INTP Big Brain

16 Personalities: “[INTPs] are considered the most logically precise of all the personality types.”

INTP: *takes their sleeping pill with mountain dew* Yes. This makes sense.

what even is calm at this point i’m constantly on edge hahaha

a conversation between an intp & an infj

i think you know which is which

Do other INFJ’s have trouble communicating their thoughts and feelings?

Yes.

INFJ have trouble communicating their thoughts and feelings.

It is one of the banes of an INFJ’s existence.

Romantically, we won’t articulate how we feel about someone until we are 1000% sure they feel the same way or that they have told us first.

Sometimes we feel that when a person knows us well, they should always know what they mean, that isn’t always true. If we don’t say anything, they won’t know.

We let people take advantage of us and sacrifice our boundaries when we love and care for someone until we stand up for ourselves.

We use music to speak for us.

We write better than we speak, so if you want to know how we truly feel, ask us to write you a letter.

Music can say things that we can’t find the words to say.

Many of us do not like rejection, especially in dating, so we sit on the sidelines more often than not unless we know the person is interested.

We let things that bother us slide when we care for you

Many people don’t value our opinion, and if we discover it, we find other ways to show others that we have a lot to bring to the table

An INFJ has to trust you to be comfortable and vulnerable

Our body language and facial expressions can say more than our words may ever.

Be patient and help INFJ’s be comfortable around you if you want to know and understand who they are at their core, loving individuals.

We are just so afraid of prior hurts occurring again that we become guarded

How emotional are INFJs?

Their hearts are so sensitive and they are so overwhelmed with feelings to the point where their hearts extend 300 meters around them like a radar range. In this range around the INFJs, their hearts will detect the littlest feelings. When they detect a surge of sadness or anything negative, they won’t be ok until they come to the rescue! They’re like firefighters who fight negative feelings and don’t expect a thanks from others, but it’s appreciated.

They are amazing people! They listen and listen and listen because they want to give you a chance to speak. They internalize a lot of things and don’t like to share things or ideas before they perfect them! They don’t like others to judge them.

They are amazing beings. They’re so mature no matter what their age is. They’re so wise and understanding to the point that they seem like they’ve lived l this life a hundred times before.

Are INFJs complex people?

Portrait of an INFJ:

“INFJs are hard to get to know. They have an unusually rich inner life, but they are reserved and tend not to share their reactions except those they trust. Because of their vulnerability through a strong facility to introject, INFJs can be hurtrather easily by others, which, perhaps, is at least one reason they tend to be private people. People who have known an INFJ for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that INFJs are inconsistent; they are very consistent and value integrity. But rhey have convoluted, complex personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.”

So, by conclusion; yes, INFJs tend to be (romantization or not) temptatious to get to know, and well, therefore I personally do think so, that is coming from their yet unraveled & intricate side they want to hide and burry inside their own soul.

Why I think INFJs are complex people:

1.INFJs much “deviate” from the social norm due to them being Ni doms and mostly are “with their heads in the clouds.”

2.INFJs want to seek genuine, authentic, and deep connections amongst their life; but also meaningful conversations, sophistication, education/knowledge, wisdom, etc. (;and even need for the sake of their well-being!)

3.INFJs have very high standards regarding life, their careers, love, and relationships; so, everything. Why is that? Yeah, probably because they intuitively & instinctively know what they can do with all their gathered wisdom & knowledeg (+care) they have innate inside their very existense; because INFJs indeed are nothing but “Old Souls,” when truly matured and groomed.

4.INFJs want intimacy in love and romantic relationships — they simply want to taste the stars flavour.

5.INFJ believe in the good & the bad of people, they know no black & white, but see beyond that; that is, I guess, what makes INFJs truly fascinating (or, intriguing), they want not only to get to the “point” but turn the point around until they feel they’ve checked every side they could/there is.

6.INFJs just adore and love to do and understand sophisticated and complex things; e.g the MBTI system- cognitive functions, the universe and its breadth of unfathomable possibilities and structures, psychology, love — really anything where you almost can’t conceptualize to wrap your head around ;).

7.INFJs are simple yet have this contradictive inner-layer of “splits” in them. The intricacy in them, manifested and well-bloomed attuned into their character — is almost always incentivising for “pulling strings” in a way that is not conceivable for any other of the 15 personality types.

What are some struggles of having the INFJ personality type?

INFJs make up just one percent of the population. Because of their rarity, INFJs inevitably face many unique challenges and I’ll be telling them to you below.

Overwhelm

Most INFJs are empathic and highly sensitive. In other words, they deeply feel the emotions of others. Combine their sensitivity with their innate desire to help those in need, and you have a recipe for overwhelm.

Being creepily observant

INFJs have a unique ability to pick up on subtle cues that others miss. They use their keen observation skills and intuition to read between the lines during conversations. Sometimes their ability to read people can be misinterpreted as creepy or intense.

People pleasing

Because INFJs genuinely want to help people, they often fall into the trap of being people pleasers. They give and give and give some more, all the while neglecting their own needs and desires. Learning to say “no” and establish healthy boundaries can be a lifelong challenge for INFJs.

Feeling like an outsider

It can be lonely being such a unique snowflake personality! It’s easy for INFJs to feel like outsiders who don’t fit in.

Losing touch with their true self

Because they feel so different from everyone else, INFJs often try to ‘fix’ themselves by mimicking other more common personality types. They might get so good at pretending that they fool even themselves. It becomes more and more difficult to reconnect with their authentic self.

Confusing or offending people with their behavior

INFJs are known for being great conversationalists who others flock to. They love people and love to socialize. Except, of course, when they don’t. Just like any other introverted personality, INFJs lose energy during social interaction. At a certain point, they need to be alone.

Naturally, others are confused, and sometimes offended, when a usually sociable INFJ shuts down and wants to be left alone.

Overthinking

The INFJs love of the mysterious and complex can be a double-edged sword. It’s easy for them to over analyze things to the point where they lose sleep. They can also become so absorbed in what’s happening inside their head that they lose touch with the outside world.

What are your thoughts on INFJs?

My thoughts are that we are complex human beings who crave to be understood

We crave vulnerability and trust, but understand these take time

We are the best lovers because we seek to know and understand you, without judging

We are often seen as snobs or stuck up simply because people refuse to get to know us

If you want an honest opinion, ask us

We obsess about things we care about. We are passionate about the things we love, we want to know everything about it

Too many of us worry about the opinions of others until it is too late

We are perfectionists

We overthink too many things

We judge intentions, not actions

If you lie to us, we will find out, and we may never trust you again

We are overall amazing people who are often misunderstood because society doesn’t want to look beyond the surface.

What are the three main defining qualities of INFJs?

All parts of being the moralistic, judgemental, altruistic nutcases that make them so interesting (love INFJs):

1. Moral maturity - they have a very good view of what is right or wrong and they go out of their way to improve that view - via news, documentaries, travel, academia etc.

2. Truly living the moral code - they don’t preach - they act on their morals. INFJs nudge, council, help and crusade (if needed) to make the world a better place, especially for those less fortunate. This is not an ideal to them - it is a way of life. If all your friends abandon you and you are alone in the worst of circumstances / have no one to help, the person who comes to stand by you will be an INFJ. The moral living thing also means they do not tend to give a crap about shallow stuff like personal wealth / ostentatious possessions.

3. INFJ Social Interaction - part of the moral thing, I figure, is being quite judgemental about people. INFJs tend to make snap decisions about people - classifying them as good / amusing / deep people they do want to be around, boring / shallow people they only engage in superficial conversation with and bad / really superficial people they avoid at all costs. INFJs then tend to try and steer all social engagement to one on one or small group activities with the good people. INFJs will often become resistant, rebellious and even sulky / petulant if compelled to go to large social engagements where people they don’t like will be present.

What are some truths about INFJs?

1. INFJs love helping people.

2. They soak up other people’s energy.

3. It takes work to get to know them.

4. They hate small talk.

5. They are introverts but people will guess them to be extroverts because of their extroverted feelings.

6. They can often mimic other personality types.

7. Don’t trifle with them. You don’t want to be on their bad side.

8. They are better at writing than they are at verbal communication.

9. They may not show you their deepest self for years.

10. Lastly, never lie to an INFJ. They will know and it will matter!

What are some different versions of the INFJ personality type?

INFJ’s shadow side: darkness and anger

In the unlikely event you have betrayed an INFJ, cut deeply through their hearts then watch out - because nothing is more frightening than seeing one get their all. Afterall, Jesus was apparently an model INFJ. That’s right. Beware the scorch. You get him angry and he’ll go locust on your arse.

Of course, everything below is ‘worst case under-developed’ INFJ anger cases. It isn’t what INFJ’s do all the time. It is, extremely rare. Most have the patience of an iceberg waiting for hell to freeze over. Or a turn the other cheek style. But for those of you who want some insight into the darker, shadier side of an INFJ …venture down below, i dare you. — INFJ Anger style: The incorruptible ninja on a vendetta:

It means facing your fears and exposing the grittiness of your own human existence. Sound familiar INFJ? Okay, it sounds like martyr-dom and yes, it is. An INFJ knows ALL about martyrdom.

In extremely threatening cases, an INFJ can go all angry ninja style on anybody’s arse. And i mean emotionally. They will cut you up and hang you out to dry. Emotionally. That is the key word here.

He we won’t stop until he’s wasted your emotional landscape, and neither will we. INFj’s at their weakest or best can be like double edged swords, yes we can see deep into people’s hearts, their motivations their good qualities, mirror their thoughts, actions and their desires to bring you relief or joy. INFJ’s listen not only with their ears, but with their heart, they can process and nurture people’s good qualities instinctively and mirror your what you want to hear. They are capable of forgiveness even of those with heinous crimes on their records, because yes - they know instinctively that everybody is human, all of us are interconnected and we all make mistakes, an INFJ has an uncanny ability to recognize that everybody is just a mirror of themselves. The best INFJ’s carry a karmic awareness at all times.

However, INFJ’s can also see through people’s weaknesses, their motivations, their dark sides and their 'secrets’ if you will, we watch carefully how they treat strangers with ill will, and notice if they treat their friends with kindness or if they are self serving. With that knowledge they back it up like a hard drive. They remember. How they use that information, is up to them. That choice, is what makes them grow or go backwards.

God forbid anybody come across an INFJ, hell or highwater because once you cross them - at best they will drop you like a hot pan and dissappear regardless of how long you’ve known them. At worst, be prepared for having all your insecurities and fears gutted and exposed. And they make sure you remember. They can dive deep into your heart to inspire you, but like that double edged sword they can cut straight into your heart with their words. They tell you the truth exactly as it is, whilst you are still grappling with the fact they knew how you felt all along, they expose all your ugliest motivations to air and for all to see. INFJ’s are adept at understanding the language of the human heart and what it wants and needs on an intangible level. They are expert emotional anthropologists. They understand boundaries and will not tell people how you feel, what is on your mind. This is because they know this information is precious, of course… until the shit hits the fan so to speak and then, they reveal everything about you. The ugly you. Every. Ugly. Detail.

They get under your skin and let loose slowly and methodically (yep, there’s that organization in action) anything they know about your weaknesses, everything they use turns it a kind of melodramatic piece of theatre relaying everything from your sexual indiscretions, faults, lack of listening skills and weaving it expertly by making sure every one of your emotional weaknesses are exploited. They hone in on your fears at the present moment and creatively exploit them for full effect, targeting fears, anxieties, guilt and expertly play them like a symphony. They understand the darkness in themselves and they recognize it in you.

Hell hath no fury like an INFJ scorned. Subtle, slow and insidioius is the scorned style of an INFJ. They can get creative with their scorn - they might have the dignity and coldness of a queen while they exploit your weaknesses. They personally tailor each and every remark for full emotional effect. They may tell you calmly and caustically why you cheated them and explain your insecurities in front of a large group of intimate friends whilst you sweat, hiding their motives behind dry wit and humour. They will adjust their level of scorn for whatever is appropriate for your character. If it’s a quick, derisive comment or a long confession of your insecurities - they will know which button to press to get to your heart. If it’s guilt they want to summon, they know what to say to make you feel it, they’ll remember an event or a whisper of an insecurity you have and they will bring it up. They remember the nuances in your dialogue, your emotional landscape - they remember your weaknesses and in an organized (judging) manner, categorically shoot each and every one of them down till they are satisfied you have sated their need for justice.

The scariness (or genius) of an INFJ however lies in the fact that they know how to adjust the temperature of their perceived hurt so that the other person feels the full effect of their remarks. Just as they can easily take the emotional temperature of a room just by walking into it, they know that getting completely angry is ineffective. So they manage their delivery intuitively, depending on your character so that the recipient has no room to retaliate - an INFJ instincitively knows if they expose a certain insecurity in you and say something softly, it is more effective than going completely a-wohl. They skirt over your anger and any issues they know will completely provoke you to not listening at all. They want to expose the truth, come hell or high water and if that means you feel reduced to something like a small child - totally exposed and a little humiliated, so be it. They will broach the topic carefully, throw in a caustic remark - you might not be able to retaliate to because the topic for you is so personal. It is completely tactical. They want to expose you remember, so they think carefully about the delivery of a remark and it’s intention before it comes out.

You know that secret you told them when you first met them with an open heart and open mind? If you’ve deeply betrayed them, they will remember it, bring it up and flippantly tell you they weren’t really listening, and they didn’t really care for it if that’s what it takes to hurt you.

The purpose? The truth of course. The phrase, 'Shed light on your sorry ass’, has never been more apt.

This is the darkness and shadow of an INFJ.

On one hand, the capacities described here can be unhealthy INFJ behavior. On the other hand, my perspective is that they aren’t unhealthy when one is dealing with, say, an abuser or a sociopath.

I’ve only ever had to take one person down using my capacity to systematically uncover and tell them (that person) the truth about the ugly underneath their mask. My primary goal in that process was to stop the person from harming me. My secondary goal was to do everything I could to ensure that the person would be unable to harm others like me in the future.

I know I succeeded in the primary goal, and I do believe I also succeeded in the secondary one. I have no regrets about acting as I did. I think we should use these capacities if they are ever warranted. I hope that it is never warranted - but if/when the need does occur, IMO it’s not necessarily a bad thing that we can be dangerous when truly crossed by people who do harm.

This doesn’t have so much to do with any of this other then the shadow emerging in an INFJ discussion point. I’ve been wanting to share this song with PerCs for a while, and was waiting for the “appropriate” time. This obviously is not that time. But I’m sick of waiting, don’t want to make a thread, and the shadow topic is sort of relevant, depending on how you choose to interpret Maynard’s lyrics. Please enjoy. I hope you can see the dots I see connecting this all.

Excellent post, Kermi. I know this about myself. I hate the fact that I “gather information” on people like I do, and “back it up” like you said, but I do. That’s why I have always worked on controlling my anger, because, if I get angry enough, and someone pushes me past the whole “glare at you, and become deathly quiet” phase, then I can destroy someone with words, and alienate that person that hurt me, or made me angry.

I do what I can to love people, but rather than backing up information (I do that anyways, just subconsciously) and using it against them I like to attack them on the mental level by asking questions (haven’t had to yet). Why did you do that? Does it feel good to do that? To behave like that? Why do you feel the need to behave this way? Does it make you feel better than an animal? Does it honestly make you feel like a better human being? Don’t you feel that you’re better than that? Or are you better than that?

If there is a physical retaliation (haven’t had one yet) I plan to do what I can to defend myself depending on how the situation is. If it is simply a fight, then I will only do surface damage, but if my life is threatened then I plan on doing damage, possibly internally.

I’m rarely confronted by people who were initially so honest after seeing me lash out. The person that usually confronts me tells me that I choose such harsh words, and that I succeed in helping them assume a feeling of lowliness, guilt, ugliness, or a whole list of other negative things. They usually seem to be saying this against their will or even in tears… I’ve just made the person miserable.

To be blunt: I recount and retell each and every last thing that was done and I highlight all the mistakes and disadvantages of such. Wether I use cursing, crude language, or any derogatory remark is irrelevant. The way I present what I say is made with as much coherence as I can use to arrange the information and the conclusion is just as painful to hear.

Some people get hurt more than others, but I don’t think anybody wants to hear things like these… Sometimes somebody shows that they don’t care if about what I’m saying when I’m lashing out and I can’t really see it in their face or movement, but they were affected in a powerful and irreversible way, and the pattern of their behaviors towards me seems almost permanently altered. They will avoid me A LOT. They will hesitate to say things to me face to face but would rather say things behind my back. I got what I wished for: to be left alone; but it sucks!

I can’t forget the times this happened. I can’t forget who told me this, or who didn’t tell me this but showed me how terrible what I’ve said was. I remember how they told me, and I remember sensing how their aura that radiated outward seems to be going inward instead.

This is why I’d much rather withdraw and leave when I’m angry.

Original notes:

However, INFJ’s can also see through people’s weaknesses, their motivations, their dark sides and their 'secrets’ if you will, we watch carefully how they treat strangers with ill will, and notice if they treat their friends with kindness or if they are self serving. With that knowledge they back it up like a hard drive. They remember. How they use that information, is up to them. That choice, is what makes them grow or go backwards.

God forbid anybody come across an INFJ, hell or highwater because once you cross them - at best they will drop you like a hot pan and dissappear regardless of how long you’ve known them. At worst, be prepared for having all your insecurities and fears gutted and exposed. And they make sure you remember. They can dive deep into your heart to inspire you, but like that double edged sword they can cut straight into your heart with their words. They tell you the truth exactly as it is, whilst you are still grappling with the fact they knew how you felt all along, they expose all your ugliest motivations to air and for all to see. INFJ’s are adept at understanding the language of the human heart and what it wants and needs on an intangible level. They are expert emotional anthropologists. They understand boundaries and will not tell people how you feel, what is on your mind. This is because they know this information is precious, of course… until the shit hits the fan so to speak and then, they reveal everything about you. The ugly you. Every. Ugly. Detail.

They get under your skin and let loose slowly and methodically (yep, there’s that organization in action) anything they know about your weaknesses, everything they use turns it a kind of melodramatic piece of theatre relaying everything from your sexual indiscretions, faults, lack of listening skills and weaving it expertly by making sure every one of your emotional weaknesses are exploited. They hone in on your fears at the present moment and creatively exploit them for full effect, targeting fears, anxieties, guilt and expertly play them like a symphony. They understand the darkness in themselves and they recognize it in you.

Hell hath no fury like an INFJ scorned. Subtle, slow and insidioius is the scorned style of an INFJ. They can get creative with their scorn - they might have the dignity and coldness of a queen while they exploit your weaknesses. They personally tailor each and every remark for full emotional effect. They may tell you calmly and caustically why you cheated them and explain your insecurities in front of a large group of intimate friends whilst you sweat, hiding their motives behind dry wit and humour. They will adjust their level of scorn for whatever is appropriate for your character. If it’s a quick, derisive comment or a long confession of your insecurities - they will know which button to press to get to your heart. If it’s guilt they want to summon, they know what to say to make you feel it, they’ll remember an event or a whisper of an insecurity you have and they will bring it up. They remember the nuances in your dialogue, your emotional landscape - they remember your weaknesses and in an organized (judging) manner, categorically shoot each and every one of them down till they are satisfied you have sated their need for justice.

The scariness (or genius) of an INFJ however lies in the fact that they know how to adjust the temperature of their perceived hurt so that the other person feels the full effect of their remarks. Just as they can easily take the emotional temperature of a room just by walking into it, they know that getting completely angry is ineffective. So they manage their delivery intuitively, depending on your character so that the recipient has no room to retaliate - an INFJ instincitively knows if they expose a certain insecurity in you and say something softly, it is more effective than going completely a-wohl. They skirt over your anger and any issues they know will completely provoke you to not listening at all. They want to expose the truth, come hell or high water and if that means you feel reduced to something like a small child - totally exposed and a little humiliated, so be it. They will broach the topic carefully, throw in a caustic remark - you might not be able to retaliate to because the topic for you is so personal. It is completely tactical. They want to expose you remember, so they think carefully about the delivery of a remark and it’s intention before it comes out.

You know that secret you told them when you first met them with an open heart and open mind? If you’ve deeply betrayed them, they will remember it, bring it up and flippantly tell you they weren’t really listening, and they didn’t really care for it if that’s what it takes to hurt you.

The purpose? The truth of course. The phrase, 'Shed light on your sorry ass’, has never been more apt.

This is the darkness and shadow of an INFJ.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Oh yes, I am familiar with this darkness all too well. Between a friend I had to leave for being too unstable and a sick INFJ mother, I’ve learned to actually train myself to deal with this hurt.

What these two have in common, for better or worse, is that almost nobody takes them seriously at this point. The fact of the matter is most INFJs dominated by their shadows are not well-liked people. Their destructive behavior will always be stopped sooner or later because nobody likes them. Well balanced and happy INFJs? Oh man, friends, lovers, and family like no other. Sick, shadow side ones? Disregarded by most people because they’re often seen as irrational.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I’ve only ever truly raged out once and it was much more physical than this thread describes, but it was very much the same pouring tirade of caution-to-the-wind hate. I still count myself incredibly lucky that the man at whom it was directed wasn’t where I thought he’d be because I don’t know what I’d have done if I’d found him.

But I still think he’d have deserved it, so I have no idea if you’d call it unhealthy or not. I do know that a part of me takes pride in the show of aggression. I think that’s something all INFJs have inside us, a beast-like desire to rip apart the things that hurt us. I think that’s why we bring up topics like this. We’re proud of the vicious parts of ourselves. We paint them as weakness, but see them see them as strength. And we want to show off that strength.

Ironically, we INFJs can feel like we’re made to understand others, yet others don’t understand us.

Strengths of the INFJ Personality

1. A wonderful sense of observation

We INFJs notice little details about our surroundings, and we especiallynotice little details about people. For this reason, INFJs love to people watch. People-watching allows us to study human nature without actually having to interact with anyone.

I often notice small details like what someone is wearing or if the customer said “thank you” to the cashier. And for me, it’s always interesting observing two people talking without eavesdropping on the conversation but rather just looking at their body language. I’m sure most INFJs will agree that our people-watching isn’t meant to be creepy. Rather, it’s how we analyze human behavior and societal norms — which is fascinating for the inquisitive INFJ.

2. Natural empaths

INFJs are very good at empathizing with others, even when we’ve never directly experienced what the other person is going through. We can easily put ourselves in other people’s shoes and see things from their perspective.

For example, I recently worked as a team leader for the Youth Conservation Corps in Hawaii, where I was in charge of six young adults. I felt that one of my biggest accomplishments was getting to know each of my team members on a personal level but also holding true to my role as an authority figure and a mentor. One day, I had a deep conversation with one of these young adults who told me his life story and what was presently troubling him. I mostly just listened and soaked up all that he said — and also what he wasn’t saying. I picked up on his body language, change in tone of voice, and overall demeanor. I got into a zone where nothing else mattered; my sole purpose right then was to listen and try to understand what was going on in his life.

At the end of our conversation, this young man told me that he’d never shared so much with anyone else in his life. I’m not trying to boast, but I believe it was my natural INFJ empathy that helped him open up.

Ironically, we INFJs can feel like we’re made to understand others — yet others don’t understand us.

3. Extremely creative

Whether it’s art, literature, music — or even something like creating lesson plans for students — INFJs are never short on ideas. There are many writers, musicians, entertainers, and great thinkers who are thought to be INFJs, such as Alanis Morissette, Edgar Allan Poe, Shakespeare, J.K. Rowling, Billy Crystal, George R.R. Martin, Carrie Fisher, Carl Jung, Plato — and many more.

Personally, I enjoy sketching; as my creative juices start flowing, I get lost in my inner world, and my attention to detail takes over. Another example of INFJ creativity comes from when I worked as an environmental educator. I had to design interactive lessons for high school students. Once I was put to the task, I spent hours creating engaging lessons, and loved it.

4. Lifelong learners

Never content to remain stagnant, INFJs are always seeking new information, whether it’s picking up a book, people-watching, or occasionally stepping out of our comfort zone. INFJs, like other introverted intuitive types, wholeheartedly embrace what it means to be a “lifelong learner.” We use our Introverted Intuition to absorb new ideas, make connections, and combine disparate data points into unified theories — usually with a focus on human nature.

For me, bookstores are one of my favorite places in the world. Libraries and the internet are also havens for my INFJ mind, and I’ve spent hours exploring them.

But INFJs don’t spend all their time with their nose in a book. Paradoxically, I also have an adventurous side that pushes me to do things like camping in the wilderness — and even skydiving. Many INFJs are naturally curious, and pleasures such as novels and travel are the perfect antidotes.

5. In service of others

Unfortunately, many people still have the misconception that quiet, solitude-loving introverts are unapproachable or even selfish. Although INFJs are true introverts who need plenty of alone time, they’re also deeply interested in people. For this reason, they may even be confused for extroverts.

Yes, INFJs can be both reclusive hermits and also the life of the party (when we feel comfortable around the people we’re with).

Specifically, INFJs love helpingothers. In fact, I believe that a crucial ingredient to INFJ happinessis working to empower others. I’ve found that teaching, counseling, and coaching are perfect for this. To be an INFJ is to be an idealist who wants to make the world a better place — especially for those who are hurting or underserved.

Being an INFJ can have its bright moments and its dark periods. But ultimately, I wouldn’t have it any other way

DATE IDEAS FOR INTUITIVE TYPES

INFJ: Be honest about what you want from the date, because they will notice if you’re not having such a good time, and it will affect the whole date. They want to paint and you want to get icecream from your favorite place? Do both! Do stuff like decide to walk on top of a hill with a nice view. Reward yourselves with talking while admiring the view, or go and buy something nice together.

INFP: Something calm, but exciting. Feeding ducks. Walking through a not familiar part of the area you live in together. Listen, adore, have fun. If you go to an amusement park, make time for eating cotton candy in a calm corner and talk about things close to your heart. Ask them what they liked the most, and make it your personal tradition. Hugging before parting the ways, if they are already close to you is also nice.

INTJ: Good food from a place they like already. Stand-up shows, zoos, nature parks. Dress up, pretend to be professionals together in modern art gallery. You together make the environment fun by being there, the environment can be almost anything. Don’t choose too hectic places: if you want to go swimming with them, go at evening when there’s only few people.

INTP: Ask them what they’re interested in. A movie that just got into teathers? A game they just purchased? A concert of a band they really like? Do it with them. Show interest in things they are into, and experience them together. Show that you want to learn what they already know. And eat good food while doing it. Even skype dates are ok, just make sure your minds are in the same place.

ENFJ: You don’t need a sharp plan. Decide what you want to eat or drink on the spot where you meet them. Drinks? Sure! Shopping? Why not! That nice movie that’s on tv today? Sounds like a plan! Sometimes even though you would have asked for the date, it might seem that they come up with everything else. Randomly going to tennis hall or minigolf. Taking frisbee to beach just if you feel like it. There are many possibilities that will present them on the date day!

ENFP: Do something crazy. Skinny dip in lakes, run through busy places. Order a super spicy meal and cry and laugh together because neither of you can eat it. Go listen to outdoor music and offer to dance with them, even if no-one else was dancing. They will dance with you. But after the crazyness, take tem to a cafe or home, and talk about everything you felt and experienced that day!

ENTJ: Invite them to a date. Make it clear it’s a date. Wear at least smart casual, and tell them also what kind of place your going so they can also think about how they want to look. Offer them little fancier drinks or prepare picnic basket with wine classes (even if you drink juice XD). Follow the plan you have talked about, but suprises like flowers and small extra program is always nice! Also, just photoshooting each other with ENTJ might be fun!

ENTP: Challenge them. Mentally, physically, however you want to! Take them to place with games! Bring a secret twister mattress to your picnic, ask them to haunted houses in amusement parks and see which of you can figure out better how things were made. And remember: it’s not (always) about winning. It’s about the crazy analyses and speculations, and the fun!

INFJ Traits, Social, Weirdness

Naturally inclined to help others

Natural diplomats because of the ability to see both sides

Egalitarianism and karma are very attractive ideas to INFJs

INFJs find it easy to make connections with others

INFJs need time alone to decompress and recharge

We can’t stop reading people even if we try

Champions for the oppressed and downtrodden

Often neglects to take care of themselves – putting others first

Prone to exhaustion due to the passion of their convictions

Gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive

Self-Expression comes easier on paper than face to face

Artistic and creative

Struggle to adequately express ourselves

Has a deep need to help people “sort out their stuff”

INFJs are inclined to create order and practical systems in their outer world

INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis

Knows things intuitively without knowing how

INFJs are easily affected by other people’s emotions

Have uncanny insight into people and situations

Prefer deep conversations to surface topics

Are protective of their inner selves

Geared to improve themselves through personal growth

Are rarely at complete peace with themselves

Has “little use” for social norms and routines

Always improving themselves and their surroundings

Always testing people to see if we can talk about things that really matter (usually can’t)

Can hold grudges for long periods of time.

We are information addicts, INFJs are the most well-read of all the personality types

Love’s variety in our romantic relationships

We rebel, but also want to be accepted

Losing/ Ending relationships is extremely painful

The whole INFJ existence is bound up in hiding and concealing our true nature

Have very high expectations of themselves

Tendency to take care of others needs while neglecting our own

Most likely of all types to cope with stress by seeing a therapist

Is a naturally nurturing, patient, devoted and protective

Hyper-aware of their surroundings

Are the least able of all the personality types to be in a long-term relationship

If the person we are talking to is too active, they will take a passive role, if the person we are talking to is too passive, we will take an active role.

Mysterious nature

INFJs know we are special and we revel in our rarity

Highly reserved, quiet, thoughtful, and almost above all else – introspective.

They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their children

Prefers careers where they can be creative and somewhat independent

Are very hard on themselves

It’s common for INFJs to intuitively assess their vicinity, and modify their behavior accordingly

To get an INFJ to open up, you must have some degree of depth about you and show that your view of things are not that dissimilar from their own

Always looking for something new, rarely satisfied with the mundane or routine

Not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks in careers

Are highly cerebral and reflective

Wants to be alone about 75% of the time

Very sexual in private, but respectful and dignified in public

INFJs are quiet around you if; they don’t trust you, or they are completely comfortable with you.

Have a natural affinity for art, and may excel in the sciences, using their intuition

Are complex characters with a range of talents and abilities

Has a limited amount of social energy

INFJs are often mistaken for extroverts

Would rather spend time with our creations than with people

Keeps the majority of people in their lives at arm’s length

Because of the high demands of people close to them INFJs frequently withdraw into themselves shutting out the world for a few days

Loyal to those they trust

Wonders why most people are idiots

Does not take kindly to being ignored or interrupted

Natural activists for causes but not for political gain or power

Suffers from emotional overload because of their inherent nature to be “givers”

Has the clear insights into the motivations of others, for good and for evil

Highly empathic – Can feel and sense what others are feeling

Are natural counselors and healers

Hates liars

INFJs are the Archetypal “Loner” by choice

Are moved to champion causes and activities that serve the greater good

Has a strong sense of personal integrity

Natural healers

Are private and selective about sharing intimate thoughts and feelings

INFJs are far less serious inwardly than they appear outwardly

We like to have things orderly and systematic

Use both sides of the brain equally

How do I spot an INTJ/INFJ?

1. “Death-stare”. The phenomenon has been widely described. When they look at you, you feel as if they were inside your head.

2. They are organized, have their shit together (or at least try to make such impression). Usually dress well. Prefer plain clothing and simple haircuts.

3. In group settings they are the one that doesn’t say much and looks bored/confused/sad.

4. They have some kind of academic interest. Typical intellectuals.

5. Wry, dark sense of humour. Often use sarcasm, especially when talking about “big things”.

6. You will get a“prophet-vibe” from them. Like they were a wandering lunatic, living more inside their heads than in the present moment (although they share this trait with INFJs, but those have more of a “dreamy”, intimate look in their eyes, while an INTJ’s eyes are more analyzing).

7. Their FB profile has little to no activity, but may have an unusual profile/background pic.

8. They read while commuting.

9. Might come off as arrogant, cold. Accidentally say harsh things without even realizing it. Might be extremely judgemental (especially the immature ones).

10. Are very seclusive and private, you may know them for years and have no effin clue who they are and what they do.

11. They will ask open ended questions and will try to get to know who you are inside.

12. They make long pauses while speaking and you can almost feel that they are gathering thoughts. This might change if they open up and feel at ease with you.

What things exhaust INFJs?

Parties-we don’t like crowded social engagements.

Sacrificing boundaries-We will do anything for someone we love, but we also have to put ourselves first.

Liars-We can sense a lie from a mile away

People-Negative people who drain our energy and find a problem with every solution

Small talk-We hate small talk, we want to get to know you, everything about you.

Being overstimulated-We are very sensitive to light and noise.

Not recharging-If we aren’t given time to ourselves, that can drain us quickly.

Being put on the spot-We like knowing things and when they will happen ahead of time.

What kind of first impression do INFJs usually make on others?

As an INFJ I can only speak to the feedback I have received from others, but when I reflect on their comments, I do understand how they arrived at their opinions. Some have said that from a distance I seem aloof, disinterested or intimidating, but when personal conversations begin they feel safe with me and open up easily, much to their surprise (I, of course, am not surprised at all). More intuitive people sense my ability to perceive their unspoken feelings and agendas, and respond differently based on their own emotional maturity. It can feel uncomfortable or threatening to some; mysterious to others; gratifying to those very much in need of acceptance; or genuine and altruistic to the few who are at peace with themselves. It depends on the others’ needs. I feel I am congruent personally and publicly, but because I have a God given ability to perceive the needs of others, and I genuinely care, I respond accordingly. Therefore, a group survey of opinions would reflect the diversity.

There are times, of course, when I am tired, overwhelmed with the negative dynamics of a situation or just lost in my own inner world, that I’m sure I really am aloof or disinterested. In general, however, I do sincerely care and want to engage in whatever way I can be of help with the emotional well being of others.

What is a telltale sign you are dealing with an INFJ?

Deep conversations, lighthearted personality, genuine concern, caring about and wanting to talk all about you, a little reserved while they try and figure you out.

INFJs: what advice can you give a younger INFJ?

My psychologist identified me as leaning INFJ about 20 years ago but I didn’t give it much thought then. I’ve been a “woke” INFJ for ten years as a result of rediscovering the MBTI concept during a difficult time. I wish I hadn’t waited so long as the insights I’ve gained about my own personality and those close to me would have saved a lot of heartache and anguish

Here’s what I’ve learned about myself through the years that I’m reasonably sure apply to many other INFJs too:

You have unique insights. They are real. The unusual internal wiring that makes you an INFJ lets you connect the dots easier. And you see more dots. Some people don’t see any dots or recognize patterns and are more than happy to point out the “error” of your observations. So be it. You’re job is to figure out what “feels” right and should be pursued, what can be put on the back burner awaiting more information, and what can be dumped because after thinking about it you realize your conclusions were probably wrong. It happens.

You will be lonely. INFJs can be unconventional because we act on information most others don’t have. We usually have a broad range of knowledge and can come across as “know-it-alls.” We can sometimes alarm people with our passion. We can start feeling down because we don’t understand how people can be so cruel to one another. Or so stupid. Our faith in humanity can swing wildly from hour to hour. We can do the crowd thing for awhile and need to leave. We usually hate small talk on the phone and are often the worst party planners in the world.

We drive ourselves and others mad to “get things right” and to give a damn about something besides the most trivial things in life. We are usually disappointed—in others and ourselves. It’s not that people don’t like being around us, it’s that we usually think people don’t WANT to be around us. So we hunker down and keep to ourselves.

That’s what can make relationships difficult sometimes. You will need to tap into the best part of being an INFJ—helping people—to keep you from being lonely. I volunteer at a homeless center. I’m active in the US Coast Guard Auxiliary. I write answers on Quora!

You will be able to do a lot of stuff. Some of it well. Most people will be surprised. Most INFJs I know are curious, versatile people. For example, I’ve written two novels, one has been self-published. I play jazz piano and can also play the tuba. I’m conversational in Spanish and know some Swedish. I can hold up my end of a conversation ranging from cosmology to dog grooming. I can talk Southern Country Gospel with a homeless man and discuss the latest power adders for high performance race cars with the editor of a national racing magazine. I did both last week. I sail the Great Lakes in my own boat. I like to cook. I have restored or built six houses. I can plumb bathrooms from scratch, do basic electrical work and restore old wood moulding. I have a four-year certificate in theology. I can paint and draw.

At this point you probably think I’m quite the braggart. That’s not why I’m listing these abilities. The reason is that I can do NONE of these things proficiently. Except sailing–I’m a very good sailor! I suspect that most INFJs who have been around for several decades can make a similar list. Our curiosity and drive to know how something works can lead us to some amazing discoveries and bring us into contact with some fascinating people. Freeing yourself to explore and to try new things without having the burden of having to perform in public or to even be terribly proficient at any of them can lead us to a very interesting life!

You will second guess yourself. Constantly. You are your own worst critic. If you’ve ever had second thoughts about how you came across after submitting a report or talking to someone about something important, remember:

Your second guesses are usually wrong. Trust your intuition!

You may struggle in relationships. INFJs are not easy people to be around sometimes. We can be quirky, sometimes anti-social and have a tendency to tell folks how to build a clock when they ask for the time. We can fret constantly about the state of humanity, when our partner just wants to have a hamburger and talk about movies. The saving grace is that we love hard! When we’ve found someone we can be ourselves with, someone who accepts us, if not understands us, we’re there for the long-haul. The people in your life who get that will adore you!

Finally, strive to know yourself better. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Don’t forget to have fun. Don’t worry so much about what other people may be thinking about you—chances are they aren’t thinking anything! And above all, be kind to yourself!