Yoooo

It’s like three months late but here’s our pride performance! We weren’t perfect, but we did our best and everyone seemed to appreciate it. It’s the thought that counts, right?

A little more of the danceeeeee

Some dance work for the group that I’m working with right now

Here’s some more work to our routine!!! It’s not polished yet, but I’m so happy it’s written!!

Here’s the first bit of the routine for the Pride Event!!!

So my friend and I (she’s appeared in most of the videos on here) are choreographing a routine for the pride event that is happening in our town. So stay tuned for videos of us mostly failing at trying to write work and probably screaming as we try to do scary tosses!

Can you tell it’s been a long winter of no spinning?

We were finally able to get outside and spin!!! I can’t wait until it’s warmer and the cold doesn’t make me flinch when I catch my flag

so apparently Stranger Things is casting for a marching band and the only requirement is that the people are under 30. what I would like to know is if they’re casting a color guard???? because I would TOTALLY go for that!!! I really want them to cast for a color guard but even if they do I’m not sure I would be able to do it or whatever, but it’s the thought that counts!

UPDATE!!!!: they’re only casting people that play instruments (I hope a bunch of high school band nerds have an amazing time auditioning!) I’m super bummed out that they don’t have a color guard, buuuutttt at least some people will live out their dreams!

Successful one-handed 45 and a GIF of my failed one I’m amazing at this whole guard thing

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank my high school color guard and winter guard team, as well as the band as the staff of all three for all they have done for me. Entering high school was a really rough time for me, and throughout my four years there I faced a TON of bullshit. But both my teams, the band, AND the staff were there to support me and help me through everything. Yeah, there was definitely some drama, but in the end we all came out of it together and I could never be more thankful for that.

Thank you high school band class, for making me who I am today and teaching me so many lessons that I will need as I continue this adventure called life.

You know what one of the best feelings is? That breathlessness after you finish a show. That split second right after a show ends where you’re like wow I did that… I accomplished so much and in that second it doesn’t matter that you messed up or that you dropped that toss, all that matter is you survived the whole show. I find myself missing that feeling…

Yesterday was the first time we’ve had warm weather in a LONG while and I was finally able to go out and just chuck my flag into the air. There’s just something about catching a toss just the right way, where you hear it clink and your hands hurt because of how solidly you caught it that always gives me chills. I can’t wait for more warm weather…

I kind of hate the saying practice makes perfect. I think practice makes progress is more fitting, especially in guard, because there is always something to improve on. You can add more breaths, or catch a toss more solid, or point your toes harder. There’s always something you can do better to impress the judges. So if you have free time during practice, always practice the stuff you’re not confident in first, but after, practice what you do know and make it better.

Home Show

We had our home show yesterday. It was super fun and exciting, but I dropped my solo rifle toss. I was literally front and center on the floor and I dropped it.

This is something that happens in all guard shows. Even with all the training and technique, a person will sill drop a piece of equipment, frequency varies, but equipment drops, that’s just part of the guard life.

However, your reaction to the drop determines the rest of your show. After I dropped my toss, I was embarrassed, I was angry, and I had tears in my eyes. But I made a split second decision that I wasn’t going to let this ruin the rest of the show. And I didn’t.

I performed the rest of the show with a smile on my face and I didn’t drop any of my other tosses.

The problem with dropping is that we allow the one drop to get into our heads and then we screw up the rest of the show because all we can think of is “I’m gonna drop that toss” and “I’m not good enough for this”

But if you make the decision to keep smiling through your frustration and anger and allow yourself to accept you dropped, but not be overcome by the fact, you can show the judges and the audience that you made a mistake. Make up for it with the rest of the show.

Okay… so yesterday we had a winter guard competition, obviously, what else would you do on a Saturday? Anyway, I’m sick, and I didn’t realize how sick I was until I started spinning and my vision began to grey around the edges and I saw stars. I was allowed to sit out, but I felt like I was hurting the team. Here I was, sitting on the floor and watching them as they started a FOUR HOUR practice. Like…. shouldn’t I just get over this and spin?

Fast forward to the end of practice when we had the final run through before we loaded up the bus and the truck, I was determined to do it, but I was terrified I was going to pass out. Luckily, I made it through the whole thing. I collapsed at the end and one of my teammates told the others to give me space. What astonished me was that my coach laid down beside me to ask if I was okay. And she just talked to me and said I had time to eat and rest on the bus and that everything was going to be okay.

I feel like I’ve pegged my coach as a bad one, but she’s not, she’s absolutely amazing. I just felt like I didn’t deserve it because I wasn’t able to participate in so much of the practice. And after I was able to stand up, the whole team was there making sure I was okay and had plenty to eat and some of them even told me I was strong and brave for coming to practice even though I felt so bad.

Like what?

I barely did anything during practice and even when I did I was just air spinning! How is that strong???

I guess what I’m trying to say here is… yeah I have no idea what I’m trying to say…

Maybe we’re all stronger than we think and we don’t know that until we’re surrounded by the right people? Maybe I’m just thankful to have such an amazing team? I’m not really sure….

But that’s it, that’s my story

P.S. we absolutely kicked ass at that performance

It’s weekends like these that make me so happy. We’ve closed the gap between us and our biggest competitor, less than a point separating out scores. And I’m just sitting here on the bus ride home remembering how how these amazing people I’ve been spinning with have worked and there are no words to describe how proud I am. I’m just so proud. My heart and mind are full of memories of how hard we have worked to put such a show on the floor. Giving it out all. Yes, we all have days where we snap at one another and there are days where we are too tired and there are days where we give up. But we never fail to rise up and lift up one another to the point where we KICK ASS!

One of the things hat excites me the most about this program is that I’m aware that we aren’t the only guard that has these experiences. It’s universal, and that is what makes it so wonderful because you know you’re competing against these amazing people that also give it their all.

It’s not enough to just want it, you have to feel it. You have to release that toss and know that you’re going to catch it. Learn new work the day of the performance and feel yourself doing it perfectly on the field. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been doing this for years or months. If you can feel it and see yourself doing it correctly, you have nothing to worry about.

someone: oh, you’re in marching band? cool! what instrument do you play?

me: uhhhhhhhh ᶦ’ᵐ ᶦⁿ ᵍᵘᵃʳᵈ