A/N- it’s a good chapter, I’m proud of it ;) let me know what you thought! Since this is also a cherry au, I’ll say this, this story will not affect Cherry whatsoever!
Warning- Swearing, angst, mentions of alcohol use, LONG CHAPTER! SLOWBURN, talks of death, ptsd and slight mentions of domestic violence
Pairing- Jean Kirstein x reader
(Let me know if you want to me be tagged)
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September Thirtieth. Time: eight twenty-one am. Battery percent fifty-one.
You: I’m sorry about yesterday. Things happened and I couldn’t make it, I wanted to let you know but my phone was dead all day. Can we make it up today?
Jean probably won’t answer anytime soon, or at all, but he needed to know you are genuinely sorry.
He might not believe you. You know you wouldn’t believe it, but from the bottom of your heart you were remorseful. And you truly did plan on making it to tutor him, but things did truly end up happening and you couldn’t go home until the next day.
Hopefully he understands. Even if you aren’t giving him a good reason, the true reason why you weren’t able to go like you agreed.
You probably seem like such a bitch, damn.
Fuck.
You exhale quivers and you stop outside some black gates to glance at your phone screen to see if Jean had answered.
But no, only Eren and Furlan messaged you about a hundred times this morning—you’ll answer them after…you visit Marco.
With that thought out, you put your phone away and hesitate a few minutes outside the black metal gates to contemplate walking in. You’ve only visited him once after the accident, exactly a year after because your therapist said you were ready to face the reality of the outcome. You stayed in front of his grave for about five minutes and just stared at it the whole time before leaving. You haven’t returned ever since, it’s been two years since then. And it’s been three years since he died.
Why exactly did you find yourself at the cemetery right now? Well ever since you were in that trippy place, the memories of him have plagued your mind. Walking to the cemetery early in the morning on your way home is the only time you knew you would be able to force yourself to come.
Completely walking in seems harder than it should be though. Albeit you are able to at least walk past the black gates; but the way to his grave seemed like hundreds miles away, like it was out of reach. Like it was at the end of a dark tunnel that didn’t seem to have an end.
Your heart kept insisting you to move, but your mind…the guilt you carried held you back again. No matter how many sessions you’ve had in therapy, no matter how many times people have told you that you weren’t at fault for his death, you haven’t been able to feel anything else but guilt and grief. Three years has not been enough time to process his death or the accident that caused his unfortunate doom. If you’re honest with yourself, it’s felt like you’ve been stuck these past three years. Life has been a dark recurring endless loop, same thing day after day.
You want to break out of that loop that’s kept you trapped, recently you have felt cracks that let light shine through, but you’re still stuck.
Maybe you do need to talk to your therapist again.
Anyhow, you’re already here, standing on the gravel path. You have a bouquet of flowers in your hand, you don’t need to stay for hours, just put the flowers down and maybe talk for a few minutes and then return home. No biggie.
“I can move my legs and walk there,” you say to yourself, “I can do it.” You glance at the white lilies in your hands and then glance at your path ahead. You continue to contemplate for a few more seconds, but you end that hesitation by drawing in a deep breath and slowly releasing it out of your lungs. “I can,” you say one last time before walking towards Marco’s grave in a confidence that slowly began to dwindle the closer you got.
By the time you were facing his grave that confidence was nonexistent, but you got to where you wanted so all you needed right now was courage to speak and take a step closer.
Yet fear paralyzed you. Only your eyes moved to read Marco’s name on the grey stone over and over again, as if you were trying to understand what you were reading. Everything else around you was blurred, letting you just focus on the sight in front of you, but it wasn’t enough. You could barely breathe normally, your legs cramped, they felt like when an arm or a foot fell asleep; and it began to panic you out of fear that you’d relapse and wouldn’t be able to walk again. You wanted to turn back more than anything, but you kept strong and stayed.
You force yourself to relax, and drop that tension from your shoulders and legs to slowly step forward and crouch down to put the bouquet of flowers in a small vase.
Being in front of his grave wasn’t easy whatsoever but you’re trying. However you couldn’t start with what you truly wanted to say, so you just began with something else instead.
“It’s been a while I know.” You sigh and tuck your hands in your coat pockets. “It’s also early, but well, Eric left before I woke up, like it was some one night stand.” You click your tongue and drop your eyes to the green grass and keep quiet for a few minutes before continuing. “I began talking to this guy. Or, well I began tutoring this guy, his name is Jean Kirstein….he’s uh…cute…very,”
You smile and sit down, finding it easy to talk to him only because you were pushing away what was trapped inside your heart.
“He’s a little bit of an ass, but it’s tolerable. I’ve only talked to him for a bit, but he’s….he’s nice. Sweet. I can tell, you know I’m a good judge of character.” You scoff and pull your hands out to drop them on the grass that was a bit wet due to the morning dew that was still on the ground. “But I think I screwed that up. Eric kept me with him yesterday, he….well we spent time together, so I left Jean deserted. I don’t think he’ll talk to me again. I don’t deserve it.” You stop and your eyes flicker to the stone. “I’ll apologize in person tomorrow when I go to school.”
You sigh and frown as you begin to tear the grass blades off the ground. “I know what you’re going to say…I thought you were going to break up with Eric…I was…I think about it everyday. But…” you pause and clear your throat. “Well…maybe I deserve to be with him. It’s not like he makes me feel any less lonely. Honestly I feel more alone when I’m with him, but maybe I deserve that tough love for what….happened…” You pause again and swallow back that thick lump in your throat that began to grow.
Yet it kept coming back up and it made it hard to continue talking. You didn’t have any water with you so you kept swallowing thickly until you couldn’t anymore, you tried to clear your throat, but it wouldn’t work, you couldn’t make yourself speak another word. No matter how much you strained yourself.
Tears are all that manage to form instead of words. Instead of talking you just punch the ground out of frustration. You stand to your feet and step back from the grave, you keep looking at it in hopes you could keep talking but it was too hard, you were getting too choked up, your chest was too tight and your legs shook too much.
So instead you walk away, with each step seeing your eyesight blur more and more with the tears that cloud your eyes. You feel your throat tighten and your chest only get tighter to the point you were having a hard time breathing. You rushed out the cemetery in hopes you’d feel better, but no matter how far you were getting, or how fast you were walking, you felt the same.
Which is why you thought of calling the first person that came to mind, the person that could bring you some peace of mind, but Eren wouldn’t pick up the phone. You kept calling and holding back the tears that just clouded your eyes, but he wouldn’t pick up the phone. You were alone, walking down the street with tears that you held back finally breaking out and streaming down your cheeks, and silent whispers of words finally traveling out of your lips as well. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault.”
You clench a fist and cover your mouth to silent the sob so those few people you passed wouldn’t question you. Your chest felt a little better, letting you breathe a bit better, but overall you felt terrible.
And getting home wasn’t a relief.
“Y/N?” You hear Levi calling you from the living room.
However, you ignore him and put your hood on and quicken your pace to reach your room without having him see you. “Hey, come here we need to talk.”
You keep quiet and hear him following after you at a quick pace.
“Y/N.”
“Leave me alone,” you retort in hopes he’d listen.
Just as you’re about to reach your door, Levi grabs your arm to turn you around and force this talk on you, but you didn’t want him to see that you were crying so you did the best thing you could so he’d leave you alone for sure.
“I said leave me the hell alone!” You exclaim and yank your arm away to open your door and storm inside to then slam the door shut.
When you were inside behind the locked door, you stayed in front of the door to watch his shadow leave so you could walk to the farthest end of your room and just fall on the floor to ball yourself up by hugging your knees against your chest and crying on the ground.
While you’re on the floor, you reach for the necklace you keep insisting you had, but once again it was missing so you just pressed your forehead against your knees and cry until your phone vibrated.
Thinking it was Eren, you grab it to check, but you see Jean’s contact name instead—J: Dont worry about it. I got your priorities. Consider our thing done I don’t tolerate that shit.
You stop crying, but begin to panic again.
You: No Jean, please. I’m sorry—you send him the message right away, and he takes no time to message you back.
J: I can tell you’re not serious about this so I’ll find someone else. It was nice knowing you y/n.
You jump to your feet and feel anger rise and begin to slowly push away the sadness—you: I REALLY AM SORRY, I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS—you answer right away.
You: I got caught up and I know that’s a shitty excuse but please believe that I am sorry. I really am. It won’t happen again, so please give me one more chance. Just one more chance. I really want to help you.
A few minutes pass and you impatiently wait by staying on the message page as you pace back and forth. You then drop your ass on the seat in front of your window, letting your orange cat jump onto your lap and snuggle up against you.
When the three little typing dots finally appear on the screen, your heart skips a beat and your stomach twists. You abruptly stand from your seat, causing your cat to fall off—“oops I’m so sorry Mr. Darcy.” You apologize to the orange cat who just walks off to lay on your bed.
Finally Jean’s message arrives and your heart skips again—J: One more but if it happens again I’m dropping you for good.
You grin and squeal, forgetting to take your time and answering him right away—good thing he can’t see me.
You: Thank you!
J: I’m busy after school today, and the rest week so we’ll work on my schedule from now on.
You: That’s good! Thank you!
J: Monday same time.
You mindlessly turn around and walk towards your window as you answer him—You: That’s fine. And I’m sorry again. Have a good day. Xoxo.
You shut your phone off and throw it on the seat to fist pump the air out of pure relief and happiness, in that moment hitting your knuckles on the wood and ending that joy with pain and more frustration. “Oh motherfucking shitting wall. Bitch.”
——
*JEAN’s P.O.V*
You: That’s fine. And I’m sorry again. Have a good day. Xoxo.
“Xoxo? What the hell?” Jean mumbles to himself before he begins to think of what to respond with. Not because he found it hard to think of something to tell you, but he didn’t want to look eager or like what you did was okay. Yet he was curious about your whereabouts and the reason you left him stranded and looking stupid in that booth. It had to be good. For your sake.
But again he didn’t want to seem like he was eager, so instead he just swiped away from the message app and sat on his stool as he began to procrastinate. Finding himself on your Instagram page and seeing you had just posted a picture of the glowing theatre sign, in attempts to be aesthetic.
Is that where you were?! Is that why you left him stranded? You’ve got to be kidding.
Jean stands up and runs his hands through his hair while he swipes back to the message page to complain about your reasons, but as he was going to type a lengthy rant, he stopped himself. If he sent you something complaining about the picture you’d know he was stalking you, so that wasn’t smart. So he left the page and returned to instagram, making sure he was careful not to like the picture and just scroll through his feed until he got bored and turned off his phone to look back at his painting he’s been working on for his upcoming exhibit.
He wasn’t close to done, this painting has taken longer than he expected simply because he’s lacked motivation and imagination. He only chose to paint a certain scenery at school because he found it peaceful and easy. Now though, even if he liked the red he accidently mixed on the canvas, Jean can’t seem to truly be content with his painting.
Painting nature was something simple and serene that most people found beauty in, but how can he be the best with something so simple.
That’s why he stood back and stared at his painting for a long time to try and think of something to do about it. He stared and stared hoping something would come to mind, but nothing hit him but anger out of his own failure.
That anger was quick to rise and it almost made him impulsively tear that canvas. However, right as he was going to stab the paper, a memory hit him that created an idea.
He set the painting back on the easel and backed away with his hands in his hair and his eyes on the painting with a cocky smirk on his face. Now all he felt was motivation and eagerness to work, and those feelings were so overwhelming that he didn’t think twice about the fact that you had brought him that motivation. He was so quick to rework his painting to fit the image in his mind, that the realization that he was creating your eyes out of the nature he had already painted, hit him when he was mixing colors to match your eye color that he remembered vividly. As if he was looking right at it even if all he was basing his reference off of was his memory of you.
He stopped then and turned all red. The idea to stop and just trash the painting was insistent, but what Marco told him once before was more persistent.
“Your motivation is what will keep you going. I say go with it, and who knows maybe something big will be born out of it.”
*YOU. LATER THAT DAY*
Eric: I’m sorry I left so early. I’ll talk with you later.
It’s seven pm now. You left his house at eight in the morning….
“…Y/N…”
At least he remembered to message you.
“Hey….”
Tsk.
“Y/N!”
Something small suddenly hits your head that pulls you out of your thoughts, making you rub your head and complain whilst looking up where it came from. “Ow.”
“It didn’t hurt,” Porco remarks from the top of the ladder. “Pass me that tack.”
You drop your hand and grab a tack from the plastic canister to hand him one before complaining some more. “Why didn’t you just say my name instead of making a mess.” You look up at him pinning on the Frankenstein mask on the styrofoam head, and catch his side eye.
“I did. Three times. You didn’t listen. Move.”
You step back and grab another mask from the box to have it ready for him.
“Besides, it’s not that big of a mess,” he continues to argue.
You groan and lean back on the counter since it was pretty slow at the teashop tonight. “Easy for you to say, you’re not on cleaning duty today.”
Porco rolls his eyes and grabs the last mask off the box even if you had one waiting in your hand.
“Well that’s your own fault for pissing off Levi.” He points out, making your eyebrows scrunch, but not causing you to argue against him.
Rather you pass him a tack after he moves the ladders and climbs them to pin the last mask on the last styrofoam head hanging on the wall. You’re about to comment on the mask in your hand, but you get an idea in mind and walk over to hide behind the bar to put on the mask and call him hiding your caller ID.
Porco picks up quickly out of curiosity to the ‘unknown number’ labeled on the screen, and you stifle your laughter to mock Ghostface’s voice since that’s the mask you’re wearing. “What’s your favorite scary movie?”
There’s silence from Porco so you continue. “You know it’s hazardous picking up the phone—”
He sighs through the phone and hangs up. You chuckle and walk over to him as he’s climbing down.
“Get it?” You ask him whilst you lift your mask over your face to show off your smug grin. “It’s what he says in—”
“Hilarious,” he grumbles with his usual, nonchalant straight face that only makes you laugh more.
“We should watch the movies,” you mention while you turn to close the tack canister. “Maybe you can come over with Marcel and we can have a marathon?”
Porco folds the ladder and carries it back where it belonged.
“Yeah. Sounds cool.” He says once he returns, glancing out the window at the front of the shop and pointing to Eren passing the front doors. “Ten dollars says you’ll scare him.”
You smirk, and lower your mask to run out the side door in the kitchen to beat Eren to your building’s main hall. You then rush to hide in front of the garage door since it was dimly lit and wait for him to walk in.
Once you hear the front door open you jump out without saying anything and scare Eren so much that he screams and yells out a bunch of swears before he throws his phone at you. “FUCKING. BITCH. WHAT THE HELL!”
You catch his phone and catch him running to the stairs out of fear, leaving behind Mikasa at the front door.
“So much for being a hero,” you tease him before breaking into an evil laugh as you lift your mask off your face.
“Nice,” Mikasa compliments you, completely unaffected by your jump scare.
She was even smiling.
Eren steps down the stairs and walks to you to snatch his phone from your hands and look at you with a fuming and annoyed glare. “Aren’t you supposed to be working?” He retorts as he tries to hide how hard he’s breathing.
“I am,” you answer happily. “We decided to put up Halloween decorations early, and well I wanted to have some fun with you.”
Eren huffs and rolls his eyes before walking back to the stairs and throwing you a comment over his shoulder. “You’re annoying.”
Mikasa walks past you and looks back to offer you one last smile.
“I’ll see ya later,” you snap back at him. “Bye Mikasa.” You return to the shop and throw the mask under the register to then high five Porco as he walks by to prepare a tea for a customer. He didn’t need you to tell him that his plan worked, he could read it off your face, and well he heard Eren scream.
The excitement died down after that though. Since it was a slow day there wasn’t much to do but pretend to be busy when a customer would walk in. Overall all you did was wait, make small conversation and watch the clock to wait for closing time.
“Are you going to Reiner’s game tomorrow?” You ask Porco while you wipe the counter.
“Nah,” he says. “I don’t want to. You?”
You shrug. “I’m thinking about it. There’s a party after so I’m thinking of going.”
“Ask Marcel to go with you,” Porco comments as he throws some trash away.
You quickly look over at him to bring up a question that’s been in your mind since Tuesday. “By the way, what did your brother do on Tuesday? I mean it’s rare for him to cancel plans.”
Porco doesn’t face you and walks to the bar without answering. He stays quiet when he returns to the register and makes sure not to face you when he answers. “Who knows.”
You narrow your eyes on him and begin to pick on his strange behavior, but he swiftly changes the subject. “Shops closed, we should clean up and close as soon as we can.”
You hesitate to answer and stay glued to your spot for a few minutes, yet you don’t end up pressing him, you just do as he says and leave that weird tension he seemed to have alone.
——
“And I’m saying come with me.” You press Eren from the kitchen. “You don’t work today, and I’m sure Mikasa would come if you asked!” You drop the pancake on the plate and turn off the stove. “The party will be fun and we won’t have to stay long.”
Eren groans as he walks to the cabinet beside you to grab a plate. “No,” he says bluntly. “Why don’t you ask Marcel? Or Porco?”
You put a pancake on your plate and grab the stack to walk over to the table to sit across Eren’s seat. “I asked Marcel, he’s busy. Again.” You sigh. “Porco doesn’t want to go. Please.” You turn and watch him sit in his seat and set a cup of orange juice beside his plate.
Eren grabs three pancakes and throws them on his plate to then drizzle on syrup before looking up at you and cutting his food all in the meanwhile. “Why would I go to some lame party? Rather stay home. Get high and drunk here with my girl.”
You cut your pancake and begin chewing the piece with anger. “Fine,” you grumble after you swallow the food. “I’ll just go with my other friends.”
Eren scoffs and smirks before pointing at you with his fork. “Which friends?”
You shrug and look down at your food to eat quietly.
“I mean beside me?” He keeps asking. “Or the Galliard brothers?”
You begin to play with your food and think of an answer, but not a single name comes to mind. No matter how hard you think, you didn’t have a genuine friend to mention. How sad was that.
“Historia,” you mumble and shove food in your mouth.
Eren laughs and harshly cuts the food on his plate before answering. “Sure. You know—”
“I know what you’re going to say,” you cut him off. “So why don’t you just choke on your food.”
She’s not really a friend. She’s only an attention seeker. She’s just using you for attention. Blah, blah.
Eren huffs and instead hides his smile behind his hand so as to not further piss you off. You on the other hand just pick up your phone and think of inviting Jean just because he’s the only person you thought of that wasn’t like Historia in Eren’s eyes, but he most likely wouldn’t even answer back after what you did, so that’s a no. Instead you click on Porco’s contact to message him, hoping he’d answer.
You: No to the football game but how about just the party?
You wait for him to answer and eat your food without talking to Eren. You blatantly ignore him and serve yourself another pancake, smiling sweetly at Furlan who joined you for breakfast.
Furlan notices the tension but he knows not to question it, he just eats his breakfast in silence until you direct him a question. “How’s work been?”
“Can’t complain, it’s been okay,” he answers. “How’s school?”
You shrug. “I’m passing by.”
Furlan looks over at Eren and asks him the same question, but you tune out his answer as Porco answers back—Porco: Fine. Let me know when to pick you up.
*LATER*
“You know I’m owed something for coming to Braun’s party.” Porco tells you as he gets out of the car.
You open the car door and while you’re getting out, you can’t help but admire the nice house by the beach he lives in. It wasn’t big, but it was newly built and designed in a modern way with huge windows and white exteriors.
“Did he even win his game?”
“Yeah,” you say whilst you shut the car door and run to join Porco’s side on the grass. “Imagine if he didn’t and he had people over?” You grin and he smirks at the thought whilst you both walk to the front door.
“Some lame pity party is what would happen I imagine. Who makes a party before knowing you’ll win?”
You giggle. “He does.”
Porco grins and pushes your arm. “I bet you’re the first person he invited. What did he say?”
“Oh, yeah,” you laugh and pull out your phone to show him the screenshot. “Look.”
Porco leans towards you and can’t help but let out a teasing chuckle at Reiner’s invitation. “I’d be happy if you came, y/n. You’d make the night better. Winky face.” He laughs harder and throws his head back as you open the front door, letting the music playing inside escape out the door and instantly overwhelm your hearing. Yet all you could do was laugh with Porco as you both walked inside Reiner’s house.
Albeit just as you’re making your way inside, Reiner comes to greet you both with a wide grin. “Y/N. Porco, you guys came!”
Porco clears his throat and nods all seriously, but you see the corner of his lips twitching as he tries not to laugh. You have to bite your cheek since seeing Reiner, and then seeing Porco wanting to laugh made you want to burst out laughing.
“Yeah,” you tell Reiner with a wobbly smile. “Couldn’t miss it. Congratulations by the way, on the win. I’m sorry I couldn’t go.”
“I saved our team last minute with a touchdown,” he shows off with pride. “You should’ve seen me. I was fast.” He smirks at you and Porco has to look away so as to not laugh in his face.
“I’ll catch a reel from someone.” You assure him with a smile that spreads to a grin. “We should go get some drinks now while you…greet your guests.”
“Right!” Reiner shouts. “Right! Again,” he says without looking away from you. “I’m glad you came. I’ll talk to you later.” He begins to walk past you, but stops and turns on his heels to say one last thing. “There’s some drinks that I bought especially for you. Lemonade. Soda. Water. Those little juices that come in pouches? Again, I’m glad you came.”
You grin at him and right when you’re going to answer, Porco says a witty comment. “I mean how can someone so special miss…this? Right? It’d ruin the night. Don’t you think?”
Cluelessly Reiner agrees with Porco in an attempt to flirt with you. “It’d ruin my night.” Without anything else to add, Reiner walks off and leaves you and Porco looking at each other all serious and quiet before you both break into a hearty laugh.
However, as Porco and you made your way to grab drinks in the kitchen laughing your asses off, you missed Jean walking to the living room.
He noticed you the moment you walked in though. You were hard to miss after all. In that tight black dress that you mostly covered with a red sweater that had fur around the low neckline and the end of the sleeves. Now he couldn’t say he was waiting for you, he didn’t know if you’d actually come, but he had looked at the door the exact moment you walked in with that guy. Now he seemed to feel curious over you being here.
He wanted to go to you and demand an answer for your whereabouts yesterday, but he didn’t want to look ridiculous in front of the guy you’re with. So he just let you be and walked to the living room with his friends instead.
“Oh,” you suck in air, “that’s strong, smell it.” You push the cup of some red drink to Porco’s nose and he pulls back in disgust to the strong smell. “What is this?”
“Poison. Don’t drink it.” He remarks and instead grabs himself a beer and hands you a red cup with lemonade. “Let’s go out back where this music isn’t hurting my damn ears.”
Going to the backyard was a tactic to get away from the music and crowd gathering around the drinks, but it was a mistake in the way that your friends were out there. Of course you knew you’d see them, but the moment they saw you, they began to flock around you with some giddy and loud greetings. Historia failed to greet you like the rest, but she didn’t fail to hug you and smile at you. Ymir on the other hand, hung back and just waved lazily at you.
“Where’s your twin brother Porco?” Ymir begins to tease Porco.
Said man scoffs at her reference to Marcel and answers with disdain. “Not here.” He takes a drink from his cup and makes sure to look away from her to throw her a remark. “He’s not my twin. I won’t remind you again.”
You smirk at his response but hide your reaction by looking away and drinking your lemonade.
In that exact moment you did is when you caught Jean Kirstein walking out of the house. He didn’t look over to where you were standing with your group of friends, he seemed busy drinking and talking to two people you’ve seen at school; the brunette girl was even in one of your classes, Sasha you think her name is.
Now you should’ve looked away the moment you caught him, but you let your eyes linger on him, on his black leather jacket he layered over a burgundy turtle neck shirt sweater, you focused on his hair styled back, on his smile—Damn he has a nice smile….
Your heart began to race, but you ignored that feeling and just watched him walk to the bonfire by the beach until Historia began talking to you.
The conversation wasn’t that interesting though, but you still paid attention. The party also wasn’t as entertaining, the music did play loudly from inside the house, the backyard was decorated nicely with hanging lights and torches, Reiner had some good food, but the crowd was pretty bored. No one danced, they just talked amongst themselves inside the house and the backyard. It was until the Dj arrived that the crowd seemed to wake up, but you can’t say they were that hyped over the music so soon, at least not until everyone was drunk or high enough to let loose.
You wished to be part of the crowd dancing along to the music, but Porco said he couldn’t look ridiculous amongst the crowd, no matter how many people were dancing, so you had to watch them have their fun instead. But that got boring too.
“I’m going to get a refill of my drink,” you tell Porco but don’t wait for him to answer and walk off to the kitchen to get more limonade. After you close the back door, the music that played outside didn’t penetrate inside the house whatsoever, it let the music playing inside sound freely and without getting mixed up.
And honestly the music playing inside was better. Once you refilled your cup that same music tempted you towards the living room where it played and where more people danced along to it. Unbeknownst to you whilst you walked towards the archway that led to the living room, Jean passed by behind you; the moment he caught you walking away he changed directions and quietly began following behind you like a lurking shadow.
He wanted to talk to you now that you weren’t being followed, but the moment you stopped to watch those dancing, he caught the man you came with heading towards you. Instead Jean passed beside you, catching your attention and making you stand up straight to watch him walk away instead. Now you were the one that wanted to follow him to apologize, but Porco found you inside before you could.
“You were gone too long, I couldn’t stand them alone.” He complained, causing your eyes to shift away from Jean’s retreating figure and focus on Porco standing beside you.
“It happens,” you say with a teasing smile before turning your body completely to face him with a grin. “Let’s dance.”
Porco shakes his head and looks away from you. “Nope. I’m not Marcel. Go find someone else.”
You set your cup down on a nearby counter and rush to grab Porco’s arm to keep insisting for at least one song. “Come on! Just one song and then we can, I don’t know, leave or go play that cup game they’re playing in the other living room!”
Porco’s stubborn though. “No.”
You sigh, but smirk rather quickly when you think of a way to get him to comply. “Just one dance. Or what, do you not know how?”
Porco’s eyes slide to look at you and he huffs. “I do.”
“It doesn’t seem like you do since you’re here standing all stiffly. You know if it’s skill you lack I can teach you, or Marcel can. But I did always think that twins all know the same thing since you know they’re like connected.”
“Shut up.” He hissed. “Marcel sucks at dancing. And we’re not twins!” He sets his beer down and without saying anything he grabs your hand and pulls you towards the living room where the others danced along to the music.
He stops near the edge of the crowd so he wouldn’t be squished, he grabs both of your hands to start leading you to the beat of the music that’s playing. He kept looking down at his feet the entire time to make sure he wouldn’t step on you though. And that gesture made you giggle.
On contrary to his statement he didn’t know how to dance along to the music, but you didn’t care, you were going with the moment, you were happy he danced with you after saying he wouldn’t because you knew he’d stick to his word if he really, truly wanted to. Yet he got out of his way to dance with you.
However, when the song changed to a more upbeat one that made you dance apart, he stopped and mouthed “let’s go,” since he really didn’t know. But you grabbed his hand as he was walking away and pulled him back.
Porco stayed standing stiffly and just watched as you let go of his hands and began showing him a move. At first he wasn’t going to try, but he groans and copies you.
Seeing him trying made you beam at him, and upon seeing that you began to dance a little faster and step forward expecting him to move back, Porco stumbled towards you instead.
Porco instantly felt apologetic and embarrassed but you laughed it off. He then wanted to walk away, but you grabbed his arm to hook yours with him and swiftly turn him around. He seemed hesitant and lost, but you did it again and rather than walking off he did the same move a bit faster and more repeatedly, completely making you laugh and forget the others around you and every other problem that loomed in your head.
Porco seemed to notice the tension off your shoulders and pulled away to continue dancing with you a bit more freely and a bit more “ridiculously”; you both spun together and apart. He began to let go of that bashfulness he held onto and began to enjoy himself with you. After some time you both began to do your own thing as you laughed together and just had fun dancing; he grabbed your hands and pulled you towards him to dance that way, he pulled away and you just enjoyed each other’s company.
Ultimately you both did stop though, but you had your fun so you didn’t mind anymore.
“We can leave now,” you tell him in between pants. “If you want.”
Porco chugs water and sets the empty bottle down to lock his eyes with yours and show you his disapproval before he speaks it. “No. We’re doing the cup game before. I danced with you, you’re doing that with me.”
“I don’t drink,” you remind him.
He scoffs and shrugs in a cocky manner. “We’ll do the shot at the end. Whoever loses takes a shot, you can fill your cups with cranberry juice or something sour, I don’t care. We’re playing.”
“Only if I can take a shot of something that’s not alcohol,” you keep insisting. “Or else I won’t play.”
Porco nods. “I know that. We’ll play by your rules.”
You smile and without anything else to discuss you both walk over to the other living room where the game was being played, and see Historia and the host were done losing. He noticed the two of you and made sure to loudly point you out. “Porco, y/n! Wanna play!”
“Yes!” You exclaim for Porco. “But—”
“No buts y/n, rules are rules,” Historia cut you off with a sly smile on her lips that made you smile slowly. “Four shots if the losing team doesn’t flip the cups in time.”
She knew of your no drinking rule, and played as if she didn’t know all too deviously. Which is why she suggested that version of the game instead.
“Fine,” you say confidently even if you didn’t like the ideas and wanted to back out, but couldn’t since she’d start shit.
Historia’s smile widens, but you know it’s fake and out of discontent she didn’t want to show. That’s why she bats her eyelashes and sighs as she walks around Reiner to be closer to you.
“Porco,” you say and begin walking to the other side of the table to be across from her. “Let’s win.”
“No,” Historia protests, “he’ll be with me. You can team up with…” she pauses and glances around the people gathered around and lands her eyes on someone behind you. “You. You wanted to play right?” She asks as she props her hands on the table and leans towards the person walking to your side. “Let’s play.” Her eyes shift to you and she smirks a mischievous smirk. “You’ll be a team player right, y/n?”
You sigh and hold her gaze to nod with a smirk of your own. “Let’s play.”
Historia leans back and looks to Ymir so she can place new cups and fill them with sour non-alcoholic drinks, and fill the shot glasses with some cheap tequila. You were too busy passing looks with Porco that you didn’t notice who your partner was until Porco was moved away.
And it’s when you turn your head away from Historia that you notice that she had picked Jean Kirstein to be your partner. Now you got all nervous all too quickly.
You didn’t show it though, you smiled at him and broke your silence. “Hey, Kirstein.”
“Y/N,” he says bluntly.
You smirk and fold your arms over your chest. “We’re not losing, you know that right.”
Jean holds your gaze with this serious look that makes you feel a bit flustered—“No,” he agrees. “We’re not.”
Neither of you look away and you ease your feelings with a smug smile. After that Historia breaks the interaction to begin playing.
Jean started for your team, and Porco started for his. At first Jean was having trouble flipping the cups over on the edge of the table after he would chug his drink. As soon as he got to the last cup, Porco had already finished his drink; he was only trying to flip the cup over to let Historia start her part as the cups got instantly refilled for the next player to go.
“Come on Jean. Come on,” you whisper as you hover too close beside him; to the point your chest was inches from his arm. “HURRY AND DRINK IT!” You shout out of crippling anxiety.
Jean whips his head towards you and points to his filled cheeks and mumbles something with his mouth all full, before setting the cup down to try and flip it over. You press your chest against his arm to watch him struggle, the stress over the game making your nails puncture small crescent shaped cuts in your palms.
However, Jean managed to flip his cup over first by just two seconds. But it was enough for you to run to the other end of the table to start your turn.
Now is when the atmosphere changed to a more eager and excited energy amongst the crowd around the table since Historia and you were facing off now. It made your palms begin to sweat since you felt pressured, and the feeling of Jean watching you, and the sound of him encouraging you to drink your first cup faster made your heart pound since you didn’t want to make him lose because you sucked.
“Come on! Come on!” He yelled before speaking quieter, “you can do it!”
You flip the first cup over successfully and rush to chug the second one. The drink burns your throat, but you surpass it and chug as Historia catches up—and it continues to be a close game even to the last cup.
Now the crowd got louder and you only got more nervous. You chugged the last drink and stole glances at Historia as you both drank the drink until the last drop. She however finished first and set her cup down before you could. She began to try and flip her cup over and you finished the drink on her second failed attempt.
Jean’s breath kept brushing the back of your neck as he watched you quietly and nervously from behind. It made goosebumps grow on your arms, and made it harder for you to try and flip your cup over since he stood so close.
It was hard concentrating mostly because you wanted to well….turn to tell him to step back so his cologne didn’t keep wafting up your nose and completely hypnotize you.
“You can do it. You can do it,” he whispered louder.
“Jean!” You remarked, earning a quiet sorry.
You fix your cup after your third failed attempt, and hold your breath to flip it over. This time the cup landed correctly before Historia could do it.
You didn’t register your win until Reiner announced it. “Y/N, and Jean won!”
A grin slowly spreads on your lips and without thinking you jump up and down happily before squealing and turning to embrace Jean.
He doesn’t think of what was going on so he hugs you back and you both jump together to celebrate your win.
“We won! We won!” You continue with excitement.
As if an instinct, or as if you’ve done it hundreds of times you pull away to face one another, and begin circling one another to share a moment of compliments.
“It’s all because of you!” You say with a grin. “You won us this!”
“No,” Jean rebuttals with a smile and points to you. “It was all you y/n. You did good. You were the one that didn’t hold in your drinks like me.”
You laugh and shrug. “What can I say?”
Jean scoffs lightheartedly and then smirks. “Team effort,”
“We work great together,” you finish for him.
Just as Jean is going to say something else, Historia clears her throat and stops your circling so Jean and you could face her and Porco. “Rematch?”
“No,” Porco protests without letting you speak. “I can’t drink anymore. Two was enough.”
“Aww come on,” Historia says in a sweet voice. “We’ll switch partners and I’ll work with Jean.” She makes sure to look at you when she says his name.
“No,” you breathe out with a fake smile. “It’s okay. We should go anyway.” You look at Jean and offer him a genuine smile. “Good game Kirstein.”
Historia doesn’t fight that and lets you both go with a goodnight.
Once you’re far from the crowd you pat Porco’s shoulder and ask about his current state. “How are you feeling? Want to wait in your car for the alcohol to pass?”
Porco smirks and shakes his head. “Nah, Reiner made sure not to pour any alcohol in my shots. Historia might be stumbling though.”
There’s silence for a moment before you both laugh at the thought as you walk towards his car.
The rest of the car ride was just as lighthearted. None of the problems that filled your head made themselves known for the entire car ride. It was nice. Not worrying over what you held onto, and over Eric.
If only for the night. It made you happy, especially since you had someone else so present in your mind.
*TWO DAYS LATER*
Usually, on the weekends the time you had was for working all day in the teashop, and what was left of the rest of the day was for yourself to catch up on homework.
Eric didn’t like the idea of you working all day on the weekends, but you liked working from opening and to close to keep yourself busy and keep him at a distance. He usually didn’t like coming in because of Levi. On the rare occasions Eric did come to visit you he avoided Levi at all costs and made his visit short.
Today, thankfully, he didn’t pay you a visit, he sent you text throughout the day miraculously, but he chose to see you on Monday instead. He did take forever to respond so it was hard to talk when you could sneak your phone out, or catch a break.
However, whilst on your last minutes of your ten minute break, instead of getting a late answer from Eric, you received a message from Jean.—J: hey
You smile and crouch further down to a horrible posture to answer back—you: what?
Jean doesn’t take long, but it also seems he doesn’t want to answer right away. Even if you could see he read it immediately.
J: For tomorrow do you wanna go somewhere else?
You: If that’s what you want. I don’t mind.
You grab an apple slice and begin to munch on it as he answers back—J: Fine we’ll go somewhere else. Where do you want to go?
You lower your phone and think hard of a place, but nothing comes to mind except for a one lame one.
You: we can go to my parents place, they’re gone for the month so the house is alone. If you want, of course.
Jean answers right away with for reassurance—J: are you sure that’s okay. I don’t want to get you in any trouble with your folks.
You: they won’t mind. They encourage me to visit home anyway, so.
You: But could I ask if you can give me a ride there?
J: No problem
You grin at your phone whilst you take a peek at your watch around your wrist, and stand up when you notice you have to go back—you: Thank you :)
You wait a few seconds for him to reply, but he ends up taking too long and you have to go back so you shut your phone off to shove the phone in your aprons pocket. Albeit, right when you were going to throw it in, suddenly you’re snapped back to that weird place you were at the beginning of the week.
It’s the same sand hills that laid out for miles upon miles. As you looked up out of panic, the same twinkling stars shone over your head, and when you looked behind the same white tree stood in the center of the beautiful yet scary abyss. And also like last time, you were alone.
This time instead of walking towards the tree that had wanted to suck you in last time though, you stayed put in your spot and just panicked from where you stood frozen.
Now, it was easier to note the fact that you couldn’t feel cold, or hot, the temperature was oddly just alright. As silent as it was, it wasn’t a deafening silence that let you hear everything inside your body, or the watch around your wrist. The silence was peaceful, comforting.
The only reason you were fearful was because you didn’t know why you kept being put here when it seemed no one else went through the same thing. It was just you alone in this strange place.
It could be a very relaxing place if it wasn’t for the fear that you were going crazy, and….for the fact that the streaks in the night sky began to glow brightly. The lighting seemed to ripple too and it moved forward towards the tree, making the white hue glow brighter.
The sight was captivating until you began to hear whispers. They were quiet, not distinguishable, but they seemed to come from the tree.
Alas you began to step towards it as if entranced by the voices you heard, but suddenly you were thrown back to reality. Despite that though, when you caught the time in your watch, the hands were pointing to the same time as before. No time passed. The second hand just continued to tick this time.
How fucking weird.
“Y/N,” Levi calls from the front of the break room, breaking you from your trance. “Ten minutes are up….and Uri called me.”
You put your phone away and turn to face him without giving away the fear of what just happened. You just huffed at his comment and responded with a grumble as you walked towards him. “Did he now? He didn’t bother to call me.”
“You wouldn’t answer, that’s why he called me.” Levi grumbles back and follows behind you. “So please stop letting me be your messenger and talk to your father.”
You roll your eyes and sigh, “fine I’ll answer his texts. Sorry about that.”
Before you could return to the counter, Levi stops you to add something not on topic. “I was hoping we could talk too. I don’t work tomorrow. How about we grab something to eat and talk after you’re done tutoring that guy? If that’s something you’re still doing.”
Your eyes flicker to the ground and you begin fiddling with your fingers. You answer with honesty even if you sounded like you dreaded this conversation. “I still do, he gave me a last chance…but I’m going to hang out with Eric…” you cut yourself off there and keep your back facing him, hearing his feet shift and knowing that he was upset over the news.
“It’s okay,” he assures you softly, hiding the sadness in his voice so you couldn’t hear it, but you did and it made you regret bringing up Eric—“we can try some other time. Right?”
You look at him over your shoulder and offer him a sweet smile that’s accompanied with an agreeing nod, and words. “Of course.” You can’t look at him any longer without feeling your heart crack so you turn and return to work.
Unlike Uri and Kenny, Levi held a special place in your heart. When they weren’t with you, he was, every single time, and you’ve been shit to him.
Unlike your fathers, you never wanted to lose your relationship with Levi, you fought so hard to keep him from hating you, even if he was disappointed in you, even if you fought, even if you’ve tried to please Eric by turning your back on Levi, you haven’t once attempted to lose your relationship with him. No matter how rocky your relationship was with Levi. So it hurt having to choose Eric over him, you hated that Eric put you in this position, you hated him.
But you couldn’t bring yourself to leave him either.
Not even if it feels like you’re losing Levi because of Eric. Losing him to the point of no return.
And if you lost Levi….
——
‘1 New Message from J. Delivered 7 hours ago.’
“…No, I haven’t gone home. But I’m going to go there to tutor a friend, is that okay?” You ask Uri over the phone as you throw yourself on the bed after you finish showering and taking an hour to relax.
“You’re tutoring someone?” He asks almost in excitement. “That’s nice. You didn’t say.”
You scoff, “well yeah. You announced you were going on a month-long business trip that same day I got assigned. I got distracted by your lack of acknowledgement, dad.”
“No need to be so hostile over your daddy, y/n!” You hear Kenny tell you in the background, causing you to scrunch your nose and stick your tongue out in disgust over his choice of word. “We were gonna tell you. We got distracted and you got all cold-shouldered like usual.”
“I am sorry about that, little girl,” Uri continues to add on to Kenny’s statement. “We should’ve mentioned it before. But don’t worry it is a business trip. We will be back on the first.”
Your brown cat lies on your chest and you have to push her to your stomach so you could breathe properly, and make sure to reply with resentment. “That’s what you said last time….and you left for five years,” you whisper and pull your phone away from your ear to put him on speaker and answer back to Jean.
“I am sorry,” Uri repeats himself.
J: so what are you up to today?
You smile and reply to him whilst also talking to your father—You: I was working sorry.
“So how is it going?”
Uri sighs and answers right away. It makes you imagine his smile over your simple question. “Boring. But your father is helping cure that boredom with his spontaneous attitude.”
You snicker and smile faintly at the phone. “I bet he is. Just please don’t let him bring home some child. I’m fine being an only child.”
“You’re enough of a headache,” Kenny remarks with a teasing chuckle. “Can’t handle anymore.”
You roll your eyes and Uri laughs, whilst your phone buzzes as Jean’s message comes in—J: oh sorry I didn’t know.
You: but that’s what I’ve been up to. Working.
Jean answers right away—J: Can’t imagine you in a apron and a tray in hand. Truly a sight to see
You laugh and Uri and Kenny think it’s because of them.
“Maybe next time you can tag along!” Kenny shouts, causing Uri to snap back with only his name and a whisper you didn’t catch.
“Kenny….”
Not like you minded, you were busy responding to Jean—You: Well you’ll have to come on Thursday so you can see for yourself ;) I look good in my apron.
“Well sweetheart, we have to leave you. Goodbye, we’ll talk soon.” Uri says and you mindlessly answer back.
“‘Kay bye, I love you.” You hang up the phone and read Jean’s message without thinking of what you said.
J: Only if it’s on the house and you serve me :)
You scoff but smile.
You: come and we’ll see.
J: I will. You have my word, I want to see you
J: see you working
J: I mean see you work because you’re rich you know
Uhh no.
Before you can reply he calls you instead.
“I mean I want to see if it’s true that you work and you just don’t sit there and look pretty all day.”
Pretty? Hmm. I’ll take it.
“Oh.” You smirk and sit up. “I see. So you want to see me look pretty all day?”
There’s silence for a second before he scoffs and just plays it off cool. “You know what I meant.
“Yeah,” you laugh. “I did. So what have you—” you cut yourself off when suddnely you hear Eren’s door slam shut. It makes some things in your room rattle and shake after impact, and it gets you a bit startled but you weren’t brave enough to be curious over his anger.
You’ve learned just to let him steam off when that happens, so you continue to talk to Jean. “….sorry about that, something scared me. Anyway! What have you been up to?”
“I didn’t work today so just working on school work and trying to learn off your notes.” He mentions. “Overall besides that I’ve been just relaxing when I can. How was work?”
Your heart races, and butterflies flutter in your stomach at that question. The simplicity of the question however also leaves you so baffled that you take a moment to answer back. “Uh, it was work. I don’t really mind working, besides my friend works with me today, so it was fun. That’s not including the gross old men that like to ogle and flirt with me.”
Jean huffs and understands your anger. “Spit in their drinks. That’s what they get for being creepy.”
You chuckle and shake your head. “I’m sure it’s something they’d like so maybe cat fur is a nice add on. Or something gross, so they can stop coming.”
“Snot. Cat fur will only get free meals.”
There’s silence before you completely let out your laugh over his comment. “…yeah…” you say between laughs. “That’d be gross enough. And easy enough to hide. I’ll try it, thanks for the idea.”
Jean softly laughs with you and when you’re both quiet he doesn’t hesitate to continue speaking. Only, it’s to end a nice call. “Well y/n, I’ll let you relax. I’m sure you want that. I have to finish some homework and I can’t concentrate when I’m talking with you. We’ll talk tomorrow okay?”
You sigh and nod as if he can see it. “Yeah. Good night Jean.”
“Goodnight y/n.”
——
The next day passed quickly. Before you knew it you found yourself walking to the place Jean and you agreed to meet up in the morning, alongside Eren who was walking in the same direction.
Albeit no words were passed, he was even quiet all morning. It was something everyone noted at breakfast.
“Eren,” you say, “are you okay? You’ve been quiet.” You would’ve mentioned yesterday, but that would only bother him so you leave that out and wait for an answer.
Which he doesn’t give until you’re out of the courtyard and heading towards the parking area.
“Yep.” He deadpans whilst he pulls his hair back to a low sloppy bun. “You’ll be home later?”
You blink and drift your eyes away from him to check the spot where you needed to go, seeing Jean already there. “I won’t get home until later. I’m tutoring Jean at my parents place, and then I’m going to hang out with Eric. Why?”
“Just wondering. You never say where you’ll be, what if something happens,” he argues bitterly, making you stop in your step and forcing him to come to a slow stop to turn back and continue talking. “Don’t you ever consider other people’s feelings? You’re always just up in your head thinking over your abusive ass boyfriend, you never know what’s happening around you.”
You instantly drop your curiosity and begin to worry over his current state, and you’re quick to get angry over what he said. “Look if you’re pissed Eren, you don’t take it out with me.” You spat and point to him as you take a step towards him. “I don’t know what’s up your ass, but you do not talk to me like that.” You look up at him up and down and see that he barely even tried to look presentable. He just threw on the first thing he saw and ran with it. That always meant something.
Or nothing at all. You couldn’t really tell with him like Mikasa can—maybe it’s her. Maybe they’re fighting. He always gets so upset when they’re at odds.
Still, you can’t imagine why he’d be this upset.
“So why don’t you go steam off and talk to me when you’re cool,” you continue and drop your hand whilst you step away. “Why don’t you just take the day off work and go home.”
Eren rolls his eyes and throws his hood over his head to then walk off without a word. You watch him retreat to his car for a minute until his figure gets lost in between cars. You’re hesitant to let him leave with your conversation left as it was, but you also know if he’s still angry, nothing would be solved, there would just be more anger. So instead you walk off to meet up with Jean who instantly had something to say over the conversation he witnessed.
“You okay?” He asks as his eyes seem to go to the sea of cars where Eren had walked off to.
You sigh and nod. “Yeah. It’s just…Eren being a pain in my ass.”
“You know him?” Jean continues to ask while he walks you towards his vehicle.
“Hmm,” you hum. “Very well.”
Jean peers back at you after not catching the sarcasm in your voice. “Oh.”
“Anyway,” you yawn, “you got the address I sent right?”
“Hmm.”
Without adding anything else, you get to his car and that ride was quiet too. It seemed everyone just didn’t feel like talking so much today. Right when you felt alright about the day; Eric was being responsive, none of your friends said anything to annoy you. Your parents didn’t call like they said they would, but over all things were looking out today. Eren’s attitude almost ruined it, but you ignored what he said and just kept trying to let today be an okay day.
“Damn! This is much bigger up close,” Jean muses while he slowly makes his way towards the front door behind you.
Of course you don’t have anything to comment over his impression, so you wait for him inside when you open the door, and insert the security passcode.
“I think…” Jean whispers when he finally steps inside the cold house that began to light up as you continued to walk towards the library. “I’d get lost in here….”
You scoff and smile. “Yeah. I did a few times when I was young.” To avoid having him get anymore distracted, you just avoid giving him a tour of the house and keep him in the library.
“Hey,” Jean finally talks to you instead of just thinking out loud. “So do you have a theater room in this house?”
You look over at him and catch his faint smirk playing on his lips while his eyes seem to glow from his excitement over the house—“no,” you disappoint him. “My dad Kenny says that tv rots your brain so he doesn’t have tvs in the house beside my room, and the living room for when guests come over. He does have cool arcade games though.”
Jean raises a brow over what you said but smiles nonetheless. “Cool. Cool.” He takes his leather jacket off and places it over his seat before continuing with a small smirk. “So you aren’t going to give me a tour of this place?”
You huff, but can’t keep your smile away as you take off your own coat and sit in your own seat to pull out your stuff. “Depends on how you do. If you promise you’ll do good, I just might.”
Jean flashes you a sly grin, but doesn’t respond with anything on what you said, he just sits down and copies what you do to start the tutoring session. And it seems that he really wants that tour, or he just wants to really learn what he needs because he was focused for most of the session, there were times where he began to annoy you and vice versa, but he seemed to be calm this time unlike last time. It was nice.
“You did good,” you compliment him as you shut your computer and look over to him doing the same. “You catch things quickly.”
Jean smirks and answers a bit smugly. “Yeah well, what can I say? I’m smart. I mean I got into the school didn’t I?”
“Yeah,” agree quietly and finish putting away the rest of your stuff to finally bring up something you’ve been meaning to mention. “Jean. I want to apologize for Wednesday.” You exhale slowly and avert your gaze whilst you try to hold yourself from fiddling with your hands. “Uh, I was a complete asshole for flaking on you the way I did.” You swallow thickly and completely drop your gaze even if you could feel his on you. “I didn’t want to, but…uh, things came up, my phone died and I couldn’t make it or let you know. I’m sorry.” You scoot forward in your seat and slowly drift your eyes up to look at him. “Also thank you for giving me a second chance. I do really want to help you.”
Jean scoffs and nods. You think it’s because he’s going to laugh in your face and pick up that you’re lying, but he doesn’t. “Stop saying thank you. You said it hundreds of times already. Once was enough, and uh…” now he averts his gaze, but stays with his body on the edge of his seat. “Even if I can’t say I’m okay with what you did, I do accept your apology. So you can quit apologizing, and let’s just move on, okay?”
You smile and nod with genuine relief and joy. “Thank—okay.”
A/N- :) Since this is also a cherry au, I’ll say this, this story will not affect Cherry whatsoever!
Warning- Swearing, angst, THERE IS A SCENE THAT HAS DOMESTIC ABUSE! Please be careful before reading! mentions of alcohol use and drug use, SLOWBURN.
Pairing- Jean Kirstein x reader
(Let me know if you want to me be tagged)
————
“Eric,” you call from the end of the street.
Said man instantly lifts his head and right away that angry look lit furiously in his grey eyes makes your heart begin to race, it makes you slow down your pace so as to not reach him so fast, it makes you tense and go unaware if Jean had actually left.
He didn’t. He stayed in his car that was hidden under the shadow of a tree. He was watching out of curiosity since you looked so frightened all of the sudden.
“Y/N,” Eric says with a huff. “Where the hell have you been?” He walks around his car to meet you at the edge of the sidewalk. “I’ve been waiting for you for hours! It’s fucking cold out here.”
Yeah because that really matters.
You swallow thickly and ignore your disbelief over his stupid question. “I was waiting for you at my parents house. Like we agreed.”
Eric feigns a laugh as he drops his head and nods before stepping towards you when you reach his side of the sidewalk in front of the Teashop. “Do you really think I’m going to believe that?” He lifts his head and his eyes land on you with a serious upset frown on his face. “I told you I was going to pick you up here! And you wouldn’t come out!”
You scoff and pull your head back in disbelief. “You never called! And you never texted me! We agreed yesterday that we would meet up over there because I was going to be there. You left me there. I had to walk back home.” You lied on that last part and hoped that he wouldn’t catch it for Jean’s sake. “I tried calling, I tried texting and you never answered me.”
Eric scoffs and takes another intimidating step towards you. “Well, you must’ve been busy with whoever you were with today because I did send you a message in the afternoon about my change of plans.”
Your eyebrows furrow and the anger that had swept in and mixed with the fear was now also seeming to be mixed with disbelief over how he sounded, because you never received such a message; you would’ve known if he did. And! Why is it his first instinct to accuse you of being with someone else…
You were this time, but it still made no sense how insecure he was.
“If you sent me a message Eric please let me see it,” you stand your ground even if it cost you every ounce of confidence within you. “Because I never received a thing from you.”
Eric throws his hands out and leans his face towards you, causing you to step back. “Are you calling me a liar?” He remarks, throwing drops of spit on your face all in the meanwhile. “Huh? Y/N? Tell me. Why don’t you show me yours to prove that I did send you something.”
You nod and pull out your phone to show him exactly what he wanted to see, but there was nothing but messages he left on seen. “See,” you snap. “Nothing. There’s nothing. Why didn’t you just call me?”
Eric narrows his eyes and stays quiet. He follows by licking his lips and furrowing his eyebrows deeper as his eyes lifted up to pierce into you to counter you. “You must’ve fucking deleted it because I did send you a message. Are you trying to make me look stupid?”
You scoff from the disbelief but you don’t argue, instead you ignore his stupid comment and walk past him to head home with only a dissmisve comment thrown back. “Goodnight Eric. We’ll talk when you’re calm.”
Albeit before you could even walk past the Teashops front window, Eric grabs your wrist and forcefully turns you around to continue arguing. “You’re always trying to fucking leave when we’re talking. We’re not done.”
“I am,” you rebuttal. “You won’t even try to be reasonable so talk to me when you’ve cooled down.” You try to pull your arm away from his grip but he only tightens it and pulls you towards him, making you stumble. Yet he made sure you wouldn’t fall so you’d continue meeting his eyes. “Let go Eric!”
Said man leans his face towards you and continues in a much more threatening voice. “Tell me who kept you so distracted that you’re avoiding my messages huh?” He squints his eyes and grabs your wrists harder now to the point it was hurting. “Was it Porco? Or his brother? Or was it both?”
“What?” You queried softly. “Eric, I wasn’t with them. I just went to do homework at my parents house alone.”
A scowl grows on his features and he keeps pressing that accusation. “You fucking whore. I can’t believe you think I won’t catch you in a lie. You were with them! That’s why you’re lying to me!”
The anger and the disbelief you felt completely disappears and now all that stood was the fear—“No I—”
Before you could finish assuring him that you were being honest, the feeling of his fist hitting you across the face cuts you off right away. It leaves you in disbelief again. It leaves you cold, it leaves you feeling a sharp sting on your face, and it leaves you feeling only the warmth of the blood that ran down your nose whilst your fear heightened.
“Come on lie to me again.” He seethed while he held onto your wrists.
You try to look away and step back, but he just held onto your other wrist and shoved you against the brick wall to keep instigating you. “I don’t want to hit you but you’re always lying to me. Be nice.”
Tears run down your cheeks and you drop your head, but he lets go of one wrist and uses his knuckle to push your chin up so you’d face him against your own desires.
“Oh fucking hell stop fucking crying.” He groaned, “it wasn’t even that hard you little crybaby—”
Right before he could finish the rest of his complaint Eric is suddenly yanked away from you and thrown to the ground. Your eyes instantly follow his flying figure and find the reason why he was so abruptly pulled back. It was Jean, he was now on top of Eric and began punching him as he yelled at him.
“You think you’re so fucking tough hitting your girlfriend you ass!”
You couldn’t even yell at him to stop, nor could you wipe the blood and tears that ran down your face as you stood in shock over what you were witnessing. Who should you even try to help?
Eric hit you, but he was still your boyfriend and Jean kept punching him with no remorse.
But on the other hand, Jean was defending you over what Eric did. He was being nice. You didn’t want him to get hurt.
However, Eric snapped back and shoved Jean off him to reitlate. It took him a second to really land a punch since he stumbled, but Eric swung on Jean and landed a hit. All while you stood unable to do anything but watch with your eyes wide and your mouth agape with words unable to come out.
“Why don’t you mind your own damn business asshole!” Eric bellowed and tried to hit Jean again, but Jean dodged and managed to hit Eric again. But even when he got hit again, Eric didn’t stop, he kept fighting back and landed another strong blow that caused you to finally yell out.
“Eric, leave him alone! You’re hurting him!” You want to walk over to him to stop him by force, but he snaps his head to glare at you and counter in a voice laced with venom.
“Stay out of it bitch, we’ll talk later!”
You freeze in your steps and all you’re able to do is watch almost dumbfounded. In that instant though, because of what Eric just said to you, Jean lunged at Eric and pinned him to the ground again. He kept hitting him, and Eric hit and kicked back, but he didn’t overpower Jean.
Jean was stronger, he seemed more driven as if fueled by his own rage. And it scared you, only because you feared the outcome because Eric wouldn’t give up easily.
That reason alone made you pull your phone to call Eren. And thankfully he picked up quick. “What?”
“Eren,” you cried, “are you home?”
“Y/N?” Eren said in a different tone of voice now that he noticed you were crying. “What’s wrong?”
“Please answer me!”
“I’m home! What’s wrong?!” He bellowed through the phone.
“It’s Eric! He and Jean are fighting outside the shop, please come down. I can’t stop them!”
The call ended right away and all you could do was wait. If you tried to stop either man, you’d end up getting hit so going to them wasn’t the best idea. And well, Eren didn’t take long either, he was quick to come out the building and run towards Jean to pull him off Eric.
“Jean, that’s enough!” Eren shouted, but Jean was quick to protest.
“And let him think it’s fine to hit y/n?!”
Eren’s eyes flickered over to you when he heard the comment.
You quickly avert your gaze however and tilt your head away so he wouldn’t see the blood or the red mark on your face.
“Well he’s learned his lesson, hit him anymore and you’ll kill him idiot,” Eren retorted. “Y/N, get inside.”
You ignore his demand and walk over to Eric who pushed himself to his knees, but right as you were crouching down to help him, he smacked your hand away and spit the blood from his mouth in front of your feet before he remarked your actions.
“Get away from me. I don’t want you to touch me.” He turned his head and made sure you were looking at him as he continued. “Now I know who you were with you fucking liar—”
“No Eric, it’s not like that—”
“Shut up and save your lies, you…” he pauses and looks away whilst he stands up to his feet. “We’re done. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”
You quickly stand up to your feet at the sound of what he said and try to make him take it back, you try to make him listen to reason. “No, Eric, he’s just a friend. I was just tutoring him, please don’t do this,” you plead and begin to walk after him as he heads to his car.
Albeit he spun back and in that moment you flinched, thinking he was going to hit you. Only, he didn’t hit you, he did much worse. “Enough! Never talk to me again. You can be with your fucking man I don’t care anymore! I don’t want you!”
You stay where you are and feel more tears roll down your cheeks, you feel your heart break even more then it was already. Actually it felt like your whole world was falling apart. And he didn’t care or show a sign of remorse. He was just as cold as before. As always actually.
“Eric,” you whimper.
He only ignores you though and shuts his car door after he gets in. He starts his car and just drives off, leaving you on the sidewalk with just tears, pain and heartbreak. Rather than thanking Jean and Eren, you just turn and storm home.
When you walked into the hall before you reached the stairs though, Levi stood there when he caught you rushing in. You locked eyes and you saw him reach his hand out and part his lips to speak, but all you could see was the disappointment on his face even if it wasn’t there, so you just rush past him to run up the stairs to reach the house and then head directly towards your room without saying anything to Furlan, and Isabel standing in the living room.
Once you’re inside your room you shut the door, throw your backpack aside, and throw your shoes off your feet. You wish you could go to bed without having to get out of your uniform and having to wipe off the makeup that was ruined by your tears and the blood, but you knew you’d regret it all the next day, so you got out of your clothes first to change into something comfy to wear to bed. Next you proceed to sit on your vanity and wipe off your makeup with a makeup remover.
The one problem you did have was the blood on your face, you needed water but you didn’t have some in your room to use. And you didn’t want to walk out and risk being bombarded with questions, nor could you look at Levi in the eye or have him help you. You could ask Eren for help, but he’s helped enough.
So instead, you use the same makeup remover and wipe the blood off your face with a new cotton pad, whilst tears streamed down your cheeks and clouded your vision.
You couldn’t even look at your reflection in the mirror clearly due to the tears. Not like you wanted to look at yourself look….absolutely broken. All because you loved the wrong man.
Even if you wanted to break up with him, it really did hurt having him break up with you. He’s been cruel to you, he’s hurt you but it hurt you so deeply that all that you felt was empty. You should feel happy that you didn’t have to endure anymore of what he put you through, but it felt like there was a gap in your chest where he once was.
He ended your eight year relationship with no remorse, he didn’t even think about it, he just blurted it out as if he’s been wanting to do that for months, and left you with nothing.
Part of you hoped he’d regret his decision and call you, but your phone was silent and stayed that way when you finally turned off your light and climbed in bed.
Maybe he’d call in the morning? Once his anger has completely passed.
But morning couldn’t come quicker. Not because it seemed time was moving dreadfully slowly, but because you couldn’t sleep. You stayed under your blankets unable to find the right piece of mind to get at least some sleep.
To others though, it seemed like you were sleeping since you had your back facing the door and you lay still in hopes you could sleep.
“How’s she doing?” You could hear Eren ask the person who had opened the door.
“I don’t know.”
Levi.
“I caught her sleeping so I couldn’t talk to her.” Levi continued to tell Eren.
Yet he didn’t truly know the answer to Eren’s question because he was hesitant to walk in and actually talk to you. He had seen your light on but he walked off and when he came back he watched it go off. Which is why he knew you weren’t asleep like you pretended to be
“I’ll talk to her in the morning then,” Eren said, and Levi agreed, hating the fact that it was so easy for Eren and you to speak. He wished it could be as easy for you two to speak, he wished he could be there for you, but it seemed you were only bothered by his presence so he gave you space.
He’ll give you as much space as you need even if he didn’t know you ached to heal your relationship.
*THE NEXT DAY. JEAN’S P.O.V*
No. Just turn back, she won’t want to talk to me. Just go back home
Jean turns on his heels and marches back to his car, but as he catches a glimpse of his reflection on his window, he’s hit with more guilt than what he already carried. Besides, how could he be such a great person if he failed to check up on you after what he witnessed yesterday—even if you wouldn’t answer his messages.
So he draws in a deep breath and looks up at the shop with his decision made.
Yet, as he breathed out and began to head inside the shop, he did wonder why he was going to check up on you. You did tutor him, but it’s not like he actually thought of you as some friend, especially after what happened on Wednesday last week. Sure, he wanted to kiss you yesterday, he painted you; ON ACCIDENT! but he couldn’t say you were friends, no matter how crazy you drove him when you were close.
It was pity! That’s what it was! He felt pity for you! That’s why he was now inside the shop about to ask the tiny man where you lived so he could give you the bouquet of flowers in his hand.
“Hello, I came here to ask about y/n. I want to talk to her, but I don’t know where she lives.”
The tiny man looked away from the screen in front of him and met Jean’s gaze with such a serious glare that it gave Jean goosebumps.
“It’s not three yet is it?” The tiny man asked Jean.
Jean shook his head and rose the flowers to show him a glimpse as to why he was here.
“Oh,” Levi breathed out and then pointed to the ceiling. “She’s home. Just exit the shop and the building door will be on your left. Take the stairs and you’ll find our house.”
Jean gave his thanks and made a quick exit out of the shop to do as he was instructed, but that’s where the problem was, he couldn’t knock right away, he hesitated.
He should just go back, you wouldn’t want to see him after all. You just got broken up with because of the fight he started, and yes that guy deserved it, but he can’t imagine it’s easy hearing those words.
So with that in mind he did attempt to turn back, but then the door opened and Eren stood there in front of the doorway.
“Jean?” He inquired.
Said man furrowed his eyebrows and scoffed. “Eren. Why are you here?”
Eren looks back at the house and fixes his backpack strap before answering slowly so Jean could understand. “I live here. Wasn’t that obvious yesterday?” He chuckles and looks down the hall. “And well it’s the only house here. Duh.”
Jean’s eyebrows furrowed deeper to express his annoyance and frustration, but he didn’t give into those feelings and just asked for you. “Where’s y/n?”
Eren points his thumb to the hall hidden behind the barrier Jean was still behind.
“She’s in her room,” Eren whispered. “I don’t know if she’ll talk to you though, she hasn’t come out all morning.”
Jean scoffed and retorted. “And you haven’t checked on her?”
“I’m giving her space, and I’m going to class.”
“Wait, wait,” Jean interjected to complain, “you’re leaving her alone?”
“Alone?” Eren repeated in disbelief of what he was hearing. “Yes. She’s twenty-one. And Levi and Isabel are downstairs.”
“What if she tries to jump off her window?” Jean remarked. “Or what if she tries to—”
“Please shut up,” Eren cut Jean off with sass. “She won’t do that. Besides, Mikasa is coming over right now, and I also told her friends to come over. Just come in,” he pauses and turns back around to guide Jean inside to your room.
At first Jean hesitated for a few seconds, but he didn’t want Eren to say anything if he just flaked, so he followed him to the first door on the left of the hall. He watched Eren knock and then minutes later he heard you. “Come in!”
Eren gestured Jean to wait while he walked in. At that moment Eren opened the door a brown cat walked out and sat outside the door and just watched Jean. That’s all the cat did. It watched him.
So Jean instead ignored the piercing look and looked through the small gap Eren left, but he didn’t see anything, nor did he hear anything but whispers until Eren’s feet stomped towards the door that was followed by him appearing after the door swung open.
“You can go in,” Eren told Jean before he leaned in and whispered a threat. “Be nice or else.”
Jean scoffed and ignored him. He then waited for Eren to walk away to slowly walk in your room, right away seeing you sitting up right on your bed with a hoodie on that was able to hide your face, and then he saw an orange cat on your lap, and a black cat on a cat bed by the window. He wanted to comment on them, but you spoke first.
——
*YOU*
“Hi, please come and take a seat.”
Jean looks around then looks back to close the door but you stop him. “Just leave it open, Mr. Darcy will walk in and close it.”
Jean’s eyes snap to you and the corner of his lips twitch before he picks on the name. “Mr. Darcy?”
You stroke your cat’s fur and don’t find the humor behind his comment. “Yes?”
Jean doesn’t fail to notice your cluelessness but he chooses to leave it alone for now and focuses on the bouquet of red tulips in his hands. “These are for you.”
Your jaw slightly falls and for a second you’re utterly speechless until you just ask, “why?”
“l just thought I could bring you something to brighten your day.” He said without an ounce of shame or embarrassment. “I hope you like tulips.”
You blink and close your mouth. Your eyes dart from the flowers in his hand and then to his light brown eyes. Words are still hard to form from your disbelief of him buying you something, but you force yourself to snap out of your stupor by pushing your cat off your lap and climbing out of bed to grab the flowers. “Thank you,” you finally tell him with a sweet smile that was partially hidden under the hood you wore over your head. “And.” You grin. “I love tulips, they’re my favorite, thank you!”
It’s the first time in a long time that someone has given you tulips. It meant a lot that Jean managed to get the right flowers on his first attempt. The gesture made your heart swell.
“How…” he hesitates, “are you feeling?”
You keep your eyes on the vivid petals and you give him a partial answer. “I’m hanging on.” You draw in a small breath and hold it in from the uneasiness that you felt as you hoped he wouldn’t ask what you think he wanted to.
Jean hums and he keeps his eyes on you as he watches you admire the flowers. “Do you need any ice or?” He asks kind of awkwardly.
You shake your head and slowly breathe out. “No, I’m okay. How about you?” You quickly direct a question to him. “Are you okay?” You peek over at his face but don’t see any bruises. “It doesn’t look like he got you.”
“Nah,” Jean adds cockily. “He didn’t get my face, or at least he didn’t hit hard. I got him good though. He might have a black eye.”
You huff and put the flowers down to walk off to the bathroom. “Do you want anything to drink or eat?” You ask him whilst you grab a vase and pour water in it. “No one’s home,” you shout so he could hear you from the bathroom. “We could be out in the living room freely!”
“Uh, I don’t want to bother you, I’ll just go.” Jean said back, causing you to shut the faucet and return to your room with your head slightly ducked so you could hide the bruise that was covered by makeup but still faintly visible.
“You have a class soon?” You probe slightly disappointed.
Jean shakes his head. “No, not today. My professor canceled.”
You take off the wrapping from the flowers and place the bouquet inside the water, feeling your chest tense as you peek at Jean to continue your questions. “Oh, well if you don’t then you can stay, I was going to make breakfast, want some?”
Jean scoffs and a teasing smile appears on his face. “You cook?” He teases. “You know I just might. Just to see that.”
You snort and nod. “I am very good if I do have to brag.” You steal a glance at him and then guide him out of your room to walk into the kitchen. “By the way!” You exclaim, “I listened to the song you recommended, and I have do have a complaint.” You take a pan from a shelf and place it on the stove.
Jean sits at the island in front of the kitchen and snaps, “a complaint? Pft, I didn’t have one about your song. No fair, listen to it again.”
You turn back swiftly and point your spatual at him. “I’m a Tupac fan.” You retort.
When you turned Jean caught the bruise on your face hidden by makeup but still visible; it was formed above your jaw and just below your eye, the sight made his smile fall and caused his mood to drift back to anger for you over what the man did, his pity returned tenfold. He even felt guilty for not stopping him in time, but it seemed like you were happy right now, at least that’s how you presented yourself, so he didn’t comment on it or stared for too long, he made himself laugh and tried to answer with a bit of an attitude.
“Tupac? Please—”
“Ahh!” You interrupt him and turn back around to place your spatula down and walk over to the fridge to grab a few eggs whilst you talked at the same time. “Don’t be that guy man!”
“What guy?” Jean pressed without letting you finish.
You mock a man’s voice and express what you always hear from them when you say you like something. “If you like Tupac, name five of his songs and don’t name the popular ones. Tell me the release date and don’t forget why he wrote it. Damn, do you want me to figure out his social security number too or what?”
Jean chuckled and leaned over the countertop to make fun of you and the men you’re complaining about. “Thats fucking ridiculous, that’s some stupid shit! I am not that guy. But can you say his social security number, I mean if you’re a fan?”
Your eyes snap to meet his and you can’t help your own laugh from escaping. “I….cannot, truth is I only listened to those songs because Ymir listens to them. And Eric listened to them…too.” You go wash your hands and feel your smile falter at the mention of his name.
However, Jean made sure to quickly change the subject. “Well listen to Biggy smallz.” He leans back and continues to watch you prep the pan before he volunteers himself. “Do you need help?”
“Oh, I—” before you could finish Jean hops off his seat and rushes over to you to beat the eggs. “Thank you,” you mumble, feeling a warmth on your cheeks as he stands so close to you. “Do you want music? Or do you just want to hear me talk?” You smirk. “I think that would work better but that’s all up to you.”
“Oh you’d love that wouldn’t you?” Jean taunted you. “Please amuse me then. Actually tell me why Eren and you live together.”
“Oh! Sure!” You agree enthusiastically. “Well when I was nine, I was home waiting for Levi; the tiny guy that owns the shop, to get home from a business trip right? And when he comes back he has Eren Jaeger with him, which by the way!” You ramble as you cut things for the omelet and Jean works with the eggs, not even complaining once or losing interest.
“I had known him because my parents would like have meetings with his and some other people, so Eren would go but he was always so mean to me and he was…weird! But that’s not important right now. Levi just brought him home and just said he’s going to live with us.” You exhale and continue. “Well later it turns out that his parents had died in this house fire that’s why Levi took him in. Also his mom was close to Levi because they were childhood friends that’s why he’s with us.”
Jean pours the egg in the pan and instead of asking about Eren furthermore, he brings up the overlooked fact about you. “Wait if Levi isn’t your dad then why do you live with him? Like is this some social experiment where you—”
“Shut up,” you cut him off with a bit of anger. “I know what you’re going to say and save it.”
You didn’t need him to finish or to know him to know he was going to ask why you lived with Levi if you’re so rich and have a big mansion. He was going to make fun of you so you didn’t need him to finish his stupid commentary.
“Fine,” Jean snickers and continues to ask his question. “Then why are you here?”
You sigh and lean back on the counter since he was in charge of flipping over the omelet. “Well,” you begin to share. “My parents left me here. It was supposed to be for the weekend, but they didn’t come back until five years later when I was ten.” You see Jean meet your gaze and catch a frown form on his lips and a disturbance flicker on his face. “I was angry, beyond angry, as anyone would be after their dads didn’t come back, so I chose to stay with my cousin. You know he was like a third dad.” You smile softly. “He took care of me, he did everything for me over those years so he let me stay with him. Besides he was far more attentive than my actual dads, they were always having business trips. They’d leave me so I preferred staying.”
Jean swallows thickly and tries to excuse his probing he thought was stupid after he knew. “I shouldn’t have asked, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry,” you assure him and grab plates to place them beside him. “You know you’re actually one of the few who I’ve told my life story too, so I’m sorry I spilled everything.”
“I asked didn’t I?” Jean redirected. “It’s no problem.” He looks over at you and you share a smile for a second before he turns back to turn off the stove and place the omelets on the plates. “It’s interesting too. Maybe I’ll sell your story to the tabloids.”
“Bad press is good press,” you quote with a smile while you walk to sit across from him.
Jean slightly tilts his head and his eyes widen as if he had just heard something amazing. “Have you been on any type of tabloid?”
You smirk and shrug as you show off. “A magazine, and some social media news outlets on the mainland and the Island with my dads. “Paradis richest and most beloved family” and “the Charity ball of the year will be hosted by the Ackerman’s for the fiftieth year”. Nothing much.”
“Nothing much,” Jean scoffs. “Right girl.” He rolls his eyes and looks down at his food to begin cutting a piece. “Let me guess you’re doing business to inherit your daddy’s business.”
“Essentially,” you agree with a bit of dread. “I mean that’s what I’m studying for. It’s what makes them proud.”
Jean shakes his head and shoves food in his mouth before he speaks with his mouth full. “Don’t know why you bother, I mean if I were you I wouldn’t worry with all the money I’ll inherit.”
“Yeah,” you nod and don’t deny your privilege. The dread for all of it was brought by other reasons. Other dreams that were left undeveloped. “In the future I will get my parents’ money. I’ll be set for years. For life. But I do want to make my own money. My own way. I don’t want to rely them, at least not for a while. I want to….” You pause and look down at the food you’re playing with and share a breathless laugh. “It sounds silly, but I want to accomplish my own goals, my dreams by myself.”
You don’t know why you were so comfortable sharing your whole life story with Jean. You barely knew him after all. But it felt comforting, you could see he was listening to every word, he didn’t interrupt you and say it was boring. He was listening to you without complaining, yeah he did argue about things but it wasn’t anything extreme, it was logical and worth saying.
“I know,” you continue, “I know that because they have good names and connections that I have privilege others can’t, but I just want to carve my own path.”
“Fuck it,” Jean huffed. “Use them. Trust me if I had what you do I would.” He meets your gaze and you look at him slightly taken back and afraid over what he might say. “Yeah I know I tease you about your money, but y/n it’s an advantage, if you don’t want to do business and want to I don’t know, become a painter; use them, use their connections because they will get you far. You can build off them and make your own name after. It happens. It always does. You just have to be better than them. If you’re the same then you will always be categorized as such. And when you make your own name,” he points at the table to explain, “they will say oh I didn’t know her parents are so and so. They will be background characters in your life. Believe me.”
Wow.
Wow. Okay.
Your jaw drops and you just blink as you stare at him in disbelief. His face grows red and he averts his gaze by looking down at his food to eat while you stay speechless.
Lectures weren’t your favorite thing, but his was worth hearing. He was amazing and you couldn’t express your awe in any other way than just blurting, “have you ever considered doing motivational speeches?”
Jean scoffs and shakes his head, keeping himself busy with food.
“Really,” you muse happily. “That was good. I will take what you said under consideration.”
Jean smiles but doesn’t show it to you, rather he just deflects the topic. “Can I be honest? Yesterday I completely thought you and Eren were having an affair.”
You slowly tilt your head and drop your fork to deadpan. “What?”
“I just saw you guys arguing and I saw him come out of your building and the idea came to me,” Jean explained himself in between laughs. “But it’s clear now, so I am no longer curious.”
You’re about to answer with something else, but a knock sounds on the door and makes you hesitantly walk over to open the door.
And it seemed Jean was thinking about the same person you had in mind because he slowly followed behind you to the door like some bodyguard or some protector.
But it just turned out to be Mikasa.
“Oh, Mikasa hey,” you greet with dread and open the door halfway, keeping part of your face hidden. “Are you looking for Eren?”
Mikasa’s eyes flicker over to Jean behind you and then fall back on you to share the truth. “No, he told me what happened and I wanted to come check on you.”
Oh.Tsk. Of course he called her and gossiped with her.
What is she here to do now pity you? Keep your hands locked so you wouldn’t dare call Eric. Jean was mostly likely here for the same reason, but you didn’t have that close of a relationship with Mikasa anymore, it felt weird having her come to your rescue. No matter how nice her actions were.
“If you’re busy,” she continues, “I can come later.”
You sigh and want to avoid her coming in, but she was already here. “No, please come in. Breakfast?” You offer her.
“No, thank you” she declined as she carefully makes her way in after she takes her shoes off at the entrance. “Jean I didn’t know you were here.”
“You didn’t?” He remarks and grabs his plate to wash it while you finished your breakfast. “I’m surprised that Eren didn’t go gossip.”
Mikasa rolls her eyes and sits around the Island as well, focusing her energy on you instead. “How are you feeling?”
You shrug and play with your last piece of food. “Right now I’m feeling okay.” All thanks to Jean for coming to visit. But you wouldn’t say that.
“Thank you for asking,” you finish saying and stand up to go wash your own plate.
A silence while you’re washing your plate lingers awkwardly. Mikasa and Jean wait for you to finish, but even then you walk to your room and leave them in the awkward atmosphere until you come back with your sketchbook.
“I want to show you something Mikasa,” you break the tension, having no other choice but to do so. “Eren mentioned you didn’t have a dress for the charity ball, and that you needed help so I drew up some ideas.” You open the sketchbook to flip to the page where you drew down your ideas and placed it on the counter to show her, while you explained. “Regency Era, I looked into what Japanese women wore, but since you’re mixed I chose to play with that so I had an idea to mix a Kimono with a dress that fit that era. See.”
Mikasa slightly leaned in and Jean peeked at the sketches.
“Like,” you continue and point to one of the ideas, “this one on top. I can make the dress white, but on top we can have a red silk layer that has designs on the lining in the front, and then we can have some traditional Kimono designs on the tail of the dress and have it drag behind you a little. But of course, make all the designs subtle since you know you don’t want to be the center of attention.”
Mikasa nods slowly and breathlessly agrees. “I love that idea, these are all amazing y/n,”
“Yeah,” Jean muses.
You lift your gaze at the same time he does and he doesn’t avert his gaze this time, he shoots you a sweet smile that makes you smile back and hold his gaze for a lingering and longing moment before Mikasa catches your attention and has you drifting your eyes back to her.
“I want it.”
You smile at her and drag your sketchbook towards you as you ask for her reassurance. “If that’s okay, of course? I wouldn’t want to be disrespectful.”
“That’s more than okay,” Mikasa says with a sweet grin.
You close the book and avert your gaze as you mutter. “I suspect you’re staying here for a while?”
Mikasa nods without hesitance. “If that’s okay.”
“Okay, we’ll get measurements later.”
She won’t leave even if you asked, not after Eren told her about yesterday. She was your babysitter even if Eren hadn’t even tried to talk to you after yesterday. Why did he even have to tell her?
You put your sketchbook away and come back to the awkwardness. “So,” you break the silence. “Do you guys want to watch a movie, or something?”
“Whatever you want to do,” she says, only getting you annoyed.
Yet before you could try to answer her there was a knock on the door. You go to open it but then the door opens by itself and Porco and Marcel walk inside. Much to your dismay.
“Y/N!” Marcel exclaims with flowers and a plastic bag full of stuff in his hands.
Instead of greeting them with a smile you greet them with confusion. “What are you guys doing here?”
Porco scoffs and answers for his brother. “Eren told us what happened. We came to celebrate that—”
Before he could finish what he was planning to say Marcel elbowed him, forcing him to stop.
“We just wanted to check if you were okay,” Marcel says instead, making you sigh and drop your head to grumble.
“Fuck Eren.” You lift your head again and offer them a feigned smile. “Well then I guess thank you for the company. Come inside.” You turn and walk towards the living room where Jean was to introduce him to your friends. “Guys this is my friend Jean.”
Marcel walks towards the living room after he drops the stuff on the kitchen counter to offer him his hand as he studies him. “Marcel. I’ve heard about you.”
“Really?” Jean snickers and glances at you.
“Yeah,” you cut them off. “Because I told him I was tutoring you.” You glare at Marcel and shoot him a warning look. “Jean, this is my best friend Marcel.”
Jean takes Marcel’s hand out of courtesy and shakes it. “So you’re the twin.”
Porco lifts his head from where he is in the kitchen and remarks right away. “We’re not twins!”
Marcel laughs and walks to the couch to greet Mikasa before he sits down. You take a seat next to Jean but he stands up at that moment and faces you with a faint smile before he reveals the reason for the smile. “Well I should head out.”
You push yourself off the couch and frown at his announcement, you want to tell him to stay but he says his goodbyes to the others and begins to head out, causing you to walk after him without daring to say what you really wanted to. “I’ll see you next week? I don’t think I’ll be able to help you this week.”
Jean stops and turns to face you a bit away from the front door. “Like hell. We’re working on my schedule, remember?”
You’re about to protest but he continues.
“I imagine you’re not going to school this week?”
You avert your gaze and shake your head. “No. Not this week.”
Jean nods and clears his throat to make it clear what he was saying. “Well I’ll come over then. It’s no problem.”
You blink and feel your eyebrows furrow, your throat aches as you keep your words down, but you also feel your heart swell at his persistence. “I can’t have you failing while you’re tutoring me so talk to your professors or something.”
Albeit he was actually kind of annoying.
“I’ll try,” you groan.
Jean shifts to continue walking away but doesn’t stop talking. “You’ll do it. My future might depend on you.”
You roll your eyes but smile faintly at him. “I’ll see you then.”
“I’ll see you.” He says before he begins walking down the steps, letting you drag your feet back home but stopping outside the door and staying there to debate going inside with so many people.
You only appreciated Jean’s presence because he had witnessed what happened, if he hadn’t been there, his presence would have not been so welcome. It’s just…what happened isn’t something to celebrate, or be some pity party. No matter how much you enjoyed being around him. Even if you knew you would’ve hated the solace if no one had been here to stay with you.
So maybe that’s a sign that you need to be grateful rather than annoyed.
With that thought out you walk inside, but before you could get far you almost run into Porco. He seemed like he was just going to head to the living room, but he stopped and turned on his heels to face you and keep you by the door.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “That we came. I told Marcel that we could wait, but he was pushy. We can leave if you want.”
You part your lips and even if you did want to be alone, deep within you knew it wasn’t the best idea. Besides, they were here already.
“No, it’s fine,” you assure him. “Stay.”
Porco nods and sighs, his face not resembling any relief rather discontent. “Look what that asshole—”
“Please,” you cut him off. “I don’t want to talk about it. Truth is I didn’t want anyone to know. But Eren made a big deal out of it. So please let’s not talk about it.” You inhale deeply and exhale as you meet his perplexed gaze.
“Right,” he answers after a moment. “Okay. Let’s go watch a movie then. Scream, was it?”
You offer him a faint smile and nod before you return to the living room and sit back in your seat, seeing Porco sit beside you and that Marcel stayed distant, he actually hardly looked at you.
“Marcel,” you grill him. “Why the hell have you been avoiding me?”
Said man turns on the tv to search for the movie and keep his eyes on the screen to answer. “I’ve been busy. Work, school.”
“Girlfriend?” You press loudly.
“No!” He blurts. “No. I’ve been meaning to answer, but I really have been busy. But I’m here now aren’t I?”
You sink in your seat and keep your eyes trained on him for a while before you look at the screen as he found the movie and played it right away.
“Actually,” he blurts. “I did want to ask you something. On Friday why don’t we go to the beach? To lift your spirits? Mikasa tell Eren to come.”
You rest your elbow on the arm of the couch and glance at Porco to share a quick look before he spoke. “Marcel, no.”
“It’s fine,” you interject.
Porco throws a throw blanket on you and that gesture lets you scoot closer to him to lay your head on his shoulder while you keep your eyes on the screen to bring up something. A condition. “As long as I can bring someone.”
“Sure,” Marcel doesn’t fret to agree. “Who?”
——
To Jane (the Therapist): Hey, I just wanted to know if we could talk again. There’s so much going on, I began blaming—
No.
No I can’t—you set your phone down and bury your head in your pillow and just lay there for a long minute until there’s a knock on the door. Since there was no one home you have no choice but to get up and make your way to the front door. As soon as you open the door you see Jean outside with his backpack strap on his shoulder, and a bag of food in his hand.
“I’m here,” he greets you. “Ready?”
You sigh and open the door wider to let him while you drag out your answer. “I suppose.” You close the door and walk after him. “I’m waiting for Eren to come home.”
Jean walks over to the Island to set his stuff down and talk to the empty space in front of him. “Oh, is everyone else gone?”
You take a seat across from him and fix the things you already had on the counter. “Yeah, they left some time ago. But the reason why you think I’m waiting for him isn’t why I want him to get home.”
Jean scoffs and smirks at his screen. “Yeah I understand, he’s annoying. Anyway, I brought you some food from downstairs.”
You lean forward and grab the bag to peek inside it. “From Levi?” You ask.
“Yeah.”
You faintly smile and take out the things to set them down around the table before you got yourself ready to help Jean.
“So,” Jean continues and keeps stealing peeks at you. “How are you feeling?”
You swallow thickly and sigh while you look up and assure him with a smile. “I’m okay. Nothing much has changed since this morning. So I’m okay.” You focus back on the computer screen and question him. “How was school?”
“It was okay, it was just a dread though.” He groans and rolls his eyes whilst he grabs his sandwich. “A couple of boring classes, and just paperwork for my exhibit.”
You perk up at the mention and slightly close your laptop to fully face him with a smile that slowly began to grow. “An exhibit? What? That’s exciting when?!” You exclaim to know, making Jean blush and scoff, but ultimately answer with confidence that faltered.
“Next month on the sixth, uhm you should come if you can, I’ll send you the info later.”
Your smile slowly falls, but you nod in agreement hoping it was before the charity ball. “Okay, you better, I’ll try to make room for you in my busy schedule.”
Jean chuckles and nods. “Alright.” He meets your gaze for a second before he looks back at his screen and smiles.
His smile alone makes your smile return, it makes your heart race and lets you reveal what you’ve been wanting to ask before you started. “Jean, I wanted to ask if you want to come to the beach on Friday? Porco, Marcel, Mikasa and Eren are going to,” you sigh, “lift my spirits. If you can, you should tag along, you can even invite some friends so you don’t feel odd.” You tilt your head slightly and grab your own sandwich to wait for his answer.
Jean runs his fingers through his hair to brush it back, but the strands he wanted to push back just fell back over his forehead, causing your breath to hitch and your face to grow hot.
“Sure,” he says with a grin. “I’ll go. I have room in my busy schedule.” His eyes flicker to you and he smirks. “Besides I’m a mean volleyball player.”
You scoff and quirk a brow to taunt him. “Really? I believe you. I mean, tsk,” you suck in air through your teeth and look at your screen, only feeling him hit you with a balled up napkin.
You laugh and shrug.
“Well, okay, boxer, if I do remember correctly I’m owed a match.” Jean brings up, making you scoff.
“How is that relevant to you being mean?”
Jean takes a bite of his sandwich and talks with his mouth slightly full. “I sense your judgment. I just want to assure you that you don’t want to play with me. I’m great at a lot of things.”
You scoff and nod slowly. “Okay. Well maybe you’ll prove that sometime next week then.” You hide your smirk behind your smile as you lift it again and finish your comment. “One of us has to win both volleyball and the match. To prove something. Winner gets….well that’s to be determined. What do you think?” You lift your eyes over your screen to meet his light brown eyes that are gleaming with excitement.
“You’re on sweetheart.”
You exhale deeply at his comment and hide the growing and shy smile on your face behind your screen.
After that was dealt with Jean and you begin working, and that went on without any disturbance, you both remained focused and didn’t go off topic until well past the time limit, Jean was even helping you with some work you had unfinished, but then when the door opened that concentration was broken as Eren walked in.
“See?—”
You lift your eyes off what Jean is pointing to and feel anger rise within you quickly, Eren greets you both, but his words tune out as you hop off your feet and charge towards him with a scowl on your face. “What the hell is wrong with you?!” You remark, noticing he began to step back away from you. “Huh? Answer me Eren?!”
Eren keeps walking back until he has enough room to slide to the side to escape your rage. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about!” He yells back and runs to the Island beside Jean. “I just got home.”
“Do you think I’m some kind of fucking chairty case! That I-I’m some kind of unstable person who can’t take care of herself?!” You keep arguing, seeing he was now moving back away from you while you followed after him.
“I didn’t do anything!”
You feign a laugh and begin to run after him, but he plays smart and doesn’t let you catch him, he runs around the island to be at the opposite end each time you want to reach him.
“You told everyone my business Eren!” You inform him since he’s acting dumb. “It was not your news tell! None of it was but you opened your mouth and everyone was greeting me with smiles and sweet voices as if I’m dying! None of what happened was your business to tell!”
“I helped you! And jean is here so what?!“ he argued back.
You gasp and your eyes widen and you quicken your pace and begin collecting napkins and trashed paper off the counter. “Yes and so what?! What if I told everyone you broke up with Mikasa? Huh?! You would be seething?! And jean! He’s here because I’m helping him, because he was the only one who’s supposed to know! But you told everyone! It wasn’t your business Eren! It wasn’t!” You begin throwing stuff at him but he keeps avoiding it and starts finding amusement in the situation.
“So you’re not grateful—”
“Shut up,” you bellow and stop now since he was too much of a smart ass to catch.
“I helped you, can’t you be thankful?”
You clench your jaw and scoff, you want nothing more but to throw your computer at him, but you contain yourself for Jean’s sake since he had no choice but to watch your fight.
“I don’t want to talk to you,” you snap back instead and walk back to your seat to sit down and ignore him, not bothering to look up at the front door that opened.
“What’s going on?” You hear Levi ask. “Why is everyone screaming? I can hear you from downstairs.”
You huff and glance over the front door, catching Erwin walking up behind him. “Nothing,” you dismiss the argument that just went on. “Jean and I were going to my room to finish.” You collect your things and Jean has no choice but to do the same before following after you as you make your way to your room without looking at either of them.
However Levi stopped you before you could disappear in your room. “We’re all having dinner later. There’s no way out.”
You stop briefly and answer through gritted teeth since you think it’s about what happened last night. “Fine we’re almost done anyway.”
Once you’re secure in your room you drop your stuff and just throw yourself on the bed to look at ceiling and feel a cat snuggle up beside you.
“What’s with all the cats?” Jean deadpans, knowing that you weren’t going to work anymore.
You snicker. “I have a thing for strays. I do have two of my own though. The others are stray who come and go as they please. Cool huh?”
Jean scoffs and you practically hear him roll his eyes from where he was sitting.
“Now can I ask you something?” You bring up with less amusement. “Why are you nice to me? I mean you defended me yesterday, and I’m grateful. You came today when you didn’t have to and I’m grateful, but why is it that you’re nice to me?” You keep looking at your ceiling and swallow back the lump that formed in your throat. “I mean I know what people say about me. No one really likes me, I’m just a bitchy rich girl who’s got a crooked family. I’m boring. I’m no one. I’m an airhead. I’m fake. So why? I mean you even said those things about me.”
Jean stays quiet for a moment and each second he stayed quiet the more your heart beat, the more your anxiety to hear his answer rose until you felt like you were going to explode and have some form of attack. You actually thought he wouldn’t answer. He’d leave the deafening silence as it was, but he didn’t.
“Because you’re different,” he mutters softly. “It’s cliche, I know. But you are. I do have to admit I did think that about you, but I got to know you, you’re cool, fun, rich yes, a little spoiled yes, bratty, also yes. But you’re cool, genuine. You’re funny. You’re beautiful. You’re fun to be around, and I…well I don’t know…” he pauses and seems to be lost for words, it lets you sit up to face him with your lips parted slightly and your eyes gleaming with tears you forbid from falling.
“You’re not saying that because of yesterday right?” You croak out.
Jean holds your gaze and sighs as he answers. “A little, but,” he says and stands up to walk towards you. “I mean every word. I may have just met you, but I’m not lying, I won’t. Not to you. The day I do is the day we’re not friends.”
You grin and huff out. “Okay,” you whisper. “Thank you.”
Jean sits beside you and that’s it, he doesn’t try anything besides pushing his hand to be closer to yours on the bed; to the point your pinkies are the only things that touched. Beside that he stayed like that and just keeps you company in the silence.
That is until your phone rings. You check who it is and quickly put it on silence.
“Who is it?” Jean asks after a second of debating wether to ask or not.
You scoff. “My parents. I don’t feel like talking to them though.” You fall back down on your bed and hear him drag on the subject.
“They’re probably just worried. Just answer. You don’t even have to show your face.”
Your eyebrows scrunch together and you lay in the tense silence until you take his words for consideration with a groan. “No.”
“Well,” Jean huffed and lay beside you. “They keep calling.”
You turn your head to meet his eyes and shoot him a quip. “I don’t like you.” You reach for your phone and answer the call.
*LATER THAT NIGHT*
You sigh and slightly shift your glass cup to the side, you shift your silverware and then glance up to share a brief look with Eren.
“I’m glad the two of you could come along,” Erwin broke the silence that had fallen over the table.
“Well,” Eren sighs with a feigned smile on his face. “We were kind of—”
“We wouldn’t miss it,” you cut Eren off and offer Erwin a warmer smile. “This dinner seems important to both Levi and you so we had to come.”
Erwin shoots you a smile and steals a glance at Eren before looking at Levi across from him and offering a much giddier smile.
“So,” you start the conversation and grab your cup to pull it to your lips. “What is this about exactly?”
Levi and Erwin look at one another for a second before they look at both Eren and you. “I’d rather talk about this when we get our food.”
Eren shifts in his seat and grabs his wine off the table to take a long chug. The three of you around him pretended that you weren’t paying attention but you noticed his eagerness to drink it all.
“Why were Eren and you arguing earlier?” Levi begins to interrogate.
You take a drink of your wine and when you set the cup down you swallow and answer with sass. “Eren likes being in other people’s business.”
Said man sits up and props his elbows on the table to shoot you a menacing smile as he retorted, “I was helping you.”
You tilt your head and clench your jaw. “Were you? Or did you do it out personal gain? I didn’t need you to help me today, Eren. I called you because I needed your help, but after that you should’ve just kept quiet. I trusted you.”
Eren huffs and leans forward and opens his mouth to argue but he gets quickly cut off by Levi. “Enough, Eren. Not here.”
“I didn’t say anything.” He argues, his face twisting into a scowl. “I’m just reminding her why I did what I did.”
“And she’s right,” Levi hops on your side. “It wasn’t your business to tell other people what happened, it’s her choice not yours. You helped her last night and I’m sure she’s grateful, but you can’t just tell that to other people if she’s not comfortable.”
You hadn’t told Levi what happened, but you knew he knew and that didn’t take away from your surprise when he intervened without asking anything in return.
However, Eren stays quiet, his eyes fall on the empty space in front of him before he exhales deeply and looks back up at you to offer you a faint and tight lipped smile. “I’m sorry.”
You swallow your pride and smile back. “Thank you Eren.”
Eren fixes his posture and grabs his cup again to chug the rest of his wine and then serve himself some more, earning a concerned gaze from Levi, but getting nothing said to him.
“So,” you change the topic. “Work, Erwin, how is that?”
Erwin sets his cup down and meets your gaze to answer. “It’s great, but I did resign.”
You blink and scoff. “What why?”
Erwin smirks. “I plan on traveling for a while, that’s why.”
Eren huffs and leans forward. “That’s nice. Like a world tour type of thing?”
“Yes,” Erwin nods. “I want to see the world. I don’t want to be stuck here on this Island.”
You swallow thickly at his wishes as you feel uneasy since you knew what that might imply. “That’s nice,” you comment softly. “Very.”
“I think so.”
“The food is coming,” Levi interjects, making all conversation stop to watch as the waiters set the plates down on the table. To hear as Eren ordered another wine bottle after he alone finished the first one you were given.
You: that’s enough drinking Eren.
Seconds pass and your phone vibrates.
Eren: It’s not much.
You sigh and glare over at him before you type back fast—you: if you want to get drunk do it at home, we’re having dinner be respectful.
Eren: says the one who didn’t want to come in the first place.
Eren: I won’t drink much.
“Erwin,” Eren begins to say with a smile as he swallows his food. “You should’ve met Levi before. When he hadn’t opened the teashop yet. He was all business and no fun.” He snickers. “Like a military Captain.”
You take a bite of food and keep your eyes on your food as Erwin replies. “Really? Hmm. I can’t say he’s much different.”
“I can be fun,” Levi defends himself, making Erwin chuckle. “I’d build forts with y/n all the time.”
Your eyes flicker above your plate, and you take in your bite of food to chew slowly and swallow it down as you recall those distant memories. Ones linked with so much happiness.
“I’d have sleepovers in my own living room with Eren and Y/N, you don’t remember that Eren?” Levi continues.
There’s silence for a minute, when you look up at Eren you see him playing with his food, unable to keep a smile from tugging on his lips. “Yes,” he answers more genuinely this time. “I do. I remember y/n wanting to watch scary movies and then not being able to sleep at night. She said that some giant monster was going to grab her and eat her.” He snickers.
“She’d say, “Levi I can’t sleep out in the open”,” Levi bounces off Eren. “And we were inside our house for context. “I have to sleep inside up in my tree house so the giant Titans won’t get me.” He smiles faintly and takes a bite of his food. “She’d force me build a fort in our living room so we could be “safe” and then Eren would scare her so badly that she’d almost shit herself.”
You roll your eyes and share a dry and fake laugh in response to their story. Erwin laughs and it just makes you slouch in your seat and eat in silence and annoyance.
That is until you remember a story of your own. “No! Remember that time Eren got high because he ate Isabel’s brownies! Brownies she said not to touch!”
“I was ten,” Eren adds as if that helped.
“And you wanted Levi to hold you the entire time because you said you’d—”
“I was paranoid,” Eren cut you off, making you laugh.
The rest of the conversations went on like those, light, fun, tension free. Even Levi shared a few laughs too, he shared stories, he didn’t stay quiet and observe. Neither did you sit in silence regretting tagging along, no bad memory or bad topic was brought up that ruined dinner. No matter what relationships you all had currently, all that was forgotten for now as time seemed to go back to the times where problems didn’t make you all distant and a bit vain.
That is not until the expected conversation was finally brought up again.
“We wanted to share,” Erwin says with no sign of hesitation, or uneasiness “that Levi and are officially together as a couple.”
Looks pass around the table, silence threatens to become tense and awkward but then Eren and you grin and add to his announcement. “We knew.” You reassure them. “I mean it was obvious neither of you hid it well.”
“Yeah,” Eren agrees. “We knew.”
“Well,” Levi clears his throat. “That makes our next announcements easier then, Erwin.” He signals said man to continue.
“We are also planning to get married, and Levi is planning to come travel with me.”
The mood drastically changes. Eren chugs his wine and averts his gaze, whilst you grip onto your glass and look between both of them and offer them a small smile as you sigh. “Congratulations.” You raise your cup to toast to them. “I’m truly happy for you guys.”
“How long?” Eren blurts.
Levi shifts in his seat and clears his throat to answer Eren honestly. “We don’t know. We won’t return from our trip anytime soon though.”
Eren’s jaw clenches and chugs more wine he had served himself.
“Why?” Levi probes as notices Eren’s shift in mood, the tension in his shoulders. “Is that a problem Eren?”
Eren sets his cup down and brushes his hair back, he feigns a smile he directs solely to Levi and snaps back. “No, I mean you’re not my dad so why should I have a problem? Get married, leave, that doesn’t bother me.”
There’s a dead silence, silverware clinks, bells in the distance ring, laughter and chatter echo.
No one around the table moves but Eren who doesn’t seem to care what he said just now. Or at least that’s how he was playing it.
You couldn’t even find words to try and correct Eren, to assure Levi that Eren’s just drunk and stupid, that even if you had your differences he was everything to the both of you; friend, confidant, provider, father. Your words got stuck in your throat and all you could do was sit still and affected as if you were just wounded with Eren’s cruel words.
“No,” Levi finally breaks the silence, giving no hint in his voice that he was hurt. “Eren, I am not your father. Thank you for sharing your opinion.” Levi calls for the check to pay wi
Not me wanting to do a Superhero AOT AU like a mini series.
Y/N would have some form of Chaos Magic (cause I’m inspired) or something else.
Eren would be some form of captain America inspired hero just cause I feel like the quote “gods righteous man” fits him but he’s not that he’s slowly turning to this dark person.
Jean would have no powers but skilled to have him be great in his own way, but be jealous of what Eren has even if he’s a good leader and fighter, and a lot more…I don’t way to say better, but he’s maybe like what Eren could never be….
Mikasa….hmm….I don’t know what she’d have….maybe be like some form of a black widow just cause I think it fits her and she’d have this serum Eren also got….
Armin…he’d be smart. Smarter.
And Sasha would be able to create weapons and shields, and Connie would be some form of speedster. Or like powers that go together with one another!
Synopsis:You’d follow him to the end of the world, you promised, only to realize how silly the words sounded with the current state of life- not to mention, you had said the same to Petra, a girl that met her fate with zombies gnawing the flesh of her thigh.
Warnings: Eventual smut, explicit language, zombie apocalypse, minor character death, blood & gore, violence, weapons, minor & serious injuries, hurt/comfort
Pairing: Actor!Eren Yeager x MakeupArtist!Reader (AOT Live Action Show AU)
Genre: I genuinely have no idea? fluff? angst? a little bit of both?
Type: headcanon/bulletpoint
A/N: This was originally supposed to be the last part, but it was getting SO LONG and there was SO MUCH that needed to happen that I’m splitting it into two. Inspired by @nihaalart ‘s actor au fan art :)
Going back to your apartment after everything was depressing to say the least
You had made good money as a makeup artist before Attack On Titan
Yk from doing makeup for weddings, SFX makeup for other projects, doing stuff on YouTube and social media and stuff
So it wasn’t that you were going back to a crappy place
But the off white walls, throw blankets, comfy couches, and picture frames that surrounded you just didn’t feel like homeanymore
It was too lonely
You wanted the energy you felt on set
The excitement and fun
The friendship and love you had shared
Love
Eren
God, what was he going to think of you?
You just left him without any explanation
You refused to answer his or anyone else’s texts
You were kinda sorta shutting down
Mikasa and Hange had been messaging you on every platform you had
Jean, Reiner, and Zeke had texted you every morning
Armin had called you at least four times and Sasha sent you video messages
Even Levi - the captain of being antisocial - had sent you a message asking where you where and how you were doing
But Eren?
Eren sent nothing
Not a single message
No call, no text
Nothing
And honestly?
That hurt more than getting fired
You’d thought that after six months of filming
Six months of talking to each other and being there for one another
That he would’ve done something - anything - to show you he was worried, that he cared about you
But no
Nothing
It killed you inside
Took your heart and twisted it until you couldn’t breathe, only releasing it to stab it over and over again
You hated this
Somuch
The pain of everything that happened consumed you to the point where you literally didn’t get out of bed for three days
It wasn’t until you literally started to get nauseous from not eating that you decided enough was enough
So you picked yourself up from the depths of despair all by yourself and started over again
You got up and showered, washing your skin free of all your feelings until it was red
You threw your clothes and bedding into the laundry machine and went to the kitchen in the first new pair of clothes you’d put on since you’d gotten back
It felt good in a way, moving forward, trying to leave the past behind
But part of you was still breaking over the fact that everything was over
How you’d probably never see the people you’d grown to care about so much again
Because they were global superstars and you were just you
You’d always had a feeling that you’d be left in the dust once this was over
That they were all just being nice because they had to see you all the time
But you couldn’t focus on that anymore
As much as it hurt, the past was the past
You had to focus on what was happening right now
What you could do to move forward
About a week after you’d been fired, you decided to finally go back to makeup
You’d cleaned up the small office space you used as your studio - washing your brushes, fixing your palettes and paints, organizing everything to set it up for how you normally did walkthroughs/tutorials
You were literally about to press record on your camera to start when you heard a knock on your door
You sighed
You really just wanted to be left alone with your makeup right now
But then you remembered the new Mehron body paints you had ordered a few weeks back and realized it was probably them so you got up anyways
You trudged to your door, hair held back by a fuzzy headband and clad in a black tank top and your most embarrassing pajama pants because no one ever saw the bottom half of your body in your videos anyways
The knocking on your door got louder and you huffed out an “I’m coming” before reaching for the handle and swinging it open
You stopped dead in your tracks
The figure in front of you was dressed head to toe in black, hood pulled up over their head and a mask covering the bottom half of their face
Honest to god you had no idea who this strange person was judging from their getup alone
But their eyes?
You’d know those eyes anywhere
You could die and be reincarnated and in another life you’d still be able to recognize them
There
In all his glory and charm
Was Eren. Freaking. Yeager
And you
Beating the amazing talented beautiful dISASTER that you are
SLAMMED THE DOOR SHUT
Because oh my god????
What was he doing here????
How did he get your address??? Why didn’t he call or text??? Why was he literally on your doorstep oh my g o d?????
But then you realize you just shut the door on a literal global celebrity who probably risked a whole lot even just getting to your place so you take a few deep breaths and open the door
You don’t look at him again, just move to the side and gesture for him to come in quickly
You close the door behind him softly as he walks into your home
A weird feeling since your home is your safe space and you hardly let anyone into it
Eren had taken off his hood and mask and was standing in front of you with his hands in his pockets awkwardly
Like he was a middle schooler giving a presentation
You cleared your throat even more awkwardly
“What, uh… what are you doing here?”
He fiddled with his hands
“I wanted to see how you were doing.”
He shifted slightly
“… and I’m also on strike.”
You blinked
He was on what now?
“Eren, what? What do you mean you’re on strike?”
He sighed and pushed a few strands of hair away from his face
“After you left, the rest of the cast and I asked around to see what happened. Nobody would tell us until Armin did a little digging.
“He found out that you had been fired and replaced with someone else - one of the assistants that Esme brought with her this season.”
You nodded
You’d figured that one of the other artists or assistants would’ve taken your job
Eren continued, “You know those stalker fans? The ones that follow us around everywhere, show up at our houses sometimes, and try to get into every fan event and stuff?”
You nodded slowly, trying to understand where he was going
He let out a mirthless laugh
“Turns out that ‘assistant’ was actually one of them. She had been watching me for months, and I guess when she saw how close we were she got jealous. She was the one who went to the director and got you fired.”
He looked at you for a second, half expecting a reaction from you
But you sat in stunned silence as you tried to process his words
Eren sighed, “At first no one would tell me anything - about what happened with you, I mean. I asked everyone but no one seemed to know. But then the assistant… she kept saying things - weird things to me. She even followed me to my trailer one night after shooting and refused to leave when I asked her to. It was making me really uncomfortable so I told Mikasa and Armin about it.
“That’s when Armin started asking around about her and found out. After the truth came out, the director tried to support his decision about firing you, but none of the cast was comfortable with it so we refused to work until you were brought back. We’ve been on strike for almost five days now and no filming has been getting done. The director told me that I had to come and ask you back in person, so I’m here.”
You blinked
“I… Eren I don’t even know what to say…”
You ran a hand over your face and motioned for him to sit down on the couch
“First of all, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I can’t imagine how scary it must be when fans like that are around, let alone in a position that close to you.
“Secondly, I appreciate all of you doing that for me, I really really do. More than you know. But it isn’t fair to ask you to do that.”
Eren opened his mouth to say something but you put a hand up
“You’ve all worked so hard to get to where you are, you shouldn’t throw it away for someone who is easily replaceable. I can’t ask to make my problem yours.”
Eren sat for a moment before taking your hands in his
His touch was so gentle, thumb caressing the back of your hand softly as if you were made from fine porcelain that would break if held too roughly
“That’s the thing, (Y/N), you aren’t replaceable. You’re what brings life to set every day, the reason so many of us are so happy this season even though we’re all exhausted. You make it a better place and us better people. So you aren’t asking us to do anything. When it comes to you, your problems become our problems too.”
He paused
“… they become minetoo.”
The tentative tone in his voice made you meet his gaze
Those beautiful eyes that were so vibrant you couldn’t believe they were real
You swallowed
“Why?”
His lips turned up softly in a smile and his voice was no more than a whisper when he spoke next
This piece serves as one of the intros to @snovaaprel’s SnK Space Force AU, of which a superb zine is currently in the making.
Simply put, the AoT universe will be set in space. Yes, that means the Survey Corps will be kicking Titan ass in spaceships, with space guns, in outer space. How cool is that?!
More info will be shared after the text!
Paradis is the third planet closest to the Sun in the Erudian System. It is encompassed by three rings, namely, Maria, Rose, and Sina. These rings are made up of more than thirty satellites, most of which are inhabited. Man serves to be the planet’s dominant species, but outside of their world lies the biggest threat to their existence: humanoid giants that prey on their kind, otherwise known as Titans.
Keeping mankind safe from these beings are the Armed Forces of Paradis: the Police, an elite force guarding the planet’s ruler from within the rings; the Army, in charge of maintaining the security of the satellites, and; the Space Force, tasked to set out to find the secrets of the universe at the expense of living comfortably in their homeland. Out of the three branches, only the Space Force has encountered Titans firsthand when troops were attacked at one of their stations located outside of the planet. Paradis would not come face to face with Titans until years later, when foreign spaceships crashed into one of the outermost satellites and scarred humanity forever.
Shiganshina’s inhabitants were mystified by the sudden arrival of nameless, unpiloted spacecraft. Army troops posted at the satellite were quick to advance towards the crevices, but froze at the emergence of humanlike creatures that were about ten times their size, if not bigger. These giants charged at them with reckless fervor, and before they could process what was taking place, many of them had been grabbed hold of and devoured whole.
Unforgettable nightmares were born that day. Only a small sum of the population managed to escape to the closest neighboring satellite as Shiganshina crumbled into pieces, while the remaining lives were lost either by getting eaten, squashed, or trampled to death. More mysterious spaceships came down on the other satellites over time, infesting them with Titans, thereby ridding them of their livable state. Out of more than thirty satellites, fifteen are still inhabited, ten are non-inhabited, and five have been destroyed.
Following the tragic incidents, the Space Force continues to scour the galaxy in search for the origin of Titans as well as the reason behind their invasions, which has proven to be more difficult with the enemy ships lurking in space. Being the army that comes in close contact with Titans the most, casualties are inevitable, but have significantly decreased with the help of advanced technologies that can save even those at death’s door. Several soldiers have had their body parts replaced with machine counterparts, serving as a constant reminder of what was taken from them.
The Space Force sometimes resorts to capturing Titans for the sake of research. Based on their findings, Titans can be classified into two kinds: Subhuman, which attacks with bare strength, and Intellectual, which attacks with heavy weapons. Neither are capable of speech, thus making it impossible for humans to verbally communicate with them.
The Scientific Department’s latest finding is a shocking discovery: Titans are born from humans injected with a serum. The serum cannot be synthesized; once it is injected into the bloodstream, the person would transform into a destructive monster ever so feared by man.
The Space Force is an AU created by the esteemed fanartist @snovaaprel, who pieced the idea together as she listened to this album. Earlier this month, she gathered a team of writers to further expand on the story and bring it to life, and the zine has been a work in progress since then.
The AU will follow the themes of the original work, but romantic connections will also spark between the members of the Survey Corps, or in this case, the Space Force. On that note, I’ll be posting a YumiHisu piece soon as part of this AU. Stay tuned if you’re interested!
More info and updates about the AU can be found in the artist’s IG, where you’ll find some finished bits of the zine as well as the other writers’ spectacular works!
fenris has no memory prior to waking up and being found just outside the walls; just his name and the fact that he has the ability to transform into a titan. even within the walls, he never felt truly safe and free. he joined the survey corps in hopes of finding any clue about where he comes from. during that time, he has transformed a handful of times and of course it was in secret.
in his titan form ( in which he possesses the attack titan hehehe ), his special ability is forming crystallized claws and piercing titans through the chest and neck, sometimes decapitating them.
hawke was probably the first person who knew of fenris’ ability before the entire survey corps found out during an expedition.
their dynamic is kinda parallel to ymir and christa / historia. hawke is of noble blood, but since her parents eloped, she grew up in trost. she and bethany joined the cadet corps as an oath to avenge carver. she meets fenris during training – a quiet, mysterious fellow. unbeknownst to hawke, fenris is a titan shifter from outside the walls. she somehow befriends him, and they become very close friends… and great fighting partners! they joined the scout regiment together and became some of the top fighters in the whole legion.
i’ll elaborate more on this some day, but this is all i got so far :’))
