If a stranger misgenders you, please please please do not ever utter the phrase, “I’m a man.” It sounds very unnatural and immediately sounds overly defensive.
My advice? Just look at the person like they’re an idiot and, in the deepest voice possible, say, “Uh. Alright, then.”
Just act as though they made a huge and obvious mistake, and don’t get flustered. If you’re comfortable with it, handle the situation with humor and say something like, “Man, I know I’ve got a babyface, but I didn’t think it was thatbad.”
and if someone doesn’t believe u, say you have a hormonal imbalance + are on meds for it. it’s quick, believable, and most ppl are too uncomfortable discussing health problems with strangers to question it.
THIS POST, hang on somewhere is the notes is a sentence that changed my whole fucking life! I don’t have time to dig for it right now but
Can’t find it, going to just going to explain it. I’ve been out for like 4 and a half years. I saw this post when I was Freshly Out, and this post has been so deep in my fucking rat brain for actual years.
You have to react like you’re not expecting to be misgendered. It’s hard and it’s weird, because I know, you walk out into the world very aware and afraid of how the cis people are going to perceive you. But deadass there is a “Wow, that stranger has made a bold call there” mentality that, yeah it’s a fake it till you make it type of deal. But once I internalized that, I genuinely don’t even hear people misgendering me most of the time.
I’m nonbinary, most of the time my gender presentation priorities are Have Fun and Look Queer.
The first time I noticed that being misgendered slides off my brain like a wet duck I was in a 7/11 and a cashier tried to direct me to the cardboard drink sleeves while I was like 3rd or 4th in line (yeah it was kinda weird, I was holding a large hot coffee in my bare hand and I guess it freaked the dude out, but like my hands are actually really heat resistant I was fine, anyway) He said several variations on “Mam, would you like a cardboard sleeve for your coffee, they’re right there” and I legitimately did not process that he could possibly be talking to me until he tried something like “the one in the red hat” and then I tuned back in and declined the heat protectant sleeve. (I do not know why this human man was so insistent that I needed a heat protection cardboard sleeve, and I’m gathering that me totally zoned the fuck out to his multiple attempts to get my attention holding something that he apparently thought was made out of fucking lava probably had the exact Genderless Eldritch Horror effect that we all know and love)
I accidentally also did this to one of my professors a couple weeks ago, I was given an instruction with she/her pronouns in it, purely by accident, this professor genuinely does right by his trans students as best he can, but I legitimately did not even process that it was for me until he repeated it with they/them.
This compared with a couple years ago a different professor slipped up and used me in an example to the class with she/her pronouns and I literally barely held myself together until the end of the class, made it 4 steps out the door and started silently crying.
It feels fucking powerful in a “that should have hurt, and I didn’t even notice, cis people have no power over me” way. I have a little piece of the security that cis people have in the way that they interact with the world. And that is absolutely precious.
It takes untraining years of social conditioning, and pretending that you can’t fathom that someone would use those words on you, that no one has ever said that to you before and the words are so foreign that they mean nothing to you.
And yeah I started out begging my body not to flinch when a stranger calls out “mam”, and practicing a moment of confusion and unaffected disbelief when cashiers would ask if I found everything I was looking for “young lady” and deliberately ignoring the incorrect gendered terms. And you know op’s “Just look at the person like they’re an idiot, break out the deep voice and say “Um, alright then”” it will feel fake at first.
Butfuckat some point it stops being an act, and that feels fucking bulletproof.
Things about top surgery that I wasn’t aware of going in:
They’ll probably put a breathing tube down your throat after you’re knocked out. You’ll wake up and your throat will hurt (sort of like strep) for a few days after
You need to wear compression tights for a week or two after surgery, they’ll provide them. This is to prevent blood clots since you won’t be moving around a lot
The IV goes in your hand??? They’ll probably numb you first, which is good. But as someone who’s incredibly uncomfortable with medical needles, seeing a needle in my hand was weird
The surgeon will come in before the operation to draw on your chest. They’ll also ask what size you want your nipples to be. You need to tell the surgeon what size you want your nipples to be, don’t be afraid to be specific. These are your nipples.
Anesthesia/surgery will make you EXHAUSTED afterwards. Like “falling asleep if you’re sitting down for more than a few minutes” exhausted
The tightness of the bandage will probably cause most of the pain. Don’t mess with it, the nurse will fix it during the post-op
You will be PARCHED afterwards. You’re going to be IMMENSELY thirsty, drink LOTS of water. I found that sprite is good too, but you’ll want so much water
Part two, recovery edition:
The pain is going to come in waves. You’ll feel fine for hours then as soon as you move you’ll feel like you’ve been stabbed. It’s important to remember that the pain is temporary, but the relief is forever
Trying to sleep comfortably will be weird, because you have to sit propped up
No showers until at least your first week post-op, washing your hair in the sink or having someone to help wash it for you is your best bet
The pain medicine WILL make you sleepy, almost 24/7. Don’t fight the sleep, take naps. Fighting the sleep isn’t fun, taking naps is cozy
You won’t be able to move around much due to pain, so find a favorite show/movie/channel/literally anything you can watch or listen to while stationary
Laying down flat is BAD. Sitting up is GOOD. Sitting in some kind of couch or recliner or bed (while propped up) is BEST
Pick cozy pants that are loose fitting and easy to take off and put on, as well as a button up shirt that’s at LEAST a size or two too big. You’ll thank yourself
Changing dressings will look weird, you need to remember you’re healing. It’s not going to look perfect BECAUSE you are healing, let them heal and they’ll look nice once they’ve finished
Water and herbs are your friend. You HAVE to have a low sodium diet for a long while after, so spicing things up with herbs instead of salt is your best bet. Also water will continue to save you because thirst.
Keep everything you’ll need within like… half a foot away from you. You shouldn’t be reaching for anything
The bandages and tape will itch. It’ll suck. Taking Benadryl is supposed to help, try not to scratch at your bandages or it’ll mess with the scars
The doctors say this a lot but I’ll say it too, stool softeners. Not laxatives, stool softeners. Apparently surgery can cause difficulties with digestion and using the restroom, so better safe than sorry
DO NOT take ibuprofen or anything with ibuprofen in it!!! It can cause bleeding/complications, the doctors WILL give you prescription pain meds and you should take those as instructed. Worse case scenario, Tylenol is your friend.
There will be times when it will hurt even if you’re doing everything right. Your body just had giant stab wounds in it that are now held together by stitches. There’s gonna be pain, it’s gonna suck, but you need to remember that the pain is temporary.
Find a back scratcher. You’ll need the back scratcher. You’ll thank yourself for having the back scratcher.
Do you like blankets? Do you like stuffed animals? Do you like any kind of specific thing that makes you feel cozy? Use it. Let yourself feel cozy, it’s so much easier to feel like you’re recovering when you’re cozy
