“Companionate love” is mainly intended for people on the ace spectrum who have very deep platonic relationships, considering them on par with serious romantic relationships. It is intended as an alternative for queerplatonic, for aces who may feel uncomfortable with that term due to the use of “queer” (which many people have an issue with). So an ace person who is looking for companionate love or has a companionate relationship with someone would call themselves a “compantionate ace”, similar to how aces with non-aromatic orientations are called “romantic aces”.
Term coined by: thethinkingasexual.wordpress.com
[Image: Flag with 5 stripes: Pastel yellow, white, black, white, pastel pink].
Color meanings: Pink and yellow at the top and bottom for the colors commonly associated with queerplatonic relationships. The white and black are to show a connection to the aro/ace spectrum, since those two are colors that are commonly found in a lot of flags on that spectrum.
[Note: the original design was yellow, pink, white, black stripes, but was changed because it looked too close to the Polar- designs]
Full pride gallery HERE! FAQ and “dictionary” of genders, orientations, and other related terms HERE. Send any questions to Ask-Pride-Color-Schemes!
the way twitter dot com talks about skeppy and bbh makes me think theyve never had a not-quite-romantic-but-more-than-a-best-friend type relationship. do they know that relationship labels are just as malleable as any other label? that there are no rules saying you cant just exist together as soulmates?
same thing with dan and phil too actually. and dream and george. not every lifelong committed relationship has to be romantic. some are, but others arent. take the information youve been given by the creators at face value as a relationship with no labels and be done with it.
Also this type of relationship DOES have a label, especially in the a-spec community. It’s called a queerplatonic relationship (QPR for short) and is exactly what you described: more-than-friends-but-not-really-romantic, soulmates-but-not-in-the-romance-sense.
But yeah the whole “are they dating or just friends?” thing is just another dumb binary social construct. Relationships, just like sexuality and gender, exists on a spectrum.
Let bros be bros (and maybe also hoes) without theorising on whether their relationship is “real” (romantic) or not, go outside and talk to real people.
“I remember well the splendour of their banners. It recalled to me the glory of the Elder Days and the hosts of Beleriand, so many great princes and captains were assembled. And yet not so many, nor so fair, as when Thangorodrim was broken, and the Elves deemed that evil was ended for ever, and it was not so.” “I have seen three ages in the West of the world, and many defeats, and many fruitless victories. I was the herald of Gil-galad and marched with his host.”
Elves who have deep relationships that don’t fit the traditional romantic model, such as qprs, call their partner “heart’s-friend,” or órendil (órë: innermost heart, -ndil: friend of, devoted to).
Some choose to marry, but many others choose to join their lives in other respects and call themselves “of one household”, or erëamarwa. This term also encompasses partnerships of many people who are not all married to or in deep relationships with one another, but dwell together, and close familial relationships resulting in a mixed household.
For elves, queerplatonic relationships often have a signficant mental/psychic component, and for many the sharing of minds is the primary form of intimacy. Those whose relationships are based in the entwining of minds may also call one another órëaþumo/orëasumo (aþumo/asumo: companion), still “heart’s-friend” but with a slightly different connotation.
@aspecardaweek day five | relationships |queerplatonic rôg + enerdhil
RōkaandAnmír were elves of the Tatyar who awoke upon the shores of Cuiviénen. First of their people, they created a fëa-bond together without a simultaneous union of their hröar. Both were resourceful, inventive elves who were among those to the first develop smithing techniques; Rōka made more practical tools, while Anmír was renowned for hir jewelry and soon lengthened hir name to Anmíridil.
The pair was sundered when the Great Journey began, for Anmíridil was enchanted by the promise of Aman while Rōka turned to follow Morwë and the Hwenti eastward. Anmíridil made it to Aman with the rest of the Noldor and became a masterful jewelsmith, named only after Fëanáro Curufinwë in hir skill. In the east, Rōka worked diligently as a maker of weapons, and the work of his hands was vital to the defense of his people; indeed, in one assault of the Dark Vala’s monstrous creatures, Rōka was himself abducted from his home and carried back to Angband, where he was put to work in the mines. Yet he did not go without a fight, and so fierce was his resistance that he earned the name Rôg, “demon,” amid his captivity.
Eventually the Noldor returned to Middle-earth, and Anmíridil was among them. Not long after, Rôg led a rebellion among the thralls of Angband and broke free, escaping to rejoin his long-sundered kin. Thus RôgandAnmíridil found one another again, unlooked for, and rejoiced to be together once more.
WhenRôg was offered a lordship in Prince Turukáno’s hidden city, he asked Anmíridil, now known as Enerdhil in the Grey-elven tongue, to accompany him. Hir heart was moved, and ze accepted, and together they created the House of the Hammer of Wrath. In Gondolin, RôgandEnerdhil would each create many great works, including the King’s sword Glamdring and the restoration of the famous Elessar.
[Image description: A series of 8 edited photos arranged in sets of two. 1: Headshot of a man with brown skin, golden eyes, and a buzzcut of dark brown hair; his ears have been edited so they are pointy and leaf-shaped; the caption reads “Rôg” with the subtitle “demon.” 2: The business end of a warhammer embedded with a green stone; circular text in the center reads “House of the Hammer.” 3: An erupting volcano below the stars; circular text in the center reads “Unbegotten Tatyar.” 4: A white horse walking on a forest path; the caption reads “Rōka” with the subtitle “swift horse.” 5: The Elessar, a green jewel set in a pendant of a silver eagle with spread wings; the caption reads “Anmíridil” with the subtitle “great jewels.” 6: The interior of a forge; circular text in the center reads “Smiths of Gondolin.” 7: Jewelry of two small golden swords on attached by a chain; circular text in the center reads “Partners of the soul.” 8: Upper body shot of a South Asian person bedecked in jewelry, looking to the side pensively; the person’s ear has been edited so they are pointy and leaf-shaped; the caption reads “Enerdhil” with the subtitle “lover of gems.” End image description.]
There Dairon grieving often stood in sorrow for the captive of the wood, and melodies made upon his flute leaning against a grey tree-root. Lúthien would from her windows stare and see him far under piping there, and she forgave his betraying word for the music and the grief she heard, and only Dairon would she let across her threshold foot to set.
Lay of Leithian, lines 1398-1407
As Lúthien prepares to make her escape from Hírilorn, Daeron visits her for the last time.
[image description: three sets of two lockscreens featuring a design of repeated arrows banded in the colours of various aromantic spectrum pride flags. The left lockscreen features the arrows set against a gradient background matching its respective flag colours; the right features the arrows set against a plain white background. Flags included are: pomoromantic (light pink gradient/white/mint green/white/light pink gradient), queerplatonic (yellow/pink/white/grey/black) and thelo aro-ace (purple-pink/white/yellow/green/navy).]
I’ve turned my aro arrows into lockscreens! All backgrounds/wallpapers are available for free personal or non-commercial use. For flag creator credits, please see @aroflagarchive.
Hi! I couldn’t find the exact meaning behind the current queerplatonic flag so I made an alternative one myself
Blue is for whole relationships Green is for the grey-aro spec Light green is for aromaticism Yellow represents (queer) platonic atraction/relationships Light orange is for emotional closeness Orange is for phisycal affection Pink is for love (in whatever shape or form)
I’d like to remain anonymous
(Also, do you take flag requests?)
Thank you Anon for submitting this! I like the color scheme of this, very citrusy. I’ll try to go rewrite our pinned to make it more clear what we can do, also.
flag id: the right flag has 6 stripes. in order, they are dark blue, purple, yellow, light pink, cream, and turquoise. the middle has 5 stripes. in order, they are light sky blue, purple, light pink, cream, and light sky blue. the right has 5 stripes. in order, they are dark blue, light pink, faded purple, light pink, and dark blue. end id.
So allos all say “I can’t describe what romance feels like! You just know it when you feel it!”
But then aphobes are like “Why can’t you describe the difference between romance and queer platonic attraction!??? How do you know it’s not romantic!?!???”
I think people, women and girls especially, need to know that if you have a good thing going with another female friend, roomate, a cousin, a siblings, etc–then you don’t have to feel like marriage is like and endgame or something (if that makes sense). Ya know, lemme just make this girl centric.
Let me clarify. I see a lot of girls having happy relationships with their sisters, cousins,best friends, roommates to the point where they’ve been living together for years and are comfortable with it. And becuase of that comfort with the girls they’re living with, a lot of women just end up wanting to live/stay with their roommates, best friends, sisters/cousins, etc., for the foreseeable future.
And when a lot of girls bring this up, they’re met with “well one of you is gonna get married” or “no boy friend in the picture” or “well you can’t stay together forever/you can’t plan your lives around each other” or “what about if one of you gets a husband”
and like–seriously, just stop. when girls mention wanting to spend their lives with their boyfriends and shit, people don’t give them this much flack. girls are expected to pack up their lives to move with their boy friends/husbands.
but god forbid, two girls are just happy with each other, are in a place of comfort with the other that they wanna live together and spend their lives together (either romantic, familial or platonic), then people start to criticize them. So my point is, girls if you’re living with another girl and have been for years and you two are comfortable staying with each other and have basically spoken about just wanting to stay with each other, then do that. if this person makes you comfortable, makes you feel safe and happy, and supports you (whether romantic or not!) then do not let people ruin that bond or shame you for not getting married or being with a man or anything like that. like if you have something good going, then keep the good going.
and this doesn’t have to be romantic (if it is that’s fine too!!).
Remember, kids, society’s insistence on everyone living the same cookie-cutter life with the same kind of relationships and same milestones is ridiculous, its all arbitrary nonsense and you can just let go of it, refuse to take input from society on what you should be doing and ask only yourself what will work for you. What will make you happy?
Listen I know I know it’s because of our knee jerk reaction and fear from so much discourse and mocking “that’s called having friends” I get it I do but I’m gonna be honest every time I see someone say “queerplatonic relationships aren’t just friendships” it really grates me.
Part of the point of queerplatonic is that there is nothing “just” about friendships. Friendships can be close or intimate or the most important relationship in your life and still be friendships. Queerplatonic isa kind of friendship in my opinion, it’s just one that challenges the relationship heirarchy and amatonormative ideas of which relationships are important and valuable and what a friendship can and cannot entail. That’s it. It’s not about certain actions or exclusivity its not about being “more” than “just friendship” its about prioritizing and valuing (a) platonic relationship(s) outside of the bounds of what society tells us is “normal”.
This is why I prefer to define QPRs more by their opposition to the relationship heirarchy than in opposition to friendship. I personally would define a QPR as something along the lines of “a friendship/relationship that ‘queers the platonic’ by rejecting amatonormative beliefs that friendships are inherently less important, intimate, valuable, commited, or affectionate than romantic ones.”
Now note, there are some people who feel that their personal experience with QPRs is seperate and distinct from friendships in general. This is also completely valid and no less of a QPR! QPRs are a very wide open category, and there really is no one size fits all QPR. I am not saying you personally have to define your own QPR as 100% platonic or as a friendship (this is why in my personal definition I wrote “friendship/relationship”). Some QPRs aren’t! But I do dislike the fact that nowadays I so often see QPRs being defined or defended as explicitly Not Just Friendships, which is really alienating and hurtful to me as an aro who loves the concept of queerplatonic specifically because of how it challenges the idea that friendships are “just” anything.
Queerplatonic is not just a new step on the relationship heirarchy between platonic and romantic, nor is it (in my opinion) a platonic category completely seperate from friendships placed on the same level as romantic. It questions why we put certain relationships above others and restrict certain forms of care and intimacy to each of them at all(but maybe that’s the relationship anarchist in me talking).
I 100% understand the urge to want to make a clear distinction between 'regular’ friendships and queerplatonic relationships because we get shit on about it so much. I know I really do get it. But it’s not helpful redefine QPRs in a way that alienates members of our own community in an attempt to gain the understanding and respect of people who have absolutely zero intention of understanding or respecting us.
In my opinion this is one of the scars from ace discourse that we need to heal from, in addition to rebuilding our communities. We do not have to let how we were shamed and harassed and bullied change our understanding of our terms or lose sight of how our existence and relationships push back against normative values in society that harm us.
