“Great!”

“Fine.”

“I’m good.”

“I’m alright”

“All good.”

“Not bad.”

You don’t actually give a shit anyways. 

I learnt overtime that I realize my own predictions. Repeat the same process and hope that things will miraculously turn right. I live with this consciousness of stupidity, taught myself to be void of emotions so I will never get hurt. In return it’s a sense of emptiness that consumes every other aspect of self.

This talk of all or nothing, no return is for if I do come back with less of myself, I can think about not losing the whole. I do not deserve to think that I have problems and issues because they are relative terms. How do you fight both sides of a war and still lose? (A reader brought up this statement awhile ago. I am afraid I don’t have an answer, or maybe I am too coward to commit to one)

I am not sure when I started preferring cowardice over failure, emptiness over turbulence, pity over aggression. I don’t plan on fixing them and I don’t want to be fixed. This stubbornness chases my consciousness around. By now I’ve written myself into contradiction so I will just leave it at this.

I do not believe I will ever have the courage to admit that my hostility comes from vulnerability, at least not for awhile. It hurts me that my vulnerability hurts others. It hurts me to know that my weakness is a weapon. I said I don’t feel sympathy. I don’t. Not for you. Maybe, I don’t know. When you trip over me, I penalize myself for my clumsiness to the point I completely forgot you were lying there in pain. I walk away without a bruise, head filled to the brim with replays of my inability. Except I didn’t trip you over, except you weren’t lying there in pain, it was, something else, and much worst. 

I’ve been wondering for awhile now whether I should include images in this tumblr. After all, that’s sort of the point of tumblr right? When I first start I felt words leaves room for imaginations, but over time you also realize, there’re things you can’t quite put into words. As a person who create images on a daily basis, I understand people’s preferences for different artistic styles and their potential bias. Perhaps there’s an objectivity to clean typography on a blog page, or maybe I am too timid to drift away from this objectivity or being judged. I am still unsure.

I opened up my eyes so quickly I felt a jolt in my body. I was panting. I closed my eyelids again, trying to grasp the dream that was slipping away. 

The rest of the day I spent reminiscing the silhouettes and impressions that were left behind. I was dreaming with my eyes open. I imagined the silhouette re-enacting the scene, although this time it was slightly different. It was a bit more satisfying as I choreograph these imageries at will. It was, sitting there across me. It was, standing there beside me. It was, reciting the words I carefully composed. My heart was racing. I find myself gazing at objects. Ordinary objects I cannot recognize for my mind was occupied. How could you not see when you eyes are open? I was seeing colours but I was blind. I was hearing words but I was deaf. Sensations bottlenecked at the tip of my spine. 

Just as my mind was choreographing the hauntingly beautiful scenarios, my logic started to tear it apart. I was breathless from this longing for perfection and clarity of reality. I realize I cannot stay up 24 hours a day, I realize I cannot live without air, I realize that expectations are co-related to frustrations. 

I dismissed these imageries and put on this armour of objectivity that protects me from disappointment. When good things do finally happen, it will be, an arranged surprise. 

I was waiting for the bus. Here in my city, a bus stop can serve many different bus routes. By waving your arm in the air, you signal the driver to let you board. It was winter, having previously lived in a cold city, I was wearing far less then the passer-bys and they seemed to have noticed the oddity as well. As usual my mind was occupied and this was easily dismissed. In my hand was a piece of paper, I was holding it so I would not forget the purpose of my trip. I thought about the outcome, and how the day would end. In what felt like a blink of an eye, I saw a flash, like a cut scene in a movie. I was running, waving my arms frantically at the driver. Through the dusty window his eyes caught mine, he wrinkled his nose and paused his lips, the bus came to a stop on a downhill slope. “I’m sorry, I was thinking and got distracted.” I wish I have his reflex as almost immediately he bickered, “What the hell were you thinking? Dates?” It was valentines day. I sat down without a word and compose insults in my mind all while feeling guilty. The piece of paper was tucked in my sketchbook along with the other medical documents. I never gather enough courage to deliver my witty comment to the bus driver.

When day becomes night and night becomes day. I told myself, I will go to bed after this and the infinite hyperlinking transcends time. When finally I succumb to droopy lids, set aside my reading materials (whether it’s a laptop or a book) on the empty side of my double bed and lie down. Sometimes I close my lids and all I see are statics from my brain neurons firing. I thought about what I read, and the day and people’s faces. Did I come off too strong? I should have said something. Why is it like this? Suddenly I thought of a word I didn’t understand but was too lazy to look up earlier. I got up and search the dictionary or wikipedia. By the time I enter my blanket I realize that satisfaction only last as long as another alien thought comes up. I left it to dreaming and wake up feeling a bit haunted from all the weird combination imageries. That, would be the better nights. Other times, I enter my blanket only to realize my alarm is about to go off in an hour. I sat on the couch and enter a lucid dream phase where I find myself either tidying room half consciously or staring into the back of my eyelids. Alarm sound is harsh. Some cheap instant coffee and it begins the cycle of another sleepy day. 

We were having fried chicken, burger and fries at a very nice diner. (at least to me it is, some may say it’s old-fashioned) I had been grumpy all day. You thought this stubbornness had gone on for way too long so you asked. I started turning the silver knife in my hand, trying to focus on an answer. A few seconds later I realized my mind was blank and all I was doing was following the light reflected from the knife. “You’ve already done it. I am just gonna comply,” I said. Knowing very well that wasn’t the right answer. “Why would you think I planned this?” You looked into my eyes as if you were trying to enter a dark cave. I replied saying I don’t know, dodging your gaze. “When you first asked I said no. It wasn’t a yes or no question as you say. You were looking for an opinion.” Fragments of past conversations flew past me, I caught the piece that says ‘opinion’. “I was. We needed some references.” You said. My twirling of the knife turned into repeated notes of knife hitting plate. "But the outcome is a yes. It doesn’t matter whether it was a yes to begin with or after. It isn’t a no and nothing I said mattered.“ Your next reply went on a tangent. I only remembered the last sentence. "It wasn’t planned.” I couldn’t hide my frown. “It wasn’t that. I told you I would deal with it now that it’s done.” The crisp sound of china plate is now blunt and impatient. “Why did you think it was planned?” You asked again. I shook my head, everything is turning blurry. I stood up and said I needed to use the washroom. I walked across the restaurant quickly only to realize that the washroom was on the other side of the room. 

You sat in front of me, staring, waiting for an answer. I glanced at my laptop, hoping the music will miraculously turn up louder and drown this pin drop silence. I now hate myself for turning down the music in the first place to show the person respect. Millions of memory fragments brushed past me. I thought about the food on the table, the clothes that I am wearing, your words and the emotions….. “I won’t exist if it wasn’t for you,” I said. I saw a vein on your forehead flinched. "Shit,“ I thought. You leaned back your chair and said, "Is that it? Because if that’s it it’s very scary.” My ability to summarize reasons of love isn’t very sensual. My existence to me is all that I have left. I reason in my head that I exist because you fill me up. But you only see an empty shell, with you on the outside. You asked me if I will one day just disappear. I didn’t even think that was something I can get enough courage to do until you mention it. “No, I won’t” I said, realizing now I’ve made a life-time promise. I looked at you, so solid and so real. I am now overwhelmed to the point that anything you say becomes a ringing noise. I imagine in my head, a trash can, and I simulate dumping things into it. The ringing quiets down, and you have stopped talking as well. You looked at me as if I have just made a weird facial expression. Maybe I did, I will never know and I don’t want to know.

I don’t think I am lost really. I spent way too much time creating and replaying scenarios in my head it overloads me as I become mindful of my obsessiveness. I managed to set these feelings aside and walk out calmly, decided that I will go with the flow and that I will be happy with the small moments that happens ahead of me, instead of feeling unfulfilled of my carefully constructed ideas. You came along and question how much time I have put into my future plans. It bothers you that I did not give you a reason and that I am “without a plan”. I got annoyed and felt slightly offended. You ask me why I am acting repulsive. I said, “I don’t know.” Because last time I try to explain I was greeted by another swarm of questions. It’s not that I don’t want to recite my plan. Trust me, if I can print out my head and let you read it as a book I will. I ran out of energy to speak, to translate it into layman’s term. And frankly, we don’t have the time. I know so well before I even finish my story, you will be attacking every vocabulary I use when I don’t even believe in exact definitions in the first place. (These vocabulary doesn’t even come close to the painting in my head but in order to explain I have to find a word for it) Maybe I am just tired. Like a traveller who needs a break from his scheduled flight. If it makes you feel better thinking that I am lost then so be it. Or maybe I am lost, but I am quite happy about that and your concern becomes another package I have to carry. I am selfish. Your glorified way of telling me you were hurt does not result in the sympathy you deserve. That pains me. Things goes in cycle. Do you see why I want to wander out this madness? I am, immature, selfish and reckless. I am, lost, clueless and spontaneous as you call it. Lost in my own constructed world of patterns and truths. I have again come to contradict the very first sentence of my article. As I know there’s no good way for me to end this article. I shall leave it abrupt like this.

Do other INFJ’s have trouble communicating their thoughts and feelings?

Yes.

INFJ have trouble communicating their thoughts and feelings.

It is one of the banes of an INFJ’s existence.

Romantically, we won’t articulate how we feel about someone until we are 1000% sure they feel the same way or that they have told us first.

Sometimes we feel that when a person knows us well, they should always know what they mean, that isn’t always true. If we don’t say anything, they won’t know.

We let people take advantage of us and sacrifice our boundaries when we love and care for someone until we stand up for ourselves.

We use music to speak for us.

We write better than we speak, so if you want to know how we truly feel, ask us to write you a letter.

Music can say things that we can’t find the words to say.

Many of us do not like rejection, especially in dating, so we sit on the sidelines more often than not unless we know the person is interested.

We let things that bother us slide when we care for you

Many people don’t value our opinion, and if we discover it, we find other ways to show others that we have a lot to bring to the table

An INFJ has to trust you to be comfortable and vulnerable

Our body language and facial expressions can say more than our words may ever.

Be patient and help INFJ’s be comfortable around you if you want to know and understand who they are at their core, loving individuals.

We are just so afraid of prior hurts occurring again that we become guarded

How emotional are INFJs?

Their hearts are so sensitive and they are so overwhelmed with feelings to the point where their hearts extend 300 meters around them like a radar range. In this range around the INFJs, their hearts will detect the littlest feelings. When they detect a surge of sadness or anything negative, they won’t be ok until they come to the rescue! They’re like firefighters who fight negative feelings and don’t expect a thanks from others, but it’s appreciated.

They are amazing people! They listen and listen and listen because they want to give you a chance to speak. They internalize a lot of things and don’t like to share things or ideas before they perfect them! They don’t like others to judge them.

They are amazing beings. They’re so mature no matter what their age is. They’re so wise and understanding to the point that they seem like they’ve lived l this life a hundred times before.

Are INFJs complex people?

Portrait of an INFJ:

“INFJs are hard to get to know. They have an unusually rich inner life, but they are reserved and tend not to share their reactions except those they trust. Because of their vulnerability through a strong facility to introject, INFJs can be hurtrather easily by others, which, perhaps, is at least one reason they tend to be private people. People who have known an INFJ for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that INFJs are inconsistent; they are very consistent and value integrity. But rhey have convoluted, complex personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.”

So, by conclusion; yes, INFJs tend to be (romantization or not) temptatious to get to know, and well, therefore I personally do think so, that is coming from their yet unraveled & intricate side they want to hide and burry inside their own soul.

Why I think INFJs are complex people:

1.INFJs much “deviate” from the social norm due to them being Ni doms and mostly are “with their heads in the clouds.”

2.INFJs want to seek genuine, authentic, and deep connections amongst their life; but also meaningful conversations, sophistication, education/knowledge, wisdom, etc. (;and even need for the sake of their well-being!)

3.INFJs have very high standards regarding life, their careers, love, and relationships; so, everything. Why is that? Yeah, probably because they intuitively & instinctively know what they can do with all their gathered wisdom & knowledeg (+care) they have innate inside their very existense; because INFJs indeed are nothing but “Old Souls,” when truly matured and groomed.

4.INFJs want intimacy in love and romantic relationships — they simply want to taste the stars flavour.

5.INFJ believe in the good & the bad of people, they know no black & white, but see beyond that; that is, I guess, what makes INFJs truly fascinating (or, intriguing), they want not only to get to the “point” but turn the point around until they feel they’ve checked every side they could/there is.

6.INFJs just adore and love to do and understand sophisticated and complex things; e.g the MBTI system- cognitive functions, the universe and its breadth of unfathomable possibilities and structures, psychology, love — really anything where you almost can’t conceptualize to wrap your head around ;).

7.INFJs are simple yet have this contradictive inner-layer of “splits” in them. The intricacy in them, manifested and well-bloomed attuned into their character — is almost always incentivising for “pulling strings” in a way that is not conceivable for any other of the 15 personality types.

What are some struggles of having the INFJ personality type?

INFJs make up just one percent of the population. Because of their rarity, INFJs inevitably face many unique challenges and I’ll be telling them to you below.

Overwhelm

Most INFJs are empathic and highly sensitive. In other words, they deeply feel the emotions of others. Combine their sensitivity with their innate desire to help those in need, and you have a recipe for overwhelm.

Being creepily observant

INFJs have a unique ability to pick up on subtle cues that others miss. They use their keen observation skills and intuition to read between the lines during conversations. Sometimes their ability to read people can be misinterpreted as creepy or intense.

People pleasing

Because INFJs genuinely want to help people, they often fall into the trap of being people pleasers. They give and give and give some more, all the while neglecting their own needs and desires. Learning to say “no” and establish healthy boundaries can be a lifelong challenge for INFJs.

Feeling like an outsider

It can be lonely being such a unique snowflake personality! It’s easy for INFJs to feel like outsiders who don’t fit in.

Losing touch with their true self

Because they feel so different from everyone else, INFJs often try to ‘fix’ themselves by mimicking other more common personality types. They might get so good at pretending that they fool even themselves. It becomes more and more difficult to reconnect with their authentic self.

Confusing or offending people with their behavior

INFJs are known for being great conversationalists who others flock to. They love people and love to socialize. Except, of course, when they don’t. Just like any other introverted personality, INFJs lose energy during social interaction. At a certain point, they need to be alone.

Naturally, others are confused, and sometimes offended, when a usually sociable INFJ shuts down and wants to be left alone.

Overthinking

The INFJs love of the mysterious and complex can be a double-edged sword. It’s easy for them to over analyze things to the point where they lose sleep. They can also become so absorbed in what’s happening inside their head that they lose touch with the outside world.

What are your thoughts on INFJs?

My thoughts are that we are complex human beings who crave to be understood

We crave vulnerability and trust, but understand these take time

We are the best lovers because we seek to know and understand you, without judging

We are often seen as snobs or stuck up simply because people refuse to get to know us

If you want an honest opinion, ask us

We obsess about things we care about. We are passionate about the things we love, we want to know everything about it

Too many of us worry about the opinions of others until it is too late

We are perfectionists

We overthink too many things

We judge intentions, not actions

If you lie to us, we will find out, and we may never trust you again

We are overall amazing people who are often misunderstood because society doesn’t want to look beyond the surface.

What are the three main defining qualities of INFJs?

All parts of being the moralistic, judgemental, altruistic nutcases that make them so interesting (love INFJs):

1. Moral maturity - they have a very good view of what is right or wrong and they go out of their way to improve that view - via news, documentaries, travel, academia etc.

2. Truly living the moral code - they don’t preach - they act on their morals. INFJs nudge, council, help and crusade (if needed) to make the world a better place, especially for those less fortunate. This is not an ideal to them - it is a way of life. If all your friends abandon you and you are alone in the worst of circumstances / have no one to help, the person who comes to stand by you will be an INFJ. The moral living thing also means they do not tend to give a crap about shallow stuff like personal wealth / ostentatious possessions.

3. INFJ Social Interaction - part of the moral thing, I figure, is being quite judgemental about people. INFJs tend to make snap decisions about people - classifying them as good / amusing / deep people they do want to be around, boring / shallow people they only engage in superficial conversation with and bad / really superficial people they avoid at all costs. INFJs then tend to try and steer all social engagement to one on one or small group activities with the good people. INFJs will often become resistant, rebellious and even sulky / petulant if compelled to go to large social engagements where people they don’t like will be present.

What are some truths about INFJs?

1. INFJs love helping people.

2. They soak up other people’s energy.

3. It takes work to get to know them.

4. They hate small talk.

5. They are introverts but people will guess them to be extroverts because of their extroverted feelings.

6. They can often mimic other personality types.

7. Don’t trifle with them. You don’t want to be on their bad side.

8. They are better at writing than they are at verbal communication.

9. They may not show you their deepest self for years.

10. Lastly, never lie to an INFJ. They will know and it will matter!

What are some different versions of the INFJ personality type?

INFJ’s shadow side: darkness and anger

In the unlikely event you have betrayed an INFJ, cut deeply through their hearts then watch out - because nothing is more frightening than seeing one get their all. Afterall, Jesus was apparently an model INFJ. That’s right. Beware the scorch. You get him angry and he’ll go locust on your arse.

Of course, everything below is ‘worst case under-developed’ INFJ anger cases. It isn’t what INFJ’s do all the time. It is, extremely rare. Most have the patience of an iceberg waiting for hell to freeze over. Or a turn the other cheek style. But for those of you who want some insight into the darker, shadier side of an INFJ …venture down below, i dare you. — INFJ Anger style: The incorruptible ninja on a vendetta:

It means facing your fears and exposing the grittiness of your own human existence. Sound familiar INFJ? Okay, it sounds like martyr-dom and yes, it is. An INFJ knows ALL about martyrdom.

In extremely threatening cases, an INFJ can go all angry ninja style on anybody’s arse. And i mean emotionally. They will cut you up and hang you out to dry. Emotionally. That is the key word here.

He we won’t stop until he’s wasted your emotional landscape, and neither will we. INFj’s at their weakest or best can be like double edged swords, yes we can see deep into people’s hearts, their motivations their good qualities, mirror their thoughts, actions and their desires to bring you relief or joy. INFJ’s listen not only with their ears, but with their heart, they can process and nurture people’s good qualities instinctively and mirror your what you want to hear. They are capable of forgiveness even of those with heinous crimes on their records, because yes - they know instinctively that everybody is human, all of us are interconnected and we all make mistakes, an INFJ has an uncanny ability to recognize that everybody is just a mirror of themselves. The best INFJ’s carry a karmic awareness at all times.

However, INFJ’s can also see through people’s weaknesses, their motivations, their dark sides and their 'secrets’ if you will, we watch carefully how they treat strangers with ill will, and notice if they treat their friends with kindness or if they are self serving. With that knowledge they back it up like a hard drive. They remember. How they use that information, is up to them. That choice, is what makes them grow or go backwards.

God forbid anybody come across an INFJ, hell or highwater because once you cross them - at best they will drop you like a hot pan and dissappear regardless of how long you’ve known them. At worst, be prepared for having all your insecurities and fears gutted and exposed. And they make sure you remember. They can dive deep into your heart to inspire you, but like that double edged sword they can cut straight into your heart with their words. They tell you the truth exactly as it is, whilst you are still grappling with the fact they knew how you felt all along, they expose all your ugliest motivations to air and for all to see. INFJ’s are adept at understanding the language of the human heart and what it wants and needs on an intangible level. They are expert emotional anthropologists. They understand boundaries and will not tell people how you feel, what is on your mind. This is because they know this information is precious, of course… until the shit hits the fan so to speak and then, they reveal everything about you. The ugly you. Every. Ugly. Detail.

They get under your skin and let loose slowly and methodically (yep, there’s that organization in action) anything they know about your weaknesses, everything they use turns it a kind of melodramatic piece of theatre relaying everything from your sexual indiscretions, faults, lack of listening skills and weaving it expertly by making sure every one of your emotional weaknesses are exploited. They hone in on your fears at the present moment and creatively exploit them for full effect, targeting fears, anxieties, guilt and expertly play them like a symphony. They understand the darkness in themselves and they recognize it in you.

Hell hath no fury like an INFJ scorned. Subtle, slow and insidioius is the scorned style of an INFJ. They can get creative with their scorn - they might have the dignity and coldness of a queen while they exploit your weaknesses. They personally tailor each and every remark for full emotional effect. They may tell you calmly and caustically why you cheated them and explain your insecurities in front of a large group of intimate friends whilst you sweat, hiding their motives behind dry wit and humour. They will adjust their level of scorn for whatever is appropriate for your character. If it’s a quick, derisive comment or a long confession of your insecurities - they will know which button to press to get to your heart. If it’s guilt they want to summon, they know what to say to make you feel it, they’ll remember an event or a whisper of an insecurity you have and they will bring it up. They remember the nuances in your dialogue, your emotional landscape - they remember your weaknesses and in an organized (judging) manner, categorically shoot each and every one of them down till they are satisfied you have sated their need for justice.

The scariness (or genius) of an INFJ however lies in the fact that they know how to adjust the temperature of their perceived hurt so that the other person feels the full effect of their remarks. Just as they can easily take the emotional temperature of a room just by walking into it, they know that getting completely angry is ineffective. So they manage their delivery intuitively, depending on your character so that the recipient has no room to retaliate - an INFJ instincitively knows if they expose a certain insecurity in you and say something softly, it is more effective than going completely a-wohl. They skirt over your anger and any issues they know will completely provoke you to not listening at all. They want to expose the truth, come hell or high water and if that means you feel reduced to something like a small child - totally exposed and a little humiliated, so be it. They will broach the topic carefully, throw in a caustic remark - you might not be able to retaliate to because the topic for you is so personal. It is completely tactical. They want to expose you remember, so they think carefully about the delivery of a remark and it’s intention before it comes out.

You know that secret you told them when you first met them with an open heart and open mind? If you’ve deeply betrayed them, they will remember it, bring it up and flippantly tell you they weren’t really listening, and they didn’t really care for it if that’s what it takes to hurt you.

The purpose? The truth of course. The phrase, 'Shed light on your sorry ass’, has never been more apt.

This is the darkness and shadow of an INFJ.

On one hand, the capacities described here can be unhealthy INFJ behavior. On the other hand, my perspective is that they aren’t unhealthy when one is dealing with, say, an abuser or a sociopath.

I’ve only ever had to take one person down using my capacity to systematically uncover and tell them (that person) the truth about the ugly underneath their mask. My primary goal in that process was to stop the person from harming me. My secondary goal was to do everything I could to ensure that the person would be unable to harm others like me in the future.

I know I succeeded in the primary goal, and I do believe I also succeeded in the secondary one. I have no regrets about acting as I did. I think we should use these capacities if they are ever warranted. I hope that it is never warranted - but if/when the need does occur, IMO it’s not necessarily a bad thing that we can be dangerous when truly crossed by people who do harm.

This doesn’t have so much to do with any of this other then the shadow emerging in an INFJ discussion point. I’ve been wanting to share this song with PerCs for a while, and was waiting for the “appropriate” time. This obviously is not that time. But I’m sick of waiting, don’t want to make a thread, and the shadow topic is sort of relevant, depending on how you choose to interpret Maynard’s lyrics. Please enjoy. I hope you can see the dots I see connecting this all.

Excellent post, Kermi. I know this about myself. I hate the fact that I “gather information” on people like I do, and “back it up” like you said, but I do. That’s why I have always worked on controlling my anger, because, if I get angry enough, and someone pushes me past the whole “glare at you, and become deathly quiet” phase, then I can destroy someone with words, and alienate that person that hurt me, or made me angry.

I do what I can to love people, but rather than backing up information (I do that anyways, just subconsciously) and using it against them I like to attack them on the mental level by asking questions (haven’t had to yet). Why did you do that? Does it feel good to do that? To behave like that? Why do you feel the need to behave this way? Does it make you feel better than an animal? Does it honestly make you feel like a better human being? Don’t you feel that you’re better than that? Or are you better than that?

If there is a physical retaliation (haven’t had one yet) I plan to do what I can to defend myself depending on how the situation is. If it is simply a fight, then I will only do surface damage, but if my life is threatened then I plan on doing damage, possibly internally.

I’m rarely confronted by people who were initially so honest after seeing me lash out. The person that usually confronts me tells me that I choose such harsh words, and that I succeed in helping them assume a feeling of lowliness, guilt, ugliness, or a whole list of other negative things. They usually seem to be saying this against their will or even in tears… I’ve just made the person miserable.

To be blunt: I recount and retell each and every last thing that was done and I highlight all the mistakes and disadvantages of such. Wether I use cursing, crude language, or any derogatory remark is irrelevant. The way I present what I say is made with as much coherence as I can use to arrange the information and the conclusion is just as painful to hear.

Some people get hurt more than others, but I don’t think anybody wants to hear things like these… Sometimes somebody shows that they don’t care if about what I’m saying when I’m lashing out and I can’t really see it in their face or movement, but they were affected in a powerful and irreversible way, and the pattern of their behaviors towards me seems almost permanently altered. They will avoid me A LOT. They will hesitate to say things to me face to face but would rather say things behind my back. I got what I wished for: to be left alone; but it sucks!

I can’t forget the times this happened. I can’t forget who told me this, or who didn’t tell me this but showed me how terrible what I’ve said was. I remember how they told me, and I remember sensing how their aura that radiated outward seems to be going inward instead.

This is why I’d much rather withdraw and leave when I’m angry.

Original notes:

However, INFJ’s can also see through people’s weaknesses, their motivations, their dark sides and their 'secrets’ if you will, we watch carefully how they treat strangers with ill will, and notice if they treat their friends with kindness or if they are self serving. With that knowledge they back it up like a hard drive. They remember. How they use that information, is up to them. That choice, is what makes them grow or go backwards.

God forbid anybody come across an INFJ, hell or highwater because once you cross them - at best they will drop you like a hot pan and dissappear regardless of how long you’ve known them. At worst, be prepared for having all your insecurities and fears gutted and exposed. And they make sure you remember. They can dive deep into your heart to inspire you, but like that double edged sword they can cut straight into your heart with their words. They tell you the truth exactly as it is, whilst you are still grappling with the fact they knew how you felt all along, they expose all your ugliest motivations to air and for all to see. INFJ’s are adept at understanding the language of the human heart and what it wants and needs on an intangible level. They are expert emotional anthropologists. They understand boundaries and will not tell people how you feel, what is on your mind. This is because they know this information is precious, of course… until the shit hits the fan so to speak and then, they reveal everything about you. The ugly you. Every. Ugly. Detail.

They get under your skin and let loose slowly and methodically (yep, there’s that organization in action) anything they know about your weaknesses, everything they use turns it a kind of melodramatic piece of theatre relaying everything from your sexual indiscretions, faults, lack of listening skills and weaving it expertly by making sure every one of your emotional weaknesses are exploited. They hone in on your fears at the present moment and creatively exploit them for full effect, targeting fears, anxieties, guilt and expertly play them like a symphony. They understand the darkness in themselves and they recognize it in you.

Hell hath no fury like an INFJ scorned. Subtle, slow and insidioius is the scorned style of an INFJ. They can get creative with their scorn - they might have the dignity and coldness of a queen while they exploit your weaknesses. They personally tailor each and every remark for full emotional effect. They may tell you calmly and caustically why you cheated them and explain your insecurities in front of a large group of intimate friends whilst you sweat, hiding their motives behind dry wit and humour. They will adjust their level of scorn for whatever is appropriate for your character. If it’s a quick, derisive comment or a long confession of your insecurities - they will know which button to press to get to your heart. If it’s guilt they want to summon, they know what to say to make you feel it, they’ll remember an event or a whisper of an insecurity you have and they will bring it up. They remember the nuances in your dialogue, your emotional landscape - they remember your weaknesses and in an organized (judging) manner, categorically shoot each and every one of them down till they are satisfied you have sated their need for justice.

The scariness (or genius) of an INFJ however lies in the fact that they know how to adjust the temperature of their perceived hurt so that the other person feels the full effect of their remarks. Just as they can easily take the emotional temperature of a room just by walking into it, they know that getting completely angry is ineffective. So they manage their delivery intuitively, depending on your character so that the recipient has no room to retaliate - an INFJ instincitively knows if they expose a certain insecurity in you and say something softly, it is more effective than going completely a-wohl. They skirt over your anger and any issues they know will completely provoke you to not listening at all. They want to expose the truth, come hell or high water and if that means you feel reduced to something like a small child - totally exposed and a little humiliated, so be it. They will broach the topic carefully, throw in a caustic remark - you might not be able to retaliate to because the topic for you is so personal. It is completely tactical. They want to expose you remember, so they think carefully about the delivery of a remark and it’s intention before it comes out.

You know that secret you told them when you first met them with an open heart and open mind? If you’ve deeply betrayed them, they will remember it, bring it up and flippantly tell you they weren’t really listening, and they didn’t really care for it if that’s what it takes to hurt you.

The purpose? The truth of course. The phrase, 'Shed light on your sorry ass’, has never been more apt.

This is the darkness and shadow of an INFJ.

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Oh yes, I am familiar with this darkness all too well. Between a friend I had to leave for being too unstable and a sick INFJ mother, I’ve learned to actually train myself to deal with this hurt.

What these two have in common, for better or worse, is that almost nobody takes them seriously at this point. The fact of the matter is most INFJs dominated by their shadows are not well-liked people. Their destructive behavior will always be stopped sooner or later because nobody likes them. Well balanced and happy INFJs? Oh man, friends, lovers, and family like no other. Sick, shadow side ones? Disregarded by most people because they’re often seen as irrational.

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I’ve only ever truly raged out once and it was much more physical than this thread describes, but it was very much the same pouring tirade of caution-to-the-wind hate. I still count myself incredibly lucky that the man at whom it was directed wasn’t where I thought he’d be because I don’t know what I’d have done if I’d found him.

But I still think he’d have deserved it, so I have no idea if you’d call it unhealthy or not. I do know that a part of me takes pride in the show of aggression. I think that’s something all INFJs have inside us, a beast-like desire to rip apart the things that hurt us. I think that’s why we bring up topics like this. We’re proud of the vicious parts of ourselves. We paint them as weakness, but see them see them as strength. And we want to show off that strength.

Ironically, we INFJs can feel like we’re made to understand others, yet others don’t understand us.