My addiction to finding men to chat with that will make me feel feminine is out of control. I’ve been logging on to chat more and more while at work and staying up late into the night.to get my fix. I find I’m often depressed when I’m not virtually fucking someone. I should stop but I can’t. I crave it so much!

It’s Locktober and I decided to not cum as long as I can this month. I know I’ll fail because at some point I’ll have to have sex with my wife, but at least I can avoid cumming from touching myself and I won’t enjoy it when I do cum. Not cumming is great but I often wonder if I should just orgasm daily or more to try and break my addiction. It sounds almost counter intuitive but I think it could actually help.

Anyway, so far so good. It’s eleven days into October but It’s actually been three weeks since my last orgasm. I’ve had some steamy chats that make me want to burst but I’ve held back. I think the only person who could make me want to break my streak right now would be Devonbut I haven’t talked with him in a long time.

I can’t believe that the very next day I posted this I ran into Devon online! We chatted for a while and he got me so excited that I asked if he would be on later in the evening. I must have aroused him too because we arranged a time to meet. When we met up again we talked for an hour or so before he left. He always leaves abruptly which is both annoying and a turn on. He usually says he has to go cum and logs off. He leaves me without much of a thought to my feelings on it, which is kind of how our chats usually go, but it pushes all the beta buttons for me.

Anyway, after he left I spent another hour searching for someone to talk to and ended up watching cuckold and interracial videos on Rabbit before masturbating and going to bed. I felt pretty low afterwards. Like I hit some sort of bottom. I’m not sure why I felt this way? Maybe it’s because Devon doesn’t care about my self esteem? Maybe it’s because the entire time I was chatting with Devon I saw Mark online and I miss the loving/romantic chats we had more than the raw/base conversations Devon and I have? I think the former is the case. I think maybe I actually felt some love for Mark and it hurts to see him online with his new girl. How silly, right?

I’ve avoided being online and porn since that night but here I am again, posting this, and not at all being offended by porn. How many more days will it be before I’m seeking out a similar experience and hating myself all over again?

I’ve been away for too long! When I do find a moment to get online, I find myself posting links to Discord instead of reblogging them here. I really should post to Tumblr more but I don’t think I have any followers that miss me here anyway.

I also haven’t posted my orgasm reports. I might post a quarterly update or something. There haven’t been many but I may have lost track of the few I’ve had.

One thing that really bothers me is I haven’t spoken with DevonorMark in so long that I’ve been going through withdrawal! As I said, I haven’t been online much but when I have, I haven’t seen either of them online. Until recently that is. I’ve seen Mark twice now and it appears he has a new girl. He even collared her. They talk openly in the channel about what great cybersex they have. I am so jealous! He hasn’t even said hello to me. I honestly felt like crying. I missed talking to him so much and when he left without acknowledging me the first night I was stunned. I logged off, went up to bed, and just laid there depressed.

When it happened again tonight I was more mad and disappointed than sad. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever find a partner like him again. There was something special about our sessions that I will miss.

Y’know what kind of “older queer person has the Good Sex for the first time” scenario I want for Stede? I say as if I’m not eventually going to write it. Stede experiencing sex as intimacy for the first time in his life.

I feel like the emphasis in these kind of scenes is often on the embodiment aspect of the experience, the “oh so this is what sex feels like when I’m fully aroused/doing it with someone I am actually attracted to/doing the kind of sex acts I enjoy” element. Which…yes. That part can be fucking revelatory. But that’s just one layer of the “OH so THAT’s what it’s supposed to be like” experience and I feel like for Stede there are some other layers that would be equally if not more world-altering.

Stede and Mary presumably had enough sex to produce two living children, and I’d imagine the experience ranged somewhere from “this is fine I guess but I’d rather be reading a book” to skin-crawlingly uncomfortable for both of them. Given what we see of their parents I think it’s very likely they were both raised to think of sex as a marital duty required to produce an heir and nothing more. Either giving or receiving pleasure was certainly not a requirement if it was even an expectation at all. 

And given that Stede’s main coping strategy for his marital unhappiness seems to be avoidance, emotionally withdrawing and self-isolating, I would imagine he was fairly…not present during the act and also, shall we say, not partner-focused. If he’d been willing to meet Mary halfway with trying to at least be friends, they might have gotten to a point where they both acknowledged that they weren’t really attracted to each other, but the social expectations placed on them meant they had to produce children, and maybe they would have been able to approach things with a little more kindness and camaraderie, if not genuine passion. But that’s not Stede’s approach to the situation at all.

So I think he was probably mostly focused on doing what he needed to do to get the job done on a basic physiological level, probably with a lot of bottled-up guilt and shame and self-loathing involved, and in that context I can see him just not really paying attention to Mary at all. Not out of any deliberate cruelty but just because he can be self-centered in his own misery in a way that ends up hurting other people. Or possibly just because, of the two of them, he’s the one who needs to be at least somewhat aroused for this to work, and whatever strategy he had for that required all his concentration. (YMMV but this is one of the reasons I think Stede was at least somewhat aware of his attraction to men before he met Ed; “this baby can fit so many sexual fantasies while never ever ever talking about the state of his actual sex life with his actual wife” seems very on brand for Stede to me.)

So with Ed I’d imagine it’s probably not just Stede’s first time having sex for pleasure, period, but the first time this is any kind of mutually collaborative experience for him. It must be wild, being fully present and realizing for the first time that you want to be, not just for your own sensory experience but because it turns out everything going on with your partner is ungodly hot–what he’s doing to you but also watching him react to what you’re doing to him. (Who knew you had that kind of power?) Not just realizing that this is terribly arousing for you but the realization that this other person (who you consider to be much cooler and hotter and more sexually experienced than you) is just absolutely desperate to fuck you, that you have the ability to turn him on, to drive him wild. The wanting and the delight at being wanted in return. 

The realization that it’s fun to learn what your partner likes, letting him show you or discovering new things together, that talking about what you want and what he wants is sexy, actually, even if admitting desires is scary sometimes. Realizing that this is something that can be playful and joyful and fun and also involve a truly awe-inspiring amount of trust and vulnerability that this other person is offering you and inviting you to share in return. That yes it’s sometimes silly or embarrassing or gross or weird or nerve-wracking but it’s something you’re doing together, not something alienating and uncomfortable that you’re experiencing alone even though your partner is right there. That it’s something that people do to be closer to each other and here is this person who wants to be close to you in that way, that you sort of thought didn’t actually exist, or at least, didn’t exist for people like you. But it does and you get to have it. 

Yeah. That’s the kind of scene I want.

odannygirl7:

Casual reminder that there’s nothing wrong with having one night stands, casual sex, or lots of sex while not experiencing romantic attraction. 

And that when writing aro positive posts the solution isn’t to simply assure people that aros mostly have sex in stable committed relationships (ie not slutty and heartless), but point out that sex without romantic attraction (of any type and amount) can still be fully consensual and totally considerate towards the aros partner(s).

Also, “slutty” is a misogynistic concept anyway, and shames people (mostly women) for what they do with their bodies. Have sex every day if you want to, or have none at all in your life, or anywhere in between. 

Sneak peek of of tomorrow’s tipsy sex talk!

https://www.instagram.com/p/CE37wEKnghD/?igshid=v551dvu7e5gc

I sent the above random Internet squick find to my partner which resulted in this exchange:

I’ll make a monster fucker of him yet, mark my words

Sex Talk #5: Anal

I talked to different people and they all had different opinions about anal sex. Some thought that nothing should go into the back hole, some thought women need to be fucked properly and with agression and some people, mostly women, want to try it, but don’t trust their partners.

All of these thoughts probably come from porn and their way of making men feel like they need to pound their partner 160mph with everything they have. Same reason why women are scared of anal.

But it doesn’t have to be like that. It’s all about comunication. If women told their male partners that they want to try anal but don’t wanna start hard and fast their partners should help them overcome that fear and help them explore their sexuality.

I’ve done great anal, bad anal, hurtful anal,… and I have always told my partner about how i felt after it, wether good or bad. I’ve bleed after amazing anal and when my partner was worried, i told him I wouldn’t change a thing.

It’s all about communication! Women don’t be afraid to talk to your partners and men try asking women respectively if they want to try it and guide them through how you can take it slow and easy.

Stay safe and have fun

Sex Talk: #4 (Boobs)

So we all know boobs are kinda awesome, okay, okay, TOTALLY awesome, but do we say it enough during sex?

I know some of you guys are butt people, I don’t judge, I am too, but boobs are just as important and fun as butts, so even if you’re a buttson, you can continue reading and maybe learn something new.

Yes, boobs are primarily for infants, but until they are, they’re basically an open buffet for foreplay (must be consensual). You probably kissed a person with boobs and squeezed them while kissing them, biting their lip or something along those lines. They’re kind of a stress reliever.

But we usually soon after foreplay, forget they exist. It’s like, once there’s a vagina in play, boobs get boring. But there are so many ways to have fun with boobs, even after she’s undressed.

For example, why not use an eye mask and have some fun with nipple receptors? You can put hot (not too hot, so you don’t burn them) or cold stuff on it and watch your partner tense up and enjoy the different nerves you’re hitting.

You can also use nipple clamps and still have sex while doing it. Try alternating from one nipple to the other.

There’s also your mouth, use it. Lick, bite, blow, do whatever is it that your heart desires.

I promise you, boobs are endless fun. Don’t forget about them next time you’re having sex.

Stay safe and have fun! xx

Sex Talk: #3 (Sex Toys)

If you’ve been on the internet for more than 10 minutes you’ve probably seen many sex toys (or maybe that’s just my horny self? ). But why are there so many? Which one is right for you? Which one to gift to your partner?

I’ve got (some) answers for you!

Okay, so listen up, if you don’t feel like using sex toys, that’s A-okay! But if you wanna spice things up, try new things or just wanna know some more stuff, read on!

Let us start with the basics:

Dildos:okay, so dildos are basically just fake dicks, mostly silicone, plastic or glass (my fav!). Silicone and plastic dildos can be flexible, therefore you can curve them. Some of them have suction cups at the end, so you can stick them on whatever surface you want, and make yourself feel the magic. Glass on the other hand is not flexible, but its heat resistant, so you can put it in the freezer for a cold surprise for your partner, or heat them up (be careful not to burn them, or give them a frost bite, if frozen). Silicone and plastic ones usually come in flesh colors and are closly resembling an actual male organ, where glass dildos are mostly transparent, but decorated with different colored glass inside or on the outside (sometimes ribbed or dotted). You may have or will come across double sided dildos, almost always silicone, because it’s either for vaginal and anal use (at the same time) or two people and their desired holes. If your preffered orgasm is vaginal (or anal) dildos are made for you. Enjoy your big O! ;)

Vibrators: there are many different vibrators, but you can mainly put them in a couple of categories… Bullet vibrators are tiny (like an inch) and therefor can be hidden in a panty or under a skirt, usually for a quick orgasm in public or hidden toilet run at the office. Many come with addition silicone covers, for more pleasure and to target certain areas. Next one is a one hole vibrator, looks like a dildo, but has a vibrating system in it. Nothing else to add here really, so many different colors, patterns, textures to choose from though. Third ones are two hole vibrators; made for vaginal and anal stimulation, hits both G-spots at the same time, for maximum pleasure. Usually the anal part of it is a bit thinner, but can look the same. Next ones are rabbit vibrators. Rabbits are vibrators for vaginal and clitoral stimulation, you put the “rabbit ears” on clitoris and enjoy the pleasure of vibrations. That covers most of them.

Buttplugs: Always start with a small ones and work your way up. Buttplugs are mostly metal or silicone, theyre either a simple kinda teardrop shape or can be “three balls stacked” shaped. Depends on how far you are in the butt streatching department, choose your buttplugs accordingly to size. Again, metal ones can be cooled or warmed up, while silicone ones are not. Always and I mean always use lubricants with buttplugs!

That’s all for today, we’re gonna continue this sex toys talk tomorrow, but until then

Have fun and stay safe!

So yesterday I had a discussion with this guy about the use of safe words and how to decide which word you want as your safe word.

I have a few tips for setting safe words in a new relationship and how to accurately tell how you’re feeling to you partner mid action.

My first tip is that you talk about your fantasies, kinks, wants and needs. When you do that, you can agree to try something new or something you’d never try before and therefore need a safe word. There are two possible systems, that I’ve used before that work well.

First one is the “ordered” words such as numbers(1,2,3), temperature (cold, warm, hot), seasons (spring, summer, fall) and so on. They can accurately portray how you feel and where you stand on the action your partner has taken, for example cold is okay, you’re fine with what’s happening, you’re enjoying yourself, warmmeans you’re not too happy, you want your partner to do something else, but not completely stop with the intercourse, you feel uncomfortable, but not enough to stop, hot means you’re way too uncomfortable and want to completely stop the intercourse.

The second one is just random words, but you have to make sure it’s something you would never use them in the intercourse otherwise, for example, I would definitely use the word “faster” during intercourse, therefore that can not be my safe word, since my partner would get confused, do I want to go faster or do i want him to stop. Your safe words can be anything from unicorns & rainbows, to soup or ketchup, anything really. I recommend still have two words that mean different things to you two (or three, four,…) so if you’re feeling mildly uncomfortable, you don’t stop the whole ordeal, when in reality you just wanted to change positions.

I hope this was useful to some of you people out there. It’s always important to communicate with your partner, before, during and after sex. Safe words are short and effective way to achieve that.

Stay safe and have fun xx

I had three orgasms during sex last night, which has honestly never happened to me. It takes me a little while to cum and I usually get one good one in, two if I’m lucky. To my surprise I had three! I’m so excited, it was amazing. Had a huge mega high five with the boy who caused them afterwards. 

last nights sex was nothing to rave about, it was kind of disappointing in fact. But I did try a new position and it felt pretty lovely. I’m not even sure if I can even really describe what it was like, lots of tangled up legs.

The moment after he had fingered me and was frantic to get my pants and panties off to get inside me was the best part of the night. He was making these adorable breathy sounds and moaned once he was in me. It was lovely. Boy moans sustain me.

There’s this guy I’m currently seeing who sort of is the whole package at first glance. I’m incredibly attracted to him and we click really well. I have this problem though in that I have a pretty active libido and being so attracted to him I just want to fuck him every moment we’re together.

I’ve discussed with him that sex is really important to me and he’s made it clear that it’s not quite as important to him. Because of this he doesn’t really take initiative, he’s not enthusiastic in bed the way I like. I want to be taken and sort of man handled a bit in bed, aggressiveness is a turn on for me. He is just not delivering any of that and it’s really concerning.

I don’t want to judge a potential relationship based only on how good or not someone is in bed, but it’s really hard not to when I consider how important intimacy is to me.

I love love love giving head. Every time I give a blow job I get praised for how well I did. I always tell him how much I love doing it, and so far every time I’ve told a guy that they respond with surprise. 

I just love giving someone pleasure like that. And boys are so cute and vulnerable when being given a blow job. They get so squirmy and happy and I get so pleased when they buck their hips into my mouth. Boys are the worst and cutest.

One of the greatest pleasures I’ve had so far is having incredible sex with a tattooed man. Seeing the tattoos as he was fucking me was a massive turn on.