My heart has shattered into a million pieces. And I’m left here, alone, to rot in this bloody massacre. To rot in the poison of something that was once so beautiful. Or so I had thought. But apparently my insecurities, my bandaged up soul, was too broken for you. And you began to question this once beautiful feeling. When, in fact, the day before you had reminded me of its beauty. That we were happy. That we were fine. That the feeling wouldn’t end. Proves that words are nothing but shit. And I had always wondered if the thoughts that crossed my mind crossed yours. If you ever happened to look at me and think, “damn, I fucking love this girl.” If you would ever catch me reading or typing or scratching my nose or whatever and think “damn, I’m lucky to have her.” Because every time I see you these thoughts take over. I look at you, you become my eye, my pupil, my center, my universe. Just like that. Every time I see you I go from being just me, to being me and you. And it was the greatest feeling in the world. And just like that, with a few words, my entire universe collapsed. You might try and say you didn’t cause it but you sure as hell didn’t stop it either. And that action in itself spoke louder than words. And I slowly started to believe all the shinning stars and glorious planets were not meant to be. That my universe was never meant to shine as bright as it did. And for that reason it was destroyed. And I start to think maybe it’s me. That I’m too damaged. That I love too much (as if that’s a thing). That my heart is defective because it seems to beat and race and stop.. That I’m at fault for feeling the things I feel.
And then I remind myself that there’s millions of universes out there who need a little bit of light.
E’ un po’ che ce l’ho da parte questa. E’ una di quelle cose che non riesco a smettere di guardare. Un po’ come certe opere che ti trasmettono un senso di fermo temporale. Una cosa come la calma ma senza la tranquillità. La volevo pubblicare ieri, e avevo scritto una cosa che mi sembrava anche bella, poi il tempo (non fermo) e gli imprevisti (mai previsti) e l’internette hanno fatto in modo che finisse non so dove. L’immagine è rimasta qui. Ci avevo scritto una cosa come : a volte ti senti spezzato ma forse è solo la posizione che è sbagliata. E a volte ti senti speziato ma forse lì è più colpa dell’indiano sotto casa.
Mi piacerebbe anche sapere di chi è. Così per curiosità.
I have been trying lately, more than ever, to hold on to the little things that make this life a little less unbearable, and to ignore everything else…
And it’s hard to ignore all the shit my mind tells me everyday… But I think I really am trying.
I don’t know if life is worth it. And I know I won’t think this way once I break down again. But this is how I feel at this moment, I guess…
![Sometimes, you need to break your promises.[via Plunderer]](https://64.media.tumblr.com/1f544cc055087b0847b3c7b19df2cd7f/8e0f2233479132e9-ac/s1280x1920/a5c97a3bfa346e65b9216ca35086041d0868fd95.png "Sometimes, you need to break your promises.[via Plunderer]")
