed his eyebrows and scoffed. “Eren. Why are you here?”
Eren looks back at the house and fixes his backpack strap before answering slowly so Jean could understand. “I live here. Wasn’t that obvious yesterday?” He chuckles and looks down the hall. “And well it’s the only house here. Duh.”
Jean’s eyebrows furrowed deeper to express his annoyance and frustration, but he didn’t give into those feelings and just asked for you. “Where’s y/n?”
Eren points his thumb to the hall hidden behind the barrier Jean was still behind.
“She’s in her room,” Eren whispered. “I don’t know if she’ll talk to you though, she hasn’t come out all morning.”
Jean scoffed and retorted. “And you haven’t checked on her?”
“I’m giving her space, and I’m going to class.”
“Wait, wait,” Jean interjected to complain, “you’re leaving her alone?”
“Alone?” Eren repeated in disbelief of what he was hearing. “Yes. She’s twenty-one. And Levi and Isabel are downstairs.”
“What if she tries to jump off her window?” Jean remarked. “Or what if she tries to—”
“Please shut up,” Eren cut Jean off with sass. “She won’t do that. Besides, Mikasa is coming over right now, and I also told her friends to come over. Just come in,” he pauses and turns back around to guide Jean inside to your room.
At first Jean hesitated for a few seconds, but he didn’t want Eren to say anything if he just flaked, so he followed him to the first door on the left of the hall. He watched Eren knock and then minutes later he heard you. “Come in!”
Eren gestured Jean to wait while he walked in. At that moment Eren opened the door a brown cat walked out and sat outside the door and just watched Jean. That’s all the cat did. It watched him.
So Jean instead ignored the piercing look and looked through the small gap Eren left, but he didn’t see anything, nor did he hear anything but whispers until Eren’s feet stomped towards the door that was followed by him appearing after the door swung open.
“You can go in,” Eren told Jean before he leaned in and whispered a threat. “Be nice or else.”
Jean scoffed and ignored him. He then waited for Eren to walk away to slowly walk in your room, right away seeing you sitting up right on your bed with a hoodie on that was able to hide your face, and then he saw an orange cat on your lap, and a black cat on a cat bed by the window. He wanted to comment on them, but you spoke first.
——
*YOU*
“Hi, please come and take a seat.”
Jean looks around then looks back to close the door but you stop him. “Just leave it open, Mr. Darcy will walk in and close it.”
Jean’s eyes snap to you and the corner of his lips twitch before he picks on the name. “Mr. Darcy?”
You stroke your cat’s fur and don’t find the humor behind his comment. “Yes?”
Jean doesn’t fail to notice your cluelessness but he chooses to leave it alone for now and focuses on the bouquet of red tulips in his hands. “These are for you.”
Your jaw slightly falls and for a second you’re utterly speechless until you just ask, “why?”
“l just thought I could bring you something to brighten your day.” He said without an ounce of shame or embarrassment. “I hope you like tulips.”
You blink and close your mouth. Your eyes dart from the flowers in his hand and then to his light brown eyes. Words are still hard to form from your disbelief of him buying you something, but you force yourself to snap out of your stupor by pushing your cat off your lap and climbing out of bed to grab the flowers. “Thank you,” you finally tell him with a sweet smile that was partially hidden under the hood you wore over your head. “And.” You grin. “I love tulips, they’re my favorite, thank you!”
It’s the first time in a long time that someone has given you tulips. It meant a lot that Jean managed to get the right flowers on his first attempt. The gesture made your heart swell.
“How…” he hesitates, “are you feeling?”
You keep your eyes on the vivid petals and you give him a partial answer. “I’m hanging on.” You draw in a small breath and hold it in from the uneasiness that you felt as you hoped he wouldn’t ask what you think he wanted to.
Jean hums and he keeps his eyes on you as he watches you admire the flowers. “Do you need any ice or?” He asks kind of awkwardly.
You shake your head and slowly breathe out. “No, I’m okay. How about you?” You quickly direct a question to him. “Are you okay?” You peek over at his face but don’t see any bruises. “It doesn’t look like he got you.”
“Nah,” Jean adds cockily. “He didn’t get my face, or at least he didn’t hit hard. I got him good though. He might have a black eye.”
You huff and put the flowers down to walk off to the bathroom. “Do you want anything to drink or eat?” You ask him whilst you grab a vase and pour water in it. “No one’s home,” you shout so he could hear you from the bathroom. “We could be out in the living room freely!”
“Uh, I don’t want to bother you, I’ll just go.” Jean said back, causing you to shut the faucet and return to your room with your head slightly ducked so you could hide the bruise that was covered by makeup but still faintly visible.
“You have a class soon?” You probe slightly disappointed.
Jean shakes his head. “No, not today. My professor canceled.”
You take off the wrapping from the flowers and place the bouquet inside the water, feeling your chest tense as you peek at Jean to continue your questions. “Oh, well if you don’t then you can stay, I was going to make breakfast, want some?”
Jean scoffs and a teasing smile appears on his face. “You cook?” He teases. “You know I just might. Just to see that.”
You snort and nod. “I am very good if I do have to brag.” You steal a glance at him and then guide him out of your room to walk into the kitchen. “By the way!” You exclaim, “I listened to the song you recommended, and I have do have a complaint.” You take a pan from a shelf and place it on the stove.
Jean sits at the island in front of the kitchen and snaps, “a complaint? Pft, I didn’t have one about your song. No fair, listen to it again.”
You turn back swiftly and point your spatual at him. “I’m a Tupac fan.” You retort.
When you turned Jean caught the bruise on your face hidden by makeup but still visible; it was formed above your jaw and just below your eye, the sight made his smile fall and caused his mood to drift back to anger for you over what the man did, his pity returned tenfold. He even felt guilty for not stopping him in time, but it seemed like you were happy right now, at least that’s how you presented yourself, so he didn’t comment on it or stared for too long, he made himself laugh and tried to answer with a bit of an attitude.
“Tupac? Please—”
“Ahh!” You interrupt him and turn back around to place your spatula down and walk over to the fridge to grab a few eggs whilst you talked at the same time. “Don’t be that guy man!”
“What guy?” Jean pressed without letting you finish.
You mock a man’s voice and express what you always hear from them when you say you like something. “If you like Tupac, name five of his songs and don’t name the popular ones. Tell me the release date and don’t forget why he wrote it. Damn, do you want me to figure out his social security number too or what?”
Jean chuckled and leaned over the countertop to make fun of you and the men you’re complaining about. “Thats fucking ridiculous, that’s some stupid shit! I am not that guy. But can you say his social security number, I mean if you’re a fan?”
Your eyes snap to meet his and you can’t help your own laugh from escaping. “I….cannot, truth is I only listened to those songs because Ymir listens to them. And Eric listened to them…too.” You go wash your hands and feel your smile falter at the mention of his name.
However, Jean made sure to quickly change the subject. “Well listen to Biggy smallz.” He leans back and continues to watch you prep the pan before he volunteers himself. “Do you need help?”
“Oh, I—” before you could finish Jean hops off his seat and rushes over to you to beat the eggs. “Thank you,” you mumble, feeling a warmth on your cheeks as he stands so close to you. “Do you want music? Or do you just want to hear me talk?” You smirk. “I think that would work better but that’s all up to you.”
“Oh you’d love that wouldn’t you?” Jean taunted you. “Please amuse me then. Actually tell me why Eren and you live together.”
“Oh! Sure!” You agree enthusiastically. “Well when I was nine, I was home waiting for Levi; the tiny guy that owns the shop, to get home from a business trip right? And when he comes back he has Eren Jaeger with him, which by the way!” You ramble as you cut things for the omelet and Jean works with the eggs, not even complaining once or losing interest.
“I had known him because my parents would like have meetings with his and some other people, so Eren would go but he was always so mean to me and he was…weird! But that’s not important right now. Levi just brought him home and just said he’s going to live with us.” You exhale and continue. “Well later it turns out that his parents had died in this house fire that’s why Levi took him in. Also his mom was close to Levi because they were childhood friends that’s why he’s with us.”
Jean pours the egg in the pan and instead of asking about Eren furthermore, he brings up the overlooked fact about you. “Wait if Levi isn’t your dad then why do you live with him? Like is this some social experiment where you—”
“Shut up,” you cut him off with a bit of anger. “I know what you’re going to say and save it.”
You didn’t need him to finish or to know him to know he was going to ask why you lived with Levi if you’re so rich and have a big mansion. He was going to make fun of you so you didn’t need him to finish his stupid commentary.
“Fine,” Jean snickers and continues to ask his question. “Then why are you here?”
You sigh and lean back on the counter since he was in charge of flipping over the omelet. “Well,” you begin to share. “My parents left me here. It was supposed to be for the weekend, but they didn’t come back until five years later when I was ten.” You see Jean meet your gaze and catch a frown form on his lips and a disturbance flicker on his face. “I was angry, beyond angry, as anyone would be after their dads didn’t come back, so I chose to stay with my cousin. You know he was like a third dad.” You smile softly. “He took care of me, he did everything for me over those years so he let me stay with him. Besides he was far more attentive than my actual dads, they were always having business trips. They’d leave me so I preferred staying.”
Jean swallows thickly and tries to excuse his probing he thought was stupid after he knew. “I shouldn’t have asked, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry,” you assure him and grab plates to place them beside him. “You know you’re actually one of the few who I’ve told my life story too, so I’m sorry I spilled everything.”
“I asked didn’t I?” Jean redirected. “It’s no problem.” He looks over at you and you share a smile for a second before he turns back to turn off the stove and place the omelets on the plates. “It’s interesting too. Maybe I’ll sell your story to the tabloids.”
“Bad press is good press,” you quote with a smile while you walk to sit across from him.
Jean slightly tilts his head and his eyes widen as if he had just heard something amazing. “Have you been on any type of tabloid?”
You smirk and shrug as you show off. “A magazine, and some social media news outlets on the mainland and the Island with my dads. “Paradis richest and most beloved family” and “the Charity ball of the year will be hosted by the Ackerman’s for the fiftieth year”. Nothing much.”
“Nothing much,” Jean scoffs. “Right girl.” He rolls his eyes and looks down at his food to begin cutting a piece. “Let me guess you’re doing business to inherit your daddy’s business.”
“Essentially,” you agree with a bit of dread. “I mean that’s what I’m studying for. It’s what makes them proud.”
Jean shakes his head and shoves food in his mouth before he speaks with his mouth full. “Don’t know why you bother, I mean if I were you I wouldn’t worry with all the money I’ll inherit.”
“Yeah,” you nod and don’t deny your privilege. The dread for all of it was brought by other reasons. Other dreams that were left undeveloped. “In the future I will get my parents’ money. I’ll be set for years. For life. But I do want to make my own money. My own way. I don’t want to rely them, at least not for a while. I want to….” You pause and look down at the food you’re playing with and share a breathless laugh. “It sounds silly, but I want to accomplish my own goals, my dreams by myself.”
You don’t know why you were so comfortable sharing your whole life story with Jean. You barely knew him after all. But it felt comforting, you could see he was listening to every word, he didn’t interrupt you and say it was boring. He was listening to you without complaining, yeah he did argue about things but it wasn’t anything extreme, it was logical and worth saying.
“I know,” you continue, “I know that because they have good names and connections that I have privilege others can’t, but I just want to carve my own path.”
“Fuck it,” Jean huffed. “Use them. Trust me if I had what you do I would.” He meets your gaze and you look at him slightly taken back and afraid over what he might say. “Yeah I know I tease you about your money, but y/n it’s an advantage, if you don’t want to do business and want to I don’t know, become a painter; use them, use their connections because they will get you far. You can build off them and make your own name after. It happens. It always does. You just have to be better than them. If you’re the same then you will always be categorized as such. And when you make your own name,” he points at the table to explain, “they will say oh I didn’t know her parents are so and so. They will be background characters in your life. Believe me.”
Wow.
Wow. Okay.
Your jaw drops and you just blink as you stare at him in disbelief. His face grows red and he averts his gaze by looking down at his food to eat while you stay speechless.
Lectures weren’t your favorite thing, but his was worth hearing. He was amazing and you couldn’t express your awe in any other way than just blurting, “have you ever considered doing motivational speeches?”
Jean scoffs and shakes his head, keeping himself busy with food.
“Really,” you muse happily. “That was good. I will take what you said under consideration.”
Jean smiles but doesn’t show it to you, rather he just deflects the topic. “Can I be honest? Yesterday I completely thought you and Eren were having an affair.”
You slowly tilt your head and drop your fork to deadpan. “What?”
“I just saw you guys arguing and I saw him come out of your building and the idea came to me,” Jean explained himself in between laughs. “But it’s clear now, so I am no longer curious.”
You’re about to answer with something else, but a knock sounds on the door and makes you hesitantly walk over to open the door.
And it seemed Jean was thinking about the same person you had in mind because he slowly followed behind you to the door like some bodyguard or some protector.
But it just turned out to be Mikasa.
“Oh, Mikasa hey,” you greet with dread and open the door halfway, keeping part of your face hidden. “Are you looking for Eren?”
Mikasa’s eyes flicker over to Jean behind you and then fall back on you to share the truth. “No, he told me what happened and I wanted to come check on you.”
Oh.Tsk. Of course he called her and gossiped with her.
What is she here to do now pity you? Keep your hands locked so you wouldn’t dare call Eric. Jean was mostly likely here for the same reason, but you didn’t have that close of a relationship with Mikasa anymore, it felt weird having her come to your rescue. No matter how nice her actions were.
“If you’re busy,” she continues, “I can come later.”
You sigh and want to avoid her coming in, but she was already here. “No, please come in. Breakfast?” You offer her.
“No, thank you” she declined as she carefully makes her way in after she takes her shoes off at the entrance. “Jean I didn’t know you were here.”
“You didn’t?” He remarks and grabs his plate to wash it while you finished your breakfast. “I’m surprised that Eren didn’t go gossip.”
Mikasa rolls her eyes and sits around the Island as well, focusing her energy on you instead. “How are you feeling?”
You shrug and play with your last piece of food. “Right now I’m feeling okay.” All thanks to Jean for coming to visit. But you wouldn’t say that.
“Thank you for asking,” you finish saying and stand up to go wash your own plate.
A silence while you’re washing your plate lingers awkwardly. Mikasa and Jean wait for you to finish, but even then you walk to your room and leave them in the awkward atmosphere until you come back with your sketchbook.
“I want to show you something Mikasa,” you break the tension, having no other choice but to do so. “Eren mentioned you didn’t have a dress for the charity ball, and that you needed help so I drew up some ideas.” You open the sketchbook to flip to the page where you drew down your ideas and placed it on the counter to show her, while you explained. “Regency Era, I looked into what Japanese women wore, but since you’re mixed I chose to play with that so I had an idea to mix a Kimono with a dress that fit that era. See.”
Mikasa slightly leaned in and Jean peeked at the sketches.
“Like,” you continue and point to one of the ideas, “this one on top. I can make the dress white, but on top we can have a red silk layer that has designs on the lining in the front, and then we can have some traditional Kimono designs on the tail of the dress and have it drag behind you a little. But of course, make all the designs subtle since you know you don’t want to be the center of attention.”
Mikasa nods slowly and breathlessly agrees. “I love that idea, these are all amazing y/n,”
“Yeah,” Jean muses.
You lift your gaze at the same time he does and he doesn’t avert his gaze this time, he shoots you a sweet smile that makes you smile back and hold his gaze for a lingering and longing moment before Mikasa catches your attention and has you drifting your eyes back to her.
“I want it.”
You smile at her and drag your sketchbook towards you as you ask for her reassurance. “If that’s okay, of course? I wouldn’t want to be disrespectful.”
“That’s more than okay,” Mikasa says with a sweet grin.
You close the book and avert your gaze as you mutter. “I suspect you’re staying here for a while?”
Mikasa nods without hesitance. “If that’s okay.”
“Okay, we’ll get measurements later.”
She won’t leave even if you asked, not after Eren told her about yesterday. She was your babysitter even if Eren hadn’t even tried to talk to you after yesterday. Why did he even have to tell her?
You put your sketchbook away and come back to the awkwardness. “So,” you break the silence. “Do you guys want to watch a movie, or something?”
“Whatever you want to do,” she says, only getting you annoyed.
Yet before you could try to answer her there was a knock on the door. You go to open it but then the door opens by itself and Porco and Marcel walk inside. Much to your dismay.
“Y/N!” Marcel exclaims with flowers and a plastic bag full of stuff in his hands.
Instead of greeting them with a smile you greet them with confusion. “What are you guys doing here?”
Porco scoffs and answers for his brother. “Eren told us what happened. We came to celebrate that—”
Before he could finish what he was planning to say Marcel elbowed him, forcing him to stop.
“We just wanted to check if you were okay,” Marcel says instead, making you sigh and drop your head to grumble.
“Fuck Eren.” You lift your head again and offer them a feigned smile. “Well then I guess thank you for the company. Come inside.” You turn and walk towards the living room where Jean was to introduce him to your friends. “Guys this is my friend Jean.”
Marcel walks towards the living room after he drops the stuff on the kitchen counter to offer him his hand as he studies him. “Marcel. I’ve heard about you.”
“Really?” Jean snickers and glances at you.
“Yeah,” you cut them off. “Because I told him I was tutoring you.” You glare at Marcel and shoot him a warning look. “Jean, this is my best friend Marcel.”
Jean takes Marcel’s hand out of courtesy and shakes it. “So you’re the twin.”
Porco lifts his head from where he is in the kitchen and remarks right away. “We’re not twins!”
Marcel laughs and walks to the couch to greet Mikasa before he sits down. You take a seat next to Jean but he stands up at that moment and faces you with a faint smile before he reveals the reason for the smile. “Well I should head out.”
You push yourself off the couch and frown at his announcement, you want to tell him to stay but he says his goodbyes to the others and begins to head out, causing you to walk after him without daring to say what you really wanted to. “I’ll see you next week? I don’t think I’ll be able to help you this week.”
Jean stops and turns to face you a bit away from the front door. “Like hell. We’re working on my schedule, remember?”
You’re about to protest but he continues.
“I imagine you’re not going to school this week?”
You avert your gaze and shake your head. “No. Not this week.”
Jean nods and clears his throat to make it clear what he was saying. “Well I’ll come over then. It’s no problem.”
You blink and feel your eyebrows furrow, your throat aches as you keep your words down, but you also feel your heart swell at his persistence. “I can’t have you failing while you’re tutoring me so talk to your professors or something.”
Albeit he was actually kind of annoying.
“I’ll try,” you groan.
Jean shifts to continue walking away but doesn’t stop talking. “You’ll do it. My future might depend on you.”
You roll your eyes but smile faintly at him. “I’ll see you then.”
“I’ll see you.” He says before he begins walking down the steps, letting you drag your feet back home but stopping outside the door and staying there to debate going inside with so many people.
You only appreciated Jean’s presence because he had witnessed what happened, if he hadn’t been there, his presence would have not been so welcome. It’s just…what happened isn’t something to celebrate, or be some pity party. No matter how much you enjoyed being around him. Even if you knew you would’ve hated the solace if no one had been here to stay with you.
So maybe that’s a sign that you need to be grateful rather than annoyed.
With that thought out you walk inside, but before you could get far you almost run into Porco. He seemed like he was just going to head to the living room, but he stopped and turned on his heels to face you and keep you by the door.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “That we came. I told Marcel that we could wait, but he was pushy. We can leave if you want.”
You part your lips and even if you did want to be alone, deep within you knew it wasn’t the best idea. Besides, they were here already.
“No, it’s fine,” you assure him. “Stay.”
Porco nods and sighs, his face not resembling any relief rather discontent. “Look what that asshole—”
“Please,” you cut him off. “I don’t want to talk about it. Truth is I didn’t want anyone to know. But Eren made a big deal out of it. So please let’s not talk about it.” You inhale deeply and exhale as you meet his perplexed gaze.
“Right,” he answers after a moment. “Okay. Let’s go watch a movie then. Scream, was it?”
You offer him a faint smile and nod before you return to the living room and sit back in your seat, seeing Porco sit beside you and that Marcel stayed distant, he actually hardly looked at you.
“Marcel,” you grill him. “Why the hell have you been avoiding me?”
Said man turns on the tv to search for the movie and keep his eyes on the screen to answer. “I’ve been busy. Work, school.”
“Girlfriend?” You press loudly.
“No!” He blurts. “No. I’ve been meaning to answer, but I really have been busy. But I’m here now aren’t I?”
You sink in your seat and keep your eyes trained on him for a while before you look at the screen as he found the movie and played it right away.
“Actually,” he blurts. “I did want to ask you something. On Friday why don’t we go to the beach? To lift your spirits? Mikasa tell Eren to come.”
You rest your elbow on the arm of the couch and glance at Porco to share a quick look before he spoke. “Marcel, no.”
“It’s fine,” you interject.
Porco throws a throw blanket on you and that gesture lets you scoot closer to him to lay your head on his shoulder while you keep your eyes on the screen to bring up something. A condition. “As long as I can bring someone.”
“Sure,” Marcel doesn’t fret to agree. “Who?”
——
To Jane (the Therapist): Hey, I just wanted to know if we could talk again. There’s so much going on, I began blaming—
No.
No I can’t—you set your phone down and bury your head in your pillow and just lay there for a long minute until there’s a knock on the door. Since there was no one home you have no choice but to get up and make your way to the front door. As soon as you open the door you see Jean outside with his backpack strap on his shoulder, and a bag of food in his hand.
“I’m here,” he greets you. “Ready?”
You sigh and open the door wider to let him while you drag out your answer. “I suppose.” You close the door and walk after him. “I’m waiting for Eren to come home.”
Jean walks over to the Island to set his stuff down and talk to the empty space in front of him. “Oh, is everyone else gone?”
You take a seat across from him and fix the things you already had on the counter. “Yeah, they left some time ago. But the reason why you think I’m waiting for him isn’t why I want him to get home.”
Jean scoffs and smirks at his screen. “Yeah I understand, he’s annoying. Anyway, I brought you some food from downstairs.”
You lean forward and grab the bag to peek inside it. “From Levi?” You ask.
“Yeah.”
You faintly smile and take out the things to set them down around the table before you got yourself ready to help Jean.
“So,” Jean continues and keeps stealing peeks at you. “How are you feeling?”
You swallow thickly and sigh while you look up and assure him with a smile. “I’m okay. Nothing much has changed since this morning. So I’m okay.” You focus back on the computer screen and question him. “How was school?”
“It was okay, it was just a dread though.” He groans and rolls his eyes whilst he grabs his sandwich. “A couple of boring classes, and just paperwork for my exhibit.”
You perk up at the mention and slightly close your laptop to fully face him with a smile that slowly began to grow. “An exhibit? What? That’s exciting when?!” You exclaim to know, making Jean blush and scoff, but ultimately answer with confidence that faltered.
“Next month on the sixth, uhm you should come if you can, I’ll send you the info later.”
Your smile slowly falls, but you nod in agreement hoping it was before the charity ball. “Okay, you better, I’ll try to make room for you in my busy schedule.”
Jean chuckles and nods. “Alright.” He meets your gaze for a second before he looks back at his screen and smiles.
His smile alone makes your smile return, it makes your heart race and lets you reveal what you’ve been wanting to ask before you started. “Jean, I wanted to ask if you want to come to the beach on Friday? Porco, Marcel, Mikasa and Eren are going to,” you sigh, “lift my spirits. If you can, you should tag along, you can even invite some friends so you don’t feel odd.” You tilt your head slightly and grab your own sandwich to wait for his answer.
Jean runs his fingers through his hair to brush it back, but the strands he wanted to push back just fell back over his forehead, causing your breath to hitch and your face to grow hot.
“Sure,” he says with a grin. “I’ll go. I have room in my busy schedule.” His eyes flicker to you and he smirks. “Besides I’m a mean volleyball player.”
You scoff and quirk a brow to taunt him. “Really? I believe you. I mean, tsk,” you suck in air through your teeth and look at your screen, only feeling him hit you with a balled up napkin.
You laugh and shrug.
“Well, okay, boxer, if I do remember correctly I’m owed a match.” Jean brings up, making you scoff.
“How is that relevant to you being mean?”
Jean takes a bite of his sandwich and talks with his mouth slightly full. “I sense your judgment. I just want to assure you that you don’t want to play with me. I’m great at a lot of things.”
You scoff and nod slowly. “Okay. Well maybe you’ll prove that sometime next week then.” You hide your smirk behind your smile as you lift it again and finish your comment. “One of us has to win both volleyball and the match. To prove something. Winner gets….well that’s to be determined. What do you think?” You lift your eyes over your screen to meet his light brown eyes that are gleaming with excitement.
“You’re on sweetheart.”
You exhale deeply at his comment and hide the growing and shy smile on your face behind your screen.
After that was dealt with Jean and you begin working, and that went on without any disturbance, you both remained focused and didn’t go off topic until well past the time limit, Jean was even helping you with some work you had unfinished, but then when the door opened that concentration was broken as Eren walked in.
“See?—”
You lift your eyes off what Jean is pointing to and feel anger rise within you quickly, Eren greets you both, but his words tune out as you hop off your feet and charge towards him with a scowl on your face. “What the hell is wrong with you?!” You remark, noticing he began to step back away from you. “Huh? Answer me Eren?!”
Eren keeps walking back until he has enough room to slide to the side to escape your rage. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about!” He yells back and runs to the Island beside Jean. “I just got home.”
“Do you think I’m some kind of fucking chairty case! That I-I’m some kind of unstable person who can’t take care of herself?!” You keep arguing, seeing he was now moving back away from you while you followed after him.
“I didn’t do anything!”
You feign a laugh and begin to run after him, but he plays smart and doesn’t let you catch him, he runs around the island to be at the opposite end each time you want to reach him.
“You told everyone my business Eren!” You inform him since he’s acting dumb. “It was not your news tell! None of it was but you opened your mouth and everyone was greeting me with smiles and sweet voices as if I’m dying! None of what happened was your business to tell!”
“I helped you! And jean is here so what?!“ he argued back.
You gasp and your eyes widen and you quicken your pace and begin collecting napkins and trashed paper off the counter. “Yes and so what?! What if I told everyone you broke up with Mikasa? Huh?! You would be seething?! And jean! He’s here because I’m helping him, because he was the only one who’s supposed to know! But you told everyone! It wasn’t your business Eren! It wasn’t!” You begin throwing stuff at him but he keeps avoiding it and starts finding amusement in the situation.
“So you’re not grateful—”
“Shut up,” you bellow and stop now since he was too much of a smart ass to catch.
“I helped you, can’t you be thankful?”
You clench your jaw and scoff, you want nothing more but to throw your computer at him, but you contain yourself for Jean’s sake since he had no choice but to watch your fight.
“I don’t want to talk to you,” you snap back instead and walk back to your seat to sit down and ignore him, not bothering to look up at the front door that opened.
“What’s going on?” You hear Levi ask. “Why is everyone screaming? I can hear you from downstairs.”
You huff and glance over the front door, catching Erwin walking up behind him. “Nothing,” you dismiss the argument that just went on. “Jean and I were going to my room to finish.” You collect your things and Jean has no choice but to do the same before following after you as you make your way to your room without looking at either of them.
However Levi stopped you before you could disappear in your room. “We’re all having dinner later. There’s no way out.”
You stop briefly and answer through gritted teeth since you think it’s about what happened last night. “Fine we’re almost done anyway.”
Once you’re secure in your room you drop your stuff and just throw yourself on the bed to look at ceiling and feel a cat snuggle up beside you.
“What’s with all the cats?” Jean deadpans, knowing that you weren’t going to work anymore.
You snicker. “I have a thing for strays. I do have two of my own though. The others are stray who come and go as they please. Cool huh?”
Jean scoffs and you practically hear him roll his eyes from where he was sitting.
“Now can I ask you something?” You bring up with less amusement. “Why are you nice to me? I mean you defended me yesterday, and I’m grateful. You came today when you didn’t have to and I’m grateful, but why is it that you’re nice to me?” You keep looking at your ceiling and swallow back the lump that formed in your throat. “I mean I know what people say about me. No one really likes me, I’m just a bitchy rich girl who’s got a crooked family. I’m boring. I’m no one. I’m an airhead. I’m fake. So why? I mean you even said those things about me.”
Jean stays quiet for a moment and each second he stayed quiet the more your heart beat, the more your anxiety to hear his answer rose until you felt like you were going to explode and have some form of attack. You actually thought he wouldn’t answer. He’d leave the deafening silence as it was, but he didn’t.
“Because you’re different,” he mutters softly. “It’s cliche, I know. But you are. I do have to admit I did think that about you, but I got to know you, you’re cool, fun, rich yes, a little spoiled yes, bratty, also yes. But you’re cool, genuine. You’re funny. You’re beautiful. You’re fun to be around, and I…well I don’t know…” he pauses and seems to be lost for words, it lets you sit up to face him with your lips parted slightly and your eyes gleaming with tears you forbid from falling.
“You’re not saying that because of yesterday right?” You croak out.
Jean holds your gaze and sighs as he answers. “A little, but,” he says and stands up to walk towards you. “I mean every word. I may have just met you, but I’m not lying, I won’t. Not to you. The day I do is the day we’re not friends.”
You grin and huff out. “Okay,” you whisper. “Thank you.”
Jean sits beside you and that’s it, he doesn’t try anything besides pushing his hand to be closer to yours on the bed; to the point your pinkies are the only things that touched. Beside that he stayed like that and just keeps you company in the silence.
That is until your phone rings. You check who it is and quickly put it on silence.
“Who is it?” Jean asks after a second of debating wether to ask or not.
You scoff. “My parents. I don’t feel like talking to them though.” You fall back down on your bed and hear him drag on the subject.
“They’re probably just worried. Just answer. You don’t even have to show your face.”
Your eyebrows scrunch together and you lay in the tense silence until you take his words for consideration with a groan. “No.”
“Well,” Jean huffed and lay beside you. “They keep calling.”
You turn your head to meet his eyes and shoot him a quip. “I don’t like you.” You reach for your phone and answer the call.
*LATER THAT NIGHT*
You sigh and slightly shift your glass cup to the side, you shift your silverware and then glance up to share a brief look with Eren.
“I’m glad the two of you could come along,” Erwin broke the silence that had fallen over the table.
“Well,” Eren sighs with a feigned smile on his face. “We were kind of—”
“We wouldn’t miss it,” you cut Eren off and offer Erwin a warmer smile. “This dinner seems important to both Levi and you so we had to come.”
Erwin shoots you a smile and steals a glance at Eren before looking at Levi across from him and offering a much giddier smile.
“So,” you start the conversation and grab your cup to pull it to your lips. “What is this about exactly?”
Levi and Erwin look at one another for a second before they look at both Eren and you. “I’d rather talk about this when we get our food.”
Eren shifts in his seat and grabs his wine off the table to take a long chug. The three of you around him pretended that you weren’t paying attention but you noticed his eagerness to drink it all.
“Why were Eren and you arguing earlier?” Levi begins to interrogate.
You take a drink of your wine and when you set the cup down you swallow and answer with sass. “Eren likes being in other people’s business.”
Said man sits up and props his elbows on the table to shoot you a menacing smile as he retorted, “I was helping you.”
You tilt your head and clench your jaw. “Were you? Or did you do it out personal gain? I didn’t need you to help me today, Eren. I called you because I needed your help, but after that you should’ve just kept quiet. I trusted you.”
Eren huffs and leans forward and opens his mouth to argue but he gets quickly cut off by Levi. “Enough, Eren. Not here.”
“I didn’t say anything.” He argues, his face twisting into a scowl. “I’m just reminding her why I did what I did.”
“And she’s right,” Levi hops on your side. “It wasn’t your business to tell other people what happened, it’s her choice not yours. You helped her last night and I’m sure she’s grateful, but you can’t just tell that to other people if she’s not comfortable.”
You hadn’t told Levi what happened, but you knew he knew and that didn’t take away from your surprise when he intervened without asking anything in return.
However, Eren stays quiet, his eyes fall on the empty space in front of him before he exhales deeply and looks back up at you to offer you a faint and tight lipped smile. “I’m sorry.”
You swallow your pride and smile back. “Thank you Eren.”
Eren fixes his posture and grabs his cup again to chug the rest of his wine and then serve himself some more, earning a concerned gaze from Levi, but getting nothing said to him.
“So,” you change the topic. “Work, Erwin, how is that?”
Erwin sets his cup down and meets your gaze to answer. “It’s great, but I did resign.”
You blink and scoff. “What why?”
Erwin smirks. “I plan on traveling for a while, that’s why.”
Eren huffs and leans forward. “That’s nice. Like a world tour type of thing?”
“Yes,” Erwin nods. “I want to see the world. I don’t want to be stuck here on this Island.”
You swallow thickly at his wishes as you feel uneasy since you knew what that might imply. “That’s nice,” you comment softly. “Very.”
“I think so.”
“The food is coming,” Levi interjects, making all conversation stop to watch as the waiters set the plates down on the table. To hear as Eren ordered another wine bottle after he alone finished the first one you were given.
You: that’s enough drinking Eren.
Seconds pass and your phone vibrates.
Eren: It’s not much.
You sigh and glare over at him before you type back fast—you: if you want to get drunk do it at home, we’re having dinner be respectful.
Eren: says the one who didn’t want to come in the first place.
Eren: I won’t drink much.
“Erwin,” Eren begins to say with a smile as he swallows his food. “You should’ve met Levi before. When he hadn’t opened the teashop yet. He was all business and no fun.” He snickers. “Like a military Captain.”
You take a bite of food and keep your eyes on your food as Erwin replies. “Really? Hmm. I can’t say he’s much different.”
“I can be fun,” Levi defends himself, making Erwin chuckle. “I’d build forts with y/n all the time.”
Your eyes flicker above your plate, and you take in your bite of food to chew slowly and swallow it down as you recall those distant memories. Ones linked with so much happiness.
“I’d have sleepovers in my own living room with Eren and Y/N, you don’t remember that Eren?” Levi continues.
There’s silence for a minute, when you look up at Eren you see him playing with his food, unable to keep a smile from tugging on his lips. “Yes,” he answers more genuinely this time. “I do. I remember y/n wanting to watch scary movies and then not being able to sleep at night. She said that some giant monster was going to grab her and eat her.” He snickers.
“She’d say, “Levi I can’t sleep out in the open”,” Levi bounces off Eren. “And we were inside our house for context. “I have to sleep inside up in my tree house so the giant Titans won’t get me.” He smiles faintly and takes a bite of his food. “She’d force me build a fort in our living room so we could be “safe” and then Eren would scare her so badly that she’d almost shit herself.”
You roll your eyes and share a dry and fake laugh in response to their story. Erwin laughs and it just makes you slouch in your seat and eat in silence and annoyance.
That is until you remember a story of your own. “No! Remember that time Eren got high because he ate Isabel’s brownies! Brownies she said not to touch!”
“I was ten,” Eren adds as if that helped.
“And you wanted Levi to hold you the entire time because you said you’d—”
“I was paranoid,” Eren cut you off, making you laugh.
The rest of the conversations went on like those, light, fun, tension free. Even Levi shared a few laughs too, he shared stories, he didn’t stay quiet and observe. Neither did you sit in silence regretting tagging along, no bad memory or bad topic was brought up that ruined dinner. No matter what relationships you all had currently, all that was forgotten for now as time seemed to go back to the times where problems didn’t make you all distant and a bit vain.
That is not until the expected conversation was finally brought up again.
“We wanted to share,” Erwin says with no sign of hesitation, or uneasiness “that Levi and are officially together as a couple.”
Looks pass around the table, silence threatens to become tense and awkward but then Eren and you grin and add to his announcement. “We knew.” You reassure them. “I mean it was obvious neither of you hid it well.”
“Yeah,” Eren agrees. “We knew.”
“Well,” Levi clears his throat. “That makes our next announcements easier then, Erwin.” He signals said man to continue.
“We are also planning to get married, and Levi is planning to come travel with me.”
The mood drastically changes. Eren chugs his wine and averts his gaze, whilst you grip onto your glass and look between both of them and offer them a small smile as you sigh. “Congratulations.” You raise your cup to toast to them. “I’m truly happy for you guys.”
“How long?” Eren blurts.
Levi shifts in his seat and clears his throat to answer Eren honestly. “We don’t know. We won’t return from our trip anytime soon though.”
Eren’s jaw clenches and chugs more wine he had served himself.
“Why?” Levi probes as notices Eren’s shift in mood, the tension in his shoulders. “Is that a problem Eren?”
Eren sets his cup down and brushes his hair back, he feigns a smile he directs solely to Levi and snaps back. “No, I mean you’re not my dad so why should I have a problem? Get married, leave, that doesn’t bother me.”
There’s a dead silence, silverware clinks, bells in the distance ring, laughter and chatter echo.
No one around the table moves but Eren who doesn’t seem to care what he said just now. Or at least that’s how he was playing it.
You couldn’t even find words to try and correct Eren, to assure Levi that Eren’s just drunk and stupid, that even if you had your differences he was everything to the both of you; friend, confidant, provider, father. Your words got stuck in your throat and all you could do was sit still and affected as if you were just wounded with Eren’s cruel words.
“No,” Levi finally breaks the silence, giving no hint in his voice that he was hurt. “Eren, I am not your father. Thank you for sharing your opinion.” Levi calls for the check to pay wi
Warning- Angst, SLOWBURN, Violence, LONG CHAPTER! Heartbreak and talks of death.
Pairing- Jean Kirstein x reader, Reiner Braun x reader
Episodes- 1x13-1x16
(Let me know if you want to be tagged)
————
There’s nights, specifically the recent nights, where you have nightmares of being back underground. With Furlan and Isabel. Only them. More specifically with their dead bodies.
It’s weirdly vivid, and pitch dark. You knew that if someone were to ask you to describe the dream, you could give them every aspect of the cold and dark room, of every spot on the wooden ceiling, of every ridge on the floor boards. You could describe the humid, dirt, death, rotting stench that is uniquely tied to the underground. Even if it was supposed to be dark in the nightmare, you could describe Furlan and Isabel bodies exactly as they were splayed on the ground, with their pool of blood staining the floor surrounding them. Almost as if it was a past memory.
Their lifeless eyes were engraved to your mind, the dim picture of their wounded bodies haunted you. The cruel darkness swallowed you and the dirty corner you were curled by, trapped you in place so you were forced to keep seeing them.
When you would manage to wake from the nightmare, you would search for your candlelight, or the moonlight peeking through the window to remind yourself that you weren’t in the underground anymore. That their bodies weren’t by your feet.
Even if the nightmare felt oddly familiar though, like you had lived some aspect of that trauma in your past. But you couldn’t place it. It just played as a cruel nightmare now.
↪ content; canon universe, description of violence, season 4, reincarnation!au, heavy angst
Was it three? Four? Jean didn’t really count how many years had passed since the last time he saw you. It was the happiest day of his life when he finally married the woman of his dreams, the first love from his previous lifetime, and his forever more in this one, too. How romantic. To love the same person over and over again.
The venue was decorated so prettily, and he wanted to thank you along with his wife for creating such a blast. You were the best wedding organiser out there, at least to him, you were. Ever since he bumped into you inside the antique bookshops, spending about five years with you as a dear friend, he knew he could count on you.
So imagine his surprise when there was only your assistant idling around by the end of the day. With a folder in her hand and a notebook with your handwritten tucked inside. Something for him. Just him, not the others, and of course not for Mikasa.
He needed time to understand the reason. Reading page by page for a bazillion of times since he was afraid he missed some information. He hoped you hinted where you would go or what you were going to do in between the lines as his heart skipped a beat faster. Thinking that maybe you tried to say something.
But even after he read it every day before he fell asleep, Jean learned nothing from it except a little fairy tale that was now engraved in his brain.
There was a little girl. So naïve — not knowing what kind of danger lingered outside the wall.
Walls. Titans. Such a bizarre story you had written there. About survival, friendship, different beliefs and so many more condensed into your notebook. There were some sentences he felt so familiar with, especially when the girl interacted with her best friend. Some promises, the banter and how they teased each other.
Jean had a smile plastered on his face every time he read it, as if he was reminiscing some old memories. One that he could never forget with how precious it was to him.
One that he eventually did without him being aware of it.
“I am ready now.” Turning around, he couldn’t help but wolf-whistle when he saw how gorgeous his wife was. “Do I look good?” She twirled around, raven hair floating in the air as she showed off her emerald body-con dress, hugging her body so perfectly.
“Babe, all men would be jealous of me to have you in my arms.” He let out a small chuckle and pressed a deep kiss on her lips, leaving a wet smack sound when he pulled away. “Let’s go then. I am betting the others are waiting.”
Mikasa Ackerman, now Mikasa Kirstein. The smugness on his face every time he remembered how his friend gawked at him never faltered. Even after years went by, he was still proud of having such a pretty lady to be called as his wife. The days that went by felt like he was newly wed all over again since she never once changed.
Something that made him want to wake up every morning, knowing how perfect his life was. Yes, perfect. But not complete, never complete.
Jean didn’t know what else he needed. He had a wife that loved him so, a stable job in such a prestigious law firm, and an adorable dog that had become their kid for the last couple of years. Marco once told him that maybe he wanted a baby, but even when he knew Mikasa could not bear children, he didn’t feel disappointed at all.
That was what made him decide to travel around the world in his free time. Taking his wife with him as they went on a random journey every time. He tried to find the meaning of life, what could have possibly made him whole. Some said he needed to be grateful. He did, he always did, with what the world had bestowed upon him.
Yet, after a few years went by, and he still had that gap in his days, he ended up taking it as some kind of redemption, perhaps an atonement over his sin in the past life.
“Goodness, is that Sasha?” Mikasa pointed at someone who was now standing in front of the restaurant with her husband, Niccolo, right beside her. “She smuggled something inside her bag. She never changed, Jean.” A small giggle slipped from her lips, followed by a deep chuckle from him as he parked the car.
A reunion. Just a small one in between him, Connie, Sasha, and Marco. The golden quartet, you once said. And the four of them thought it had become a quintet ever since he brought you into his house and introduced you to them. But now, it was back to just them, never once changed as no one actually fitted in as easily as you.
Taking a deep breath, he felt a shiver down his spine the second he was out of his car. Winter was never kind to those who went out, they knew that, but it wouldn’t be them if they were not being stubborn. After all, three years had passed ever since Marco moved to New Zealand, and since he was coming back, they had to celebrate.
The second he went inside the restaurant with his wife, a loud cheer from Connie and Sasha resonated throughout the place, making some pairs of eyes turn to face him. Mikasa could only chuckle at that, always loving the warm atmosphere every time the two rascals were around before she pushed Jean to get them.
He didn’t waste a time and just ruffled his best friends, feeling so light as he felt like this was the only moment he felt almost complete. When their friends surrounded him, tears pricked the corner of their eyes from too much laughing, making fun of each other to no end to the point they were embarrassing each other.
And for a split second, he thought about how everything could be much better if you were still around. If only you were not gone without a trace.
“Starting the reunion without me?” A smooth, angelic tone that belonged to the only sane person in the group stopped them from killing each other. “I thought we were here to celebrate my return. Guess not, huh?”
“Oh, come here Mr Bodt!”
The husband and wives of the quartet knew it was time for them to enjoy their time, giving their loved ones some moment to reminisce about life. Three years wasn’t short for Jean, Marco, Connie and Sasha, who used to spend their time together for probably the first fifteen years of their life since elementary school.
Jean felt like the night was perfect. The fact that one of his best friends returned to Paradis was also a plus. Knowing they could hang out like they used to, having back the routine he once lost, maybe after this, he would feel complete.
And oh, he felt exactly that. He felt in every fibre of his being the second Marco leaned away and cleared his throat to reveal someone else that went with him to the reunion, someone that Jean thought would never see again.
There was you, in all your glory. With the same smile he remembered the last time he saw your face. He couldn’t move his body, lips slightly parted as he thought his eyes deceived him. You were here. You were coming back to them, to his life.
He wasn’t able to grasp whatever Marco said as the ravenette patted your shoulders. His pupil followed you around, looking at how you kissed Sasha’s cheeks and tried to calm her down since she was crying by now. Connie just had his jaw dropped to the ground, saying no way! repeatedly underneath his breath as it grew louder and louder.
You fitted back in so easily. Just like that. Here again as if you never left in the first place. There were so many questions he wanted to ask, so many things he wondered. Jean felt happy, fuming, hurt, all at the same time because he longed to see you, to have you in his life. He had lost you once before. He didn’t want to lose you again.
“Hello, Jean.” You waved your hand in front of his face, snapping him out of his reverie. “How are you? I saw Mikasa before. She’s as pretty as ever! Bet you have been treating her right with how much she glows.”
“Oh, you know me.” Of course you did. He didn’t need to explain or say much since you were the one who knew him best, after all. “I always treat those I love with everything I can give to them, anyway.”
The missing piece of the puzzle appeared out of nowhere. Slipping back into his life and making his time searching for it came to waste. It was you. Always did from the first moment he tugged your wrist. The person who was so important that he felt like he had lost something when you were gone without a trace.
You kept your hands on your lap as you sat beside him, with Marco on the other side as he asked what you wanted to order. Jean couldn’t help himself but pointed at some dishes on the menu, things that he felt so sure you liked. If those four years you went missing didn’t change you, you would pick one of his recommendations.
And the night rolled on without a hitch. No one thought it was weird to see another lady in between the rowdy quartet. Yes, you always belonged there. Not even one spouse thought you weren’t supposed to be among them.
Sometimes Connie and Sasha would ask what you had been doing. After all, even though you could click right in with them so easily, they were still curious about what happened in the vast gap of years they missed you. Whether you were happy, whether you missed them too, whether you found someone —
And when you smiled and glanced in hisdirection. The two immediately kept their lips curled into a soft smile.
They didn’t need to ask more. They understood without you needing to elaborate with words. But Jean? He did. He needed to hear you spell it out for him.
However, when stupid banter and over the top jokes replaced the somewhat serene atmosphere from before, he stopped himself. Maybe he could ask you later when the two of you were alone. You were always more open around him, and he hoped a few years apart didn’t change that part.
It was almost ten, and they were the only crowd who stayed in this restaurant. The only customer left. Marco felt like it was time for them to end the night, much to everyone’s dismay, since tomorrow was Monday anyway.
They had to get enough sleep so they wouldn’t get hazy in the morning for work. At the reminder of that, the rest of the group could only groan and nodded, dispersing to get fresh air since there was some alcohol flowing in their blood.
Jean thanked Mikasa for accompanying him, smiling all the way to his ears when she gave him a kiss and told him she would be the one who drove. It was really nice indeed, a surprising night since he didn’t expect you to be here again, to appear with his best friend and grace him with your presence that was long gone.
Walking towards the balcony, he lit his cigarette to clear his mind. And lady luck seemed to be on his side tonight the moment he saw you leaned in at the railing with a glass of water in your hand.
“I thought you were going home.”
“Hm? Not yet, Jean.”
He leaned his back on the railing, puffing out some greyish smoke into the air. Five feet apart, because he knew you disliked the smell of the burned cigarette.
You didn’t even turn to face him. Not a gesture of surprise could be seen as he stepped inside your space. He wondered what you were thinking, and most importantly, he wanted to know why you came back after all those years.
“I read your notebook every day.” But if he wanted you to tell him everything. He needed to play his card right. “Before I sleep. Every day, ever since I received it.”
Jean didn’t let you question his commitment. Clarifying what he had done for the last four years. He wanted you to know how much your existence meant to him, and how the past years without you there had been consuming him little by little. Even though you were just his best friend, he cherished you as much as he did for his wife.
“I see.” He glanced at you, wanting to see your reaction. You only twirled the mineral water around, not even an ounce of emotion changed your neutral visage. “What do you think, then?”
“It was heartbreaking.”
“Of course. It’s not really about rainbow and—”
“But also nostalgic, in a way.”
Your pupils dilated at his words. There, the exact emotion that he couldn’t fathom. You stopped responding; you stopped whatever words you wanted to say and merely — existed. Hell, sometimes he thought you didn’t even breathe when you were like this. “I wanted to ask you something. No, a lot of things, actually.”
As he took a step closer towards you, it almost made him falter when he saw the way you leaned away. Four years have changed you. He was aware of that. But he still needed you to clarify something, if that was possible. He just needed to know why. He wanted to know what he did wrong for you to leave him in the dust.
Not just him. Connie and Sasha would often ask where you were, and if everything was alright while Marco comforted them. The three of them would be crazy thinking about your whereabouts if only the ravenette didn’t calm them down.
“It’s late, Jean.” You took a deep breath, shutting your eyes for a second there before it laid upon him. “We can talk tomorrow. I am going to move here again so we can catch up anytime we want.” That smile on your face. He frowned when he realised it didn’t reach your eyes. “After all, your wife waited for you, right?”
It felt like he had been in this place before. In the same situation where he was so close to knowing, to learn about something between you and him, and yet it always dispersed into nothing as you assured him he shouldn’t be worried about it.
As if you didn’t want him to know. As if you tried to hinder him from finding out the truth.
“Why did you always push me away…?”
He sounded so broken when he threw the question, and you gaped at how vulnerable the intonation that lingered there. “Do you know something? Have you seen any memories from the past? Is it that badwith me?”
“Jean, no. I—” You wanted to calm him down. Your palm was hovering right in front of his chest, but you stopped yourself. It looked like you were scared to touch him. “I can’t. Please know that I can’t talk about this. There’s a reason and maybe one day you could understand. But I hope you didn’t. I really hope you neverdid.”
“So you actually see the past.” He snorted in disbelief. All those times he tried to tell you about the awakened memories. All those years, he thought you were clueless and just another normal human being. It was a lie. “Then you know? On my wedding day, I was so close to see it through but you didn’t let me, you — you lied to me!”
“Jean!”
“And why is that, huh? Am I turned out to be such a despicable person? Is that the reason you moved away, telling no one about it?!”
“No! You don’t understand! The past few years also tortured me! But I did it because I must evade you, Jean. I did it for you—”
“Everything’s okay?”
The two heads whipped towards the source of the voice. Marco raised one of his eyebrows before scrunching his forehead since he would never have thought to see you and Jean having a heated argument. “It’s late. I think both of you drank too much liquor. If there’s something you both need to talk about, I suggest tomorrow.”
He strode right beside you, standing so close, as if he tried to shield you from Jean. The taller man could only look down at his best friend with disbelief before grumbling a bit underneath his breath.
A ravenette, always a ravenette. The one who blocked him from unravelling his own memory was Mikasa back then, and now it was Marco.
“Fine, then.”
“Good. I am sure Mikasa is waiting for you, too.”
Marco smiled at him, and the tension Jean felt slowly lifted off his shoulder. His best friend was right, he had to go back since Mikasa had been so kind to wait for him. What a perfect woman indeed, and he gave a small nod towards the freckled man.
From your words, you were really going to stay here again. So if by chance he could grab a coffee with you, he would continue this conversation then. Completely sober because he didn’t want to mess things up. “We will see you later, Jean. Goodnight.”
“Yeah, pal. Good—”
“You know, Jean?” He was barely done replenishing the gas for his manoeuvring gear when Marco sat beside him. “I think you are not really in love with Mikasa.”
“What?” Jean stopped what he did. All the shouts of excitement from another cadet were muted as he could only hear his best friend’s voice. Marco had the audacity to have a smirk on his face, not facing him still as he fixed his boots. “Oi, how come you say that?”
“Because it’s the truth. You actually put your heart in your sleeve, Jean.”
Jean immediately stood from where he sat, forcing the freckled boy to look at him because of his abrupt movement. He didn’t know where the ravenette got that idea from. And surely he didn’t expect him to say it now when they were going to climb back on top of the wall after retaking the headquarters. Couldn’t he wait to discuss this? Something as — important as his heart?
“No, I am not.” He jutted his lips out, something that only elicited a chuckle from his best friend. Something that made Jean scowl even more now. “I adore her entire existence, Marco. She is the prettiest woman out there. So brave and the greatest soldier in our ranks. Shit, even when all she could think of was Eren, I still want her!”
“Are you really?” Those light brown orbs fixated on someone behind him, one that he immediately followed since he wanted to know what Marco had been trying to say to him.
Sasha slumped herself towards you, practically crying and wailed some gratitude on your chest. You were not even trying to get her off you, understanding how shocked she would have been since a titan almost got her. If you were not there to kill the one she was assigned to before, maybe Sasha wouldn’t even be here right now.
You and your gentle nature, so nurturing to those around but at the same time could be such a clown around them. Jean only let out a small chuckle at the sight of the two girls, and when you realised he had been looking at you, he could feel his cheeks heated.
But he didn’t look away, not feeling embarrassed that you caught him, not at all.
“I couldn’t really hide things from you, huh, Marco?” He whispered out underneath his breath, just enough for the ravenette to hear him. “Since when did you know about it?”
“Since the first day, maybe.” Turning around, he faced Marco once again, who was now down with the preparation. “You always talked about her, telling me about her stupid antics. And of course, that soft smile on your face, Jean.”
“Yeah, can’t help it when she always makes me feel like I am…” He chuckled. The smile reached his eyes in the middle of this hellish time from just the thought of you. “…whole.”
Jean didn’t want anyone to know, actually. About how he was secretly in love with his best friend, someone who knew him like the back of their hand. He once asked Connie to nudge the idea of him liking you, but the bald boy said you only fake gagged and walked away, a sign that Jean took for him to take a step back.
The world only needed to know that Mikasa Ackerman rejected him. One person was enough. He didn’t need them to know you also did.
“Why do you hide it away, though?”
“Oh, come on, Marco.” His chuckle now turned bitter. “I am not risking what I already have with her.”
Jean swallowed an enormous lump before turning around, beckoning his best friend to follow suit, as he didn’t want to talk about this anymore. With Mikasa, it was fine because they started as strangers. But with you? He clicked with your mind and taste in joke, practically chose you as his ally since day one he saw you tamed Sasha.
He didn’t want to throw the dice, wondering if maybe he could have more with you. So he decided to just love Mikasa, continuing his admiration while still keeping you close.
Because he was aware, he wouldn’t feel complete without you in his life.
Jean sucked a deep breath, not believing himself or what he just saw. Everything, everything. It felt like time stopped as all the memories from his past life came into him. Not just a glimpse, not just a spark or anything he had seen before when he was with Mikasa or anyone else he met before.
It was just a playful pat from Marco on his shoulder, but he swore it made his legs wobble for a second there as if the freckled man tried to push him off the balcony. He couldn’t breathe, not knowing where the oxygen in his lungs went with these memories came to him like a hurdle of waves, trying to drown him out.
He wanted to reach out towards you and the ravenette who was already walking away. Marco had his left hand intertwined with yours, practically pulling you away from him and it just — it wasn’t fair and it hurt.
“Hey.”
Jean called out to you, feeling so relieved when you stopped walking and took another look at him. Right now, there was only you in his eyes. You, the one who knew him best, maybe the same or even more than the man who stood behind you.
There were so many things he wanted to say. So many words that were left unsaid after the whirlpool of emotion came crashing down at him. And when you pursed your lips, when he saw tears glossed your eyes despite you tried to keep it at bay, he had a feeling that you knew.
Oh, you knew that he knew.
The promises. What he had said before in the life where the two of you were reckless soldiers, everything went up to the surface after being buried by nature.
So this was the reason you always had some kind of subtle reaction when he talked about Mikasa. This was the reason you ended up moving to another place without telling him, the thing that pushed you to go away and settled your heart somewhere else.
Because you realise the promises had been broken the second he said I do, four years ago, in front of Mikasa Ackerman.
“I promise, I promise I will find you one day.”
He did. He found you here in this lifetime. A place without titan, without the two of you having to be afraid that every moment would be the last.
“We will be happy by then.”
However, it was nothing like the one he had in mine. Not the one youhad been waiting for. The two of you didn’t meet and fall in love, not married to one another and have kids or anything you were supposed to tell him. The house he bought in previous lifetime and this one — it wasn’t for you. Not for you to take a shelter in with him.
He could have that. If only in this life too,he was willing to gamble his friendship with you. Maybe you were the one who had his last name instead of the woman who now waited for him in the driver’s seat.
But the two of you were aware that maybe, no matter what kind of world he resided in, this was how it would end with you.
“Y-Yes, Jean?”
With him to live and fall in love with someone else, and you to stay in his life as nothing more but a dearest friend.
↪ content; canon universe, description of violence, season 4, reincarnation!au, heavy angst
“Will you marry me?”
You stopped putting up the blade on the scabbard when you heard the question from behind you. At this messed up moment, you never expected someone to make such a crucial proposition, not when in a few minutes from now you were ready to board the flying boat, ready to put your life on the line to save the world.
The question echoed at the back of your mind, and you were still debating whether it was a good thing to turn around and acknowledge the marriage proposal you received or just shrugged it off. You were not in a situation to think about something as petty as love, not when one of you probably couldn’t make it out alive from this cruel war.
If the two of you were strolling around Trost like what you used to, you would not hesitate to face him. You could imagine yourself with your eyes shining under the bright sunlight, asking what he meant whether he was being serious or just wanted to tease you. And you knew, you would know the answer to his question.
“Don’t joke around at a time like this, Jean.”
But the circumstance you were in right now did not help you to let out the word that you wanted to say. There was no time to be a lovesick woman, there was no time to think about a future that was out of your reach. The thing that you needed to be focused on was for you to give everything you had to fight the founding titan.
You really hoped that he would drop the question and just let you go, because you knew your heart too well, and saying no to him was something that had been a struggle for you ever since the two of you were just stupid brats in the Cadet Corps.
“You know I will never joke about something as important as this.”
No air could fill your lungs at this point, and you felt your legs wobble slightly from the earnest tone that he used. “Hey, just listen to me, okay? Turn around, face me at least if you want to say no. Rejection is something that I have been through my whole life anyway.”
That was it. That was probably the reason you didn’t want to face him. You knew. You were there. Your eyes caught everything for the past years ever since you knew him, and you swore from the bottom of your heart that you would do anything if only he could look at you like how he saw the beautiful, multi-talented ravenette that now was chatting with Armin.
He was not serious with the question, probably he was, but he would never be serious when it came to his own feelings. Him loving you? That was probably the stupidest, deceitful, delusional thing that ever crossed your mind. And you knew the reason why he threw that question at you instead of her.
Because as for now, she only had eyes on someone else, the same person that was trying to commit worldwide genocide, excluding Paradis, the same person that everyone was trying to take down with their blades and guns.
“Why do you want to marry me in the first place, Jean?” You tried as hard as you could not to let your voice waver, still not facing him as you didn’t want to show how pitiful you looked right now. “You would never want to marry me. We fight now and then, we bicker all the time—”
“Because you are the one who knows me best, that’s why.” He cut you off, perhaps still blinded by his own selfishness at this point. You should have known that he would never drop this off so easily, and you could only grit your teeth, not wanting to lash out. “You know me so well, no one else could understand me as much as you do. So please, I-I will love you—”
“Can you even promise that you are going to love me?” You swallowed a huge lump, waiting for his response to such a simple question. Something that never came for the next few seconds. “See, Jean?” Then you turned around, locking your gaze with his as you saw how his pupils widened, probably because he finally saw the tears that streamed down your face. “You couldn’t even promise that you are going to love me back.”
You felt so dumb right now, hands shaking from the feelings that you always buried deep inside your heart. All these years, you always knew your place, you knew you could never be as perfect as the woman that he loved. Yet he just needed to bring it up, to ask something that you wanted nothing but to answer with an excited yes.
If only you didn’t know, if only you could blind yourself from the truth — you would have run to him right now, wrapping your arms around his neck and smashing your lips against his. Something that consistently appeared in your mind with how much you wanted to know how he tasted.
But that was the thing you could never do. You watched on the sideline for the seven years you had known him, knowing how in love he was. Everything was imprinted in your mind, so you knew you could never act like you didn’t notice that he would be ready to give his own life just to save her.
He was standing still from his place, lips parted even though there were no words that rolled down his tongue. You couldn’t blame him, even though he could be such a selfish jerk sometimes, he was someone that would never want to hurt his comrades. Especially not to someone like you who was always there for him through thick and thin.
There were a few pairs of eyes that turned to look at you two, possibly debating if they should intervene or just let everything happen as it was. You knew they were probably only getting worried that there would be a huge fight that could lead to nothing but regret in later days, even so, you didn’t like the non-existent privacy that you had then.
Inhaling the air through your nose, making the salty scent of the ocean tickle your nostrils, you decided to be the one who just let it go. It didn’t matter anyway, no matter how many things you wanted to tell him, there was no alternative future where Jean Kirstein was in love with you.
Therefore, with a heavy heart, you walked past him, leaving him to contemplate alone about his own feelings. He didn’t call out to you, not trying to stop you from walking away, so you knew that he probably understood by now that asking you to marry him was the biggest mistake he ever made in his life.
Although you wished, you really wished in your wildest dream that perhaps someday, you could hear him ask the exact same question to you.
Using an intonation filled with certainty, with his whole heart loving every part of your being.
Your fingertips trailing the white silk napery that was draped neatly on top of a round, wooden table. A smile etched on your face since you knew today would be perfect. Everything was in place, and you couldn’t feel better knowing that the weather was excellent at the moment.
White dress wrapped around your figure, and you felt so beautiful and confident wearing it. Leaving the table where the tall wedding cake was placed before, you sauntered through the venue to greet each guest that you met along the way, with the same smile that never wavered as they congratulated you for today.
You didn’t realise how a pair of molten copper eyes looking at you with pride glinting inside his orbs, praising you internally as he felt so blessed that you were here. From the very first start he met you, he knew there was something about your existence that made him want nothing but to keep you in his life.
He recalled how he bumped into you a few years back in a bookstore, and even though you were ready to slip away from him after muttering a small apology, he couldn’t help himself but grip your wrist, telling you to wait.
And despite the embarrassment that took him from gripping a stranger’s wrist, he thanked himself for not letting you go that easily.
Because now, you had become such an important person in his life, someone that he would always cherish no matter what.
“Is everything ready?”
You flinched when you felt someone’s breath on your ear, making you yelp since you were just done greeting another guest that asked you where to sit.
“Jean!” Turning your head to face him, you whispered-shout at his face before punching his chest lightly, an action that elicited a low chuckle coming from his lips. “What are you doing here? Goodness! The groom shouldn’t wander around the venue like this, you know?”
Your pout always looked so adorable, and that was one of the reasons why he always loved to tease you. He didn’t know why, but he couldn’t have a single day pass without trying to mess with your head. And despite how annoying he could be, you always stayed and gave him your attention.
“You are not supposed to be here either.” He gently flicked your chin, and he let out another chuckle when you hissed from his action.
“Fuck it, Jean. At this point, I ask myself what the meaning of my existence in your life actually is.” You scoffed, rolling your eyes in a mocking tone as you folded your arms in front of your chest. “You always tease me! Why do you even want me here in the first place? I would end up to be—”
“Because you are the one who knows me best, that’s why.”
He swore he could see your pupils dilated slightly from his words, and it made him stop laughing at you, since he saw that emotion inside your eyes all over again. You were always like this sometimes, to suddenly stop talking, stop responding to anything for a few seconds as if your whole life was fleeting through your mind.
But then it was back to normal, and the emotionless facade that you had before now slowly filled with another expression.
“Is that supposed to be a compliment, Jean Kirstein?”
Though somehow, he could sense something from the way you called his name just now. Something that he didn’t know what it was, but it made him scared and oddly nostalgic at the same time.
“Well, it's—”
“Jean! It’s the time!”
A gentle, familiar voice called out to him. And the atmosphere that was built nicely around the two of you suddenly vanished into the thin air. Both of you turned to the source of the voice, finding the beautiful ravenette woman waving in your direction. “Connie is waiting for you in the dressing room!”
“I’ll be there soon, love!”
He waved back, though he didn’t move his feet even until the woman walked away from the scene. Today was his wedding day, and he was supposed to be so thrilled and felt all of the excitement in his heart. In a few minutes from now, the love of his life, his first love and dream girl would be his wife, but at the moment, he didn’t want to leave you alone just yet.
“So, where are—”
“Nevermind, Jean. She called.” You took a few steps backwards, giving him and you a proper gap. But his face never left you as somehow he felt something that rooted him to his place. “Jean, your bride called.” Snapping two fingers in front of his face, he finally could regain himself, and a small nervous chuckle slipped from his lips when he realised that he was daydreaming before.
“Yeah, yeah. My bride, yes.” He cleared his throat, averting your gaze completely since somehow he could not take a look at you. When you saw this, you raised one of your eyebrows, wondering why he stayed here when his bride already called him to prepare himself and wear the wedding suit.
“Don’t tell me you had wedding jitters, Jean.”
“H-Huh? Why would I? Mikasa is perfect, and—”
“And you were always meant to be with her, I know.” You chuckled a little, though it didn’t sound as sincere as usual, but he shrugged it off. “You always told me about it, that you have met her before, perhaps in your previous life, right?” He nodded at that, letting out a long sigh as he swept his hair to the back. “So what’s on your mind? Why are you still standing here with me? You are so close to marrying her again, Jean.”
“I promise, I promise I will find you one day.”
A flicker of memory appeared out of nowhere, something that usually happened only when his fiancée was around. But these days as you helped him plan his wedding day and became his wedding organiser, another part of an unknown memory appeared in his mind, little by little without any concrete context.
And it stressed him out more than anything, because he was afraid that he took a wrong path, or not knowing something that he should have remembered.
“I-I just feel like I have a promise to someone else, I guess.” He swallowed a huge lump, averting his gaze to the side, making him miss the way your eyes watered slightly. “And that someone else, that someone else is you! But I can’t remember what it was, I don’t know—”
“Jean.” You stopped him, resting your palm on his chest as you didn’t want to hear anything else from him. His copper eyes went back towards your face with pupils dilated slightly, wanting to calm himself down. “You don’t have to think about it.” But he didn’t need to try, not with you gazing at him with such tenderness and care that gave him contentment already.
Panting a little, he bit his upper lip since he was still stressed. He really wanted to know what it was, the promise that he made with you and why he said such a thing. There were no other sentences, he could only hear himself saying that to you in his past life, but he didn’t know the reason behind it, making him so anxious.
Though now, you were standing tall before him with a look that he couldn’t quite fathom despite how comforting it was to him. “You know I never remember anything from my past, Jean. Perhaps you promised something because we are friends, whatever it was though, it doesn’t matter.” He didn’t know anymore if you were trying to reassure him or yourself, but he listened to your words and took it all in. “It was nothing, okay? What matters is here, now. In this life where you love her again.”
His fingers gently wrapped around your wrist, subconsciously caressing it as he processed your words. He was a little bit of a hypocrite when he realised that. No matter how many times he didn’t want to get so hung up over the same woman that he loved in his past life, he ended up to be a hopeless romantic, thinking how beautiful it was to recreate something that happened once.
“Yeah, you are right.” He chuckled to let out the awkwardness that he felt before ruffling your hair a little. “You are always right. I am glad you are here in my life.”
Your smile only widened at that, and you couldn’t help but lean in and pressed a platonic kiss on his cheek. You didn’t realise how his body went frozen in place for a moment there, but as you pulled away, he already fixed himself and just gave you a cheeky smile, as if to tease him.
“Now go, go dress yourself to the nines.” You patted his chest one more time before pushing him forward. “Go! You are going to be the happiest man alive!” And he ambled away. Even though a bit unsteady, he kept on going, now with a more stable emotion.
For sure, there was nothing else that he should be worried about. You were here, you would always be here for him, the best friend that never left his side, just like Connie, Marco and Sasha. And he knew you were always right. Anything that happened in his past life didn’t matter.
What mattered was what happened here, now, and that was for him to be the husband of someone he had been in love with for the past few years.
You could only watch his back as he ran to a secured future that he always dreamed of. Standing there alone, you waited until he was gone from your sight, wanting to be there in case he would look back and needing some assurance.
But the second he was gone inside the building, you immediately darted towards the nearest bathroom.
There were a lot of things that happened in your mind right now; you wanted to throw up from the nausea that you felt, you wanted to cry from the lie you had committed to ever since you met him, you wanted to just move to another state and forget that you had a life here.
Although you knew it was not possible, not when your days had been filled with his existence, and even though you would always be the best friend in whatever life you had — you knew you could never erase himself completely.
Locking the bathroom’s door, you immediately collapsed on the seat that was placed in the middle of the room, wanting to calm down as you finally felt your heart break into a million little pieces. After years swallowing down the truth, after years you hid what you knew, the dam broke freely with no one there to fix it.
“Shit! Don’t leave me, please don’t leave me too.” You couldn’t feel anything as your body felt so numb, eyes looking up to the skies that were so clear you couldn’t see any clouds on it. “Hey, hey, look at me.” But then someone tilted your head so you could face him, and you were met with the familiar copper orbs that you always loved to stare at.
It was Jean, your best friend ever since the two of you were in the Cadet Corps. You despised his cocky attitude at first, not liking how he was so hostile toward others. Yet as time went by and you started to get to know him better, he was actually a lot more human than any other person you ever met.
You could feel his finger tucking the strands of hair behind your ear, as if wanting to see you more clearly. At first you were so lost, you didn’t know what happened right now and you wanted nothing but to ask him. But as you felt the excruciating pain at your abdomen, everything replayed at the back of your head.
One of the titan ancestors bit you, hard, and you were pretty sure you would have fallen by now, perhaps crushed underneath the colossal titans who’s currently splat everything in their way. Instead, you were here now in the arms of the man that you loved so much, and you parted your lips, wanting to tell him the words that you wanted to say.
You wanted to do it all. You wanted to scream at him that you have always been in love with him, you wanted to pull his collars and smash your lips with his, you wanted to stay alive and see the world with him and the others.
“Y-Yes.”
But from all the things that you wanted to do, you could only utter that one word, and you hoped he understood the meaning behind it. However, from how his irises widened after that, you were certain that he knew. Tears welled up in his eyes, and for once he didn’t care if he could be killed during this time for wanting to stay by your side at the last minute of your life.
“Listen to me, don’t say anything, just listen to me.” He swallowed a huge lump and held your hand, squeezing it tight since he wanted you to feel that you were not alone. “I am going to find you, in another life, I will. We are going to meet up, fall in love, get married to each other, have kids if you want that, anything you want! Anything, anything you want me to.”
Jean said it all in one take of breath, afraid that you were already gone by now. “I promise, I promise I will find you one day.” And his lips shaped into a thin smile as he saw your peaceful face. “We will be happy by then.” Whispering one last time before hurriedly pressing his lips on yours, giving you the warmth that you always wanted to taste.
You clapped your hands as you stood up from your seat, wearing the best smile that you could offer as you watched him leaning down to kiss her, to kiss the same woman that was fated to be loved by someone as wonderful as him.
Truthfully, you felt like a masochist for wanting to be here. There were a lot of good wedding organisers out there, but he decided to call you, using the same sentence that he chose you because he knew you would never disappoint — that you were the one who knew him best.
He looked so majestic with the white wedding suit wrapped perfectly to compliment his tall figure. You didn’t count how many times you wanted to break down seeing him in white like this, not when you already promised to yourself that you were going to do anything to make him the happiest man alive.
The smile that now radiated from his face, the tears that pricked at the corner of his eyes as he looked at the guest, it was enough sign that you did the right thing.
Even in this life, you knew that he was meant to be with her. When you received tons of miss calls from him a few months after the two of you had become close friends and told you everything about this perfect woman, you already surrendered your own happiness for his.
He sounded so excited that day, gushing at you about this one ravenette he met at the cafe. Someone with the most beautiful hair that he always saw, someone that you knew her name was even without him telling you first.
You listened to him, every single day, about how he wanted to be with her. He told you when he accidentally touched her hand; he felt a spark that felt so nostalgic, and he saw how he was kissing her in perhaps his past life. And when you received such information, when you connected the dots about the things that happened after you die, you immediately set that one goal in your life.
That, whatever happened, he had to get her. She always ended up being the one he loved the most, and there was nothing you could do to change that. Jean never gave any sign that he recognised you either, so you knew there was no point for you to ask him about the promise that he made.
In this life where there were no cruel monsters, you thought perhaps you would find love in the form of him. But it was not possible, not when she was his true love, and you had to accept the fact that you would always just become the woman who knew him best — nothing else but that.
And even though you had to endure the same pain that you felt in your previous life, watching the man that you gave your whole heart to be head over heels with someone else, you regretted nothing.
Because you were sure that you and your heart would make it through, just like you always did from the start.
↪content; warrior!reader, aged-up character, graphic description of violence, slow burn, season 4 spoiler
“T-Thank you, sir!”
He stuttered out and bowed a little to the soldier who gave him five loaves of bread. Though the older man did not acknowledge his gratitude at all, instead he just sneered at him, making him flinch since he was reminded of the fact that this island filled with demons.
His long feet stride out from the line, wanting to get back to where his friends waited. Today it was his duty to get the food for his companions, and it needed all of his courage to utter how many people in his family were left when the soldier asked him.
Four, it was the right answer that he was supposed to say. But he couldn’t help but stutter five instead. It had only been a few weeks after they breached the outer wall, Maria, and yet he still couldn’t believe that it was only the four of them now.
Each of them was grieving. Annie would now scowl a lot and buried her face in her hands, not wanting anyone to see the vulnerable look on her face. Reiner was different, he tried to act tough despite the nightmares that often accompanied him in his sleep. While him? He hid his sadness and pain deep inside his heart because he knew that someone suffered more.
You, you didn’t talk at all for days as if you were just their shadows. Annie made sure that you were not hurt when he and Reiner crushed the gate. And even though you were not uttering any words, you could do your task ideally without a hitch, and that was to sneak inside with battered clothes, acting like a child who lost everything.
But maybe you were indeed lost everything, that was what he thought when he saw you just staring into spaces without any expression on your face. The bubbly and warm person that he met back then in Marley was nowhere to be found at this point and he hoped that someday he could meet her again.
When his pale green eyes fell to the familiar strands of your hair, he started to run, wanting to give you the bread for today since the sun was up for hours yet no one ate anything just yet. The shelter where all of them were hiding was an abandoned barn just outside the main city, no one knew who the owner of it was, but when Reiner found it empty, they decided to use it as a temporary house.
They just needed to survive for a few years and they could enroll in the military after that. But now they had to make a plan about what they should do in the meantime. Now they were just four orphans who lost everything from wall Maria. A few days ago a soldier gave them a form to fill out, consisting of some questions about names, birth, and the residence they used to live in before.
And that was the first time he heard your voice after weeks wallowing yourself in silence. When Marcel was alive, he told you that you needed to change your last name. Just for a disguise, it was the safest option because who would have expected if someone knew the weight of your name.
“No.” You whispered out, one hand scribbling down the paper to write your name. “I am not going to lose my identity. No.” There was a lingering pain in your voice that everyone could notice. “I will do anything, Reiner, but not this. This is my last name and I will lose it if someone takes it away from me.”
The blonde frowned when he heard your rebellion, you seemed fine when Marcel asked you to do that back then, but now you changed your mind and he wished he knew the words that could sway you. You continued to write down your information without stopping while the boys stared at you with wonder.
Annie knew that you couldn’t be forced to do something that you wouldn’t do, so she just shrugged it off and focused on her paper, not wanting to spend her time filling forms if she could do it fast. She really thought Reiner would drop it after hearing your statement, but sometimes he just didn’t know when to stop.
“Hey, but Marcel would tell you to do the same.”
Bertolt could imagine his friend getting beaten up again at this point. But this time not from Annie, instead, he would get it from you who was now gripping so tight on the pencil that he was afraid you would stab the armoured titan inheritor on the neck with it.
“That’s the thing, Braun.” You gritted your teeth, avoiding yourself for kicking him on the face. And when the poor boy heard you called him by his last name, he knew that he was done for good. “Marcel is not here anymore, and you are not Marcel.”
Bertolt made a note on his head that he would never want to get on your bad side. He felt a shiver down his spine at that time when you completely disregarded Reiner, and those words were not even for him. He couldn’t imagine what his friend felt, must be hell for sure.
“Hey, I-I got the food for us today.” Stopping on his track right in front of you. You were currently cleaning up the dust on the window, he recalled you said that you despised dirty windowpane last night, and he raised his eyebrow since he wondered how you got some clothes to clean it up with.
“Thank you, Bertolt.” You gave him a soft smile, and from just that gesture he could feel his cheek burning from — goodness, he didn’t even know what he was feeling right now. “Oh? You got five? How?” He was still in a trance when you threw the question, making him baffled for a second there.
“I said that there were five members in my family.” He averted his eyes, ashamed to confess that to you. That and the fact he would see the sadness inside your eyes if he did so.“I didn’t mean to, really, b-but I only realised it after the soldier gave the portion to me.”
“Oh, Bertolt.” You let out a long sigh and grabbed two pieces of bread from his hand. “You know you could correct yourself after that, right?” He knew that you were scolding him, but with how soft your voice was, he just accepted it, not even once trying to correct himself. “I will give it back to the soldier, okay? You go inside, Reiner and Annie are waiting for you.”
“But shouldn’t you eat first?” He was concerned for sure, and despite knowing the fact that you could handle this harsh world by yourself, he was not sure if it was the right choice to let you go alone. “I can drop this off to them and I can accompany you, right?”
You chuckled at this, and his pupils widened at that since it was the first time you expressed some kind of joyful gesture since Marcel’s incident. Your eyes closed as you chuckled at him, he didn’t know what he did to make you like this but his brain short-circuited to even think about it. He just stood there with mouth agape, enjoying the pure, melodious giggle that slipped from your mouth.
“Bertolt,” And how much he loved his name rolled down your tongue was uncanny. “It’s okay, I will eat mine on the way. And I can handle myself, I am going to be back before you know it! You don’t have to be concerned about me.” You gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder, and his body went rigid at that. “See you later, tell the others where I am going, okay?”
He was too frozen in the spot even when you already strolled down the street with the loaves of bread in your hand. There was no time for him to answer you, and he felt like all the words were stuck in his throat. You just touched him, that was the only thing that he could process right now.
Yes, it was nothing special since you always held Pieck’s hand back then or gave a pat to the other warrior candidates (especially Porco, for as long as he remembered even though the boy seemed to dislike your presence and unfazed by it), but to him, feeling your touch like that was everything.
It gave him some kind of boost, maybe it was the warm tingle that he felt whenever you were around or the fact that your existence just screamed comfort — he didn’t know exactly what caused him to treasure your touch. What he knew for sure that in the end, he enjoyed your company.
“Oi, Bertolt! Why are you standing there like a statue?!”
“S-Sorry, Reiner—”
〄
The wind caressed your hair as you wandered down the street, turning left and right to the alleyway that would lead you to the plaza. This place had been your home for a few weeks now, and you started to enjoy living here, greeting some people here and there despite how many times Reiner told you not to.
They would ask, of course, where you were from. And you always answered it without hesitation, without a pause, as if the one who talked was an entirely different person with how you always lost all the light in your face when you gave them your answer. They would sympathize, and you took their pity and kept acting it out.
You had a different approach in this mission compared to the other warrior. While they decided to keep a low profile, you were going all out and showed yourself as a victim from the fall of wall Maria. Lots of benefits coming your way with how some adults asked you to move in with them or offering you a job so you could fend for yourself.
Their offers were always so sweet, but you didn’t want to leave your friends inside a cold barn with nothing to lay on except the pile of hay. You always ended up cuddling with Annie, not caring that she wanted to kick you on the face at first for not giving her enough space, she ended up liking to sleep in your embrace days after that, so for you, it was all worth it.
Maybe though, their offer about working for them could help you. There were some of them and you sure at least one of the jobs had good earnings. You could buy food for your friends if that was the case, all of you didn’t have to rely on free food anymore. And so, you decided that you would go to the adult near the plaza after this, asking if the offer was still up.
“I am sorry! It was already late and there was only one bread left for us!”
Your ears caught the distressed tone that came from the alleyway near you. The plaza was empty now since it seemed like the ration already finished for the day. To know that a lot of people couldn’t even have one bread to eat made your stomach churned with guilt and anger for yourself.
“It’s alright, Armin. We can share it.”
“Yeah, it’s not like I eat a lot anyway.”
There were three of them, three children that looked like they were the same age as you, and they only got one piece of bread for the whole day. Knowing that the soldier was not there anymore and the commotion already dispersed, you decided to give the bread to them instead.
Your tiny feet waddled toward them, they were currently deep in thought about how to divide the food fairly. And you were thankful that you haven’t eaten your fair of bread, so now each of the kids could have one.
“Excuse me,” You interrupted their discussion, three pairs of eyes immediately turned to face you. Two of them looked at you with confusion while the other one had her eyes filled with caution. “I am sorry, I heard about your problem before, and I have two extra pieces of bread that you guys could take.”
The two boys, one with blonde hair and the other with short dark brown hair — looked at each other without saying anything. It was like they had this kind of bond, talking through their minds before giving each other a nod. Maybe they were debating if it was alright to accept your hospitality or not.
“It’s fine, but is this bread really alright for us to take?” The boy with the ocean blue eyes spoke up, taking one step forward to your figure. “What about you then, have you eaten yet today?”
“Yes, it’s fine. If not, I am not going to offer it in the first place.” You gave him a gentle smile before answering his next question a little bit too quickly to your liking. “Don’t worry about me! I already got breakfast before and ate mine. You don’t have to think—”
“You are lying.” The girl that had been silent the whole time suddenly cut your sentence. “Don’t tell me I am wrong because I am sure that I am right.” She didn’t sugarcoat her words at all, and you couldn’t understand anymore if her words mean good or bad. Because surely her onyx orbs looked at you as if you were a threat.
You closed your eyes and exhaled loudly, knowing that you couldn’t lie anymore with how sharp the three of them were. But this fact wouldn’t stop you from wanting them to take your fair.
“Well, yes, I haven’t eaten.” Surrendering yourself to honesty, you continued. “But I am going to be fine, an adult in this shop near the plaza offered me a job and food, so I could get it from them after this.” You explained truthfully, handing them the bread thereafter.
“Then how come you had extra bread in the first place?” The short-haired boy now squinting his eyes, wanting to understand your hidden motive in case there were any. “You had one for yourself too despite knowing that you could get food from this adult you told us about. So why should we trust you?”
“Eren!”
Ah, so the boy’s name is Eren. You thought, couldn’t believe that someone would even doubt the others for giving free food. But then again, you couldn’t blame them for being extra cautious. No one knew what could happen inside these walls. The worst-case scenario from this was that you poisoned them to get rid of another life to prevent any more hunger.
“You don’t have to trust me, of course.” You answered him with a soft and calm tone, something that you learned from your house back in Marley. That even when someone raised their voice at you, you needed to handle them with care. “My friend was the one who got the food from me, and he didn’t check that he got extra food, so I am here with the first mission to give it back to the garrison soldier.”
You gave them the answer that they want, both hands still pushed forward, waiting for them to take it. “Promise I wouldn’t disturb you anymore, I just want to make sure you guys get enough food. That’s all.”
There was a long silence engulfing the four of you. That was until the blonde took the bread out of your hand and gave you a smile of gratitude, which you answered with the same gesture as him. The other two were now looking at you with a softened gaze, finally stripping away their caution towards you.
“I am sorry that I sounded rude before.” The brunette started, giving you a cheeky smile as his ears tinted with a pinkish hue. “I just need to be careful around strangers, everything just messed up at this time, you know?” He chuckled bitterly, his eyes darkening as if a terrible memory fleeting through his mind for a second.
“It’s fine. I know where that thought is coming from.” You kicked the pebbles near your foot before, making it bounce to the wall as you looked down. “Everything is just a nightmare after the breach.” And you tried so hard not to break down, not in front of anyone, especially those who were the victim of your action. “All of you — didn’t deserve any of it.”
Your voice that was so warm and comforting before now turned into a completely different tone. There was sadness, at least that was what they could hear from you. They couldn’t see the expression in your eyes since you persisted in looking down at your feet, avoiding their gaze at all cost.
“And you didn’t deserve it too.”
The blonde, that if you recalled from before was called Armin, telling you words that you thought you wouldn’t need to hear. “No one wanted this to happen, no one deserved to live like this.” He continued, and you were ready to crumble even more. “But this is our life, for now, so we can’t do anything else but move on.”
You wanted to get down on your knees, hugging his legs as you begged for forgiveness. Just like what you saw in some of the memories from your ancestors, there were just normal human beings inside these walls. Just like in Marley, just like on the other continent, there were good and bad people, and nothing differentiated them except the fact that they had a titan’s blood flowing inside their veins.
Nothing else but that — and the dangerous truth that lies within the walls.
“It’s called rumbling, right?”
Just one month from now, you were going to inherit the war hammer titan, and you have been studying a lot, reading the journal that your ancestor wrote. The book was so helpful, preparing you to know the truth that this world had to hide. Sometimes your twelve years old brain could not even understand it.
The past few years you had been training hard privately. You got the best instructor, honing your mental and physical build at the same time. But since you reached the age of ten, your father introduced you to Commander Magath who was in charge of the Warrior Unit, the unit for those titan inheritors.
And you trained with them ever since then. Creating a bond and friendship to those who would fight alongside you in the upcoming battle. The majority of them were easy to talk with like Marcel, Pieck, Zeke, Reiner, and Bertolt. While the rest — not so much.
Annie was fine though, she still talked to you here and there and taught you about some certain techniques of hand-to-hand combat that you deemed remarkably useful. Porco on the other hand, you wanted to grimace at the interaction that you had with him. Yet despite all that, you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling for just thinking about him.
But this moment was not the right time to reminisce about the warrior training, not when a few months from now, you would embark on a mission to reclaim the founding titan.
“Yes, when the founding titan decided to unharden the walls and released millions of colossal titan, it was called rumbling.” Your father sat across from where you were, filling out papers from the military about you. “If that happened, the whole world would turn into nothing.”
You gave a nod of acknowledgement, fingers tracing the ink that seeped on the worn-out paper journal.
“So it was risky to let the founding titan stay in Paradis since no one knew if someday they would activate the rumbling or not.” You stated the sentence as a matter of factly, absorbing the information that sometimes made your head pound. “It was risky since they closed themselves inside those walls and no one knew what happened there.”
“Yes, my dear.” His voice cracked like any other time, having so much burden for throwing you to the frontline of the battle like that. You, his little star, his precious daughter that he never wanted to turn her into a war machine that could only live for thirteen years. “That is why you need to prevent it from happening.”
But it was something that needed to be done — and there was nothing that you could do except embracing the cruel truth like an old friend.
“Yes, you are right.” Fixing your composure, you were back to the kind girl from before. “Thank you for telling me that, I think I need it.” You chuckled softly, fingers tucking the strands of your hair behind the ear. “I-I will go now, then. Hope all of you survive and continue on living!”
Bowing yourself a little before departing (a trait that you couldn’t shake off that easily), you waved at them and turned your heels, walking away from the three children that you really hoped would have a beautiful life ahead, for as long as they could have.
“Wait!” But you halted your feet to move forward when you heard Eren’s voice calling out for you.
“Yes? What is it?” You were still not that far from them, so you decided to use your normal volume as if they were still right in front of you.
“We haven’t got your name!” Yet despite how calm you were, the boy seemed to choose to shout at you anyway. “I am Eren! This is Armin and Mikasa, they are everything that I had left! Now, what’s yours?!”
Hearing how excited he was made you giggle, such a complete opposite for real compared to him a few minutes ago when he looked at you with caution. Now he became the child he was supposed to be, with a wide grin on his face as he just wanted to know the name of his probably new friend.
And so you indulged him with it, answering his question with a clear and solid tone.
“It’s (Y/n)!” You decided to shout back, equaling his enthusiasm. “(Y/n), (Y/n) Tybur!”
↪content; canon universe, description of violence, season 4 spoiler, forbidden love, marleyan!reader, scouts!jean, chapter 139 spoiler
You stopped whatever you were doing in an instant, both hands freezing midair as a flock of birds suddenly landed beside you. That was strange, you never saw this type of bird flying around your house before. Those birds had silky white feathers and beady black eyes, some had their gaze fixated on you.
But then again, perhaps you shouldn’t have been surprised that you never saw them before.
It was not like you have been living here for years, no. For the last three years, you were here as a new citizen in a world where the fear of titans finally gone. Everything was at peace for years as this newborn country strengthened its military — under the command of the Queen.
Yes, the Queen, Historia Reiss. Never once you ever thought you would be living here of all places in the world, tending flower beds and watering plants. A Marleyan like you, the mortal enemy of those Eldians somehow slipped inside the society and even lived inside the innermost part of the country.
You lived in prime real estate located in the countryside; a medium-sized house with huge land, different compared to those gigantic and majestic buildings in the downtown area. The atmosphere was unique and you preferred this kind of house instead of the luxurious, blinding one. For you, this is home, and you couldn’t wait to share it with your lover.
“(Y/n)! Don’t stay too long in the garden!”
A familiar shout rang through the open area, making you turn your head to face them. She stood there with her comfortable white dress, maroon-coloured apron draped in front of her figure to make sure that any specks of dirt didn’t smear her dress while her brown hair sticking out from her tight ponytail.
“I will be there in a few minutes, Ma!”
You shouted back at the top of your lungs, knowing full well that her hearing was not as sharp as yours. She just shook her head in amusement at your answer since she could predict already that your few minutes could turn to an hour or even more. Just a habit of yours, though she wouldn’t force you to stop since it took your mind off things.
Just as she did by cooking some omelette and comfort foods as she too — waiting for someone to come back.
She had a separate house near the Queen’s residence, assigned there by her majesty herself. But ever since you knocked on her front door and introduced yourself to her, she decided that it would be better if she lived with you for a while, at least until her son came back. Until your love came back to your arms once again.
There were letters after letters being shared despite how out of reach he was from you. You lived every day in hope that his mission to make peace with the outside world resulted in success. Lots of prayers have been sung to whatever deity existed in this world, never once stopped for every day you woke up.
And today was just like any other day as you waited for him by occupying yourself with daily chores and a new hobby. You used to wake up to strategize the next move and train in the military, being a normal citizen was still a little bit bizarre for you.
Though you already told the Queen that if in case she needed assistance regarding the air force, you would be ready to be called.
Yet three years had passed ever since your arrival, and never once she called you to the military. You had a gut feeling that your lover might have something to do with it, so you could only hope he didn’t try to pull any strings behind your back and become the reason why you were never once interrupted.
Well, it was not like you didn’t want this. When you finally wake up without fear, without being afraid that you had to see another bloodshed, without being afraid to love whoever you wanted to love. This was the world that you have been dreaming of, so maybe, it’s fine to just enjoy it as long as you can.
Your fingers used to be covered with blood, now only covered with dirt and soil. Sometimes you couldn’t believe it yourself as you were afraid to go to sleep, not wanting to wake up and realise all of this was just a dream.
But it was not a dream.
It was all real — ever since that day.
Your whole body felt so numb as you stared into the distance, back leaning to the old building behind you, not understanding what actually unfurled in front of your eyes right now.
Everything was still replayed so vividly in your mind. His ash-brown strands dishevelled from the war he had been partaking of, chocolate orbs that filled with love and regret as he took another look at you, his voice — oh his deep, comforting voice that sung like a lullaby every time he spoke.
And then bright yellow light blinded your vision.
The impact of the explosion threw you off, back arching as your body hit a concrete wall. Your vision blurred, your head pounding from the impact. But you could still see the gigantic feet right in front of you — gigantic feet that belong to a titan, replacing where your lover once stood.
You saw it, the long, familiar strands of hair that you loved to caress, those eyes that now turned into the darkest shade of brown stared at you with an emotion that you couldn’t fathom. Then he jerked his head to the other side, jumping off the cliff with the other titans like a puppet whose strings were pulled.
There goes your love, that is what you already believe. Everyone knew about how once someone turned into a mindless titan, there was no way for them to change back as a human except if they ate the nine titan inheritor. And you didn’t put any hope over that, just slumping your body and surrendering yourself to the situation.
You didn’t know since when you drifted off somewhere as black filled your vision. But in your mind, you see him standing in front of you as he reaches out his hand for you to take. In your dream, you saw him playing around the backyard with a little kid that looked so familiar with him. In perhaps a distant future, you welcomed him home after a day full of hard work.
Then you opened up your eyes, disappointed as it was the same as what you saw before. The blistering heat attacked whoever was unfortunate enough to be outside right now, dealing with the monstrous creature as the fate of the world was in their hands.
But it was silent now, the roar of those mindless titans, booming footsteps that rumbling the ground, two enormous titans who fought each other before — it all stopped and gone as the only thing that welcomed you was a quiet, somewhat peaceful atmosphere.
With your legs still wobbling from the impact before, you looked around as you wondered what happened now. Finding no one in sight, not even from the Marleyan Military made you raise your eyebrows in confusion. Was it all done? The war between Eren Yeager and the alliance of Paradis and Marley? What happened now and where are they?
There were so many questions popping in your head as you forced yourself to check out the land near Fort Salta, finding some of your troops pointing all of their guns to the Eldians that somehow — turned back into a human.
That was the only thing you needed before you ran to where they were, ignoring the pain that surged your body for every movement that you made. You were fine, this couldn’t stop you from knowing the truth, this would never stop you from reaching out to the Eldian, to someone that introduced you to what it felt like to love someone.
Surely the Marleyan was just bluffing, you knew that all of the guns were already shot towards the sky before. But there was a possibility that they had another, and you couldn’t bear to see another bloodshed, not when you felt like there was no need to continue this war if the main enemy was already gone.
“If we did still have the power of the titans, wouldn’t we be using it to resist you?” Ah, was it true? That titan power was already gone for good from this world? “But the fact that we continue to be powerless even as you point your guns at us is the greatest possible proof of our humanity.”
He made sense, even as you stopped a few steps behind the Marleyan Military, you could hear the sincerity from his words. Yet somehow, your race still couldn’t accept the fact, not daring to lower their gun just yet. You couldn’t really blame them for doing so, knowing how much terror that they have seen just for the last couple of hours.
So you stood forward, dragging your feet as you ignored the surprised gasp from your troops.
“Everyone, drop your guns to the ground.” You still couldn’t hear any movement as you said so, and you clicked your tongue over that. “Now!”
Then one by one, you heard how the metal weapon fell to the ground like a symbol of peace. There were around twenty troops behind you, the survivors of the explosion before, the only people who lived from Marleyan Military after such a horrendous event. And they obeyed your command, believing in you that you would make the right choice.
You turned to look at your troops, giving them a reassuring gaze one by one that from now on, everything would be alright. Some of them were crying, some of them fell to the ground as they screamed out, out of frustration or relief for being alive, you couldn’t differentiate it anymore, maybe a bit of both.
Your job was done, for now, so you had to know what happened. You needed to know who was the man who stood in front of you now as his ocean blue eyes gazing at you with respect and gratitude. He gave you a firm nod, and you followed after as you straightened your posture.
“Then, who are you?”
“I am Armin Arlert, an Eldian from the island of Paradis. The man who killed Eren Yeager, the attack titan.”
The way he said it was absolute. Certainty was there and somehow you wanted to just let your sore body fall to the ground as relief started to fill your heart. But not yet, you had to be the commander of the air force unit, probably the only higher-ups left in the military here.
“Greetings then, Armin Arlert.” You started, giving him a Marleyan salute as he answered it by balling his right hand into a fist, resting it right in front of his heart after that. “I am the commander of the air force unit of Marleyan Military, my troops and I would do anything we could do to assist everyone here.”
For the next few hours, everyone who was healthy enough was assigned to take care of those who had injuries or any other casualties. You as the commander, trying to call and inform the military base in the capital. Solace flooded over you once again when you received the news that more than a half part of Marley was still intact.
You immediately called for backup, informing them to tell the whole world what happened in Fort Salta. This needed to be distributed now, that they didn’t have to worry anymore, that the world was finally free from titans. You told them all the little details about those who fought in the battle, you told them that it was thanks to the Eldians themselves that the rumbling stopped.
“It’s…” You trailed off as the chief on the other line asked you the name of the war that shook the world just now. “It’s the battle of heaven and earth.”
Today marked the three years of the world’s victory against titans. Eldians finally freed from the curse and lived a normal life like humanity in the rest of the world. Though, of course, doubt and fear still lingered in the heart of the people. That was why those soldiers who directly fought with the attack titan became the ambassador of peace, travelling around the world to tell their stories.
They were the ones who lived, the heroes who chose to fight humanity who always treated their race like an insect. They were those who chose humanity over their own life, the ones who cast their feelings aside and killed their best friend because that was the right thing to do.
And your lover was one of them, he was an Eldian, a soldier who was ready to sacrifice his life in war.
Jean Kirstein, the man that you met in a bar back then in Marley, the only person who could make you feel so bare as he painted you with affection.
The person who you would wait a thousand years if you had to, so long so you could be together.
You subconsciously touched your left fingers, tracing your coarse skin as you absentmindedly remembered the reunion that you had with him. Not the one where he shouted at you to stay back, not the one where it filled with painful tears as you saw him transformed into a titan in front of your eyes.
But it was the one that made you feel so full. After calling the capital and making sure the Eldian would be treated fairly, you finally could take a breather and sit just outside the tower in Fort Salta. The sun slowly turned into an orange hue that time, your body was all aching as the adrenaline from before started to wear off.
You didn’t turn your face away from the horizon as you felt someone sat beside you on the ground, not saying anything for the next couple of minutes as you and the mysterious figure just basked yourself on the peaceful atmosphere, something that was never there with how war and violence always filled the ground.
The orange hue slowly reddened as the sun hid behind the mountain, letting the moon take over with thousands of stars adorned the night sky.
There were no words being spoken as two bodies decided to scoot closer to each other as if there were strings that bound them together. You dropped your head on his shoulder, letting out a long sigh as the realisation finally sank in.
“I am back, (Y/n).” His voice was still filled with disbelief. “Just like what I promised you.” But it sounds the same as how it used to, lingering with something that you knew as love.
You lifted your head a little, wanting to take a look at him and scrutinizing his face. He was here, Jean Kirstein in a flesh. He was not a titan anymore, he was just an Eldian from the island of Paradis, a normal human, just like you.
There was a dingling sound as he fetched something from his pocket, your eyes never left his as you felt a warm metal slipped on your palm. He closed your hand after that, wanting you to know that he was real, that he finally could give back the silver key that he brought with him ever since in Marley.
You felt like you wanted to burst at the moment. You wanted to cry, screaming at him for fighting the attack titan despite being a mere soldier who didn’t even inherit the nine titans, you wanted to ask how he felt right now and what actually happened, there was so much that you wanted to say, so many words that you wanted to tell him.
But there would be a time for that, you were certain that you would have a lot of time after all of these were done.
So you just curled your lips into a smile, orbs glistening with tears as it shone with adoration, palm gripping the key a little tighter with his hand on top of yours.
“Welcome back, Jean.”
You patted the excess of the dirt in your hand on your black apron, finally done repotting some of the plants. When your eyes fleeted to the side, you tilted your head in confusion as the bird from before was still there, so loyal as it accompanied you for the last hour.
This one was different compared to the others. The birds that you saw before only had one solid colour, but this one that stayed with you had brown feathers on some of their features.
The bird just looked at you with wonder, tilting their head to the side as they jumped from the flower bed and landed beside you. Your lips immediately shaped into a smile, wondering why the bird decided to stay with you when the others left already.
“Hey, what are you doing here?”
You cooed at the bird, careful not to move your body too abruptly, afraid that they would fly again. Of course, you didn’t expect them to chirp, but maybe you could talk to them a little. And you could write it down in the letter that you sent for Jean later on.
“I don’t know why you are here, but don’t you think you should go back though?”
Those beady black orbs fell upon your face as if they understood your words. “You must have a family, right? Perhaps maybe a lover?” So you decided to keep on talking, throwing some random questions, conversing with them like an old friend. “Bet your lover is so beautiful like you, and they must be waiting for you, you know?”
“Like you wait for me?”
Silence. On the first second, the bird was in front of you. But now, they flapped their wings and flew, leaving you there with both pupils widened as a familiar voice rang through your ear. You didn’t understand why they suddenly left, but maybe, maybe it was because of the fact that you were not alone anymore.
That maybe because they knew your lover came back.
And so they would do the same and flew to where their lover was.
“Jean?”
No, he was not supposed to be here. From the letters that you got last week, he was supposed to be in Marley right now with the others. He told you that through the words that he scribbled down on the old paper, and you remembered how he would come back next month.
But of course, your eyes wouldn’t deceive you, of course, your ear could never catch the exact voice that belonged to him if he was not really here.
He stood around five feet apart from you with a cheeky smile that made you want to just slap it away from his beautiful face. His ash-brown locks slightly got longer, looking neat despite the wind that swayed some strands of his hair, and you wondered how many times he combed his hair to make it look like that.
Though you didn’t care about it, you didn’t care about how he was here right now when you were certain he should have been somewhere else. You didn’t care that you stumbled on some of the gardening tools as you ran towards him. You didn’t care if your apron could leave some dirt on his expensive suit.
What you cared right now as your feet brought you closer to him — was to feel his embrace once more.
You jumped right into his arms, chin resting on his shoulder as you wrapped your arms around his neck, not wanting to let go. Right now, you just wanted to shout and announce to the world that you wanted him for yourself, at least for just a few minutes, at least for a moment.
Everyone could call you selfish at this point you didn’t care anymore. For all your life you never wanted anything but a world without fear. And now as you achieved it, the only matter that could complete it was to spend it all with the one that somehow had half of your heart anywhere he goes.
You have waited for him for far too long. You always waited for him afraid that he wouldn’t come back to your apartment, you always waited for him with distress lingering at the back of your mind that he was not alive anymore when he was there on the other side of the sea.
But now as you felt the warmth within his touch, now as you felt his smile as his lips planted on the side of your face, you finally knew how it feels to live in a world without fear since from now on, you were free to love him.
He was too — free to love you as his real self, an Eldian, a war hero, Jean Kirstein from the island of Paradis.
“I am home.”
And as the two bodies basked in the warmth of a loved one, hand intertwined that clashed a silver metal band next to each other, they both knew that from now on — they were going to wake up every single morning and live their dream.
In a world where there was no fear, spending it in prime real estate with a significant other.
Earning the right to live a happy life for hopefully, a long time.
↪content; warrior!reader, aged-up character, graphic description of violence, slow burn, season 4 spoiler
Tiny footsteps belonging to you echoed throughout the empty hallway. Your forehead scrunched as a bead of sweat trailed down your skin, but you dismissed the discomfort as you needed to find your father, wanting some explanation.
It was around four in the afternoon, and you were certain that your father must be occupying himself inside his study, probably enjoying his coffee as he read some reports regarding the military advance. You always wondered why he got all of that information even though he was not even in the military, but perhaps the book in your hand was the answer to your question, and you had to find out more.
You were used to running around this part of the mansion — since you would spend some of your time here with your father when he didn’t invite the military higher-ups or some of his business partners for a meeting together. Truthfully, you could have waited for later after dinner to confront him, but your mind was already fueled with curiosity that wouldn’t die without being given the right extinguisher.
So you scurry out within an instant, far from the east wing where the library was located to the west where your father would entertain his friends and colleagues. In your small journey, you took off your mules and ran barefoot, ignoring the gasp from the maid that you passed in the hallway.
Panting, you felt the exhaustion course through your body as you finally reached your destination. Some eyes regarded you with worry beneath their intimidating gaze, but they knew that you had been running out of breath before, certain that it was nothing serious.
Two guards were standing tall on each side of the door, guarding your father’s study against the outside, and you were certain there were another two on the other side of the door. They didn’t give you any attention or warning, so you knew that he was not in some kind of meeting or too engrossed with work.
Sucking a deep breath, you hide the book that you found behind your back before raising your hand to the wooden door, knocking it with your knuckles several times, soft yet enough that it would echo inside the room. You heard the rustling of papers, probably from some of the military letters that he read.
“Name and busi—”
“It’s me, pa!”
Your voice cut him off in a gleeful manner, holding yourself from bursting hundreds of questions. If you wanted to know the truth, you needed to play your cards right. Well, what could a six years old girl do? Anything of course, especially if you were the only child (for now) and your parents loved you like you were their stars in the night sky.
You tried to hide your smirk when you heard the audible ‘click’ coming from the inside, followed by the door opening simultaneously. The sun penetrated through the windows, lighting up the whole room and the hallway behind you. A pleasant smell of cedarwood filled your nostrils in an instant, the unique scent that you knew embedded on your father’s suit too since he spent the majority of his time here.
There was a massive round table in the middle of the room, one where you like to sit when your father was busy with work but wanted your company. You would sit there without a care and boredom since your nose mostly touched the paper book in your hand, too engrossed with whatever literature that you could find within his study.
You didn’t need to go back and forth from the east wing and grabbed some books there. Your father studies already engaging enough with a wide variety of history, self-improvement, and many other philosophy books. The room would be engulfed with silence if that happened, but the atmosphere was serene and comforting to both of you, making times fly past naturally and just felt right.
“Well, isn’t it my precious daughter?” He stood up from his plush leather chair, dark yet warm eyes never left your figure as you skipped toward where he was. His lips shaped into a gentle smile as he watched how giddy you looked right now, with both hands on your back as if you had a surprise for him.
It was indeed a surprise, but whether he liked it or not was another story.
“Pa, I need to speak with you!” Your bubbly personality was always so endearing. You were witty, smart, wise — his little rascal but still had a personality like a noble lady when needed.
“And what do you want to talk to me about, my little star?” He walked closer before kneeling in front of you, levelling his eyes with yours. “Something serious? Something playful? Or maybe you just want to talk to me since you missed your pa so much?” His smile turned into a little smirk, raising one of his eyebrows in a teasing manner.
You jutted your lips at his question as your hands clench tighter on the brown books that you found before. Your father waited for any kind of explanation, but you didn’t open up your mouth, not even a little. But you suddenly averted your gaze away, pupils shifting back and forth.
He blinked, trying to understand what it was that you wanted. Your father then looked past you, finding the guards inside the room. It left a question inside his mind at the moment, because you never once needed to talk alone as you always threw questions at him without caring if anybody heard.
This would be the first time, and he decided to indulge you with it.
“Guards, you can wait outside.”
“Sir, with all due respect—”
“Please.”
The two guards looked at each other before giving your father a salute, answered with a firm nod from him. You stood still with your eyes closed as you waited until the sound of footsteps started to fade, not realizing the scrutinizing look that he threw at you. The second you heard a gentle thud echoed in the room, you let out a breath that you subconsciously held.
You were alone now, with your father waiting for any syllables to come out from your lips. A few seconds ago you were so eager, ready to burst out all of the questions that popped inside your mind. But now, as he gazed at you with a look that you couldn’t fathom, you started to rethink your decision.
Would he mad at you for reading the book that he strictly said was forbidden to read? He always kept it inside a glass compartment, telling you that it was filled with a history of mankind. The truth that someday he would tell you. So would he be angry if you knew it now instead of later?
“You read the journal, my star?” You subconsciously dropped the book as you never thought he could see through you like that. Your hands were shaking behind your back before you tightly grip your bow’s dress, fearing that he would not let you walk inside the library ever again.
Seeing the distress in your eyes, he immediately rested his hand on your shoulder, squeezing it gently as if to make sure that you didn’t have to be afraid. That whatever you did, you always became his little star, the daughter that he loved so much. “It’s alright, sooner or later I will tell you all of it.”
His voice was calm as he picked up the book from behind you, opening it right in front of your face as he checked that in case some pages were wrinkled. You still kept your mouth shut, waiting for him to say something more — because for sure his words before were still not enough to calm yourself.
When he looked at you again, you were averting his gaze and decided to look down. So he closed the book and reached out for you, holding your much smaller hand as he brought you toward his desk. The silence was deafening as he didn’t say anything afterwards, making you have to focus on the footsteps to dwindle your concern.
His hand was warm as it engulfed yours, squeezing it softly here and there as he plopped himself to his chair. With how light you were, he picked you up and tucked you gently on his lap, wanting to make sure that you were comfortable since it would take some time to explain everything to you.
“Now, can you tell me what you already know so far?”
It was now that you finally dared to look up, curious about the expression on his face. You should have known that your father wouldn’t be angry at you, he couldn’t, at least not towards you. His face didn’t even show any sign of resentment, he just sat there, looking down, and waited until you were ready to talk.
“Almost everything, I guess.” You finally dared to speak up, yet it still sounded so timid. “That King Fritz was not our enemy, it was thanks to him that the war is over.” Continuing your words, you swallowed a huge lump. “And those people on the island, they are not demons, but they are exactly like—”
“Us.”
He finished your word without pause, knowing what you were going to say next like he always did. Your forehead scrunched at this, lips turned into a scowl as you tried to understand the world that you live in right now. All the war, the hatred that Eldians received inside the internment zone, if only this true story was out in the public then they wouldn’t get treated like that, right?
“B-But why do we hide this information, then?” You croaked out, not believing that your family concealed such truth. “If people knew that King Fritz was the one who wanted peace, if only the whole world knew that Eldians did not want anything but to live like a normal human, they were not going to be treated like this, pa!”
You were begging right now, needing some answer that could justify the choice they made. It felt awful, like someone had put a blindfold on you all your life, whispering to you that the world filled with hatred and that because of your ancestors, because of the blood that flows inside your veins and there was nothing else that you could do except living through the brutal knowledge.
But it was all a lie, because your family could have made a change in this world yet didn’t do anything about it.
Your father just sat there, listening to your cries and complaints. He knew from the start that you were someone that would do anything for Eldians to be free, he often saw you sneaking around and talked to the maids, after all, questioning about how their children were at home and many other mundane things.
He didn’t have the courage to tell you, the reason why he kept the information to himself when he was warned by the current inheritor. He didn’t have the courage to tell you what lies across the sea, what slept inside the walls that the king had made. As your father, he didn’t want his six years old innocent daughter to know that the fate of the world was in their hands — the Eldian.
His lips turned into a frown as he realized. No matter how much he wanted to protect you from this cruel world, no matter how much he just wanted you to live and be happy without a burden on your shoulder, he couldn’t grant his wish.
Because soon, you would be the one in the family who held the biggest responsibility.
“You would know soon enough, my little star.” He gulped down, dark orbs gazing at your face as he was so tormented from this fact only. Your beady eyes shone under the orange hue that slipped through the large windows, making you look even more innocent, an angel to him and his wife as he cradled you like this on his lap.
Soon, and he needed to start telling you now how much weight you would carry throughout your life. “Once you inherit the war hammer titan.”
“Wake up!”
You sat up straight as you tried to inhale the air bit by bit, feeling like your dreams that you had just stolen the oxygen out of your lungs. No, it was not a dream, it was a memory that you had with your father. The day when you knew the truth, the day when you knew your responsibility and how you needed to keep a blind eye over it.
And for sure, hiding the fact from everyone was the hardest part. Especially when you had these people you called friends as you invaded the island of Paradis with the mission to take back the founding titan. You wanted to tell them the danger, or how the people inside the wall were not as different from those in Liberio.
But you had made a vow to your father to keep your lips sealed, no matter how much you wanted to share it. And you were not going to break that promise, not when you knew there was a high possibility that you wouldn’t make it back alive.
“I am sorry, I should have been more gentle.” Your gaze still cast down your lap, wanting to control your emotion first before interacting with the other warrior. “Nightmare?” But his gentle, mature voice was so endearing you couldn’t help but lookup.
His forehead scrunched in worry as you realized that he squatted down right in front of you. Large hazel eyes scrutinizing your every movement, and you felt so bare with how he seemed like he could see right through you.
“I am fine, Marcel.” You answered him a matter of factly, not wanting to prolong the constant worry that he had for his fellow warriors. “Sorry, I will clean up the firepit and be ready in a minute.”
“Oh, no need. I mean— you don’t need to.” He stood up, reaching out his hand for you, and you took it despite the confusion that was written all over your face. “I already cleaned it up, so you just have to grab your bag and we will be ready to continue our journey.”
“Marcel!” You exclaimed, stomping your feet to the ground subconsciously as your eyes drilled on his skull. “It was supposed to be my turn!” And your outburst of course caught the others’ attention. “You always do something like this, making sure that everyone could leisure around while you did all the work.”
“(Y/n), I am sure that he—” The glare in your eyes now fell to another victim, the colossal titan inheritor, and you could see him flinch from just being the recipient of your glare. “N-Nevermind, I will just, uhm, check on Reiner if he is okay.”
And just like that, he scurried off to find his friend, not wanting to interrupt your little tantrum that he was sure would subside soon.
Bertolt knew you, you were always a little cranky when you woke up, at least that was what he could see by the past three days as he woke up with you not far from him. You needed at least a minute just opening your eyes without doing anything, and after that, you were good to go. So he understood why you seemed so extra for what Marcel did right now.
You continued to scold the older boy who just stood there scratching his nape bashfully and apologizing for what he did. He didn’t do anything wrong, but you just disliked the idea that someone did something that was supposed to be your job. Though you always said thank you before taking your leave.
Feeling that you had enough with boys, you walked to Annie who was currently nibbling at some sweets that you gave her before at the boat that brought the companion here. She seemed to see your little quarrel but decided to keep silent, waiting for Marcel to lead the way when he was done fanning his reddened cheek.
Three days had passed after Marley dropped you off to this cursed land. Everyone had so much expectation for this generation, and the fact that a Tybur took part in the mission brought so much hope to the Eldians in your homeland.
Your father was right about the burden that you were going to have. All the expectations set the bar so high for you. So for that, he prepared you to be a reliable and strong individual. Ever since the revelation, he pointed a lot of private instructors to teach you all the basic things about self-defence, archery, firearms, and swordsmanship skills.
You were shaped to be the Eldian’s saviour in Marley, ever since you were six. And you would make sure that all your knowledge and experiences would be put to good use.
Marcel told you about the plan, and for now, they all would rely on Bertolt and Reiner’s titan since it was the most destructive and save the rest for later days. When he first told you about the plan, the two of you were alone, he liked to discuss strategy first with you because your mind was the most mature of all of them.
And all the time he told you about it, your mind always thought that it was so wrong for him to ask for your advice. You wanted to tell him not to destroy the whole outer wall, just one district was enough and everyone could sneak in already. But you knew the chances to get in were lower if there was not enough damage.
So reluctantly, you agreed. You told him that he was brilliant, telling him that it would work for the warriors. And after that, everyone would enrol in the military cadet corps, some would graduate to be a survey corps, while the others joined the military police regiment. It would need a few years to get by, but it would be the safest and optimal route.
Just a few years here and you could come back home, reading books and annoying your father even more. Though you were sure that your mother would scold you for spending too much time with him, she would want you to go horseback riding with her while telling some stories about the family.
Yes, everything would be just like before, and you couldn’t wait for it.
Your eyes fleeting toward the brunette who walked in front of you, his hair swept to the back, reminding you of his brother that was the complete opposite of him in terms of personality. Marcel was gentle, compassionate, reliable, all the things that you would expect from an elder sibling. Meanwhile, Porco was aggressive, emotional, and somewhat a little rude when he talked.
And the big difference between Porco and Marcel that you knew, was the fact that the younger brother despised you. The blonde often threw shades and mockery, telling you that you were not like them, how you were a spoiled kid, and could never understand what Eldian really feels with all the privilege that you had due to your last name.
But that didn’t stop you from wanting to befriend him. You could see through his harsh facade, he was actually gentle inside and cared deeply for all the warrior candidates. He even let his guard down that day when they knew Reiner would be the armoured titan inheritor instead of him, letting you sit beside him outside the headquarters as he let out a sob.
He wept silently when you put your hand on his back, comforting him through the single touch. That was the only push he needed before breaking down in front of you, cursing himself for not being a better candidate, that it was his fault for being too confident in his skill and not trying harder to get the military’s attention.
Oh, if only he knew. If only he knew the real reason why he was not here.
It felt like it happened such a long time ago despite knowing a month just passed ever since. You wondered what the other warrior did right now, more accurately, what was he doing right now. Maybe he had lunch with his family, or perhaps beating himself to the pulp and kept on training until he couldn’t stand anymore.
Knowing that was enough to make you frown since you really cared for him, and to think that he blamed himself for his failure broke your heart even more. Every time you walked, there was an extra weight on your chest as an ivory shark tooth pendant grazing your skin, reminding you of your days in Marley once again.
Especially the day when you received the necklace, something you never took off ever since.
And now as you walked right behind Marcel, you could only imagine that the brown strands were blonde instead. But you shook your head after that, knowing for certain he would have a longer lifespan, that he wouldn’t have to carry so much burden like the rest of you. He could enjoy his life, and that was what caused Marcel to put Reiner on the pedestals instead of him.
You didn’t remember since when you were getting left behind. Of course you could still see the fellow warriors in front of you, but they were a few meters ahead from where you were. It happened a lot, so you didn’t really complain since they knew sometimes you would need alone time.
It was not like there were titans around anyway, the Marleyan Military had assured you that the titans would only be there near the outer wall. So everyone should be saved since it was still halfway through the journey, no one needed to worry and be too on guard for now.
At least that was what you believed until you saw a large shadow looming from behind you.
The silence was deafening when you felt the air sucked out from the space around you, leaving you to stand there alone as you slowly lost the ability to breathe. Fear, that was what you felt right now as your mind could only conclude one thing — there was a titan, right behind you.
No, you still needed to finish your mission. You had promised your father that you would come back to him, you had promised your mother that you would come back home intact, even if it needed you a few years to grant that, as long as you could see them again, it was alright.
As long as you could come back and see him happy and living a beautiful life even when your term was going to end, it would be fine.
But you were glued to the ground, your muscles tensed and you couldn’t move your limbs to run, or just to evade that gigantic hand which now ready to crush your small body with its hand. Yet despite all that, you felt a strong push coming from your side, pushing you out of the way and snapped you back to reality.
You saw Marcel, his dark brown hair dishevelled as now his torso engulfed in the hand of a titan. He looked distressed, panicked, and he flailed his body around as he tried with all his might to survive, despite an impeccable fate that he already knew deep inside his heart.
No one knew where it came from, one second they were chatting, and the next as Marcel saw a titan running toward you, his feet moved on their own with one goal to reach for you. You couldn’t see it, you just gave him an empty look as you were just deep in thought a moment before.
He knew that you would be too shocked to understand what happened, he knew that you couldn’t move away when you turned to see what was standing behind you. And there was something inside his soul that boosted him to run faster, pushing you away as he decided to replace you.
“Come on, let’s go!”
He heard Reiner shouting at you who was still sitting on the grass, eyes focused on him as you tried to wrap your head around you. There were tears in your orbs when Bertolt and Reiner pulled you away forcefully, your legs even wobbled, and that was when the ravenette decided to hoist you up over his shoulder.
Marcel heard the shout, the pleading in your voice as you called out his name. The others were running to safety, but he could still see you as your hand stretched out for him, not believing that you would lose him like this.
“(Y/n)!” He screamed with all his might, hoping that you could hear what he said. Wide teeth already surrounded his head, and it was a matter of time before his world turned black. So he needed to say it, he needed you to tell his brother that his job was done for now. “Tell Porco I did it!”
Then he was gone as the jaw of the titans closed with his body in between it. He died in the hand of a titan who no one knew where it came from. You should have been cautious, no matter what, this island was filled with titans and you shouldn’t have trusted whatever the Marleyan Military said. And it should have been you, not him.
Your eyes never left the scene as you saw Marcel being devoured alive, starting from his head, slowly down to his hip. The details were so vivid and you were sure it would be engraved in your mind for as long as you lived. This would be your constant nightmare, reminding you every day what a cruel world you lived in.
And you didn’t know if you were ever ready — if someday you met a circumstance when you had to face Porco, knowing that his brother died saving you.
cw: camgirl!reader. fem!bodied. character study? fem & male masturbation. explicit details of getting off. jean imagining himself with you as he watches. jean praising you in his head? (good girl once). toys used. spit as lube. actual lube. let me know if i missed anything else!!
wc: 1.3k
a/n: first fic in awhile so please spare me. sort of just, ends. please spare me. thank you x1000 for beta reading @thegetoufather<33
There’s a sense of familiarity as the mouse hovers over your username, a faint clicking noise as your page loads up. The screen fills with the countless videos Jean has watched over and over.
But there is one, in particular, that seems to grab his attention time and time again.
It’s one of your older videos, but it works just as well.
The camera is askew, your voice shy from having to film yourself, movements sloppy and unrehearsed. How your hand seems to be unsure of where to go next. If you should keep them by your waist, or move them down past your hips.
And to him, it makes it more real.
That’s why Jean keeps going back to your page. He likes how your videos aren’t terribly scripted, how you don’t talk to the camera and make it glaringly obvious that this is a setup. He seems to like the innocence behind each move you make and how that plays through each video you upload.
Filing through numerous thumbnails, his eyes finally capture the one he’s in search of. The mouse hovers over the thumbnail, your head softly tucked into your shoulder as your lower half is hidden from view, not a single doubt flashes through his mind before he clicks on it.
Your voice is hushed as you call out to the viewer, talking about how they’re making you feel. Jean knows it’s meant to be for anyone, but for some reason, he just wants it to be him.
So as he continues to watch the video, he places himself there. Each action of yours is met with Jean mimicking it. Slow tugs from his wrist as he watches your slow thrusts. Shallow breaths as he listens to sharp gasps.
Oh fuck —
The sound of your voice is sweet as it falls on his ears, eyes casting downward as you slowly tease yourself, the little shake of your thighs as the slickened vibrator catches your bundle of nerves. The little silicone device buzzes between your fingers as you hold it against your clit. The pulsing sensation has more moans and gasps slipping past your lips as you increase the settings.
Feels so good…
Jean can’t help but groan out as he listens to you. Can’t help but wonder who you’re imagining as you pull the device away from your overworked bud, keeping it just far enough away that the pulsing makes your hips jump up to catch the feeling once more.
His mind drifts to questions of if you’d want him to tease you that same way.
Would you want him to slide his cock between your slick folds? Would you squirm away from him as he taps the flushed head against your sensitive bud? Gazing up at him with tears staining your cheeks as you plead for him to fuck you?
The lewd sound of spit gliding past his lips fills the room, the drop sliding down his length as his fist wraps tightly around himself.
Your hand moves offscreen to grab something close to you. A silicone cock comes into frame as you switch off the vibrator momentarily. Your other hand grabs the small bottle of lube on your bed, popping up the cap to apply the clear substance over the rubber.
Jean tugs harshly at his aching dick, watching the way you shudder at the feeling of the tip nudging your entrance. Singing sweet praises in his head as he watches you slowly ease the silicone into your cunt, watching as you whine from the stretch and whispering a silent, good girl, as you take all of it.
A stillness covers your body as you adjust to the size, your hand sneaking its way across your duvet to reach for that small device once again. The machine buzzes between your fingers as a shooting pleasure dances up your spine.
Keeping the vibrator snug at your clit, slowly your wrist pulls the fake cock back, your toes scrunching up as the fake veins drag along your walls.
Your mouth hangs open as each moan and whine falls past your lips at will. Each gentle flick of your wrist has your breath catching in your throat at the sensation.
Slowly, yet again, you push the fake dick into your battered cunt. Each buzz to your clit has your walls squeezing around the silicone. Your hips push themselves off the bed to press the silicone further into your wet heat.
Jean watches in amazement. How responsive your body is to each little movement of your own desire. His curiosity always gets the better of him as his mind wanders to himself there with you.
Slick clicking noises surround Jean’s ears, his fist moving in rhythm with your wrist. But the noise gets drowned out as he continues to study your body.
Would your legs be soft as he holds them to his body? Keeping them steady to his hips as he fucks his cock into your plush cunt? Would the fat at your hips dimple from the pressure of his fingers digging into your skin as he ruts against them?
His mind replaces the silicone with himself as the video continues to play on.
Sharp thrusts knock your body up the mattress, each push of Jean’s hips has them sitting flush against yours. Each thrust has you feeling every inch of his length as he fills up your cunt.
Jean’s pace is slow and meticulous, he doesn’t want to bring you to your release too soon, but he doesn’t want to leave you unsatisfied. So, each drag of his cock along your walls is met with gentle circles of his thumb over your clit. The calm pace makes your hips squirm beneath him as you beg him to go faster.
Because of his gentle nature, Jean doesn’t keep up the teasing for much longer, your quiet cries for him to do more are silenced as his hips pick up speed. His hands heavily placed on your waist as he fucks into you at a rougher pace.
Eyes roaming over your body, he drinks in the sight of you sprawled out beneath him. Watching soft thighs jiggle from the force of his hips as they meet the skin, fingers grasping at any bit of your body to get you closer to him.
The growing coil in your stomach burns as his leaky cock head nudges against the tender spot deep within you, your fists curling together as they capture the soiled sheets beneath you.
Keep going, please…
Every demand from you is met with every obeying action from Jean. His pace doesn’t falter, not even when he shifts his position just slightly, the new angle having him hit that spot even more as he fucks you.
Shakily, your hand dances down your torso as it finds its way between your legs. Your clit is practically buzzing as your fingers flick the hardened bud, your back arching deliciously to catch that feeling once more.
Soclose, please don’t stop…
Jean’s eyes flick up to the screen as he watches your cunt flutter around the rubber cock.
Your thighs are tucked haphazardly against your stomach, an arm trapped between the muscles as your wrist continues to work you to your orgasm.
Sloppily, you try to keep a steady pace as the silicone stretches your battered cunt around the length of it, your fingers cramping as the vibrator buzzes at your numbing clit.
A-ah! Cumming!
His head is swimming from his thoughts of fucking you that your blissed out face has him spilling into his own hand, thick ropes of white painting his fist and bits of his taut abs.
A particularly harsh tug of his cock has him curling in on himself, his hand sticky with arousal as he forces his hand away.
With the high washing over him, Jean swipes a tissue from the box sitting on his desk to clean himself up.
Before exiting out of the tab, his hand slides over the back of the mouse to click the plus button, effectively saving your video to his short list of favorites.
Genre: smut, pwp for the most part, teensy bit of angst
Warnings: this is filthy, NSFW, minors DNI, BDSM dynamics, emotional manipulation, daddy kink, breeding, unprotected sex, double penetration, oral sex, degradation, praise kink, dacryphilia, dumbification, overstimulation, impact play, choking, threesome, voyeurism, exhibitionism, Eren’s a bit of a dick surprise, surprise
Word count: 4.2k
“I bet you like this, don’t you, whore?” Eren’s long fingers seized your neck, squeezing the sides of your windpipe as he pulled your back flush against his chest. His other hand held a death grip on your hip, guiding your body to meet his thrusts as he fucked up into you from where he sat on the couch. “Bet you want him to walk in here and see this tight little cunt of yours getting stuffed full with my cock, hmm?”
“N-no, Sir,” you mewled breathlessly, closing your eyes to try and focus on not coming undone until you could get his permission, which he’d been denying for so long now. “My pussy s'just for you, Sir.”
His lips curled into a smirk against your shoulder, sinking his teeth in as he tightened his grip on your neck, “Such a good slut today, aren’t you? You really wanna cum, huh? Wanna cream all over this cock?”
“Yes. Yes, please. Wanna cum so bad, Sir,” your voice pitched up into whine, barely hanging on as he continued to pound into you.
“Well that’s really too fuckin’ bad,” his hips stalled, leaving you teetering right on the edge of euphoria that you almost thought he was going to let you taste. “Gonna have to wait a little longer, princess. You can cum when I feel like letting you, got it?”
His lips were roaming your neck, sucking and tugging at the sensitive skin with his teeth as he held your hips in both of his capable hands. Your head lolled to the side, giving him easier access while you suppressed a whimper, not daring to challenge his authority in this situation.
“I see you’re finally learning some self-control,” his words were muffled by the way he spoke, with the skin of your neck between his teeth. He kissed the reddened area, swiping his tongue over salty skin to soothe the love bite. “I might have to reward you for being such a good bitch for me for once.”
“Just wanna cum, Sir, plea–,” you cried out as his hips resumed their assault. This time, two fingers joined his efforts, toying with your clit as his breath fanned over your ear. The sound of keys turning was drowned out by your needy exclamations. Your eyes were snapped shut too tight to see the tall brunette entering the room, the way his eyes widened upon witnessing how easily you were bouncing up and down on top of the man who was now locking eyes with him with a sinister smirk on his face.
“Cum for me, baby,” Eren’s husky command was enough to finally send you tumbling over the edge, blissfully unaware of the third party who had entered the room and was now taking in the sight of your violent orgasm, selfishly unable to look away and entirely unsure of what to do. “Look, babygirl. Daddy’s home,” his dark tone remained hushed, nothing more than a sensual whisper into the shell of your ear as you began drifting down from you high, still bobbing up and down on Eren’s length.
It was so hushed that you weren’t quite sure you caught what he had said, but you opened your eyes anyway, your mouth still slack and spilling forth moan and after groan as you lost yourself in how fucking good you felt after being edged for so long. The shock of seeing his roommate, your friend, standing there, his eyes drinking in every inch of your naked and penetrated body, wasn’t enough to stop the pleasure coursing through you or the sounds that fell from your lips. You jerked momentarily, as if you were trying to stop, to pry yourself away from Eren and into the nearest hiding spot, but you couldn’t. It felt too good, and the way that Jean’s eyes were trained on your pussy, still pulsing and gushing around Eren’s thick cock as it stretched your walls, suddenly seemed so, so hot.
“You wanna play with him, princess?” Eren’s lips feathered kisses between your shoulder blades as he slowed the motion of his hips, whispering against your skin, so that only you could hear his sinful proposition. “I know you do. Consider it your reward for being such a good girl. Go ahead, ask your new Daddy real nice and I bet he’ll fill any hole you ask him too.”
Was this a trick? A test? Some sick joke Eren was playing on the both of you? You didn’t know, but you were still too horny to care. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, after all.
“Daddy,” you mewled, locking eyes with Jean. “Wanna play with you.” Your hands cupped your breasts, massaging them as you grinded your hips on Eren’s, feeling his cock rock inside of you as you begged, “Please, Daddy, can I play with your cock too?”
“Wha-what?” He closed his eyes and shook his head, as if he were trying to wake himself from a dream, but when he opened them again, he saw you, hand now outstretched, looking so desperately at him. He took a cautious step closer, flicking his gaze to Eren to study his face.
“It’s okay, she’s into this kind of shit,” Eren jutted his chin toward you, his hands stilling your hips before smacking your thigh. “Aren’t you, baby?”
You nodded, biting your bottom lip as you stood and reached for Jean’s hand, taking it as you dropped to your knees in front of him.
“Whoa, uh, are you—are you sure about this?” He flashed his palms and as looked down at you, watching you already working to remove his jeans.
“Mhmm,” you hummed in response as your pressed your lip to his now exposed v-line. “Can I taste you, Daddy? Wanna put you in my mouth so bad . .”
He shuddered at your touch, watching intently as your slowly tugged down his pants, boxers and all, until his cock sprung free, bobbing in front of your face.
“Fuck, Daddy,” you licked your lips, squirming in anticipation at the sheer size of it. Eren’s size was more than satisfactory, but this was another level. “It’s so big,” you grabbed his hips, placing soft kisses along his his thigh as you looked up at him through your lashes, “Can I please play with you, Daddy? I’ll be such a good girl, I promise.”
“Oh my God, yes,” his hands ran through your hair before taking a small step back to kick off his bottoms and peel off his shirt. He took his cock in his hand, stroking it a few times before bringing it to your lips, flicking the tip onto your tongue as you exposed it, “Yes, you can baby. Oh fuck, you’re so fucking hot.”
“Grab her hair,” Eren spoke up from his spot on the couch, his eyes settled on the pair of you as he languidly stroked his member. “She’ll be dripping for you in no time if you fuck her face. Little bitch loves it.”
“Mmhmm,” you moaned as you took his length into your mouth, bobbing your head as you stroked him with your hand, spreading saliva along his shaft to help ease him down your throat.
“Holy shit, you’re so fucking good at that, baby,” he groaned, rocking his hips forward into your wet mouth, slowly helping you take his length as he fisted his hands into your hair. “Tap my leg when you need to breathe, okay?”
He took a moment to look down into your eyes, angling your chin up, so he knew you were hearing him. You thought you heard Eren scoff and you missed the way he rolled his eyes, but neither of you paid him any attention. When you nodded in agreement, he began sinking his cock deep into your throat, only hesitating when you gagged, but you pushed further, holding your breath as you took him nearly to the hilt.
His eyes rolled back as he quaked, his whole body shivering in pleasure as he tightened his grip on your hair, holding you there for a moment and then pulling your head back carefully, his cock exiting your lips with a pop as you sucked in a deep breath.
“You’re such a good girl, sweetheart,” he combed his fingers through your hair, guiding your lips back to his length, which you eagerly took into your mouth, eyes fixed on his, wanting to hear more of his sweet praise.
He watched you so intently, his mouth falling open into an ‘O’ as you hollowed your cheeks, fisting his length as you sucked and swirled your tongue around the tip.
“Fuck, fuck,” he held the back of your head, not guiding your motions, but just letting you set your own rhythm as he stared down, mesmerized by the way his cock disappeared into your throat. “FUCK,” his arms tensed, fingers grasping your hair tightly as you managed to suck his entire length down, feeling it fill your airway as you struggled to hold him there, contracting your throat around him.
“That’s my fucking girl,” Eren shifted in his seat, pumping his hand faster as he watched you squirm.
Tears sprung to your eyes as your lungs began to burn, your jaw becoming sore from the position it was in. You tapped at his thigh with two fingers and he immediately let go, cupping your face as you sputtered and panted for air.
“Are you all right?” He held your chin between his thumb and forefinger, “Just catch your breath. It’s okay, babygirl.”
“You’re real fuckin’ sweet aren’t you? In and outta the sack,” Eren stood, waltzing over and grabbing your hair harshly, tearing your gaze from Jean’s kind eyes and bringing them to focus on his cold, unforgiving orbs. “It’s a wonder how a guy like you never manages to bring any bitches home.”
Your throat was suddenly full again, gagging around Eren’s cock as he fully sheathed himself between your lips. Jean’s eyes widened as Eren scrutinized your pathetic expression, tears streaming down your cheeks as your hands braced his hips. He thrusted them forward, fucking into your throat as lewd squelching noises and the sound of you choking and pleading for a breath filled the air.
He finally relented, groaning loudly and yanking your head back by your hair as he smirked over at Jean, “She can take more than you think,” his fingers freed your tresses, opting to trail along your jaw, smearing the saliva pooling around your mouth as you chased your breath. “You wanna be used tonight, baby? Wanna get fucked until you can’t see straight?”
You nodded eagerly, folding your hands into your lap as you stared up at him, completely submissive to his will. Your pussy clenched around nothing, soaked and throbbing from the assault on your throat and his sinful words.
“See?” Eren stepped back, letting Jean take a step closer to you as you shifted your eyes to him, waiting for further instruction. “She’ll do damn near anything you want. I guarantee her pussy’s fucking soaked. Am I right, bitch? Fuckin’ show him how ready you are for that horse cock of his, if you want it so bad.”
You did as you were told, leaning back as you spread your legs, using two fingers to part your folds, swirling them around your entrance as you moaned, teasing yourself by slipping a single finger in. Jean winced, his cock twitching as his watched your ministrations, biting his lip to suppress a moan of his own.
“Fuck her, if you think you can satisfy her,” Eren smirked and took a seat on the smaller sofa, getting comfortable as he returned to stroking his own length.
“C’mere,” Jeans voice was still noticeably softer than Eren’s but it had an air of authority to it this time as he curled two fingers at you, while making his way to the couch.
He sat down, spreading his legs and patting his thighs as you padded over to him. Your hands rested on his shoulders as you straddled his lap, your knees on either side of his body as his cock stood at attention between you. You moved to stroke it, but he stopped you, clasping a hand around your wrist as his fingers slipped between you, reaching up to dip into your slick, groaning as he sank two fingers into you with ease.
“You’re so wet, baby,” he leaned forward, kissing your neck as he whispered, “you want me to fill you up, babygirl? Want me to fill this tight little pussy up, Hmm?”
You nodded, your breath already shaky when you wrapped an arm around his neck to steady yourself as his fingers started fucking up into you, “Please, Daddy.”
“Good girl,” he kissed your temple, swiping his thumb repeatedly over your clit as he rested his forehead against yours, trying to create a more intimate moment for the two of you while Eren groaned at the sight from the other couch. “I’ll make sure you feel good, baby, I promise.”
You felt your cheeks flush, a smile creeping across your face that you were grateful Eren couldn’t see from his angle. Jean tucked himself into the crook of your neck, opposite the side Eren could view, and tugged on your ear with his teeth as he whispered, “You’re beautiful, you know that?”
You took your lip between your teeth, flushing an even deeper shade of crimson that Jean was just able to see before his lips collided with yours, slow and sweet, as he sighed through his nose.
“Jean,” you kissed back needily, mumbling against his lips in a soft whine as he fingers sank deeper inside you.
“Is that his fucking name?” Eren barked and you corrected yourself, tensing against Jean, who grabbed your hip, rubbing his thumb against it as a soothing gesture.
“Daddy,” you whimpered, shifting your hips on top of his, “Please, fuck me, Daddy.”
“C’mere, babygirl,” he retracted his hand from your core, grasping beneath your thighs with two strong hands as he lifted you up and hovered you over his cock. “Go as slow as you need, okay?”
He held your waist as both your arms encircled his neck, pulling your torso closer to his as you captured his lips, kissing him deeply as you felt his tip push into you. You moaned as his tongue began exploring your mouth, his impressively thick cock stretching your walls so tightly around him as he choked out a groan, which became amplified as you clenched around him.
“‘Atta girl, baby, taking that fucking dick like a champ,” Eren growled, a sheen of sweat glistening on his torso as he stroked the head of his dick, eyes glued to the way your cunt was sucking in Jean’s massive cock, your juices dripping along the length that you had yet to take.
“Fuck, it’s so big, Daddy,” you whined, pushing a hand into his hair as you brought your torso flush with Jean, who ran a soothing hand up your spine shushing you quietly as he held the back of your neck.
“You can do it, baby,” he pressed a kiss just below your ear as he subdued the urge thrust upwards into you, closing his eyes tight as he let out a deep grunt when finally took all of him in.
“Oh my God,” you panted, feeling so incredibly full that you almost forgot where you were until his hands caught your hips, slowly guiding them up and down, the sensation driving you absolutely wild as you tightened your grip on his hair. “Faster, please, Daddy. Fuck, you feel so good inside me.”
“Shit, baby,” he complied without hesitation, helping you bounce on his lap, his cock carving space within your walls that you didn’t realize was there to claim. “Such a good fucking girl. You’re so fucking perfect, babygirl. Takin’ me so well like this,” his soft whispers of praise, swallowed by the moans you were exchanging, had you reeling.
His words, coupled with the glorious sensation of him being driven so deep inside you, rendered you useless for anything besides your fluttering pussy. Words failed you, any other thoughts escaped you. All you knew was the feeling of Jean beneath you, muttering such gentle coos of kindness while his hips mercilessly thrusted in time with yours, pushing him up against your womb over and and over and over again until your eyes rolled back, the pressure becoming too much from penetration alone. Your orgasm came on so suddenly that you almost didn’t recognize it’s arrival until you were spasming around him, choking out nonsensical streams of explicatives as your chest heaved, void of breath.
Eren stood, making his way over to you both on the couch as Jean held you tighter, rocking his hips beneath you as he fucked you through your release, his strong arms holding you steady as you lost all your senses.
“You. Lay down,” Eren nodded towards the far side of the couch and Jean reluctantly complied, groaning quietly while he picked up the both of you and turned, laying back as he kept you close to his chest. “Fuck yeah, that’s perfect. Keep fucking her and don’t you dare fucking cum yet, Kirstein.”
Eren settled one knee onto the couch, taking his stance behind you as he gripped your ass with both hands, striking each cheek suddenly, making you cry out as you looked behind you. His face was deceptively soft as he smiled at you, his palms rubbing the marks he’d left, feeling the jiggle of your ass each time Jean thrusted into you.
“You won’t mind if I take this tight little hole of yours, right, princess?” His thumb came to rest against your asshole, the tip of it nearly plunging in each time your hips came back against it. You mewled, watching in excitement as he slowly dipped a finger in, groaning at the slight sting. “Of course you don’t. Dumb little cocksleeve. You want both of your filthy holes stuffed full of cum tonight, don’t you, slut?”
“Yes, Sir,” you breathed, clinging to Jean tighter, whimpering in his ear as Eren added a second digit, slowly stretching your puckered hole with the excess fluid that had pooled around it from your sloppy cunt.
Jean groaned as he watched, moving his hips more slowly until they stilled to allow Eren to line himself up with your other entrance. A long string of saliva stretched from his lips as he spit onto his cock, spreading the fluid across his length as he slowly pushed inside of you.
“Oh, f-fuck,” you stuttered, nails digging into Jean as he hushed you with more of that honeyed praise that you’d come to crave.
“It’s okay, baby. Think of how good it’s gonna feel. You’re doing such a good job, princess.” A large hand started rubbing circles on your back while another tucked beneath your chin. “Hey, look at me.”
Your glassy eyes met Jean’s, a soft cry leaving your lips as he leaned in and swallowed it, kissing you gently as you moaned, feeling the first wave of pleasure hit you as Eren rolled his hips for the first time.
After that, he didn’t give you much more time to adjust. He set a steady pace right away, growling from behind you as he snapped his hips back and forth. Jean held himself still, his hands returned to your hips as he helped you met Eren’s thrusts. He panted heavily beneath you, his cock growing somehow harder inside you as you rocked along his length, a mixture of ‘yes, sir’s and ‘yes daddy’s being pounded out of your mouth and Eren picked up his rhythm.
“You like this, bitch? Like being used like a stupid little fuck toy?” He struck your ass hard, not bothering to wait for a response before he did it again, even harder. “Like feeling useful to me for once, you fucking whore?”
“Yes! Ah—fuck, Sir! Yes, yes, yes,” you propped yourself up by a hand on either side of Jean’s face, shoving your hips back harder against both of their cocks as you begged, teetering on the edge of another orgasm. “C-cum inside me, p-please. Oh, pretty please, Sir. Wan’all your cum, please. Use me, Sir, fucking use me all y’want.”
Jean stared up at your fucked out face, losing his ability to hang out as he exploded inside of you, his hips stuttering as he took over thrusting for you, fucking his hot load deeper into your greedy cunt while Eren’s cock rutted against his inside of you, pulsing as he neared his own high.
“Tell me who fucking owns you, you stupid bitch,” one last harsh strike feel on your behind as Eren’s grip on your ass became brutal, fingers digging into your soft flesh.
“You, Sir!” You yelped, locking eyes with him as you looked back, your mouth hanging open as you struggled to keep your focus while your body wracked with pleasure, sending convulsions through you as you cried out in complete ecstasy.
“You’re damn right.” His eyes fell into a hooded daze as he followed suit, pouring his sticky sweet substance deep into you and thrusting a few more times before he pulled out, marveling at the way it poured back out of you. “Dammit, baby, you look so fuckin’ good like this.”
He leaned down, soothing one cheek with his palm as he pressed a kiss to the other before he sat back on the other end of the couch, allowing you the room to sit up and off of Jean, who held your hand as your legs wobbled. He sprung up to steady you, hands holding your hips as you regained your composure, catching your breath as you stumbled on unsure legs towards Eren, who caught your waist and pulled you down into his lap.
“Thank you, baby,” he smiled, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear as he leaned down to kiss the top of your head while your eyes fluttered closed. “You did so good for us. Gonna help clean you up and take you to bed with me, okay?”
Jean stood and began gathering his clothes, suddenly feeling awkward in his post-nut clarity as he watched your embrace. He felt a twinge of jealousy as he witnessed you nuzzle into Eren’s chest, a small, soft smile on your lips.
“Love you,” it was barely a whisper, but Jean heard you mutter the words against Eren’s neck as you placed a kiss to it, and he wished that he hadn’t.
But more than that, he wished that he hadn’t looked over to see Eren’s smug grin. He was staring straight at Jean, eyes narrowed as he spoke in the softest voice that he had ever heard him use as he drew lazy circles against the skin of your shoulder.
“Love you too, baby.”
Without another word, Eren stood, lifting you and carrying you effortlessly into his bedroom. He laid you down on the bed, pressing a kiss to your cheek as he whispered in your ear that he would be right back to take care of you.
Jean was tugging his boxers back up when Eren reappeared, stepping in front of his door, so that he could quietly close it behind him, lest you should hear what he had to say.
“Did you enjoy yourself?” He seemed almost bored when he asked the question, crossing his arms over his broad chest.
“Uh, yeah, guess so,” Jean shrugged, silently wishing that the conversation would end right there.
“Good, I’m glad you had a good time,” he wandered closer, looking disinterested as ever. “ Because, I want you to understand something. Now that you know exactly what you’re missing,” Eren came to stand toe-to-toe with him, eyes hard as he spat his next words. “You should also know that you’ll never have her.”
Jean narrowed his eyes, jaw unhinging to protest, but he was cut off by more of Eren’s venom-laced words.
“Save it. I’ve seen the way you look at her. I’ve heard you moaning her name while you stroke your dick alone in your room like the bitch that you are. I know all the details about your pathetic little crush on her.”
Jean looked away, unable to find the words to counter Eren’s verbal assault, because he couldn’t feasibly deny a single word.
“That’s what I fucking thought. You couldn’t even help yourself from sweet-talking her while I was right fuckin’ there. Well, now you don’t gotta wonder what her cunt feels like anymore. How good she feels pressed up against you. What a good girl she really is. Now you know. I bet she’s everything you hoped for and then some, huh? Sure hope you’re able to get over her for your sake, because if you so much as breathe in her general direction again, I will fucking end you. Got it?”
Jean grit his teeth, shaking with anger, but unwilling to challenge him as Eren stared him down, “Got it.”
With a smug expression, Eren spun on his heel, tossing a half-hearted salute over his shoulder, not bothering to look back at Jean, “Have fun fuckin’ your fist from now on.”
