#this has been a vesper original

soo… i know that the Dumpster Fire that is 2020 America isn’t done burning yet and i’m sure there’s still plenty of fuel left to fuel the fire… you know, given who & what is fueling it. regardless, i felt a need to crawl out of the hole that i’ve inadvertently found myself in this past year to reflect aloud and air a few…. grievances… ahead of the results of the 2020 election.

as the title suggests, i’m not okay, but i’m working on it. i hope you’re doing what you can to take care of yourself, too, and as always thank you for watching! stay safe.

inspired by an old blog post and a New Year’s meme, i decided to document the last decade of my journey re: identity as a #Black, #Queer, #Nonbinary & #Asexual person in the form of a video—the 2010’s Edition of “The Neverending Queer-y”. Although cringeworthy (for me at least), the resulting compilation video illustrates what i’ve held to be true since day 1 of starting Queer As Cat: that identity, much like life, is a journey and i’m enjoying the ride. finally.

but also, thank god i’m documenting this shit, because i probably wouldn’t remember half of this stuff by now had i not spent hours upon hours journaling, recording, editing, & archiving it.

as an AFAB non-binary person with zero interest in “passing” as male, i never thought that i’d still be on HRT nearly 2 years after having started… and yet here we are.

the transition from being on HRT in Japan to being on HRT in America has been… interesting. having heard so much about it from American mass media and social media, i eventually turned to Planned Parenthood in order to pick-up on where i’d left off in Japan in terms of being on testosterone. what followed was…. well. a “Near-Religious Experience”, if ever there was one? at least, when compared to my experience in Japan.

amidst changes in injection types (intermuscular vs subcutaneous) and hormone dosages, i’ve also been navigating generalized reverse culture shock and differing perceptions of gender and gender-based societal norms between Japan & America…

tl;dr, a lot has happened since i last posted an update about being on HRT back in January. this video is my attempt at compartmentalizing & glossing over it all in 20 minutes with time points added in-video because long video is long.

having socially ‘transitioned’ my name years ago, it feels amazing to finally have my name reflected correctly on legal documents, identification, etc. not only that, "X” as a gender marker has recently become a possibility for me…!

except, you know. not really. because everything always has to be complicated for me. always. and America is fucking ridiculous.

in this video, i talk about my personal experience with socially changing my name, the process & timeline of legally changing my name in Nevada / Washingon state, and go on a tangentially relevant rant about why i personally detest the term “deadname”.

for those interested in looking into legally changing your name and/or gender marker, check out these amazing resources:

https://transgenderlawcenter.org/
https://transequality.org/documents