Yes, I was the other woman for those who asked years ago. Here is what really happened. I know this site is dead but I need to get my story out. Please feel free to reblog and boost.
TW:- depictions of blood, mentions of rape, suicide, abuse, humiliation in this post
Someone in my comments asked why Minho is dearly loved while he’s also said to be a misogynist with a big ego. It wasn’t addressed to me but it inspired me to write this:-Minho is supposed to be the antagonist, someone we’re supposed to hate in a manhwa about a strong, goal-driven woman. I too, was expecting to do the same for his character but I came at such a roadblock. I noticed that author wrote him in a very peculiar manner wherein he’s very arrogant, bitchy and critical but also poor, lonely, insecure and inexperienced. So instead of seeing him as a character who is mean by choice, you understand why he behaves this way. He is constantly bullied for his penis size (something the author strongly insisted is small), erectile dysfunction (which goes away when he’s being raped), his poverty, low paying job, money-strapped ways, sexual inexperience (he’s a virgin until he’s raped by the fl), he is also shamed for his alleged tendency of being a masochist even though he’s “tall and muscular”. Not to mention he doesn’t have one genuine, consensual sex scene in the manhwa, each one has the element of force and the worst scenes show him peeing, puking, crawling, feeling suicidal, getting beaten, pierced, locked up with his bones broken. Therefore, even though he’s unbearable with his meanness, you understand his side of the story, feel sickened by how he’s being treated and wonder how he’d be if he was actually seen as a human being rather than a piece of good-looking fetish flesh by the author.
Another thing to break down is how, despite his struggles and trauma (something author glosses over lest we feel worse for him than we already do), he’s still not a rapist, abuser or someone who exploits his position for power be it in sex or at work. He is also shown to be a good writer, something the mc looks up to him for and his writing was even shortlisted for the creative writing competition back in university. Although he is shown to talk in a very misogynistic manner, he is very respectful towards D* and doesn’t ever exploit or violate her like Wookyung was trying to do (yet he’s shown to be the better guy and friend to the mc, who talks and looks nice but is ultimately an opportunistic rapist if you boil it down). Minho’s criticisms about D*s work (that he made in the short period they were dating, 10 years ago) are never contested, meaning that he’s not wrong but is just too mean when he voices them. Aside from that, after D* cheated on Minho with Wookyung, he was willing to talk about it, he approached her first but she was extremely dismissive. Even after their bitter break up and after D* dropped out of college, he stayed to complete his major, worked his part-time jobs, didn’t harass or stalk her (while D* learnt to vent her anger out by thinking of raping and choking him all the time), he was working hard as an instructor, was well-liked by his students and was a valuable employee to the Dean (where it’s canonically mentioned that Minho tutored his children and organised many of his family functions, things he never got credit for).
Minho’s misogyny is also addressed towards the end of the manhwa where he confesses that he doesn’t really think less of women or their work but is actually deeply insecure about his own shortcomings hence he feels the need to pick on others. Yes, this makes him a very bad person. You shouldn’t ever bully, criticise or be mean to someone just because you feel insecure about yourself but in the context of the manhwa, every character alongside him was just as (mostly more than), messed up than him. We as readers, are made to see the flaws of each of these characters in a non-negative light. Wookyung is shown to be the clever, calculating, rich sadist who is still helpful, has a big dick, is good in bed and is on extremely friendly terms with the mc (so friendly that she comfortably had sex with him after she found out that he had raped her ex) he doesn’t suffer any consequences of his actions and author really likes him by the way he is described and his actions are encouraged. Haesol too, is shown to be very submissive and someone who simps blindly with no personal opinion to offer to the world, so much so that he joins the mc in raping her ex in later chapters and he ends up swearing a lifetime of cooking and cleaning to her (this is shown in a positive and ideal manner by the author, as if this behaviour is desirable and required in a partner). In a similar way, D* has always been impulsive, aggressive, careless, sex-driven, avoidant and also someone who regularly overlooks consent and aftercare for her own pleasures and always goes overboard in her non-consensual abuse but she is still a “BDSM queen”, according to the author, someone who deserves a good future, where she “wishes her well”, she also suffers no repercussions for raping a man relentlessly despite stating in some previous chapters how it’s important that they (the subs) should like it too.
To end with, that’s why… when we got an arrogant, sassy, misogynistic man among a set or rapists, simps and criminals, whose worst crimes are stealing and being judgemental (there are others like slapping the mc, or beating up the other ML but like… how does he only do that once in the story when he is to be subject to 3-4 long drawn out chapters of “punishment” via rape and humiliation right after?), we awaited his growth arc as is typical to any love triangle romance drama character. Instead, we got, and are still getting, chapters upon chapters of him getting more and more violated in the ugliest of ways. And neither of it is recognised as rape, abuse, suicide and violence by the author. That’s what sickens me. She has every right to write whatever she wants but she has no right to sell me a romance story that has all this in it without any prior warnings. I’d have nothing to say if author understood the impact of what she wrote but she doesn’t and mass classifies this horror under “mature romance”, Byun Minho being the worst scapegoat of a twisted mind I’ve ever seen.
I never understood why this author never has any warnings for rape and abuse in both her main story and “BL” side story….
She tries to sell to readers that Byun Minho deserves all the shit he gets cause of KaRmA,but gives a pass to literal rapist characters like D*na and Wookyung?
If you want to talk about Karmic retribution then keep the same energy for all your characters….do you realize that rape is a much worse sin that ANYTHING Minho did and is irredeemable?
Your story is a psychological horror with rape and abuse,stop parading it as a Bdsm story….DISGUSTING!
*May trigger those who write OC’s instead of ‘readers’*
New trend: readers are people before they’re the objects of your fantasy. Like, if you want to put an OC, don’t tag it as ’ x reader.’ And I certainly do not want to read about the pretty blond reader with pretty much non-existent boobs and athletic. Like, write an OC.
A reader is a form of how people read about what they could do with either idols, stars or fictional characters. At most, what we should promote when writing ‘x Reader’ stories is the sexuality of said readers so they can feel like it’s talking about them not for you to put on your appearance. Of course, we are not the same, and we won’t react the same way, and that’s okay, but do I have to be described as a blonde, pale-skinned, blue-eyed, athletic slim girl when -while still being white- I am not like that at all?
I’ve seen many people talk about the lack of black or Hispanic or any other POC on the ‘x reader’ tag. All I can think about is that do we even need to know about everything else? Can the reader be just not presented physically? Except when it’s asked as a commission or if I don’t know if it’s relevant for the story, I don’t need to know that the reader was a very catholic and petite girl with doe eyes and pursed lips most of the time.
I’ve seen great 'x readers’ stories who didn’t pinpoint what the reader looked like because it has nothing to do with the story. It’s not right to force your preferred look upon innocent readers who want to read about themselves with their favourite characters/idols/stars/whatever.
The most you can do with features that you could have would be in headcanon titled, such as: With an S/O with glasses, or With an S/O with Anxiety. Those are comforting for people who have those features and can be refreshing to read about, but in an 'x readers’ one-shot, those details are not necessary (again, not if it’s relevant for a plot).
Also, can we stop to write (M/N) when the reader is specifically male? If I’m a boy, and my name was Nathan, then it’s my name, not my male name. A name is a name. I’m not talking about dead names, that’s something else and is entirely irrelevant to this here, but if it’s about a dead name, then it’s not going to be either (F/N) or (M/N) it’s going to be (D/N)*.
What I’m trying to say is that if you’re to write about specificity in an 'X readers’ story, reflect on if it’s relevant for your story before. Suppose it’s not, like hair colours of activities, or religion (we don’t need to write about beliefs if it’s optional *). Be respectful of the shell an 'x readers’ tag is supposed to give and think about the context.
But please, don’t stop writing about chubby!Readers, POC!Readers, etc., it is essential to write about difference, advertise it before though, present your writing, and put it in the right tags, because finding smut in the fluff section can be very triggering, even if it’s soft smut.
*Not as in Daughter name
*Believe in anyone you want, just don’t put it in the middle of something unrelated like… shopping? Not everybody goes to church, and it could be triggering so thank you
WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM NINTENDO WHY ARE YOU SEXUALIZING YOUNG BOYS AND OBJECTIFYING MEN. THIS IS TRIGGERING ME I’M GOING TO SUE NINTENDO FOR VIOLATING MY HUMAN RIGHTS
If you do not want to read it or think it might be triggering for you then PLEASE KEEP SCROLLING. But if you decide to read then I am always here for you to message about anything okay? I can answer your questions privately I you wish as well(:
It’s in times like autumn where you truly appreciated London’s cold weather. It gave you an excuse you wear long sleeve tops and jumpers.
However every now and then the sun would fight the odds and the clouds and shine through. You did not like these days. These days you had to either risk over heating and funny looks and wear something with long sleeves or wear a tonne of bracelets on your wrists which just annoyed you. But you hated what was underneath the bracelets even more so you put up with them.
In some ways your boyfriend Dan had sort of saved you. He saved you practically every night , you were hating yourself so much and covering up the hate with hurt. You felt you deserved the pain for being worthless but since Dan had seen your beauty it had helped and made you sometimes start to maybe see why. But of course it was early days still and you still had days where it was to much , and you went back to your old habits.
Tonight Dan had invited you round for dinner with him and the fantastic foursome , you 5 always had such a great time together so you were looking forward to it. However you were trying to decide what to wear. It was lovely outside and Dan’s apartment was always nice and warm but of course wearing a short sleeve top would allow the whole world to see your scars and fresh wounds, which in turn is them seeing your weakness and your shame.
You decided you would just chuck a cosy knit jumper over some leggings and a navy and creme tee, you could just say it was cosy and you liked it. Perfect excuse. If worst comes to worse you can say you are tired and leave.
You hate lying to Dan and keeping this secret from him but you didn’t want him to see how weak you are, what if he left you? Plus you knew he would assume it was his fault , even though he was the only thing at night that kept you from picking up the blade again. Sometimes his strength became yours without him even knowing it.
You decided to walk the short distance to Dan and Phil’s as unfortunetay the day was perfect for walking. You got there in no time and knocked twice then went in.
When you first walked into the lounge you saw Phil and Chris on beanbags playing play station and pj was just finishing a bit of editing on his laptop. “hey guys, where’s Dan?” you inquired when you didn’t see him. Pj nodded in your direction, Phil let out a cheery “hey y/n” and Chris , of course, was the first to joke “oh yeah hi y/n so nice to see you too, yeah I’m great actually thanks for asking ! ” you all laughed. You hadn’t meant to focus straight on Dan but your mind just turned straight to your so far absent boyfriend. “sorry guys! But seriously where is he?” pj shut his laptop. “in the shower, should be nearly done” pj answered. You smiled and then sat down on the couch and watched the game play out.
5 minutes later Dan came into the living room ,his hair already straightend. “aw where’d your hobbit hair go” you moaned, it looked so sexy you thought. “and hello to you as well, my beautiful girlfriend ” Dan teased.
He came and sat next you you and draped his arm around your shoulders and you leaned into him as he kissed your forehead. Chris saw and started pretending to vomit. You and Dan got the message and he gave you a swift peck on the lips before sitting up a bit.
There was a knock on the door and you wondered who else was coming but as Phil got up and grabbed his wallet off the bench you realized it would just be a delivery guy. Sure enough Phil came back with 4 pizzas and sat them in the middle of the table “dinner is served everyone.” you all got up and Chris paused the video game and went to sit around the table. “yeah you did such a great job with dinner Phil” Dan said sarcastically. You took your seat next to Dan with pj sitting at the head of the table and Chris and Phil opposite you.
The drink had already been placed in the middle of the table so Chris started pouring everyone some coke and pj went to get some plates.
It was instinct as you were about to start the meal and pick up the greasy pizza with your hands that you carefully pushed your jumper sleeves up to your elbows like you would at home in your apartment. You reached and grabbed your glass from Chris who was handing it to you and as you took a sip of the bubbly fizzy and put your glass down you noticed Dan had frozen mid-transfer of the pizza from the box to his plate. He looked strange and he had a facial expression you had never seen before. what was goi…. No. No no no how could you have been so stupid. Dan carefully put the pizza back in the box. You weren’t at home alone anymore. No no no . You quickly pushed out your chair muttering “I need to go to the toilet” as you practically ran into the hall as you pulled down your sleeves and shut the door behind you. No . Dan had seen, he knew, what if he left you? The last thing you wanted was for Dan to find out. You were heading in the direction of the toilet but you didn’t make it that far. All your biggest fears were coming true and you couldn’t take it right now. You broke down and leaned against the wall as you slid down slowly to the ground. As you sat with your back to the wall and your head in your hands the first tears broke through the barrier and a slow cascade started to stream down your face.
The handle to the hall door started to turn and you knew someone was coming up. It must be Dan. Sure Chris and Phil noticed something was wrong with Dan but they didn’t see your wrists.
Turns out you were right a a sullen Dan appeared and shut the door quietly behind him. Your tears were falling thick and fast now and your breathing was becoming hysterical. He was about to break up with you. This was it. You couldn’t form coherent sentences but if you could you wouldn’t have known which words to use.
He bent down to where you were and without saying anything picked you up in his arms, took you into his room and sat you on the edge of the bed. He sat down beside you and you leaned in and Dan wrapped his arms around you and he just held you tight as you sobbed into his chest.
He was rocking you side to side trying to calm you down but he also knew just to wait and let you get it out. These emotions had been pent up for a long time.
Finally your breathing had slowed and your heart was slowly returning to normal. You sat back and his arms dropped from your back and he held your hands instead. You had never seen Dan look so sad. It killed you to see the hurt in those eyes. “y/n why…” “I’m so sorry Dan you…” you both started at the same time. He tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear. “you go ” he said.
“I’m so sorry*hiccup* Dan, I didn’t want you to find out , I *hiccup* please don’t leave*hiccup* … Need you… No , sorry ” you broke into tears again and he cradled you in his arms. “ y/n shh how could you think I would leave you? Why would I ever do that? I love you y/n” it felt good to hear him say those words, he always knew what you needed. “because I’m weak and I’m so ashamed of what I have done , what I do to myself. I was scared you wouldn’t want someone weak like me, I’m nothing Dan and I’m always scared you’ll realize that you deserve someone so much better.”
Dan looked into your eyes. “I don’t think any of that. I love you, babe. I just wish you’d tell me, I hate that I made you feel like this and that you didn’t let me help.” you knew he’d think it was his fault. “no Dan ! It wasn’t your fault if anything having you has helped me stop sometimes. Please Dan I love you so much you’re my everything I’m sorry I did this to myself but sometimes I can’t help it. It’s all that I feel I deserve sometimes.” Dan couldn’t even form a response to that, you could see in his face the pain that this had happened but also the love for you. He grabbed your right arm and put your wrist to his mouth and he kissed your scars. At first you felt vulnerable and weird having your scars out in the open with someone else looking at them but with Dan you knew he wasn’t judging, he was just trying to help.
Thank god you had Dan, he was so perfect. “y/n if you even feel like you want to harm yourself again you call me whenever! Okay babe? Seriously 3am call me, whenever!” you smiled and nodded because you didn’t know what to say. Tears were welling up in your eyes out of a happiness but also relief. No more secrets.
A.N: hope you liked it and please give me your feedback, good or bad. If you need someone to talk to I am always here for anyone about anything and if you would like to request an imagine then hit up my ask(: btw thank you to the person who requested this and let me know if this is what you wanted (: x
There’s no question some of the girls I have met through my recovery account have changed my life. They’ve been a constant source of support and motivation and are always there to cheer me up on the worst days.
I didn’t start my recovery account until I was over 6 months into my journey, at a healthy weight and much stronger than I had been prior to the hospital.
I felt like I could use Instagram as a way to both inspire girls just starting out in recovery as well as receive support for my own personal recovery. I felt like it was a positive step. I felt like it was a win-win.
For the most part it is. I’d say 90% of the time, my Instagram is awesome and uplifting.
However, I think sometimes recovery Instagrams can do more harm than good.
I think sometimes they are more triggering than inspiring.
Unfortunately, a lot of recovery accounts post pictures of inadequate intakes or bony “before” selfies. The girls behind these accounts are still struggling with their eating disorders and it can be tough for us to see while we are dealing with our own issues.
As someone who’s suffered with anorexia, I have a horrible tendency to compare myself to others (I’m sure you know what that’s like!).
So if someone posts a seemingly innocent picture of their dinner and it happens to be smaller than mine, I’ll feel guilty.
I shouldn’t have eaten so much. Why did I have that extra serving? Look how healthy they are compared to me.
Blah blah blah. The thoughts go on and on, spiraling out of control.
And if it’s a picture of exercising or scales or someone who’s “weight-restored” but still half my size? Forget it.
You might as well just hand me a box marked RELAPSE because that’s exactly where I’d be headed.
Luckily, I’m in a place now where those pictures don’t send me off into a dark place. Sure, sometimes I catch myself comparing or feeling guilty but I’m strong enough and far enough along in my recovery I can stop it before it’s a full blown relapse.
If you’re just starting out though, it can be a lot more difficult to protect yourself.
That’s when I think you should take a step back from Instagram. Or at the very least clean up your feed so you are only following truly “safe” accounts.
It’s okay to recognize Instagram as a trigger. It doesn’t make you weak or pathetic or cowardly.
Being able to know what is harmful to your recovery and then having the strength to remove it from your life is powerful. It’s brave. It’s actually pretty darn amazing.
It means you’re taking back your life. You aren’t enabling your eating disorder.
UseInstagram as a tool for inspiration but be aware of its risks and dangers. Don’t let it hurt you. Don’t let it stop you from recovering.
