#dissapointment
Sorryfor being so quiet lately. This new job is killing me… I can’t find time to do anything fun :(
Motivation to take new pictures with my new camera is very low…
Even if I was motivated, finding privacy is a new problem.
Dick reveal was planned for 4k followers and now I’m getting close to 6000
fml
Pls bear with me I just need to figure things out and find the right rythm ;_;I will try to be a better lewd boy for you all.
Also I will try post more on closetotoast
I think it will be mostly pics that I took with the camera that I like. Not lewd. If thats ok.
Thank you for the nice comments and messages. And thanks for following this gey blog. Appreciate it. And VERY BIG THANKS TO splafter for drawing this cute picture for me. Getting fanart (if you want to call it that) still feels surreal
See you soon
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Sometimes, the person you think they’d be, aren’t the actual person they are. And that’s expectation. And that’s how it breaks you.
They tell me I’m doing so well but why can’t I believe it?
Why does every day feel like a fight to survive? “If I can just make it one more day everything will get better.” Over and over again, it’s a never ending cycle of longing to die but trying to live. I’m tired of it now. I just want to turn off my brain to end the pain.
Some days are fun, some are fine, but days like today…all I want to do is die. Sadness has control of my mind and nothing is right in the world.
The most fucked up feeling in the world is getting hurt by the person you explained your pain to.
“Life is Disappointin ge’ use ta it”
“I think people would be happier if they admitted things more often. In a sense we are all prisoners of some memory, or fear, or disappointment—we are all defined by something we can’t change.”— Simon Van Booy
![ham: *lookin’ left* ham: *lookin right* [not shown]ham: *lookin’ disappointed*ham: “Where are all th](https://64.media.tumblr.com/41179babfeed52ff8d20a8912f00f8bd/22f0938926917f21-fa/s640x960/663a6306bf414c7dd6746152054cbbe9ef1a7d5a.jpg "ham: *lookin’ left* ham: *lookin right* [not shown]ham: *lookin’ disappointed*ham: “Where are all th")
![ham: *lookin’ left* ham: *lookin right* [not shown]ham: *lookin’ disappointed*ham: “Where are all th](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4368bf2e87d9e01808a730baf1610043/22f0938926917f21-32/s640x960/6d5dc8a0821541b40edf9a31e4e1dd5cd088252c.jpg "ham: *lookin’ left* ham: *lookin right* [not shown]ham: *lookin’ disappointed*ham: “Where are all th")
ham: *lookin’ left*
ham: *lookin right* [not shown]
ham: *lookin’ disappointed*
ham: “Where are all the posts at? I came here to see new content and I can’t find it - what gives? This bums me out!”
me: “I am sorry dear hypothetical hammy, I have been kinda bummed out too, and that makes doing things hard. Like imagine if one day you woke up and you didn’t feel like running in your wheel.”
ham: “What? But I love running in my wheel. It is so much the funnest.”
me: “Yeah, but what if one day it wasn’t fun? What would you do?”
ham: “I don’t think that is possible, but probably I would eat some sunflower seeds.”
me: “Ok, now imagine that you had a special friend who really liked watching you run in your wheel. Don’t you think they’d be disappointed not to get to see you do it?”
ham: “Oh well of course!”
me: “So I am not running in my wheel very much right now, and I know you like watching me do it, but I get sad when I run instead of enjoying it like I used to, and that makes me more sad, and so I don’t run, and then you are disappointed and I am sorry but I will try harder for you, ok? I can’t promise how well I will do, but I will try to keep running.”
ham: “Okaaayyy. But what about the hamster pictures? Because I don’t really care that much about watching you running, I am more interested in cute pictures of hamsters.”
me: *sigh* “I guess metaphors are not your forte. But that is ok. I still love you. And I will try to post more cute pictures for you. Cuddles?”
ham: “Cuddles!”
(images from istockphoto)
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