#aftg incorrect quotes
Neil: So. You like me?
Andrew:
Neil:
Andrew: It’s four in the goddamn morning and I literally married you.
Neil: Well yeah but I thought it was because of tax benefits
Andrew: And you are right. Good night.
Neil: Wait, Andrew— do you like me as a friend though or do you like like me?
Andrew: I am honestly also second guessing this marriage.
Aftg characters as things without context I heard people in my class say:
~~~
Nicky: And they’re like “ohh but he had a feeling she was there” NO. THE ONLY FEELING HE HAD WAS GAY FEELING
~~~
Andrew: I’m serious, you need to be careful. Yesterday a guy in my class got his phone stolen inside the school
Renee: really? that’s really bad… Do you at least know who did it?
Andrew: Yeah. I did. But that’s besides the point-
~~~
Dan: Oh my god I want that jacket
Allison: You want the jacket? I want the girl wearing it
~~~
Kevin: Do not.
Andrew:
Neil:
Kevin: Do. Not.
Andrew and Neil:MEOW
Kevin: [angry scream]
~~~
Nicky: maybe they’ll never find out…
Renee: Oh they know. Jesus watched your unholy behavior and told them *calmly sips on drink*
~~~
Nicky: Hey cutie
Neil:wha-
Nicky: Can I get your insta? My mom told me to follow my dreams *bites bottom lip in a “seductive” way*
Neil:
Neil: that was my 13th reason
~~~
History teacher: and these women had ways of making an abortion safetly, all by themselves-
Allison: Teach me!
Allison: oh wait I’m a lesbian never mind.
Allison, turning to a very disappointed Kevin: I forget that shit sometimes
~~~
Matt: Oh my god that baby is dancing like Jesus! Copycat
Nicky: how do you know he ISN’T Jesus?
Matt: Dunno bro, all babies are the same
Nicky: not really. normal babies don’t usually have like a cow and a dunkey next to their bed when they’re born
Neil: nowadays, most of them don’t have fathers either
Matt: fair enough but still
Nicky: look dude all I’m saying is that I never saw THAT baby and Jesus in the same room so-
~~~
Neil: *walks in*
Dan: hey is that a new shirt?
Renee: looks good on you :)
Andrew, who entered 2 seconds after: *looks Neil up and down*
Andrew, with a disgusted face: what bet did you loose?
~~~
Dan: You’re the only white person in the group… Isn’t it weird? Do you ever regret becoming friends with us?
Allison, looking Dan and Matt dead in the eyes: I do regret becoming friends with you most of the time, but not because you’re black. Just because you’re idiots.
~~~
Kevin: Unlike you, weak people, no one ever dares to hit me and no one ever will.
Neil: Kevin the only reason why I don’t trow a rock at you right now is because I’m a peaceful person.
~~~
Matt: You guys are actually a cute couple sometimes. Do you have pet names or something?
Neil: Sure, watch-
Neil, yelling across the court: I LOVE YOU BABE
Andrew, also yelling: FUCK OFF BITCH
Neil, with a soft smile:see?
~~~
Teacher, seeing the very agrecive hickeys on Andrew’s neck: Jesus Christ are you okay kid? What happened?!
Andrew, shrugging:mosquito
Neil:*walks in* sorry I’m late-
Nicky: HI MOSQUIT- *gets punched by Andrew*
wymack: all right partner up for drills
andrew *joking*: alright neil pick your partner
neil:okay…kevin
andrew:
the foxes:
wymack:
andrew: *chucks his shoe straight at neil’s fucking head*
andrew *turning left in the maserati*: that man better fucking brake for us otherwise we’ll die
neil: i would be the only one dead. he would hit my side of the car and then i would be smushed to bits all over your car
andrew: ew, let’s avoid that. i don’t want your bloody remains in my car, that’d be a pain to clean out.
kevin *sitting in the back, being ignored*: i like how your first thought was “neil’s death would inconvenience me.” and not “omg that’d be awful, neil would be dead!”
kevin:don’t associate or talk to rico, it’ll only make things worse.
neil: don’t worry, i’m not that stupid
*a few minutes of contemplation later*
neil: actually, i am. bye!
neil: my head hurts
kevin: that’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity
Andrew: just be yourself!
Neil: which one?
lets take a minute and imagine…
few years later, Andrew and Neil are on the same team
Coach: where is Andrew?
Neil: he went to the hospital because his sister’s baby just debut yesterday
Coach: you mean born?
Andreil be like
Allison: Good morning everyone! You guys have a wonderful day today!
Nicky: That sounds sinister and threatening
Allison: Then have a horrible day bitch, damn..
Neil, writing in his diary: dear diary, how are you? I’m fine
Neil:
Neil:
Neil, groaning and continuing: okay, I’m not fine. You got me. Damn you’re good.
AFTG AS BROOKLYN99
“Here are two pictures,” Kevin said, holding photos out. “One is your desk. The other is a garbage dump in the Philippines. Can you tell which is which?”
Nicky surveyed both pictures. “That one’s the dump,” he said confidently, pointing at the one in Kevin’s left hand.
“They’re both your desk,” said Kevin.
Erik: Is something burning?
Nicky:Just my love for you.
Erik:Nicky, the toaster is on fire.
yes i am sucker for eriknicky whacha gonna do about it
neil ver
neil: What goes up but never comes down?
andrew: The amount of stress you give me
nicky ver
nicky: What goes up but never comes down?
andrew: The amount of stress you give me
Neil: I like to play this game called nap roulette. I take a nap and don’t set an alarm. Will it be 20 min or 4 hours? Nobody knows. It’s risky and I like it.
Renee: I think my guardian angel drinks.
Kevin: Life keeps fucking me and I can’t remember the safeword.
Roses are red,
I wanna scream;
Sugar is sweet
„You are a pipe dream.”
Renee: I’m a nice person, but I’m about to start throwing knives at people.
