#stem student
15.04.2020
Biochemistry
Kitchen garden
I’ve always wanted to study abroad, but recently I feel as though it has become clear where I would want to study. I don’t particularly enjoy indulging my emotions, they’re a key part of being but I find my reaction to them ought to be controlled. However, recently I’ve read Open Water by Caleb Azumah Nelson and it has really made me think. While I have no idea what it is like to be a black body in modern britain, there’s a particular passage that strikes me daily
“She’s beautiful. Want my advice? Find a place you can call home. This isn’t it. It’s hard to just be in this place. So much goes on you don’t even realize until you realize, you know what I mean? Go somewhere you can be free. Where you don’t have to think too rough about what you do before you do it. Find a place you can call home.”(113)
I don’t know what it is like to be a black body in modern Britain, I do know what it’s like to be an Asian man in Western Europe. The sentiment clings to my skin and I cannot seem to scrub it off. My feelings about my own existence, how it’s viewed by others, never has it been said with such candor and clarity. I know the form of limited freedom I posses, in many ways more than others share but in other ways I don’t believe I’ve ever had the freedom to exist. What must it be like to not be a permanent ‘Other’? To find oneself submerged within a crowd?
I’ve always vaguely fancied studying in South Korea, I settled for something in Europe, something closer. The longer passes since I finished Open Water the more I find myself drawn to Asia, to the idea of being free in a country. Being truly free. I’m drawing up a plan to turn a fancy into my concrete reality. It’s utterly terrifying to my bone, but I think that’s the nature of change. It’s confirming the fact that I need this, to be so utterly scared of acting means that I am terrified to the bone of not acting.
I’ve acquired an ipad and it has been a delight to use. Mind you, the experience is alright. The pencil is slightly uncomfortable for long durations but I don’t mind it too much. The writing experience is fine, incomparible to fountain pens but I hadn’t expected such a thing. The most important thing is that it is saving me tonnes of paper, it’s a device of convenience as I had expected it to be. I still write my notes on paper, the experience simply cannot be replaced, but any papers I know I will be throwing out by the end of the semester are done digitally.
I wonder why we crave infinity so badly. All of our lives are centered so often around legacy, around meaning and profoundness not because they are important to us now, but because they are infinite concepts that we concern our time with. As I glance out my window in my studio, watching time pass by I find there to be such beauty in the temporary nature of existence. The ideas behind principles, morals and ideals I don’t have any particular issue with. Life void of meaning is too uncomfortable for us to live. Rather, it is the idea that once we establish something it must last that makes me revolt. Decay may not be beautiful, but often it’s necessary. Destroying is another act of creation, if only because it makes room for a new creation.
Being sick is no fun, being sick whilst moving out is absolutely no fun.
“Starting is not most people’s problem, staying, continuing and finishing is.” - Darren Hardy
09/09/2020, Wednesday.
Advanced Inorganic Chemistry: yesterday I got the result, 28/30 it is a remarkable grade, especially with this professor. I am satisfied!
Passing the exam means I am free from university till the beginning of the lectures (it seems on the 28th September). I finally can rest, without worrying about my next step or study session or exam
It is the first time I relax for real after graduation! Bonus point: it’ll be the first birthday without working (25th September)
I know it may sound strange (considering the global situation), but I believe 2020 is my year! I graduated, passed two exams with excellents grades (gaining time during the actual master degree or laurea magistrale), had improvements done in the house (fells more mine now), kept up with training (I never look this good and never felt this healthy and energetic!) and my relation with S. is still solid
“The man who has confidence in himself gains the confidence of others” - Hasidic Proverb
25/12/2019, Wednesday.
Merry Christmas!
This year winter break means relax, time with family and feeling free! I need detachment from university, at least for a bit. I do deserve it, I earned it
Physics II: had my exam in the 23rd! I refused to enter holidays knowing I was supposed to study. I rolled up my sleeves, I gave everything I had left and I passed my exam
One exam down, one more to go (obviously divided in two parts). Not only I passed it, but I scored 30/30
Thesis: project keeps going, nothing to report. I should probably start writing something, introduction would be nice!
