#lgbtq book
Raising the bar - C.J Heid
Simon, after having a nosebleed: Welp. Time to wash the blood off my hands.
Neil: I like to play this game called nap roulette. I take a nap and don’t set an alarm. Will it be 20 min or 4 hours? Nobody knows. It’s risky and I like it.
Henry: I tried to write ‘I’m a functional adult’ but my phone changed it to ‘fictional adult’ and i feel like that’s more accurate.
Shepard: I’m gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and fight my own soul.
Renee: I think my guardian angel drinks.
Alex after he just passed the bar, seeing a banana on the car seat: What the FUCK??
Alex, buckling the banana up: Fucking buckle UP, it’s the LAW!
Kevin: Life keeps fucking me and I can’t remember the safeword.
Penny when they went to NowNext: I came out here to attack people and I’m honestly having such a good time right now.
Simon: I’m the sexiest bitch in this therapy waiting room.
Alex: What’s the one thing I told you not to do?
Henry: Burn the house down.
Alex: And what did you do?
Henry: I made you dinner!
Alex:
Henry:
Henry, sighing: And burnt the house down.
Renee: I’m a nice person, but I’m about to start throwing knives at people.
Simon: As someone who has a long history of not understanding anything, I feel confident in my ability to continue not knowing what is going on.
Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent.
Simon: I choose to waive that right!
Simon: *Screaming*
June: That awkward moment when you’re scrolling through someone’s old Instagram posts and you accidentally comment the entire Declaration of Independence.
Simon: Is that vodka?
Baz: Yeah.
Penny: Straight?
Baz: No, gay.
Penny: The vODKA NOT YOU!
June: Don’t tell your mother :)
Nora: Kiss one another :)
June: DIE FOR EACH OTHER—
Henry, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I’ll drink my sorrows away.
Penny: Tbh, I am an extremely chill person, as long as things go exactly the way I need and expect them to every day.
Nora: I need to dye my hair.
Alex: …
Nora: Or get a tattoo.
Alex: …
Nora: Or a piercing.
Alex: Why?
Nora: To, you know, appease the mental breakdown Gods.
Simon: The last time I went to an urgent care clinic, I checked off ‘excessive crying’ on the symptom list, and then the nurse got really confused and said that was meant for babies.
Nicky: I just found out that humans are capable of fitting a light bulb into their mouth with ease but can’t take it out without shattering it, and now I have to physically restrain myself from putting a light bulb in my mouth
Nora: Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The X makes it sound cool.
Penny to Simon: I love you when you try to seem normal. <3
Andrew during tfc: Drink your school, stay in drugs, and get 8 hours of drugs.
