A Tunnel Too Far, Part 2: Hylan’s Dream

The second part of my look into the history and future of a subway to Staten Island.

Proposed location of the Narrows Tunnel, 1888

In the previous post I outlined the history of the many plans to connect Staten Island to the rest of New York City via a rail tunnel. While most people assume that a tunnel would be too expensive to justify, I wanted to explore the possibilities.

A note: all costs which will be discussed are not to be taken as dogma. They are based on the real…

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A Tunnel Too Far, Part 1: Staten Island’s Failed Pipe Dream

A Tunnel Too Far, Part 1: Staten Island’s Failed Pipe Dream

In the annals of New York infrastructure history, projects like the 2nd Ave Subway loom large. But while 2nd Ave has progressed, and other projects like an Utica Ave Line or Rockaway Beach Branch get their cans kicked down the road once a generation, one unrealized dream looms like a mountain beyond the horizon: a tunnel to Staten Island.

Staten Island is the southernmost point in both New York…

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The McMansion Hell Yearbook: 1980

(back of a quirky literary novel voice): Sometimes, things are not what they seem. An architecture critic disappears for three months to follow bike racing around Europe, rife with questions of becoming and desire. A real estate agent uploads a listing to an aggregator, knowing that it will be a difficult sell but thinking not much of it, for, like Tolstoy’s unhappy families, all houses are difficult to sell in their own way. A house is built in 1980 in Staten Island and would have thrived as an anonymous bastion of tastelessness had the internet not been invented. But the internet had been invented. All of these things are brought together here, through truly unlikely circumstances.

Let’s not bother with the formalities this time.

None of you will buy this house.

Sitting Room

Does anything here make sense? The periwinkle sofa, the twinkling of bronze glass, a truly transitional material, a mall exiting stagflation and entering the sultry trap of Reaganite libertarianism that would leave it empty twenty-five years later. The sense that one is always changing levels, trapped in a landing of some sort, never quite arrived on stable footing. But that’s just the style, one assumes. One foot in the seventies, with all their strife, one foot in the beginning of what felt like the end of history. One’s ass on the iridescent pleather sofa, waiting for the centuries to change.

Sitting Room II

My suspicion is that there are no pictures of the mirrored mystery foyer because the photographer’s identity would be henceforth revealed, and the point of all real estate photography is for the viewer to imagine themselves as the only person in a given space.

Dining Room

The shinier things are, the richer one is, obviously.

Kitchen

This serious sociological research also happens to coincide with the Giro d'Italia, one hopes.

Landing

(crediting@cocainedecor on twitter for their term. but also, where can i get some chevron mirrors, asking for a friend.)

Master Bedroom

just asking questions

Bedroom 2

Ostensibly bad opinion that I will nevertheless defend: the corner bed slaps, let’s bring it back.

Basement

(Staten Island accent): Hey, I’m workshoppin’ some metaphors here!

Alright, we’ve entertained this monstrosity enough - time to wrap things up.

Rear Exterior

You know, McMansion Hell has been around for five years now, and has coined many terms - an art, ahoy matey, lawyer foyer, brass n’ glass, pringles can of shame - but I have to say, I hope fireplace nipples also sticks.

Anyway, that’s all for 1980 - join us next month for 1981.

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MeetJohnny Walsh - the amazing person behind Infocult - a fanzine about strange information.

I was reminded of him today, as I wondered about the possible future of zine fests, in a world of climbing temperatures and potential waves of pandemics, which compel us / allow us to increasingly move our events outside.

I met Johnny at the 2019 Staten Island Zine Fest in New York City (my second outside zine fest, after 2017’s Athens Zinefest).

He’s an incredibly fascinating person, who was very generous with his time and even allowed me to interview him.

I bought a stack of zines from him, including copies of ‘Dishwasher’ and publications I’d only been able to read about previously.

Wherever he is, I hope he’s well and thriving. It was lovely meeting him and experiencing zines and music outdoors.