#cows incorrect quotes

Simon, after having a nosebleed: Welp. Time to wash the blood off my hands.

Shepard: I’m gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and fight my own soul.

Now that awtwb is out and we actually do know that Baz ages because he doesn’t drink human blood, I think it’s safe to wish a proper happy birthday to the best jean-wearer out there. ✨

Penny when they went to NowNext: I came out here to attack people and I’m honestly having such a good time right now.

Simon: I’m the sexiest bitch in this therapy waiting room.

Simon: As someone who has a long history of not understanding anything, I feel confident in my ability to continue not knowing what is going on.

Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent.

Simon: I choose to waive that right!

Simon: *Screaming*

Simon: Is that vodka?

Baz: Yeah.

Penny: Straight?

Baz: No, gay.

Penny: The vODKA NOT YOU!

Simon: *petting a dog* Aww you’re adorable and so cute and beautif-

Baz: Are you cheating on me?

Penny: Tbh, I am an extremely chill person, as long as things go exactly the way I need and expect them to every day.

Simon: The last time I went to an urgent care clinic, I checked off ‘excessive crying’ on the symptom list, and then the nurse got really confused and said that was meant for babies.

Penny to Simon: I love you when you try to seem normal. <3