A/N: Ahhh!! Last chapter before season 4, enjoy the fluff!
Warning- Sweet, heart melting FLUFF!!, light swearing, LONG CHAPTER! NSFW, dirty talk SMUT (it’s just a part. Not too long so for those of you who don’t like reading that stuff don’t worry, it’s towards the end, and regardless, I’llcolor the first word from where it starts, and then ends!)
Pairing- Jean Kirstein x reader
(Let me know if you want to be tagged)
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*YEAR 853*
A deep breath of air unfurls from your lungs and slowly and calmly escapes past your lips. The sand beneath your feet picks up, creating a thin sand cloud that drags back with a swift shift of your foot.
The air surrounding you is thick with anticipation, over exaggerated fear and excitement. The beating of your heart is fueled with adrenaline with no hint of fear lacing through your veins. That was a dangerous thing.
Sun beams reflect off your blade, bouncing off the metal with each twirl. When the spinning stops, on one side the ocean waves are mirrored on the shiny metal, whilst the other side captures every curve of your body as you slowly lift it, stopping the moment it’s just your cocky smirk captured on the tip of the blade.
As you take a second to register your surroundings, you capture Jean with his breath held over the use of real blades, Sasha and Connie with amused grins on their features, and Armin watching through the gaps between his fingers. Until finally you take in your cousin Mikasa shifting her fighting stance before you.
“You know,” Mikasa quips with her hand gripping her metal blade. “I like how confident you’ve become in yourself.” The corner of her lips twitch. “I think you might even beat me. For the first time.”
The air at the sea now had a distinguishable smell. Whereas when you first arrived the smell was unknown and foreign. Now you came to recognize that it was the smell of salt from the blue body of water.
Each time the breeze blew, one could taste the salt in the breeze. It was welcoming, different and appealing. After returning to Trost for a short week, you were suddenly aware of the difference between the thick, polluted city smell and the light fresh smell of the sea. After returning to the camp, you also recognized that missing the city was ridiculous. Especially after how the painted night sky looked from the sand you sat on.
The sky was littered with more stars than you could ever imagine existed, their light shone brighter than that compared to the drowned out starlight that shone over the city. From the grainy sand you could see a string of thousands of stars lined down the night sky almost daily. It looked like someone had used a paintbrush and painted a singular thick stroke of milky white stars across the dark sky. Yet none of it compared to how each phase of the moon, and each twinkling star looked mirrored on the water’s surface.
The first time you witnessed the view, you were utterly breath taken by the beauty. You actually reached for the water to feel if in some possible way the stars floated down to dance on the water’s surface. But no. When your fingers met the water, the ripple disrupted the view. Regardless though, now you made it part of your nightly routine to admire the reflection from the cold sand when the stars did shine. Albeit it was easy getting entranced by the moment. Making you unaware of anything that could go on around you. Like now.
“Why did you leave the bonfire?” Jean’s voice broke the silence, his sudden presence startling you out of your stupor.
A/N- it’s a good chapter, I’m proud of it ;) let me know what you thought! Since this is also a cherry au, I’ll say this, this story will not affect Cherry whatsoever!
Warning- Swearing, angst, mentions of alcohol use, LONG CHAPTER! SLOWBURN, talks of death, ptsd and slight mentions of domestic violence
Pairing- Jean Kirstein x reader
(Let me know if you want to me be tagged)
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September Thirtieth. Time: eight twenty-one am. Battery percent fifty-one.
You: I’m sorry about yesterday. Things happened and I couldn’t make it, I wanted to let you know but my phone was dead all day. Can we make it up today?
Jean probably won’t answer anytime soon, or at all, but he needed to know you are genuinely sorry.
He might not believe you. You know you wouldn’t believe it, but from the bottom of your heart you were remorseful. And you truly did plan on making it to tutor him, but things did truly end up happening and you couldn’t go home until the next day.
Hopefully he understands. Even if you aren’t giving him a good reason, the true reason why you weren’t able to go like you agreed.
You probably seem like such a bitch, damn.
Fuck.
You exhale quivers and you stop outside some black gates to glance at your phone screen to see if Jean had answered.
But no, only Eren and Furlan messaged you about a hundred times this morning—you’ll answer them after…you visit Marco.
With that thought out, you put your phone away and hesitate a few minutes outside the black metal gates to contemplate walking in. You’ve only visited him once after the accident, exactly a year after because your therapist said you were ready to face the reality of the outcome. You stayed in front of his grave for about five minutes and just stared at it the whole time before leaving. You haven’t returned ever since, it’s been two years since then. And it’s been three years since he died.
Why exactly did you find yourself at the cemetery right now? Well ever since you were in that trippy place, the memories of him have plagued your mind. Walking to the cemetery early in the morning on your way home is the only time you knew you would be able to force yourself to come.
Completely walking in seems harder than it should be though. Albeit you are able to at least walk past the black gates; but the way to his grave seemed like hundreds miles away, like it was out of reach. Like it was at the end of a dark tunnel that didn’t seem to have an end.
Your heart kept insisting you to move, but your mind…the guilt you carried held you back again. No matter how many sessions you’ve had in therapy, no matter how many times people have told you that you weren’t at fault for his death, you haven’t been able to feel anything else but guilt and grief. Three years has not been enough time to process his death or the accident that caused his unfortunate doom. If you’re honest with yourself, it’s felt like you’ve been stuck these past three years. Life has been a dark recurring endless loop, same thing day after day.
You want to break out of that loop that’s kept you trapped, recently you have felt cracks that let light shine through, but you’re still stuck.
Maybe you do need to talk to your therapist again.
Anyhow, you’re already here, standing on the gravel path. You have a bouquet of flowers in your hand, you don’t need to stay for hours, just put the flowers down and maybe talk for a few minutes and then return home. No biggie.
“I can move my legs and walk there,” you say to yourself, “I can do it.” You glance at the white lilies in your hands and then glance at your path ahead. You continue to contemplate for a few more seconds, but you end that hesitation by drawing in a deep breath and slowly releasing it out of your lungs. “I can,” you say one last time before walking towards Marco’s grave in a confidence that slowly began to dwindle the closer you got.
By the time you were facing his grave that confidence was nonexistent, but you got to where you wanted so all you needed right now was courage to speak and take a step closer.
Yet fear paralyzed you. Only your eyes moved to read Marco’s name on the grey stone over and over again, as if you were trying to understand what you were reading. Everything else around you was blurred, letting you just focus on the sight in front of you, but it wasn’t enough. You could barely breathe normally, your legs cramped, they felt like when an arm or a foot fell asleep; and it began to panic you out of fear that you’d relapse and wouldn’t be able to walk again. You wanted to turn back more than anything, but you kept strong and stayed.
You force yourself to relax, and drop that tension from your shoulders and legs to slowly step forward and crouch down to put the bouquet of flowers in a small vase.
Being in front of his grave wasn’t easy whatsoever but you’re trying. However you couldn’t start with what you truly wanted to say, so you just began with something else instead.
“It’s been a while I know.” You sigh and tuck your hands in your coat pockets. “It’s also early, but well, Eric left before I woke up, like it was some one night stand.” You click your tongue and drop your eyes to the green grass and keep quiet for a few minutes before continuing. “I began talking to this guy. Or, well I began tutoring this guy, his name is Jean Kirstein….he’s uh…cute…very,”
You smile and sit down, finding it easy to talk to him only because you were pushing away what was trapped inside your heart.
“He’s a little bit of an ass, but it’s tolerable. I’ve only talked to him for a bit, but he’s….he’s nice. Sweet. I can tell, you know I’m a good judge of character.” You scoff and pull your hands out to drop them on the grass that was a bit wet due to the morning dew that was still on the ground. “But I think I screwed that up. Eric kept me with him yesterday, he….well we spent time together, so I left Jean deserted. I don’t think he’ll talk to me again. I don’t deserve it.” You stop and your eyes flicker to the stone. “I’ll apologize in person tomorrow when I go to school.”
You sigh and frown as you begin to tear the grass blades off the ground. “I know what you’re going to say…I thought you were going to break up with Eric…I was…I think about it everyday. But…” you pause and clear your throat. “Well…maybe I deserve to be with him. It’s not like he makes me feel any less lonely. Honestly I feel more alone when I’m with him, but maybe I deserve that tough love for what….happened…” You pause again and swallow back that thick lump in your throat that began to grow.
Yet it kept coming back up and it made it hard to continue talking. You didn’t have any water with you so you kept swallowing thickly until you couldn’t anymore, you tried to clear your throat, but it wouldn’t work, you couldn’t make yourself speak another word. No matter how much you strained yourself.
Tears are all that manage to form instead of words. Instead of talking you just punch the ground out of frustration. You stand to your feet and step back from the grave, you keep looking at it in hopes you could keep talking but it was too hard, you were getting too choked up, your chest was too tight and your legs shook too much.
So instead you walk away, with each step seeing your eyesight blur more and more with the tears that cloud your eyes. You feel your throat tighten and your chest only get tighter to the point you were having a hard time breathing. You rushed out the cemetery in hopes you’d feel better, but no matter how far you were getting, or how fast you were walking, you felt the same.
Which is why you thought of calling the first person that came to mind, the person that could bring you some peace of mind, but Eren wouldn’t pick up the phone. You kept calling and holding back the tears that just clouded your eyes, but he wouldn’t pick up the phone. You were alone, walking down the street with tears that you held back finally breaking out and streaming down your cheeks, and silent whispers of words finally traveling out of your lips as well. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault.”
You clench a fist and cover your mouth to silent the sob so those few people you passed wouldn’t question you. Your chest felt a little better, letting you breathe a bit better, but overall you felt terrible.
And getting home wasn’t a relief.
“Y/N?” You hear Levi calling you from the living room.
However, you ignore him and put your hood on and quicken your pace to reach your room without having him see you. “Hey, come here we need to talk.”
You keep quiet and hear him following after you at a quick pace.
“Y/N.”
“Leave me alone,” you retort in hopes he’d listen.
Just as you’re about to reach your door, Levi grabs your arm to turn you around and force this talk on you, but you didn’t want him to see that you were crying so you did the best thing you could so he’d leave you alone for sure.
“I said leave me the hell alone!” You exclaim and yank your arm away to open your door and storm inside to then slam the door shut.
When you were inside behind the locked door, you stayed in front of the door to watch his shadow leave so you could walk to the farthest end of your room and just fall on the floor to ball yourself up by hugging your knees against your chest and crying on the ground.
While you’re on the floor, you reach for the necklace you keep insisting you had, but once again it was missing so you just pressed your forehead against your knees and cry until your phone vibrated.
Thinking it was Eren, you grab it to check, but you see Jean’s contact name instead—J: Dont worry about it. I got your priorities. Consider our thing done I don’t tolerate that shit.
You stop crying, but begin to panic again.
You: No Jean, please. I’m sorry—you send him the message right away, and he takes no time to message you back.
J: I can tell you’re not serious about this so I’ll find someone else. It was nice knowing you y/n.
You jump to your feet and feel anger rise and begin to slowly push away the sadness—you: I REALLY AM SORRY, I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS—you answer right away.
You: I got caught up and I know that’s a shitty excuse but please believe that I am sorry. I really am. It won’t happen again, so please give me one more chance. Just one more chance. I really want to help you.
A few minutes pass and you impatiently wait by staying on the message page as you pace back and forth. You then drop your ass on the seat in front of your window, letting your orange cat jump onto your lap and snuggle up against you.
When the three little typing dots finally appear on the screen, your heart skips a beat and your stomach twists. You abruptly stand from your seat, causing your cat to fall off—“oops I’m so sorry Mr. Darcy.” You apologize to the orange cat who just walks off to lay on your bed.
Finally Jean’s message arrives and your heart skips again—J: One more but if it happens again I’m dropping you for good.
You grin and squeal, forgetting to take your time and answering him right away—good thing he can’t see me.
You: Thank you!
J: I’m busy after school today, and the rest week so we’ll work on my schedule from now on.
You: That’s good! Thank you!
J: Monday same time.
You mindlessly turn around and walk towards your window as you answer him—You: That’s fine. And I’m sorry again. Have a good day. Xoxo.
You shut your phone off and throw it on the seat to fist pump the air out of pure relief and happiness, in that moment hitting your knuckles on the wood and ending that joy with pain and more frustration. “Oh motherfucking shitting wall. Bitch.”
——
*JEAN’s P.O.V*
You: That’s fine. And I’m sorry again. Have a good day. Xoxo.
“Xoxo? What the hell?” Jean mumbles to himself before he begins to think of what to respond with. Not because he found it hard to think of something to tell you, but he didn’t want to look eager or like what you did was okay. Yet he was curious about your whereabouts and the reason you left him stranded and looking stupid in that booth. It had to be good. For your sake.
But again he didn’t want to seem like he was eager, so instead he just swiped away from the message app and sat on his stool as he began to procrastinate. Finding himself on your Instagram page and seeing you had just posted a picture of the glowing theatre sign, in attempts to be aesthetic.
Is that where you were?! Is that why you left him stranded? You’ve got to be kidding.
Jean stands up and runs his hands through his hair while he swipes back to the message page to complain about your reasons, but as he was going to type a lengthy rant, he stopped himself. If he sent you something complaining about the picture you’d know he was stalking you, so that wasn’t smart. So he left the page and returned to instagram, making sure he was careful not to like the picture and just scroll through his feed until he got bored and turned off his phone to look back at his painting he’s been working on for his upcoming exhibit.
He wasn’t close to done, this painting has taken longer than he expected simply because he’s lacked motivation and imagination. He only chose to paint a certain scenery at school because he found it peaceful and easy. Now though, even if he liked the red he accidently mixed on the canvas, Jean can’t seem to truly be content with his painting.
Painting nature was something simple and serene that most people found beauty in, but how can he be the best with something so simple.
That’s why he stood back and stared at his painting for a long time to try and think of something to do about it. He stared and stared hoping something would come to mind, but nothing hit him but anger out of his own failure.
That anger was quick to rise and it almost made him impulsively tear that canvas. However, right as he was going to stab the paper, a memory hit him that created an idea.
He set the painting back on the easel and backed away with his hands in his hair and his eyes on the painting with a cocky smirk on his face. Now all he felt was motivation and eagerness to work, and those feelings were so overwhelming that he didn’t think twice about the fact that you had brought him that motivation. He was so quick to rework his painting to fit the image in his mind, that the realization that he was creating your eyes out of the nature he had already painted, hit him when he was mixing colors to match your eye color that he remembered vividly. As if he was looking right at it even if all he was basing his reference off of was his memory of you.
He stopped then and turned all red. The idea to stop and just trash the painting was insistent, but what Marco told him once before was more persistent.
“Your motivation is what will keep you going. I say go with it, and who knows maybe something big will be born out of it.”
*YOU. LATER THAT DAY*
Eric: I’m sorry I left so early. I’ll talk with you later.
It’s seven pm now. You left his house at eight in the morning….
“…Y/N…”
At least he remembered to message you.
“Hey….”
Tsk.
“Y/N!”
Something small suddenly hits your head that pulls you out of your thoughts, making you rub your head and complain whilst looking up where it came from. “Ow.”
“It didn’t hurt,” Porco remarks from the top of the ladder. “Pass me that tack.”
You drop your hand and grab a tack from the plastic canister to hand him one before complaining some more. “Why didn’t you just say my name instead of making a mess.” You look up at him pinning on the Frankenstein mask on the styrofoam head, and catch his side eye.
“I did. Three times. You didn’t listen. Move.”
You step back and grab another mask from the box to have it ready for him.
“Besides, it’s not that big of a mess,” he continues to argue.
You groan and lean back on the counter since it was pretty slow at the teashop tonight. “Easy for you to say, you’re not on cleaning duty today.”
Porco rolls his eyes and grabs the last mask off the box even if you had one waiting in your hand.
“Well that’s your own fault for pissing off Levi.” He points out, making your eyebrows scrunch, but not causing you to argue against him.
Rather you pass him a tack after he moves the ladders and climbs them to pin the last mask on the last styrofoam head hanging on the wall. You’re about to comment on the mask in your hand, but you get an idea in mind and walk over to hide behind the bar to put on the mask and call him hiding your caller ID.
Porco picks up quickly out of curiosity to the ‘unknown number’ labeled on the screen, and you stifle your laughter to mock Ghostface’s voice since that’s the mask you’re wearing. “What’s your favorite scary movie?”
There’s silence from Porco so you continue. “You know it’s hazardous picking up the phone—”
He sighs through the phone and hangs up. You chuckle and walk over to him as he’s climbing down.
“Get it?” You ask him whilst you lift your mask over your face to show off your smug grin. “It’s what he says in—”
“Hilarious,” he grumbles with his usual, nonchalant straight face that only makes you laugh more.
“We should watch the movies,” you mention while you turn to close the tack canister. “Maybe you can come over with Marcel and we can have a marathon?”
Porco folds the ladder and carries it back where it belonged.
“Yeah. Sounds cool.” He says once he returns, glancing out the window at the front of the shop and pointing to Eren passing the front doors. “Ten dollars says you’ll scare him.”
You smirk, and lower your mask to run out the side door in the kitchen to beat Eren to your building’s main hall. You then rush to hide in front of the garage door since it was dimly lit and wait for him to walk in.
Once you hear the front door open you jump out without saying anything and scare Eren so much that he screams and yells out a bunch of swears before he throws his phone at you. “FUCKING. BITCH. WHAT THE HELL!”
You catch his phone and catch him running to the stairs out of fear, leaving behind Mikasa at the front door.
“So much for being a hero,” you tease him before breaking into an evil laugh as you lift your mask off your face.
“Nice,” Mikasa compliments you, completely unaffected by your jump scare.
She was even smiling.
Eren steps down the stairs and walks to you to snatch his phone from your hands and look at you with a fuming and annoyed glare. “Aren’t you supposed to be working?” He retorts as he tries to hide how hard he’s breathing.
“I am,” you answer happily. “We decided to put up Halloween decorations early, and well I wanted to have some fun with you.”
Eren huffs and rolls his eyes before walking back to the stairs and throwing you a comment over his shoulder. “You’re annoying.”
Mikasa walks past you and looks back to offer you one last smile.
“I’ll see ya later,” you snap back at him. “Bye Mikasa.” You return to the shop and throw the mask under the register to then high five Porco as he walks by to prepare a tea for a customer. He didn’t need you to tell him that his plan worked, he could read it off your face, and well he heard Eren scream.
The excitement died down after that though. Since it was a slow day there wasn’t much to do but pretend to be busy when a customer would walk in. Overall all you did was wait, make small conversation and watch the clock to wait for closing time.
“Are you going to Reiner’s game tomorrow?” You ask Porco while you wipe the counter.
“Nah,” he says. “I don’t want to. You?”
You shrug. “I’m thinking about it. There’s a party after so I’m thinking of going.”
“Ask Marcel to go with you,” Porco comments as he throws some trash away.
You quickly look over at him to bring up a question that’s been in your mind since Tuesday. “By the way, what did your brother do on Tuesday? I mean it’s rare for him to cancel plans.”
Porco doesn’t face you and walks to the bar without answering. He stays quiet when he returns to the register and makes sure not to face you when he answers. “Who knows.”
You narrow your eyes on him and begin to pick on his strange behavior, but he swiftly changes the subject. “Shops closed, we should clean up and close as soon as we can.”
You hesitate to answer and stay glued to your spot for a few minutes, yet you don’t end up pressing him, you just do as he says and leave that weird tension he seemed to have alone.
——
“And I’m saying come with me.” You press Eren from the kitchen. “You don’t work today, and I’m sure Mikasa would come if you asked!” You drop the pancake on the plate and turn off the stove. “The party will be fun and we won’t have to stay long.”
Eren groans as he walks to the cabinet beside you to grab a plate. “No,” he says bluntly. “Why don’t you ask Marcel? Or Porco?”
You put a pancake on your plate and grab the stack to walk over to the table to sit across Eren’s seat. “I asked Marcel, he’s busy. Again.” You sigh. “Porco doesn’t want to go. Please.” You turn and watch him sit in his seat and set a cup of orange juice beside his plate.
Eren grabs three pancakes and throws them on his plate to then drizzle on syrup before looking up at you and cutting his food all in the meanwhile. “Why would I go to some lame party? Rather stay home. Get high and drunk here with my girl.”
You cut your pancake and begin chewing the piece with anger. “Fine,” you grumble after you swallow the food. “I’ll just go with my other friends.”
Eren scoffs and smirks before pointing at you with his fork. “Which friends?”
You shrug and look down at your food to eat quietly.
“I mean beside me?” He keeps asking. “Or the Galliard brothers?”
You begin to play with your food and think of an answer, but not a single name comes to mind. No matter how hard you think, you didn’t have a genuine friend to mention. How sad was that.
“Historia,” you mumble and shove food in your mouth.
Eren laughs and harshly cuts the food on his plate before answering. “Sure. You know—”
“I know what you’re going to say,” you cut him off. “So why don’t you just choke on your food.”
She’s not really a friend. She’s only an attention seeker. She’s just using you for attention. Blah, blah.
Eren huffs and instead hides his smile behind his hand so as to not further piss you off. You on the other hand just pick up your phone and think of inviting Jean just because he’s the only person you thought of that wasn’t like Historia in Eren’s eyes, but he most likely wouldn’t even answer back after what you did, so that’s a no. Instead you click on Porco’s contact to message him, hoping he’d answer.
You: No to the football game but how about just the party?
You wait for him to answer and eat your food without talking to Eren. You blatantly ignore him and serve yourself another pancake, smiling sweetly at Furlan who joined you for breakfast.
Furlan notices the tension but he knows not to question it, he just eats his breakfast in silence until you direct him a question. “How’s work been?”
“Can’t complain, it’s been okay,” he answers. “How’s school?”
You shrug. “I’m passing by.”
Furlan looks over at Eren and asks him the same question, but you tune out his answer as Porco answers back—Porco: Fine. Let me know when to pick you up.
*LATER*
“You know I’m owed something for coming to Braun’s party.” Porco tells you as he gets out of the car.
You open the car door and while you’re getting out, you can’t help but admire the nice house by the beach he lives in. It wasn’t big, but it was newly built and designed in a modern way with huge windows and white exteriors.
“Did he even win his game?”
“Yeah,” you say whilst you shut the car door and run to join Porco’s side on the grass. “Imagine if he didn’t and he had people over?” You grin and he smirks at the thought whilst you both walk to the front door.
“Some lame pity party is what would happen I imagine. Who makes a party before knowing you’ll win?”
You giggle. “He does.”
Porco grins and pushes your arm. “I bet you’re the first person he invited. What did he say?”
“Oh, yeah,” you laugh and pull out your phone to show him the screenshot. “Look.”
Porco leans towards you and can’t help but let out a teasing chuckle at Reiner’s invitation. “I’d be happy if you came, y/n. You’d make the night better. Winky face.” He laughs harder and throws his head back as you open the front door, letting the music playing inside escape out the door and instantly overwhelm your hearing. Yet all you could do was laugh with Porco as you both walked inside Reiner’s house.
Albeit just as you’re making your way inside, Reiner comes to greet you both with a wide grin. “Y/N. Porco, you guys came!”
Porco clears his throat and nods all seriously, but you see the corner of his lips twitching as he tries not to laugh. You have to bite your cheek since seeing Reiner, and then seeing Porco wanting to laugh made you want to burst out laughing.
“Yeah,” you tell Reiner with a wobbly smile. “Couldn’t miss it. Congratulations by the way, on the win. I’m sorry I couldn’t go.”
“I saved our team last minute with a touchdown,” he shows off with pride. “You should’ve seen me. I was fast.” He smirks at you and Porco has to look away so as to not laugh in his face.
“I’ll catch a reel from someone.” You assure him with a smile that spreads to a grin. “We should go get some drinks now while you…greet your guests.”
“Right!” Reiner shouts. “Right! Again,” he says without looking away from you. “I’m glad you came. I’ll talk to you later.” He begins to walk past you, but stops and turns on his heels to say one last thing. “There’s some drinks that I bought especially for you. Lemonade. Soda. Water. Those little juices that come in pouches? Again, I’m glad you came.”
You grin at him and right when you’re going to answer, Porco says a witty comment. “I mean how can someone so special miss…this? Right? It’d ruin the night. Don’t you think?”
Cluelessly Reiner agrees with Porco in an attempt to flirt with you. “It’d ruin my night.” Without anything else to add, Reiner walks off and leaves you and Porco looking at each other all serious and quiet before you both break into a hearty laugh.
However, as Porco and you made your way to grab drinks in the kitchen laughing your asses off, you missed Jean walking to the living room.
He noticed you the moment you walked in though. You were hard to miss after all. In that tight black dress that you mostly covered with a red sweater that had fur around the low neckline and the end of the sleeves. Now he couldn’t say he was waiting for you, he didn’t know if you’d actually come, but he had looked at the door the exact moment you walked in with that guy. Now he seemed to feel curious over you being here.
He wanted to go to you and demand an answer for your whereabouts yesterday, but he didn’t want to look ridiculous in front of the guy you’re with. So he just let you be and walked to the living room with his friends instead.
“Oh,” you suck in air, “that’s strong, smell it.” You push the cup of some red drink to Porco’s nose and he pulls back in disgust to the strong smell. “What is this?”
“Poison. Don’t drink it.” He remarks and instead grabs himself a beer and hands you a red cup with lemonade. “Let’s go out back where this music isn’t hurting my damn ears.”
Going to the backyard was a tactic to get away from the music and crowd gathering around the drinks, but it was a mistake in the way that your friends were out there. Of course you knew you’d see them, but the moment they saw you, they began to flock around you with some giddy and loud greetings. Historia failed to greet you like the rest, but she didn’t fail to hug you and smile at you. Ymir on the other hand, hung back and just waved lazily at you.
“Where’s your twin brother Porco?” Ymir begins to tease Porco.
Said man scoffs at her reference to Marcel and answers with disdain. “Not here.” He takes a drink from his cup and makes sure to look away from her to throw her a remark. “He’s not my twin. I won’t remind you again.”
You smirk at his response but hide your reaction by looking away and drinking your lemonade.
In that exact moment you did is when you caught Jean Kirstein walking out of the house. He didn’t look over to where you were standing with your group of friends, he seemed busy drinking and talking to two people you’ve seen at school; the brunette girl was even in one of your classes, Sasha you think her name is.
Now you should’ve looked away the moment you caught him, but you let your eyes linger on him, on his black leather jacket he layered over a burgundy turtle neck shirt sweater, you focused on his hair styled back, on his smile—Damn he has a nice smile….
Your heart began to race, but you ignored that feeling and just watched him walk to the bonfire by the beach until Historia began talking to you.
The conversation wasn’t that interesting though, but you still paid attention. The party also wasn’t as entertaining, the music did play loudly from inside the house, the backyard was decorated nicely with hanging lights and torches, Reiner had some good food, but the crowd was pretty bored. No one danced, they just talked amongst themselves inside the house and the backyard. It was until the Dj arrived that the crowd seemed to wake up, but you can’t say they were that hyped over the music so soon, at least not until everyone was drunk or high enough to let loose.
You wished to be part of the crowd dancing along to the music, but Porco said he couldn’t look ridiculous amongst the crowd, no matter how many people were dancing, so you had to watch them have their fun instead. But that got boring too.
“I’m going to get a refill of my drink,” you tell Porco but don’t wait for him to answer and walk off to the kitchen to get more limonade. After you close the back door, the music that played outside didn’t penetrate inside the house whatsoever, it let the music playing inside sound freely and without getting mixed up.
And honestly the music playing inside was better. Once you refilled your cup that same music tempted you towards the living room where it played and where more people danced along to it. Unbeknownst to you whilst you walked towards the archway that led to the living room, Jean passed by behind you; the moment he caught you walking away he changed directions and quietly began following behind you like a lurking shadow.
He wanted to talk to you now that you weren’t being followed, but the moment you stopped to watch those dancing, he caught the man you came with heading towards you. Instead Jean passed beside you, catching your attention and making you stand up straight to watch him walk away instead. Now you were the one that wanted to follow him to apologize, but Porco found you inside before you could.
“You were gone too long, I couldn’t stand them alone.” He complained, causing your eyes to shift away from Jean’s retreating figure and focus on Porco standing beside you.
“It happens,” you say with a teasing smile before turning your body completely to face him with a grin. “Let’s dance.”
Porco shakes his head and looks away from you. “Nope. I’m not Marcel. Go find someone else.”
You set your cup down on a nearby counter and rush to grab Porco’s arm to keep insisting for at least one song. “Come on! Just one song and then we can, I don’t know, leave or go play that cup game they’re playing in the other living room!”
Porco’s stubborn though. “No.”
You sigh, but smirk rather quickly when you think of a way to get him to comply. “Just one dance. Or what, do you not know how?”
Porco’s eyes slide to look at you and he huffs. “I do.”
“It doesn’t seem like you do since you’re here standing all stiffly. You know if it’s skill you lack I can teach you, or Marcel can. But I did always think that twins all know the same thing since you know they’re like connected.”
“Shut up.” He hissed. “Marcel sucks at dancing. And we’re not twins!” He sets his beer down and without saying anything he grabs your hand and pulls you towards the living room where the others danced along to the music.
He stops near the edge of the crowd so he wouldn’t be squished, he grabs both of your hands to start leading you to the beat of the music that’s playing. He kept looking down at his feet the entire time to make sure he wouldn’t step on you though. And that gesture made you giggle.
On contrary to his statement he didn’t know how to dance along to the music, but you didn’t care, you were going with the moment, you were happy he danced with you after saying he wouldn’t because you knew he’d stick to his word if he really, truly wanted to. Yet he got out of his way to dance with you.
However, when the song changed to a more upbeat one that made you dance apart, he stopped and mouthed “let’s go,” since he really didn’t know. But you grabbed his hand as he was walking away and pulled him back.
Porco stayed standing stiffly and just watched as you let go of his hands and began showing him a move. At first he wasn’t going to try, but he groans and copies you.
Seeing him trying made you beam at him, and upon seeing that you began to dance a little faster and step forward expecting him to move back, Porco stumbled towards you instead.
Porco instantly felt apologetic and embarrassed but you laughed it off. He then wanted to walk away, but you grabbed his arm to hook yours with him and swiftly turn him around. He seemed hesitant and lost, but you did it again and rather than walking off he did the same move a bit faster and more repeatedly, completely making you laugh and forget the others around you and every other problem that loomed in your head.
Porco seemed to notice the tension off your shoulders and pulled away to continue dancing with you a bit more freely and a bit more “ridiculously”; you both spun together and apart. He began to let go of that bashfulness he held onto and began to enjoy himself with you. After some time you both began to do your own thing as you laughed together and just had fun dancing; he grabbed your hands and pulled you towards him to dance that way, he pulled away and you just enjoyed each other’s company.
Ultimately you both did stop though, but you had your fun so you didn’t mind anymore.
“We can leave now,” you tell him in between pants. “If you want.”
Porco chugs water and sets the empty bottle down to lock his eyes with yours and show you his disapproval before he speaks it. “No. We’re doing the cup game before. I danced with you, you’re doing that with me.”
“I don’t drink,” you remind him.
He scoffs and shrugs in a cocky manner. “We’ll do the shot at the end. Whoever loses takes a shot, you can fill your cups with cranberry juice or something sour, I don’t care. We’re playing.”
“Only if I can take a shot of something that’s not alcohol,” you keep insisting. “Or else I won’t play.”
Porco nods. “I know that. We’ll play by your rules.”
You smile and without anything else to discuss you both walk over to the other living room where the game was being played, and see Historia and the host were done losing. He noticed the two of you and made sure to loudly point you out. “Porco, y/n! Wanna play!”
“Yes!” You exclaim for Porco. “But—”
“No buts y/n, rules are rules,” Historia cut you off with a sly smile on her lips that made you smile slowly. “Four shots if the losing team doesn’t flip the cups in time.”
She knew of your no drinking rule, and played as if she didn’t know all too deviously. Which is why she suggested that version of the game instead.
“Fine,” you say confidently even if you didn’t like the ideas and wanted to back out, but couldn’t since she’d start shit.
Historia’s smile widens, but you know it’s fake and out of discontent she didn’t want to show. That’s why she bats her eyelashes and sighs as she walks around Reiner to be closer to you.
“Porco,” you say and begin walking to the other side of the table to be across from her. “Let’s win.”
“No,” Historia protests, “he’ll be with me. You can team up with…” she pauses and glances around the people gathered around and lands her eyes on someone behind you. “You. You wanted to play right?” She asks as she props her hands on the table and leans towards the person walking to your side. “Let’s play.” Her eyes shift to you and she smirks a mischievous smirk. “You’ll be a team player right, y/n?”
You sigh and hold her gaze to nod with a smirk of your own. “Let’s play.”
Historia leans back and looks to Ymir so she can place new cups and fill them with sour non-alcoholic drinks, and fill the shot glasses with some cheap tequila. You were too busy passing looks with Porco that you didn’t notice who your partner was until Porco was moved away.
And it’s when you turn your head away from Historia that you notice that she had picked Jean Kirstein to be your partner. Now you got all nervous all too quickly.
You didn’t show it though, you smiled at him and broke your silence. “Hey, Kirstein.”
“Y/N,” he says bluntly.
You smirk and fold your arms over your chest. “We’re not losing, you know that right.”
Jean holds your gaze with this serious look that makes you feel a bit flustered—“No,” he agrees. “We’re not.”
Neither of you look away and you ease your feelings with a smug smile. After that Historia breaks the interaction to begin playing.
Jean started for your team, and Porco started for his. At first Jean was having trouble flipping the cups over on the edge of the table after he would chug his drink. As soon as he got to the last cup, Porco had already finished his drink; he was only trying to flip the cup over to let Historia start her part as the cups got instantly refilled for the next player to go.
“Come on Jean. Come on,” you whisper as you hover too close beside him; to the point your chest was inches from his arm. “HURRY AND DRINK IT!” You shout out of crippling anxiety.
Jean whips his head towards you and points to his filled cheeks and mumbles something with his mouth all full, before setting the cup down to try and flip it over. You press your chest against his arm to watch him struggle, the stress over the game making your nails puncture small crescent shaped cuts in your palms.
However, Jean managed to flip his cup over first by just two seconds. But it was enough for you to run to the other end of the table to start your turn.
Now is when the atmosphere changed to a more eager and excited energy amongst the crowd around the table since Historia and you were facing off now. It made your palms begin to sweat since you felt pressured, and the feeling of Jean watching you, and the sound of him encouraging you to drink your first cup faster made your heart pound since you didn’t want to make him lose because you sucked.
“Come on! Come on!” He yelled before speaking quieter, “you can do it!”
You flip the first cup over successfully and rush to chug the second one. The drink burns your throat, but you surpass it and chug as Historia catches up—and it continues to be a close game even to the last cup.
Now the crowd got louder and you only got more nervous. You chugged the last drink and stole glances at Historia as you both drank the drink until the last drop. She however finished first and set her cup down before you could. She began to try and flip her cup over and you finished the drink on her second failed attempt.
Jean’s breath kept brushing the back of your neck as he watched you quietly and nervously from behind. It made goosebumps grow on your arms, and made it harder for you to try and flip your cup over since he stood so close.
It was hard concentrating mostly because you wanted to well….turn to tell him to step back so his cologne didn’t keep wafting up your nose and completely hypnotize you.
“You can do it. You can do it,” he whispered louder.
“Jean!” You remarked, earning a quiet sorry.
You fix your cup after your third failed attempt, and hold your breath to flip it over. This time the cup landed correctly before Historia could do it.
You didn’t register your win until Reiner announced it. “Y/N, and Jean won!”
A grin slowly spreads on your lips and without thinking you jump up and down happily before squealing and turning to embrace Jean.
He doesn’t think of what was going on so he hugs you back and you both jump together to celebrate your win.
“We won! We won!” You continue with excitement.
As if an instinct, or as if you’ve done it hundreds of times you pull away to face one another, and begin circling one another to share a moment of compliments.
“It’s all because of you!” You say with a grin. “You won us this!”
“No,” Jean rebuttals with a smile and points to you. “It was all you y/n. You did good. You were the one that didn’t hold in your drinks like me.”
You laugh and shrug. “What can I say?”
Jean scoffs lightheartedly and then smirks. “Team effort,”
“We work great together,” you finish for him.
Just as Jean is going to say something else, Historia clears her throat and stops your circling so Jean and you could face her and Porco. “Rematch?”
“No,” Porco protests without letting you speak. “I can’t drink anymore. Two was enough.”
“Aww come on,” Historia says in a sweet voice. “We’ll switch partners and I’ll work with Jean.” She makes sure to look at you when she says his name.
“No,” you breathe out with a fake smile. “It’s okay. We should go anyway.” You look at Jean and offer him a genuine smile. “Good game Kirstein.”
Historia doesn’t fight that and lets you both go with a goodnight.
Once you’re far from the crowd you pat Porco’s shoulder and ask about his current state. “How are you feeling? Want to wait in your car for the alcohol to pass?”
Porco smirks and shakes his head. “Nah, Reiner made sure not to pour any alcohol in my shots. Historia might be stumbling though.”
There’s silence for a moment before you both laugh at the thought as you walk towards his car.
The rest of the car ride was just as lighthearted. None of the problems that filled your head made themselves known for the entire car ride. It was nice. Not worrying over what you held onto, and over Eric.
If only for the night. It made you happy, especially since you had someone else so present in your mind.
*TWO DAYS LATER*
Usually, on the weekends the time you had was for working all day in the teashop, and what was left of the rest of the day was for yourself to catch up on homework.
Eric didn’t like the idea of you working all day on the weekends, but you liked working from opening and to close to keep yourself busy and keep him at a distance. He usually didn’t like coming in because of Levi. On the rare occasions Eric did come to visit you he avoided Levi at all costs and made his visit short.
Today, thankfully, he didn’t pay you a visit, he sent you text throughout the day miraculously, but he chose to see you on Monday instead. He did take forever to respond so it was hard to talk when you could sneak your phone out, or catch a break.
However, whilst on your last minutes of your ten minute break, instead of getting a late answer from Eric, you received a message from Jean.—J: hey
You smile and crouch further down to a horrible posture to answer back—you: what?
Jean doesn’t take long, but it also seems he doesn’t want to answer right away. Even if you could see he read it immediately.
J: For tomorrow do you wanna go somewhere else?
You: If that’s what you want. I don’t mind.
You grab an apple slice and begin to munch on it as he answers back—J: Fine we’ll go somewhere else. Where do you want to go?
You lower your phone and think hard of a place, but nothing comes to mind except for a one lame one.
You: we can go to my parents place, they’re gone for the month so the house is alone. If you want, of course.
Jean answers right away with for reassurance—J: are you sure that’s okay. I don’t want to get you in any trouble with your folks.
You: they won’t mind. They encourage me to visit home anyway, so.
You: But could I ask if you can give me a ride there?
J: No problem
You grin at your phone whilst you take a peek at your watch around your wrist, and stand up when you notice you have to go back—you: Thank you :)
You wait a few seconds for him to reply, but he ends up taking too long and you have to go back so you shut your phone off to shove the phone in your aprons pocket. Albeit, right when you were going to throw it in, suddenly you’re snapped back to that weird place you were at the beginning of the week.
It’s the same sand hills that laid out for miles upon miles. As you looked up out of panic, the same twinkling stars shone over your head, and when you looked behind the same white tree stood in the center of the beautiful yet scary abyss. And also like last time, you were alone.
This time instead of walking towards the tree that had wanted to suck you in last time though, you stayed put in your spot and just panicked from where you stood frozen.
Now, it was easier to note the fact that you couldn’t feel cold, or hot, the temperature was oddly just alright. As silent as it was, it wasn’t a deafening silence that let you hear everything inside your body, or the watch around your wrist. The silence was peaceful, comforting.
The only reason you were fearful was because you didn’t know why you kept being put here when it seemed no one else went through the same thing. It was just you alone in this strange place.
It could be a very relaxing place if it wasn’t for the fear that you were going crazy, and….for the fact that the streaks in the night sky began to glow brightly. The lighting seemed to ripple too and it moved forward towards the tree, making the white hue glow brighter.
The sight was captivating until you began to hear whispers. They were quiet, not distinguishable, but they seemed to come from the tree.
Alas you began to step towards it as if entranced by the voices you heard, but suddenly you were thrown back to reality. Despite that though, when you caught the time in your watch, the hands were pointing to the same time as before. No time passed. The second hand just continued to tick this time.
How fucking weird.
“Y/N,” Levi calls from the front of the break room, breaking you from your trance. “Ten minutes are up….and Uri called me.”
You put your phone away and turn to face him without giving away the fear of what just happened. You just huffed at his comment and responded with a grumble as you walked towards him. “Did he now? He didn’t bother to call me.”
“You wouldn’t answer, that’s why he called me.” Levi grumbles back and follows behind you. “So please stop letting me be your messenger and talk to your father.”
You roll your eyes and sigh, “fine I’ll answer his texts. Sorry about that.”
Before you could return to the counter, Levi stops you to add something not on topic. “I was hoping we could talk too. I don’t work tomorrow. How about we grab something to eat and talk after you’re done tutoring that guy? If that’s something you’re still doing.”
Your eyes flicker to the ground and you begin fiddling with your fingers. You answer with honesty even if you sounded like you dreaded this conversation. “I still do, he gave me a last chance…but I’m going to hang out with Eric…” you cut yourself off there and keep your back facing him, hearing his feet shift and knowing that he was upset over the news.
“It’s okay,” he assures you softly, hiding the sadness in his voice so you couldn’t hear it, but you did and it made you regret bringing up Eric—“we can try some other time. Right?”
You look at him over your shoulder and offer him a sweet smile that’s accompanied with an agreeing nod, and words. “Of course.” You can’t look at him any longer without feeling your heart crack so you turn and return to work.
Unlike Uri and Kenny, Levi held a special place in your heart. When they weren’t with you, he was, every single time, and you’ve been shit to him.
Unlike your fathers, you never wanted to lose your relationship with Levi, you fought so hard to keep him from hating you, even if he was disappointed in you, even if you fought, even if you’ve tried to please Eric by turning your back on Levi, you haven’t once attempted to lose your relationship with him. No matter how rocky your relationship was with Levi. So it hurt having to choose Eric over him, you hated that Eric put you in this position, you hated him.
But you couldn’t bring yourself to leave him either.
Not even if it feels like you’re losing Levi because of Eric. Losing him to the point of no return.
And if you lost Levi….
——
‘1 New Message from J. Delivered 7 hours ago.’
“…No, I haven’t gone home. But I’m going to go there to tutor a friend, is that okay?” You ask Uri over the phone as you throw yourself on the bed after you finish showering and taking an hour to relax.
“You’re tutoring someone?” He asks almost in excitement. “That’s nice. You didn’t say.”
You scoff, “well yeah. You announced you were going on a month-long business trip that same day I got assigned. I got distracted by your lack of acknowledgement, dad.”
“No need to be so hostile over your daddy, y/n!” You hear Kenny tell you in the background, causing you to scrunch your nose and stick your tongue out in disgust over his choice of word. “We were gonna tell you. We got distracted and you got all cold-shouldered like usual.”
“I am sorry about that, little girl,” Uri continues to add on to Kenny’s statement. “We should’ve mentioned it before. But don’t worry it is a business trip. We will be back on the first.”
Your brown cat lies on your chest and you have to push her to your stomach so you could breathe properly, and make sure to reply with resentment. “That’s what you said last time….and you left for five years,” you whisper and pull your phone away from your ear to put him on speaker and answer back to Jean.
“I am sorry,” Uri repeats himself.
J: so what are you up to today?
You smile and reply to him whilst also talking to your father—You: I was working sorry.
“So how is it going?”
Uri sighs and answers right away. It makes you imagine his smile over your simple question. “Boring. But your father is helping cure that boredom with his spontaneous attitude.”
You snicker and smile faintly at the phone. “I bet he is. Just please don’t let him bring home some child. I’m fine being an only child.”
“You’re enough of a headache,” Kenny remarks with a teasing chuckle. “Can’t handle anymore.”
You roll your eyes and Uri laughs, whilst your phone buzzes as Jean’s message comes in—J: oh sorry I didn’t know.
You: but that’s what I’ve been up to. Working.
Jean answers right away—J: Can’t imagine you in a apron and a tray in hand. Truly a sight to see
You laugh and Uri and Kenny think it’s because of them.
“Maybe next time you can tag along!” Kenny shouts, causing Uri to snap back with only his name and a whisper you didn’t catch.
“Kenny….”
Not like you minded, you were busy responding to Jean—You: Well you’ll have to come on Thursday so you can see for yourself ;) I look good in my apron.
“Well sweetheart, we have to leave you. Goodbye, we’ll talk soon.” Uri says and you mindlessly answer back.
“‘Kay bye, I love you.” You hang up the phone and read Jean’s message without thinking of what you said.
J: Only if it’s on the house and you serve me :)
You scoff but smile.
You: come and we’ll see.
J: I will. You have my word, I want to see you
J: see you working
J: I mean see you work because you’re rich you know
Uhh no.
Before you can reply he calls you instead.
“I mean I want to see if it’s true that you work and you just don’t sit there and look pretty all day.”
Pretty? Hmm. I’ll take it.
“Oh.” You smirk and sit up. “I see. So you want to see me look pretty all day?”
There’s silence for a second before he scoffs and just plays it off cool. “You know what I meant.
“Yeah,” you laugh. “I did. So what have you—” you cut yourself off when suddnely you hear Eren’s door slam shut. It makes some things in your room rattle and shake after impact, and it gets you a bit startled but you weren’t brave enough to be curious over his anger.
You’ve learned just to let him steam off when that happens, so you continue to talk to Jean. “….sorry about that, something scared me. Anyway! What have you been up to?”
“I didn’t work today so just working on school work and trying to learn off your notes.” He mentions. “Overall besides that I’ve been just relaxing when I can. How was work?”
Your heart races, and butterflies flutter in your stomach at that question. The simplicity of the question however also leaves you so baffled that you take a moment to answer back. “Uh, it was work. I don’t really mind working, besides my friend works with me today, so it was fun. That’s not including the gross old men that like to ogle and flirt with me.”
Jean huffs and understands your anger. “Spit in their drinks. That’s what they get for being creepy.”
You chuckle and shake your head. “I’m sure it’s something they’d like so maybe cat fur is a nice add on. Or something gross, so they can stop coming.”
“Snot. Cat fur will only get free meals.”
There’s silence before you completely let out your laugh over his comment. “…yeah…” you say between laughs. “That’d be gross enough. And easy enough to hide. I’ll try it, thanks for the idea.”
Jean softly laughs with you and when you’re both quiet he doesn’t hesitate to continue speaking. Only, it’s to end a nice call. “Well y/n, I’ll let you relax. I’m sure you want that. I have to finish some homework and I can’t concentrate when I’m talking with you. We’ll talk tomorrow okay?”
You sigh and nod as if he can see it. “Yeah. Good night Jean.”
“Goodnight y/n.”
——
The next day passed quickly. Before you knew it you found yourself walking to the place Jean and you agreed to meet up in the morning, alongside Eren who was walking in the same direction.
Albeit no words were passed, he was even quiet all morning. It was something everyone noted at breakfast.
“Eren,” you say, “are you okay? You’ve been quiet.” You would’ve mentioned yesterday, but that would only bother him so you leave that out and wait for an answer.
Which he doesn’t give until you’re out of the courtyard and heading towards the parking area.
“Yep.” He deadpans whilst he pulls his hair back to a low sloppy bun. “You’ll be home later?”
You blink and drift your eyes away from him to check the spot where you needed to go, seeing Jean already there. “I won’t get home until later. I’m tutoring Jean at my parents place, and then I’m going to hang out with Eric. Why?”
“Just wondering. You never say where you’ll be, what if something happens,” he argues bitterly, making you stop in your step and forcing him to come to a slow stop to turn back and continue talking. “Don’t you ever consider other people’s feelings? You’re always just up in your head thinking over your abusive ass boyfriend, you never know what’s happening around you.”
You instantly drop your curiosity and begin to worry over his current state, and you’re quick to get angry over what he said. “Look if you’re pissed Eren, you don’t take it out with me.” You spat and point to him as you take a step towards him. “I don’t know what’s up your ass, but you do not talk to me like that.” You look up at him up and down and see that he barely even tried to look presentable. He just threw on the first thing he saw and ran with it. That always meant something.
Or nothing at all. You couldn’t really tell with him like Mikasa can—maybe it’s her. Maybe they’re fighting. He always gets so upset when they’re at odds.
Still, you can’t imagine why he’d be this upset.
“So why don’t you go steam off and talk to me when you’re cool,” you continue and drop your hand whilst you step away. “Why don’t you just take the day off work and go home.”
Eren rolls his eyes and throws his hood over his head to then walk off without a word. You watch him retreat to his car for a minute until his figure gets lost in between cars. You’re hesitant to let him leave with your conversation left as it was, but you also know if he’s still angry, nothing would be solved, there would just be more anger. So instead you walk off to meet up with Jean who instantly had something to say over the conversation he witnessed.
“You okay?” He asks as his eyes seem to go to the sea of cars where Eren had walked off to.
You sigh and nod. “Yeah. It’s just…Eren being a pain in my ass.”
“You know him?” Jean continues to ask while he walks you towards his vehicle.
“Hmm,” you hum. “Very well.”
Jean peers back at you after not catching the sarcasm in your voice. “Oh.”
“Anyway,” you yawn, “you got the address I sent right?”
“Hmm.”
Without adding anything else, you get to his car and that ride was quiet too. It seemed everyone just didn’t feel like talking so much today. Right when you felt alright about the day; Eric was being responsive, none of your friends said anything to annoy you. Your parents didn’t call like they said they would, but over all things were looking out today. Eren’s attitude almost ruined it, but you ignored what he said and just kept trying to let today be an okay day.
“Damn! This is much bigger up close,” Jean muses while he slowly makes his way towards the front door behind you.
Of course you don’t have anything to comment over his impression, so you wait for him inside when you open the door, and insert the security passcode.
“I think…” Jean whispers when he finally steps inside the cold house that began to light up as you continued to walk towards the library. “I’d get lost in here….”
You scoff and smile. “Yeah. I did a few times when I was young.” To avoid having him get anymore distracted, you just avoid giving him a tour of the house and keep him in the library.
“Hey,” Jean finally talks to you instead of just thinking out loud. “So do you have a theater room in this house?”
You look over at him and catch his faint smirk playing on his lips while his eyes seem to glow from his excitement over the house—“no,” you disappoint him. “My dad Kenny says that tv rots your brain so he doesn’t have tvs in the house beside my room, and the living room for when guests come over. He does have cool arcade games though.”
Jean raises a brow over what you said but smiles nonetheless. “Cool. Cool.” He takes his leather jacket off and places it over his seat before continuing with a small smirk. “So you aren’t going to give me a tour of this place?”
You huff, but can’t keep your smile away as you take off your own coat and sit in your own seat to pull out your stuff. “Depends on how you do. If you promise you’ll do good, I just might.”
Jean flashes you a sly grin, but doesn’t respond with anything on what you said, he just sits down and copies what you do to start the tutoring session. And it seems that he really wants that tour, or he just wants to really learn what he needs because he was focused for most of the session, there were times where he began to annoy you and vice versa, but he seemed to be calm this time unlike last time. It was nice.
“You did good,” you compliment him as you shut your computer and look over to him doing the same. “You catch things quickly.”
Jean smirks and answers a bit smugly. “Yeah well, what can I say? I’m smart. I mean I got into the school didn’t I?”
“Yeah,” agree quietly and finish putting away the rest of your stuff to finally bring up something you’ve been meaning to mention. “Jean. I want to apologize for Wednesday.” You exhale slowly and avert your gaze whilst you try to hold yourself from fiddling with your hands. “Uh, I was a complete asshole for flaking on you the way I did.” You swallow thickly and completely drop your gaze even if you could feel his on you. “I didn’t want to, but…uh, things came up, my phone died and I couldn’t make it or let you know. I’m sorry.” You scoot forward in your seat and slowly drift your eyes up to look at him. “Also thank you for giving me a second chance. I do really want to help you.”
Jean scoffs and nods. You think it’s because he’s going to laugh in your face and pick up that you’re lying, but he doesn’t. “Stop saying thank you. You said it hundreds of times already. Once was enough, and uh…” now he averts his gaze, but stays with his body on the edge of his seat. “Even if I can’t say I’m okay with what you did, I do accept your apology. So you can quit apologizing, and let’s just move on, okay?”
You smile and nod with genuine relief and joy. “Thank—okay.”
↪ content; canon universe, description of violence, season 4, reincarnation!au, heavy angst
Was it three? Four? Jean didn’t really count how many years had passed since the last time he saw you. It was the happiest day of his life when he finally married the woman of his dreams, the first love from his previous lifetime, and his forever more in this one, too. How romantic. To love the same person over and over again.
The venue was decorated so prettily, and he wanted to thank you along with his wife for creating such a blast. You were the best wedding organiser out there, at least to him, you were. Ever since he bumped into you inside the antique bookshops, spending about five years with you as a dear friend, he knew he could count on you.
So imagine his surprise when there was only your assistant idling around by the end of the day. With a folder in her hand and a notebook with your handwritten tucked inside. Something for him. Just him, not the others, and of course not for Mikasa.
He needed time to understand the reason. Reading page by page for a bazillion of times since he was afraid he missed some information. He hoped you hinted where you would go or what you were going to do in between the lines as his heart skipped a beat faster. Thinking that maybe you tried to say something.
But even after he read it every day before he fell asleep, Jean learned nothing from it except a little fairy tale that was now engraved in his brain.
There was a little girl. So naïve — not knowing what kind of danger lingered outside the wall.
Walls. Titans. Such a bizarre story you had written there. About survival, friendship, different beliefs and so many more condensed into your notebook. There were some sentences he felt so familiar with, especially when the girl interacted with her best friend. Some promises, the banter and how they teased each other.
Jean had a smile plastered on his face every time he read it, as if he was reminiscing some old memories. One that he could never forget with how precious it was to him.
One that he eventually did without him being aware of it.
“I am ready now.” Turning around, he couldn’t help but wolf-whistle when he saw how gorgeous his wife was. “Do I look good?” She twirled around, raven hair floating in the air as she showed off her emerald body-con dress, hugging her body so perfectly.
“Babe, all men would be jealous of me to have you in my arms.” He let out a small chuckle and pressed a deep kiss on her lips, leaving a wet smack sound when he pulled away. “Let’s go then. I am betting the others are waiting.”
Mikasa Ackerman, now Mikasa Kirstein. The smugness on his face every time he remembered how his friend gawked at him never faltered. Even after years went by, he was still proud of having such a pretty lady to be called as his wife. The days that went by felt like he was newly wed all over again since she never once changed.
Something that made him want to wake up every morning, knowing how perfect his life was. Yes, perfect. But not complete, never complete.
Jean didn’t know what else he needed. He had a wife that loved him so, a stable job in such a prestigious law firm, and an adorable dog that had become their kid for the last couple of years. Marco once told him that maybe he wanted a baby, but even when he knew Mikasa could not bear children, he didn’t feel disappointed at all.
That was what made him decide to travel around the world in his free time. Taking his wife with him as they went on a random journey every time. He tried to find the meaning of life, what could have possibly made him whole. Some said he needed to be grateful. He did, he always did, with what the world had bestowed upon him.
Yet, after a few years went by, and he still had that gap in his days, he ended up taking it as some kind of redemption, perhaps an atonement over his sin in the past life.
“Goodness, is that Sasha?” Mikasa pointed at someone who was now standing in front of the restaurant with her husband, Niccolo, right beside her. “She smuggled something inside her bag. She never changed, Jean.” A small giggle slipped from her lips, followed by a deep chuckle from him as he parked the car.
A reunion. Just a small one in between him, Connie, Sasha, and Marco. The golden quartet, you once said. And the four of them thought it had become a quintet ever since he brought you into his house and introduced you to them. But now, it was back to just them, never once changed as no one actually fitted in as easily as you.
Taking a deep breath, he felt a shiver down his spine the second he was out of his car. Winter was never kind to those who went out, they knew that, but it wouldn’t be them if they were not being stubborn. After all, three years had passed ever since Marco moved to New Zealand, and since he was coming back, they had to celebrate.
The second he went inside the restaurant with his wife, a loud cheer from Connie and Sasha resonated throughout the place, making some pairs of eyes turn to face him. Mikasa could only chuckle at that, always loving the warm atmosphere every time the two rascals were around before she pushed Jean to get them.
He didn’t waste a time and just ruffled his best friends, feeling so light as he felt like this was the only moment he felt almost complete. When their friends surrounded him, tears pricked the corner of their eyes from too much laughing, making fun of each other to no end to the point they were embarrassing each other.
And for a split second, he thought about how everything could be much better if you were still around. If only you were not gone without a trace.
“Starting the reunion without me?” A smooth, angelic tone that belonged to the only sane person in the group stopped them from killing each other. “I thought we were here to celebrate my return. Guess not, huh?”
“Oh, come here Mr Bodt!”
The husband and wives of the quartet knew it was time for them to enjoy their time, giving their loved ones some moment to reminisce about life. Three years wasn’t short for Jean, Marco, Connie and Sasha, who used to spend their time together for probably the first fifteen years of their life since elementary school.
Jean felt like the night was perfect. The fact that one of his best friends returned to Paradis was also a plus. Knowing they could hang out like they used to, having back the routine he once lost, maybe after this, he would feel complete.
And oh, he felt exactly that. He felt in every fibre of his being the second Marco leaned away and cleared his throat to reveal someone else that went with him to the reunion, someone that Jean thought would never see again.
There was you, in all your glory. With the same smile he remembered the last time he saw your face. He couldn’t move his body, lips slightly parted as he thought his eyes deceived him. You were here. You were coming back to them, to his life.
He wasn’t able to grasp whatever Marco said as the ravenette patted your shoulders. His pupil followed you around, looking at how you kissed Sasha’s cheeks and tried to calm her down since she was crying by now. Connie just had his jaw dropped to the ground, saying no way! repeatedly underneath his breath as it grew louder and louder.
You fitted back in so easily. Just like that. Here again as if you never left in the first place. There were so many questions he wanted to ask, so many things he wondered. Jean felt happy, fuming, hurt, all at the same time because he longed to see you, to have you in his life. He had lost you once before. He didn’t want to lose you again.
“Hello, Jean.” You waved your hand in front of his face, snapping him out of his reverie. “How are you? I saw Mikasa before. She’s as pretty as ever! Bet you have been treating her right with how much she glows.”
“Oh, you know me.” Of course you did. He didn’t need to explain or say much since you were the one who knew him best, after all. “I always treat those I love with everything I can give to them, anyway.”
The missing piece of the puzzle appeared out of nowhere. Slipping back into his life and making his time searching for it came to waste. It was you. Always did from the first moment he tugged your wrist. The person who was so important that he felt like he had lost something when you were gone without a trace.
You kept your hands on your lap as you sat beside him, with Marco on the other side as he asked what you wanted to order. Jean couldn’t help himself but pointed at some dishes on the menu, things that he felt so sure you liked. If those four years you went missing didn’t change you, you would pick one of his recommendations.
And the night rolled on without a hitch. No one thought it was weird to see another lady in between the rowdy quartet. Yes, you always belonged there. Not even one spouse thought you weren’t supposed to be among them.
Sometimes Connie and Sasha would ask what you had been doing. After all, even though you could click right in with them so easily, they were still curious about what happened in the vast gap of years they missed you. Whether you were happy, whether you missed them too, whether you found someone —
And when you smiled and glanced in hisdirection. The two immediately kept their lips curled into a soft smile.
They didn’t need to ask more. They understood without you needing to elaborate with words. But Jean? He did. He needed to hear you spell it out for him.
However, when stupid banter and over the top jokes replaced the somewhat serene atmosphere from before, he stopped himself. Maybe he could ask you later when the two of you were alone. You were always more open around him, and he hoped a few years apart didn’t change that part.
It was almost ten, and they were the only crowd who stayed in this restaurant. The only customer left. Marco felt like it was time for them to end the night, much to everyone’s dismay, since tomorrow was Monday anyway.
They had to get enough sleep so they wouldn’t get hazy in the morning for work. At the reminder of that, the rest of the group could only groan and nodded, dispersing to get fresh air since there was some alcohol flowing in their blood.
Jean thanked Mikasa for accompanying him, smiling all the way to his ears when she gave him a kiss and told him she would be the one who drove. It was really nice indeed, a surprising night since he didn’t expect you to be here again, to appear with his best friend and grace him with your presence that was long gone.
Walking towards the balcony, he lit his cigarette to clear his mind. And lady luck seemed to be on his side tonight the moment he saw you leaned in at the railing with a glass of water in your hand.
“I thought you were going home.”
“Hm? Not yet, Jean.”
He leaned his back on the railing, puffing out some greyish smoke into the air. Five feet apart, because he knew you disliked the smell of the burned cigarette.
You didn’t even turn to face him. Not a gesture of surprise could be seen as he stepped inside your space. He wondered what you were thinking, and most importantly, he wanted to know why you came back after all those years.
“I read your notebook every day.” But if he wanted you to tell him everything. He needed to play his card right. “Before I sleep. Every day, ever since I received it.”
Jean didn’t let you question his commitment. Clarifying what he had done for the last four years. He wanted you to know how much your existence meant to him, and how the past years without you there had been consuming him little by little. Even though you were just his best friend, he cherished you as much as he did for his wife.
“I see.” He glanced at you, wanting to see your reaction. You only twirled the mineral water around, not even an ounce of emotion changed your neutral visage. “What do you think, then?”
“It was heartbreaking.”
“Of course. It’s not really about rainbow and—”
“But also nostalgic, in a way.”
Your pupils dilated at his words. There, the exact emotion that he couldn’t fathom. You stopped responding; you stopped whatever words you wanted to say and merely — existed. Hell, sometimes he thought you didn’t even breathe when you were like this. “I wanted to ask you something. No, a lot of things, actually.”
As he took a step closer towards you, it almost made him falter when he saw the way you leaned away. Four years have changed you. He was aware of that. But he still needed you to clarify something, if that was possible. He just needed to know why. He wanted to know what he did wrong for you to leave him in the dust.
Not just him. Connie and Sasha would often ask where you were, and if everything was alright while Marco comforted them. The three of them would be crazy thinking about your whereabouts if only the ravenette didn’t calm them down.
“It’s late, Jean.” You took a deep breath, shutting your eyes for a second there before it laid upon him. “We can talk tomorrow. I am going to move here again so we can catch up anytime we want.” That smile on your face. He frowned when he realised it didn’t reach your eyes. “After all, your wife waited for you, right?”
It felt like he had been in this place before. In the same situation where he was so close to knowing, to learn about something between you and him, and yet it always dispersed into nothing as you assured him he shouldn’t be worried about it.
As if you didn’t want him to know. As if you tried to hinder him from finding out the truth.
“Why did you always push me away…?”
He sounded so broken when he threw the question, and you gaped at how vulnerable the intonation that lingered there. “Do you know something? Have you seen any memories from the past? Is it that badwith me?”
“Jean, no. I—” You wanted to calm him down. Your palm was hovering right in front of his chest, but you stopped yourself. It looked like you were scared to touch him. “I can’t. Please know that I can’t talk about this. There’s a reason and maybe one day you could understand. But I hope you didn’t. I really hope you neverdid.”
“So you actually see the past.” He snorted in disbelief. All those times he tried to tell you about the awakened memories. All those years, he thought you were clueless and just another normal human being. It was a lie. “Then you know? On my wedding day, I was so close to see it through but you didn’t let me, you — you lied to me!”
“Jean!”
“And why is that, huh? Am I turned out to be such a despicable person? Is that the reason you moved away, telling no one about it?!”
“No! You don’t understand! The past few years also tortured me! But I did it because I must evade you, Jean. I did it for you—”
“Everything’s okay?”
The two heads whipped towards the source of the voice. Marco raised one of his eyebrows before scrunching his forehead since he would never have thought to see you and Jean having a heated argument. “It’s late. I think both of you drank too much liquor. If there’s something you both need to talk about, I suggest tomorrow.”
He strode right beside you, standing so close, as if he tried to shield you from Jean. The taller man could only look down at his best friend with disbelief before grumbling a bit underneath his breath.
A ravenette, always a ravenette. The one who blocked him from unravelling his own memory was Mikasa back then, and now it was Marco.
“Fine, then.”
“Good. I am sure Mikasa is waiting for you, too.”
Marco smiled at him, and the tension Jean felt slowly lifted off his shoulder. His best friend was right, he had to go back since Mikasa had been so kind to wait for him. What a perfect woman indeed, and he gave a small nod towards the freckled man.
From your words, you were really going to stay here again. So if by chance he could grab a coffee with you, he would continue this conversation then. Completely sober because he didn’t want to mess things up. “We will see you later, Jean. Goodnight.”
“Yeah, pal. Good—”
“You know, Jean?” He was barely done replenishing the gas for his manoeuvring gear when Marco sat beside him. “I think you are not really in love with Mikasa.”
“What?” Jean stopped what he did. All the shouts of excitement from another cadet were muted as he could only hear his best friend’s voice. Marco had the audacity to have a smirk on his face, not facing him still as he fixed his boots. “Oi, how come you say that?”
“Because it’s the truth. You actually put your heart in your sleeve, Jean.”
Jean immediately stood from where he sat, forcing the freckled boy to look at him because of his abrupt movement. He didn’t know where the ravenette got that idea from. And surely he didn’t expect him to say it now when they were going to climb back on top of the wall after retaking the headquarters. Couldn’t he wait to discuss this? Something as — important as his heart?
“No, I am not.” He jutted his lips out, something that only elicited a chuckle from his best friend. Something that made Jean scowl even more now. “I adore her entire existence, Marco. She is the prettiest woman out there. So brave and the greatest soldier in our ranks. Shit, even when all she could think of was Eren, I still want her!”
“Are you really?” Those light brown orbs fixated on someone behind him, one that he immediately followed since he wanted to know what Marco had been trying to say to him.
Sasha slumped herself towards you, practically crying and wailed some gratitude on your chest. You were not even trying to get her off you, understanding how shocked she would have been since a titan almost got her. If you were not there to kill the one she was assigned to before, maybe Sasha wouldn’t even be here right now.
You and your gentle nature, so nurturing to those around but at the same time could be such a clown around them. Jean only let out a small chuckle at the sight of the two girls, and when you realised he had been looking at you, he could feel his cheeks heated.
But he didn’t look away, not feeling embarrassed that you caught him, not at all.
“I couldn’t really hide things from you, huh, Marco?” He whispered out underneath his breath, just enough for the ravenette to hear him. “Since when did you know about it?”
“Since the first day, maybe.” Turning around, he faced Marco once again, who was now down with the preparation. “You always talked about her, telling me about her stupid antics. And of course, that soft smile on your face, Jean.”
“Yeah, can’t help it when she always makes me feel like I am…” He chuckled. The smile reached his eyes in the middle of this hellish time from just the thought of you. “…whole.”
Jean didn’t want anyone to know, actually. About how he was secretly in love with his best friend, someone who knew him like the back of their hand. He once asked Connie to nudge the idea of him liking you, but the bald boy said you only fake gagged and walked away, a sign that Jean took for him to take a step back.
The world only needed to know that Mikasa Ackerman rejected him. One person was enough. He didn’t need them to know you also did.
“Why do you hide it away, though?”
“Oh, come on, Marco.” His chuckle now turned bitter. “I am not risking what I already have with her.”
Jean swallowed an enormous lump before turning around, beckoning his best friend to follow suit, as he didn’t want to talk about this anymore. With Mikasa, it was fine because they started as strangers. But with you? He clicked with your mind and taste in joke, practically chose you as his ally since day one he saw you tamed Sasha.
He didn’t want to throw the dice, wondering if maybe he could have more with you. So he decided to just love Mikasa, continuing his admiration while still keeping you close.
Because he was aware, he wouldn’t feel complete without you in his life.
Jean sucked a deep breath, not believing himself or what he just saw. Everything, everything. It felt like time stopped as all the memories from his past life came into him. Not just a glimpse, not just a spark or anything he had seen before when he was with Mikasa or anyone else he met before.
It was just a playful pat from Marco on his shoulder, but he swore it made his legs wobble for a second there as if the freckled man tried to push him off the balcony. He couldn’t breathe, not knowing where the oxygen in his lungs went with these memories came to him like a hurdle of waves, trying to drown him out.
He wanted to reach out towards you and the ravenette who was already walking away. Marco had his left hand intertwined with yours, practically pulling you away from him and it just — it wasn’t fair and it hurt.
“Hey.”
Jean called out to you, feeling so relieved when you stopped walking and took another look at him. Right now, there was only you in his eyes. You, the one who knew him best, maybe the same or even more than the man who stood behind you.
There were so many things he wanted to say. So many words that were left unsaid after the whirlpool of emotion came crashing down at him. And when you pursed your lips, when he saw tears glossed your eyes despite you tried to keep it at bay, he had a feeling that you knew.
Oh, you knew that he knew.
The promises. What he had said before in the life where the two of you were reckless soldiers, everything went up to the surface after being buried by nature.
So this was the reason you always had some kind of subtle reaction when he talked about Mikasa. This was the reason you ended up moving to another place without telling him, the thing that pushed you to go away and settled your heart somewhere else.
Because you realise the promises had been broken the second he said I do, four years ago, in front of Mikasa Ackerman.
“I promise, I promise I will find you one day.”
He did. He found you here in this lifetime. A place without titan, without the two of you having to be afraid that every moment would be the last.
“We will be happy by then.”
However, it was nothing like the one he had in mine. Not the one youhad been waiting for. The two of you didn’t meet and fall in love, not married to one another and have kids or anything you were supposed to tell him. The house he bought in previous lifetime and this one — it wasn’t for you. Not for you to take a shelter in with him.
He could have that. If only in this life too,he was willing to gamble his friendship with you. Maybe you were the one who had his last name instead of the woman who now waited for him in the driver’s seat.
But the two of you were aware that maybe, no matter what kind of world he resided in, this was how it would end with you.
“Y-Yes, Jean?”
With him to live and fall in love with someone else, and you to stay in his life as nothing more but a dearest friend.
↪ content; canon universe, description of violence, season 4, reincarnation!au, heavy angst
“Will you marry me?”
You stopped putting up the blade on the scabbard when you heard the question from behind you. At this messed up moment, you never expected someone to make such a crucial proposition, not when in a few minutes from now you were ready to board the flying boat, ready to put your life on the line to save the world.
The question echoed at the back of your mind, and you were still debating whether it was a good thing to turn around and acknowledge the marriage proposal you received or just shrugged it off. You were not in a situation to think about something as petty as love, not when one of you probably couldn’t make it out alive from this cruel war.
If the two of you were strolling around Trost like what you used to, you would not hesitate to face him. You could imagine yourself with your eyes shining under the bright sunlight, asking what he meant whether he was being serious or just wanted to tease you. And you knew, you would know the answer to his question.
“Don’t joke around at a time like this, Jean.”
But the circumstance you were in right now did not help you to let out the word that you wanted to say. There was no time to be a lovesick woman, there was no time to think about a future that was out of your reach. The thing that you needed to be focused on was for you to give everything you had to fight the founding titan.
You really hoped that he would drop the question and just let you go, because you knew your heart too well, and saying no to him was something that had been a struggle for you ever since the two of you were just stupid brats in the Cadet Corps.
“You know I will never joke about something as important as this.”
No air could fill your lungs at this point, and you felt your legs wobble slightly from the earnest tone that he used. “Hey, just listen to me, okay? Turn around, face me at least if you want to say no. Rejection is something that I have been through my whole life anyway.”
That was it. That was probably the reason you didn’t want to face him. You knew. You were there. Your eyes caught everything for the past years ever since you knew him, and you swore from the bottom of your heart that you would do anything if only he could look at you like how he saw the beautiful, multi-talented ravenette that now was chatting with Armin.
He was not serious with the question, probably he was, but he would never be serious when it came to his own feelings. Him loving you? That was probably the stupidest, deceitful, delusional thing that ever crossed your mind. And you knew the reason why he threw that question at you instead of her.
Because as for now, she only had eyes on someone else, the same person that was trying to commit worldwide genocide, excluding Paradis, the same person that everyone was trying to take down with their blades and guns.
“Why do you want to marry me in the first place, Jean?” You tried as hard as you could not to let your voice waver, still not facing him as you didn’t want to show how pitiful you looked right now. “You would never want to marry me. We fight now and then, we bicker all the time—”
“Because you are the one who knows me best, that’s why.” He cut you off, perhaps still blinded by his own selfishness at this point. You should have known that he would never drop this off so easily, and you could only grit your teeth, not wanting to lash out. “You know me so well, no one else could understand me as much as you do. So please, I-I will love you—”
“Can you even promise that you are going to love me?” You swallowed a huge lump, waiting for his response to such a simple question. Something that never came for the next few seconds. “See, Jean?” Then you turned around, locking your gaze with his as you saw how his pupils widened, probably because he finally saw the tears that streamed down your face. “You couldn’t even promise that you are going to love me back.”
You felt so dumb right now, hands shaking from the feelings that you always buried deep inside your heart. All these years, you always knew your place, you knew you could never be as perfect as the woman that he loved. Yet he just needed to bring it up, to ask something that you wanted nothing but to answer with an excited yes.
If only you didn’t know, if only you could blind yourself from the truth — you would have run to him right now, wrapping your arms around his neck and smashing your lips against his. Something that consistently appeared in your mind with how much you wanted to know how he tasted.
But that was the thing you could never do. You watched on the sideline for the seven years you had known him, knowing how in love he was. Everything was imprinted in your mind, so you knew you could never act like you didn’t notice that he would be ready to give his own life just to save her.
He was standing still from his place, lips parted even though there were no words that rolled down his tongue. You couldn’t blame him, even though he could be such a selfish jerk sometimes, he was someone that would never want to hurt his comrades. Especially not to someone like you who was always there for him through thick and thin.
There were a few pairs of eyes that turned to look at you two, possibly debating if they should intervene or just let everything happen as it was. You knew they were probably only getting worried that there would be a huge fight that could lead to nothing but regret in later days, even so, you didn’t like the non-existent privacy that you had then.
Inhaling the air through your nose, making the salty scent of the ocean tickle your nostrils, you decided to be the one who just let it go. It didn’t matter anyway, no matter how many things you wanted to tell him, there was no alternative future where Jean Kirstein was in love with you.
Therefore, with a heavy heart, you walked past him, leaving him to contemplate alone about his own feelings. He didn’t call out to you, not trying to stop you from walking away, so you knew that he probably understood by now that asking you to marry him was the biggest mistake he ever made in his life.
Although you wished, you really wished in your wildest dream that perhaps someday, you could hear him ask the exact same question to you.
Using an intonation filled with certainty, with his whole heart loving every part of your being.
Your fingertips trailing the white silk napery that was draped neatly on top of a round, wooden table. A smile etched on your face since you knew today would be perfect. Everything was in place, and you couldn’t feel better knowing that the weather was excellent at the moment.
White dress wrapped around your figure, and you felt so beautiful and confident wearing it. Leaving the table where the tall wedding cake was placed before, you sauntered through the venue to greet each guest that you met along the way, with the same smile that never wavered as they congratulated you for today.
You didn’t realise how a pair of molten copper eyes looking at you with pride glinting inside his orbs, praising you internally as he felt so blessed that you were here. From the very first start he met you, he knew there was something about your existence that made him want nothing but to keep you in his life.
He recalled how he bumped into you a few years back in a bookstore, and even though you were ready to slip away from him after muttering a small apology, he couldn’t help himself but grip your wrist, telling you to wait.
And despite the embarrassment that took him from gripping a stranger’s wrist, he thanked himself for not letting you go that easily.
Because now, you had become such an important person in his life, someone that he would always cherish no matter what.
“Is everything ready?”
You flinched when you felt someone’s breath on your ear, making you yelp since you were just done greeting another guest that asked you where to sit.
“Jean!” Turning your head to face him, you whispered-shout at his face before punching his chest lightly, an action that elicited a low chuckle coming from his lips. “What are you doing here? Goodness! The groom shouldn’t wander around the venue like this, you know?”
Your pout always looked so adorable, and that was one of the reasons why he always loved to tease you. He didn’t know why, but he couldn’t have a single day pass without trying to mess with your head. And despite how annoying he could be, you always stayed and gave him your attention.
“You are not supposed to be here either.” He gently flicked your chin, and he let out another chuckle when you hissed from his action.
“Fuck it, Jean. At this point, I ask myself what the meaning of my existence in your life actually is.” You scoffed, rolling your eyes in a mocking tone as you folded your arms in front of your chest. “You always tease me! Why do you even want me here in the first place? I would end up to be—”
“Because you are the one who knows me best, that’s why.”
He swore he could see your pupils dilated slightly from his words, and it made him stop laughing at you, since he saw that emotion inside your eyes all over again. You were always like this sometimes, to suddenly stop talking, stop responding to anything for a few seconds as if your whole life was fleeting through your mind.
But then it was back to normal, and the emotionless facade that you had before now slowly filled with another expression.
“Is that supposed to be a compliment, Jean Kirstein?”
Though somehow, he could sense something from the way you called his name just now. Something that he didn’t know what it was, but it made him scared and oddly nostalgic at the same time.
“Well, it's—”
“Jean! It’s the time!”
A gentle, familiar voice called out to him. And the atmosphere that was built nicely around the two of you suddenly vanished into the thin air. Both of you turned to the source of the voice, finding the beautiful ravenette woman waving in your direction. “Connie is waiting for you in the dressing room!”
“I’ll be there soon, love!”
He waved back, though he didn’t move his feet even until the woman walked away from the scene. Today was his wedding day, and he was supposed to be so thrilled and felt all of the excitement in his heart. In a few minutes from now, the love of his life, his first love and dream girl would be his wife, but at the moment, he didn’t want to leave you alone just yet.
“So, where are—”
“Nevermind, Jean. She called.” You took a few steps backwards, giving him and you a proper gap. But his face never left you as somehow he felt something that rooted him to his place. “Jean, your bride called.” Snapping two fingers in front of his face, he finally could regain himself, and a small nervous chuckle slipped from his lips when he realised that he was daydreaming before.
“Yeah, yeah. My bride, yes.” He cleared his throat, averting your gaze completely since somehow he could not take a look at you. When you saw this, you raised one of your eyebrows, wondering why he stayed here when his bride already called him to prepare himself and wear the wedding suit.
“Don’t tell me you had wedding jitters, Jean.”
“H-Huh? Why would I? Mikasa is perfect, and—”
“And you were always meant to be with her, I know.” You chuckled a little, though it didn’t sound as sincere as usual, but he shrugged it off. “You always told me about it, that you have met her before, perhaps in your previous life, right?” He nodded at that, letting out a long sigh as he swept his hair to the back. “So what’s on your mind? Why are you still standing here with me? You are so close to marrying her again, Jean.”
“I promise, I promise I will find you one day.”
A flicker of memory appeared out of nowhere, something that usually happened only when his fiancée was around. But these days as you helped him plan his wedding day and became his wedding organiser, another part of an unknown memory appeared in his mind, little by little without any concrete context.
And it stressed him out more than anything, because he was afraid that he took a wrong path, or not knowing something that he should have remembered.
“I-I just feel like I have a promise to someone else, I guess.” He swallowed a huge lump, averting his gaze to the side, making him miss the way your eyes watered slightly. “And that someone else, that someone else is you! But I can’t remember what it was, I don’t know—”
“Jean.” You stopped him, resting your palm on his chest as you didn’t want to hear anything else from him. His copper eyes went back towards your face with pupils dilated slightly, wanting to calm himself down. “You don’t have to think about it.” But he didn’t need to try, not with you gazing at him with such tenderness and care that gave him contentment already.
Panting a little, he bit his upper lip since he was still stressed. He really wanted to know what it was, the promise that he made with you and why he said such a thing. There were no other sentences, he could only hear himself saying that to you in his past life, but he didn’t know the reason behind it, making him so anxious.
Though now, you were standing tall before him with a look that he couldn’t quite fathom despite how comforting it was to him. “You know I never remember anything from my past, Jean. Perhaps you promised something because we are friends, whatever it was though, it doesn’t matter.” He didn’t know anymore if you were trying to reassure him or yourself, but he listened to your words and took it all in. “It was nothing, okay? What matters is here, now. In this life where you love her again.”
His fingers gently wrapped around your wrist, subconsciously caressing it as he processed your words. He was a little bit of a hypocrite when he realised that. No matter how many times he didn’t want to get so hung up over the same woman that he loved in his past life, he ended up to be a hopeless romantic, thinking how beautiful it was to recreate something that happened once.
“Yeah, you are right.” He chuckled to let out the awkwardness that he felt before ruffling your hair a little. “You are always right. I am glad you are here in my life.”
Your smile only widened at that, and you couldn’t help but lean in and pressed a platonic kiss on his cheek. You didn’t realise how his body went frozen in place for a moment there, but as you pulled away, he already fixed himself and just gave you a cheeky smile, as if to tease him.
“Now go, go dress yourself to the nines.” You patted his chest one more time before pushing him forward. “Go! You are going to be the happiest man alive!” And he ambled away. Even though a bit unsteady, he kept on going, now with a more stable emotion.
For sure, there was nothing else that he should be worried about. You were here, you would always be here for him, the best friend that never left his side, just like Connie, Marco and Sasha. And he knew you were always right. Anything that happened in his past life didn’t matter.
What mattered was what happened here, now, and that was for him to be the husband of someone he had been in love with for the past few years.
You could only watch his back as he ran to a secured future that he always dreamed of. Standing there alone, you waited until he was gone from your sight, wanting to be there in case he would look back and needing some assurance.
But the second he was gone inside the building, you immediately darted towards the nearest bathroom.
There were a lot of things that happened in your mind right now; you wanted to throw up from the nausea that you felt, you wanted to cry from the lie you had committed to ever since you met him, you wanted to just move to another state and forget that you had a life here.
Although you knew it was not possible, not when your days had been filled with his existence, and even though you would always be the best friend in whatever life you had — you knew you could never erase himself completely.
Locking the bathroom’s door, you immediately collapsed on the seat that was placed in the middle of the room, wanting to calm down as you finally felt your heart break into a million little pieces. After years swallowing down the truth, after years you hid what you knew, the dam broke freely with no one there to fix it.
“Shit! Don’t leave me, please don’t leave me too.” You couldn’t feel anything as your body felt so numb, eyes looking up to the skies that were so clear you couldn’t see any clouds on it. “Hey, hey, look at me.” But then someone tilted your head so you could face him, and you were met with the familiar copper orbs that you always loved to stare at.
It was Jean, your best friend ever since the two of you were in the Cadet Corps. You despised his cocky attitude at first, not liking how he was so hostile toward others. Yet as time went by and you started to get to know him better, he was actually a lot more human than any other person you ever met.
You could feel his finger tucking the strands of hair behind your ear, as if wanting to see you more clearly. At first you were so lost, you didn’t know what happened right now and you wanted nothing but to ask him. But as you felt the excruciating pain at your abdomen, everything replayed at the back of your head.
One of the titan ancestors bit you, hard, and you were pretty sure you would have fallen by now, perhaps crushed underneath the colossal titans who’s currently splat everything in their way. Instead, you were here now in the arms of the man that you loved so much, and you parted your lips, wanting to tell him the words that you wanted to say.
You wanted to do it all. You wanted to scream at him that you have always been in love with him, you wanted to pull his collars and smash your lips with his, you wanted to stay alive and see the world with him and the others.
“Y-Yes.”
But from all the things that you wanted to do, you could only utter that one word, and you hoped he understood the meaning behind it. However, from how his irises widened after that, you were certain that he knew. Tears welled up in his eyes, and for once he didn’t care if he could be killed during this time for wanting to stay by your side at the last minute of your life.
“Listen to me, don’t say anything, just listen to me.” He swallowed a huge lump and held your hand, squeezing it tight since he wanted you to feel that you were not alone. “I am going to find you, in another life, I will. We are going to meet up, fall in love, get married to each other, have kids if you want that, anything you want! Anything, anything you want me to.”
Jean said it all in one take of breath, afraid that you were already gone by now. “I promise, I promise I will find you one day.” And his lips shaped into a thin smile as he saw your peaceful face. “We will be happy by then.” Whispering one last time before hurriedly pressing his lips on yours, giving you the warmth that you always wanted to taste.
You clapped your hands as you stood up from your seat, wearing the best smile that you could offer as you watched him leaning down to kiss her, to kiss the same woman that was fated to be loved by someone as wonderful as him.
Truthfully, you felt like a masochist for wanting to be here. There were a lot of good wedding organisers out there, but he decided to call you, using the same sentence that he chose you because he knew you would never disappoint — that you were the one who knew him best.
He looked so majestic with the white wedding suit wrapped perfectly to compliment his tall figure. You didn’t count how many times you wanted to break down seeing him in white like this, not when you already promised to yourself that you were going to do anything to make him the happiest man alive.
The smile that now radiated from his face, the tears that pricked at the corner of his eyes as he looked at the guest, it was enough sign that you did the right thing.
Even in this life, you knew that he was meant to be with her. When you received tons of miss calls from him a few months after the two of you had become close friends and told you everything about this perfect woman, you already surrendered your own happiness for his.
He sounded so excited that day, gushing at you about this one ravenette he met at the cafe. Someone with the most beautiful hair that he always saw, someone that you knew her name was even without him telling you first.
You listened to him, every single day, about how he wanted to be with her. He told you when he accidentally touched her hand; he felt a spark that felt so nostalgic, and he saw how he was kissing her in perhaps his past life. And when you received such information, when you connected the dots about the things that happened after you die, you immediately set that one goal in your life.
That, whatever happened, he had to get her. She always ended up being the one he loved the most, and there was nothing you could do to change that. Jean never gave any sign that he recognised you either, so you knew there was no point for you to ask him about the promise that he made.
In this life where there were no cruel monsters, you thought perhaps you would find love in the form of him. But it was not possible, not when she was his true love, and you had to accept the fact that you would always just become the woman who knew him best — nothing else but that.
And even though you had to endure the same pain that you felt in your previous life, watching the man that you gave your whole heart to be head over heels with someone else, you regretted nothing.
Because you were sure that you and your heart would make it through, just like you always did from the start.
Genre: smut, pwp for the most part, teensy bit of angst
Warnings: this is filthy, NSFW, minors DNI, BDSM dynamics, emotional manipulation, daddy kink, breeding, unprotected sex, double penetration, oral sex, degradation, praise kink, dacryphilia, dumbification, overstimulation, impact play, choking, threesome, voyeurism, exhibitionism, Eren’s a bit of a dick surprise, surprise
Word count: 4.2k
“I bet you like this, don’t you, whore?” Eren’s long fingers seized your neck, squeezing the sides of your windpipe as he pulled your back flush against his chest. His other hand held a death grip on your hip, guiding your body to meet his thrusts as he fucked up into you from where he sat on the couch. “Bet you want him to walk in here and see this tight little cunt of yours getting stuffed full with my cock, hmm?”
“N-no, Sir,” you mewled breathlessly, closing your eyes to try and focus on not coming undone until you could get his permission, which he’d been denying for so long now. “My pussy s'just for you, Sir.”
His lips curled into a smirk against your shoulder, sinking his teeth in as he tightened his grip on your neck, “Such a good slut today, aren’t you? You really wanna cum, huh? Wanna cream all over this cock?”
“Yes. Yes, please. Wanna cum so bad, Sir,” your voice pitched up into whine, barely hanging on as he continued to pound into you.
“Well that’s really too fuckin’ bad,” his hips stalled, leaving you teetering right on the edge of euphoria that you almost thought he was going to let you taste. “Gonna have to wait a little longer, princess. You can cum when I feel like letting you, got it?”
His lips were roaming your neck, sucking and tugging at the sensitive skin with his teeth as he held your hips in both of his capable hands. Your head lolled to the side, giving him easier access while you suppressed a whimper, not daring to challenge his authority in this situation.
“I see you’re finally learning some self-control,” his words were muffled by the way he spoke, with the skin of your neck between his teeth. He kissed the reddened area, swiping his tongue over salty skin to soothe the love bite. “I might have to reward you for being such a good bitch for me for once.”
“Just wanna cum, Sir, plea–,” you cried out as his hips resumed their assault. This time, two fingers joined his efforts, toying with your clit as his breath fanned over your ear. The sound of keys turning was drowned out by your needy exclamations. Your eyes were snapped shut too tight to see the tall brunette entering the room, the way his eyes widened upon witnessing how easily you were bouncing up and down on top of the man who was now locking eyes with him with a sinister smirk on his face.
“Cum for me, baby,” Eren’s husky command was enough to finally send you tumbling over the edge, blissfully unaware of the third party who had entered the room and was now taking in the sight of your violent orgasm, selfishly unable to look away and entirely unsure of what to do. “Look, babygirl. Daddy’s home,” his dark tone remained hushed, nothing more than a sensual whisper into the shell of your ear as you began drifting down from you high, still bobbing up and down on Eren’s length.
It was so hushed that you weren’t quite sure you caught what he had said, but you opened your eyes anyway, your mouth still slack and spilling forth moan and after groan as you lost yourself in how fucking good you felt after being edged for so long. The shock of seeing his roommate, your friend, standing there, his eyes drinking in every inch of your naked and penetrated body, wasn’t enough to stop the pleasure coursing through you or the sounds that fell from your lips. You jerked momentarily, as if you were trying to stop, to pry yourself away from Eren and into the nearest hiding spot, but you couldn’t. It felt too good, and the way that Jean’s eyes were trained on your pussy, still pulsing and gushing around Eren’s thick cock as it stretched your walls, suddenly seemed so, so hot.
“You wanna play with him, princess?” Eren’s lips feathered kisses between your shoulder blades as he slowed the motion of his hips, whispering against your skin, so that only you could hear his sinful proposition. “I know you do. Consider it your reward for being such a good girl. Go ahead, ask your new Daddy real nice and I bet he’ll fill any hole you ask him too.”
Was this a trick? A test? Some sick joke Eren was playing on the both of you? You didn’t know, but you were still too horny to care. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, after all.
“Daddy,” you mewled, locking eyes with Jean. “Wanna play with you.” Your hands cupped your breasts, massaging them as you grinded your hips on Eren’s, feeling his cock rock inside of you as you begged, “Please, Daddy, can I play with your cock too?”
“Wha-what?” He closed his eyes and shook his head, as if he were trying to wake himself from a dream, but when he opened them again, he saw you, hand now outstretched, looking so desperately at him. He took a cautious step closer, flicking his gaze to Eren to study his face.
“It’s okay, she’s into this kind of shit,” Eren jutted his chin toward you, his hands stilling your hips before smacking your thigh. “Aren’t you, baby?”
You nodded, biting your bottom lip as you stood and reached for Jean’s hand, taking it as you dropped to your knees in front of him.
“Whoa, uh, are you—are you sure about this?” He flashed his palms and as looked down at you, watching you already working to remove his jeans.
“Mhmm,” you hummed in response as your pressed your lip to his now exposed v-line. “Can I taste you, Daddy? Wanna put you in my mouth so bad . .”
He shuddered at your touch, watching intently as your slowly tugged down his pants, boxers and all, until his cock sprung free, bobbing in front of your face.
“Fuck, Daddy,” you licked your lips, squirming in anticipation at the sheer size of it. Eren’s size was more than satisfactory, but this was another level. “It’s so big,” you grabbed his hips, placing soft kisses along his his thigh as you looked up at him through your lashes, “Can I please play with you, Daddy? I’ll be such a good girl, I promise.”
“Oh my God, yes,” his hands ran through your hair before taking a small step back to kick off his bottoms and peel off his shirt. He took his cock in his hand, stroking it a few times before bringing it to your lips, flicking the tip onto your tongue as you exposed it, “Yes, you can baby. Oh fuck, you’re so fucking hot.”
“Grab her hair,” Eren spoke up from his spot on the couch, his eyes settled on the pair of you as he languidly stroked his member. “She’ll be dripping for you in no time if you fuck her face. Little bitch loves it.”
“Mmhmm,” you moaned as you took his length into your mouth, bobbing your head as you stroked him with your hand, spreading saliva along his shaft to help ease him down your throat.
“Holy shit, you’re so fucking good at that, baby,” he groaned, rocking his hips forward into your wet mouth, slowly helping you take his length as he fisted his hands into your hair. “Tap my leg when you need to breathe, okay?”
He took a moment to look down into your eyes, angling your chin up, so he knew you were hearing him. You thought you heard Eren scoff and you missed the way he rolled his eyes, but neither of you paid him any attention. When you nodded in agreement, he began sinking his cock deep into your throat, only hesitating when you gagged, but you pushed further, holding your breath as you took him nearly to the hilt.
His eyes rolled back as he quaked, his whole body shivering in pleasure as he tightened his grip on your hair, holding you there for a moment and then pulling your head back carefully, his cock exiting your lips with a pop as you sucked in a deep breath.
“You’re such a good girl, sweetheart,” he combed his fingers through your hair, guiding your lips back to his length, which you eagerly took into your mouth, eyes fixed on his, wanting to hear more of his sweet praise.
He watched you so intently, his mouth falling open into an ‘O’ as you hollowed your cheeks, fisting his length as you sucked and swirled your tongue around the tip.
“Fuck, fuck,” he held the back of your head, not guiding your motions, but just letting you set your own rhythm as he stared down, mesmerized by the way his cock disappeared into your throat. “FUCK,” his arms tensed, fingers grasping your hair tightly as you managed to suck his entire length down, feeling it fill your airway as you struggled to hold him there, contracting your throat around him.
“That’s my fucking girl,” Eren shifted in his seat, pumping his hand faster as he watched you squirm.
Tears sprung to your eyes as your lungs began to burn, your jaw becoming sore from the position it was in. You tapped at his thigh with two fingers and he immediately let go, cupping your face as you sputtered and panted for air.
“Are you all right?” He held your chin between his thumb and forefinger, “Just catch your breath. It’s okay, babygirl.”
“You’re real fuckin’ sweet aren’t you? In and outta the sack,” Eren stood, waltzing over and grabbing your hair harshly, tearing your gaze from Jean’s kind eyes and bringing them to focus on his cold, unforgiving orbs. “It’s a wonder how a guy like you never manages to bring any bitches home.”
Your throat was suddenly full again, gagging around Eren’s cock as he fully sheathed himself between your lips. Jean’s eyes widened as Eren scrutinized your pathetic expression, tears streaming down your cheeks as your hands braced his hips. He thrusted them forward, fucking into your throat as lewd squelching noises and the sound of you choking and pleading for a breath filled the air.
He finally relented, groaning loudly and yanking your head back by your hair as he smirked over at Jean, “She can take more than you think,” his fingers freed your tresses, opting to trail along your jaw, smearing the saliva pooling around your mouth as you chased your breath. “You wanna be used tonight, baby? Wanna get fucked until you can’t see straight?”
You nodded eagerly, folding your hands into your lap as you stared up at him, completely submissive to his will. Your pussy clenched around nothing, soaked and throbbing from the assault on your throat and his sinful words.
“See?” Eren stepped back, letting Jean take a step closer to you as you shifted your eyes to him, waiting for further instruction. “She’ll do damn near anything you want. I guarantee her pussy’s fucking soaked. Am I right, bitch? Fuckin’ show him how ready you are for that horse cock of his, if you want it so bad.”
You did as you were told, leaning back as you spread your legs, using two fingers to part your folds, swirling them around your entrance as you moaned, teasing yourself by slipping a single finger in. Jean winced, his cock twitching as his watched your ministrations, biting his lip to suppress a moan of his own.
“Fuck her, if you think you can satisfy her,” Eren smirked and took a seat on the smaller sofa, getting comfortable as he returned to stroking his own length.
“C’mere,” Jeans voice was still noticeably softer than Eren’s but it had an air of authority to it this time as he curled two fingers at you, while making his way to the couch.
He sat down, spreading his legs and patting his thighs as you padded over to him. Your hands rested on his shoulders as you straddled his lap, your knees on either side of his body as his cock stood at attention between you. You moved to stroke it, but he stopped you, clasping a hand around your wrist as his fingers slipped between you, reaching up to dip into your slick, groaning as he sank two fingers into you with ease.
“You’re so wet, baby,” he leaned forward, kissing your neck as he whispered, “you want me to fill you up, babygirl? Want me to fill this tight little pussy up, Hmm?”
You nodded, your breath already shaky when you wrapped an arm around his neck to steady yourself as his fingers started fucking up into you, “Please, Daddy.”
“Good girl,” he kissed your temple, swiping his thumb repeatedly over your clit as he rested his forehead against yours, trying to create a more intimate moment for the two of you while Eren groaned at the sight from the other couch. “I’ll make sure you feel good, baby, I promise.”
You felt your cheeks flush, a smile creeping across your face that you were grateful Eren couldn’t see from his angle. Jean tucked himself into the crook of your neck, opposite the side Eren could view, and tugged on your ear with his teeth as he whispered, “You’re beautiful, you know that?”
You took your lip between your teeth, flushing an even deeper shade of crimson that Jean was just able to see before his lips collided with yours, slow and sweet, as he sighed through his nose.
“Jean,” you kissed back needily, mumbling against his lips in a soft whine as he fingers sank deeper inside you.
“Is that his fucking name?” Eren barked and you corrected yourself, tensing against Jean, who grabbed your hip, rubbing his thumb against it as a soothing gesture.
“Daddy,” you whimpered, shifting your hips on top of his, “Please, fuck me, Daddy.”
“C’mere, babygirl,” he retracted his hand from your core, grasping beneath your thighs with two strong hands as he lifted you up and hovered you over his cock. “Go as slow as you need, okay?”
He held your waist as both your arms encircled his neck, pulling your torso closer to his as you captured his lips, kissing him deeply as you felt his tip push into you. You moaned as his tongue began exploring your mouth, his impressively thick cock stretching your walls so tightly around him as he choked out a groan, which became amplified as you clenched around him.
“‘Atta girl, baby, taking that fucking dick like a champ,” Eren growled, a sheen of sweat glistening on his torso as he stroked the head of his dick, eyes glued to the way your cunt was sucking in Jean’s massive cock, your juices dripping along the length that you had yet to take.
“Fuck, it’s so big, Daddy,” you whined, pushing a hand into his hair as you brought your torso flush with Jean, who ran a soothing hand up your spine shushing you quietly as he held the back of your neck.
“You can do it, baby,” he pressed a kiss just below your ear as he subdued the urge thrust upwards into you, closing his eyes tight as he let out a deep grunt when finally took all of him in.
“Oh my God,” you panted, feeling so incredibly full that you almost forgot where you were until his hands caught your hips, slowly guiding them up and down, the sensation driving you absolutely wild as you tightened your grip on his hair. “Faster, please, Daddy. Fuck, you feel so good inside me.”
“Shit, baby,” he complied without hesitation, helping you bounce on his lap, his cock carving space within your walls that you didn’t realize was there to claim. “Such a good fucking girl. You’re so fucking perfect, babygirl. Takin’ me so well like this,” his soft whispers of praise, swallowed by the moans you were exchanging, had you reeling.
His words, coupled with the glorious sensation of him being driven so deep inside you, rendered you useless for anything besides your fluttering pussy. Words failed you, any other thoughts escaped you. All you knew was the feeling of Jean beneath you, muttering such gentle coos of kindness while his hips mercilessly thrusted in time with yours, pushing him up against your womb over and and over and over again until your eyes rolled back, the pressure becoming too much from penetration alone. Your orgasm came on so suddenly that you almost didn’t recognize it’s arrival until you were spasming around him, choking out nonsensical streams of explicatives as your chest heaved, void of breath.
Eren stood, making his way over to you both on the couch as Jean held you tighter, rocking his hips beneath you as he fucked you through your release, his strong arms holding you steady as you lost all your senses.
“You. Lay down,” Eren nodded towards the far side of the couch and Jean reluctantly complied, groaning quietly while he picked up the both of you and turned, laying back as he kept you close to his chest. “Fuck yeah, that’s perfect. Keep fucking her and don’t you dare fucking cum yet, Kirstein.”
Eren settled one knee onto the couch, taking his stance behind you as he gripped your ass with both hands, striking each cheek suddenly, making you cry out as you looked behind you. His face was deceptively soft as he smiled at you, his palms rubbing the marks he’d left, feeling the jiggle of your ass each time Jean thrusted into you.
“You won’t mind if I take this tight little hole of yours, right, princess?” His thumb came to rest against your asshole, the tip of it nearly plunging in each time your hips came back against it. You mewled, watching in excitement as he slowly dipped a finger in, groaning at the slight sting. “Of course you don’t. Dumb little cocksleeve. You want both of your filthy holes stuffed full of cum tonight, don’t you, slut?”
“Yes, Sir,” you breathed, clinging to Jean tighter, whimpering in his ear as Eren added a second digit, slowly stretching your puckered hole with the excess fluid that had pooled around it from your sloppy cunt.
Jean groaned as he watched, moving his hips more slowly until they stilled to allow Eren to line himself up with your other entrance. A long string of saliva stretched from his lips as he spit onto his cock, spreading the fluid across his length as he slowly pushed inside of you.
“Oh, f-fuck,” you stuttered, nails digging into Jean as he hushed you with more of that honeyed praise that you’d come to crave.
“It’s okay, baby. Think of how good it’s gonna feel. You’re doing such a good job, princess.” A large hand started rubbing circles on your back while another tucked beneath your chin. “Hey, look at me.”
Your glassy eyes met Jean’s, a soft cry leaving your lips as he leaned in and swallowed it, kissing you gently as you moaned, feeling the first wave of pleasure hit you as Eren rolled his hips for the first time.
After that, he didn’t give you much more time to adjust. He set a steady pace right away, growling from behind you as he snapped his hips back and forth. Jean held himself still, his hands returned to your hips as he helped you met Eren’s thrusts. He panted heavily beneath you, his cock growing somehow harder inside you as you rocked along his length, a mixture of ‘yes, sir’s and ‘yes daddy’s being pounded out of your mouth and Eren picked up his rhythm.
“You like this, bitch? Like being used like a stupid little fuck toy?” He struck your ass hard, not bothering to wait for a response before he did it again, even harder. “Like feeling useful to me for once, you fucking whore?”
“Yes! Ah—fuck, Sir! Yes, yes, yes,” you propped yourself up by a hand on either side of Jean’s face, shoving your hips back harder against both of their cocks as you begged, teetering on the edge of another orgasm. “C-cum inside me, p-please. Oh, pretty please, Sir. Wan’all your cum, please. Use me, Sir, fucking use me all y’want.”
Jean stared up at your fucked out face, losing his ability to hang out as he exploded inside of you, his hips stuttering as he took over thrusting for you, fucking his hot load deeper into your greedy cunt while Eren’s cock rutted against his inside of you, pulsing as he neared his own high.
“Tell me who fucking owns you, you stupid bitch,” one last harsh strike feel on your behind as Eren’s grip on your ass became brutal, fingers digging into your soft flesh.
“You, Sir!” You yelped, locking eyes with him as you looked back, your mouth hanging open as you struggled to keep your focus while your body wracked with pleasure, sending convulsions through you as you cried out in complete ecstasy.
“You’re damn right.” His eyes fell into a hooded daze as he followed suit, pouring his sticky sweet substance deep into you and thrusting a few more times before he pulled out, marveling at the way it poured back out of you. “Dammit, baby, you look so fuckin’ good like this.”
He leaned down, soothing one cheek with his palm as he pressed a kiss to the other before he sat back on the other end of the couch, allowing you the room to sit up and off of Jean, who held your hand as your legs wobbled. He sprung up to steady you, hands holding your hips as you regained your composure, catching your breath as you stumbled on unsure legs towards Eren, who caught your waist and pulled you down into his lap.
“Thank you, baby,” he smiled, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear as he leaned down to kiss the top of your head while your eyes fluttered closed. “You did so good for us. Gonna help clean you up and take you to bed with me, okay?”
Jean stood and began gathering his clothes, suddenly feeling awkward in his post-nut clarity as he watched your embrace. He felt a twinge of jealousy as he witnessed you nuzzle into Eren’s chest, a small, soft smile on your lips.
“Love you,” it was barely a whisper, but Jean heard you mutter the words against Eren’s neck as you placed a kiss to it, and he wished that he hadn’t.
But more than that, he wished that he hadn’t looked over to see Eren’s smug grin. He was staring straight at Jean, eyes narrowed as he spoke in the softest voice that he had ever heard him use as he drew lazy circles against the skin of your shoulder.
“Love you too, baby.”
Without another word, Eren stood, lifting you and carrying you effortlessly into his bedroom. He laid you down on the bed, pressing a kiss to your cheek as he whispered in your ear that he would be right back to take care of you.
Jean was tugging his boxers back up when Eren reappeared, stepping in front of his door, so that he could quietly close it behind him, lest you should hear what he had to say.
“Did you enjoy yourself?” He seemed almost bored when he asked the question, crossing his arms over his broad chest.
“Uh, yeah, guess so,” Jean shrugged, silently wishing that the conversation would end right there.
“Good, I’m glad you had a good time,” he wandered closer, looking disinterested as ever. “ Because, I want you to understand something. Now that you know exactly what you’re missing,” Eren came to stand toe-to-toe with him, eyes hard as he spat his next words. “You should also know that you’ll never have her.”
Jean narrowed his eyes, jaw unhinging to protest, but he was cut off by more of Eren’s venom-laced words.
“Save it. I’ve seen the way you look at her. I’ve heard you moaning her name while you stroke your dick alone in your room like the bitch that you are. I know all the details about your pathetic little crush on her.”
Jean looked away, unable to find the words to counter Eren’s verbal assault, because he couldn’t feasibly deny a single word.
“That’s what I fucking thought. You couldn’t even help yourself from sweet-talking her while I was right fuckin’ there. Well, now you don’t gotta wonder what her cunt feels like anymore. How good she feels pressed up against you. What a good girl she really is. Now you know. I bet she’s everything you hoped for and then some, huh? Sure hope you’re able to get over her for your sake, because if you so much as breathe in her general direction again, I will fucking end you. Got it?”
Jean grit his teeth, shaking with anger, but unwilling to challenge him as Eren stared him down, “Got it.”
With a smug expression, Eren spun on his heel, tossing a half-hearted salute over his shoulder, not bothering to look back at Jean, “Have fun fuckin’ your fist from now on.”
