11-13-20 // happy to be back on t

here’s an update pic as I will be going back on t — this time on gel. i’m so eager for my doc to fill this prescription. feeling immensely thankful and privileged to have health insurance.

i am praying that this week brings change to this country. thinking of all the lives lost. praying for those who are now homeless, without medications, food, family, safety…

today is heavy but i’m trying to stay hopeful.

I have been feeling a lot lately — almost like I’ve lost myself. I’ve been reflecting on a lot of things: who I am, who and why I love, manhood, accountability, brotherhood, community, dysphoria and being gentle with one’s self. Spending today on the river was definitely a much needed measure of self care.

I’ve been pretty laser-focused on Trans Men Stuff lately because of starting hormones - which is fine and to be expected, I think - but I’ve noticed that I’m also focusing on the contrast between Sam-That-Was and Sam-That-Has-Not-Yet-Come-To-Pass.

I’m noticing that focusing too narrowly on that contrast makes it reaaaallly easy for me to slip into framing it like a contrast between Fem!Sammy and Masc!Sammy. It’s all very fascinating to text my oldest guy friend about “hey, this experience was new and WEIRD, is that a testosterone thing?” And when he tells me, “Yeah, that’s a thing that is known to happen to cis dudes,” it feels good.I feel included. And then I start comparing this to myself pre-T, and it feels good to shortcut it as a binary gender thing because that emphasizes the contrast, emphasizes the transition progress.

And that is the Devil speaking. I was not happy to find that the binary framing I grew up with still has some infrastructure in my mind. I do not want to conceptualize gender as a binary. I don’t want that junk! That junk makes people start dismissing nonbinary people or forgetting about them, and I just can’t be having with that.

also, like… I don’t even conceptualize myself as binary; it’s just that my nonbinary identity doesn’t feel the most prominent at the moment.

So I’m going to be intentionally paying more attention to nonbinary Stuff for a bit here. I want to remind myself of just how broad the gender spectrum is. Top up my Respect Nonbinary People juice.

tricky-pockets:

transmascs on T please weigh in

I’m in contact with my doctor about this, so don’t worry; I’m not like… relying on tumblr for medical advice. But it would help me to hear your experiences.

When/if your voice started changing, did it fuck with your throat at all? Like, sore throat, hoarseness, scratchy cough, etc.?

also note that I’m on the gel, not injections, so there’s no concern about having accidentally hit a vein. I promise I’m in no immediate danger.

also, side note, I just ate a marshmallow and my throat is significantly less scratchy. i feel like that shouldn’t have worked.

transmascs on T please weigh in

I’m in contact with my doctor about this, so don’t worry; I’m not like… relying on tumblr for medical advice. But it would help me to hear your experiences.

When/if your voice started changing, did it fuck with your throat at all? Like, sore throat, hoarseness, scratchy cough, etc.?

also note that I’m on the gel, not injections, so there’s no concern about having accidentally hit a vein. I promise I’m in no immediate danger.

got myself a fancy bag for my

✨ T-gel ✨

transgentleman-luke:

There’s another transphobic phenomenon that we haven’t put a name to yet that I’ve realised recently (based on my own experiences). 

It’s somewhere between misgendering and degendering and can take a few forms, but the one I’ve seen most commonly is to do with names. 

E.g. if a trans person says that they go by ‘X’ name, but people refuse to call them that and use ‘Y’ nickname exclusively instead, that could be a kind of degendering-misgendering. 

    For example, a trans man called Alexander might ask people use his full name as shortening it to Alex could prompt people to think that he is a ‘girl’ called ‘Alexandra’ and not a boy called Alexander. 

   Or, a trans woman whose name is Jean being referred to with ‘She goes by Jean”, which suggests that Jean is just a nickname and not her chosen name. 

  And, someone lengthening your name in a way it isn’t. E.g. a nonbinary person called Mark might get people calling them Marcus, when their name isn’t the longer form and simply stops at Mark. 

All of these 3 are real examples, some of which I’ve experienced. I’m not sure what name to give it, but it’s like a malicious compliance, but for chosen names. 

Perhaps contragendering? (against + gendering- as in, the gendering you’re being subjected to is technically not misgendering, but it is aimed in such a way which is still against your name and identity). 

Anyone else experienced this or have thoughts?

I’ve had some similar experiences, unfortunately, and the central theme seems to be “I won’t use the name you explicitly don’twant - but I also won’t use the name you explicitly dowant.” Like they’re trying to remain tactfully neutral, but it’s actually weaselly.

My example is that after I came out to my mom as a trans man and told her what my chosen name is, she stopped using my deadname. In fact, she stopped calling me by any name at all. There’s a silly family nickname that’s incidentally gender-neutral, and she started defaulting to that.

In similar fashion, she stopped referring to me as her daughter (when she thought I was in earshot), but never referred to me as her son. She’d say I was her kid and leave it at that.

The silly nickname is one that my family has used for years; it’s not new to call me that. And it’s not wrong to say that I’m her kid. Neither of those clashes with my gender identity. But it’s what she isn’tsaying - what she’s intentionally refraining from saying - that’s important.

It’s not an effort to avoid outing me, either; she does it in front of people she knowsI’m already out to, which is almost everyone. She even does it when it’s just me and her alone.

I think it’s an effort to avoid questions. If she calls me her son in front of her friends, then she’d have to admit that the daughter she was so proud of turned out to be a trans man, oh NO.

It should go without saying that this is not good allyship. I don’t think it’s intentionally malicious, but it’s definitely cowardly to a degree that is morally blameworthy.

le-bjorn:

so tired of the insistence that bottom growth is Scary and Bad. i’ve heard so many people thinking about going on testosterone but deciding not to solely because they don’t want bottom growth because they’ve heard so much shit about it.

like, dude. it’s not that bad. it doesn’t even hurt for most people. idk where the hell that idea even came from, tbh. you want the truth? it’s a bit tingly for a week, there’s a weird ass sensation of just being Aware that it’s Growing for a month or two, and then it’s super easy to ignore. obviously there are gonna be people who have more pain than others, people who have outies so they gotta be more careful about the seam of their pants, but it’s genuinely not as scary and bad as people like to make it out to be.

it’s not like you’re growing a whole entire dick. it’ll just be like, 1-3cm on average unless you pump.

it’s ok not to want it. but i feel like there’s a lot of exaggeration being spread about the symptoms and results bc not enough people talk about it. i don’t even notice it most of the time (after a year on T). do yall wanna know the part of T that was genuinely painful? THE VOICE DROP. feels like you’ve got a sore throat for ages. totally worth it, ofc, but stock up on cough drops and try not to overexert your voice while it’s going through the initial drop.

and since i’m here, remember to clean under the hood if you do have bottom growth. that’s another thing i never see people talking about.

end PSA. have a great day

I’ve seen some posts expressing apprehension about bottom growth and I’m curious abt why - like, is it common to be scared of the discomfort or is it more about the results? idk. before I started, I hadn’t even heard that it might be uncomfortable, and it hasn’t been at all for me so far.

for what it’s worth, I second this whole post. I’m at 4 months - some bottom growth happened without me even noticing right away, but the voice drop has been BRUTAL

[Image description: A tumblr text-post, edited to obscure the majority of the post using stripes in the colours of the trans pride flag. The remaining text reads, “trans men are worthy.”]

—

trans men are worthy

Submitted by @valointhesky

transmascissues:

a few things to keep in mind as you talk about the current situation with roe v wade:

1. women are not the only people who can get pregnant, and therefore are not the only people who get abortions or the only people affected by restrictions to abortion access — sincerely, a man with a uterus
2. the recent legislation against trans people transitioning, particularly as it relates to trans men and transmasc people, has been justified by the politicians supporting it using the argument that transitioning jeopardizes our reproductive potential, which they see as more important than our actual lives. if you support the legislation against us or have been silent about it, you cannot claim to be fighting for reproductive rights. you don’t get to only care about it when it affects you — if you let them get away with that rhetoric against trans people, you give them the power to use it against you. if you can’t stand in solidarity with us, you will end up standing against yourself

please don’t forget us in these conversations, and don’t be silent about the attacks on our bodily autonomy

all of this is connected — criminalizing transition, overturning roe v wade, it’s all working toward the same goal. if you care about one part of it, you have to care about all of it, or any efforts against it willfail

if you don’t care enough about us to fight our oppression for our sake, do it because you cannot fight against your own oppression without fighting ours too

heard someone say “people act like cis people have a monopoly on gender” and that’s exactly what it is that makes people so adverse to transandrophobia. They consider cis people the definers of gendered oppression- men oppress women, there you go, case closed. and this works to an extent when talking about transmisogyny, sure. But you can’t be that lazy forever, you have to acknowledge the deeper systems at play, why exactly it is that *cis* men oppress cis *and* trans women, how they are similar and different and why. If you can’t do that, you are leaving out a lot of people in your activism who don’t neatly map to the expectations of womanhood.

When it comes to transandrophobia, cis men do not define manhood alone. as trans men and transmasculine people we have our own experiences. It’s frankly lazy to just say “men oppress women” and move on with your day. It’s lazy, damaging, and hurtful. Do better, listen to transmasculine people. We are not out to get anybody, we are literally just trying to keep our head above water while we keep getting pushed down.

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I’ve noticed a “trend” of transphobia from black cishet male celebrities, and I wanted to take some time to discus it. Specifically the kind i’ve noticed directed at trans men. Kendrick’s “Auntie Diaries” came out and detailed his understanding and progression in accepting his uncles transition. 

I haven’t listened to it in full, but I’ve read articles detailing it, as well as the constant misgendering of his uncle throughout the song. I’ve seen a lot of attempts to explain that what he’s doing is okay, and that by using slurs and misgendering it’s him “coming to terms with it”. 

In “DNA” he also had a line that’s always stuck out to me, the “You a bitch your hormones switched inside your DNA” and understanding his journey into understanding and accepting his uncle as a trans man, that puts things into context. 

But still…I don’t think that necessarily excuses anything? 

Congrats that he accepted his uncle, but the title is absolutely misgendering. The references to pronouns are misgendering. It’s still disrespectful. 

Like we don’t give J Cole a pass when he talks about how he used to call women bitches because he still does. We still hold black male celebrities who’ve seemingly become “more progressive” accountable for their perfomativeness or their lack of actually addressing their past actions. I think people hailing Kendrick as a revolutionary artist should still consider the harmful implications of what he did. 

Don’t even get me started on Dave Chappelles joke about being attacked by a trans guy. 

Black media and rap also still has a history of equating pussy to weakness, and women–which also excludes trans women from being women. 

 I think black hip-hop is a great example of how misogyny and transphobia do impact trans men, and how transmisogyny impacts trans women. 

It also contributes to the invisibility of trans men in conversations of misdirected misogyny as well as sexual harassment/assault. 

On the opposite end of the coin, it contributes to hypervisibility and risk of physical harm and homicide for trans women. 

And non-binary people just don’t exist to them lmao 

So like…he tried I guess lmao. But he could’ve done better.

I really love to hear opinions for other black trans folks, especially black trans men. 

All in all we talk about the impact that white cis men have in terms of transphobia, but i think we need to also begin to address black cishet men, and black cishet patriarchy’s role in this. As well as black cishet toxic masculinity. 

Non-black people can share, but please don’t clown. 

Also hoteps, DNI. 

Trans aces Y'all are valid

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Trans men aces ❤❤❤ Looking fine gents❤❤❤

Non binary aces ❤❤❤ Y'all are amazing❤❤❤

TRANS ACES ARE VALID

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Lesbian Trans Man Pride Flag

Lesbian: experiencing queer attraction to women; being gay for women.

Transgender: an individual who experiences a gender identity dissilimar from the one that was assigned to them at birth.

[transcript: 5 horizontal stripes colored with blue, dark blue, ½light cyan/½white, orange, and hot pink.]

Gay FTM Pride Flag

[image transcript: 8 horizontal stripes colored with pink, three shades of cyan, white, teal, blue, and purple/violet/indigo. end id.]

Gay FTM: individuals transitioning from female to male and experiencing queer attraction to men.

~ Mod A-P.