#the heart rate of a mouse

Gabe: which country has the most birds?

Gabe:Portu-geese.

Patrick: that’s a language.

Gabe:Portu-gull?

Patrick: nice recovery.

Gabe: don’t you mean re-dove-ry?

Vicky: Turkey. How could you forget Turkey?

Girl: I’m a big country fan.

Sisky: China is very large.

Sisky: why would anyone wanna hurt Ryan?

William: I don’t know, maybe because they met him?

Ryan: here’s a grammar tip.

Ryan: ‘farther’ is for physical distance.

Ryan: ‘further’ is for metaphorical distance.

Ryan: ‘father’ is for emotional distance.

Sisky: …who hurt you?

Therapist: this one will be easy. Just tell me about your happiest childhood memory.

Ryan: my what now?

Cassie, holding Sisky’s hand over her stomach so he can feel the baby kick: sorry this is taking so long, he kicked for everyone else.

Jon: it’s hard for the little guy to perform under pressure.

Ryan: top 10 things Jon said on his wedding night.

Sisky: woah! It was small, but I think I felt something!

Ryan: top 10 things Cassie said on her wedding night.

Cassie:*laughs*

Jon: stop laughing at it, Cas!

Sisky: top 10 things Jon said on his wedding night!

Sisky: hey Ryan-

Ryan:no.

Sisky: you don’t even know what I was gonna say-

Ryan: I don’t care, I can guarantee the answer is gonna be no.

Vicky: hey Jon, what are the symptoms of depression?

Jon: why do you ask?

Vicky: Ryan was doing laundry earlier and he dropped a sock and I heard him say “why has God forsaken me?”

Brendon, into the microphone: how’s everybody doing tonight?

Crowd:WOO

Ryan, from the back in a normal voice: it’s been a tough few months.

Ian: I never let anything like common sense or the concern from dear friends get in the way of me having a good time.

Brendon, tired: god, I really wish you would.

Sisky: Ryan, you get all my uwus.

Ryan: I what??

Brendon:

Ryan:

Brendon: he loves you.

Ryan: oh. Uh, uwu you too kid.

Pete: are any of you straight?

Brent: *raises hand*

Joe: *raises hand*

Spencer: *raises hand*

Ryan: *slowly puts his hand up*

Brendon: *grabs Ryan’s hand, interlocks their fingers and brings it back down*

Ryan, watching Brendon from a distance: he could kill me anytime and I’d thank him.

William: I’d thank him too.

His Side: we do it for the girls and the gays, that’s it!

[the doctor’s office]

Doctor, holding up a model of a spine: this is your spine.

Sisky: what? Put it back!

Sisky: HAVE YOU SEEN MY DAD RYAN? HE’S ABOUT THIS TALL, BROWN HAIR, CLEARLY GAY BUT WE HAVEN’T HAD THE TALK

Shane:

Ryan: shut up.

Shane: I didn’t even say anything-

Ryan: you know, you look a lot like my next boyfriend.

Brendon: and you look exactly like the guy I turned down two seconds from now.

Dallon: how do you do?

Sisky: how do I do what?

Brendon: the only straight I am is a straight up bitch.